About the author
Executive, career and lifestyle coach Caroline Cameron helps people create fulfilling careers, great lifestyles, success, happiness and wellbeing — whatever they define them to be.
A self-professed change-junkie whose experience has been honed by four lifestyle and multiple industry and career changes, Caroline has opted into and out of the corporate rat race in an exciting career spanning front-line to executive roles. She’s built her successful platform as a change agent from first-hand experience, professional coach training and extensive research.
A wearer of many hats, Caroline is a mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, professional coach, business consultant, facilitator, motivational speaker, author and business owner. She’s lived overseas, in the country and the city, experiencing the highs and lows of each. She’s studied the creative arts and business; been single, married and single again; and embraced the joys and challenges of sole parenthood.
From each of her life redesign experiences, she’s learnt many lessons, often the hard way. Always on the lookout for new ways to make change easy, when she learns something new she stores it away to share with her clients, often thinking, ‘If only I’d known that when I was … ’ Helping people from all round the world triumph over the challenges of change, she’s a lighthouse and safety net who supports, challenges, stretches and empowers you to create the future you want. Caroline is also the winner of the ANZI Coaching ‘Coach of the Year’ Award for 2011.
Caroline currently lives in Melbourne and is pursuing her next life redesign goal: to run her business from … anywhere!
Acknowledgements
When John Wiley & Sons first approached me to write this book, I had no idea what lay ahead. It has involved a challenging and rewarding leap outside my comfort zone and there are many people to acknowledge.
To Lucy, editor extraordinaire — my sincere thanks for believing in the concept right from the start. Your tireless support, ongoing encouragement and constructive suggestions have resulted in a much better book. Thank you to Katherine, Clare, Dani, Andrea and the rest of the Wiley team who have converted the possibility into a reality.
The case studies and personal stories are included thanks to the generosity of many clients, colleagues and friends. You continue to inspire me as you break through whatever is holding you back — you are the poster children for Gen E.
I have a newfound respect for the families and friends of authors! To my family and friends — thank you for your great ideas and tireless hours of proofreading. My mother Pam, the eternal optimist, has provided much of the wisdom you read here, as has my late father David. Together with the rest of my family, you are the bedrock of my great life and I am truly blessed. Special thanks to my daughter Laura, who read this book through the eyes of Gen Y and continues to give me fresh new perspectives on life.
Thank you Del — this book simply wouldn’t have happened without you. Your support, patience, great insight and friendship are a true gift. Final thanks to my loyal hounds, Sherry and Tiggy, who have lain at my feet, keeping me company through the months of research and writing.
You all make my life great and for that I am truly grateful.
Introduction
Will you look back on life and say, ‘I wish I had,’ or ‘I’m glad I did’?
Zig Ziglar
Are you at a crossroads in your life where you’re wondering what’s next? Maybe you’ve worked hard, gained a wide range of skills and experience but your job’s just not doing it for you. Perhaps you feel trapped by the hectic pace of juggling children with a full-on career, with too much to do and too little time. You may be burnt out by the demands of your job or facing the uncertainty of redundancy or retirement. Rest assured, your dilemma is common and this book will give you both the answers and a way forward.
Do any of these stories sound familiar?
‘You know, this isn’t what I really want to do,’ confessed James, glancing away as if sharing a guilty secret. One of his bank’s rising, high-potential stars, 36-year-old James was participating in a leadership development program that included detailed 360-degree feedback and behavioural profiling. According to all reports, he was a natural leader with great potential. As his executive coach, I was to help him map out a professional career path to fast-track his rise to the top.
James had been with the bank for seven years and risen quickly through the ranks. With a sharp intellect, great people skills and strong intuition, James was your classic corporate whiz kid. Unfortunately, he no longer wanted to climb the corporate ladder. To make matters worse, he and his wife Sally were becoming increasingly fed up with life in the city. ‘It’s manic. We’re always rushing to be somewhere else, the traffic’s claustrophobic and it is not the life we want for our kids,’ he lamented.
‘So ... what would a great life be for you?’ I gently asked. As if opening the flood gates, James shared his passion for wine. He became increasingly excited as he talked about his dream of owning a boutique winery. What’s more, his knowledge about wine was incredible. The country lifestyle appealed to him and he could describe his dream as if he was already living it. The only problem was that he thought he’d made his financial industry career bed and would have to sleep in it until he retired.
Meanwhile, Sarah, a 43-year-old senior partner with a large law firm, was also becoming increasingly disillusioned with the life she was living. Specialising in tax law, she was finding the work increasingly tedious and the office politics suffocating, and her boss was a bully. She was fed up with living out of a suitcase, spending more time in airports than at home and rarely seeing her family and friends. Even her fantastic pay packet no longer seemed sufficient compensation for the compromises she felt forced to make.
Dan, a 38-year-old data analyst, had decided to play it safe. Although a passionate and gifted musician, he didn’t have the confidence to follow his dream. He worked long hours in a stressful and tedious IT job. Although he had job security and the satisfaction of knowing he was supporting his family, he had significant regrets about choosing the safe option. Another 15 to 20 years of this? Was this really all his life would be?
At 53 Neville was staring straight down the barrel of a major life change he really wasn’t ready for — retirement. While his wife Mary was looking forward to moving to the coast to be near the grandchildren, he had absolutely no idea what he was going to do. His whole identity was tied up in his 30-year engineering career and most of his close friends were colleagues and customers. The thought of losing all that was familiar seemed scary and something he really wasn’t ready to deal with.
What each of these very different people shared was being wedged into the fast lane of 21st-century living, with seemingly no way out. Stressed, exhausted and unhappy, each seemed stuck in the life they had. Even if they had a dream of how else they could be living (if only it were possible), none of them could see how to make it happen. Life sucked and that was that.
Sadly, their stories are all too familiar. Through multiple careers and many years in the corporate rat race, I have come across many people in similar predicaments, and I’ve been there too.
My story
At 33 I was a single mum juggling a stressful corporate career, raising a 5-year-old daughter and adjusting to a whole new reality. My husband had seemingly traded me in for someone 13 years younger than me and I’d dived into a rebound relationship with a father of three boys. Within 18 months it was obvious that the Brady Bunch thing wasn’t for us. I decided we really were better off on our own. The future looked bleak with a hefty mortgage, ballet lessons, after-school care and years of private school fees to pay.
Yet I was determined to give my daughter the best upbringing possible, even if it meant stubbornly doing it all, solo. But guilt was a constant companion — if I was giving 150 per cent effort at work (as classic type A, high achievers do), I wanted far more to be with my beautiful little girl. When I was playing shops or at the park with her, my mind was constantly thinking about what I needed to get done at work, long-overdue calls to my family and what to cook for dinner.
With so many balls to keep in the air, I took on all the characteristics of a duck! I was gliding effortlessly along the top of the water, yet my feet were paddling manically beneath the surface. ‘Aren’t you amazing,’ colleagues would say, as I seemingly made it look easy. So long as I didn’t stop, I’d be fine — what a martyr! Truthfully, I felt like a small fishing boat being smashed against rocks in a storm. I just didn’t show it. Like all good consultants, I was applying the fake it till you make it approach to my life, which left me feeling like a fraud.
One dark, stormy night, inching along the clogged freeway, I pulled over and put my head on the steering wheel. As the relentless, torrential rain pounded the car, it felt like a metaphor for my life and I knew it had to change. I just wasn’t sure how.
Around the same time I was seeking ways to make change easier for my clients and stumbled across a coach-training course. I signed up to pick up a few tips and tricks, never expecting I’d use it to change my own life in the process. The difference it made to the way I thought and lived was profound. What I learnt helped me do a complete 180-degree turn. I changed beliefs and behaviours I had stoically held for years, long after they ceased to be useful. Most importantly, I ditched my martyr story!
When I asked myself better questions (included later in this book), new doors opened. Without changing where I lived or what I did for a living, life became immediately better. Previously stressful situations became easier and soon there were no problems that couldn’t be solved. The more I learnt and applied, the better life became, yet much of it was surprisingly simple. The many light-bulb insights I gained were often a case of the bleeding obvious, once I became aware of them. ‘If only I’d known that when I was …, I wouldn’t have needed to struggle nearly as much as I did,’ became a common thought.
After a year of intensive coach training, I realised this stuff was too powerful not to share. If I could change my crappy life to a great one just by changing some of my beliefs, thoughts and behaviours, then so could anyone. My executive, career and lifestyle-coaching company, Possibility to Reality, was born in 2005 and over the subsequent years I’ve been privileged to help many people create the future they want.
Now it’s your turn
The Great Life Redesign will help you to create the future you want. Whether it’s revamping the life you have or totally redesigning it to follow your dreams, there’s something here for you. If you are:
• bored with your job but not sure what you would like to do instead
• harbouring a dream of what you’d love to do, if only you knew how
• busy juggling commitments you seemingly cannot control (for example, raising young children or caring for ageing parents)
• stressed out by your job and lifestyle but too scared to change it
• going through a midlife crisis trying to recapture the freedom and thrill of years long gone
• facing retirement but not sure what’s next
… this book’s for you. Maybe you’re constantly struggling to achieve that elusive ‘work/life balance’ or have a growing sense that what you do for a job has little to do with who you really are. Do you feel like you’re flat out going nowhere, losing sight of what’s important, often without realising it? Perhaps you’re realising that circumstances (for example, events that have happened, job opportunities, money, your family or education) have determined how your life will be, rather than you choosing it. Regardless of the challenges you’re facing and the impact they are having on you, you’re not alone.
You only have to look around you to see how many people are discontented with their lives (let’s call them Gen D — but more about them later in the book). Many of my clients and friends have generously shared their own unique stories here so you can see how they’ve created their own great lives. Some names and places have been changed to respect their privacy but the stories are real and they’ve been where you are too.
So, now you know you’re not the only one, take a deep breath, find a peaceful, comfy place where you won’t be disturbed, relax and get reading.
What this book’s about
The Great Life Redesign will help you create a great life: it’s not only possible, it’s also quite straightforward. In Parts I and II you’ll discover and understand what’s causing your discontent (no, it’s not your fault); work out what to renovate in your current life and improve the life you have, right now. This is all about being truly happy and fulfilled, regardless of what’s going on around you.
Once you’ve righted the wrongs in your current life, you’ll be ready for bigger changes and new adventures. In Part III we explore what’s needed to make a significant life change, successfully. You’ll be crystal clear about what’s important to you and able to create a vision of what your great life will look like. In Part IV you’ll make it a reality.
Of course the ‘lived happily ever after’ ending is for movies and fiction and life will continue to throw you challenges. In Part V you’ll convert your new reality into your new normal to sustain your happiness and wellbeing into the next stage of your life.
What this book isn’t
By now, if you’re a realist, cynic or sceptic you might be about to put this book back on the shelf thinking, ‘this is another one of those airy-fairy, full-of-fluff, self-help books’. Please don’t, because it isn’t. Like you, I’ve read my fair share of lofty ‘how to be happy’ books, only to put them on my bookshelf thinking, ‘Well, that was great but so what? Good to know but nothing’s really changed.’ Many self-help books follow the ‘do everything I say and you’ll be happy’ formula, with sweeping promises. This isn’t one of those.
The Great Life Redesign will give you new ways to look at your life and practical, easy-to-use tools to change it, for the better. All of the insights, techniques and strategies have been used, fine-tuned and adapted over many years. Questions and exercises have been included to help you adapt the approach to suit you, regardless of your circumstances. These will show you how to consciously choose and take action — the vital ingredients to making change happen.
Bad stuff will still happen but so will good things — that’s life. However, by reading and applying what you learn here, you’ll have better ways to handle the tough times, enjoy the great times even more and have the ability to make the most of the limitless opportunities life has to offer.
How to use The Great Life Redesign
Being busy is an inherent characteristic of 21st-century living; in writing this book, I’m assuming you are too! You can dip into it, read and apply a new concept, put it down for a while and pick it up again later, when you have both the need and the time.
Or you can use it as a guidebook to give your life a total makeover. I have personally applied all the concepts you’re about to discover here to either shift my perspective on a challenging situation or totally change my life — something I’ve deliberately and successfully done several times.
However you choose to use it and whatever works for you is just fine. Like learning to drive a car, new ways of being, thinking and acting can feel a little strange and scary to start with. Simply notice how you’re feeling and commit to sticking with it, until it becomes second nature.
‘They’ say it takes 21 days to break a habit but I’ve never seen any proof of that. It will take however long you think it will take. Based on your motivation to change, the beliefs you adopt and actions you take, your life redesign is totally within your control. After all, only you can decide what a great life is and only you can make it happen.
We’re going to start with a simple question and delve deeper in each chapter to get the answers you need. Let’s get going — it’s time to hop into the driver’s seat of your life and discover new ways to live and enjoy it.