reading

B. You’re a Christian, and you don’t think Christians should read books about sex.

C. You are a married woman who has never once been too busy, tired, irritated, hurt, uninterested, upset, or selfish to cheerfully make love to her husband.

• If you’re a married man and this book’s title has intrigued you, buy it for your wife. (You can sneak peeks when she’s not paying attention.)

• If you’re one who thinks sexual enjoyment is not for Christians, maybe you should read this book. You just might have a change of heart.

• Oh, yeah—and if you fit in category C…you’re a fibber. You’d better get the book.

Is That All He
Thinks About?

Marla Taviano

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION^®. NIV^®. Copyright©1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

IS THAT ALL HE THINKS ABOUT?
Copyright © 2007 by Marla Taviano
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

To Gabe,
my very best friend.
You’re all I could ever want—
in the bedroom and out.

And to our parents—
Ron and Chris, and Rock and Janelle.
Thirty-plus years of marriage
and the passion still burns!
You guys are our heroes!

A big hug and thank-you to all the brave and honest gals who filled out surveys or chatted with me personally. (Names have been changed and details disguised.) Your stories will undoubtedly touch many lives.

What’s In It for Me?

Maybe you’ve read a slew of books about sex. If so, you probably want a guarantee that if you decide to read this one, it won’t end up sounding exactly the same as the last five.

Will you learn something new every paragraph? Mmm…possibly. Will you laugh out loud at least two or three times a chapter? Umm…it depends. Will you have an “aha!” moment that inspires you to a bigger and better life? Hmm…hard to say.

By now you may be asking, So why should I read this book, for crying out loud?

Now, this is not an exhaustive how-to manual, by any stretch, but I think you’ll pick up a helpful tip or two throughout these pages.

This is a feel-good, sometimes-laugh-out-loud sort of book. More important, this book is based on a Christian worldview, not watered down or sugar-coated. I have also tried to strike a balance—straightforward but not sensational. My prayer from the outset was that I would be sensitive to God’s leading as I wrote.

I do have lofty ideals for this book. I’d love for you to finish the last page, take a deep sigh, and say, “This is the first day of the rest of my marriage.” I would love for you to forever see your husband, your marriage, our world and culture, with new eyes—and approach life with a new attitude.

Too bad life is not as simple as reading a book and—voilà—instant marriage makeover! But books can definitely impact lives, and I do believe the Spirit of God can speak directly to your heart through my puny, human words (and the words I’ve borrowed directly from Him).

Some parts might make you laugh, some will make you squirm, some will make you stop and think—and hopefully, some will make you stand up and take action. My hope is that, when all is said and done, you will walk away changed. And your marriage will be blessed.

Let’s Chat

Well, to be honest, God had made it clear to me that my sex life needed a boost. To write about sex, I knew I’d have to read about it and think about it—two things that have proven to increase my sexual desire. My husband would be the recipient of a sexual double whammy. (No complaints from him, I might add.)

A lot of times, sad to say, my writing detracts from my libido. After a long day, the kids are finally in bed, and I want to sit and write until I collapse onto my own bed in exhaustion. I just can’t work sex in (or so I say).

So, in an effort to please my husband and get my daily writing fix, why not combine work and pleasure and write a book about sex?

“Doesn’t your husband feel like you’re using him?” you want to know. Well, no, he doesn’t. In fact, he’d like me to use him a lot more often.

He actually can’t quit grinning about the whole idea. He has just one stipulation. “You can use me as a guinea pig for your ‘research,’” he says, “as long as the experiments continue when the book is done!”

He also likes the whole tax write-off idea. You know, since I’m writing a book about sex, I can legitimately spend tax-free dollars on research materials. (I’ll make a note to check the tax laws. I’d hate to try explaining to my accountant why “whipped cream” and “edible panties” showed up as business expenses in my tax records for this year.)

