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THE BERNARD SHAW LIBRARY

THREE PLAYS FOR PURITANS

‘He did his best in redressing the fateful unbalance between truth and reality, in lifting mankind to a higher rung of social maturity. He often pointed a scornful finger at human frailty, but his jests were never at the expense of humanity’ Thomas Mann

‘Shaw will not allow complacency; he hates second-hand opinions; he attacks fashion; he continually challenges and unsettles, questioning and provoking us even when he is making us laugh. And he is still at it. No cliché or truism of contemporary life is safe from him’ Michael Holroyd

‘In his works Shaw left us his mind … Today we have no Shavian wizard to awaken us with clarity and paradox, and the loss to our national intelligence is immense’ John Carey, Sunday Times

‘An important writer and an interesting socialist and critic … Thank God he lived’ Peter Levi, Independent

‘He was a Tolstoy with jokes, a modern Dr Johnson, a universal genius who on his own modest reckoning put even Shakespeare in the shade’ John Campbell, Independent

‘His plays were superb exercises in high-level argument on every issue under the sun, from feminism and God, to war and eternity, but they were also hits – and still are’ Paul Johnson, Daily Mail

BERNARD SHAW was born in Dublin in 1856. Although essentially shy, he created the persona of G.B.S., the showman, satirist, controversialist, critic, pundit, wit, intellectual buffoon and dramatist. Commentators brought a new adjective into English: Shavian, a term used to embody all his brilliant qualities.

After his arrival in London in 1876 he became an active Socialist and a brilliant platform speaker. He wrote on many social aspects of the day: on Common Sense about the War (1914), How to Settle the Irish Question (1917) and The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Socialism and Capitalism (1928). He undertook his own education at the British Museum and consequently became keenly interested in cultural subjects. Thus his prolific output included music, art and theatre reviews, which were collected into several volumes, such as Music In London 1890–1894 (3 vols., 1931), Pen Portraits and Reviews (1931); and Our Theatres in the Nineties (23 vols., 1931). He also wrote five novels, including Cashel Byron’s Profession (published by Penguin), and a collection of shorter works issued as A Black Girl in Search of God and Some Lesser Tales (also in Penguin).

Shaw conducted a strong attack on the London Theatre and was closely associated with the intellectual revival of British Theatre. His many plays (the full canon runs to 52) fall into several categories: ‘Plays Pleasant’; ‘Plays Unpleasant’; ‘Plays for Puritans’; political plays; chronicle plays; ‘metabiological Pentateuch’ (Back to Methuselah) in five plays; extravaganzas; romances; and fables. He died in 1950.

MICHAEL BILLINGTON read English at Oxford University, has been drama critic of the Guardian since 1971 and broadcasts frequently on the arts. His first book, The Modern Actor, appeared in 1973 and since then he has written studies of the work of Alan Ayckbourn and Tom Stoppard and biographies of Peggy Ashcroft and Harold Pinter. A selection of his theatre reviews is also published under the title One Night Stands.

DAN H. LAURENCE, editor of Shaw’s Collected Letters, his Collected Plays with their Prefaces, Shaw’s Music and (with Daniel Leary) The Complete Prefaces, was Literary Adviser to the Shaw Estate until his retirement in 1990. He is Series Editor for the works of Shaw in Penguin.

BERNARD SHAW

THREE PLAYS FOR PURITANS

THE DEVIL’S DISCIPLE
CAESAR AND CLEOPATRA
CAPTAIN BRASSBOUND’S CONVERSION

Definitive text under the editorial supervision of
DAN H. LAURENCE
with an Introduction by MICHAEL BILLINGTON

PENGUIN BOOKS

PENGUIN BOOKS

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

www.penguin.com

Three Plays for Puritans first published 1901

Preface Copyright 1930, George Bernard Shaw. Copyright © 1957, The Public Trustee as Executor of the Estate of George Bernard Shaw.

Introduction copyright © Michael Billington 2000

Business connected with Bernard Shaw’s plays is in the hands of The Society of Authors, 84 Drayton Gardens, London SW10 9SB (Telephone 020–7373 6642/3), to which all inquiries and applications for licences should be addressed and fees paid. Dates and places of contemplated performances must be precisely specified in all applications. Accounts showing the receipts at each performance should accompany payments.

Applications for permission to give stock and amateur performances of Bernard Shaw’s plays in the United States of America and Canada should be made to Samuel French, Inc.45 West 25th Street, New York, New York 10010. In all other cases, whether for stage, radio, or television, application should be made to The Society of Authors, 84 Drayton Gardens, London SW10 9SB, England.

