About the Author

Mina Parker is a freelance writer, editor, and mom. Her other books include Half Full (2006), Mother Is a Verb (2007), 100 Good Wishes for Baby (2007), Silver Linings (2007), and Her Inspiration (2007). She has also worked as an actor, a grant writer, and an administrator for several nonprofits. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and son.

Hampton Roads Publishing Company

…for the evolving human spirit

 

 

 

HAMPTON ROADS PUBLISHING COMPANY

publishes books on a variety of subjects, including spirituality, health, and other related topics.

 

For a copy of our latest trade catalog, call toll-free, 800-766-8009, or send your name and address to:

 

HAMPTON ROADS PUBLISHING COMPANY, INC.
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E-mail: hrpc@hrpub.com • Internet: www.hrpub.com

Copyright © 2009 by Mina Parker
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this work in any form whatsoever, without permission in writing from the publisher, except for brief passages in connection with a review.

Cover design by Jane Hagaman
Cover art: Freeing Bird by © iStockphoto.com / Carlos Benigno;
Summer Flowers and Circles Background by © iStockphoto.com / Dean Turner;
Summer Pattern by © iStockphoto.com / Tom Nulens
Interior Art by © iStockphoto.com

All the introductory quotes in this book are taken from Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting or The “Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting” Playbook, both by Lynn Grabhorn and published by Hampton Roads Publishing Company.

Hampton Roads Publishing Company, Inc.
1125 Stoney Ridge Road • Charlottesville, VA 22902
434-296-2772 • fax: 434-296-5096
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Parker, Mina.
 365 excuse me-- : daily inspirations that empower and inspire / Mina Parker.
       p. cm.

 Summary: “A book of daily meditations and essays based on Lynn Grabhorn's Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting”--Provided by publisher.
 ISBN 978-1-57174-602-3 (5.25 x 6.75 tp : alk. paper)
 1. Spiritual life--Miscellanea. 2. Inspiration--Miscellanea. I. Title. II. Title: Three hundred sixty five excuse me.
 BF698.35.O57P35 2009
 158.1'28--dc22

2009003285

ISBN 978-1-57174-602-3
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2
Printed on acid-free paper in the United States

1

“Step 1. Identify what you DON'T want.
Step 2. From that, identify what you DO want.
Step 3. Get into the feeling place of what you want.
Step 4. Expect, listen, and allow it to happen.”

These four steps are the gateway to a new life. They are simple, even deceptively so, as all true and life-changing things tend to be. They are also practical, by which I mean, they form a basic, simple exercise that you can practice again and again. You can practice this series of steps about anything—from finding a prime parking spot to moving beyond the resentment of a miserable childhood. They can and should form a daily practice, like prayer, or washing, or stretching. They provide some structure for this nebulous world of feelings, and, at the same time, they will help you release some of the old thought patterns that you think are helping you get what you want, when, in fact, they are most likely doing just the opposite.

When I'm in a moment of distress or disorganization, when I'm sick or can't sleep, or can't focus, these steps at a very minimum serve to calm me down and help me refocus. When I can use these steps on a daily basis, they help me unlock problems that I could never even begin to think or muscle my way through. These steps bring solutions in the strangest and most wonderful ways.

In small ways and large, enfold these four steps into the practice of living.

10

“Knowledge or no, ‘getting more out of life’ wasn't happening and it was beginning to tick me off. Something was missing, and I flat-out couldn't put my finger on it.”

How often do we feel this? Nothing's wrong, per se, but it doesn't seem like enough is really right, either. Whole generations of Americans have grown up in this feeling to a greater or lesser degree, and many of us just take it for granted, as though feeling unfulfilled, unchallenged, and unexcited were somehow the true expression of who we are. Or sometimes this feeling coincides with a major life change—the death of a family member, or retirement, or a new baby. In this case, we blame the event itself and tend to disregard the fact that it's not our circumstances that create our feelings, it's the other way around.

I, for one, have always tried to assail this feeling in one of two ways: staying in the house all day reading until my eyes hurt or flailing myself into action that may or may not be appropriate or helpful (usually not). By reading, I figure, I can get smart enough to push through my malaise. By doing something (anything!), I think I can at least shove the boringness out of my life, but I'm rarely thrilled with the results of my fits and starts of uninspired action.

There is a third option, one so simple, it is easily overlooked; so radical, it seems impossible: learn to control how you are vibrating energy. All life is energy; all life is vibration. There is more to get out of life, and the possibilities are infinite. You are not the sum of your grievances and dissatisfactions, there are more important things to play at and do, so it's time to get started.

Are you ready to find the missing piece?

100

“Go for material things, of course, but also stake your claim for universal or intangible things.”

 

So you're feeling pretty confident that you can magnetize what you want into your life. And maybe what brought you to all of this law of attraction stuff in the first place was some basic, material, everyday wants and desires. No judgments here—go whole hog and get that Ferrari, if that's what makes you all buzzy.

Hey, while you're at it, why not throw in a few more desires? Remember, nothing is impossible. Let's vibrate for our whole family to feel joy, for a greater sense of freedom for ourselves and our loved ones, for climate stabilization, for healthy oceans, for children everywhere having plenty of good food to eat, for cooperation among people and nations. Why not? Nothing is impossible.

The greatest work we do as human beings is to serve each other. I don't mean servitude, I mean service. This is the thing that ultimately gives us the most personal gratification we'll ever know in our lives: spreading our energy and other precious resources around to help others.

Wanting is taking charge. Wanting is creating. Fulfill your reason for being—that's the true richness of life.

101

“Anything you try to push away, you automatically include into your vibration for attraction.”

When a crime is committed in our society and the perpetrator is convicted, we take action by locking him away—to punish him, to separate him from society, and, theoretically, to reduce the risk to everyone. But in many indigenous and aboriginal cultures, the thought of separating a victimizer from society is crazy. There is a fundamental knowledge in these alternative legal systems that when you push away any undesired element, you give it more destructive power, and the balance of the whole society shifts. The goal of these legal systems is aimed more at reintegrating the perpetrator and the victim back into the social and moral fabric of the community, to restore the equality to both sides that was disrupted by a criminal act.

The same goes for unwanted elements in your life or your own community. Anything you try to keep away through fear or by force will redouble through the attention it gets. It is much more difficult to find positive ways to reintegrate the energy that you don't want and change it through the force of your positive vibrations. But, in the end, that's the only choice we can make to bring in balance and happiness.

Push it away, and you lose control and give it power at the same time. Draw it closer, accept it, and you have the chance to change it.

102

“Now you've entered the uncanny world of synchronicity, you're plugged in, connected to your Source energy, going with the flow. But you'll never see it, or learn to trust it, if you're not watching for it.”

There's such a thing as being blindsided by good luck. A bolt out of the blue—an offer of a new job, an inheritance from a great-aunt you only met once, a new friend who offers you a vacation house, an old friend who offers you love. Any and all “positive” events can disconcert us if we didn't see them coming.

They're disconcerting because we're not trusting that we can go with the flow, that anything good might happen to us. They're disconcerting, sometimes, because they're not “exactly what we expected.” Say you've been plugging in to your source energy, asking for a life partner, and an old friend reappears in your life and well…. But, wait, this isn't what you ordered up—you wanted a new partner, not an old friend. You didn't think the partner would look like this, come into your life this way. What were you watching for? And what did you get?

Some skeptics say that people find synchronicity only because they look for it. Their point is that it doesn't exist and the people who are looking for it are reading too much into events. I don't know about reading too much into events, but I do know they're right about one thing—synchronicity doesn't exist—or at least you won't see it if you aren't looking for it. And when we do look for it, we see so many more rich possibilities for our lives. It's that simple.

Today I'm going to look for what I want with the sure knowledge that that will help me get it.

103

“Think only about what you want, instead of the lack of it.”

 

There is a saying among actors that the best way to get a job is to book a plane ticket. Meaning that as soon as you commit to going away to see family or on a vacation and become unavailable for work, the universe sends you the perfect job on a platter. The saying is often intoned in a kind of mock-misery—you want nothing more than to land a great role in a wonderful project, but there's always a catch; in this case, that you're out a big chunk of cash for plane fare.

When you book that job in conflict with your other plan, what's really happening is twofold. First, the expectation that you are going away takes the pressure off whatever possibilities are in the works. If you know you're not going to work while on vacation, you stop thinking nonstop about what will happen if you can't get work (a big Don't Want). So, by booking those tickets, you're taking the Don't Want down a notch, and the underlying Want of getting to work doing what you love can come through a little stronger—so in comes the work. Second, the simple act of planning a vacation or going to see friends or family is about committing to doing something you want, and because you're acting on one Want, it paves the way for others to come through, as well.

You can trick your energy into doing this for you again and again, and you don't have to spend a bunch of money on a plane ticket you can't use. If you've lost your keys, stop looking for them—every moment of frenzied “I can't find them!” tucks them away deeper into wherever they are. Do something around the house that you really want to do and that takes some solid mental energy. You can even make the trick better by saying out loud, “I'm never going to find my keys, so I'm going to hang this painting just where I want it instead.” Most likely by the time you're done, the location of the keys will have popped into your head.

When faced with a Don't Want, throw yourself into a Want—even if it's totally unrelated—and clear the way.

 

104

“Stop processing; start living! Stop dissecting; start experiencing.”

