Cover

CHAPTER 0 STARTING THE JOURNEY

Some say the shards of the cosmos were created from desire: a desire to know, a desire to feel, a desire to become something new. Some say that the Limitless, the Great Zero, the All—sometimes called God Hirself, or by many other names—divided for the sake of Love, to better know Hirself.¹

Some others say it was just time for a change.

Some say that things exploded from the heat of this desire.

They say, as time stretched, becoming linear, some things moved farther and farther apart while others drew themselves back together, forming new shapes, different colors, or strange and beautiful harmonies that became new notes altogether. Some say we can do this, too. Our unique sparks remember their connection to the whole. We can follow the great star Desire, and join the cosmos in dancing forth creation. We create worlds with our lives, our loves, our visions, work, and joy.

What is stretching out inside of you? What in your soul longs for reconnection? What feels the greatness of unfolding Mystery when you gaze upon a marigold, or look up at the stars? What in you might explode in a brilliant rush of heat and light?

Follow that…

We cannot know the outcome of our actions, but sometimes we must act anyway. We don't know the impact of this word, or that thought. We can choose carefully and aim with all our skill, but we still cannot know what winds may blow, affecting the trajectory of our intentions. Magic, no matter how clearly planned, includes elements of chance. That is the beautiful surprise of cocreation.

To work magic is to dare. Finding our Divine Work in the world is a chance to risk what feels known. We must learn to trust intuition, and listen to the longing in our souls. To find your soul's work, follow your heart's desire.

Ancient peoples of the North spoke of wyrd. Some translate this word as “fate,” but I prefer to name it “destiny.” Fate is most often seen as something completely out of our hands, but my view of reality is this: We weave the strands of destiny with the multiverse. We take what is, what has been, and what shall be, and weave in strands of longing, will, and intention. We take risks of our own making, rather than wandering helplessly along. In fully acknowledging that we are cocreators of this world, we take our lives into our own hands, weaving our will into the fabric of being. Ours are not the only threads that make the pattern of the world we live in, but they are just as necessary as all the rest.

Will you dare to take up the magic that is your life? Will you answer the call of the cosmos to your heart and soul?

THE CALL

Your life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire.

THOMAS MERTON

There you are, living your life, when suddenly, the call comes. Perhaps you were avoiding it, or perhaps you hoped it would show up someday. Once you hear the call, what do you do? Will you give in to resistance, or step bravely toward the fire burning at your core?

I call myself a magic worker, having studied spirituality, magic, and ritual arts for most of my life. Along with writing and teaching, I have also worked with many spiritual-direction clients one on one. Over many years' time, I've seen other magic workers—as well as ministers, activists, computer programmers, and single parents—struggle with manifestation and sometimes actively refuse to make magic for themselves. They feel too timid to do so, as though asking for what they want and taking action to get it were beneath the purview of their spirits or too selfish an undertaking. I watched this with astonishment and finally realized that these clients and students struggled with the calling of desire.

I get notes via email and social media from strangers all over the world asking things like this:

I hear “do the things you love and you will find the one” or something to that effect. It makes sense to me. The question that I cannot readily answer is how do you truly know or find the things that you really love? Sounds simple and for some people it is easy. For some if us, it is not.

No. It often isn't simple. Self-help gurus can tend toward the glib and forget how hard it can be. We can also get caught up in thinking that our purpose needs to be some earth-shattering thing. Most often, the soul's work is what feels most ordinary to each of us.

One factor that contributes to denying our powers of creativity and manifestation is that the purveyors of “The Secret” have told us to “think our way” toward riches, forgetting that we all create this world together—artists, teachers, creators of toxic waste, rivers, drivers of cars, tall trees, builders of nuclear power plants, manta rays, lovers, ravagers of rain forests, mountain gorillas, users of cell phones, doctors, dragonflies, and friends. We become afraid to manifest because we think it means to desire good things only for ourselves—setting money or big houses ahead of purpose, service, and connection, and blaming misfortune on the thoughts of those afflicted.