Except in the United States of America, this book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser

ISBN: 978-0-14-196365-5

CONTENTS

Introduction

THREE PLAYS FOR PURITANS

Preface

The Devil’s Disciple: A Melodrama

Caesar and Cleopatra: A History

Captain Brassbound’s Conversion: An Adventure

Principal Works of Bernard Shaw

INTRODUCTION

Why for Puritans? Shaw answers the point eloquently in his own Preface. The London stage of the 1890s was awash with sensuousness in the form of ritualized Shakespeare, sham Ibsen and voyeuristic musical farces. Out there, Shaw believed, was an audience that craved more than Irvingesque spectacle, Pinerotic gentility and substitute sex. The Puritan instinct wanted ideas and despised vacuous nonsense. ‘Consequently,’ says Shaw, ‘the box office will never become an English influence until the theatre turns from the drama of romance and sensuality to the drama of edification.’

That was the supposed agenda. But Shaw was also a shrewd theatrical operator who, during three backbreaking years as a drama critic, learned that the English like purpose to be mixed with pleasure: that they are prepared to swallow any pill as long as it is coated with sugar. So, in these three plays, he appropriated highly popular forms: Victorian melodrama in The Devil’s Disciple, the heroic history play in Caesar and Cleopatra and the exotic adventure story in Captain Brassbound’s Conversion. In each instance Shaw cannily mixed ironic inversion with external fulfilment: ideas with action. He was also a practical realist who, far from despising the Victorian star-system, was quite prepared to work with it. As Michael Holroyd’s indispensable biography makes clear, each of these plays was in some way propelled by a star name. The Devil’s Disciple was triggered by a suggestion from William Terriss, the Adelphi actor–manager, that Shaw write a surefire melodrama. Caesar and Cleopatra was written for Johnston Forbes Robertson: ‘the only actor on the English stage,’ claimed Shaw, ‘capable of playing a classical part in the grand manner without losing the charm and lightness of an accomplished comedian.’ And Captain Brassbound’s Conversion was a vehicle for Ellen Terry with whom Shaw had carried on a four-year epistolary affair. Shaw may have wanted to reform the English stage: he was also, in the 1890s, a frustrated figure still craving the popular recognition he felt was his due.

These three plays clearly work on any number of levels. They both deploy and subvert popular forms. They are star-vehicles written for a supposedly idea-hungry Puritan audience. They also give the lie to many of the myths about Shaw: that his plays are passionless, didactic, devoid of real characters and any sense of pain or ecstasy. The abiding paradox of Shaw is that he is both boundlessly fertile and deeply personal at the same time. Borges, in a tantalizing essay on Shaw, quotes a letter in which he wrote: ‘I understand everything and everyone and I am nothing and no one.’ Out of this nothingness, hyperbolically compared to God before creating the world, Borges claims that Shaw educed innumerable characters. Yet drama is also an inescapably autobiographical art; and what you find, in these three early works, is Shaw attempting to separate heroism from romance and redefine our notion of earthly goodness. They are three plays for Puritans. They are also three plays about Shaw himself.

You see this clearly in The Devil’s Disciple: a work of which I have always been irrationally fond since I played the Rev. Anthony Anderson at school. The setting is Massachusetts during the American War of Independence; and the first act offers a vehement assault on the kind of dead Puritanism embodied by Mrs Dudgeon who ‘being exceedingly disagreeable is held to be exceedingly good.’ Kenneth Tynan, reviewing the play in 1956, questioned the relevance of this attack on oppressive motherhood: in fact, it has everything to do both with the main theme and with Shaw’s own psyche. He was clearly haunted by his relationship with his mother, Lucinda Elizabeth; and his plays are, partly, an attempt to exorcize that demon. Just as Vivie in Mrs Warren’s Profession puts self-fulfilling work before her mother’s life of profitable vice, so the supposedly diabolical Dick Dudgeon puts self-indulgent pleasure before his mother’s form of penitential virtue. In each case a child rejects its parent; and, even if Shaw didn’t go quite that far, he once described his childhood to Ellen Terry as ‘rich only in dreams, frightful and loveless in realities.’

But the character of Mrs Dudgeon is also crucial to Shaw’s main concern: the idea of motiveless goodness. Mrs Dudgeon represents the negative aspects of Puritanism: self-denial, fake piety, obsession with appearances. Her son, Dick, embodies its positive aspects: self-realization, genuine charity, disregard for others’ opinion. He plays at being a disciple of the devil; but, in the moment of crisis when he assumes the identity of the rebel minister, he becomes a follower of Christ. In melodrama, mistaken identity is purely a narrative trick: here, in donning the minister’s coat, Dick reveals his true self. Self-sacrifice is also normally inspired, most famously in A Tale of Two Cities, by romantic love: here is it a purely instinctive gesture. As Dick says to the deluded Judith, who believes he has sacrificed himself purely for her, ‘I had no motive and no interest: all I can tell you is that when it came to the point whether I would take my neck out of the noose and put another man’s into it, I could not do it. I’ve been brought up standing by the law of my own nature; and I may not go against it, gallows or no gallows.’

