Why is this topic important?

Emotionally effective behavior is the magic wand that opens—not the future—but the present moment NOW to the fullest influence of our passion, creativity and determination. It is the texture and intensity and direction of the emotional energy we transmit that lets other people know what we want and how to work with us. It tells them how urgent our message is in terms of timeliness, how valuable it is in terms of the results we are seeking to achieve, and how pleased or displeased we are with the progress currently being made toward achieving that goal. This is the essence of emotional effectiveness, and it is the bottom line in all leadership and teamwork.

What can you achieve with this book?

Groundbreaking work has resulted in excellent emotional intelligence assessments, as well as authoritative books and articles on Emotional and Social Intelligence (ESI). This Handbook adds the much-needed element of practical applications so you can take this great thinking straight to your clients or staff to make a long-term difference. With contributions from ESI leaders across the world, you can tap directly into any of the seventeen chapters that best match your facilitation, coaching, or training needs. The wide variety of content enables you to explore your focus areas as well as learn about new ones. You can achieve an exceptionally high and well-founded level of confidence in the value of emotional intelligence from exploring these case studies, the developmental strategies, and the research this volume proffers and take that learning into your work with clients and staff.

How is this book organized?

The Handbook is organized into four sections designed to help you select the chapters that best match your needs. The first part focuses on leader and individual development through coaching. Chapters address ESI coaching strategies, working with high achievers, a case example based on extensive leadership work in South Africa and Cambodia, leadership derailment, interpretation techniques for working with the EQ-i® and EI and catastrophic failure. The second part of the book provides guidance for teams, organizations, and cultures with chapters on team conflict resolution skills, bridging your ESI application from individuals to organizations, understanding star performers’ ESI attributes, and perspectives and strategies in ESI development in South Africa. Part Three combines wisdom by demonstrating ESI connections with personality type profiles, by combining the EQ-i® and the MSCEIT, and by the powerful combination of ESI with Appreciative Inquiry. It also includes a look at the social aspects within emotional intelligence. Part Four focuses on education, including a sustainable, skill-based approach to building emotional literacy in schools, developing emotional, social, and cognitive skills in MBA programs, and research on building leadership in schools. There is plenty to support your current interests and to take you into new areas.

About Pfeiffer

Pfeiffer serves the professional development and hands-on resource needs of training and human resource practitioners and gives them products to do their jobs better. We deliver proven ideas and solutions from experts in HR development and HR management, and we offer effective and customizable tools to improve workplace performance. From novice to seasoned professional, Pfeiffer is the source you can trust to make yourself and your organization more successful.

Essential Knowledge Pfeiffer produces insightful, practical, and comprehensive materials on topics that matter the most to training and HR professionals. Our Essential Knowledge resources translate the expertise of seasoned professionals into practical, how-to guidance on critical workplace issues and problems. These resources are supported by case studies, worksheets, and job aids and are frequently supplemented with CD-ROMs, websites, and other means of making the content easier to read, understand, and use.

Essential Tools Pfeiffer’s Essential Tools resources save time and expense by offering proven, ready-to-use materials—including exercises, activities, games, instruments, and assessments—for use during a training or team-learning event. These resources are frequently offered in looseleaf or CD-ROM format to facilitate copying and customization of the material.

Pfeiffer also recognizes the remarkable power of new technologies in expanding the reach and effectiveness of training. While e-hype has often created whizbang solutions in search of a problem, we are dedicated to bringing convenience and enhancements to proven training solutions. All our e-tools comply with rigorous functionality standards. The most appropriate technology wrapped around essential content yields the perfect solution for today’s on-the-go trainers and human resource professionals.

Essential resources for training and HR professionals

This book is dedicated to all of the practitioners in the world who seek to help people improve the quality of human relationships, no matter what their professional title or role. We believe that developing the ability to consciously engage one’s own emotional energy with others’ harmoniously will be the gift that allows civilization to achieve sustainability.

Foreword by James M. Kouzes

Three brief stories: When I asked Don Bennett, the first amputee to climb Mt. Rainier, to tell me the most important lesson he learned from his historic ascent, he replied, “You can’t do it alone.” Here’s a guy who just hopped 14,410 feet on one leg and two poles, who had done something no one else had ever done, and he attributes his success to teamwork.