When my friends and family first heard the title of my previous book (From Blushing Bride to Wedded Wife), they often jumped to an incorrect conclusion—that my choice of subject matter must mean I viewed myself as an expert on the topic of marriage.

They soon realized that the recurring theme throughout my writing is this: “If I must boast I will boast of the things that show my weakness.”*

So, now that I’ve written a book about sex, am I a self-proclaimed sex expert with a to-die-for sex life? Or will I again be writing about my struggles and weaknesses in a particular area of my life?

As I write, I remind myself, “Cover this in prayer. Ask God to humble you. There’s really no guarantee anyone will even buy, let alone like, your book. It’s fine to share truth in a fun way, but without His help and blessing, lives will never be affected or changed.” And so I have committed to pray for this book from its inception to its publication and beyond. And many other women are praying as well.

And while I’m in prayer mode, I’m praying for my own sex life, too—for a better attitude, more desire, more energy, more unselfishness—because I’m realizing more each day that I need God’s help to make this work. Many days I find it much easier to sit down at my desk and write about sex than go upstairs and have it.

We’re in This Together, Sister

You and I are a lot alike. Though I can’t speak for you completely, if it were up to me, I’d put my own needs and desires first 100 percent of the time. I love the Lord, I love my husband…but I struggle with selfishness, a lack of sexual desire, and making sex a priority in my busy life.

God tells us in the Bible that sex is a requirement for married people—not an optional activity. But He never suggests it should be given begrudgingly, out of a sense of duty. In fact, He seems to think it is something incredible—a delightful act that can bring us loads of pleasure as long as we both shall live. Wow.

Most of you don’t have the luxury of writing about sex for a living. But you can read about it, and that’s part of the reason I wrote this book. Just reading it will help enhance your desire and breathe new life into your relationship with your husband. And if you take it a step further and act on what you’ve read—then wow!

We’re not talking about a walk in the park here—it’s more like a hike. You’re gonna sweat a bit. Your muscles are gonna ache a little. But the good news is, we’re going to journey together, supporting each other every step of the way. And when we get to the top, the view will be glorious!

A FRESH PERSPECTIVE

Chapter 1

The “Conditions for Sex” List

At one point last year, my husband and I were struggling in the bedroom. I was less than thrilled about making love. He wanted to know why I wasn’t in the mood.

Ahh…the very question I’d been waiting for. Just the encouragement I needed to pull The List out of my pocket, unfold it, and begin to read.

“It’s a proven fact that, for women, sex doesn’t start in the bedroom. I need to feel loved and cherished all day long. You can’t just go about your business, neglect my needs and desires, and then expect me to make passionate love to you. You want me to want you? Here’s what you need to do.”

I ignored the blank look in his eyes—he had already begun to tune me out—and kept going.

“First of all, you can get up bright and early (before the sun) and spend time with God in His Word and prayer. I’m sure you realize you haven’t exactly been a spiritual leader lately.

“Then you can wake me up with a nice little back scratch and help the girls with their breakfast while I linger in bed for an extra 20 minutes or so.

“Since you’re working from home now, I’d like to see you putting in a lot of hours—even overtime—so I can have a little extra cash to spend frivolously.

“If I need you to help me out with the kids during the day (and I will), I want you to do it willingly and happily. It’d be even better if you could anticipate my needs without me having to verbalize them. When the girls are fighting upstairs and I’m busy at my computer, that would be a good time for you to step in (hint, hint). I’m sure whatever you’re doing at the time can wait.

“Little love notes on the mirror, a bouquet of roses delivered to the door every now and again (once a week is plenty), sweet kisses—offers to do the dishes, vacuum the living room, make dinner—all of those would help get me in the mood. Did I leave anything out?

“Basically, Gabe, you need to understand that if you want sex, you’ve got to meet my emotional needs first. Any questions?”

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but we had different versions of this discussion about five or six times over the course of a few months. I’ll bet you’re curious about Gabe’s reaction.

