Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Introduction
THE COMMUNICATION STAIRCASE
IN THE BEGINNING IS YOUR WORD . . .
JILL’S PROFESSIONAL DESTINY?
CHAPTER 1 • STEP 1 - Intrapersonal Communication
SELF-SABOTAGE OR SELF-FULFILLMENT?
DISCIPLINE OF THE MIND
DIVE INTO YOUR LIFE!
WHERE DID THAT THOUGHT COME FROM?
CREATING OUR SELF-IMAGE AT WORK
GROWING UP “DIFFERENT”
WRITING A NEW SCRIPT
TAKING OWNERSHIP
JILL’S DAY
WAKING UP TO YOUR DAY!
CONQUERING THE FIRST STEP
FIRST THINGS FIRST!
CHAPTER 2 • STEP 2 - Nonverbal Communication
THE FUNCTIONS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
YOUR PROFESSIONAL APPEARANCE
YOUR PROFESSIONAL VOICE
ACTIONS DO SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
IT’S ABOUT TIME!
KEEP YOUR DISTANCE!
SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH
DO YOU SMELL SOMETHING?
CHAPTER 3 • STEP 3 - Interpersonal Communication
FIVE KEYS TO POSITIVE, HEALTHY WORK RELATIONSHIPS
INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT
SUPPORTIVE VERSUS DEFENSIVE COMMUNICATION
CHAPTER 4 • STEP 4 - Small-Group/ Organizational Communication
TO GROUP OR NOT TO GROUP. . . THAT IS THE QUESTION
JILL’S DAY
/VERSUS WE: THE CULTURAL PARADOX
CO-OPETITION MODEL OF ADVANCEMENT
MAKING ROOM FOR THE GROUP REALITY
LEADERSHIP COMMUNICATION
CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT
THE COMMUNICATION CLIMATE
SMALL-GROUP MEMBERSHIP AND FACILITATION
CHAPTER 5 • STEP 5 - Public Communication
THE COMMON DENOMINATOR
MOVING BEYOND THE FEAR!
COMMUNICATION APPREHENSION
CONFIDENCE AND COMPOSURE
YOUR LANGUAGE
DON’T MAKE EXCUSES
YOUR PUBLIC PRESENTATIONAL STYLE
YOU AND YOUR AUDIENCE
THE ART OF IMPROMPTU/CONVERSATIONAL SPEAKING
CHAPTER 6 • STEP 6 - Mass Communication
INFLUENCING THE MASSES
PERSUASION IS ABOUT PERSPECTIVE
ARE YOU A WALKING BILLBOARD?
PERSUASION AND THE WORLD OF WORK
JILL’S DAY
USING PERSUASION AS A TOOL OF INFLUENCE
AS SIMPLE AS ONE, TWO, THREE
PERSUASIVE MESSAGES AND YOU
CHAPTER 7 • STEP 7 - Intercultural Communication
WE CAN ALL GET ALONG!
WHAT MAKES US UNIQUE
WE ARE ALL PREJUDICED!
UNDERSTANDING PERCEPTION
CULTURE AND VALUES THAT IMPACT THE WORKPLACE
NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION IS CULTURALLY BOUND
GLOBAL COMMUNITY
DIVERSITY AND THE WORKPLACE
THE “OTHER” IN THE WORKPLACE
JILL’S DAY
INCLUSION IN THE WORKPLACE
BECOMING A CROSS-CULTURAL BRIDGE THROUGH CULTURAL COMPETENCY
EPILOGUE
Index
Dedicated to NJ, who gave me the grace and courage to stand alone, but made the choice to stand beside me to speak and live truth in the WORD.
Foreword
Les Brown
I firmly believe you have to accept yourself before others can accept you. The fact that myself and so many others have come to know, appreciate, and respect Pamela Perkins says a lot about her self-acceptance. And why wouldn’t she esteem such confidence and self-assurance? With such an impressive background of intrapersonal, interpersonal, nonverbal, and intercultural communication practices—spanning a 20-year period—she is certainly a living example of the greatness she teaches others to achieve.