Dick Dudgeon is one of a whole series of Shavian self-portraits: the would-be rebel who’s really a preacher at heart. But, to be honest, the play’s theatrical survival has always depended on two things. One is the audience’s palpable enjoyment of the thing satirized: Shaw may be subverting melodrama but he also appeals to our appetite for escape and pursuit, sudden-reversals, last-minute rescues at the scaffold. The other reason for the play’s continuance is the character of General Burgoyne: one of those gilt-edged parts in which sardonic irony and aristocratic languor camouflage a growing despair at the ‘jobbery and snobbery, incompetence and red tape’ of the British War Office. It is a gift of a role; but in my experience only Daniel Massey, at the National Theatre in 1994, fully caught Burgoyne’s mixture of lofty hauteur and simmering rage. Shaw may have loathed military incompetence; but he had a great respect for professional leaders.

The point comes across even more clearly in Caesar and Cleopatra: a play that does not so much debunk as redefine the nature of heroism. The work itself has a complex ancestry. It is partly a cheeky riposte to Shakespeare’s two most famous Roman plays: Antony and Cleopatra in which, in Shaw’s view, a tawdry affair is transfigured by sublime poetry and Julius Caesar in which the titular hero is an ‘admitted failure’, But Shaw is also reacting against the nineteenth century fashion for pageant-drama filled with Tussaud-like figures. As Shaw said when reviewing Sardou’s Madame Sans-Gêne, it is easy enough to dress someone up as Napoleon or Julius Caesar ‘but if at the end of the play the personage so dressed up has felt nothing, seen nothing, done nothing that might not have been as appropriately felt, seen and done by his valet’ then little has been achieved. Shaw’s Caesar certainly has the aura of greatness. In his conquest of Egypt and his education of Cleopatra he reveals an extraordinary mixture of military shrewdness, political wisdom and spiritual grace: even his touches of vanity, such as his sensitivity about his baldness and his age, are beguiling. Shaw, in the words of Eric Bentley, takes the hero off his pedestal ‘only to demonstrate that the flesh-and-blood man was much more of a hero than the statue and the legend.’ But what is extraordinary is the way author and character merge in a creation once wittily dubbed ‘Shavius Caesar.’ The stock charge is that Shaw’s characters are simply mouthpieces for their author: here you feel the writer has been imaginatively possessed by his character so that the two become as one. The Caesar who defends the burning of the Alexandrian library on the grounds that the memory of mankind is shameful, the Caesar who praises talk as against the brutal life of action, above all the Caesar who inveighs against the endless cycle of murderous vengeance: all these stem from Shaw’s own absolute identification with his character.

There are many reasons why the play is not much done today. The kind of costume drama it parodies is dead, the narrative is clumsily organized and it requires both a large cast and multiple sets: a problem none too cleverly solved at Chichester in 1971 by staging it in an all-white nursery filled with rocking-horses and hula hoops. But the play deserves re-examination if only because of what it tells us about Shaw’s preoccupation with unsentimental heroism and because of the antithetical beauty of Shaw’s prose. The two things come together in the moment where Cleopatra defends her pragmatic murder of the people’s favourite, Pothinus:

CLEOPATRA (vehemently): Listen to me, Caesar. If one man in all Alexandria can be found to say that I did wrong, I swear to have myself crucified on the door of the palace by my own slaves.

CAESAR: If one man can be found in all the world, now or forever, to know that you did wrong, that man will have either to conquer the world as I have, or be crucified by it.

This is not only Shaw at his most musical. It is also a deeply felt personal statement: that the only people capable of resisting the endless human cycle of slaughter – ‘always,’ says Caesar, ‘in the name of right, honour and peace’ – are what Bentley calls the man too strong to be attacked and the man too humble to mind: the conqueror or the saint. In later years Shaw invested much of his faith in dictatorship. At this stage of his career, he was obsessed by the notion of natural goodness: all these plays for Puritans are variations on the Sermon on the Mount.

Of the three, Captain Brassbound’s Conversion is decidedly the oddest; but also the one that cries out most for theatrical revival. Inspired equally by Ellen Terry, the Victorian explorer Mary Kingsley, Shelley’s The Witch of Atlas and a book of philosophic travel called Mogreb-el-Acksa by the flamboyant anti-imperialist, R. B. Cunninghame Graham, the play is, in part, an exotic Moroccan adventure story. The fearless Lady Cicely Waynflete and her brother-in-law, Judge Hallam, venture into the interior with Captain Brassbound and his Gilbertian gang of sailors. But Brassbound has deliberately led them into a trap: it turns out that he is the Judge’s nephew and is seeking revenge for the death of his mother and the theft of his inheritance. The tables are turned, however, when the party is rescued from Moorish captivity by the arrival of an American cruiser. Brassbound and his crew are put on trial and saved from charges of abduction only by Lady Cicely’s skilful manipulation of the truth.

It is certainly a bizarre play: a Savoy comic opera without the songs. Yet the form of freewheeling adventure was one peculiarly suited to Shaw’s mercurial talents. It also enables him to articulate more fully the obsessive themes of the earlier plays: the power of natural goodness, the pointlessness of revenge, the triumph of realism over romance. Lady Cicely is vividly described in the stage directions: ‘a woman of great vitality and humanity who begins a casual acquaintance at the point usually attained by English people after thirty years’ acquaintance when they are capable of reaching it all.’ She also perfectly embodies Shaw’s idea of a superior moral force. She subverts the institutionalized justice represented by Judge Hallam: when he accuses her of failing to tell the whole truth about their captivity, she replies ‘What nonsense! As if anybody ever knew the whole truth about anything.’ But, equally, she knocks on the head the romanticized revenge of Captain Brassbound who has turned his uncle into a storybook villain and his mother into a melodramatic victim whose portrait he finally tears to pieces (a nice touch of Shavian symbolism). As she tells Brassbound, he and his uncle are simply two sides of the same judicial coin: ‘only he gets £5,000 a year for it and you do it for nothing.’

As in the earlier plays, however, Shaw shows that solitude is a condition of saintliness. Dick Dudgeon rejects the romantic claims of Judith Anderson to become a preacher. Caesar eludes the kittenish wiles of Cleopatra returning to Rome and a predestined death. And here Lady Cicely – who is actually called a saint by the Italian sailor she has nursed – and Captain Brassbound edge towards marriage only to escape with mutual sighs of relief. ‘I have never been in love with any real person,’ says Lady Cicely, ‘and I never shall. How could I manage people if I had that mad little bit of self left in me? That’s my secret.’ It is also the secret of Three Plays for Puritans. They show Shaw anticipating Brecht by divorcing the heroic from the romantic. They demonstrate that goodness exists independently of sexual attraction. They are studies in conversion dominated by the idea of earthly sanctity. But, like a true Puritan, Shaw understands the sensuous force of what is being defined. The plays celebrate the triumph of the individual conscience; but the sound I hear underneath is of Shaw’s own painful acceptance of the profound loneliness that comes from strength.

CONTENTS

PREFACE

Why for Puritans?

On Diabolonian Ethics

Better than Shakespear?

THE DEVIL’S DISCIPLE: A MELODRAMA

Notes to The Devil’s Disciple:

General Burgoyne

Brudenell

CÆSAR AND CLEOPATRA: A HISTORY

Notes to Cæsar and Cleopatra:

Cleopatra’s Cure for Baldness

Apparent Anachronisms

Cleopatra

Britannus

Julius Cæsar

CAPTAIN BRASSBOUND’S CONVERSION: AN ADVENTURE

Notes to Captain Brassbound:

Sources of the Play

English and American Dialects

THREE PLAYS FOR PURITANS

WHY FOR PURITANS?

SINCE I gave my Plays, Pleasant and Unpleasant, to the world two years ago, many things have happened to me. I had then just entered on the fourth year of my activity as a critic of the London theatres. They very nearly killed me. I had survived seven years of London’s music, four or five years of London’s pictures, and about as much of its current literature, wrestling critically with them with all my force and skill. After that, the criticism of the theatre came to me as a huge relief in point of bodily exertion. The difference between the leisure of a Persian cat and the labor of a cockney cab horse is not greater than the difference between the official weekly or fortnightly playgoings of the theatre critic and the restless daily rushing to and fro of the music critic, from the stroke of three in the afternoon, when the concerts begin, to the stroke of twelve at night, when the opera ends. The pictures were nearly as bad. An Alpinist once, noticing the massive soles of my boots, asked me whether I climbed mountains. No, I replied: these boots are for the hard floors of the London galleries. Yet I once dealt with music and pictures together in the spare time of an active young revolutionist, and wrote plays and books and other toilsome things into the bargain. But the theatre struck me down like the veriest weakling. I sank under it like a baby fed on starch. My very bones began to perish, so that I had to get them planed and gouged by accomplished surgeons. I fell from heights and broke my limbs in pieces. The doctors said: This man has not eaten meat for twenty years: he must eat it or die. I said: This man has been going to the London theatres for three years; and the soul of him has become inane and is feeding unnaturally on his body. And I was right. I did not change my diet; but I had myself carried up into a mountain where there was no theatre; and there I began to revive. Too weak to work, I wrote books and plays: hence the second and third plays in this volume. And now I am stronger than I have been at any moment since my feet first carried me as a critic across the fatal threshold of a London playhouse.

Why was this? What is the matter with the theatre, that a strong man can die of it? Well, the answer will make a long story; but it must be told. And, to begin, why have I just called the theatre a playhouse? The well-fed Englishman, though he lives and dies a schoolboy, cannot play. He cannot even play cricket or football: he has to work at them: that is why he beats the foreigner who plays at them. To him playing means playing the fool. He can hunt and shoot and travel and fight: he can, when special holiday festivity is suggested to him, eat and drink, dice and drab, smoke and lounge. But play he cannot. The moment you make his theatre a place of amusement instead of a place of edification, you make it, not a real playhouse, but a place of excitement for the sportsman and the sensualist.

However, this well-fed grown-up-schoolboy Englishman counts for little in the modern metropolitan audience. In the long lines of waiting playgoers lining the pavements outside our fashionable theatres every evening, the men are only the currants in the dumpling. Women are in the majority; and women and men alike belong to that least robust of all our social classes, the class which earns from eighteen to thirty shillings a week in sedentary employment, and lives in lonely lodgings or in drab homes with nagging relatives. These people preserve the innocence of the theatre: they have neither the philosopher’s impatience to get to realities (reality being the one thing they want to escape from), nor the longing of the sportsman for violent action, nor the full-fed, experienced, disillusioned sensuality of the rich man, whether he be gentleman or sporting publican. They read a good deal, and are at home in the fool’s paradise of popular romance. They love the pretty man and the pretty woman, and will have both of them fashionably dressed and exquisitely idle, posing against backgrounds of drawing room and dainty garden; in love, but sentimentally, romantically; always ladylike and gentlemanlike. Jejunely insipid, all this, to the stalls, which are paid for (when they are paid for) by people who have their own dresses and drawing rooms, and know them to be a mere masquerade behind which there is nothing romantic, and little that is interesting to most of the masqueraders except the clandestine play of natural licentiousness.

The stalls cannot be fully understood without taking into account the absence of the rich evangelical English merchant and his family, and the presence of the rich Jewish merchant and his family. I can see no validity whatever in the view that the influence of the rich Jews on the theatre is any worse than the influence of the rich of any other race. Other qualities being equal, men become rich in commerce in proportion to the intensity and exclusiveness of their desire for money. It may be a misfortune that the purchasing power of men who value money above art, philosophy, and the welfare of the whole community, should enable them to influence the theatre (and everything else in the market); but there is no reason to suppose that their influence is any nobler when they imagine themselves Christians than when they know themselves Jews. All that can fairly be said of the Jewish influence on the theatre is that it is exotic, and is not only a customer’s influence but a financier’s influence: so much so, that the way is smoothest for those plays and those performers that appeal specially to the Jewish taste. English influence on the theatre, as far as the stalls are concerned, does not exist, because the rich purchasing-powerful Englishman prefers politics and church-going: his soul is too stubborn to be purged by an avowed make-believe. When he wants sensuality he practises it: he does not play with voluptuous or romantic ideas. From the play of ideas – and the drama can never be anything more – he demands edification, and will not pay for anything else in that arena. Consequently the box office will never become an English influence until the theatre turns from the drama of romance and sensuality to the drama of edification.

Turning from the stalls to the whole auditorium, consider what is implied by the fact that the prices (all much too high, by the way) range from half a guinea to a shilling, the ages from eighteen to eighty, whilst every age, and nearly every price, represents a different taste. Is it not clear that this diversity in the audience makes it impossible to gratify every one of its units by the same luxury, since in that domain of infinite caprice, one man’s meat is another man’s poison, one age’s longing another age’s loathing? And yet that is just what the theatres kept trying to do almost all the time I was doomed to attend them. On the other hand, to interest people of divers ages, classes, and temperaments by some generally momentous subject of thought, as the politicians and preachers do, would seem the most obvious course in the world. And yet the theatres avoided that as a ruinous eccentricity. Their wiseacres persisted in assuming that all men have the same tastes, fancies, and qualities of passion; that no two have the same interests; and that most playgoers have no interests at all. This being precisely contrary to the obvious facts, it followed that the majority of the plays produced were failures, recognizable as such before the end of the first act by the very wiseacres aforementioned, who, quite incapable of understanding the lesson, would thereupon set to work to obtain and produce a play applying their theory still more strictly, with proportionately more disastrous results. The sums of money I saw thus transferred from the pockets of theatrical speculators and syndicates to those of wigmakers, costumiers, scene painters, carpenters, doorkeepers, actors, theatre landlords, and all the other people for whose exclusive benefit most London theatres seem to exist, would have kept a theatre devoted exclusively to the highest drama open all the year round. If the Browning and Shelley Societies were fools, as the wiseacres said they were, for producing Strafford, Colombe’s Birthday, and The Cenci; if the Independent Theatre, the New Century Theatre, and the Stage Society are impracticable faddists for producing the plays of Ibsen and Maeterlinck, then what epithet is contemptuous enough for the people who produce the would-be popular plays?

The actor-managers were far more successful, because they produced plays that at least pleased themselves, whereas Commerce, with a false theory of how to please everybody, produced plays that pleased nobody. But their occasional personal successes in voluptuous plays, and, in any case, their careful concealment of failure, confirmed the prevalent error, which was exposed fully only when the plays had to stand or fall openly by their own merits. Even Shakespear was played with his brains cut out. In 1896, when Sir Henry Irving was disabled by an accident at a moment when Miss Ellen Terry was too ill to appear, the theatre had to be closed after a brief attempt to rely on the attraction of a Shakespearean play performed by the stock company. This may have been Shakespear’s fault: indeed Sir Henry later on complained that he had lost a princely sum by Shakespear, But Shakespear’s reply to this, if he were able to make it, would be that the princely sum was spent, not on his dramatic poetry, but on a gorgeous stage ritualism superimposed on reckless mutilations of his text, the whole being addressed to a public as to which nothing is certain except that its natural bias is towards reverence for Shakespear and dislike and distrust of ritualism. No doubt the Irving ritual appealed to a far more cultivated sensuousness and imaginativeness than the musical farces in which our stage Abbots of Misrule pontificated (with the same financially disastrous result); but in both there was the same intentional brainlessness, founded on the same theory that the public did not want brains, did not want to think, did not want anything but pleasure at the theatre. Unfortunately, this theory happens to be true of a certain section of the public. This section, being courted by the theatres, went to them and drove the other people out. It then discovered, as any expert could have foreseen, that the theatre cannot compete in mere pleasuremongering either with the other arts or with matter-of-fact gallantry. Stage pictures are the worst pictures, stage music the worst music, stage scenery the worst scenery within reach of the Londoner. The leading lady or gentleman may be as tempting to the admirer in the pit as the dishes in a cookshop window are to the penniless tramp on the pavement; but people do not, I presume, go to the theatre to be merely tantalized.

The breakdown on the last point was conclusive. For when the managers tried to put their principle of pleasing everybody into practice, Necessity, ever ironical towards Folly, had driven them to seek a universal pleasure to appeal to. And since many have no ear for music or eye for color, the search for universality inevitably flung the managers back on the instinct of sex as the avenue to all hearts. Of course the appeal was a vapid failure. Speaking for my own sex, I can say that the leading lady was not to everybody’s taste: her pretty face often became ugly when she tried to make it expressive; her voice lost its charm (if it ever had any) when she had nothing sincere to say; and the stalls, from racial prejudice, were apt to insist on more Rebecca and less Rowena than the pit cared for. It may seem strange, even monstrous, that a man should feel a constant attachment to the hideous witches in Macbeth, and yet yawn at the pros-spect of spending another evening in the contemplation of a beauteous young leading lady with voluptuous contours and longlashed eyes, painted and dressed to perfection in the latest fashions. But that is just what happened to me in the theatre.

I did not find that matters were improved by the lady pretending to be ‘a woman with a past’, violently oversexed, or the play being called a problem play, even when the manager, and sometimes, I suspect, the very author, firmly believed the word problem to be the latest euphemism for what Justice Shallow called a bona roba, and certainly would not either of them have staked a farthing on the interest of a genuine problem. In fact these so-called problem plays invariably depended for their dramatic interest on foregone conclusions of the most heartwearying conventionality concerning sexual morality. The authors had no problematic views: all they wanted was to capture some of the fascination of Ibsen. It seemed to them that most of Ibsen’s heroines were naughty ladies. And they tried to produce Ibsen plays by making their heroines naughty. But they took great care to make them pretty and expensively dressed. Thus the pseudo-Ibsen play was nothing but the ordinary sensuous ritual of the stage become as frankly pornographic as good manners allowed.

I found that the whole business of stage sensuousness, whether as Lyceum Shakespear, musical farce, or sham Ibsen, finally disgusted me, not because I was Pharisaical, or intolerantly refined, but because I was bored; and boredom is a condition which makes men as susceptible to disgust and irritation as headache makes them to noise and glare. Being a man, I have my share of the masculine silliness and vulgarity on the subject of sex which so astonishes women, to whom sex is a serious matter. I am not an archbishop, and do not pretend to pass my life on one plane or in one mood, and that the highest: on the contrary, I am, I protest, as accessible to the humors of The Rogue’s Comedy or The Rake’s Progress as to the pious decencies of The Sign of the Cross. Thus Falstaff, coarser than any of the men in our loosest plays, does not bore me: Doll Tearsheet, more abandoned than any of the women, does not shock me. I admit that Romeo and Juliet would be a duller play if it were robbed of the solitary fragment it has preserved for us of the conversation of the husband of Juliet’s nurse. No: my disgust was not mere thinskinned prudery. When my moral sense revolted, as it often did to the very fibres, it was invariably at the nauseous compliances of the theatre with conventional virtue. If I despised the musical farces, it was because they never had the courage of their vices. With all their labored efforts to keep up an understanding of furtive naughtiness between the low comedian on the stage and the drunken undergraduate in the stalls, they insisted all the time on their virtue and patriotism and loyalty as pitifully as a poor girl of the pavement will pretend to be a clergyman’s daughter. True, I may have been offended when a manager, catering for me with coarse frankness as a slave dealer caters for a Pasha, invited me to forget the common bond of humanity between me and his company by demanding nothing from them but a gloatably voluptuous appearance. But this extreme is never reached at our better theatres. The shop assistants, the typists, the clerks, who, as I have said, preserve the innocence of the theatre, would not dare to let themselves be pleased by it. Even if they did, they would not get it from our reputable managers, who, when faced with the only logical conclusion from their principle of making the theatre a temple of pleasure, indignantly refuse to change the theatrical profession for Mrs Warren’s. For that is what all this demand for pleasure at the theatre finally comes to; and the answer to it is, not that people ought not to desire sensuous pleasure (they cannot help it) but that the theatre cannot give it to them, even to the extent permitted by the honor and conscience of the best managers, because a theatre is so far from being a pleasant or even a comfortable place that only by making us forget ourselves can it prevent us from realizing its inconveniences. A play that does not do this for the pleasure-seeker allows him to discover that he has chosen a disagreeable and expensive way of spending the evening. He wants to drink, to smoke, to change the spectacle, to get rid of the middle-aged actor and actress who are boring him, and to see shapely young dancing girls and acrobats doing more amusing things in a more plastic manner. In short, he wants the music hall; and he goes there, leaving the managers astonished at this unexpected but quite inevitable result of the attempt to please him. Whereas, had he been enthralled by the play, even with horror, instead of himself enthralling with the dread of his displeasure the manager, the author and the actors, all had been well. And so we must conclude that the theatre is a place which people can endure only when they forget themselves: that is, when their attention is entirely captured, their interest thoroughly aroused, their sympathies raised to the eagerest readiness, and their selfishness utterly annihilated. Imagine, then, the result of conducting theatres on the principle of appealing exclusively to the instinct of self-gratification in people without power of attention, without interests, without sympathy: in short, without brains or heart. That is how they were conducted whilst I was writing about them; and that is how they nearly killed me.

Yet the managers mean well. Their self-respect is in excess rather than in defect; for they are in full reaction against the Bohemianism of past generations of actors, and so bent on compelling social recognition by a blameless respectability, that the drama, neglected in the struggle, is only just beginning to stir feebly after standing still in England from Tom Robertson’s time in the sixties until the first actor was knighted in the nineties. The manager may not want good plays; but he does not want bad plays: he wants nice ones. Nice plays, with nice dresses, nice drawing rooms and nice people, are indispensable: to be ungenteel is worse than to fail. I use the word ungenteel purposely; for the stage presents life on thirty pounds a day, not as it is, but as it is conceived by the earners of thirty shillings a week. The real thing would shock the audience exactly as the manners of the public school and university shock a Board of Guardians. In just the same way, the plays which constitute the genuine aristocracy of modern dramatic literature shock the reverence for gentility which governs our theatres today. For instance, the objection to Ibsen is not really an objection to his philosophy: it is a protest against the fact that his characters do not behave as ladies and gentlemen are popularly supposed to behave. If you adore Hedda Gabler in real life, if you envy her and feel that nothing but your poverty prevents you from being as exquisite a creature, if you know that the accident of matrimony (say with an officer of the guards who falls in love with you across the counter whilst you are reckoning the words in his telegram) may at any moment put you in her place, Ibsen’s exposure of the worthlessness and meanness of her life is cruel and blasphemous to you. This point of view is not caught by the clever ladies of Hedda’s own class, who recognize the portrait, applaud its painter, and think the fuss against Ibsen means nothing more than the conventional disapproval of her discussions of a menage à trois with Judge Brack. A little experience of popular plays would soon convince these clever ladies that a heroine who atones in the last act by committing suicide may do all the things that Hedda only talked about, without a word of remonstrance from the press or the public. It is not murder, not adultery, not rapine that is objected to: quite the contrary. It is an unladylike attitude towards life: in other words, a disparagement of the social ideals of the poorer middle class and of the vast reinforcements it has had from the working class during the last twenty years. Let but the attitude of the author be gentlemanlike, and his heroines may do what they please. Mrs Tanqueray was received with delight by the public: Saint Teresa would have been hissed off the same stage for her contempt for the ideal represented by a carriage, a fashionable dressmaker, and a dozen servants.

Here, then, is a pretty problem for the manager. He is convinced that plays must depend for their dramatic force on appeals to the sex instinct; and yet he owes it to his own newly conquered social position that they shall be perfectly genteel plays, fit for churchgoers. The sex instinct must therefore proceed upon genteel assumptions. Impossible! you will exclaim. But you are wrong: nothing is more astonishing than the extent to which, in real life, the sex instinct does so proceed, even when the consequence is its lifelong starvation. Few of us have vitality enough to make any of our instincts imperious: we can be made to live on pretences, as the masterful minority well know. But the timid majority, if it rules nowhere else, at least rules in the theatre: fitly enough too, because on the stage pretence is all that can exist. Life has its realities behind its shows: the theatre has nothing but its shows. But can the theatre make a show of lovers’ endearments? A thousand times no: perish the thought of such unladylike, ungentlemanlike exhibitions. You can have fights, rescues, conflagrations, trials-at-law, avalanches, murders and executions all directly simulated on the stage if you will. But any such realistic treatment of the incidents of sex is quite out of the question. The singer, the dramatic dancer, the exquisite declaimer of impassioned poesy, the rare artist who, bringing something of the art of all three to the ordinary work of the theatre, can enthrall an audience by the expression of dramatic feeling alone, may take love for a theme on the stage; but the prosaic walking gentleman of our fashionable theatres, realistically simulating the incidents of life, cannot touch it without indecorum.

Can any dilemma be more complete? Love is assumed to be the only theme that touches all your audience infallibly, young and old, rich and poor. And yet love is the one subject that the drawing room drama dare not present.

Out of this dilemma, which is a very old one, has come the romantic play: that is, the play in which love is carefully kept off the stage, whilst it is alleged as the motive of all the actions presented to the audience. The result is, to me at least, an intolerable perversion of human conduct. There are two classes of stories that seem to me to be not only fundamentally false but sordidly base. One is the pseudo-religious story, in which the hero or heroine does good on strictly commercial grounds, reluctantly exercising a little

The worst of it is that since man’s intellectual consciousness of himself is derived from the descriptions of him in books, a persistent misrepresentation of humanity in literature gets finally accepted and acted upon. If every mirror reflected our noses twice their natural size, we should live and die in the faith that we were all Punches; and we should scout a true mirror as the work of a fool, madman, or jester. Nay, I believe we should, by Lamarckian adaptation, enlarge our noses to the admired size; for I have noticed that when a certain type of feature appears in painting and is admired as beautiful, it presently becomes common in nature; so that the Beatrices and Francescas in the picture galleries of one generation, to whom minor poets address verses entitled To My Lady, come to life as the parlormaids and waitresses of the next. If the conventions of romance are only insisted on long enough and uniformly enough (a condition guaranteed by the uniformity of human folly and vanity), then, for the huge compulsorily schooled masses who read romance or nothing, these conventions will become the laws of personal honor. Jealousy, which is either an egotistical meanness or a specific mania, will become obligatory; and ruin, ostracism, breaking up of homes, duelling, murder, suicide and infanticide will be produced (often have been produced, in fact) by incidents which, if left to the operation of natural and right feeling, would produce nothing worse than an hour’s soon-forgotten fuss. Men will be slain needlessly on the field of battle because officers conceive it to be their first duty to make romantic exhibitions of conspicuous gallantry. The squire who has never spared an hour from the hunting field to do a little public work on a parish council will be cheered as a patriot because he is willing to kill and get killed for the sake of conferring himself as an institution on other countries. In the courts cases will be argued, not on juridical but on romantic principles; and vindictive damages and vindictive sentences, with the acceptance of nonsensical, and the repudiation or suppression of sensible testimony, will destroy the very sense of law. Kaisers, generals, judges, and prime ministers will set the example of playing to the gallery. Finally the people, now that their compulsory literacy enables every penman to play on their romantic illusions, will be led by the nose far more completely than they ever were by playing on their former ignorance and superstition. Nay, why should I say will be? they are. Ten years of cheap reading have changed the English from the most stolid nation in Europe to the most theatrical and hysterical.

Is it clear now, why the theatre was insufferable to me; why it left its black mark on my bones as it has left its black mark on the character of the nation; why I call the Puritans to rescue it again as they rescued it before when its foolish pursuit of pleasure sunk it in ‘profaneness and immorality’? I have, I think, always been a Puritan in my attitude towards Art. I am as fond of fine music and handsome building as Milton was, or Cromwell, or Bunyan; but if I found that they were becoming the instruments of a systematic idolatry of sensuousness, I would hold it good statesmanship to blow every cathedral in the world to pieces with dynamite, organ and all, without the least heed to the screams of the art critics and cultured voluptuaries. And when I see that the nineteenth century has crowned the idolatry of Art with the deification of Love, so that every poet is supposed to have pierced to the holy of holies when he has announced that Love is the Supreme, or the Enough, or the All, I feel that Art was safer in the hands of the most fanatical of Cromwell’s major generals than it will be if ever it gets into mine. The pleasures of the senses I can sympathize with and share; but the substitution of sensuous ecstasy for intellectual activity and honesty is the very devil. It has already brought us to Flogging Bills in Parliament, and, by reaction, to androgynous heroes on the stage; and if the infection spreads until the democratic attitude becomes thoroughly Romanticist, the country will become unbearable for all realists, Philistine or Platonic. When it comes to that, the brute force of the strongminded Bismarckian man of action, impatient of humbug, will combine with the subtlety and spiritual energy of the man of thought whom shams cannot illude or interest. That combination will be on one side; and Romanticism will be on the other. In which event, so much the worse for Romanticism, which will come down even if it has to drag Democracy down with it. For all institutions have in the long run to live by the nature of things, and not by childish pretendings.