Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Praise

Dedication

Chapter 1: A Note from the Authors

First Things First

Chapter 2: A Roadmap for This Book

Self-Assessment

Your Now Steps

Chapter 3: Now What?

The Three Important Words

What Leadership Is

What Leadership Isn't

Five Keys to Your Successful Transition

Chapter 4: How to Get the Most from This Book

Some Thoughts on How to Read This Book

The Reticular Activating System

Part I: Succeeding in Your Transition to Leadership

Self-Assessment

Thoughts About This Transition (and Transitions in General)—From Others and Us

Chapter 5: Common Concerns About the Transition to Leadership

Chapter 6: Improving Your Results by Understanding Some Critical Components of Your Leadership Role

Some Critical Components of Your Leadership Role

Chapter 7: Confronting Important Changes You Face as a New Leader

Role Changes

Relationship Changes

Chapter 8: Your Unseen Impact as a Leader and Why You Should Understand It

Chapter 9: Why You Must Give Up Control to Gain Influence

Empowerment and Delegation

Chapter 10: How to Use the Power of Expectations for Greater Results

The Pygmalion Effect: Why Your Expectations of Others Matter

The Galatea Effect: Why People's Expectations of Themselves Matter

Part II: Change

Self-Assessment

Thoughts About Change—From Others and Us

Chapter 11: Before We Go Too Far, or the Nature of Change

Change Is Emotional

Change Is Situational

The Leadership Implications

Chapter 12: If Change Is a Choice, How Do We Decide?

Reasons People Give for Not Changing

The Four Categories: The Components of a Choice to Change

Exploring the Four Components of Change

Chapter 13: How to Diagnose Why People Won't Change

Beyond Diagnosis

Chapter 14: Why All Change Isn't Created Equal, but the Principles Still Apply

Your Own Changes

Now, Those Special Cases

Chapter 15: How to Communicate Change Most Effectively

“Sell” Individuals

Help People Take Ownership

Let People in on Your Process

Call It a Journey

Ask Questions

Sell Small—Build a New Status Quo

Ask Questions

Give It Words

Celebrate Progress

Take Responsibility

Chapter 16: But What About Resistance?

Part III: Communication

Self-Assessment

Thoughts About Effective Communication—From Others and Us

Chapter 17: Why You Need a Communication Model

Chapter 18: Using the DISC Model of Human Behavior to Understand People

A Brief History

The Model Defined

Behavior Style Blends

Chapter 19: How You Can Connect and Communicate Better with People

Connecting and Communicating with Different People

Chapter 20: Beyond Behavior—Using the DISC Model to Understand What Motivates People

Chapter 21: The Nuts and Bolts of Communicating with Each Style

Your Now Steps

Chapter 22: How to Make Your Communication More Powerful, Persuasive, and Memorable

Speak with People and Not to Them

Speak with People the Way That They Want to Be Spoken With

Demonstrate Unqualified Respect

Speak About What You Want Rather Than What You Don't Want

Use And More Than But

Tell Them, Give Them “What's in It for Them”

Engage Them in the Conversation by Listening to Their Responses

Chapter 23: The Other Side of Communication—Becoming a Better Listener

Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

Be Quiet—Externally and Internally

Let Them Finish Their Thoughts

Stop All Other Activities

Look Like You Are Listening

Ask Questions to Ensure That You Understand

Chapter 24: Your Kick Start to Winning Presentations

Use Purposeful Stories

Simplify Statistics and Data to Make Them Memorable

Show Less PowerPoint, More You

Make It Personal

Close Strong

Call to Action

Part IV: Coaching

Self-Assessment

Thoughts About Coaching—From Others and Us

Chapter 25: Coaching—The ABCs of Coaching Success

A: Accountability

B: Belief

C: Conversation

Chapter 26: Feedback—The Heart of All Coaching

Three Sources of Feedback

Four Types of Feedback

Chapter 27: How to Use the Four Types of Feedback

Not One, But All

A Caution About Negative Feedforward

Use (Much) More Positive

Arguments for and Against More Positive Feedback (and Feedforward)

Chapter 28: How to Give Feedback

Honest, Genuine, Sincere

Specific

Balanced and Complete

Constructive, Helpful

In Context

With Clear Intention

With Data

Focused on Behaviors

From the Accepted Perspective

Physical Environment

Timing

How to Receive Feedback

Chapter 29: Performance Evaluations in the Real World

Six Keys to Making Performance Reviews Work for You

Some Final Notes

Chapter 30: How Do You Show Your Support?

