Introduction
Golf. Love it or hate it, it’s a sport that attracts millions of avid fans from all over the world. Bruce Lansky said, ‘Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife...’ whereas Buddy Hackett reckoned that, ‘Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.’
This wide-ranging collection of quotes from international golfers and golf lovers and observers sums up the sport in general. Whether it be Chi Chi Rodriguez’ humorous take on golf - ‘The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life’ - or Jack Nicklaus’ more philosophical approach - ‘A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how to behave’ - there is plenty here to amuse and find thought-provoking.
We hope you enjoy it.
www.crombiejardine.com
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It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course
Hank Aaron
I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot
Don Adams
Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead centre of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net
Franklin P. Adams
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business
Joey Adams
One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens
Pete Alfano
I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet
Muhammad Ali, referring to his golf game
There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun
Peter Andrews
A caddie is someone who accompanies a golfer and didn’t see the ball either
Anon
A compulsive golfer is a crackputt
Anon
A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood
Anon
A ‘gimme’ can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well
Anon
A golfer is a man who can walk eight miles with a heavy bag of clubs but when he gets home he expects his dog to fetch his slippers
Anon
A golfer's diet tip: live on greens as much as possible
Anon
Born to golf. Forced to work
Anon
Even God has to practice his putting
Anon
Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour
Anon
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle
Anon
Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well
Anon
Golf is a lot like taxes. You drive hard to get to the green and wind up in the hole
Anon
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic
Anon
Golf is life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life
Anon
Gone golfin'... back at dark thirty
Anon
Handicap: a device for collective bargaining on the first tee
Anon
If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle
Anon
I’ve spent most of my life golfing, the rest I’ve just wasted
Anon
Lunch at an American golf course: Club sandwiches, link sausages, par-snips, sliced tomatoes, tea, puttatoes
Anon
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh
Anon
May thy ball lie in green pastures... and not in still waters
Anon
My body is here, but my mind has already teed off
Anon
Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss
Anon
The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil
Anon
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies
Anon
The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become
Anon
To some golfers, the greatest handicap of all is the ability to add correctly
Anon
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit
Anon
Fame is addictive. Money is addictive. Attention is addictive. But golf is second to none
Marc Anthony
Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit?
George Archer
If it wasn't for golf, I'd probably still be a caddy
George Archer
One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good
George Archer
Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result
Tommy Armour