This realization caused me to take a step back in order to reexamine my own forays into magic. I had to look again at my processes. How had I worked to heal my soul from the curse of unworthiness or feelings of selfishness or actual self-centeredness? I remember having to stop doing magic and making prayers that were ineffective stabs at some perfect life to assess who I truly was, and to start making magic based around the tugging I had always felt in my heart and soul. To do this, I had to face knowing myself on even deeper levels than I had previously allowed. I had to drop the mask of knowing it all, of being competent, and admit that there was a lot I did not know—about myself, about relationships, money, and love, about conflict and deeper service, and about the world.

So many of us end up trapped in boxes of emotion and mind that are too small to live in well. I certainly did. We fear that to desire is to be self-centered or greedy in the midst of a world in need. We settle for being “kind of good enough” instead of thriving. When we engage in these behaviors, the soul's spark dims and we grow less able even to sense what our Divine Work is, let alone share it with the world.

We simultaneously long for and fear the fruits of desire. I have seen magic workers afraid to manifest, and warriors too beaten down and exhausted to fight for what they loved most deeply. My heart went out to these people. Trying to answer their questions led to a series of blog posts, an online class, and, finally, this book.

By listening to the work that was being put in front of me, I realized that it was time to get to the root of what impedes our magic and the soul's work. If Merton was right, and desire shapes our lives, it was time for me to take steps toward realizing, courting, and manifesting desire.

THE FOUR POWERS OF THE SPHINX

To attain the SANCTUM REGNUM, in other words, the knowledge and power of the Magi, there are four indispensable conditions—an intelligence illuminated by study, an intrepidity which nothing can check, a will which cannot be broken, and a prudence which nothing can corrupt and nothing intoxicate. TO KNOW, TO DARE, TO WILL, TO KEEP SILENCE—such are the four words of the Magus, inscribed upon the four symbolical forms of the sphinx.

ELIPHAS LÉVI²

We will explore our sense of purpose by following desire through the magical Four Powers of the Sphinx written of by Kabbalist and magician Eliphas Lévi: To Know, To Will, To Dare, and To Keep Silence. Controversial mage Aleister Crowley added a fifth power: To Go. For me, the fifth power is To Manifest—a quality that states that, over time, we can bring the Four Powers together into a whole, sparking the soul's purpose into a fully active state, enabling us to share our gifts with the world.

What Lévi calls the Holy Kingdom—the Sanctum Regnum— rests within the heart of our own souls. It is the place where we reign, complete unto ourselves. To claim sovereignty over our individual kingdoms is to step fully into our Divine Work, becoming cocreators of the unfolding cosmos. This is often called The Great Work; it is the deep soul purpose to which we can all aspire. This need not feel earth-shattering—although it may. It just has to belong to us. The steps toward it begin with desire kindling within us. Without worrying about what our purpose is right now, we can begin with desire in its quieter forms: the pull toward art, settling onto a meditation bench, the study of healing, the gaze of love, the wish to serve.

I encourage you to allow your soul to sink into that purpose; let your body open to that purpose. Give yourself that gift.

APPROACHING THE SPHINX

Lévi's Sphinx represents the coming together and rebalancing of disparate elements. Sphinxes appear in many cultures; they act as guardians, challengers, and dispellers of harm.³ How these elements are represented varies from culture to culture, although all sphinxes have human heads and animal bodies. The Sphinx Lévi writes about has the head of a man, the forepaws and shoulders of a lion, the wings of an eagle, and the flanks of a bull. The Sphinx Lévi writes about has the head of a man, the forepaws and shoulders of a lion, the wings of an eagle, and the flanks of a bull. The soaring height of the eagle provides the shift in mental perspective that transforms information into something more — To Know. The lion represents the ability to live in pride and claim the power of our intention—To Will. The human is the cup bearing Aquarius, who shows us that we hold the vessel said to represent the heart, our courage —To Dare. The bull is solid strength, and the ability to be still and to guard the Mystery—To Keep Silence.⁴

To approach the Sphinx is to acknowledge that we are ready for our lives to change.

At each stage in life, we get a chance to dig more deeply into our hearts and souls, to move closer to unlocking the Sphinx's riddle. We get to dare all over again. And while this isn't a book on magic per se, studying this book will help to increase the amount of magic in our lives until, over time, they become continuous acts of magic. In other words, we can make magic of our lives. We can solve the mystery of the Sphinx.