Ten Supportive Behaviors

Chapter 31: A Practical Coaching Model to Help You Succeed as a Coach

About the Model

About the Steps

More on How to Use the Model

Part V: Collaboration

Self-Assessment

Thoughts About Collaboration and Teamwork—From Others and Us

Chapter 32: How You Can Apply the Seven Keys to Better Meetings

The Seven Keys to Better Meetings

The Role of the Team Leader in Meetings

Chapter 33: Understanding What Happens When Groups Become Teams

Chapter 34: How Teams Develop and How You Can Help Them

Forming: The Transition from Individual to Group

Storming: The First Signs of Conflict

Norming: The Cohesiveness Begins, and More Teamwork Starts Happening

Performing: The Goal!

Chapter 35: How You Can Achieve Greater Team Success

Chapter 36: Speaking of Conflict

How Do We Define Conflict and Conflict Resolution?

Chapter 37: Common Conflict Questions and Their Answers

Is Conflict Bad?

Why Does Conflict Happen?

Why Do Conflicts Escalate?

Chapter 38: Using a Process—The Five Ds of Workplace Conflict Resolution

The Five Ds

Chapter 39: The Seven Deadly Sins of Conflict Resolution and How to Avoid Them

Talking About the Past

Trying to “Fix” Emotions

Trying to Rush the Resolution Conversation

Blaming Others

Trying to Justify Behaviors

Refusing to Apologize

Refusing to Forgive

Chapter 40: Applying Assertive Communication Techniques

Some Rules of Assertive Communication

Part VI: Commitment to Success

Self-Assessment

Thoughts About Goals and Success—From Others and Us

Chapter 41: Are Goals Really That Important?

Seven Reasons You Need Goals

Chapter 42: Goal Success Starts with You

Seven Reasons People Don't Set Goals

Chapter 43: Beyond SMART—The Keys to Goal Setting

Nine Keys to Better Goal Setting

Chapter 44: How to Set Goals with Others

Four Reasons to Set Team Goals Collaboratively

Creating Ownership of Goals

Chapter 45: What Is the Right Attitude to Support Goal Achievement?

Steps to Develop the Right Attitude

Chapter 46: Moving from Goal Setting to Goal Getting

Leadership Steps for Goal Achievement

A Final Thought

References

Acknowledgments

About the Authors

The Kevin Eikenberry Group

How We Can Help

Bud to Boss

The Bud to Boss™ Workshop—Coming to a City Near You!

The Insider

Special Offer for Readers of From Bud to Boss!

Remarkable Leadership Learning System

The Remarkable Leadership Learning System

Index

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Copyright © 2011 by Kevin Eikenberry and Guy Harris. All rights reserved.

Published by Jossey-Bass

A Wiley Imprint

989 Market Street, San Francisco, CA 94103-1741—www.josseybass.com

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Bud to Boss™ workshops are a registered trademark of Briefings Media Group, LLC.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Eikenberry, Kevin, 1962-

From bud to boss : secrets to a successful transition to remarkable leadership / Kevin Eikenberry, Guy Harris.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-470-89155-1 (cloth); 978-0-470-94389-2 (ebk); 978-0-470-94390-8 (ebk)

1. Leadership. 2. Supervision. 3. Management. I. Harris, Guy, 1962- II. Title.

HD57.7.E38 2011

658.4'092—dc22

2010042996

More Praise for From Bud to Boss

“From Bud to Boss will help new leaders gain insight into the challenges ahead, develop the tools to master those challenges, and embrace the next rung on the career ladder with confidence.”

—Jen Wilson, SPHR, VP, Human Resources & Loss Control, Great Lakes Energy

“There are few things in life as vital as making a healthy transition into a leadership role. Whether at home, work, or church, each of us will be called to a task that is beyond our intellect and ability. When backing away and cowering in fear is not an option, I recommend From Bud to Boss. Kevin and Guy have the rare gift of being comprehensive as well as conversational. They have produced a book that functions like a toolbox. You'll go back to it again and again as you face the complications and opportunities of daily leadership.”

