“Rob Eagar views relationships through the lens of God’s unconditional love and acceptance, bringing hope and the incredible possibility of lasting joy. Dating with Pure Passion is a great resource for anyone seeking God’s design in lasting relationships.”

“Rob Eagar helps singles no longer feel like second-class citizens. Dating with Pure Passion points out how true fulfillment and great relationships are found by discovering pure passion for God and others.”

“Dating with Pure Passion communicates a message that singles of all ages desperately need to hear.”

“Rob Eagar offers a rare blessing indeed: a male perspective on romance. Dating with Pure Passion is armed with insights, honesty, and truth to help singles forge healthy relationships with each other, with themselves, and with God.”

“With balance, depth, and deep honesty, Rob Eagar explores the heart of romance for singles and aspiring couples who are wondering if their relationship is truly one for keeps. Dating with Pure Passion is a must-read for anyone trying to navigate today’s dating scene with integrity.”

“Rob Eagar writes as if he is inside the heart and head of the reader. Dating with Pure Passion is a must for singles who hunger to experience life to the fullest. It skillfully depicts what passionate living looks like and shows how to get there. I heartily recommend it.”

“Rob Eagar has an extraordinary ability to connect with single adults at the deepest level. He lovingly points singles to Christ as their source of wholeness and preparation for successful relationships.”

“Dating with Pure Passion is a must-read for all Christian singles that will be referenced and recommended for a lifetime. It is one of the precious few books that present hands-on teaching about our identity in Christ—the power to live out what the author proclaims. Rob has done this well.”

“After many years of counseling Christian couples who relate out of emotional baggage and misconceptions, I’m thankful to see a book that helps single men and women understand that fulfillment and completeness can only be found in Christ.”

“Too many Christian dating resources just resemble popular self-help therapies. Dating with Pure Passion gets it right by teaching singles about their completeness in Jesus Christ. Rob Eagar shows singles how the love of God can transform all facets of their lives, especially the way they date.”

“Dating with Pure Passion is more than just another how-to book on dating. Instead, Rob Eagar teaches truths of being a new creature in Christ and illustrates how these principles can manifest themselves appropriately in a Christian dating relationship.”

“Dating with Pure Passion is an outstanding tool for singles! Rob Eagar will help you set healthy emotional and physical boundaries, attract the opposite sex, date for the right reasons, and enjoy completeness in Christ. I’d recommend it to any of my single friends!”

ROB EAGER

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible^®, © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Verses marked NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION^®. NIV^®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

To my wife, Ashley,
whose unyielding reliance upon Jesus Christ
and commitment to our relationship
has made marriage more passionate
than I ever dreamed.

Acknowledgments

No author can write a book without the assistance of others, and I want to thank those who helped make this project a reality:

To Barry Grecu and Richard Harris, who first encouraged me to follow the desires that Christ placed within my heart.

To my parents, Bob and Betsy Eagar, my sister, Melanie, and my in-laws, Joel and Judie Padgett, for supporting me when I quit my job to follow my dream.

To all of the focus group participants who contributed stories and insight to this book, including the Atwood and McMichael families, Nancy, Jan, Jim, Andrea B., Deane, Erika, Dave, Mona, Lisa, Dave, Charles, Dawn, Kevin, and Malissa.

To Lori Burton, Gray Absher, Anne Trippe, Bob Christopher, Greg Smith, Steve McVey, and Tom Grady for their patience to read and comment on my rough manuscripts.

To everyone at Harvest House for supporting me and helping me spread my message of Christ’s passion to the world.

To my wife—Ashley, you are the most beautiful and wonderful woman in the world. I will forever be thankful for your encouragement, advice, editing, and tireless sacrifice. You endured so much for the sake of “the book.” Most of all, you believed in me when I almost gave up. Thank you for being my best friend. I am so madly in love with you.

To my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who created me, rescued me, and loves me more than life itself. May my life and this book be a reflection of Your glorious, passionate love!

9. GUARDING YOUR PASSION
Protecting Your Heart from a Premature Commitment

10. THE SABOTAGE OF PASSION
Recognizing the Baggage That Destroys Relationships

THE POWER OF
PURE PASSION

Discovering the Longing of Your Heart

I don’t ever want to see you again.” Her words stung as I listened on the phone in disbelief. Around the room, pictures of her stared back at me. In one image, she smiled, wearing her favorite dress. Another photo captured her laughing on our first date. And nearby, a large portrait framed her as she beamed in her wedding gown.

“I love you. Please don’t go,” I begged. Instead, the phone went dead, and so did our marriage.

I huddled on the sofa in our new apartment. Only seven months earlier, we had joyfully joined as husband and wife. What happened? I thought she loved me. How could she discard our relationship so casually? Surely, she will come back, I thought.

A week later, my best friend visited to buoy me in my loneliness. “Why would she leave me?” I asked him. “I am devoted to her.”

Wanting him to be right, I walked into our bedroom, where her clothes and the scent of her perfume remained. I fumbled through her jewelry tin and prayed that I wouldn’t see a small, sparkling stone.…

But there it lay, the precious symbol of my commitment. It was true—my wife no longer loved me. I crumpled to the floor in shock as my friend rushed to catch me. In agony, my heart faltered, and my lungs fought for air. My whole body seemed to shut down as I sobbed uncontrollably. I would have died in tears had my friend not been with me that evening. Like a brother, he supported me and kept me from losing my mind.

My dream of lifelong intimacy crumbled before my eyes. “Is this it?” I cried. “Is this all you get after falling in love—a broken heart and your name added to the divorce statistics?” Emotions of despair, anger, and humiliation hit me all at once.

My life became a living hell when the woman I deeply loved deserted me. In the ensuing months, food lost its taste, and my body shed 18 pounds. At night I cried myself to sleep. In the morning my only solace was to stand in the shower until all of the hot water ran out. At work I was reduced to mindlessly staring at the wall. Nothing could relieve the immense ache within me.

The Longing for Love

Each of us is created with a heart that desperately needs love, and this need does not disappear as we get older. The longing only intensifies. Shields of innocence and hope preserve our hearts through much of the pain during childhood. But when we enter romantic relationships as adults, our exposure to the cruel realities of this world becomes unavoidable. Interacting with fellow singles, we discover that the love we crave can be elusive. Someone dumps us, another person disappoints us, or the opposite sex ignores us. Soon, we realize that love from other people cannot be guaranteed.

Thus, we carry a yearning inside for someone to approve of us, to cherish us, and celebrate that we exist. Even with success in our careers, hobbies, or church activities, we conclude that life is pointless without love. Deep down, we know fulfillment doesn’t come from worldly accomplishments. Our hearts want something more—they want to flourish in the joy of an intimate relationship.

This desire is apparent as we each seek our “happily ever after.” We dream of the perfect soul mate. We read romantic novels and cry when two lovers tenderly unite. We cheer in movies when the hero rescues his beauty. It is undeniable. We roam this planet in search of passionate love. And for most single adults, dating is considered the means to achieve this earnest goal.

The Great Dating Crusade

After seven months, the grief from my wife’s abandonment began to subside. Healing occurred through my endless prayers and the reassurance of concerned friends and family. I will never forget how they rallied around me in my dark hours. They planned dinners, trips, and parties, all designed to distract me. They called me day and night to reaffirm their care for me. Through their warmth and attention, my heart began to recover, and a new optimism for romance developed.

At the age of 29, I wanted to prove to myself that I could secure a love that wouldn’t leave me. I reasoned that my first marriage had failed simply because I had dated the wrong woman. If I made a better choice in the future, such as dating a more devout Christian, then surely I would experience a fulfilling relationship.

So with a heart hungry for love, I embarked on a Great Dating Crusade. For two years I scoured the metropolis of Atlanta, Georgia, in search of Miss Right. I visited every church group, singles Bible study, and dance social that I could locate. In addition, my buddies and I wandered the trendy singles bars, hoping to encounter a wise, Christian woman tucked away in some smoky corner.

Over time, my romantic campaign generated some results. I attracted the attention of a young woman at church who fascinated me with her beauty and godly reputation. My heart savored every moment with her as we shared extravagant dinners at the finest restaurants I could afford. Feeling high from rediscovering romance, I was convinced that our future had potential—until she chose to leave the country as a missionary. Her decision disappointed me, but I remained steadfast on my mission of love.

Several months later, my heart found relief in a pretty woman who initiated an interest in me. She flirted, planned fun activities, and quietly leaned on my arm as we walked around town. The sweet taste of her affection sent my self-esteem soaring and electrified my confidence. Victory in love seemed evident—until she stated her wish to see other guys. I chalked it up as another relationship that started off hot but abruptly crashed in frustration.

Determined to satisfy my longing for love, I pressed ahead into a third dating endeavor. This time, I was sure that my heart would be fulfilled. A vivacious woman had fallen for me, and I utterly adored her. At times, the chemistry between us exhilarated me. Within months, everyone considered us to be the perfect couple, and we started to meet each other’s parents.

However, in the midst of our excitement, dissimilar ideas about God and issues about her family suddenly drove us apart. I ended our relationship but felt angry that another fruitless romance had resulted. What does it take to find love in this world? I silently brooded. I couldn’t understand why intimacy seemed so evasive. No matter whom I met, love never lasted.

Practice for Divorce

I have a close friend who jokes that dating in our current society is practice for divorce. In many ways, he’s right. The state of romance among Christians is disheartening. Examine marriage within the church, and you’ll find that the divorce rate is as high as the world’s. Observe how Christians date, and you’ll find that virginity is out of style because so many women give their bodies to sex-hungry guys.

Yet the Bible says that faith in Jesus Christ is supposed to lead to a fulfilling life. If so, where is this life? Why is the hope of a satisfying romance or a lasting marriage so fleeting?

Consider your dating life. How many times have you thought, Surely I have found my soul mate, only to watch the relationship disintegrate and your heart remain empty? Is it difficult to meet other Christians worth dating? Do you wonder if you will ever find real love?

Wherever I go, I meet jaded, heartbroken, and defeated individuals. A bitter breakup, a one-night stand, or an unwise decision scarred their hearts. With disappointed or hardened attitudes, they seem resigned that a good relationship is beyond their reach.

I meet other singles whose hearts are exhausted under the weight of dating do’s and don’ts. They are taught to strap on legalistic principles and live by them. Yet this burden to obey rules restricts their ability to be themselves or develop intimacy with another person.

Shouldn’t Christians be the ones who understand real love? If so, then why are mature dating relationships so scarce within the church? Why do half of the Christian singles who get married wind up divorced? Why are so many single men and women giving up their pursuit of true love?

Gorging on Chocolate Love

Have you ever gone a long time without eating and felt your stomach groan with hunger? In those situations, what was your body telling you? Obviously, it was crying out for some nutritious food. Yet, how often have you consumed chocolate out of desperation or convenience just to get rid of those hunger pangs? I’ve done it several times. What happens?

Initially, feeding your empty stomach with chocolate feels great. The ache goes away, your hunger disappears, and all of the sugar and caffeine hitting your system gives you the sensation of feeling “high.” Buzzing with bliss, you wonder why you don’t eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

About 30 minutes later, however, everything changes. A sharper pain than the one before grips your stomach, and your head becomes dizzy. All of your pleasant feelings degenerate into discomfort worse than your original hunger.

What caused this pain to result? Was there something wrong with the chocolate? No. Chocolate is safe to eat, but it doesn’t contain the nutrients necessary for your body to survive. Therefore, when you are hungry, chocolate alone cannot help you. Instead, it makes you feel worse. For your body to thrive, it must receive a steady diet of nutritious food. Then you can enjoy chocolate as a fun dessert. However, you will get sick if you try to live solely on chocolate.

Unfortunately, eating chocolate on an empty stomach illustrates how a lot of singles build dating relationships. They approach one another with hungry hearts, hoping that the other person will feed them. This condition can be especially acute when a man or woman feels lonely, rejected, or starved for acceptance. Without love, people become desperate for something to fill the void inside their hearts. A romance, with its potentially sweet taste and emotional highs, seems the likely solution to their hunger.

Consider my Great Dating Crusade. I was hungry for love and searched repeatedly to find a woman to fulfill me. Every new romance that I entered felt like a chocolate sugar high with soaring emotions, exhilarating self-esteem boosts, and a sweet sense of security. In the headiness of romantic rapture, my heart thought that a woman could fulfill me forever. Nevertheless, the euphoria inevitably collapsed. Sometimes it took weeks. Other times, it took months. My wife’s happiness vanished after a year of dating and seven months of marriage.

Regardless of how wonderful a new dating relationship feels, the romantic bliss will eventually wear off. Human affection may taste good, but like chocolate, it cannot give our hearts what they need for survival. The true hunger of our hearts is to be accepted unconditionally. We need more than just attention, friendship, or sex. We long for someone to love us despite our faults, mistakes, and imperfections. Our hearts remain hollow when no one completely accepts us.

Humans, however, cannot give each other unconditional love. We get upset or impatient when someone fails to make us happy. Furthermore, we base our love for someone on how well they perform. The root of this problem is sin, which causes constant mistakes, conflicts, and disappointments. No one is accepting, patient, and forgiving all of the time. Therefore, human love is like chocolate because the pleasure doesn’t last. None of us have the ability to accept people unconditionally. The affection we give to each other may taste good initially, but the thrill disappears as our selfish motives demand performance. And this problem lasts from the cradle to the grave.

For instance, when you were younger, how often were you scorned for having acne, wearing braces, fumbling the football, or failing to meet your parents’ expectations? As a single adult, how much pressure do you feel to wear the right clothes, appear rich and successful, or socialize with the popular crowd? Looking ahead, how frequently do you see elderly people neglected because they think too slowly, can no longer drive, or pose a financial burden to their families?

I don’t mean to sound fatalistic, but we must acknowledge the reality that human love is performance-based. It always has been and always will be. You can date anyone in this world, but that person cannot give your heart the unconditional acceptance that it craves.

This truth also applies in marriage. Someone once asked a pastor, “What is your wife’s opinion of you?”

He replied, “It depends on what day you ask her. Some days she loves me. Other days, I drive her crazy, and she wonders why she married me. My wife and I wish we could love each other perfectly, but it is impossible since we both sin and make choices that hurt each other. God is the only Person who loves us regardless of how we act.”

As Christians, many of us believe that romantic passion will fulfill us. We pray for God to send us a soul mate, and then we date one person after another, trying to get him or her to love us. Our relationships start off well, but then rejection or disappointments tear them apart. Meanwhile, those singles who get married report that marriage isn’t what they thought it would be.

Consider those around you. How many of your married friends warn you that marriage is tougher than you think? Yet, how many of your single friends complain of feeling incomplete without a spouse?

All too often, we neglect what our hearts really need and attempt to satisfy ourselves with a cheap substitute called romance. In essence, we try to live on the relational equivalent of chocolate. But our hearts cannot survive under the demands of performance-based love. We inevitably burn out, wear out, or drop out from trying to please others.

In my case, I had to reach total exasperation before I grasped that dating and marriage would never fulfill me. I appeared successful to many people because I’d had several girlfriends and reached my goal of marriage. Those romances, however, never fulfilled me. Either I required too much of a woman or she expected too much of me. We were sincere in our desire for lasting love, but we couldn’t make it happen.

Some within the church advise that our hearts would be fulfilled if we simply changed our dating methods. They advocate going back to courtship, going online, reinstituting arranged marriages, or embracing a new set of dating guidelines. Yet they overlook the truth that no matter what style of dating you adopt, you still wind up dating a person whose love for you is tied to your performance.

Therefore, this book is not about subscribing to a new set of dating principles or techniques. It is an offer to pursue what your heart truly wants. A perfect love waits to delight you. This love, however, cannot soothe the ache within your heart until you stop chasing after romantic passion or passionate sex. Those shallow quests lead to emptiness. The hunger in your heart is for pure passion.

Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. No one who comes to me will ever be hungry again” (John 6:35 NLT).

What Is Pure Passion?

How can you know for sure that another person loves you? Can you be certain based on what he or she says? No, “I love you” doesn’t mean much these days. Countless couples say it while dating, but then they break up. What about a person who makes a formal commitment? Can you rest assured that their love will last? Sadly, promises of love rarely endure. If they did, divorce wouldn’t be so common.

According to the Bible, you know that someone loves you when that person chooses to die for you. First John 3:16 (NIV) says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us.” When Jesus innocently died on the cross, He left no doubt that He was deeply in love with you.

This truth was great news for my hungry heart. I realized that Christ’s death was a declaration of proof that He loved me. But I continued to wonder, If Jesus is holy, and I still sin, then how could He love me despite my mistakes? Isn’t His love performance-based just like everyone else’s?

But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior (Titus 3:4-6).

Jesus Christ is the only Person who loves us regardless of how we act. His acceptance is unconditional. Therefore, regardless of what we do, His love never changes. Nothing you or I do can make Him love us any more or any less. His love is constant. This kind of love characterizes pure passion.

Look up the word passion in any dictionary. In addition to the phrases “strong desire” and “intense emotional excitement,” you will find the phrase “the sufferings of Jesus Christ upon the cross.”¹ How does Christ’s crucifixion define pure passion? To answer that question, we must recognize why Jesus died for us.

…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:2).

This verse reveals that pure passion is composed of three elements. Let’s take a moment to examine each one and understand its significance to the longing of our hearts.

Christ Initiates Love

Why did Jesus have to endure the pain and shame mentioned in Hebrews 12:2? He died on the cross because God wanted a relationship with you and me. But we couldn’t reach Him. Every human is born with sin and that sin, separated us from God. Thus, if we were ever going to enjoy a meaningful relationship with God, someone besides us had to make it happen.

In love, Jesus initiated our reconciliation to God. He chose to die on the cross for us and remove our ugly sin so that our union with God could be possible. Without Christ’s action, we would still be isolated from the love our hearts so desperately need.

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace (Ephesians 1:7).

Christ’s initiative is an important aspect of pure passion because it signifies that He takes the lead to love us. We don’t have to worry about getting His attention or keeping His approval. Neither do we have to beg, indulge, or petition Jesus. In this very moment, He is extending His love to you and me. This is a significant distinction when you consider how hard most people work to win the favor of a man or woman.

I remember in high school the frustration of trying to attract someone’s interest. As a sophomore, I had a serious crush on a girl named Amy. She was tall, beautiful, and one of the smartest students in my grade. I used to sit behind her in biology class and daydream about being her boyfriend. However, I had one problem—I couldn’t get her to pay attention to me. I flirted, offered to carry her books, and asked her to be my study partner. For three years I tried to earn her favor in any way possible, but all I received was an occasional hello.

In contrast, you do not have to work to gain the attention of Jesus Christ. He doesn’t wait for you to grovel, plead, or show off before you can secure His interest. Instead, He makes the move to love you first. In pure passion, He died on the cross to love you, and He continues loving you for the rest of your life.

The Joy of Specific Love

Hebrews 12:2 states that joy was set before Jesus even as He endured His crucifixion. The Greek word for “joy” is chara, which means the “joy received from you” or “persons who are the cause of joy.”² Applied to this verse, this definition reveals that people—including you and me—gave Jesus an underlying sense of joy during His awful torture. He was so passionate about a relationship with us that He considered His sacrifice worth the pain.

Some singles, though, doubt their worth to Jesus. As they walk in and out of church by themselves, they question whether anyone cares about them. Some churches further alienate singles by making married adults and families a priority. Many times, singles are segregated from the rest of the congregation or ignored altogether.

I experienced these feelings of loneliness and insecurity while living as a single in Atlanta, Georgia—home to several megachurches. Alone, I’d enter a sanctuary crammed with more than 2000 people and wonder whether I was just another number in God’s holy herd of Christian cattle. The church wasn’t necessarily to blame for my isolation. But as a single adult, I easily felt lost in the crowd. Therefore, this second aspect of Christ’s passion became very important to me.

Jesus never regards you as just another face or number. He is specifically attracted to you and loves you as a unique person. He stated this fact when speaking to the disciples:

What is the price of five sparrows? A couple of pennies? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to Him than a whole flock of sparrows (Luke 12:6-7 NLT).

Jesus was expressing His intimate knowledge of you. He knows every detail about you—including how many hairs are on your head and even whether your hair color is natural! You are His valuable creation. Therefore, He is attracted to you as a unique and special person.

Jesus Christ, Ruler of the universe, knows and loves you as a distinct individual. You may feel lost in the crowd, but you always stand out in the eyes of Jesus. He derives joy from your unique personality, your interests, your strengths, and even your weaknesses. Furthermore, He doesn’t demand that you imitate other Christians to secure His approval. His love is unconditional, and He wants you to be yourself. So pure passion not only involves the initiation of Christ’s love but also incorporates the truth that you are a unique individual who brings Him joy. Let’s explore the third element of His passion for you.

Sacrificial Love

Though Jesus is drawn to us as individuals, His specific attraction wasn’t enough to establish a holy relationship. Remember that our sin separated us from God, and we were helpless to do anything about it. Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus “endured the cross,” meaning He sacrificed Himself for our benefit by taking the punishment for our sin.

Christ’s active participation in our messy condition is the essential element of pure passion. Notice that He did not feel attracted to us, initiate His love, and then wait for us to get our act together. Instead, He laid aside the comforts of heaven and got involved with our sin—simply for our benefit and the glory of God. His loving sacrifice on the cross made our intimate relationship with Him possible. If Jesus had not been willing to give up His life on our behalf, we would still be stuck in our sin.

It is important to note that Jesus’ sacrifice was not only an act of obedience to God. He did it because He loved you so much. Christ knows that you have bad habits, selfish motives, and temper tantrums. Still, He was willing to die for you.

Now, no one is likely to die for a good person, though someone might be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:7-8 NLT).

Loving a person who treats you with kindness and respect is easy. But pure passion involves the sacrifice to love someone even when he or she makes mistakes or acts selfishly. As imperfect people, we desperately need this kind of sacrificial love. Let’s be honest. We both know that we sometimes act like screwups, prima donnas, or jerks. Jesus understands. He doesn’t condone sinful behavior, but He doesn’t reject us because of our misdeeds.

I understand if you think that the unconditional love of Christ doesn’t make sense in our performance-based world. I took a while to believe that a holy God could love me regardless of my sinful behavior. Only by faith did this truth become a reality. So if you are struggling with the idea, I ask you to open your mind and consider the implications of the Bible verses you read here. Don’t take my word; listen to God’s Word.

Our sin did not stop Jesus from pursuing us. He initiated His specific love for us by sacrificing Himself for our benefit. That is pure passion—a love so deep that it fulfills our hearts for eternity.

How Does Pure Passion Affect Dating?

Maybe you are thinking, Rob, I recognize that the love of Christ is superior to human love, but isn’t this a book about dating? What does all this theology have to do with my social life? How do I experience the pure passion in dating?

Discovering that Jesus loved me unconditionally transformed my dating life. I looked back on the struggles of my Great Dating Crusade and realized that I had set myself up for disappointment. My heart desired nutritious, unconditional love, which I thought I could find in a romantic relationship, but all I ever encountered was performance-based “chocolate.” I could have dated every woman in the world without experiencing pure passion.

Instead, Jesus wanted me to understand that He already offered all the love my heart needed. I had only to accept it by faith. This meant I no longer had to seek the affection of a girlfriend or a wife to feel complete. Christ wanted to satisfy my heart.

The fact that Christ desires to fulfill our hearts does not suggest that we must avoid romantic relationships. Jesus is not against romance. He created it, and dating relationships are a great opportunity for His love to overflow from our hearts to those around us. Ephesians 5:2 stresses this point: “Walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us.”

Christ wants to ignite within you the passionate desire to share His sacrificial love with a special person. To Jesus, dating is not about finding someone to fill your hungry heart. Rather, He intends for His love to fill you and be expressed to someone else.

I am convinced that understanding the love of Jesus Christ makes all the difference in the quality of your dating life. His love removes the hurry-up mentality to date and marry. He also frees you to be yourself around other people. And He can lead you to stop exploiting other people for your personal happiness.

Passion Awaits You

This book is an invitation to stop settling for less than what your heart truly desires. A higher love waits to take you beyond the jaded, cynical disappointments that result from most dating relationships. No longer does your heart have to survive on empty romance. You were made to experience more than just manipulation, performance, or selfish indulgence. You were created by God to share in the ecstasy of real love—not only when you get to heaven but in life on earth as well.

Before you can truly love another person, however, you must first understand how much you are already loved. So open your heart and prepare for the passion that awaits you.

Personal Bible Study

This built-in Bible study and discussion guide is designed to assist both individuals and small groups to apply the truths mentioned in this book. After you read each chapter, take some time to answer the personal Bible study questions. Then, in a group, use the discussion questions on the following page to talk about key relationship issues.

1. Read 1 John 4:10. How does this verse define love? What does this verse say about God’s passionate initiative toward you?

2. Reflect on Psalm 139, focusing on verses 1-5 and 17-18. What do these verses say about God’s specific love for you?

3. Turn to Colossians 1:19-23. Consider the sacrificial love that Christ demonstrated toward you. What was your original condition? What is your new condition?

