ANGEL

A heavenly being. In Jewish and Christian traditions, angels are often tasked with interacting with mankind on God’s behalf. In the Bible, angels do cool things like rescuing Lot from the about-to-be-annihilated Sodom, telling Mary she’s pregnant with Jesus, and performing a covert prison extraction on behalf of a locked-up Peter.⁴

The angels of Islam are even more impressive, carrying out the killer tasks no one else really wants to do. According to the Qu’ran, specific angels are responsible for keeping track of the daily good and bad deeds of every human, making sure it rains, and guarding the gates of hell. Islamic angels aren’t just bookkeepers or sentries, though. A whole squadron of them—nineteen not-to-be-messed-with“wardens of the fire”—are responsible for actively punishing souls in hell.⁵ It should be noted that these angels rarely show up as porcelain collectibles.

Please use it in a sentence or two: Seeing how angels are always telling Bible characters not to be afraid of them, one must assume angels aren’t adorable little apple-cheeked, curly-haired babies. No, they’re scary little apple-cheeked babies.

Not to be confused with: Anything sporting a halo and appearing on cutesy home decorations, calendars, key chains, and/or teacups.

ANNIHILATIONISM

The belief, held by a minority of Christians, that immortality is granted only to inhabitants of heaven.The unredeemed who go to hell aren’t tortured forever and ever.They’re just destroyed. Poof. That’s their everlasting punishment: nonexistence.

Some annihilationists believe that sinners will literally be consumed by hellfire until they disappear into the bubbling magma. So there’s a little bit of torment involved, but it ends quickly. Other annihilationists don’t believe in hell at all.

Please use it in a sentence or two: Christians who believe in annihilationism have a hard time with the idea of a loving God who infinitely torments sinners for committing a finite number of sins. The rest of the Christians think annihilationists are probably bound for hell.

Not to be confused with: Ucchedavada, the generally frowned-upon belief in post-death annihilation held by a few rebel Buddhists.

APOCALYPSE

The devastating, end-of-the-world event—resulting from supernatural intervention, natural disaster, or something humanity did (oops!)—that results in the complete destruction of life on earth. Or the entire universe, depending on the scope of the event.

Within the Christian faith, you’ll occasionally hear the word used in conjunction with the Second Coming of Christ or as a synonym for the New Testament book of Revelation.Which makes sense, because apocalypse comes from the Greek word apokalypsis, which means “the lifting of a veil”—a revelation.

Please use it in a sentence: I believe the apocalypse will result either from an out-of-control asteroid, a nuclear holocaust, or the ironic combination of the two should the Air Force use an intercontinental ballistic missile to shoot down a wayward asteroid but miss their target, much to the dismay of Western Europe.

Not to be confused with: Apocalypto, the 2006 Mel Gibson movie about the demise of the Mayan civilization.This film caused dismay in Western Europe, but for other reasons.

ATMAN

The vital force or true self, as identified by Hinduism and Jainism. And FYI, it’s pronounced “ott-MAHN.” As opposed to any pronunciation that rhymes with Batman.

BARDO THODOL

See Book of the Dead, Tibetan.

BOOK OF THE DEAD, EGYPTIAN

An illustrated papyrus scroll frequently found in Egyptian tombs or coffins, used to guide a deceased Egyptian through the afterlife and into the blissful Aaru, the Field of Reeds.The main purpose of these scrolls—which were traditionally placed within reach of the deceased—was to keep the newly dead person from getting lost in the perilous underworld. All manner of navigational clues, passwords, songs, magical incantations (like the Negative Confession), and other handy tips were contained within the scroll.

Because there’s a great deal of variance from one book of the dead to another, it is assumed that wealthy Egyptians arranged for customized books to be created prior to their deaths. Middle-class folks got stuck with a boilerplate book, with their pictographic names hastily scribbled into insert-name-here blanks.

The Egyptians didn’t call it “the Egyptian Book of the Dead,” by the way; their title was Going Forth by Day.

Please use it in a sentence: Darlene caused quite a scene at the funeral home when she got caught stuffing a large papyrus scroll into Grandfather’s coffin, claiming he needed it to remember all the parts of the Negative Confession, especially since he always got stuck on “I haven’t carried away the khenfu cakes from the Spirits of the dead.”⁶

Not to be confused with: The Tibetan Book of the Dead, which has fewer pictures but lots more monsters.

BOOK OF THE DEAD, TIBETAN

A Buddhist text describing in outrageous detail what happens during the period (called bardo) between death and reincarnation. Supposedly written in the eighth century and known as the Bardo Thodol, it wasn’t translated into English until the twentieth century, but boy is the Pocket Guide glad the thing eventually made its way West.

Its best-known chapter—“The Great Liberation by Hearing”—is intended to direct a recently dead person as he or she encounters one horrifying deity after another on the way to rebirth.These include the demonic “Gauri of the eastern direction,” who stands “wrathful, white, and aloof ” on no less than a throne of human carcasses, all while swinging around a single corpse like a gory, gangly baseball bat.⁷ Also worth mentioning: “Padma Heruka, who has three faces / Dark red, white, and blue; and six arms,”⁸ and “black bear-headed Indrani,” who holds a “noose of entrails,”⁹ which seems too slippery to be effective as a weapon, but who is the Pocket Guide to argue with a bear-headed demon?