—Aaron Brockett, lead pastor, Traders Point Christian Church, Indianapolis, IN

“From Bud to Boss is the single most comprehensive book you can find on making the challenging transition from doing the work yourself to getting the work done through others. It is an indispensible guide and gift for how to achieve immediate and ongoing success in the messy, complex world of leadership.”

—Vicki Halsey, Ph.D., vice president of applied learning, The Ken Blanchard Companies

“While other books might toss around words such as ‘leadership’ and ‘potential,’ this one actually brings them to life in a powerful and actionable way. As remarkable leaders in their own lives, Kevin and Guy show us all how to become more successfully engaged in our work and in our lives.”

—Sally Hogshead, speaker, and author of FASCINATE

“Finally, a focus on the career transition that can make or break a new supervisor (and their entire team). Kevin and Guy offer practical how-to's for every worker who suddenly sees the Supervisor title on the door. I've already told my clients that this is on the way!”

—Steve Roesler, principal and founder, Roesler Consulting Group

“If you just got promoted, you owe Kevin Eikenberry and Guy Harris a great big thank you! Going from Bud to Boss is one of life's toughest transitions. This encouraging but realistic book will tell you what to expect and help you survive the trials and seize the opportunities that will come your way. It's a must-read for new bosses.”

—Wally Bock, author of Performance Talk: The One-on-One Part of Leadership; writer of the Three Star Leadership Blog

“From Bud to Boss is a compassionate book that will help two kinds of people. Those who are about to transition to a leadership role can learn how to grow into leadership, and those who are already in a leadership role can help others grow into one. Bravo!”

—Rajesh Setty, entrepreneur, author, and speaker—rajeshsetty.com/blog

“From Bud to Boss works for you like a wonderful coach. It is with you every step of your way to success, challenging you to think and take action, giving great advice when you need it, and most importantly, encouraging and supporting you to make sure you get there.”

—Heli Jarvelin, solution-focused coach and entrepreneur

“From Bud to Boss is like a bible for new managers. This remarkable book is like an inoculation against the Peter Principle—absorb the powerful lessons in this book and you will never be promoted to a level of incompetence. I just wish the authors had written it thirty years ago so I could have had it when I began my management career.”

—Joe Tye, CEO, Values Coach Inc.; author of All Hands on Deck: 8 Essential Lessons for Building a Culture of Ownership

“If you have become a boss or are thinking about becoming a boss, do yourself a huge favor and read this book. With its combination of practical advice and self-assessments, you will gain insights into your management style that will help you lead more effectively. I would also recommend this book to bosses who are grooming their successors. Don't wait until you promote, start the management development process now. From Bud to Boss can be a practical jump start to your step into management.”

—John Baldoni, internationally recognized leadership development consultant and coach; author of Lead by Example and Lead Your Boss

“From Bud to Boss is a realistic and easy read. It felt like I was reading my autobiography and reviews from early in my career.”

—Tom Butera, plant manager and senior business leader

“Just the sort of guide that anyone needs when making the transition to a leadership role. I wish I'd had it early in my career! The ideas, skills, and commitments you will find in this book are appropriate for anyone who is stepping into a leadership role, whether they are just starting or have been at it for many years. What you will learn here are life lessons more than job lessons.”

—Jeff Evans, Ph.D., CEO of Envision Global Leadership

“I started reviewing From Bud to Boss at the same time I was reviewing student forum posts in which they were required to analyze a challenging leadership situation in their own lives. One student described exactly the situation this book addresses. I told her that a new book would be coming out soon that would be of tremendous value to her. Great stuff!”

—Kelly Trusty, director, Master of Science in Leadership Program, Trine University

Kevin—For Parker and Kelsey, who have taught me as much about leadership as anyone else.

Guy—For Mac Harris, who set a leadership example for me, and for Sandra, who helps me become a better leader every day.

Chapter 1

A Note from the Authors

Congratulations!