Embedded here are theories and meditations—soul support—to guide us into a fuller relationship with desire. We will find where we are on the journey and whether we are masters or neophytes at following desire. We will come to know that each stage of life includes a place to start fresh in our apprenticeship and requires a different one of the Four Powers—a calling up of bravery, a mustering of will, the gathering of implements, settling into the cadences of what each day brings. There is a large arc of life that holds smaller arcs within. That is why I often hear clients or students say: “But haven't I dealt with this already?” They have—at age sixteen or thirty-six or sixty.

The more we realize that the whole cosmos is in process, the better able we are to follow our own flow, to forgive our mistakes, celebrate our successes, and recommit to our purpose. Consistently successful people find ways to commit to themselves and their desire on a daily basis. Everything they do—work, rest, play, spiritual practice—supports their desire, whether they've named it or not. They realize that to live happy, healthy, sustainable lives, they need to follow through on their commitments to themselves. We can learn to do the same.

To help in this process, I have included action items at the end of each chapter that give instructions on how to do the work of the Four Powers as you move through them. Along the way, we will also be blessed with the thoughts and words of some people who successfully navigate the pathways of desire. This Wise Council of authors, entrepreneurs, social workers, activists, doctors, musicians, and teachers shares insights into how they stay the course. I recommend that you take this book one chapter at a time and give yourself at least one week to let the meditations sink in and to work through the action items that will support your deepening.

This book also contains stories from spiritual-direction clients, students, and friends. These are markers on the path, and illustrations of both challenges and possibilities. I also felt it necessary to disclose some of my own stories, to show how the material in this book has affected my life. All the theory here is rooted in practice, both mine and others'.

If all you do is read this book cover to cover, you may get some things out of it. More than likely, however, it will become just another experience that briefly inspires your thoughts or emotions, but then leaves you in search of the next book, the next workshop, or the next teacher. As one long-term student said: “There is no easy pass.” The only way through is to engage your body, mind, and heart. The only way through is to face the Sphinx, to seek out the deeper questions, and to do the work.

THE QUEST

My own quest to manifest my soul's desire has encompassed my life thus far. Sometimes I've felt as if I were following a thread; at other times, it was as if a strong rope pulled me forward. I have had to make difficult choices in order to keep listening to the longing of my soul.

The secret is that, when we follow this longing, we follow a deeper and broader truth. We cannot know how the cycles will play out. Marriages may form or dissolve. Jobs may come and go. Friendships may be tested and strengthened. Through it all, if we keep listening, choosing, and showing up with as much presence as we can muster, desire will unfold in strong and surprising ways.

I cannot know the effects my choices will have on the lives of others. Sometimes this feels wrenching; I've had to do a lot of soul-searching in order to continue. But this, too, is part of the process of desire—of coming to know the mystery of the Sphinx. We learn to listen more deeply, on every level. Hopefully, we learn greater trust of our hearts and souls.

My quest has always included Lévi's power To Dare. The consequences of daring can be difficult, but also fruitful. Take heart. Offer love to the world. Offer love to your soul. Offer love to your own life, unfurling like a tender vine soon to bear a new and fragrant flower.

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Soul Support

What does desire feel like in your body? Does it coil in your belly or cause your heart to thump or your sex to contract and then open? Are you poised for movement or ready to lie down and receive? What scent is carried on the wind when you think of desire? Is it magnolia blossoms, or simmering soup? Amber or wood smoke or freshly laundered sheets? The crackling of ozone or the scent after rain? What does desire taste like? Elderflower cordial or fresh blackberries, warm from the sun? Kale cooked in olive oil, or chocolate cake with whipped cream? What does desire sound like? Laughter, the deep voice that rises from your belly? The calling of ravens in high desert? Or the pounding of waves upon the shore? Find these. Follow these. Let your searching be informed by the power of desire.

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THE POWER OF DESIRE

Each one of us has a fire in our heart for something. It's our goal in life to find it and to keep it.

MARY LOU RETTON

When I tell people I'm writing about desire, their responses vary. Some assume I am only talking about sex. Others' eyes light up with interest. Still others become confused—doesn't desire cause suffering? Some grow wistful, as if desire felt very far away.