Anyway, occasionally a lama will recite the Bardo Thodol to a dead person to make sure they know what to do should they encounter any six-armed, corpse-swinging demons on the way to the next life.

Please use it in a sentence: Don’t read the Tibetan Book of the Dead late at night, as it will scare the deer-headed Siddhikari right out of you.¹⁰

Not to be confused with: The Egyptian Book of the Dead, which has a lot more singing and fewer skullcaps filled with blood.

BORN AGAIN

A synonym used by some adherents of Protestant Christianity to refer to the process of salvation , based on Jesus’ statement to Nicodemus in John 3:3—“I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.” Conservative Christians tend to view a “born again” experience as a prerequisite for entrance into heaven.

Please use it in a sentence or two: Jose said he was born again as a child when he responded to an altar call at a Billy Graham crusade.Then he was born again at a Christian youth camp in eighth grade. And he was born again once more at a True Love Waits rally when he was seventeen. Jose was always an overachiever.

Not to be confused with: Jose’s experience.

BUDDHISM

A religion that developed out of Hinduism and is based on the teachings of Guatama Buddha.The Buddha experienced enlightenment somewhere around the fourth or fifth century B.C.E., once he determined that—contrary to Hindu beliefs—there was no such thing as the atman, or soul. He also realized that life involves a lot of suffering, which he defined as being too attached to the transience of the world.¹¹ But suffering can be alleviated by following the Four Noble Truths and adhering to the Eightfold Path and eventually attaining a state of self-purification and understanding called moksha, or liberation from the cycle of rebirth or reincarnation.

Buddhism began in India but has since lost ground there and spread into Cambodia, China, Japan, Korea, Laos, Myanmar/Burma, Sri Lanka, Thailand, Tibet, and the Hollywood Hills. An estimated 350-400 million adherents make it the fourth largest religion in the world, behind Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism.

Buddhists you’ve probably heard of: Orlando Bloom, Richard Gere, Keanu Reeves, Steven Seagal, Uma Thurman, Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys, and the Dalai Lama.

CHRISTIANITY

With some 2 billion adherents, it’s the world’s largest religion and the one you probably default to when you think about the afterlife. Christianity grew out of Judaism in the first century A.D. (a calendar distinction related to Christ’s birth, by the way) and has its origins in the life, death, resurrection, and teachings of Jesus. Christians believe Jesus to be the Son of God, through whom people are reconciled to God, and through whom their sins may be forgiven.

After his death and resurrection, Jesus ascended into the sky—so, obviously, heaven is up there somewhere—but will eventually return in the Second Coming, an event tied to notions of the apocalypse . Despite a few major doctrinal conflicts among the three main branches of Christianity (Catholic, Protestant, and Orthodox), most believe forgiven followers of Christ will be rewarded with life in heaven after they die, where they will enjoy a blissful eternity in the presence of God. Nonbelievers who die in their sin are cast out of the presence of God and into hell, where they can expect to become familiar with the “gnashing of teeth.”¹²

Christians you’ve probably heard of: Pope Benedict XVI, Bono, Billy Graham, Barack Obama, Joel Osteen, Rick Warren.

CHTHONIC

In Greek mythology, the term used to describe the gods of the underworld—like Hades and Persephone¹³—as opposed to the regular Olympian gods like Zeus and Aphrodite.The “underworld” encompassed the final resting place of both the virtuous dead (who end up in the Elysian Fields) and the less-than-virtuous dead (destination: Tartarus).

And it’s pronounced “THON-ic,” as most dictionaries make the “ch” silent. Except for the pretentious Oxford English Dictionary, which feels this is just the Americans being lazy about pronunciation and insists you say “kuh-THON-ic.”

Please use it in a sentence: You use it in a sentence.The Pocket Guide is still working on the pronunciation.

Not to be confused with: Chthonic, the melodic black metal band from Taiwan, who paint their faces into ghoulish Gene Simmons-like death masks but who are not, in fact, the kings and queens of hell. Unless you consider OzzFest to be a surrogate for hell.

CREMATION

The practice of incinerating the soft parts of a dead body as an alternative to the traditional casket-and-burial route. Cremation is central to Hinduism, whose adherents believe it’s the first step in the process of reincarnation. It’s less popular among Christians, who tend to worry what kinds of bodies they’ll have at the resurrection if their only remains have been flung willy-nilly into a garden somewhere, or, worse, sprinkled into a mountain stream. Islam, Zoroastrianism, and Orthodox Judaism forbid cremation outright.¹⁴

Please use it in a sentence: Doug chose cremation for the same reasons most people do—because it’s dignified, it’s economical, it’s environmentally sound, and because he’d always been something of a pyro.

DAMNATION

What happens to unsaved sinners after they die, according to the teachings of Christianity. Damnation is bad on all fronts because it involves not just the condemnation to hell but also the denial of entrance to heaven.

