• Mother’s housing and health care issues

• My eternal weight loss battle

• Inability to find qualified employees

• Balancing the increasing demands of my dual careers

• My husband’s tentativeness about his career objectives

As I pondered my stressors, I objectively categorized them into those I could impact and those outside of my circle of influence. In addition to the major stressors, I also had minor stressors not caused by external situations, but rather by my traditional thinking and entrenched attitudes. While my mother’s situation caused me the most concern, I knew that due to certain home ownership issues and her insistence on living in her familiar but problem-ridden environment, I could do very little to make an impact. Therefore, I had to develop an effective coping strategy. I have learned to segment and delay my mental preoccupation with certain situations when other stressors demand my attention. I call it “managing my sanity.” God has given me the grace to do it.

My dual career was beginning to require most of my attention. I had felt for the past two years that my season was up as the chief financial officer of the church, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell my boss, even though my husband and others who were sensitive to the voice of God were pressing me to do so. I loved the Bishop. He was the most endearing boss I had ever had. My experience with him was nothing like the horror stories I had heard from my counterparts in other ministries. He rarely called me at home, and if he did, he was very apologetic about it and genuinely needed something that could not wait. I worked crazy hours because I felt that he and the church deserved the same level of effort I had given to companies I had worked for in the corporate world. Notwithstanding, the work never seemed to be done. The job had taken its toll on my health. It was time to take care of myself and time to obey God. Over a two-year period, I had no fewer than ten different highly respected Christian leaders strongly encourage me to go into full-time ministry. I did not want God to have to drag me kicking and screaming to my destiny, so I finally mustered enough courage to tender my resignation. It took five Kleenex tissues for me to tell the Bishop. I cried for the entire month leading up to the final date. I had worked many, many 16-hour or more days. I had even postponed a couple of needed surgeries because I could never find an extended period to be away from the office. I had not realized I was so emotionally invested in the place until I faced the reality that I would no longer be there.

We had built this awesome $66 million cathedral, and I had signed the check for every single item in it. It was featured in several popular magazines. Further, my husband and I had sacrificed and made a significant financial investment in the project. I felt a serious sense of ownership. I knew God was saying, “Okay, mission accomplished.” However, I just wanted to settle down and enjoy the fruit of my labor. Plus, I had finally become comfortable with my expertise of every aspect of our operation. It did not seem right to let it all go to waste.

Many times the path to God’s perfect will for our lives requires us to make various transitions. For example, to get to San Diego, California, where I often speak, I have to travel on Interstate 10 for a few miles, transition to the 110 Freeway for several more miles, and finally transition to the 405 Freeway for more than 100 miles before I reach San Diego. Obviously, I would never get there if I remained on I-10. Transitions are sometimes mandatory if we want to achieve our destination.

So it is with our ordained destiny. We are created with free will, which is not to say that God does not have a special plan for our lives, yet it is we who act outside God’s will, therefore missing the blessings He has for us. Many times God is saying, “Time to transition to the next path.” But we respond, “I’m very familiar with this route. Can’t I just stay here and still reach my destiny?” Then we have the audacity to become frustrated or blame God when our goals seem to elude us.

I had to get real about my stressors, and yes, the idea of the transition was weighing heavily on my mind. Being a CPA, I resisted the natural temptation to do a detailed analysis of the impact of taking my income out of the household budget. I truly wanted to make a faith decision rather than a financial one. I do not recommend this approach under normal circumstances. I simply had the personal assurance of the Holy Spirit that God was going to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that I could ask or think. Further, I knew that all of our needs would be met no matter what my husband’s career decision was going to be. So I took the plunge. God has been faithful to His Word and we have not missed a beat financially.

Have you taken the time to analyze your stressors? I suggest you find a quiet place where you will not be interrupted for at least 30 minutes. Make a list of every situation stressing you. Include everything from the annoying friend who competes with you to your messy, irresponsible teenager whom you love with all your heart. Now rank each one from most to least stressful. Meditate on what God would have you do in confronting these situations. You might also want to discuss some coping strategies with a trusted friend or counselor.

Day 2

Secure Your Foundation

The one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.

LUKE 6:49 NIV

No structure can withstand the winds of adversity without a solid foundation. Our lives are no different. We must build them on a firm foundation if we expect to withstand the innumerable pressures of daily living.

Our lives are very similar to a stool that has a base and four legs. The base is our spiritual foundation, which consists primarily of prayer and the Word of God. The legs represent the financial, relational, mental, and physical aspects of our lives. Each leg must be strongly connected to our spiritual base in order for it to stand and be strong. Not one leg can stand alone and disconnected. For example, the financial leg must be managed according to biblical principles of giving, integrity, hard work, and so forth. If not, you will experience stressful situations, such as too much debt, bad business deals, and fiscal chaos. The relational leg must also be handled according to biblical principles or we will not have the power to exercise unconditional love, forgiveness, or long-suffering. Our mental well-being is directly proportional to the extent to which we embrace God’s Word and allow it to regulate our minds and emotions—and keep us in perfect peace. A strongly connected physical leg empowers us to treat our bodies according to the principles of the Word; we get proper rest, eat right, and engage in overall health maintenance. You get the picture. The strength and success of every facet of our lives will be determined by the strength of our foundation. If the base is weak, there is no hope for the legs.