To stop processing is not to deny or stuff your past. It's not to lie to ourselves or others. We don't reach adulthood without having some emotional hurts, some psychic knocks on the head. That's the nature of living in this material universe. And, sometimes, somewhere along the process, maybe with the aid of a well-intentioned but wrong-minded counselor or friend or self-help book, we stop denying and we start grinding. We perseverate—I am like I am because this happened and then that happened. And if my mother/father/first love/teacher/boss hadn't, then I wouldn't. And then, and then, and then…

There is a third way. We can go ahead and look at our past—recent and remote—but without judgment. That is without judging ourselves or others. Look at it, express it, admit it, acknowledge it, accept it, and move on. Express it and let it go.

And how, pray tell, do we let it go? Well, we won't if we're not engaged in the present. So the best way to let the past go is to jump into the present with both feet, experiencing all there is to experience. And, remember, no judgment.

The best way to let go of the past is to live in the present.

105

“Empowerment is the willingness to forge ahead, no matter the unknown.”

Empowerment is the ability to be in the moment. If we're actively engaged in our work, open to the feelings and atmosphere in the present moment we're in, doing what we have to do now, we have far more power to deal with the unknown future. And, let's face it, the future is always unknown.

In fact, if it weren't unknown, if we knew every obstacle, bump, twist, turn, curve ball, and blessing the future has in store for us, we might never start a new project. We might never create a Want and pursue it.

So empowerment is the gift of forging ahead in the moment, working on the part that's right in front of us, trusting the universe will give us the grace, insight, inspiration, and stamina for dealing with the unknown. To be empowered is to be open to our own powerful center, to be in touch with our own guidance, and to act from that place of strength. Empowerment is not bestowed by the Emperor of Empowerment sitting in a chair on high. Nor is it stolen by the Wicked Witch of Weakness.

Empowerment begins and ends at home.

106

“I was learning to live without worry. It was astonishing. I seemed to have found a means to live in a state completely counter to what I believed to be normal.”

 

We worry that if we stop fretting about all the ways we are in danger every day that something is going to sneak up from behind and take us off guard. Of course, we know by now that this kind of thinking is laying down the welcome mat for just such an occurrence (and if it does happen in some form, we feel even more justified in our initial worry). But let's take a look at the alternative.

We've all heard the stories of near misses—the woman whose daughter keeps her home from work at the World Trade Center on 9/11, the man who gets off a plane before it takes off and the plane later crashes. The premonitions in these stories come to people who are open to receiving them for some reason or another. We are all psychic, connected to the universal energy around us through our minds and bodies, but most of us can't sift through the information, so we either tune it all out and miss valuable clues or we try to focus in all directions at once, which rarely does anyone much good.

When we release ourselves from the litany of worries that plays on repeat throughout the day, when we finally figure out that it is most certainly possible to live a life free from the weight of fear around our necks, then we are primed to pay attention to the gut feelings that help keep us safe and happy. In fact, when you're plugged into your Guidance, the messages come in their true form—positive feelings signaling opportunities for change and growth, and negative ones warning us about some danger or trouble. (Of course, some negative feelings from old issues will probably be hanging around and will have to be sorted out.) There is nothing more thrilling than going from the static of unintelligible, constant worry coming from a jumble of sources to a state of open calm connection to your Guidance, which leads you into and out of all the right situations at just the right moments.

Turning off your fear turns up the volume of your instincts.

 

 

107

“Always flow your energy first, then engage from inspiration.”

When you watch tennis on television, you might hear the commentators use the phrase “dialing in,” which refers to someone who is in the zone, going for big shots and bringing their energy and their game to the table to make their shots and win rallies. The opposite phrase is “clamping down,” and that one's pretty obvious—the player is going through the same motions, trying to make the same shots, but their energy and movements are confined in some way, and often as a player pushes to get out of that state, the vise simply tightens further against their will.

I love the phrase “dialing in” because there's a focus on the preparation, the inner life. It's not about going after something, or pushing past limits, or even freeing or flowing energy. It's very simply about making small adjustments inside yourself before you engage, or whack the ball, or burst across the court. It's also about zeroing in, narrowing focus on the task at hand and letting the other tasks and voices drop away completely as you pick up the line of desired action.

You can't take inspired action by repeating a mantra of “inspired action. Inspired action! INSPIRED ACTION!!!” The result would surely be a major clamping down. The best way to take inspired action is to very simply and honestly explore the task at hand, and call up whatever resources to be at the ready when you need them.

I will dial in and tune up my focus, and the actions will take care of themselves.

108

“You begin to take inspired action versus grinding action—the difference between success or a flop.”

 

Do you ever feel like you couldn't possibly be doing more, and yet you still aren't doing enough? It's like you're riding a bike up a grueling path, steadily plugging away—your muscles aching and out of breath. And suddenly someone whizzes by on a motor scooter, waving as their dust cloud envelops you. It doesn't feel fair. How come some people work themselves to the bone for little reward and others just coast?

Yes, there are certainly inequities in our resources to begin with—but I'm talking more about the action itself, the force and the work it takes to push you up that hill, no matter where your journey starts.

When you allow yourself to play around with your Wants and desires before you set one physical thing in motion, you will be shocked at the difference when you do start to act. The longer you play, the easier it will go (and the faster and richer the reward). Getting your energy in order and your thinking in a helpful place before you go replaces a lot of the physical strain of a task. The universe responds to energy—and it is only a social custom that we have come to believe that the physical energy of work is more appropriate or effective at getting things done than the mental and spiritual energy of playing and dreaming.

Let the dreaming inspire the action, not the other way around.

109

“Actually, the majority of the world is quite well off.”

How do we measure well off? Think of the difference in weight we give to one feeling of lack, or to a setback—say a business deal not working out—compared to appreciating the things we do have, the things that work right.

Consciously putting our attention on the positive is not something we're taught or expected to do. And the more we bemoan the things or resources we don't have, the stronger we feel the lack. We might get to the point where one negative thing outweighs a thousand positive things.

One way to remember what we do have is to take the time to appreciate them. Out loud. Go ahead, count your blessings, count what you do have rather than what you don't. And, if at first you can't think of any, please persist.

The more I count my blessings, the more blessings I have to count.

 

11

“How do we do it? Don't laugh; it all comes from…how we're vibrating!”

When we think about a Want, we often take a little side trip by asking the question How? “How is this going to happen?”

“How will I ever manage to accomplish this?”

“How should I get started and how will it all turn out?”

How is a trick question, a meandering path that will dump us a long way from our original Want. Surely to get anything done we must think about what to do and how to do it, right? Wrong. How is a question for the history books, it's a tool of hindsight masquerading as a tool of preparation.

We employ How before the fact only when we're trying to cheat at the game, count the cards, predict the outcome. But as a means to an end, How will cheat us every time. We open up our valve to a clear Want, we are happily buzzing along thinking about the great things that are on their way, and then blam! Things slam to a halt. Go back to the source of those screeching brakes, and you'll probably find a How lingering there in the shadows.

You don't have to solve the issues on your way to the fulfillment of a Want. You could not guess or divine the exact steps that will get you from point A to point B and what will happen along the way. So stop trying. Just get back to the place or original desire and get buzzing about it again. And don't worry, the How detour won't set you back far—when you get back on track, you'll probably be even further invested in your goal with no time lost, so don't beat yourself up about it.

When How leads us astray, all we have to do is remember: those aren't our problems to solve.

110

“A freedom of life is waiting for you that is beyond any capacity I have to describe, a freedom so unnaturally extraordinary that one can only know it through the joy of living it.”

Suffering is a given—part of the human condition. If we think that mastering our energies means that we'll never be in hurtful situations or have ugly thoughts again, we're in for some disappointment. Contrast—good and bad, light and dark—is one of the defining characteristics of our time on this planet, so we might as well have a way to manage it.

The problem is that we've inflated this idea of suffering through feeding it a steady diet of worry, anticipation, and fear. So, even though most of us suffer relatively little in our lifetimes, we spend so much time expecting to feel bad or remembering feeling bad, that we draw out the pain to an unbelievable degree, and, in the process, we usher in more of the same.

We've created our own captivity. Experiencing that unnatural, extraordinary freedom through the joy of living is our birthright. Pain is powerful stuff, but our fear of it is even more powerful, making us deny ourselves the freedom to live. So, the idea is to take away that power, even by reclaiming just a few minutes here and there from the grip of fear by flowing positive energy. You don't have to do it all at once, just get the snowball going and then work on it a little every day, and chip away at the captivity you've created.

I cannot promise you that you will never suffer again. I can promise you, however, that you will never again be imprisoned by your suffering.

111

“See her [Earth] in peace, and you will help to bring it about.”

Envision peace, starting at home. Come to peace with yourself. Accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, as the Serenity Prayer suggests. And then consider the ways you—and I—tens, hundreds, thousands, millions of people can make changes through the power of prayer.

See the Earth with water restored to pristine condition, so that all the children of the world have enough to drink. See rich, thick topsoil, so all the people on the planet have enough to eat. See the world as a hospitable, habitable, loving mother. See the peoples of the world not fighting over who “owns” Mother Earth's resources.

It won't happen all at once. It may not look like much at first. Yet as we make small, incremental steps, in growing numbers, seeing the Earth at peace, the Earth will, over time, come to a balance of energy that we no longer disrupt and disturb.

My thoughts, my actions, my vision multiplied by the many children of the earth—we can make a difference.

112

“The point is to get off autopilot and pay attention. Listen! Stay alert for that little push, watch for signs, tune in to hunches. If it feels good, it's Guidance.”

We think we're listening all the time. Our ears are open, and information is filtering into them in the form of sound waves, so end of story, right? Wrong. We rarely listen. Or, maybe it's that we rarely hear what we are listening to.

Listening is about a broadened awareness. Listening happens basically through your ears, but, if we think of listening in a metaphorical sense, we can carry it into the realm of listening to our hearts, or listening to the quiet voice inside us.

Expanded, the idea that you are listening means that you can place yourself on the receiving end of any information the world has to offer. Listening is often about filtering out what we do and don't want to hear. It is our habit to only hear what we expect to hear in any given moment, and this includes messages from the universe about our Wants.

If we could plan out how, when, and where our next desire was coming down the pike, we'd be wonderfully suited to living in a bubble of our own making. While there are certain things about that bubble that might be comforting, it is ultimately a prison cell in which you can't hear anything. Take yourself out of that bubble and you can notice the fact that what you want might be coming from any direction at any time, and all you have to do is open up your awareness to see the myriad possibilities.

I practice staying in the moment and listening with my whole self.

113

“How many times have you said to yourself, ‘I just got a hit (or a hunch, or a gut feeling) to go there,’ and so you did; you went there, and then found out it was a good thing you did. You were following your Guidance.”

Spouses met. Jobs found. Guidance isn't all burning bushes in the Bible. Or voices from angels in another dimension. Guidance is sometimes quiet, sometimes persistent, and there's really no way of proving it right or wrong. But stories of “coincidences” abound. Frequently, it's the small things—picking up the phone at the end of the office day without checking caller ID. Foolish? Maybe if you don't trust the instinct that said, “You're outta here.” You might find yourself roped into a long discussion and agreeing to a project you don't want to take on just to get the other person off the line. Or, if that little voice says pick up the phone and you do, well you might find yourself on your way out to dinner with an old college friend who just happens to be coming through your city on business.

Guidance is internal. If we're looking for outside validation—my teacher, mother, brother, boss says I should do this or that or the other thing—well, that might be good advice, and it might even be guidance if we're looking for ideas that we can internalize and check out with a feel test.

It helps to develop our own feel tests, and one way to do that is to pay attention to the accidents or coincidences that happen. How did I feel—besides relieved to be alive—when I didn't go at the green light and therefore didn't get hit by the truck barreling through the red. How did I feel right before I picked up the phone because I knew it would be good news—maybe small news like my dry cleaning was done?

Pay attention to stomach flutters, the ends of your fingers, the back of your neck—the more you do, the more you'll learn.

114

“If we race in to please, rescue, or placate, we are attracting negatively.”

 

This piece of wisdom about attracting negatively is not a case of opposites attract. Nor is it akin to the saying, “damning with faint praise.” It's a bit closer to “killing with kindness.” Yet that's not quite it, either—because the truth is that “when we race to please, rescue, or placate, we attract negatively” is not ironic, sarcastic, or metaphorical. It simply is—the truth.

What happens when we tell a simple little white lie—trying to please Mom or help a friend out with an excuse? Maybe there aren't immediate dire consequences, but I can feel it in my body, a sort of tensing in my gut. As human beings, we're meant to pay attention to that tension in the gut. If we don't, over time, we risk losing our ability to discern our own truth, and, truthfully, we put our physical health in jeopardy. The negative energy we're attracting can make us sick. Not to mention the negative energy a relationship based on falsehoods attracts.

The opposite of pleasing or placating is not acting out or condemning. Nor is the opposite of rescuing, abandoning. Yet, when we act from any of these stances, we attract victim energy to ourselves. And, we end up screaming at the person we were trying to please. Or walking away from the person we were trying to help (including ourselves). When we are slower to react, we are more likely to talk—and act—from our truth. Slow truth and positive attraction trump fast reaction and negative attraction any day of the week.

Make a list of ten slow actions to take the place of your usual reactions.

115

“The energy of money needs outlets; no outlets, no money.”

 

There is a tried and true business adage that you have to spend money to earn money. So a statement like “the energy of money needs outlets” is no airy-fairy concept dreamed up by someone who thinks she can live on air and chanting. (Just wanted to make that point, because many people think this energy thing is fine for relationships and maybe feeling better, but certainly not for something as “real” as money. Uh huh.)

Think of Ebenezer Scrooge, a man so famous for holding on to his money, for not letting it do its good work, that his very name has become a common pejorative word—a hoarder, not only tightfisted, but mean-spirited. Of course, in A Christmas Carol, Scrooge is given—and takes—the opportunity to create outlets for his money. And all's well that ends well.

So create an outlet for your money—when you have a little, maybe give a little of that little away. Or splurge on a bouquet of flowers. Celebrate the good fortune that is coming.

Money, keep it moving.

116

“Even feeling moderately concerned (sort of our life story) shuts the door to abundance and well-being, which is our God-given birthright.”

Let's call a spade a spade and concern what it really is—a time suck also known as worry. Worry takes up way too much room in any room, and it just won't stay neatly folded away in the closet. Moderate concern leads to major concern. The minute we open that door in our minds, out it pops and demands that we pay attention to the “what ifs” and the “so whats.”

What if I felt good? Would someone else feel bad? How do I know that? And what makes us think that abundance—material or spiritual—is a zero-sum game. If I have more, my neighbor has less. That's what our materialistic culture teaches us. But is that really true? Or is there enough of what matters to go around?

The real question is what I do with that moderate concern when it arises. I knew a woman who grew up on a farm in a part of the Midwest where the growing season was short and the soil was rocky. Her mother wouldn't let her board in town to go to high school because she'd already lost one child to influenza, and when the daughter was sixteen their family house burned down. But during my friend's long life, even though many things happened to her that she could have worried about, she refused to, in her words, “borrow trouble.”

What can you (I?) do to shut the door on worry and open the door to abundance and well-being?

117

“Since energy can't die, and all of us are most assuredly energy-based, fearing death is nothing but a monumental waste of time that evokes nothing but more negative energy. The sad thing is, we've been so cleverly taught to fear death, we've totally forgotten how to live.”

Change. Energy changes. It moves, it changes character. Positive energy attracts positive energy. And the converse is true, too. Life is change. Death is a different kind of change. None of this is to be feared.

Take a breath, then another. Three times. Your body is different than it was four breaths ago. If you bring in peace and light with these breaths, you are living. If, over time and gradually, you take these breaths and let yourself think of a time when your energy will exist without a body that needs to take breaths, you can begin to let go of the fear we are taught about death.

Take another breath. Then another. Three times more. Your body is different than it was four breaths ago, and you have let go of some fear. You are living. You are remembering how to live.

May I use my energy to live fully and die happy.

118

“It's not about money; it's about how you're flowing your energy. The money will come when you stop looking at how much of it you don't have. You can't look at ‘not enough money’ and feel anything but negative emotions, which disallows the flow. So find more ways to open your valve.”

 

Money is probably the single most difficult thing to open our valves around, especially when we don't have enough of it. How easy is it to stop thinking about where the rent is coming from? How silly does it seem to say out loud to ourselves, “I have everything I need,” when, clearly, I don't have the money to pay the utility bill. Yet, dwelling on how hard this is, how much of a stuck valve, brick wall, sunk ship feeling not having the money is, only creates more stuck.

If I can't get to the place where I can give up worrying about money, the only thing that works for me is to focus entirely on something else. This might be a task I know how to do but don't do often enough to do on automatic pilot. For me, that can be threading the sewing machine, even if I don't have a mending project. I always have to think about the order and the eye-hand coordination to get the thread through those passages, and it's just enough to take my mind out of worry mode. Sometimes taking a brisk walk will do the trick. The longer I can take my attention away from the “money problem,” the more I can open up.

It's not that opening up means having specific ideas about how to get money. Nor does it mean that I can stay open without keeping my attention on staying open. Opening up does mean that there is a possibility that solutions I have not thought of or worked toward will present themselves, and I'll be awake and paying attention to see them.

In a time when your negative emotions about money are NOT present, take time to think of at least two ways to turn the negative around for those days when “lack” threatens to take over.

 

 

119

“You're not only connected to the force of well-being, you are that force. That force is Life. That force is passion. And passion is creation.”

 

Well-being, even when we recognize it, can seem fleeting. We trip on it. We convince ourselves it's accidental. The sunshine, the cool breeze, the child's smile, the lover's kiss—that's what connects us to our feeling of well-being. Well, maybe. But surely there are days that the sun shines, the leaves rustle, a child grins, and a lover hugs us good-bye that we feel something entirely different. So what is the source of the force? It can't be totally due to the conditions we find ourselves in.

Hint: there is a right and obvious answer. Me, myself, and I. Sunshine comes and goes, and everybody knows we couldn't exist without the rain. Children smile, laugh, and cry—letting us and themselves know how they feel and what they need. Even on literal or metaphorical rainy days in our lives, we can connect to the force of well-being by letting ourselves know what our passions are, by choosing them and expressing that choice.

An expression of well-being and, therefore, passion and creation, can be small. Some days maybe all I can muster is a fleeting appreciation for the fact that I am grateful I can express my sorrow by crying. Other days will be different. And if I nourish my well-being by noticing what I do to create it, it grows bigger and stronger. Sometimes inch by inch and sometimes by leaps and bounds.

I will make one gesture toward creating well-being today.

12

“You are the ongoing energy of Life scampering around down here right now on this particular playground. You are the pure positive energy of well-being, and you cannot kill energy!”

Energy. Well-being. What, who, me? Nah, I'm just ground down and tired. I haven't scampered in what feels like a century.” Now, there is an attitude. That and a blanket to pull over your head will buy you a bucket of misery. What does it take for us to look at life as a playground rather than a purgatory of work, tired, work, grief, tired some more?

Really, all it takes is one simple little thing—a change of heart.

It takes looking around to find the swing, the merry-go-round, the slide of this particular playground. (Sure, we may get a scraped knee now and then if we're having fun. But we're still having fun.) It takes paying attention and participating. Reaching out to others with something as simple as a smile—a little piece of positive energy shared.