Please use it in a sentence or two: Carlos used to laugh whenever that street preacher yelled at him about eternal damnation. But now that he was stuck in hell, chained naked to a flaming cactus while being perpetually pepper-sprayed in both eyes by a winged demon, he figured he might have been too quick to judge.

Not to be confused with: Tarnation, the cartoonish, colloquial synonym for damnation made popular by Yosemite Sam.

DEMON

An evil spirit in the Christian, Jewish, Islamic, and Hindu religious traditions, as well as in comic books (Etrigan), cult television programs (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), and movies starring Ron Perlman (Hellboy). Popular theology makes demons into the whip-cracking taskmasters of hell, but this isn’t exactly supported by the Bible (where demons possess people but do little else) or the teachings of Islam (where “creatures of fire” called jinns may be good or evil and often look like cats) or Hindu mythology (where demons are really scary and may be flesh-eating pishachas, or vampirish vetalas who make their homes in corpses, or shape-shifting cannibalistic rakshasa s). Nevertheless, each tradition places demons within a detailed hierarchy, and it’s generally understood that you don’t want to meet up with one, in this life or the next.

Please use it in a sentence or two: Keep your hands off that ouija board, kids. It’s possessed by demons (Christian version).

Keep your hands off that ouija board, kids. It’s possessed by a rakshasa who wants to devour your face (Hindu version).

Not to be confused with: That shiny horned beast in the Tenacious D song “Tribute,” who forces the boys to either play the best song in the world or have their souls eaten. Demons are just not that interested in comedic rock opera.

EIGHTFOLD PATH

A traditional Buddhist teaching that gives eight practical tips to transcend suffering via the pursuit of nirvana.These tips or principles fall into three categories: Wisdom (right view, right intention); Ethical Conduct (right speech, right action, right livelihood); and Mental Development (right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration). Get all of these, uh, right and not only will you end suffering, but you’ll reach a higher level of existence in the next life. And maybe the one after that. Right on.

Not to be confused with: The Eight Immortals, legendary figures in Chinese mythology who lived on the mystical Penglai Mountain-Island and had individual powers, just like the Superfriends but without the tights and capes.

EMBALMING

The practice of chemically preserving a corpse after death in order to minimize decay.While embalming is still used today to prepare human remains for presentation, it first became popular in ancient Egyptian culture.The Egyptians combined embalming with mummification, believing the body to be the eternal night-time refueling station of a person’s soul (known as the Ba), after it had gone forth into the afterlife during the day-time.Without an embalmed body, the Ba would be damned to rootless roving around in the afterlife, like some of those hipster backpacker kids in South Asia, only not as scary.

Please use it in a sentence: Most people don’t like to think about embalming, probably because of those nasty stories about how the ancient Egyptians extracted a corpse’s brains using hooks inserted through the nose.

Not to be confused with: Taxidermy, which involves preserving animals shot by hunters. If there’s any “going forth by day” of these animals’ souls, then those hunting lodges filled with stuffed-and-mounted elk heads and bear skins are horrifying places indeed.

ESCHATOLOGY

The branch of theology concerned with the end of the world, the final destiny of humanity, the apocalypse, and other cheery topics. Almost every world religion—from the ancient Aztecs to Zoroastrianism—has something to say about the End Times. It’s rarely encouraging.

Please use it in a sentence: Remember when Gerard got all into eschatology and started sending us those e-mails identifying Oprah as the Antichrist?

Not to be confused with: Thanatology, the academic study of death, usually as it relates to individuals. Eschatology is to thanatology what thermonuclear detonation is to a 4th of July sparkler.

ETERNAL LIFE

The unending existence awaiting humanity, based on the belief that physical death is only one stop on a really long bus ride that continues for pretty much ever. In Christianity, eternal life comes through salvation offered by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. In Islam, eternal life is often described as a “blissful hereafter,” earned by performing good deeds and adhering to the Five Pillars of Islam. In cyclical religions like Buddhism, eternal life is implied by reincarnation from one life to another, depending on the quality of your karma.

Nevertheless, most religions promise an encore to your present life by way of an everlasting future. Hopefully, this future comes equipped with a full schedule of activities and a Netflix subscription, because eternity can be a loooooong time.

Please use it in a sentence: Before he died, Granddad insisted that we hide his baseball glove, sand wedge, and a few range balls in his casket, fearing he’d run out of ways to pass the time during his eternal life.

Not to be confused with: Eternal Fire, a punishment prepared for the “devil and his angels” and awaiting those who fail to attend to the needy, as threatened by Jesus in Matthew 25:41.¹⁵ While you’re at it, don’t confuse Eternal Fire with “Eternal Flame,” a tormenting mid-’80s song by the Bangles.

FIVE PILLARS OF ISLAM

The five fundamental obligations every good Muslim must follow in the pursuit of eternal life.¹⁶ The first is the Shahada, the creedal profession of faith (“There is no God but Allah.”).The second one is Salat, the compulsory prayers offered five times a day.The third is Zakat, charitable giving toward the needy.The fourth is Hajj, a pilgrimage to Mecca at least once before death by every able-bodied Muslim.And the fifth is Sawm, the ritual fast during the month of Ramadan.

Please use it in a sentence: