Find Healing in Times of Grief and Loss
Introduction
In her book, Grief Therapy, Karen Katafiasz encourages the reader, “Respect the power of grief. Know that it can affect you psychologically, physically, and spiritually in intense and sometimes surprising ways. Stay gentle with yourself.” This is sage advice and an important reminder of the significant ways that grief can impact each one of us.
The five authors in this volume all speak to the ways that we can enter into the experience of grief and come through with hearts and spirits renewed by the cherished memories of the one we’ve lost. Whether the passing of our dear one was recent or further in the past, peace is always possible.
Bringing together five of our most celebrated CareNotes, it is our hope that Finding Healing in Times of Grief and Loss will provide help and hope to you and your families as you remember and celebrate the life and memory of those who have gone before.
—Silas Henderson
Contents
I. Grieving With a Grateful Heart
II. Letting Tears Bring Healing and Renewal
III. Why We Need to Tell the Story of the One We Lost
IV. Cherishing Your Memories of a Loved One
V. The Other Side of Grief
About the Authors
CHAPTER I
Grieving With a Grateful Heart
By Lisa Irish
How does one take a deep breath when the clenching pain of loss wraps around your chest? How does one see the blue sky or hear the morning birds greet the rising sun when all one can see or hear is emptiness? A grieving heart gets lost in a land of denial and loneliness and cannot reconnect, or even imagine, the experiences of love that were sown long before. Those moments of intimacy, of connection, and of life together are no longer strands of love that created this specific relationship. They become sources of pain, reminders of what is missing.
Janet deeply missed Tom, her husband of 42 years. She could not, and on some days would not, imagine life without him. She chose to ask for help, though, and joined a bereavement support group at our hospital. She faithfully attended week after week, to share her feelings and to listen to new friends in the group. On the last night, after a gentle collage-making activity, she said, “I just figured something out. All this time I have been coming here and talking about Tom, I have been honoring him. How grateful I am he was part of my life.”
Working your way through
Janet’s sadness was not immediately transformed that night. She still hurt, deeply, from Tom’s absence. Yet something shifted when she opened her heart to gratitude, when she began to consider the gift of this relationship as she moved forward in her life. When seeds of gratitude are planted, we become open to another point of view. The devastating experience of loss is still present; but with time, awareness, and nurturing, a grateful heart beats within the broken places and brings healing. The memory of our loved one becomes a source of life, not just a reminder of loss. Read on as we highlight attitudes and actions that might be helpful in cultivating grateful grieving.
Saying “Thank you.” Most of us were trained as little children to say these two words, and we often repeated them without thinking. As adults, though, we might bring more awareness to the “thank you” opportunities in our daily life. The beauty of creation or the kindness of others all provide opportunities for giving thanks.
Cultivating this habit can help us practice gratitude when facing our loss, as well. For example, a glance at the desk and empty chair reminded Janet that her husband was no longer there to manage their finances. In the midst of this painful memory, she was able to remind herself of his hard work for their family. She opened her broken heart and offered a silent “thank you” to Tom. This simple statement became an intention and slowly, became a prayer, as she realized the love that was and is still present. With awareness, “thank you” becomes a doorway into living in the present moment, bringing love alongside.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.
—Melody Beattie,
The Language of Letting Go Journal
Embrace the legacy