Pamela’s belief that “the universe is an equal opportunity employer, giving us all the exact same vocation—to create our lives” is my sentiment as well. But even though we all contain that same breath of creative energy, each and every one of us is infused with our own unique gift. After watching the creative energy of Pamela on the set of the motivational film, Pass It On—in which we were both featured—I must conclude that she is truly operating within her gift.
Any person who is determined to take control of his or her professional and personal success will greatly benefit from the teachings in
The Art and Science of Communication: Tools for Effective Communication in the Workplace. One revelation featured in the book, Pamela’s
Communication Staircase®, will surely awaken you to your ability to effectively use communication as your primary tool of purposeful action! Workplace communication
Les Brown is a world-renowned motivational speaker. As a best-selling author, his books include Live Your Dreams, It’s Not Over Until You Win, and Up Thoughts for Down Times. Visit www.lesbrown.com.
is one of the most difficult abilities to master, yet Pamela offers you the formula for success! It’s truly an art
and a science!
So what are you waiting for? Dive right in, devour these pages thoroughly and thoughtfully, and take control of the daily communication experiences that affect your relationships, career, and family, as well as every aspect of your personal, social, and professional well-being!
Acknowledgments
My deepest gratitude to:
Betty Perkins Jones, my mother, my hero, my friend and my father, Palmer L. Perkins, Jr., who always found a way and consistently shared the blessed assurance that I had the strength to follow my heart;
Bernell Jones, a true educator, still doing the shot-gun and out dancing us all in the dance of life;
Lisa Hagan, my agent, and our friend Jim Jermanok, who both believed in the power of communication to change lives and my ability to be the channel;
To my loving siblings, Beverly, Natalie, Jackie, Palmer, Tony, and Stephanie, who still believe in dreams coming true;
Tresa, Sheri, and Cathy, whose support kept us afloat when the ship took on water;
Shad and Iain, true friends closer than a brother;
M&Y, R&J, M&C, A&RK, K&S, the family who came to the rescue and stayed;
Edward T. Hall, cultural anthropologist, who encouraged me to help “free my people”;
The Speech Communication departments that nurtured me along the way including Molly V. and Hope S., whose spirits keep the dream alive;
Mother Billie Marrs, who never abandoned her love or faith in me;
Big brother Nathan and big sister Peyton, whose zest for life gives me hope;
Tim and Tadhi and the determination to Stand-in-Truth; The Pass It On family for welcoming me into the movement to keep Passing It On;
ByteAll Media Inc., joining me for the next phase of this incredible adventure;
Mama Clara and the spirit of all my ancestors who believed in the power of the word to free their minds, bodies, and spirits;
And foremost, to the Christ within that gives me the strength and courage to serve and be the change I want to see.
For many years, I shielded and guarded my gift and understanding of the power of words behind the safety of academic walls. Semester after semester, I was challenged to come out of hiding to build the entity that became the inspiration for the completion of this book, the Human Communication Institute. Adults and youth consistently asked why they were never taught the important nature and tools of communicating and listening and felt if they had, their marriages, careers, children, and communities would be so much better off. Groups, organizations, and businesses came forward to inquire and understand the art and science of communication as the primary tool of organizational effectiveness. What you are about to read is the understanding, wisdom, art, and science of hundreds of teachers, theorists, students, and colleagues who shared, nurtured, and challenged my understanding of this powerful human gift. Their teachings have become my life. I pray that I have represented them well and I give credit where credit is due—the gift of the WORD, our power of creation, and the major tool to a better career, a better life, a better world.
Finally, I acknowledge the readers who have the courage to join me on this journey and use the power of the Communication Staircase Model to create the life they were born to live!
Introduction
It’s time for a conversation, a conversation about communication. This is your new and personal guide to communication success in the workplace. You are about to have a different experience regarding words and their impact on you in the workplace and in your life. This conversation offers instructional support and encouragement as it introduces the daily communication processes we experience in organizational settings and show their interrelationship to one another. The Communication Staircase Model is the key to understanding your ability to take decisive and deliberate action. When we use communication as our primary tool of purposeful action, we can accomplish our personal and professional goals.
Through our words, we are individually creating our personal movie called LIFE. Communication is the common denominator of self-empowerment that every human being shares, regardless of race, class, gender, socioeconomic level, or environmental circumstances. There are few things in life we can say everyone (barring physiological circumstances) is equally endowed with, but the universal gift of thought and communication is one of them—the endowment of human reasoning and language. It is an amazing ability, one we take for granted but still the most powerful resource we have.
Communication is synonymous with creation for humans.
Do you recognize the remarkable way words connect and disconnect us, especially in the business setting? Communication is the foundation of all behavior. ASC is a guide to help you understand the conscious connection between your communication and productivity. We communicate with one another by way of behavior. In defining communication, we should understand that communication is experienced whenever meaning is attributed to current or past behavior. Read this again carefully and understand the connection between how people relate to you and your behavior. Too often we think of communication as just words. Communication happens intentionally or unintentionally. Much of the “unintentional” communication transpires under the guise of nonverbal communication. However, we must learn that all effective communication happens only when intentional and that it is a behavioral science! Sociology, psychology, and cultural anthropology all have as their foundation the manner in which humans interact with themselves, one another, and their environments. Communication as a behavioral science transpires in a variety of arenas throughout our daily work experience. This guide is designed to bring these experiences together in a manner that clearly crystallizes and connects each occurrence. Each step builds upon another, empowering one another. We can no longer afford to leave the daily events of our lives, the workplace, or the planet, to continuously flowing verbal garbage. Millions are leading this life, a life where thoughts and words carelessly broadcasted create personal, professional, and collective chaos and misery.
We must realize the need to be responsible for the words that create our lives and ripple out to touch others. Human communication is socialization, the primary tool of enculturation. It is the framework under which we experience one another and the reality in which we individually and collectively live. This framework takes shape in the day-to-day contact we have with each other in our various daily communication activities, such as participating in the workplace.
THE COMMUNICATION STAIRCASE
Visualize a staircase that you must ascend several times a day. When you climb the staircase, you take one step at a time. When you try to double up or even triple up because you are in a hurry, you run the risk of slipping, tripping, or even falling. This is the way communication works. You are not effective on (or within) the third, fifth, or seventh step (or setting) if you don’t take one step at a time with the awareness AND skill necessary for that step! Each step is crucial to the next. Each step has its own plateau, offers its own set of rules as well as its own challenges and potential for success. You build upon one step at a time to get to the top.
Did you notice from the diagram that each step exists during the course of your professional day, without exception? You awake and start your day with Intrapersonal messages setting the tone for the rest of your day. This step offers insight and tools into you as a communicator and the manner in which behavioral communication impacts your daily success. You take you wherever you go! The Nonverbal step helps you assess how you communicate with others using behavior that people see and feel more than they hear. Your Interpersonal Communication skills will soar with knowledge of the seven basic ingredients and the keys to effective listening. Your Small-Group experiences define your productivity at work by your ability to speak comfortably and competently with and in front of your coworkers. Public Presentation becomes a tool of advancement once you find your voice. Our awareness of the power and manipulation of Persuasive messages makes us better informed consumers and employees. Acquiring the skills that each preceding step offers allows any individual the capability to engage in Intercultural Communication comfortably and effectively with others in the organization with different perspectives. Each step builds upon the other, providing step-specific tools that enhance each communication arena. These are the same communication arenas you experience in your personal life and the same tools that will create personal success and happiness.
IN THE BEGINNING IS YOUR WORD . . .
Communication is an inside-out process whose effects expand like a ripple in a pool of water. We are all familiar with the shortcuts in life and those who take them. Where do most of those people end up? Back at the bottom step, even if they enjoyed a modicum of success at the top. Staying power comes from mastering the right steps, generally in the right order. Communication is rule governed, and the usage and creative manipulation of these rules largely depends on the type of communication and the setting in which it takes place. The Art and Science of Communication: Tools for Effective Communication in the Workplace will introduce the Communication Staircase, the tools and skills needed to create positive change in your professional career! It’s time to take control of the daily communication experiences that affect your relationships, career, family, and every aspect of your personal, social, and professional well-being.
The greatest tool we all possess is the ability to think and speak the positive outcomes we want to see in life. Our words are the brushes we use to create life.
Why do most people think the way they do?
Because of the examples around them that become their storehouse of knowledge.
Are most people responsible for what they think?
Not when they are only spouting other people’s stuff.
Most people are unaware that what they are speaking is just a replay of something they have been taught to think, right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy.
Why do most people appear to be living an unfulfilling life?
Most people perpetuate the same communication cycles they have been taught and thus keep re-creating other people’s lives.
We spend our entire waking and sleeping existence engaged in some form of communication. During the process of communication, we are informing, persuading, or entertaining. We go back and forth between these three forms of expression all day long in the workplace. Many don’t realize that they primarily engage in only two forms of communication: informing and persuading. These forums of communication are rule governed. We witness these rules being applied in theories of management, marketing strategies, formal communications, and business networking. Depending on a complex set of preexisting rules of governance, we may or may not be successful each and every time. For most it’s like playing the lottery: sometimes you win, but mostly you lose. Despite the fact that communication is rule governed, its successful application is completely personal. Understand, before you begin the thought that manifests into the word, the rules governing the listener, the setting, and other communication components are already present and working in the organizational environment. You bring your perspective to the mix and it becomes your movie creation. With this conversation, we are going to discuss your personal movie about work. Let’s talk about a friend of mine, someone I’ll call Jill. Her story offers a lens to observe the various settings interacting with one another as she calls them to life throughout her day.
Jill’s day shares with us an employee’s delicate balancing act of thoughts, words, and performance as she navigates the communication climate on her job. Her experiences climbing the Communication Staircase can offer insight into how easy it is to create and materialize the effects of our thoughts and words. Observe the beginning and progression of her day observing a few exchanges she has with herself and others.
Situation #1: Jill’s First Thoughts in the Morning
Beep! Beep! Beep! What? What? Oh no! Get up! Damn, I can’t be late today. I wish I had gone to the cleaners yesterday! Now what am I going to wear? TWENTY MINUTES!!!
And so starts Jill’s day, or your day. It’s a day that starts too often on the wrong foot. This is what the proverbial statement “getting up on the wrong side of the bed” means. Do these thoughts, words impact Jill’s day? As her early morning continues ...
Situation #2: Workplace Parking Lot
I hope I don’t run into Richard this morning. I can’t take his patronizing tone. It’s as if all women are beneath him. He always shakes my hand like a wet fish! And every time he comes near me, that cologne! Yuck! I’m just gonna ignore him. Why does the division planning meeting have to be today of all days? I hate speaking in front of this group!
Notice the spiral of attraction. This attitude/energy/attraction followed her to the workplace. Now she is projecting through her thoughts and words how she feels.
Situation #3: Going into the Afternoon Division Meeting
I wish I had worn something else today. This blouse is too tight. Why didn’t I go to the cleaners? I know they are going to all notice it when I speak this afternoon. God, why is everything so complicated? Man, I wish people would pull their weight. “Listen guys, we have got to get this together. Let’s make a decision. No need to discuss who did what now!”
As we become convinced of our own lack of importance, competence, or worth, it becomes harder to communicate with others we might unknowingly put on a pedestal above ourselves. It becomes difficult to respond to spur-of-the-moment opportunities for self-expression.
Situation #4: Company Lunchroom
Oh, there she is again, Emiko. She is so together. She always has so much to contribute in the meetings. I should go over and introduce myself. Nah, I don’t want to disturb her lunch. She probably wants to chill. I am sure she is tired of Americans always invading her space with “what is your background” questions.
Jill’s cross-cultural experiences are jaded by her own inner conflict and lack of self-confidence.
Situation #5: Talking with Team Member at Meeting
“Oh, hey, David. Yeah, good to see you too. Things are going great! Uh, well, uh, OK, see you at the meeting.” Oh my God! What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t I say something? There was my chance!
Jill is a prime example of how many of us just can’t seem to find the right words at the right time.
Situation #6: At Jill’s Desk
I can’t believe this is happening! Stephanie being replaced? A new tracking system?! Why didn’t I know about this? They can’t just do this. There is nothing wrong with the old system. They are not going to get me to buy into this one! Why are they always trying to act busy fixing things that aren’t broken?
Depending on the attitude of your target audience at any moment, the receptivity to your message is going to be affected.
Situation #7: The End of Another Work Day
This day can’t be over soon enough. I’m so tired of this! Jill’s day ends as it began, full of frustration.
JILL’S PROFESSIONAL DESTINY?
There is a self-defeating energy striving to rule your day by distracting you from asking the right questions, thinking the right thoughts, and speaking the right words. What do I mean by “right”? That which is done with positive intention. The enemy? The nemesis in the greatest battle ever waged against humankind ? Do you know the villain? The casualties of this war are far greater than ALL wars ever waged rolled up in one! That’s right, the destruction of untold millions. Who is the enemy? Our own thoughts and words!
By our words we create “strange new worlds and boldly go where no man has gone before,” as our friends on Star Trek remind us. By our words we create heaven and hell right here on earth. Critical thinking is the finding, interpreting, integrating, and evaluation of information. You are being invited to share in the critical thinking processes that will empower your professional life with the greatest tool you have—communication! Believe it! To truly realize the incredible significance of “In the beginning was the Word” you have to understand that it is YOUR WORD you are beginning with, every moment of every day! After absorbing and applying the skills in this guide, Jill and millions like her—people looking to make their professional lives into an experience worth living—will come to understand that, even if it doesn’t solve everything, communication IS everything. We can experience healthy, productive, satisfying workplace environments. Take control and let’s start with you.
Let the Conversation Begin!
CHAPTER 1 • STEP 1
Intrapersonal Communication
You Take You Wherever You Go
—P.S. Perkins
Give me a chance, Mr. Markham. I know I can lead the team. I ran this office for five years! Can’t you see through Jim? What’s wrong with you? It’s my turn. You can’t give it to him! It’s my promotion. Mine! Mine!”
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Now you’re awake and it was just a bad dream. Or was it? You’re about to start your day and you had a fretful night. You’re about to place your feet solidly back into the world. But wait. Before you do, are you sure you’re awake? Yes, I know your eyes are open and you feel your heart beating. You’re breathing, and you can probably feel the blood coursing through your veins if you’re quiet enough. But are you awake? What about that dream? What a way to start the very day you’re looking forward to your promotion. Let me give you a suggestion for getting back on the right track: Eat first, and then get out of bed. Yes, you read me right: eat first. We all understand breakfast is the most important meal of the day. We understand that we are what we eat. Many people are dedicated to starting their workday with the right kind of physical fuel to take them where they want to go. But what about their mental fuel? In the waking hours, just before you begin your workday, what kind of mental fuel do you feed yourself? It matters because this nourishment prepares you to handle the mental challenges of your day—personally, socially, and professionally.
“You are what you think” is the awareness and practice of the role thoughts fulfill in the moment-to-moment experiences of your life. Those moments begin over and over, begin with each waking breath as you move deliberately into consciousness. Your thoughts are the seeds that germinate the actions you will perform throughout your workday. What actions are you ready to perform today? It all depends on what thoughts you begin with every morning. Remember the expression “getting up on the wrong side of the bed”? We understand that this does not refer to a literal side of your physical bed! It is a metaphor for beginning your day with negative thoughts. And it’s really true. If you wake up with negative thoughts and don’t replace them immediately, you tend to carry those same negative thoughts and feelings around with you all day long. Ponder this—when have you had a bad start and been able to totally set it aside and perform your work duties without any mental or physical distractions? Chances are you took those same thoughts and emotions with you to the office and faked and/or fought your way through the day. You take you with you. You walked that attitude right into the office!
SELF-SABOTAGE OR SELF-FULFILLMENT?
The first step in achieving success in professional pursuits is mental preparation! We positively create our lives or we sabotage our lives. Most of us have associated sabotage with the act of undermining or backstabbing someone else. Truth sets you free—most individuals do more to undermine themselves than the combined efforts of everyone around them. The true sabotage lies within communication with oneself, in thoughts and words.
No one can think or speak to create your life for you!
Just as no one takes your place at work physically, no one can go to work for you mentally. That would be like asking a friend to eat your dinner and expecting you will be the one satisfied! The key is to arrive to work in a mental state you can positively thrive in. How can you use your thoughts to create the work environment you desire to prosper in?
DISCIPLINE OF THE MIND
The French philosopher Descartes was quoted as saying, “Except our own thoughts, there is nothing absolutely in our power.” It is this power of thought that introduces the first step of the Communication Staircase. Intrapersonal Communication is the communication you have with yourself about yourself and others. It shares the inner workings of your mind with yourself. How often would you say you engage in mental chatter during the day? You talk to yourself more than you talk to anyone else. The important point is how you talk to yourself—what you say to yourself verbally and nonverbally.
Sizing up your internal communication is the first step, the basis of all other communication experiences within your work environment. It requires a lot of critical thought and awareness. When an individual pays serious attention to the daily conversations he has with himself, and critically examines the quality of experiences springing forth from these self-talks, he will be able to control more positively the materialization of the experiences around him. I use this word “materialization” literally. With our words we materialize the actions and events of our daily lives. You are either your greatest ally or your greatest adversary. We are all given the same empty screen as we start the movie of life. Then that screen fills with images and messages from our internal selves materializing into our external surroundings, including work. This ability to create our own movie, our own lives, is the gift and power shared by all humans.
The universe is an equal opportunity employer giving each human the same vocation—to create their lives!
Our thoughts and words are the tools of creation, our pens and brushes. The process of creation is based on the same pattern of materialization shared by all species of creation. Specific conditions encourage creation. Seed + nutrient = tree. It is the same as Thought + word = action (or results). We create our lives with the brushstrokes of our thoughts and words! The Human Communication Cocreation Theory proposes that Conscious thoughts + words + feelings → subconscious = materialization of life. The purpose of the subconscious is to accept something as true, then create it. That’s why feelings play an important role. They generally do not lie. This knowledge is important to experiencing the type of work environment you are thriving in. The environment starts within you. Many of us can immediately identify our work environments as either positive or negative. But do you realize those labels come from inside you? Too often we look at either of these realms as being simply the result of someone else’s actions or responsibility—our bosses, employees, coworkers, management. Not true. Your life starts and ends with you. Do others play a role in the environmental attitude? Of course they do, but only to the extent that you allow them. And yes, sometimes the organizational environment can be so toxic that the decision before you is whether to stay and tough it out or walk away and create a new situation. But before you throw in the towel, take a look at what you are adding to the communication environment of the organization.
DIVE INTO YOUR LIFE!
Think of your life as a lake, a body of confined water. That which holds the lake in place—its banks, sediment, rocks, plants—represents your physical being, the body. The water in the lake represents your mind, your thoughts, the essence of your intellect or spirit that has no boundaries. Somehow the water, the internal you, continues to add to itself without ever overflowing its boundaries.
If I or someone else decided to fish in your lake on any given day at any given moment, what would we catch? Casting a rod into the depths of your mind would pull up what type of thoughts? When you go fishing into your own thoughts, second by second, what do you dredge up? How do you see yourself? What value do you place on yourself in comparison to others? Do you appreciate your coworkers? Do you respect your boss? Are you experiencing professional fulfillment at work?
Inside your lake are all the experiences and memories of your life. It is where you hold your values, attitudes, and beliefs. It is what houses that first birthday you remember, or your first kiss. It is that day at the park, or that first job and first promotion. It is also where you store the first harsh words you heard, the job you lost, emotional and physical abuse you suffered, the torment of bullies at school, the realization of unfairness, the desire for acceptance, and the negative feelings of unrealized expectations. All the contents add up to the image you have of yourself. When you go fishing, which experiences are most likely to be reeled in? Probably those tied to your deepest desires or fears, the ones that have the greatest impact on how you see yourself. It is these experiences that create the image you call you. Your self-esteem (how you feel about yourself) and your self-worth (the value you place on yourself in comparison to others) come from the depth of these waters. Most of us can honestly say we do not have the cleanest, most pristine body of mental thoughts to fish from (see Figure 1.1).
Figure 1.1 How Clean Is Your Lake?
Your workplace personality is the mirror image of your self-image. It determines how you act in front of your coworkers and how you thrive and compete in the organizational culture.
Your thoughts shape your self-image.
WHERE DID THAT THOUGHT COME FROM?
When we communicate with others, we are bringing forth from our minds (our lakes) the reality created by us or for us, one that may be very different than the reality the coworker/listener is operating in. Think of the words in your vocabulary. Where did they come from? Who do they belong to? You? What if I told you that you do not own any words! None of the words you present with authority belong to you, nor were they devised by your incredible imaginations. When you were born, you were given a platter of words meant to define your specific circumstances of birth: male, female, black, white, cute, ugly, rich, poor, privileged, untouchable, and so on. As you moved through life, in and out of experiences, relationships, jobs, careers, you amassed more and more words and labels, claiming and accepting them as your own. Did you choose these words, these labels? No, you did not, but you did quickly agree and conform to them. We all did. We did not understand that, from the beginning of the process of enculturation, we had a choice. The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis (named for Benjamin L. Whorf and Edward Sapir) is a linguistic “mould theory” that seeks to explain the impact of language on the individual, and how this impact, though very personal, is a shared experience for all humankind. In essence it states that language equals social reality. The words you use, most of them added to the language before you were born, have been assigned to you to define and determine how you should see and experience life (see Figure 1.2).
For example, think about the many Inuit words for snow versus the absence of the same word/phenomenon in the world of the Maasai tribe of Kenya. Different realities create different degrees of relevance for different words. What type of reality do your words come from? What words have been assigned to you in the workplace: boss, supervisor, worker, CEO, janitor, secretary? What adjectives: smart, clever, persistent or lazy, dull?
Figure 1.2 Your Words Served Up!
CREATING OUR SELF-IMAGE AT WORK
I remember an interview on Larry King Live in 1999 with the successful magicians and illusionists Siegfried and Roy. They were both discussing their childhood and their later ascent to fame. Siegfried talked about how his big break came after he left home. Apparently, his childhood was filled with negative mirror messages—the messages we receive about ourselves from others—and very little positive attention from his father. He said it was not until he was a very successful illusionist that his father ever really talked with him or acknowledged any aspect of his worth. Siegfried shared how troubling this was for him as a young man. His story is not unlike the story of millions who possess the residue of negative messages they have floating in their lake. The messages are the material we use to create our self-image and self-worth. However, a fortunate few break through the cycle of negativity and create new agreements in their lives. This is what Siegfried had to do, to break free of the thoughts, words, memories that might have kept him from realizing his full potential and his unique gift, the career of a lifetime.
Think about the attention paid to personal image and how we are programmed (especially by Western culture) to be very image conscious. The perception of beauty is often narrowly defined, and we all dream of looking like a fashion model or fitness expert. Day in and day out, we are inundated with the pictures of the “preferable” images of beauty, the ones that equate with success and acceptability. Watching this, what type of messages must we be dredging from our lakes on a daily basis?
Ever wonder what your colleagues think about your looks, your dress, and other appearance factors? How about when you have to address an audience? How much of stage fright is precipitated by your concerns over what others will think about you and especially how you look? Be honest. So many individuals in the organizational environment sabotage themselves from the inside out. Daily, I consult with business professionals who block, stall, or lose opportunities within their organizations due to poor self-image and the fear or inability to effectively communicate their abilities. This is a major problem for many individuals climbing the corporate ladder. They think about themselves and see themselves in a manner that does not foster professional success. Take for instance the societal phenomenon in which everyone compares herself to everyone else—social comparison. How does the cultural norm of social comparisons affect the work environment?
Many of us remember the sociocultural phrase “keeping up with the Joneses.” You know the Joneses, the successful family that lives on the top of the hill in the big white house, with the picket fence and two-car garage—Lexus and BMW inside—and the 2.5 kids. Think about how the cultural value of individualism, with the resultant competition,protects