Desire harnesses life energy so that we can move forward into what my core tradition calls The Work of This God, which can be interpreted as our purpose or destiny.⁵ This is the idea that there is some work—some practice, joy, or way of being—that only we can manifest in this world. This may sound like a platitude, but it is a statement that I find to be deeply true. Without desire, we can languish in our lives, never dedicating ourselves to the practices that will point us toward our Divine Work.

I like to look at the parts of the self that want to reject the idea of a life purpose or the soul's work and ask “Why?” Is there anger present? Or cynicism or a sense of betrayal? Or a fear of things not working out? There often is. But we can invite our fears, anger, or cynicism to the table of desire. They add spice and savor—cinnamon and chili—to our dark chocolate.

If we each have our own soul work—if we are all special—what does that mean? It means that we each have work that is of utmost importance—and so does everybody else. This means that, while our expressions of life power may be different, there is a sameness to us as well. We share common ground and common experience. We are special and, in many ways, we are just like everyone else. This realization has helped to keep me in balance. It helps me avoid denigrating my own contribution, yet keeps me from elevating it above another's.

In Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club, Tyler Durden states: “You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile.” This is true. It is simultaneously true that everything in the compost pile starts out looking and tasting different, and that each thing brings a different nutrient to the process. We do not start off as compost; we start off as this flower, or that piece of fruit, or a tasty bread baked by an artisan. Yes, we end up as the same stuff; and yes, we even begin with similar components. But that does not take away the fact that, in our differences, there is beauty. He dances; she sings; he parents; she plants. All of this is necessary to the healthy functioning of the biosphere—or more largely, what I call the cosmosphere or the metaphoric garden of God Hirself.

In seeking our souls' desire, we have the opportunity to see our deepest selves. In manifesting our will in the world, we take our places as cocreators of the cosmos, as true denizens and full participants of this gorgeous earth.

DESIRE AS LOVE

Just as a water molecule in a raindrop is ultimately drawn to the ocean, one way or another, no matter how long it takes and how many incarnations it must go through, so too is awareness drawn to its source. Kabbalists say that love operates in the same way. Love is based on a yearning for completion: to be whole, to be in harmony, to be connected, and to be free.

RABBI DAVID A. COOPER⁶

Rabbi Cooper is talking here about the power of love. The ancient Pagan Greeks spoke to this quite clearly: the soul's longing to return to a state of pure connection is directed by eros.

We tend to think of the erotic as something that has to do only with sexual titillation. The erotic does deal with sex, but with sex in a far more expansive sense then our over-culture presents. Eros is the sexual impulse that moves the planets around the sun, draws the drop of water to the river, and—more important for the Greeks—draws the soul back to its source.

Desire is the heart's wish for deep fulfillment. The completion Rabbi Cooper writes of is the integration of ourselves as humans, doing our Divine Work in the world. To be complete is not to become static. To be complete is to have realized that our deeper purpose is to live in harmony with the field of life that is God Hirself. We are enacting our destiny as surely as the stars enact their own.

To me, this underscores the need to include as much of myself as possible when connecting to desire. If my mind resists—or if my sex shuts down, or my body refuses, or my emotions get stuck in fear—it is all the more difficult to feel that which calls me. We are being drawn inexorably toward our deepest selves, and our deepest selves are connected fully to the whole cosmos. God Hirself is within us.

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Soul Support

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THE TUG OF DESIRE

I bet God that if I lived, I would try to find out the vague directions whispered in my ears and find the road it seemed I must follow.

ZORA NEALE HURSTON

As we live our lives, something often tugs at us. We want something out of life, whether or not we are certain what that is. For many of us, the tugging begins in simple ways: a want, a need, or a strange feeling that something is missing. Others get the lightning bolt of realization. Regardless of how desire arrives, what we do next says a lot about our conditioning and personality, and our relationship with ourselves. Do we seek out this want? Do we try to figure out what may be missing? Do we bury the feeling with a sense of practicality or a conviction that somehow we do not deserve happiness, adventure, or anything out of the ordinary? Do we muffle the sound of the call, or unstop our ears and learn to listen with every fiber of our being?