You are now the supervisor. The manager. The foreman. The boss.

Your role has changed and you are being asked to be a leader.

There is no better word to say than “Congratulations!”

You've probably heard it already. People have shaken your hand, patted you on the back, and told you “good luck.” This book is about what comes after those predictable responses. But we are getting ahead of ourselves.…

First Things First

There is plenty of time for us to talk about your next steps; discuss how to get better; answer all your questions; allay all of your fears; reduce your anxiety; build your confidence; and generally help you make a successful transition to supervision, management, leadership. But first you need to take a deep breath…

Relax…and claim the congratulations!

Chances are you fall into one of several groups right now.

• The “I've been planning for (expecting) this for a long time” group
• The “I really didn't expect this” group
• The “I'm not really sure I wanted this” group
• The “I thought they'd give it to John” group

Whichever group you fall into, and whatever you are feeling now, you need to recognize that someone felt you could succeed in this new role. Quiet the voice of self-doubt that says things like, “They only picked me because no one else would take it,” or similar thoughts. Your organization picked you because they believe you can succeed. They definitely want (and need) you to succeed.

Before we get into all of the specific principles, techniques, and ideas, we need to talk about you and your belief in yourself.

• Someone (or many people) think you can succeed—or you would not have the new role.
• Those who care most about you think you can succeed—and if you aren't sure, just ask them.
• We believe you can succeed—because we believe that anyone can bring his or her unique strengths to the role and be successful.

Isn't it great that others believe in you?

Yes, it is.

But it is more important that you believe in your ability to succeed.

So when we say congratulations, we are saying: congratulations on the opportunity to use your skills and experience as a starting point on your path toward becoming a remarkable supervisor/manager/leader.

You are embarking on perhaps the toughest professional transition you will ever make. Going from being an individual contributor to being the leader, especially when those you are now leading are your former peers (and perhaps your friends) is tough. Although we hope you are excited by this challenge (and if you aren't you will be by the time you are done with this book), it isn't going to be easy.

And since it isn't going to be easy, it is extremely important that you bolster your belief in yourself.

However you feel about what is in front of you, remember that your confidence in your ability to succeed is important. We aren't talking about an outward “of-course-I'm-a-rock-star” bravado, but a quiet, modest belief that while you may not get it right the first time, or every time, over time you can and will become a very successful (we'd say remarkable) supervisor/manager/leader.

The two most important building blocks for your success in the transition from Bud to Boss are the desire to succeed and the belief that you can succeed.

If you are reading these words we assume that you have a desire.

Having a belief and a confidence that you can be successful is just as important. We promise to do everything we can both inside and outside the confines of this book to build your skills and your confidence, but in the end you must own this belief.

And you must start now.

If your confidence and belief are a bit weak now, relax. And if you feel good about your prospects and your confidence is higher, smile.

Either way, rest assured that if you engage with us in the pages that follow, you will make a successful transition, and you will be on a path toward being a remarkable leader.

So congratulations on what has gotten you here.

And congratulations in advance for where you are going.

We are glad to join you on your journey.

Chapter 2

A Roadmap for This Book

One of the many things we as authors have in common is a love and appreciation for roadmaps. Although both of us are pretty tech-savvy—we are aware of and owners of many of the latest gadgets—neither of us owns a GPS. Both of us have early memories of reading maps, and by the time we took geography in school we already knew what the various markings, codes, and symbols meant. From an early age, we have both liked maps and what we can learn from them.

This book is like a roadmap—a roadmap guiding you to your future as a remarkable leader. As such, like any good roadmap, it has some symbols and conventions that make it easier to read and that direct you to important and useful points of reference and destinations. The rest of this brief chapter is like the key to your roadmap.

Self-Assessment

At the start of each of the six parts of the book that follow we have included a brief self-assessment. Each assessment is meant to help you gauge your current skills to help you focus better on each individual chapter. We encourage you to invest the time in doing these assessments as you come to them. They will inform your reading, will aid your learning, and can serve as benchmarks for you to go back to later to see how much you have improved.

When you see this icon, we are pointing out a key principle for all of us as leaders. In many cases, these principles move beyond leadership to human nature and life in general. They are principles that support the text around them. When you think about and use them, they will serve as a guide to you in navigating the complex waters of leadership for the rest of your career.

Consider this icon as the little pot of gold on a treasure map. Although neither of us has ever owned a map with one of these symbols on it, now you do. Each time you see this icon in the book, we are offering you some treasure: a checklist, a tool, greater depth on a subject, and more. Consider these Bonus Bytes as additional resources to help you deepen your understanding and accelerate your growth and development as a leader. None will be academic or theoretical in nature. All will be practical and immediately useful.

You can get these Bonus Bytes at the free, online Bud to Boss Community. Go to www.BudToBossCommunity.com/join-now and complete the brief and easy form on that page to join the community. After you join, you can log in for access to all of the Bonus Bytes and many other leadership resources. Since it is a community site, you will be able to interact with us, other leadership experts, and other people like yourself who are also making the transition from Bud to Boss.

Once logged in, you can find the Bonus Bytes by clicking on the Bonus Bytes link in the navigation bar at the top of each page.

Note: The keywords we use throughout the book will be the names on the buttons on the Bonus Bytes page in the community, and they will be organized by the six parts of the book to make it easy for you to find them.

Your Now Steps

The material in this book, although we hope it is easy to read and at least mildly entertaining, is of no value until you use it. As trainers and facilitators of learning, as well as practicing leaders, we designed this book to help you take action on what you are learning. While we realize what actions you take (including continuing to read) are in your control, not ours (more on this in Chapter Nine), we know that we can influence them. Providing these practical steps at the end of nearly every chapter is our way of encouraging you, urging you, and, we hope, influencing you to use what is in this book. Each of these sets of steps includes things that you can apply immediately to improve your skills and results.

Chapter 3

Now What?

Imagine entering a room that is familiar to you, but you are having trouble getting around in it because the lights are out. It is completely dark. If you have found yourself in that situation, chances are that you wished you had a flashlight to help you.

If you had that flashlight, it would make getting around the room easier, faster, safer, and more comfortable. Wouldn't it?

As a new supervisor, you are likely to find yourself in similar surroundings. Perhaps you are still coming to the same place and interacting with the same people as you had before your promotion. The room might be the same, but we bet it feels a bit like that dark room. It is a familiar place but dark and hard to navigate.

Consider this book to be your flashlight.

We will illuminate the most important things you need to make the transition. We will shine the light on important principles, actions, and outcomes that will make your work much clearer.

As you move through the book it is our goal that the room becomes lighter and stays that way! This illumination will allow you to move about the “room” of your new job more effectively.

By the end of the book, you will have more than just a narrow view from the flashlight, you will gain a clear and focused view of both your role and how to operate in this room. And, just like when walking around a well-lit room, your work will become safer, a little bit easier, and a whole lot more productive.

We close this chapter with the key things we recommend that you do during your first month as a leader (or the next month) to set you up for the best possible success in your new role. But before we get to those ideas, let us share some thoughts about three important words. By the time you read the few hundred words that follow, you will have a much better sense of who we are and what our beliefs are, and, perhaps most important, you will have a clearer view of you and your future in your new role.

The Three Important Words

Before we go any further we need to talk about three words that are important to this book—in fact, they are all in the title. It is important that you know why these words matter and why we have chosen them.

Boss

Although this word has a prominent place in the title of this book, we aren't big fans of it. Yes, it is what many of you are called. It is certainly how some will refer to you.

“Hi Boss.”

“This is Sandy, she's my boss.”

We recognize that it is common nomenclature, and that it makes for a lovely title for the book (alliteration is catchy and memorable). Yet we really don't like the word.

In fact, Kevin often finds himself going out of his way to correct people when they call him “the boss.”

Why don't we like it, and why has Kevin avoided it? Because we believe the word carries baggage and suggests some incorrect assumptions about your role and the expectations others have of that role.

Dictionary.com defines boss in these ways:

Controls, dominates, exercises authority, orders about, arrogant, domineering, authoritative.

These are not the ideas we promote, teach, and illuminate in this book.

Perhaps in your organization you are called the boss, the superintendent, shift supervisor, office manager, manager, or lead. All of these are titles, and all of them, in our view, are ultimately about leadership. That is why we choose not to use the word boss in this book. We call you a leader, because that is what you can and will be if you are as successful in your role as you and your organization want you to be.

The title From Bud to Boss sounds great (we think), and it gets our point across. But it is the promise of the subtitle that has informed and guided the writing of this book: Secrets to a Successful Transition to Remarkable Leadership. This book is about those secrets and helping you become the leader you were born (and selected!) to be.

Remarkable

The second important word in this book is remarkable. This book builds on the concepts, principles, and competencies of Kevin's earlier book, Remarkable Leadership: Unleashing Your Leadership Potential One Skill at a Time. The word remarkable, again according to Dictionary.com:

We believe that in your role you can be and should strive to become remarkable. Why wouldn't you want your results to be “worthy of notice or attention”? Why would you strive for less than extraordinary?

That is our goal for you, and we believe that you can be remarkable. You have it in your DNA to be a remarkable leader. It is our goal with this book to aid you in that lifelong journey.

Leader

The third word is leader. This is the root of the word in the book's title that we most love. To be consistent, let's look at the Dictionary.com definition of leader, too.

These definitions, while instructive, aren't as complete as we need for our purposes here. Instead, since we've told you we are going to call you, and think you are, a leader, let's talk about what leadership is and isn't.

What Leadership Is

Leadership is complex. In visiting with an experienced aerospace engineer (a.k.a. a rocket scientist), Kevin asked him which was more complex—rocket science or leadership. His response was swift and simple. He said:

We couldn't have said it better. Leadership isn't easy or simple. And, like rocket science, it is something that requires lots of study and practice to become skilled.

Let's take this point a little further. Two professors who make the study of complexity their life's work, Brenda Zimmerman of York University and Sholom Glouberman of the University of Toronto, think all problems can be defined as one of three types: simple, complicated, and complex.

By their definition, a simple problem is baking a batch of Grandma's sugar cookies—there is a recipe. When you follow the recipe, you will get predictable results. Complicated problems are more like the problems our aerospace engineer faces. When you break the larger task down, it becomes a series of simple problems, but, still, success isn't likely to be achieved alone—coordination, collaboration, and many other factors are at play. And throughout the process of solving a complicated problem there will be unanticipated situations. As our friend at NASA says, though, once we do the right calculations and make the right decisions, we will achieve success. And by the way, once you have solved one complicated problem—such as launching a rocket—successfully, it gets easier to do the next one, and the next one, and so on.

Contrast the complicated with the complex. By Zimmerman and Glouberman's definitions, the complex problem is one with multiple interdependencies where the rules and guidelines of the simple and complicated aren't enough. With complex situations, experience is valuable but never sufficient. The researchers liken a complex problem to that of raising a child. Equally apt is being a leader. What works once doesn't guarantee success the next time.

Before you throw up your hands in futility, though, recognize that children are successfully raised and people are successfully led. Although the problem is complex, you can do it.

Leadership is an action. Leadership is a thing, and certainly leaders are people; in other words, “They are the leaders.” Although from a dictionary perspective leadership and leader are nouns, we want you to think of them both as verbs (with apologies to Kevin's grandmother, who taught grammar in school).

Leadership is not really something that we have or possess; it is something that we do. When you think about leadership, think actions, think behaviors. It is with better actions and behaviors that we will gain better results. This book will help you think about leadership and take actions that help you lead.

Leadership is a responsibility. You've been placed in and accepted a formal role of leadership (regardless of your job title). By definition (and whether you know the extent of it or not) you have taken on a responsibility. It is easy to see that responsibility if you are a president, a CEO, or a business owner; as a reader of these words, you may not be in any of those roles. And still, the fact is every leadership role carries responsibility with it. People are looking to you. People are expecting things of you. If you are really leading, people are following you. You therefore have a responsibility for more than just yourself and your own results. Recognizing these responsibilities is one of the challenges of your new role. The sooner you recognize these responsibilities, the more quickly you will build comfort and confidence in your new role.

Leadership is an opportunity. Beyond your daily task responsibilities (and we realize you may be a working leader—with your own nonleadership tasks), you also, as a leader, have an opportunity to make a difference: for customers, for the organization, for those you lead, for the world at large. When you exhibit the behaviors of leadership, you are actively trying to create new results that will make a positive difference in the world. Few things in life hold greater opportunity than this.

What Leadership Isn't

We've talked about some of the things leadership is; now here are four things that leadership isn't. These are common misconceptions. As you move into your new role, it is important for you to think about these things, too.

Leadership isn't management. The skills of management are focused on things, processes, and procedures. The skills of leadership focus on people, vision, and development. Both are valuable skill sets, and in many cases we need to build both sets. But great leaders aren't necessarily great managers and vice versa.

There are leadership skills and there are management skills. The skill sets overlap, but they are not the same. When you realize the differences in the skill sets and focus on what your situation requires, you will be more successful. For the purposes of this book, we focus on the leadership skill set. Though, like Figure 3.1 suggests, some of what is included here helps with the management component of your job as well.

Leadership isn't a title or position. It is really this simple: you are a leader when people follow you. If they do you are, if they don't you aren't. Influencing the actions of others isn't guaranteed by your job title, the color of your desk, or the size of your office. A title that proclaims you a leader doesn't make you a leader any more than calling a lion a zebra creates black stripes. Too often, people in your situation assume that the title is enough to get other people to follow them. Don't make that same mistake. Always remember that leadership is about what you do, not the title on your business card.

Leadership isn't a power grab. Real leaders, though their actions may carry a great deal of influence and therefore a certain amount of power, are not driven by power alone. The opportunity to have power may be one of the things that led you to be interested in your new job (and if that isn't true for you it certainly is for many). But the behaviors that lead to others granting you “power” don't come from your wanting or expecting power. Your power or influence will come from a variety of factors based on your behaviors and values, not your position. While we will talk about this throughout the book, here is a principle to remember:

Leadership isn't a gift from birth. Leadership skills aren't doled out in the genetics of some while others are left wanting. All of us have a unique bundle of DNA that can allow us to become highly effective, even remarkable, leaders. Do some people have innate strengths that help them as leaders? Of course they do. And so do you—even if your strengths are different from the strengths of the people you thought about when we asked the question above.

None of that matters, though, if you don't use those strengths and do the things to improve in areas that are harder for you. Few things are sadder or more regrettable than unfulfilled potential. Leadership success is about learning and improving much more than genetics.

Five Keys to Your Successful Transition

Although the context we have just shared is critical, now it is time to get really practical. In order to be most successful in your new role, you must behave like, believe like, and build your skills like a leader. Though we wrote this book from the perspective that you are just joining the ranks of supervision and leadership, the advice that follows applies even if you are two years in and you feel like the transition isn't yet complete. Completing these steps will help you transition to your role most effectively, comfortably, and confidently.

Talk with Your Boss

Any successful transition will be most successful in partnership with your boss. You want to build a dialogue with her that gets her assistance in and commitment to your success. If she doesn't initiate it quickly, take responsibility for making that conversation happen. When you do this, several things happen:

• It shows your commitment. When you take the initiative and the responsibility for your successful transition, your boss will see that you want to be successful and are committed to that success.
• It elicits her support. Most any boss wants you to succeed, but some may not be thinking about how they can best help. Even if your boss has thought about how to help you, you are moving this issue up her priority list.
• It builds positive momentum. By beginning proactively, rather than going to your boss after you are stuck, you change the relationship dynamic and expectations entirely. You truly have the chance to build a partnership in success.

Once you have created this dialogue, what do you talk about? Consider questions in these areas to get started:

• Determine her expectations. Ask questions and get a complete understanding of her expectations. If something isn't written down, take responsibility for getting it written for clarity's sake.
• Get a common description of success. How would she describe success? What does it look like to her? Again, having it written is important.
• Talk about your role. Get a mutual agreement on paper that describes your role. A job description may be a jumping-off point for this discussion, but we rarely see job descriptions that outline roles completely in practical terms or clearly or personally enough to define success.

• Ask about her experience. Pick her brains for what she learned when she made the transition you are now making.
• Build a schedule for ongoing conversations. You will want her assistance in your transition. Asking for it up front improves the chances that you will both make time to do it.

Talk with Your Team

When you start in your new role, your team has all kinds of questions (whether or not they say them or you hear them). If you are moving into a leadership role after having been a peer, this step is especially important even though it would be valuable in any circumstances. By having this talk, you are setting the stage for an ongoing conversation, and you have the chance to set the tone. Hall of Fame basketball coach John Wooden had a talk he shared with his teams at the start of every season. As outlined in Wooden on Leadership, he talked about several factors, including

• Defining success
• Setting goals
• Defining control and influence
• Focusing on those things under the players' control

Although his situation was somewhat different in context, and he wasn't transitioning into leadership like you are, his process and messages should be very instructive for you. Here are some additional messages you will want to share.

• Acknowledge the transition. Let people know that things may seem a little weird to them—and tell people the change feels weird to you, too. (Be genuine here. Share how you are feeling and what you are thinking.)
• Talk about the changing relationships. Acknowledge that there will be changes. Share your hope that the changes can be positive, and recognize that the nature of the changes will be different for different people.
• Talk about your role. This should include your thoughts and your agreements with your boss. If you have the meeting with your team before the meeting with your boss, loop back to your team with a complete description of your role after speaking with your boss.
• Talk about your expectations of them. This requires that you think about these ahead of time—be prepared to share those expectations.
• Ask them their expectations of you. Ask, listen carefully to their responses, take notes, and clarify what they mean. Even if you might not be able to meet all of the expectations immediately, tell your team that you want to know all of them as a starting point. Save “negotiations” or adjustments to the list for a future conversation.
• Ask for their help and patience. Remember that just because you are now the leader doesn't mean you suddenly have all the answers! If you thought you did, you wouldn't be reading this book, would you?

You might not be able to accomplish all of these points in one conversation, and you might not initially get the kinds of open responses you are looking and hoping for. Don't despair; be patient and persistent in having these conversations with the team as a whole and with specific individuals as appropriate. There will be many things to talk with your team about in the future. The important point is that you get started!

Talk to Yourself

Now that you have this job, you need to give yourself some slack. Recognize that

• Your world is changing and you must change with it.
• You won't get it right the first time (or every time).
• You need to be patient with yourself.
• You can succeed.

Personal clarity about the transition and your belief in your ultimate success are as important as anything else on this list or in this book.

Determine Your Strengths

Coming into your new role, you have some skills and talents that will aid you in your success. It is very possible, however, that right now you are overwhelmed with thinking about all the changes, what you need to do, the questions you have, and more.

All of these changes can lead to feelings of inadequacy, fear, and frustration. When people are in this mental place, they are typically more focused on what they lack than on what they have. Do yourself a favor. Recognize your weaknesses and understand your strengths, too. If you don't know what your strengths are, or feel too buried to find them, there are several ways to determine them:

• Think about past successes. What have been the keys to your successes?
• Think about what others tell you. What things do people tell you that you do well? (Even if you dismiss them as easy or trivial.)
• Ask people what they think. Asking people who know you well, and support your success, will give you clues to your strengths.
• Consider a 360 assessment. A 360 assessment allows you to get anonymous feedback from the people around you—most tools allow you to get feedback from your boss(es), peers, those who work for you, and others (hence 360 degrees of feedback). This process can be very powerful and provide you with feedback and perspective that would be hard to gain otherwise. This step may not be the first thing you want to do (especially if you are a brand new leader), but putting it on your list sooner rather than later is a great idea.

• Make a list of strengths. As you gather feedback—however you do it—make a list of strengths.
• Refer to this list often. The list is only valuable when you remember its contents. Reviewing it regularly will boost your awareness and confidence.
• Balance your efforts. Spend at least as much time developing and using these strengths as you do trying to improve your weaknesses.

Build a Plan

The first four steps give you lots of fodder to build a plan. Think about what you have learned from the other four steps, then build a plan of action to improve, build, and grow. Remember that if you want to succeed in your role as a leader, you must take action. No action, no growth. This book can be a part of your plan, but remember that reading alone isn't enough.

Your Now Steps

The best way to get going now, regardless of how long you have been in your leadership role, is to take care of the items from this chapter.