4. Read John 4:6-29. Notice that the woman in the story did not deny that she had endured five unsuccessful romantic relationships (verses 17-18). What did Jesus offer this woman to fulfill her heart?

5. Have you ever had a dating relationship that initially felt like a chocolate sugar high but then suddenly crashed? What did you learn through that experience?

Group Discussion Questions

1. How is passion normally defined in our society? Why is Jesus Christ the best representation of passion?

2. Discuss three ways that men and women must perform to be accepted by each other. Why does this kind of conditional love ruin relationships?

3. Discuss the reasons why romantic human affection cannot ultimately satisfy our hearts.

4. Has Christianity been relevant to your dating life thus far? How does being a Christian help or hinder your social life?

5. Think of three examples of the media’s promotion of romanticized passion. What erroneous messages does the media communicate about passion?

6. In John 6:35, Jesus said, “‘I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger.’” How does this verse apply to the hunger of your heart?

2

PASSION FROM HEAVEN

Celebrating Your Spiritual Marriage

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate this joyous occasion. Two people have come together, signifying their desire to be formally united in marriage. Being assured that no legal, moral, or religious barrier hinders their union, they will now join hands and answer the following questions:

Do You, Jesus Christ, take the reader of this book to be your bride? Will You love, cherish, honor, and protect this reader? Do You promise, in the presence of God and these witnesses, to be faithful to the reader for all eternity?

I do.

Do you, reader, take Jesus Christ to be your Husband? Will you take Him as the sacrifice for your sin? Will you love, cherish, honor, and worship Him? Do you promise, in the presence of God and these witnesses, to forsake all others and to rest in His love throughout eternity?

I do.

By the authority vested in Me as the Minister of the gospel and the Creator of the universe, I now pronounce you Husband and wife. What I have joined together, no man can separate.

Congratulations!

Are you a Christian single who hopes to get married? I’ve got great news—you are already married! You are the bride of Jesus Christ. The Bible says that the moment you accepted Him as your Savior and Lord, you were united with Him in a loving, spiritual marriage.

For your husband is your Maker, whose name is the LORD of hosts; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, who is called the God of all the earth (Isaiah 54:5).

“It will come about in that day,” declares the LORD, “that you will call Me Ishi [Husband] and will no longer call Me Baali [Master].…I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and in compassion, and I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the LORD” (Hosea 2:16,19-20).

After the empty romances of my Great Dating Crusade, I almost gave up on the idea that true love existed. Then I discovered that being a Christian means more than just attending church, praying, or singing praise songs. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I am united with Him in an intimate relationship.

Guys, I understand that it might be difficult to picture yourself as a bride, but realize that the love of Christ transcends genders. Jesus loves a man by encouraging, empowering, and celebrating him. Likewise, He provides meaningful love to a woman through cherishing, protecting, and providing for her.

Why is it important to grasp the reality of our spiritual marriage? As we saw in the previous chapter, our hearts cannot survive solely on human relationships because human love is tied to performance. We need someone who will accept us unconditionally. Therefore, God designed our spiritual marriage to be our primary source of love. As our Husband, Jesus agrees to meet every need of our hungry hearts.

The Purpose of Marriage

If God intends for Christ’s love to fulfill our hearts, then how do dating and marriage fit into our lives? Is God against Christian singles pursuing human relationships? The apostle Paul answered these questions in his letter to the Ephesians:

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one (Ephesians 5:31-32 NLT).

These verses state that earthly marriage illustrates the spiritual marriage that occurs between Christ and the church. God knew how difficult it would be for us to fathom our marriage to a Spirit whom we cannot see, hear, or touch. Therefore, He offers earthly marriage relationships as a physical representation of our union with Jesus.

I witnessed the power of this illustration when I attended the wedding of a friend named Kevin Lawson. As the sun set on a gorgeous October evening, Kevin stood before us ready to receive his bride, Melissa. Waiting alongside Kevin was his father, Reverend Lawson, who performed the wedding ceremony. The moment was striking because it presented a wonderful picture of the heavenly Father joining His Son, Jesus, to His bride.

As Melissa walked down the aisle in her dazzling white gown, both Kevin and his father beamed with delight. Mr. Lawson’s grin was so big that he could barely contain his happiness. You could feel his excitement as he gazed upon his son and new daughter-in-law.

ROB EAGER

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS