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First published 2013
Spike Milligan’s letters copyright © Norma Farnes Management, 2013
Letter from John Lennon and Yoko Ono © Yoko Ono Lennon
Letter from John Bratby © the estate of John Bratby, by courtesy of Julian Hartnoll
All other letters copyright © the authors
All rights reserved
The moral right of the copyright holders has been asserted
Every effort has been made to trace copyright holders and to obtain their permission for the use of copyright material. The publisher apologizes for any errors or omissions and would be grateful to be notified of any corrections that should be incorporated in future editions of this book
ISBN: 978-0-241-96693-8
Introduction
PART ONE: A Man of Letters
1 Assorted Misunderstandings
2 Hobnobbing
3 Politely Declined
PART TWO: Milligan on a Mission
4 Pulling Strings
5 Hammering at the Door
6 Letters to the Editor
7 In Defence of Animals
8 Here is the Dilemma
PART THREE: Writing it Off
9 Internal Mail
10 The Rise and Fall of Oblomov
11 Publish and Be Damned
12 The Jimmy Verner Affair
13 Broadcasting – His Opinions
14 Crunching the Numbers
PART FOUR: Words of Support
15 Man of the People
16 Mental Health
17 Love, Light and Peace
Illustrations
Acknowledgements
Follow Penguin
I would like to dedicate this book to the
Saint and Saintess
aka
Ashley and Gordon Blakeway
For everything.
I’ver always wished to be a man of letters. Well apparently this book does it for me. Unbeknown to me my manager, under my very nose (in a crouching position) has all these years been secretly compiling a book from my correspondence. I often wondered what she was doing in my office. She never did a stroke of work for me. All the time I have been working for her. Time and time again she would come into my office when I was concentrating on a TV show, or a book and she would say ‘You must rest, relax, why not write a letter to The Times or someone?’, anything to stop me working. I would do her bidding. On the basis of this she is abiut to become rich. However I forgive her, and I will be back in the office next Monday morning working for her as usual.
[Spike’s original foreword to the first volume of his letters, published in 1977.]
‘Norma, my name is Will Hammond. I’m an editor at Viking Publishing.’
Me: ‘Y-e-e-e-s?’ Wondering what he wanted from me.
‘I’ve been looking through our back catalogue and I’d like to talk to you about your books – The Spike Milligan Letters, Volumes One and Two.’
I knew he would want something. They always do.
We talked for a while and then I told him that in 1994 I had started to collate Volume Three and was possibly two-thirds of the way through that volume. I had not looked at it since that time because a million other things had taken over called life, and as Eric Sykes would say, ‘It got put on the back burner.’
Will Hammond became full of enthusiasm and wanted to meet me. At the time I was frantically busy so we arranged a meeting three weeks hence. Mind you, he didn’t tell me how charming he was and how devastatingly good-looking he is, or I would have cancelled everything and arranged to meet him the next day. What a pity he’s not ten years younger!!!
Back to The Spike Milligan Letters. Volume One came about because I was going through a sticky patch and Spike wanted to help me. Remember he was once a flypaper (his, not mine).
This is an extract from my introduction to the first volume and I think it explains everything: ‘I was going through a pretty bad patch – a divorce – Spike had been through it all, and knew the mental strain only too well. When he discovered I had to pay out money to stay in the flat I was living in – he was horrified. And, one morning, when all this was going on, he came into my office and said, “How are you off for bread? – badly, I’ll bet – well I’ll have to think of a way you can earn some extra,” and walked out of the office.
‘I had a lot on my mind at the time, and completely forgot all about it. Until about three or four days later, Spike came into my office and said, “I’ve been thinking about your bread situation,” and I said, “Don’t bother, I’ll get a night job,” and he said, “seriously, Norm, why don’t you go through my files and collate some of my letters – ask the publisher if he is interested in putting them into a book. They might sell, and at least they will tide you over for a bit.”
‘And that’s how it all started. Mind you, there was a condition. He didn’t want to know anything about it, didn’t want to be asked an opinion, didn’t want to see the choice of letters, or be asked any questions at all (which you can imagine was difficult, making my own choice from thousands of letters he writes every year, to all and sundry). And the position it put me in. A truly magnanimous gesture on his part, and what if he didn’t approve, because he still hasn’t a clue of what is going into the book – what a position to be in? All he has ever said is, “Surprise me, and give me the first copy when it’s ready.” ’
So when I bought a new car in 1994, Spike said to Eric, ‘She’s committed financial suicide again, she’s bought herself a new car and I’ve told her she had better start on Volume Three, I thought I’d better warn you.’
So here it is. A handful of the letters in the following pages appeared in those two previous volumes. The rest have never been reproduced before.
I’m sitting at my desk flicking through Volume One and I’m smiling at some of the letters and notes. How did we live through all that drama and, more importantly, how did we survive?
After what seems like a thousand years, it’s amazing that I can still smile at some of what I call Spike’s ‘Golden Moments’. To me some of them are worth repeating and I’d like to include a few notes alongside the letters. I’ll mark them and I hope they may make you smile – if they make you laugh it’s a bonus.
It’s eleven years since Spike died (26 February 2002) and people still ask me, ‘Do you miss him?’
Reading through the letters and notes in this book, how could I not? Of course I miss the old sod.
Norma Farnes
16 April 2013*