The tugging we feel can manifest itself in adolescent rebellion, in the classic “midlife crisis,” or in myriad other ways. We can choose to listen more deeply to this longing and find forms of self-expression that are not just ways to break free at any cost, but ways to invest in our souls' unfolding and our hearts' desire. Do we really want to react against what life has given us, or do we want to take the time and put in some extra effort to choose, actively, what we really want? Reaction is not good enough. It won't really bring the happiness, fulfillment, or autonomy we seek. We can learn to claim, to act, to say “Yes!”

We are called to move from what feels ordinary into living the extraordinary. This will look and feel different for each of us, which makes this our journey and no one else's. There is no other person's life or experience to which we can compare our own. We are distinct stars in the firmament. To deny this is to deny desire, destiny, and our Divine Work. Does this mean that we live our lives in a vacuum, unaffected by everything around us? Certainly not. The beauty of the sky exists in the interplay of darkness with the varying points of light, and with the relationships the stars form with each other, knowingly or not. We can all be stars in constellation if we wish it. And, in any case, we all serve to form the fabric of the sky.

Do you hear the calling of your soul to adventure? This is the first step on your own heroic journey.

REDEFINING SUCCESS

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.

MAYA ANGELOU

There is plenty of success to go around, just not the sort of success we may have been taught to value. When we redefine success to be more in line with our desire, we begin to redefine our relationship to what I call the over-culture, to sustainability, and to the ideas of scarcity and abundance.

Love and creativity are renewable resources. Other resources are scarcer—fear and ignorance create systems of injustice and devastation that can make us feel alone, angry, bewildered, or like failures. An internal feeling of scarcity and panic constricts the flow of life and limits our relationship to the processes of the cosmos. Yes, there is external scarcity. Yes, some resources are finite. Yes, sometimes we feel so beaten down or overwhelmed that even access to creativity and love feels limited. I feel compassion for this. I also know that we have to find a way, somehow, to try.

If those of us who live in relative privilege act as if love and creativity are scarce, how much more is required of a person living in grinding poverty, or a war zone, or some other place where systems of fear and ignorance hold sway? Fear and ignorance are everywhere, but they do not have to define how we live or who we are. And they certainly do not have to define how we assign value.

I value the desire for love, beauty, engagement, and success. For me, success is the sense that I contribute to the world and, in turn, receive love and satisfaction. Some may fight against this, saying: “I work so hard, but I don't feel love!” Take a breath and consider for a moment the ways that a perception of love as a scarce resource may have closed you down. The more we expand, open, and loosen our grip on anger, fear, or resentment, the less control these feelings will have over love's flow. With the flow of love, the simplest things can make us feel as if we are rich. Sunlight on leaves. Clean water. Kindness.

Some of my friends struggle hard, with scarcity dogging their heels and a cacophony of messages shouting in their eyes and ears: “Just do it!” “There is nothing you can't do!” “Everything is possible if you just try hard enough!” “What are you waiting for?” “The time is now!” “Here are my five simple steps to success!” On and on. Partial truths. Halfway inspiration. Sometimes these are attempts to fight against the small voice that says: “But what if there really isn't enough to go around?” And that voice is partially true as well. There isn't enough gold or oil or food or clean water—at least not at the rates we are using them and not with our current relationship to the earth and each other. But we have the ability to change this—not to increase the resources themselves, but to shift our relationship to them in such a way that we can share better. So here we are, back to the need to redefine success and to return to our stores of creativity and love.

What would it be like if we did not all need to own cars or washing machines? What would it be like if we made music together again? What would it be like if we pooled our ideas and our time? What would it be like if we all slowed down? What would it be like if we used less, bought less, and instead paid a fair price in exchange for knowing that others were getting a fair wage for their labor? What would it be like if we collectively valued the teaching of children more than the stockpiling of gold? What would it be like if we remembered that success is not a static state, but a process that ebbs and flows, shaping the shore and always returning to the vastness of the ocean?

We would be able to follow our desire with curiosity and joy. We would know success.

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Soul Support

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THE TEMPLE OF DESIRE

We dance in the heat of our heart's desire…open the gate, the key is within, to the temple of the heart.

