The world is full of philosophy – everywhere you look people are trying to unravel the deep meaning of life, even if they don’t realize it. Yes, even Harry Potter fell prey to the philosophical disease. Yet, though nearly everyone does it, there is a great image of pretentiousness surrounding the sport, as if philosophy were difficult to do! Well, I can tell you for a fact that I know nothing about philosophy. Yet was it not Socrates who advocated that the only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing?
Philosophy (from the Ancient Greek philosophia meaning ‘love of wisdom’), is what happens when youths are drunk or stoned, or when a lot of very intelligent people get together and realize they have nothing else to write a paper on this year.
Philosophy fills books and fictional works. It lurks in the wisdom of the old and in the ramblings of the mad. It is scrawled across toilet walls where even ‘shaz 4 kev’ would form the basis of an argument the likes of which would keep an academic busy until the sun revolves around the Earth.
There are no original thoughts or questions. In the end, everything is plagiarism. Life is just one big regurgitation.
However, these facts don’t stop you from feeling special and insightful when you eventually do think up something really, really deep. None of the thoughts in this book are new, or if they were then they won’t be by the time they reach you.
Bertrand Russell wrote that ‘the point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as to seem not worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it’.
Just remember – if you can argue it, it’s philosophy. So sit back, put on your favourite smoking jacket, draw your pipe, and fill it with cannabis: for today, gentlemen, we shall philosophize...
The Unfailing Wisdom of Email Forwards
Here is an enthralling and utterly thought-provoking piece of philosophical nostalgia for all those who frequently receive plagiaries of Murphy’s Law, great thinkers, and varying soul-destroying clichés in their inbox. Unfortunately for some, it is inevitably the greatest wisdom they will ever encounter.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Support bacteria; it’s the only culture some people have.
Everyone has a photographic memory, it’s just some of us are out of film.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
All good things corrupt the mind.
Always try to be modest, and proud of it.
When in doubt, make it sound convincing.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
That which does not kill us has made a tactical error.
All the good ones are taken: if they aren’t taken, there’s a reason for it.
Sex is hereditary: if your parents haven’t had it, chances are you won’t either.
Kids in the back seat can cause accidents; accidents in the back seat can cause kids.
Make love not war, unless you want to do both. If so, get married.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
Some say seeing is believing, but first you have to believe it to see it.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Inside every older person there is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.
There is nothing new except the individual.
You never really know a person until you’ve shared a box of chocolates with them.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
It isn’t worth crying over spilt milk, unless it is chocolate milk.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its students.
If the world did not suck, we would all fall off.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
64.3% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost.
An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about absolutely nothing.
Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked into jet engines.
The chance of the bread falling buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Jury: twelve people whose job it is to determine which client has the better solicitor.
Refrain means ‘don’t do it’; a refrain in music is the part you shouldn’t try to sing.
A conclusion is the place you reach when you get tired of thinking.
It’s better to be poor than rich. The rich always fear becoming poor, but the poor never fear becoming rich.
A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
What you are searching for is always in the last place you look.
Enough research will support any theory.
The other line always moves faster.
Nothing is impossible if you don’t have to do it yourself.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
The distance to the departure gate is directly proportional to the weight of your hand-luggage and inversely proportional to the time remaining before your flight.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
The only thing constant is change.
You never get homeless people in the countryside.
Boxing is like ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
The pen is mightier than the sword, especially if the holder of the pen has access to WMDs.
Can you ever be in the wrong place at the right time?
If 299,792,458 m/s is the speed of light, what is the speed of dark?
Do you get lost in thought because it is such unfamiliar territory?
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
If a tin whistle is made out of tin, what’s a fog horn made of?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If a deaf child swears, does their mother wash their hands out with soap?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
Why, when visiting a doctor, do you feel much better the moment you arrive and much worse the moment you leave?
If you had a completely open mind, would your brains fall out?