When asked about why she was able to be so successful in her role as vice president of nursing at Beth Israel Hospital in Boston, Joyce Clifford, with a glorious laugh and a smile on her face, said, “I tell them they can do it. . . . I tell them I’m not smart enough to figure it out, but I know that they can. And, you know what? That’s the truth. . . . Technically, I’m not the most competent person, but I know how to get people to think well about themselves.” What a marvelous admission. And what an extraordinary skill. Knowing how to get people to think well about themselves is an ability that all of us could benefit from.

In speaking to our MBA students at Santa Clara University, Irwin Federman, a partner in U.S. Venture Partners and a former CFO and CEO, made this observation: “I contend, however, that all other things being equal, we will work harder and more effectively for people we like, and we will like them in direct proportion to how they make us feel.” Like Don and Joyce, Irwin understands that leaders don’t create excellence all by themselves. In the thousands of cases we’ve studied, we’ve yet to encounter a single example of extraordinary achievement that’s occurred without the active involvement and support of many people. We’ve yet to find a single instance in which one talented person—leader or individual contributor—accounted for most, let alone 100 percent, of the success.

These are just a few examples of one fundamental point: Leadership is a relationship. It’s a relationship between those who aspire to lead and those who choose to follow. Whether the relationship is with one or many, leadership requires engaging others. No matter how much formal power and authority our positions give us, we’ll only leave a lasting legacy if others want to be in that relationship with us. Leadership requires a resonant connection with others over matters of the heart.

What is true for leadership is also true for exemplary teamwork, coaching, and teaching. It’s all about the relationships. Successful human endeavors result from the effectiveness of the relationships among the people involved.

This is serious stuff. People can graduate at the top of the class from the best universities in the world, reason circles around their brightest peers, solve technical problems with wizard-like powers, have the relevant situational, functional, and industry experience, and still be more likely to fail than succeed—unless they can also work well with others.

Research over the last twenty-five years has helped us name and even measure those key behaviors that most contribute to developing human excellence. These best practices are what inspire us to risk and grow, whether as a team leader or as a new vice president. They help us imagine ourselves being better and performing more effectively than we currently do. They help us communicate the possibility and the rewards of improved performance to those whom we are charged with leading. They let us know in no uncertain terms what is valuable and should be pursued and what is to be avoided. This set of skills and learned abilities has come to be known as the field of emotional and social intelligence; research has proven it is our emotional energy that both communicates the vision and activates the common resonance necessary to achieve it.

Once they have learned and practiced these emotional skills, team members begin to inspire and challenge each other to higher levels of performance. Teachers can better discern the misunderstandings that limit their students’ comprehension and transform them. Leaders are able to engage the discretionary efforts of the people they are leading and help them make their most passionate contributions. The mandate is very clear. You must build your personal abilities to recognize and manage your emotions and you must contribute to building others’ abilities to work well together. How well you do this will have a direct impact on your personal and organizational success.

The book you hold in your hands, the Handbook for Developing Emotional and Social Intelligence, maps out effective ways for you to enable others to fully engage in their work, to develop a sense of belonging, and to contribute to creating a rewarding workplace. And it offers sound advice and counsel for a variety of settings: when coaching individuals and leaders; when working with systems, including teams, organizations, and cultures; when integrating different perspectives; and when working in the field of education.

Because different topics in this book will appeal more to you at different times than others, you need not read it straight through from cover to cover. Trust yourself to discover an order that will satisfy your desire to understand and communicate your own emotional energy even more effectively. With so many insightful contributions from leading experts in the field of emotional and social intelligence, you will find wisdom no matter where you begin your exploration. When you begin to put these powerful strategies to use in your work and life, you will be better able to make a lasting difference with clients, staff, colleagues, students, and family.

Acknowledgments

The editors wish to acknowledge and thank all of the following people: The many coaches, coaching clients, teams, and organizations we have had the great honor to work with. You teach us daily.

Steven Stein, David Groth, Diana Durek, and all our brilliant colleagues at Multi-Health Systems who promote emotional intelligence daily. Reuven Bar-On, Peter Salovey, John Mayer, David Caruso, Daniel Goleman, Cary Cherniss, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee for your pioneering emotional intelligence work.

Martin Delahoussaye, former senior acquisitions editor at Pfeiffer, for proposing this project and guiding and encouraging us with such good cheer; Lisa Shannon, our helpful executive editor; Holly J. Allen, senior acquisitions editor; Tolu Babalola, marketing manager; Susan Rachmeler, senior development editor, Dawn Kilgore, production editor; Marisa Kelley, assistant editor; and Rebecca Taff for all the professional effort and detail it takes to make a really good book! Michael Snell, our agent, for creating an excellent interface with our publisher and orchestrating a win-win process while continuing down the publishing path with us.

Robert Carkhuff, John Grinder, Richard Bandler, Leslie Lebeau, Judith DeLozier, Robert Dilts, Jean Houston, and Don Beck and all their teachers for the phenomenal contributions they have made to our understanding of human communication and how to improve it.

Marcia and James wish to thank our twenty-two-year-old daughter, Julie Linden Terrell (sometimes known as JT), who has endured a lot over the course of six books, but smiled, encouraged us, and demonstrated infinite patience with long hours and late dinners. Our brother, Don Hughes, for the many ways in which he has supported us; all of our parents, families, teachers, mentors, clients, and adversaries; and the grace and pluck that have gotten us each this far along the crazy paths we call our lives.

Dick wishes to thank his wife Grenae Thompson for her encouragement, brilliant insights, and exceptional editorial feedback and the outstanding High Performing Systems, Inc., project team—Debra Cannarella, Karen Schwind, Julie Gentry, Josh Billings, Farrell Bowdoin, Curt Cisrow, and Jennifer Brown—for insights and detailed reviews and feedback. He also wants to thank his numerous colleagues and clients who shared information and provided valuable feedback during the data collection, research, and writing process.

Introduction

The Handbook for Developing Emotional and Social Intelligence is a compendium of insights, strategies, and research that is designed to make the practitioner’s work simpler and more effective. Whether you are a coach, a trainer, or an HR professional, some, if not all, of the contents of this book will capture your attention and engage you in exploring new ways to increase the emotional effectiveness of your own work. It is our hope that you will be able to see and understand what you do from a new perspective, a new vantage point. If you do, we are confident that you will even more effectively engage the great work of helping humans relate with each other with increased creativity and enthusiasm, and reduce the destructive competition and conflict.

Fortunately, we now have validated and reliable individual assessments, such as the EQ-i^®, the MSCEIT^®, and the ESCI, and team assessments such as the TESI^® and the Team Diagnostic Assessment that give us the blueprint for measuring and developing the emotional and social intelligence (ESI) skills necessary to work through the full gamut of workplace challenges from team conflict, to developing high performers, to enhanced decision making within leadership environments. These skills are increasingly complex—and they are not soft! They’re measurable, durable, and scalable, and it requires courage, strength, and persistence to apply them consistently and achieve truly sustainable success. ESI skills give us what it takes to manage the incredible stresses of not enough resources and not enough time; they are what help us balance our efforts appropriately between competition and compassion, and between the escalating demands of the workplace and the fundamental needs of our homes, families, and communities that commerce was invented to serve.

In high-tech economies in which measuring the quantifiable value of the bottom line has been so intensely promoted and enjoyed, the qualitative dynamics of emotional relationships have traditionally been easier to neglect. The result is that our faith in ourselves and our neighbors has been overtaken by our faith in the distant invisible systems of production and distribution that consistently deliver the flood of consumer goods upon which we now rely for our comfort, meaning, and life support. However, the costs of this reliance are similar to those of an organizational compensation system that rewards quarterly savings with big bonuses. It inevitably produces a deferred maintenance strategy that eventually leads to systemic failures and much greater costs and problems later on.

The most successful executive coaches help their clients develop the emotional and social effectiveness that enables the clients to expand their perspective and appreciate those they lead on the basis of the emotional connections that facilitate trust, synergy, and effective conflict resolution. Even in the most practical sense, research is now proving that this adds more value to the organization’s bottom line than managing people as mere instruments of production.

Our intense focus on acquiring objective goals is due in part to the remarkable success of our technological gains since the Industrial Revolution, but these aptitudes can only achieve so much before the power of pursuing those values must swing back into the balance on a broader context. The mindset of acquisition generates a level of competition that eventually becomes so dis-integrative that, in order for life in the workplace to be tolerable, people must consciously learn to relate in ways that restore the value of human relationships to the business “equation.”

In fact, the emphasis on the economic equation that seeks to set human value equal to objectively quantified measures is rebalancing with the social equation that values human participation according to subjectively qualified measures. The recent interest in emotional and social intelligence as a field of practice is the result of our desperate need to reintegrate our subjective communication skills that lag behind our skills in symbolic language and mathematical analysis.

Since Descartes we have been increasingly groomed to emphasize our quantitative analysis and expression of the objective world at the expense of our qualitative appreciation. This has left us increasingly cynical, knowing, as Oscar Wilde said, “the price of everything and the value of nothing.” Now that this crucial aspect of human relations has also yielded to our relentless drive for metrics, we can prove that its omission has a huge cost to the bottom line in terms of conflict, mistakes, and delays. It is only the reintegration of these complementary functions that can generate a sufficiently comprehensive perspective and data set to accurately evaluate our real success and attend to the whole range of concerns that we must address if human life is to relate harmoniously once again within an intact global ecology. Without this integration, we will be unable to increase the effectiveness of our communication and the range of real productivity that has consistently delivered the progress we have traditionally called human civilization.

In order to assist you in finding the rich subjects and practical tips that will appeal to you most in this volume, a brief summary of each chapter follows.

PART ONE: COACHING: WORKING WITH LEADERS AND OTHER INDIVIDUALS

Chapter One, “Coaching with Emotional and Social Effectiveness,” by Marcia Hughes and James Terrell, is addressed to the executive coach, life coach, mentor, and other professionals who seek to guide and grow the skills and life engagement of others. It is practical and provides experiential ideas for building emotional and social effectiveness (ESE) through work with clients, staff, and others. The chapter is built around the authors’ core value of providing the client with tools to use to gain sustainable behavior change. Practical tips are provided to support the readers’ clients in understanding and building emotional and social effectiveness. Clients seldom have challenges that neatly package into one specific emotional intelligence skills area. Rather, they have bigger challenges, such as how to believe in themselves and then make effective choices. Therefore, the authors construct their suggestions around five key areas of effectiveness—Valuing Self, Valuing Others, Responsive Awareness, Courage, and Authentic Success—all of which are supported by using skills in emotional and social intelligence.

Chapter Two, “Developing High Achievers Through Emotional Intelligence: More Intelligent Than Emotional,” by Geetu Bharwaney, summarizes best practices in working with this unique group. High achievers in any organizational context have a very specific need and context for their work on emotional intelligence. Advice is provided on how to structure interventions that create impact. This will appeal to practitioners in a variety of contexts who are keen to work with star performers, the most critically important people in any professional work context. Case studies from three different projects are included to demonstrate emotional intelligence programs for high achievers in action.

Chapter Three, “Resonate Leadership for Results: An Emotional and Social Intelligence Program for Change in South Africa and Cambodia,” by Annie McKee, Frances Johnston Eddy Mwelwa, and Suzanne Rotondo, details the results of the authors spending four years (2001-2004) conducting leadership development programs in South Africa and Cambodia in the fight to combat HIV and AIDS. They knew that they had to take a systems approach and that they had to focus on emotional intelligence, the heart of leadership development. They tell how they were able to use these skills to connect with a wide variety of leaders at different levels of emotional and cognitive development. They tell how they reached leaders on various levels in countries where the cultures are different from both the authors’ and each others’ cultures. In doing so, the authors include participants’ stories and conclude with lessons they learned about working within non-western cultures. Although the narrative focuses on developing leadership in a global, non-profit setting, their findings will be useful to all practitioners as they explain the need for practitioners to demonstrate their own EI, to understand the culture in which they are working, and to use accessible language if they want to bring about large-scale, ongoing change.

Chapter Four, “When Enhanced EI Is Associated with Leadership Derailment,” by Howard Book, finds that while emotionally intelligent leaders are better at motivating and developing employees than leaders with lower EI, leaders can be too high in some or all EI facets. Book concentrates on impulse control and optimism and points out that each requires a complementary facet that is equally or almost as high for the leader to have well-balanced skills. When a leader has adequate EI but is perceived as having low EI, then Book says that the problem lies elsewhere: organizational structure. Book finds that if the organization lacks formal structure—organizational charts, formal lines of communication, clear job descriptions, etc.—then employees often form a distorted view of the CEO’s emotional intelligence. They either view the CEO as a savior, the only one in the organization who can provide any answers or solutions, or they view the CEO as a manipulative leader who wants to undermine his or her employees’ work. Book advises coaches to examine both areas when working with EI.

Chapter Five, “Advanced EQ-i^® Interpretation Techniques: The Concepts of Drag, Balance, and Leverage, by Rich Handley, provides concrete strategies for enhancing meaningful interpretation of the EQ-i^® in a way that can easily be extrapolated to working with other EI measures as well. This chapter examines advanced EQ-i^® interpretation techniques, specifically the concepts of drag, balance, and leverage. Handley guides the powerful use of the tool through tables and graphs that lead to practical applications by the practitioner.

Chapter Six, “Emotional Intelligence, Stress, and Catastrophic Leadership Failure™,” by Henry L. Thompson, presents breakthrough research on the impact of stress on both cognitive ability and emotional and social intelligence (ESI). The data presented show two of the many ways that stress degrades the brain’s ability to fully access cognitive and ESI potential. As the functions of the prefrontal cortex (the executive center of the brain) are degraded, effective decision making and appropriate emotional control and behavior are also degraded. Thompson suggests that there is a nonlinear relationship among stress, cognitive ability, and ESI such that, as stress increases, cognitive ability and ESI decrease gradually at first, but if the stress continues to rise, the person may experience a catastrophic drop in ability. Examples are cited of leaders experiencing what he labels Catastrophic Leadership Failure™.

PART TWO: TEAMS, ORGANIZATIONS, AND CULTURES: WORKING WITH SYSTEMS

Chapter Seven, “Building Your Team’s Conflict-Resolution Skills with Emotional and Social Intelligence,” by Marcia Hughes, provides research and practical tips for working with a critical organizational issue—effectively resolving team conflict. Measurement tools such as the Team Emotional and Social Intelligence Survey^® (TESI^®) and the Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i^®) are discussed, and the seven most influential skills in the EQ-i^® for resolving conflict are highlighted. Teams taking the TESI^® regularly report that conflict is their most difficult challenge. To address this, the author hypothesized that the capacity to use strong divergent thinking skills was central to conflict-resolution skills. Research on TESI^® results is described showing that this team capability is influential. Analysis and tips are provided on guiding teams to work with typical challenges. Because emotions are contagious, teams need to be able to work with both the positive and negative emotions they experience. Tips on managing a team’s difficult emotions are provided, including some of the biggest challenges leading to difficult emotions—conflict-adverse leaders and team members, passive-aggressive behavior, personality differences, difficult people or bullies, fear about scarcity of resources, and difficulty in exercising divergent thinking.

Chapter Eight, “From Individual to Organizational Emotional Intelligence,” by Steven J. Stein, addresses organizational emotional intelligence, which the author defines as “an organization’s ability to successfully and efficiently cope with change and accomplish its goals, while being responsible and sensitive to its people, customers, suppliers, networks, and society.” A successful organization is one that is people-oriented, efficient, productive, and innovative. Through many examples of organizational and employee challenges, the author reviews the three foundations that underlie any truly great workplace today—the work itself, relationships at work, and work with purpose. The author created the Benchmark of Organizational Emotional Intelligence (BOEI) to provide an instrument that allows employees to express their feelings and thoughts about various aspects of the organization. The BOEI provides a snapshot of the organization’s functioning from the perspective of employees—both line and management—and then discusses a summary of best practice options that the practitioner can use to work with the results once an organization has taken the BOEI.

Chapter Nine, “Zeroing in on Star Performance,” by Diana Durek and Wendy Gordon, demonstrates that more than any other indices designed to predict performance, measures of emotional intelligence are showing real payoff power when it comes to workplace success. Over a decade of research has consistently demonstrated that those with higher emotional intelligence (EI), as measured by the Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i^®), are more likely to perform at high levels than their less emotionally intelligent co-workers. While IQ and technical skills are a requirement for many roles, once a person is in a given job, IQ no longer discriminates between those who succeed and those who do not. As you will see, factors such as empathy, assertiveness, optimism, and the ability to tolerate stress and control impulses are strong indicators of star performance. As top organizations replace less-effective selection and development activities with ones based on EI, they are beginning to document real bottom-line impact in the form of reduced turnover, increased customer satisfaction, higher productivity, better engagement, and improved leadership.

In Chapter Ten, “Emotional Intelligence: A View from South Africa,” Jopie de Beer, Nicola Taylor, Renate Scherrer, and Christina van der Merwe write that the African philosophy of Ubuntu provides a unique understanding of the way indigenous people have survived with wisdom and dignity through thousands of years. This African worldview lays the foundation for the understanding and application of emotional and social intelligence (ESI) throughout Africa. This chapter describes the research in Africa with the EQ-i^® and beginning research of the MSCEIT. The lives of Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, and Steve Biko are tapped to demonstrate the living practice of ESI. The authors emphasize the importance of literacy training and note that this is a perfect ground for complementing the work with EI development “through song and dance, stories and poetry, role modeling of teachers, EI videos targeted at the youth, television programs, and community forums where Ubuntu principles are used as a vehicle to learn more about emotions and emotional management.” The authors describe using EI to select the best candidates for reality shows, as the producers want to find candidates who have emotional resilience and fitting styles of coping with personal and interpersonal difficulties.

PART THREE: MULTIPLE PERSPECTIVES: COMBINING WISDOM

Chapter Eleven, “Personality Type and Emotional Intelligence: Pragmatic Tools for the Effective Practitioner,” by Roger R. Pearman, examines the connection between the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator^® (MBTI) and emotional intelligence, concentrating on the BarOn EQ-i^®, and provides practitioners with practical suggestions to help clients enhance their overall leadership effectiveness as it relates to interpersonal skills. Pearman chose the MBTI and the BarOn EQ-i^® because both instruments are self-assessments that “provide insight into behavior patterns and preferences . . . [and assume that] development is possible and desirable.” Working with both models simultaneously gives practitioners several perspectives from which to work. Since the focus of this article is providing tools to help them coach clients, Pearman includes tables that list triggers for different preferences and types and that offer learning tactics for providing feedback and coaching.

Chapter Twelve, “Using the EQ-i^® and MSCEIT^® in Tandem,” by Henry L. Thompson, provides a methodology for using the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT^®), an ability-based ESI assessment, with the BarOn EQ-i^®, a self-report ESI assessment, in tandem. The tandem approach provides a multiple-lens perspective on both ESI ability and actual applied behavior. The unique combination of these two instruments produces a robust view of ESI. Extensive comparisons of the two instruments and their relationship to each other and other popular assessments, such as personality (MBTI), interpersonal interaction styles (FIRO-B^®), and cognitive ability (Wonderlic Personnel Test), are presented in a practitioner-friendly manner. Thompson also presents the perspective that everyone has “scores” on all instruments—and that the qualities that they measure are continuously interacting and influencing behavior. Often these influences don’t become visible until the assessment has been completed and interpreted. An added feature of this chapter is the concept of ESI as situationally dependent. That is, ESI is not a single score, but rather a blending of ESI components that match a specific situation, such as a particular job. Examples of ESI success profiles and case studies are presented to explain the validity of this concept.

Chapter Thirteen, “Integrating Appreciative Inquiry and Emotional Intelligence for Optimal Coaching Results,” by G. Lee Salmon and James Bradford Terrell, demonstrates how the intersection of emotional intelligence and appreciative inquiry is generating powerful new coaching techniques for clients who have traditionally been more difficult to serve. Appreciative inquiry is a “problem-solving” strategy that succeeds by overlooking the problem! A champion of the emotional skill called optimism, it begins its inquiry by directing attention to what is going right—What doesn’t need fixing? What are the strengths of the individual, the team, or the organization seeking help? By identifying these, appreciative inquiry has located the sweet spot of motivation—what the people involved in a change process naturally enjoy being and doing and feeling the most. From here, it is not a long stretch to begin recovering the hopefulness and creativity that are often lost to the “predict and control” strategies of managing to the bottom line. New challenges call for new visions. Once these have been developed, emotional intelligence provides the playbook for guiding the behavioral changes that are necessary to achieve them.

Chapter Fourteen, “A Critical Perspective on the ‘Social’ Within Emotional Intelligence,” by Carina Fiedeldey-Van Dijk, explores the results of separating social intelligence from emotional intelligence in the EQ-i^®. She achieves this by using a composite data pool of over one thousand EQ-i^® results. Combining two approaches, social intelligence can effectively be measured from the EQ-i^® without the need for another assessment. She clears up two myths around social intelligence. Myth 1: Overall, people score lower in the interpersonal domain than in other domains making up total EQ. Her analysis shows that, on average, people score the same, indicating that they have what it takes to interact with others. Myth 2: Overall, people score higher in personal EQ than in social EQ. In fact, the opposite is found; people show more EQ when in the presence of others. This is further influenced by their gender, age category, job role/level, and emotional intelligence styles, leading to specific pointers for further developing people’s social intelligence.

PART FOUR: EDUCATION: LEADERS AND STUDENTS

Chapter Fifteen, “A Sustainable, Skill-Based Approach to Building Emotionally Literate Schools,” by Marc A. Brackett, Janet Patti, Robin Stern, Susan E. Rivers, Nicole A. Elbertson, Christian Crisholm, and Peter Salovey, argues for an increased understanding of social and emotional learning (SEL) in schools. The authors present their own program, called Emotionally Literate Schools, as an avenue for schools to increase their students’ SEL and, therefore, their academic learning. The authors point out that students cannot learn social and emotional skills in a vacuum; as with academic skills, students learn what they see. For that reason, schools must integrate SEL throughout their curriculum and reinforce it in every class. To help them do this, the authors have developed a three-phase process schools can implement that involves training for all stakeholders: students, teachers, administrators, parents, and staff. Emotionally Literate Schools uses workshops, coaching, teaching techniques, parent workshops, and much more.

Chapter Sixteen, “Developing Emotional, Social, and Cognitive Intelligence Competencies in Managers and Leaders in Educational Settings,” by Richard E. Boyatzis, looks at full- and part-time MBA students and shows that programs designed to help them see and use the benefits of their development at work, at home, and in their social lives enabled them to develop the intention to change. Intentional change is a process that begins with a person’s ability to develop a personal vision of who he or she wants to be and ends with him or her participating in social and professional groups that allow him or her to achieve a new sense of identity, get feedback, and interpret the results. Although Boyatzis finds that few programs achieve the ultimate goal of helping leaders improve their competencies, his studies are, nevertheless, optimistic in that programs designed to focus on outcomes and to give participants the complex, inclusive view they need can have a profound and positive impact on leaders’ social and emotional intelligence.

Chapter Seventeen, “Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, and the School Administrator,” by James D.A. Parker, Howard Stone, and Laura M. Wood, highlights the growing body of research indicating that the type of social and emotional abilities linked with emotional intelligence are strongly related to one’s ability to cope with life’s demands and stressors. Trends in the recent literature on successful leadership suggest that EI appears to contribute to positive leadership behavior in several basic ways, and this is certainly true for school administrators. The authors review a study funded by the Ontario Ministry of Education and Training that was conducted to explore the relationship between emotional intelligence and school leadership. The study identified critical emotional and social skills required by school administrators (principals and vice-principals) necessary to successfully fulfill their roles and responsibilities. The results as well as future recommendations are reviewed.

We hope you will gain as much as we have from reading these articles and that your interest in emotional and social intelligence expands as you witness your clients gaining sustainable results through your use of EI strategies and concepts. We believe you will find that this is truly an idea and approach whose time has arrived.

PART ONE

Coaching: Working with Leaders and Other Individuals

CHAPTER 1

Coaching with Emotional and Social Effectiveness

Marcia Hughes and James Bradford Terrell

INTRODUCTION

Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village of types of intelligence to live a full and fulfilling life. There are many ways of being smart—IQ is one way. Another way of being smart, emotional and social intelligence, is at the forefront of much of today’s leadership, team, and organization development around the world as this Handbook demonstrates. Others speak of cultural intelligence and spiritual intelligence. Howard Gardner (1999) is a leader in building awareness of multiple forms of intelligence. He has named at least eight different types of intelligence—logical, linguistic, spatial, musical, kinesthetic, naturalist, intrapersonal, and interpersonal—and then lists two others as possibilities: existential awareness and moral awareness.

This chapter is addressed to the executive coach, life coach, mentor, and other professionals who seek to guide and grow the skills and life engagement of others. It is practical and provides experiential ideas for building emotional and social effectiveness (ESE) through your work with your clients, staff, and others you influence. At Collaborative Growth, we have a core goal of providing the tools our clients need to gain sustainable behavior change. The goal of this chapter is to provide you with ideas and strategies that you can blend and include with your many other strategies, for assisting your clients to gain long-term benefits.

Working with your clients requires integrating many concepts and strategies as you fine-tune your approach. When focusing on what is usually termed emotional and social intelligence, we have found it is often best to reframe your discussion in terms they may find more inviting. Thus, we suggest you talk about understanding and building emotional and social effectiveness. Often the word “intelligence” causes people to feel cautious, if not defensive. Building effectiveness is common sense—it’s why people are working with you as a coach.

Additionally, people seldom have challenges that neatly package into one specific emotional intelligence (EI) skill area. Rather, they have more global challenges, such as how to believe in themselves and then make effective choices. Therefore, for coaching purposes, we have identified five key areas of effectiveness: Valuing Self, Valuing Others, Responsive Awareness, Courage, and Authentic Success, which are supported by using skills in emotional and social intelligence. We refer to these as ESE strategies in our book, A Coach’s Guide to Emotional Intelligence (Terrell & Hughes, 2008). All of these areas will be discussed in more detail later in this chapter.

SUSTAINABLE BEHAVIOR CHANGE THROUGH EFFECTIVE PRACTICES

Effective and lasting change can best be accomplished through a multi-tiered approach. Change is hard work—it’s possible, yet it requires focused commitment and practice. In a true demonstration of collaborative leadership, Daniel Goleman and Cary Cherniss, with the assistance of Kim Cowan, Robert Emmerling, and Mitchel Adler, identified guidelines for best practices in developing emotional and social intelligence. The material is found on the website for the Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations (www.eiconsortium.org/). (See also Cherniss & Adler, 2000.)

There are several chapters in this Handbook that can help you develop your ESE coaching practice. Lee Salmon and James Terrell discuss ways of integrating appreciative inquiry and emotional intelligence. The AI/ EI framework calls for a structured and positive approach focused on what works. It’s a great tool to combine with the strategies suggested in this chapter. Similarly, Roger Pearman’s chapter on combining the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator^® tool and the EQ-i^® demonstrates the importance of combining multiple forms of awareness in working with your clients. Understanding their personality preferences and combining that with your ESE approach is likely to greatly enhance your and your clients’ effectiveness. Howard Book and Richard Handley both discuss the cost of having too high a score in particular emotional intelligence skills. Their chapters include tables connecting specific emotional intelligence skills with other skills that also need to be strong to complement strength in given competencies, as well as other strategies to consider if a skill is overused. For example, an overuse of impulse control can lead to rigid behavior. Someone with a great deal of assertiveness and much less impulse control may be perceived as more aggressive than assertive. Dick Thompson emphasizes the consequences of becoming over-stressed and the toll it takes on the ability to use ESE skills. The reader is guided to review these and the other chapters to further develop your coaching practice. Effective coaching requires integration of many forms of wisdom.

Coaching your client to change, grow, and act requires:

• Understanding (the cognitive part)

• Commitment (the inspirational part)

• Practice (the determined part)

• Feedback (the collaborative part)

The five ESE skills we are reviewing in this chapter (valuing self, valuing others, responsive awareness, courage, and authentic success) are built through tapping into all four parts of this change process.

ESE AND MEASURING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

While using an assessment to build your client’s emotional and social effectiveness is not necessary, we recommend it. With the results from an assessment in hand, the coach and client can review the client’s current capabilities as measured by the assessment and strategically engage in accurate coaching. An assessment also gives you data you may not be able to gain any other way, especially if a client is blind to some limitations or resists telling you about them. Different forms of assessments are available—some individually answered and others in a 360 multi-rater format.

Three EI assessment tools receive considerable attention in the literature and in practice: the EQ-i^® (Emotional Quotient Inventory), the MSCEIT^® (Mayer, Salovey, Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test), and the multi-rater assessment developed by Boyatzis and Goleman that includes both the ESCI (Emotional and Social Competency Inventory) and the ECI 2.0 (Emotional Competency Inventory). An article reprinted on the EI Consortium website by Reuven Bar-On (2006), creator of the Bar-On EQ-i^®, describes the three major EI models:

The Encyclopedia of Applied Psychologywww.eiconsortium.org/reprints/bar-on_model_of_emotional-social_intelligence.htm