FROM MY SONG, “HEART'S DESIRE”⁷

When we are able to redefine success, we arrive at the threshold of the Temple of Desire. The more open we become to desire, the more we learn its ways and allow our relationship to it to open, the more it will infuse each moment. When we reach the place where our lives are suffused with the power of desire, when each choice we make is a confirmation of this relationship, our longing ceases. We no longer feel the yawning need that haunted our first forays into desire's hot touch. We feel well-fed, with desire our longtime companion on life's journey. We will still make mistakes, but overall we will feel whole in ways we may never have thought possible. We will have reached a place, not of apathy or detachment, but of the certainty that life is as it is, because that in itself is a gift. Our presence—our lives, our work, our love, our pain, our laughter —is the gift we receive in return. This great exchange builds the world, lights up the cosmos, and kindles a small flame inside every being we encounter. We will have arrived, yet there is no place to arrive at. We will be moving with the holy dance of life.

That may feel very far off for most of us. Some may feel bogged down with responsibilities or worries about family, work, school, or health. Some may simply feel confused. Others may have noticed the tugging of desire and may feel that they are on their way. Wherever you are in this journey, let worry go right now. Take a big breath and release it on a sigh.

Then find that within you that is willing to step forward. Approach the threshold of the Temple of Desire.

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Soul Support

Within each of us is a Temple of Desire. Follow its fragrance. Feel the tugging at your solar plexus, your heart, your sex, or your mind. Where is that center inside of you today? Where is your connection to desire? Find it in your body. Feel its resonance. Does it feel strong or barely present today? Pause. Breathe. Notice. Open the soles of your feet. Open the palms of your hands. Open the top of your head. Breathe into the silent still place in the center of your belly. Breathe from the soles of your feet to the crown of your head. Begin to dance.

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Action

1. Find your connection to divinity. Is this a connection to the flow of All, a connection with God Hirself? Is there a specific deity who is stepping forward to help you with this work? Listen. Build an altar. Make an offering to this deity, or to your own connection with the Limitless Divine, and know that this work you embark upon is also an offering to yourself and to the world.

2. Take on the task of examining and being with your breath. Notice when you hold your breath; notice when your breath quickens; notice how often you breathe deeply. Every morning, take five minutes to slow your breathing, to deepen your breath, to relax the tensions that impede the flow of breath. Allow yourself simply to sit and breathe, beginning your day in a place of relative quiet. Opening to breath will eventually open you to the flow of desire. Desire requires access to energy, and ends up feeding energy. Energy is fed by breath.

3. Practice the center and circumference work on pages 20–21 every morning. Get used to connecting to the stillness just above your pelvis as you inhale; and send an exhalation out to define the edges of your energy field, also known as your aura. Do this in the morning, and then as many times a day as you remember. All other practices can flow to and from this.

1. “Hir” is a genderless pronoun. “God Hirself” is a way of naming the unnameable flow of non-duality, sometimes experienced as the fabric of everything. I experience both connection and multiplicity, often calling myself a “non-dualist and polytheist.”

2. From Transcendental Magic (Kessinger Publishing, 1942). Later annotated editions are available.

3. Those qualities come from Egypt, Greece, and East Asia respectively.

4. The attributes of the beings that make up the sphinx shift depending on who is writing about it. Even the order of the Four Powers has changed over time, settling on To Know, To Will, To Dare, and To Keep Silence in contemporary practice. This corresponds with the elemental sequence of Air, Fire, Water, and Earth. For Lévi, the elemental sequence was Fire, Water, Air, and Earth. What matters is that we remain consistent within our own system and know that all systems are just routes to the Mystery that cannot properly be mapped or set into code.

5. This is known in some traditions as “True Will.”

6. From God Is a Verb: Kabbalah and the Practice of Mystical Judaism (Riverhead, 1998).

7. Available on Songs for the Strengthening Sun at http://thorncoyle.bandcamp.com.

MAKE
MAGIC
OF YOUR
LIFE

CONTENTS

CHAPTER 0

STARTING THE JOURNEY

MAKEMAGICOF YOURLIFE

CONTENTS

CHAPTER 0

STARTING THE JOURNEY

MAKE
MAGIC
OF YOUR
LIFE