“Energy? What? Who, me?” Well, yes. I find if and when I stop to think about it, when I stop to count the positives and smile when I can, even though I know there are major negatives “out there”—poverty, war, financial worries—I can visualize the positive, pure energy in my own heart. I can send it out to others, get it back, and watch it romp.

Take five minutes to play in the playground of your heart today—a quiet meditation, a walk, whatever feeds you.

120

“Those cracks are our resistance, our inner critic or naysayer, our old ideas of social rights and wrongs, our old low-frequency security blankets being laid bare by the higher frequencies.”

When I was a small child, I was fascinated by dog whistles. The idea was that dogs, who can hear at higher frequencies than humans, if they were trained to, would come running at the sound of a whistle. I'm pretty sure they didn't catch on widely because dogs will also respond to verbal commands and humans whistling.

Thinking of those dog whistles, though, makes me wish I had a kind of high-frequency tool—one that would help me let go of my old ideas and ways and listen to the truth of my heart. And, as it turns out I do have such a tool. It, too, is within me. And when I call on it, I can hear my resistance breaking up. I (mentally, at least) sputter, “Yes, but…” or “I can't because…” And then I switch to the higher-frequency “Why not?” Why not live the life you want to live? Why not tell your inner critic to take a hike and take Ms. Naysayer along just for fun? Why not give up old ideas of tit for tat? Speaking only when spoken to? And then only mouthing polite inanities? Why not tell the truth—to myself and to others?

I give up lying and covering up in the name of politeness and welcome the truth of my life.

121

“Don't think that finding something about yourself to appreciate is namby-pamby. Believe me, it's tough. No matter what our position in life may be, most of us hold such great distaste in acknowledging our own attributes or talents that the thought of having to dig up a new one each day for thirty days can be really irksome.”

We live in a culture that prizes individual effort and achievement, and that's often how we measure worth. So, if we can find anything to appreciate about ourselves, it's usually that we did a good job, landed the contract, got the part, made a million bucks. Now, all those things are good and maybe they're even what we appreciate about ourselves—that we can take care of ourselves, that we can use our talents—oh, no, wait, it's just luck, you say? Well, see, that's the problem.

We do have talents. We come into these bodies with them. We cultivate them. It may be a talent for cultivating friendships, for making other people feel at ease. It may be a knack for making other people laugh. It may be a talent for seeing successful business strategies and making money. We have qualities. We tell other people our appreciations. Why is it so hard to appreciate our own selves?

A thirty-day exercise to write down one different thing I appreciate about myself every day is not for the faint of heart. Go ahead, try it, I dare you.

Thirty appreciations in thirty days will change your life.

122

“Expect your Wants. Expect them!”

 

 

If you're obsessing about a Don't Want in the form of suffering or a tragedy you'd like to avoid, and you obsess about that Don't Want day after day, you're pouring your valuable energy into some ugly stuff. And, more importantly, you're blocking your valve big time, and you need to figure out how to get beyond it.

You are a powerful magnet, and you live in the world with other powerful magnets. The frequencies are going to interact in ways that you could never predict, for better or for worse. This world is all about contrast, and, yes, you may be attracting a lot of the negativity as well as the positivity, but dwelling on the thoughts or the feelings that brought about whatever crap has befallen you is a pretty sure-fire way to clamp down on that valve and bring on more of the same.

Dwelling on the positive, on the other hand, is a pretty sure way to attract some of what you want into your life. Don't take my word for it, though; try it. Start with something simple, maybe a lovely cup of tea or fifteen minutes to read. Work your way up to your heart's true desire.

Name, out loud, one Want you expect today.

123

“What dreams have you put aside? Your ambitions, your forgotten goals, even your littlest desires—what are they? WHAT ARE THEY?”

If you're like me, you have a “someday” list—a list of things you've set aside and hope to do one day when you have enough time, enough money, enough energy. Living in a foreign country, working on a ranch, model trains, whatever it is. This is the list that hangs around in your psyche, pretty near the surface. Well, near enough to yearn for and fantasize about and then beat up on yourself that those things aren't happening any time soon, and maybe never will.

At what age do we stop asking children what they want to be when they grow up? Maybe when we think they're old enough to know better than to want to be Batman or, as one friend's kid recently told me, “a princess farmer.” Well, I'm here to say it's time to be a kid again—and pretend for a moment that the whole world is your toy store. It's time to go beyond our “someday” list and dig up all those hidden desires, even the ones we've never dared acknowledge to ourselves. There is no work in this toy store, only play, and the aisles are infinite, with new things popping up every minute, every time you have a thought or a feeling.

Give yourself permission to want whatever it is that you want. Give yourself permission to remember long-dead desires, and to make chances for new desires to pop into your life every day. No restrictions, no holding back. After all, this wanting can stay totally in your head, your journal, or it can be spoken out loud, even hollered to the hills—whatever you like. This is unfettered dreaming, and there is nothing better.