Well, it varied. One time he felt defeated and hopeless. Once he got really angry. One time he just threw up his hands and threw in the towel. Once he accused me of being selfish.

“Me? Selfish?” I was appalled. “You’re the one who wants me to make mad love to you every other night of the week while you just sit there and contribute nothing to our emotional relationship during the day! And you think I’m selfish?”

Well, I never! Since Gabe obviously didn’t give two hoots about my womanly needs, I decided to take them to God in prayer. (Now that’s a concept.)

“God,” I said, “we have a problem. Correction. Gabe has a problem. He wants sex—lots of sex—with no strings attached. He wants what he wants, and he’s not willing to meet my needs first. And then, get this—he has the nerve to call me selfish!”

I asked God nicely to please bring about some positive (and much-needed) changes in my husband. And quickly.

Guess what He did instead. The unthinkable and illogical. Not only did He not take my side against Gabe, but He knocked me upside the head with conviction. He told me in that no-nonsense way of His that I was way off base when I expected Gabe to hold up his end of “the bargain” (as I defined it) before I would meet his sexual needs.

I slowly began to realize I was holding Gabe hostage to a million-and-one “if-then” statements. “If you do this, then I’ll do that.” This was conditional love at its worst. I was guilty of loving with a thousand strings attached.

Is That What You Really Want?

I once had a woman say to me, “I didn’t get married just to spend my days making some guy happy.” After talking with her for awhile, it became apparent that what she had in mind was more along the lines of marrying a guy whose goal was to spend his days making her happy.

So many women get married dreaming of nothing more than themselves and their own selfish desires. I was one of those women, thinking about all I could get, not what I could give.

We put so little emphasis on giving, in fact, that we sabotage our marriages. Whatever happened to “do nothing out of selfish ambition” or “look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others”—phrases we find in Philippians 2?

Regardless of how marvelous it might sound, we don’t really want a relationship that is all take and no give. A selfish relationship can never truly fulfill us. God has created us in such a way that we only find true, lasting joy when we give of ourselves to others.

And besides, where are you going to find a guy who would actually be willing to devote his entire life to satisfying your every whim? Even if you found the most godly, unselfish guy on the planet, he’s probably looking for a gal a little more like himself. A fellow giver, not a self-centered moocher like you or me.

Attitude Check

My friend Mary Ann jokes that her husband Dan’s all-time favorite Bible verse is 1 Corinthians 7:4—“The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.” It sure isn’t politically correct, I’ll give it that. But then again, PC isn’t exactly the apostle Paul’s middle name (or his initials).

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.

According to Paul, sex is more than something you do or don’t do as you feel like it. It’s an explicit command from our Creator.

You may wonder what credibility a single guy like Paul has when it comes to marital sex. Well, at least we know he wasn’t writing this stuff just to guilt-trip his wife into bed with him. And he’s as credible as they come, because Paul’s “book contracts” came straight from God Himself.

If God commands me to have sex with my husband and I don’t want to, does that mean I have a rebellious—a sinful—attitude? I’m not fond of that idea.

If I have low sexual desire, I’d rather just blame it on my personality or my femininity or something. “You know, that’s just the way God made me.”

Or better yet, I could blame it on my husband. “He certainly doesn’t help matters. If he’d actually make an effort at showing he cares about me, I might want to have sex more often.”

Okay, girls, I’m going to get right to the heart of the matter, cut straight to the gut of this book. I have a proposition. Are you sitting down?

Here it goes: I propose that you and I take a great big step and commit to no more blame-shifting. No more excuses. No more pointing fingers. It’s high time we took responsibility for something that has been entrusted to us by God. Making love to our husbands. Often. With a good attitude. Are you up to the challenge? And ready for some fun?

I am a woman just like you. I don’t need sex all that often. And because of that, I have a hard time understanding how my husband’s requests for sex stem from a deep physical and emotional need, not just a selfish desire.