It is no wonder, then, that Satan makes every attempt to prevent us from strengthening our base. We must be diligent to secure our foundation first thing each day before we fall victim to distractions. I remember one day when I was preparing to pray. I went into my prayer room, and just as I started to pray I decided it would really be nice to listen to my sounds of nature CD that featured birds chirping, running streams, and background music. It would be a great backdrop for prayer as well as a de-stressor as I would imagine being alone with the Lord in a forest—especially if I used my noise-blocking headphones. When I went to the place where I normally kept these items, I could not find the headphones or the CD. I searched everywhere. In one room I looked through a stack of CDs that were waiting to be put back into their original cases. I figured that since I was there I’d take a quick minute to organize them. Fifteen minutes later I moved from there and proceeded to look in the trunk of my car for the missing items. There I found another array of CDs that needed to be organized and put back into their original cases. I thought, Oh, what’s an extra ten minutes? I’ll make it up to the Lord. I organized the CDs—and the entire trunk. Next I went into my home office and behold, there they were—my noise-blocking headphones and my nature CD. But since I was so close to the computer, I decided to quickly check my e-mail just in case there was one that needed an urgent reply. I have friends who jokingly describe this set of distractions as AAADD—Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

Nevertheless, an hour later, I was now ready to head back to my prayer room. Of course, the hour I had scheduled to pray was up, so I ended up spending about 20 hurried, guilt-filled minutes running through my prayer list and quickly browsing through a psalm. I thought, How rude of me to start a conversation with the Lord and then leave Him hanging for an entire hour! Would I have done that to anyone else? Of course not. But the day was waiting and I was already behind on my to-do list. I knew that even the 20 minutes I had spent were better than nothing, but I did not feel I had really nourished my spirit. I did not feel I had made the level of connection I desired. Rather, I felt the accuser trying to convince me that I had only been performing an “obligatory” duty because I am “supposed” to pray because I am a Bible teacher, and teachers should be able to say that they pray consistently.

The only way I have found to be consistent in prayer is to set a specific time and place for it. Otherwise, something else will keep taking precedence over it. Do not allow yourself to be distracted. Do not fool yourself into thinking you will get to it later. By the end of the day, you’ll be too tired to enter into His rest. You’ll simply want to say, “God, bless everybody in the whole world. You know their needs. Good night!”

I believe a time will come in every Christian’s life where the key to their survival will depend on their relationship with the Lord. When my friend Althea Sims’ husband suffered a massive stroke, she suddenly found herself thrust into the role of holding together—spiritually and administratively—the church where he was pastor. She also had to assume responsibility for their household finances—a task he also handled. These were uncharted waters for her. Further, she had to continue her duties as mother to her dependent children. The doctors provided little hope of Pastor Reggie’s survival during the days following his stroke. Althea was the Rock of Gibraltar and it was not a facade—you could feel her strength and her peace. Recently I asked her how she kept her sanity during that extremely stressful period. She responded, “I survived because of where I was in the Lord when it all happened.” She had secured her foundation way before the storm. Solomon was right when he said, “If you fail under pressure, your strength is not very great” (Proverbs 24:10). We cannot escape life’s troubles or stressors, but we can fortify our spirits with prayer and the Word of God so that we can have the strength and courage to respond to and overcome them.

Day 3

Sleep

I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.

PSALM 4:8

Sleep is more important to our survival than water or food. Getting sufficient sleep to restore our bodies is a key factor in coping with day-to-day stress. Further, failure to get enough sleep also increases stress and can make us less able to handle stressful situations. Most adults, regardless of age, need the recommended eight hours of restful sleep a night. But sometimes stress can keep us awake, making matters worse as we find ourselves in a vicious cycle of a stressful situation keeping us up and then a lack of sleep causing more stress. Sleeplessness, then, can be one of many signs that our body is under stress.

What about your sleep habits? Do you have a sleep routine in which you go to bed and get up about the same time, or do you allow events, people, deadlines, or other circumstances to dictate your sleep schedule? For those of you whose bedtime routine is rather extensive, do you start to wind down in plenty of time to allow yourself to complete it, or does the routine itself become a stressor? Ever thought about completing it hours before your bedtime? Most of us think of sleep as some passive process in which we drift off into oblivion and wake up several hours later well rested. The truth of the matter is that sleep is an active state. Many metabolic and other restorative processes occur during the various stages of sleep. If we do not sleep long enough for our system to be rejuvenated, we will most likely find ourselves irritated by the smallest things and battling a whale of an appetite. The excess hunger is just our body’s cry for the energy that was supposed to be supplied by a good night’s sleep.

If you have trouble sleeping, you can try some things to help you sleep better. Although experts say that you should not exercise within a couple of hours of turning in, I find that a leisurely walk on my treadmill helps me to sleep well. The key is not to engage in an activity that raises your heart rate significantly because that will interfere with sleep. You might also try taking a warm bath while burning an aromatherapy candle. You will want to avoid caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and heavy meals near bedtime. (Of course, eliminating the consumption or use of these things in general would be a plus.) If you are menopausal or premenopausal, you might need to add sugar to this list. You will want to make sure that your room is dark and cool. The purchase of blackout window shades to avoid the bright morning light would be a good investment. I also use eyeshades so that the light doesn’t disturb me when my husband arises before I get up. A good comfortable mattress and pillow are a must. Don’t skimp here. They are as important as wearing comfortable shoes. I have one of those memory foam pillows that ensures the correct alignment of your head and body throughout the night. When I go on a trip, I notice the difference in my quality of sleep. Keep your bed linens fresh. Even if you do not change your sheets every few days, fresh pillowcases will still set the stage for a pleasant sleeping experience.

If you are unable to turn off your racing mind, try the deep breathing exercise discussed in chapter 22, “Release Your Tension.” If there is an issue that you need to deal with, then plan to do so. Get in touch with why you are unable to sleep.

NKJV