Ask yourself to remember the long-buried dreams of your childhood, and invite yourself to build new ones.

124

“Still, I was always worried—about everything. With a grin on my face and a good word on my lips, my constant focus was on lack—in either myself or others. Just like everybody else I knew.”

We can smile and smile and smile and say everything's just fine until the cows come home. But if we don't believe the cows are going to come home and provide good rich milk and cream that can be made into butter and cheese, then, we have a problem.

Lack is a funny thing—we can't seem to get enough of it. It pops up everywhere. Things can be going fine at home, at work, even in the news—but suddenly I feel like no one is going to love me. Or like I might not have enough money for next week or next month.

The tricky part is talking to the part of ourselves that's feeling the lack without measuring. Reason doesn't take our focus off lack. Sending ourselves loving and reassuring messages can help us take the focus off lack. Reaching out to others can help us take the focus off lack. And, practicing a smiling good word and finding out how to really mean it—“I'm fine”—helps us take the focus off lack, too.

I'm going to practice looking for luck, not lack.

125

“I'm talking about total personal freedom: freedom from boredom or monotony, from needing to prove or justify, from needing to need, from anxiety, and from all the imprisoning Shoulds of life we have so staunchly placed upon ourselves.”

Have you ever tried to live a day or even an hour without saying the word “should” to yourself? It's an insidious word—should. We put a lot on our shoulders. Right now, I should keep working on this project. I should also go downstairs and finish my laundry. I should, I should, I should. Oh boy! If we're not careful, “should” takes over and then, next thing we know, we're tied up in one kind of knot or another.

In fact, the work I need to do is getting done. In fact, the laundry is not going to get up and run out the door if it's not attended to this minute. In fact, there is really no reason for me to be anxious at all. And so I set the timer and set myself the task to practice living without a “should” in the world for just an hour.

And it's a wonderful feeling to live without a “should.” When we do, we may choose to take a walk, bake a pie, read a book, spend an hour with a friend. Mostly, we choose to put ourselves into an attitude that allows us to choose our best life all the time, a minute, an hour, a day at a time.

I'm giving up “shoulding” for what I want to do.

126

“Never mind how you're going to do it. Never mind you can't do it right now. Where you're going has nothing to do with where you are now. Nothing! You've got to remember that.”

I have a friend who is in the beginning stages of a big project that she's been dreaming about for a long time. She started out very enthusiastic, excited about the project and attracting great people on board to help her out. She took a couple of steps forward and invested a lot of time and energy, and then faltered. Self-consciousness set in. “Who am I to think I could ever do this?” she moaned to me one day on the phone. “I could maybe pull off one aspect of this huge project, but here I am undertaking to do it all at once, and I'm not really qualified for any of it.”

I know the feeling. In that first moment of inspiration, we are all experts in any field because we are connected to the authority of our higher self, which knows all about literally anything we'll need, or has the means to easily find out. As soon as we click over to our planning, organizing, getting-it-done (or as Lynn says, “High-Ho Silvering”) self, negativity begins to seep in.

You can't know what the future will be. Period. But this won't stop that brain of yours from working overtime to try and generate a million and one possible outcomes (wanted or unwanted), and map your path of action to each of them. You'll stay up nights thinking, obsessing, and digging a hole for yourself. Whenever you feel this kind of energy starting to take over, take a step back. Remind yourself that you can't articulate how it's going to happen until you've done it, and the only way to do it is from a centered, loving, positive place that is born of the strong connection to your original passion—being in touch with the feelings generated by the pure gold of inspiration. Go back to that feeling again and again, however you can get there, and the plans will make and implement themselves.

You cannot know how to get from point A to point B except by making the journey.

 

127

“Mainly, just lighten up. Be natural. Get off your case for not being perfect. Pat yourself on the back for effort. Give yourself credit for wanting to take control of your life. You will, sooner than you think!”

“I think I can,” the little train chugged up the hill—until it got to the top, when it knew it could. Acting “as if”—it's not just for children's stories anymore. So if you want to quit smoking, lose weight, get rid of the excess emotional baggage that seems to hold you back, one thing to do is to adopt the “I think I can” attitude.

“I think I can” doesn't mean I already did it But I do get credit for thinking I can. And I get an E for effort for trying—for not eating sugar for one day. Or cutting down the smokes to seven. And like the quote says, I also get credit for wanting to make changes.

I got a phone bill in the mail today, and I was puzzled because I'd just paid a phone bill in full—after I let it go for two months and they were threatening to turn off my service. So I see the envelope and I go into panic mode, and then I open it and I see that it's not a bill at all. It's a twelve dollar credit. I'm not sure why I have this credit, but I know one thing. Seeing that credit lightened up my mood considerably. Credit is like that. Giving it, taking it, getting it in the mail.

What are you giving yourself credit for today?