According to God, whether we want to or not is not the issue. Sex isn’t optional. It’s not debatable. It’s not an elective. It’s a required course.

“The frequency of sex depends on the other person’s need, not ours alone,” Stormie Omartian says in The Power of a Praying Wife. “If your attitude about having sex comes down to only what you need or what you don’t want, then you don’t have God’s perspective.”

Oh, there are plenty of “good” reasons. I’m too busy. My children are a full-time job. I’m overwhelmed by life. My husband has hurt me emotionally. He has a terrible habit he just won’t give up. I’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’…

Lots of reasons why we don’t want to have sex, but the Bible says that spending time in prayer is the only valid reason for abstinence.* And I don’t know about you, but my extensive prayer life isn’t usually on my list of excuses.

You’re His Only Hope

“Why should I have to have sex when I don’t feel like it?” asks my friend Claire. “If I’m not in the mood, I think it’s selfish of him to ask.”

The problem for Claire’s husband is that Claire is never in the mood. And Claire is not abnormal, as I’m sure many of you would attest to. “I think I need to take some kind of pill or something,” she told me, “because I just don’t care if I ever have sex.”

But it’s not all about “What can I do to want sex more?” That’s only part of it. The bigger issue is this—feelings or no, do it with a good attitude. God will let the desire follow. Maybe not right away, but it will come.

God says, “Obey me when you don’t feel like it—when you can’t see the final outcome—and I’ll make it worth your while.”

“So, what do you love?” I asked her. “And be honest. You don’t have to tell me you love reading your Bible and being a mom.”

“Scrapbooking, shopping, and eating at nice restaurants,” she said without hesitation.

“What if you could only do those things if Jeff were willing to do them with you?” I asked her.

A Question of Neglect

Stormie Omartian shares some great wisdom. She explains that sex is pure need for men, and when this crucial part of him is neglected, it’s hard for him to even see what you need.

“Wives sometimes have it backward,” Stormie says. “We can have sex after we get these other issues settled. But actually there is a far greater chance of settling the other issues if sex comes first…Whether all conditions are perfect or whether you feel like it or not isn’t the point.”

I know I’ve had it backward many a time. I thought Gabe was selfish for not meeting my needs first. Yet how is that any different from me not meeting his first?

Radio talk-show host Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes the selfish idea a bit further. She boldly asserts (and I agree) that refusing sex with your husband is the “moral equivalent of infidelity.” A shocking statement maybe, but it makes sense.

“Intentionally depriving a spouse of his legitimate needs,” she says, “stems from being unfaithful to the intent of the vows.”

No, you probably didn’t say, “I promise to have sex with you at least three times a week as long as we both shall live” in front of the church on your wedding day. But you did vow to love, honor, and cherish your husband—and sex is a huge part of that.

“Okay,” she said, playing along. “I’d never get to scrapbook, I’d hardly ever shop, and we’d eat out once or twice a month. But we’d never go to my favorite two restaurants, because he insists he doesn’t like them.”

“So, let me ask you this—since your husband doesn’t enjoy scrapbooking, shopping, or eating out at nice restaurants on a frequent basis, do you go without these things?”

“Hmm…okay. Let me get this straight. You like scrapbooking, but not sex. He likes sex, but not scrapbooking. Correct?”

“When you refuse to have sex with him, who does he call to satisfy that craving?”

“Right, but sex is not your deepest need. So, while you’re getting your deepest needs and desires met, your husband is going without. It’s perfectly acceptable for other people to meet these needs for you, but you are the only person on the face of this earth he is allowed to go to for sex.”

“Oh, boy—if I had a ‘wrong answer’ buzzer, you’d so be getting buzzed right now, girl. But I don’t. So let’s not even discuss whether sex is a real need for a man or not. Let’s talk about scrapbooking. Need or want?”

“Okay, so it’s not a need, but I think the real solution here is for my husband to find a hobby he can do without me. Maybe that would take his mind off sex.”

“Is that how you visualize your ideal marriage—you going off and doing your thing, him going off and doing his? Two separate people going in two separate directions? Why even bother getting married? We can’t use our differences as an excuse to avoid doing something our husbands want to do. And besides, sex is not just a hobby for your husband. Taking his mind off it isn’t the answer.”

Our conversation continued…round and round, going absolutely nowhere. My powers of persuasion seemed to have no effect. So I did the wise thing. I stopped talking and asked God to help her see the light. (The verdict is still out.)

Your husband agreed to marry you with his sex drive intact, fully aware he would be entirely dependent on you to meet all his sexual needs. If, for some reason, you were unable or unwilling to meet those needs, he understood they would go unmet. Saying “I do” to you included placing his sexual needs and identity out on the table—naked and vulnerable—for you to do with as you please.

According to God, I am the only one allowed to meet my husband’s sexual desires. An awesome responsibility, yes, but what a privilege.

Making Time for Making Love

I’m a list-maker, a go-getter, a type A, a Martha, a busybody. Call me what you will. So much to do, so little time.

Sure, sex is on my to-do list. Somewhere, I think. It’s just not close enough to the top to make it into my day most of the time.

If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ll admit we can always make time for the things we really want to do. It’s all about choices. What do I choose to do with the 24 hours I’m given each day?

Picture this: On my desk I have two piles. One is a stack of bills to pay and papers to file. The other “pile” has just one item in it—the latest Christian chick-lit novel by my favorite author.

I have one hour available. If I pick up the book and say, “I just don’t have time to pay the bills today,” am I being truthful?

And when I say, “I’d love to have sex more often, but I’m just too busy,” am I being truthful? Making time for sex doesn’t depend so much on my schedule and circumstances as it does on my attitude.

Now, of course you don’t have the time (especially if you have kids), and you probably won’t find the time to do it either. You have to make time for sex.

What things are robbing you of time that could be spent with your husband? Television? Novels and magazines? Your cell phone? The computer? Your writing career? (Ahem.) When these choices interfere with intimacy with our spouse, we’re being selfish and foolish, plain and simple.

I have come to realize something amazing. So amazing, in fact, that there’s not a chance you’ll believe me until you try it. Sex takes time, yes, but when I’m having it regularly, I actually get more done. Life runs more smoothly. I have a calming sense of peace and happiness. Honestly and truly—I am not making this up.

It’s like the object lesson with the Mason jar, the golf balls and the gravel. If I put the gravel in first, the golf balls won’t fit. But if I put the golf balls in the jar first, then the gravel fits nicely all around it. Same with sex. When I make time to make love like God commands me to do, He’ll take care of all the other stuff. He really will. I just have to trust Him enough to put everything aside and have sex.

The bottom line is, we can always make time for the things (and people) that are most important to us. Make it your goal to show your husband you love him by giving him nice-sized chunks of your valuable time.

Coming into Your Own—God’s Way

We’re starting to understand what we need to do. But it’s much easier said than done. Changing our attitudes is not a simple, clear-cut process. In fact, it can get downright messy.

But God promises that when we seek Him first, everything else will be given to us as well. When we pray, “Change my heart—don’t worry about him,” everything else will fall into place.

Instead of asking, “What will bring me happiness and fulfillment?” ask, “How can I satisfy and complete my husband?”

Instead of looking at sex through the lens of our own perceptions, let’s try to look at sex through our husbands’ eyes.

And even beyond that, we need to look at sex from God’s perspective. Instead of demanding our own way, saying, “I deserve to be loved the way I want to be loved,” realize that sex is a gift. One that we sinful humans don’t deserve to receive from a holy God.

At this point we could ask, “Who’s going to look out for me if I don’t? I don’t want to lose my identity by constantly serving someone else. I am my own person, after all.”

Well, Paul seems to think that we can’t truly come into our own until we die to ourselves and find our identity somewhere else—namely in Christ. Galatians 2 makes this crystal-clear.

It’s inexplicable, but who we are becomes even more individual, real, and beautiful when we deny our own desires and serve others. The world has it backward—putting someone else’s needs before your own means you’re strong, not weak.

We can’t do this on our own, however. As Paul says in Romans 7, “I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” You’ll hear me chanting this refrain throughout the pages of this book. We desperately need God’s help.

Surrender to Him and let His Spirit work in your heart. Ask Him to give you the strength, energy, determination, and desire to begin meeting your husband’s physical needs more often and more willingly.

Sometimes our feelings will get hurt, and our sex drive will shut down. We won’t want sex until everything is right. When things aren’t perfect, though, we desperately need God yet again. He promises He’ll be there to help us.

If you’re anything like me, there have been plenty of times when you prayed halfheartedly for something, not believing that God would actually come through for you or even bother listening to your prayer.

We’re told in James chapter 1 that we will face trials. But if we ask in faith—if we believe and not doubt—God will give us wisdom generously. (I’m sure the trials James speaks of include those of marriage.) But when we ask for something and don’t really believe God can accomplish it, we’re like “a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”

Praying for a renewed sexual relationship with your husband will always be in line with God’s wisdom and His perfect will for your life. And when you pray in complete faith, He promises to answer, as Jesus indicates in Matthew 21.

Ask your God for a complete sexual relationship makeover. He will give you sexual desire even when it seems like an impossible request. But you have to ask. And believe with all your heart—even if you can’t see or understand how it will all play out—that the results will be amazing.

Chapter 2

Male and Female He Created Them

The facts are the facts: Men and women are different. Our Creator designed us that way.

The problem lies in our negative perception of that fact. The idea that different equals bad. The belief that if my husband were more like me, life would be better.

We’ve got to realize, though, that God made men and women different, separate, distinct before the fall, so it must have been a part of Plan A—His original, holy, sin-free, perfect Plan.

Contrary to what seems to underlie a lot of popular opinion, God did not make Adam and Eve the same, only to have Adam take a bite of the apple and instantly become less like Eve and more like the “typical male” today. Sure, I’ve thought it, too—“In a perfect world, my husband would be more like me—sensitive, romantic, thoughtful, in tune with his emotions (and mine, too).”

Not so. Yes, there was plenty of fallout from the Fall. And no, we don’t know a whole lot about Adam before he took The Bite. But we have no evidence to support our notion that men were a lot more like women before all that happened.

Did men and women get along better? Sure! After all, it’s not like they had money troubles or sexual dysfunction—or in-laws, for crying out loud! But were men and women inherently more alike than they are now? I don’t think so. Therefore, our differences are not the issue. How we deal with them is.

God didn’t create us with a humongous libido gap, knowing full well we’d go crazy trying to bridge it. I do believe there’s a gap, but a big chunk of it is society-driven:

• Men are bombarded with sexual images day in and day out, which serves to fuel (at a furious pace) the sex drive they’ve already got.

• Women are bombarded with negative messages about men, which takes their emotionally driven sex drive down a notch or two (or six).

“Instead of reflecting true, God-instituted variances,” Dr. Tim Alan Gardner says in Sacred Sex, “much of the Mars and Venus drivel is simply an excuse to justify certain selfish behaviors. God calls us to serve one another, not to rationalize or whine.”

God’s original design included distinct differences between men and women, but it did not include all the controversy, contempt, and cat-fighting we have today. All that junk is a direct product of the Fall.

How Are We Different?

We know the basic external physical differences between men and women. You’ve got the facial/chest hair thing, the private parts thing, and the body build thing, and that’s about it, give or take a few other minor details.

No one is arguing over the differences in physical makeup, but only recently have scientists and psychologists started admitting what Christians have known all along—men and women are different on the inside as well. We’re not just different because we’ve been raised differently. We were born different.

Give a little girl a small plank of wood, and chances are she’ll cradle it like a baby or use it as a prop in a romantic drama. Give a little boy the same plank, and it becomes a rifle or a grenade. Or a baseball bat or bludgeon.

Men and women were also created with different hormones present in different levels. I read recently about a strange phenomenon—a testosterone bath of sorts that a male child experiences while still in the womb. It serves to give him more masculine traits and also severs some of the nerve endings that connect the brain’s right and left hemispheres. No, it doesn’t kill his brain cells. (I know what you’re thinking.) It just separates his thoughts into different parts.

What this essentially means is that women are better able to juggle many things at once, while men tend to be better at focusing on a single thing. Unfortunately for us, this also means we’re more easily distracted—during sex in particular. (More on this in chapter 7.)

Women are like those impossibly complicated controlboards in a sound booth, with a million possible combinations of off/on/anywhere-in-between. Men are more like a light switch. Flip it on, and that’s it.

The difference in hormone levels also influences our sex drives significantly. A guy’s testosterone levels are pretty much constant, while a woman’s hormones vary greatly with her menstrual cycle. Some days I feel like writing a poem for my husband—“My Love Is Like an Ocean.” How’s this for an opener?

What other differences are there? Well, there’s the whole concept of sexual pressure building up in a man’s body, with a definite need to release it. I don’t think it’s quite a matter of a man needing sex at least once a week or he’ll die. But their bodies are way different than ours, and if a man’s body says he needs to release this pent-up tension, he’ll have a hard time keeping a lid on it. It’s not that women can’t crave sex, but we’re lacking that built-in pressure cooker. Our desire can diminish without sexual release.

Why did God make us differently? For lots of reasons—some I understand, some I don’t. For one, so we’ll be attracted to and fascinated by each other. There’s something mysterious—and fabulous—about the bond that is created between two people who are so different, yet become one.

We’re different so we’ll complement each other, balance each other, be strong where the other is weak. We’re different so we’ll have to work at developing an intimate relationship.

In fact, both men and women inherited their best traits from their Maker Himself. Men are strong and courageous. Women—tender and sensitive. How amazing that we can be so different yet both reflect the character of God.

Playing on the Same Turf

Men and women are also different when it comes to communication. And we women often expect our husbands to be the ones who bridge this aspect of the gender gap. After all, isn’t it his job to open up, share his emotions, and get in touch with his “feminine side”? When it comes to talking, women are the superior gender, right?

I have an idea, girls. I’m thinking of something crazy—off the wall. What if, just for once, we decided to be the ones to move to the middle—and beyond? What if we took the time to learn how our husbands best give and receive information and work with that?

On average, women talk way more than men. Men typically use words out of necessity. We talk just for fun. What if we (gasp!) cut down on the amount of words we use when speaking to our husbands?

It’s actually biblical to talk less than most of us do. “When words are many,” one of the proverbs says, “sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”*

WARNING:

Is That All He
Thinks About?

Marla Taviano

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

CONTENTS

What’s In It for Me?

Let’s Chat

We’re in This Together, Sister

A FRESH PERSPECTIVE

Chapter 1

The “Conditions for Sex” List

Is That What You Really Want?

Attitude Check

You’re His Only Hope

Making Time for Making Love

Coming into Your Own—God’s Way

Chapter 2

Male and Female He Created Them

How Are We Different?

Playing on the Same Turf

WARNING:

Is That All HeThinks About?

Marla Taviano

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

CONTENTS

What’s In It for Me?

Let’s Chat

We’re in This Together, Sister

A FRESH PERSPECTIVE

Chapter 1

The “Conditions for Sex” List

Is That What You Really Want?

Attitude Check

You’re His Only Hope

Making Time for Making Love

Coming into Your Own—God’s Way

Chapter 2

Male and Female He Created Them

How Are We Different?

Playing on the Same Turf

Is That All He
Thinks About?