„In one single person I can have a man as well as a woman. That is… perfect!“
Jean Paul Gaultier
„girls game“ – my astounding journey into the female world
english edition
Copyright © 2012 by Gatzanis Verlag
(Gatzanis GmbH), Stuttgart
author: Bernd Bitzer
images: Claus Rudolph, Stuttgart
layout: Studio GOOD, Berlin
set & proofreading: PRESSEBÜRO BITZER
The use of the text and photos, is in any way without the consent of the publisher violation of copyright laws. This also applies to reproductions, translations, microfilming and processing with electronic systems.
ISBN 3-932855-42-6
Change of perspective
When the first astronauts could see planet earth from a perspective never experienced before, it was a great shock to many.
Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon, felt “tiny and small” when he could completely cover planet earth with his thumb nail. “I never looked at the world again as I had before.”
And maybe we need this perspective of an “extraterrestrial” in order for us to experience our own, all too familiar surroundings with totally different and new eyes.
Here is the astonishing voyage into a world unknown to many – the world of women.
For men definitely unknown, and for women often so day-to-day - this journey will offer a totally new change of perspective, and many chances to have lots of fun and many new possibilities.
Here it is. Enjoy!
Surely, I had planned my march behind the enemy lines with great intensity. The thing you do when you had once been trained as a journalist and inquiries are a part of your daily fast-food. Read books. Browsed the internet. Asked experts for information. “No idea what they are really doing…” Don’t know, never really understood it.” “Costs a fortune and last time I did not even notice it.” Obviously a far from simple topic.
Well, let’s now allow the opposite side to speak: “My husband has no clue as to what I do for him…” or: “Men are simply not interested in such things.” Often enough: “My boyfriend will never really grasp what I think and need. Let alone understand.”
Is it really that bad?
Do men and women live in such different worlds that mutual understanding seems impossible? Could something crucial be changed if we had deeper insights into this unknown world? Well yes, maybe. But how can we discover unknown worlds? Quite true… just like Marco Polo, Columbus or Captain Kirk: Man on an expedition. Fearless. Brave. Inexorable.
Luckily, I had no clue what was going to happen to me.
To not make any mistakes. To not stumble into the surely existing, numerous behavioral traps on foreign ground like a dumb tourist. I needed a travel guide, a kind of scout. Smart, experienced, familiar with all subtleties. More than just a woman… a “womanwoman” so to speak. A lesbian. And in the net of unlimited possibilities I had found their central office immediately.
My very first visit to the “women’s project center” in the neighboring town. A total premiere. There, I meet a few, instantly very nervous lesbians in the almost empty, somehow not very femininely-comfortable building. Noticeably frightened when seeing the tall intruder in black who is so unexpectedly friendly. And even more frightened when confronted with the question if, on this day, the topic was possibly going to be “trans-sexuality”, as announced in the internet?
Oh no, no, a relaxed quiz night was on the program that night, due to a lack of participants. But even that quiz night was, unfortunately, only for women. With another flickering side-glance at my long black coat, black jeans and and my very erect 194 male centimeters.
And then, almost coy, “Well, if only you looked more like a woman, well then, maybe…”
At first, I am baffled, then amused. So only a question of appearance after all?
I move up a gear, take out my big black wallet and place some of my most beautiful pictures of my “other appearance” on the coffee table. The hallway guard, who in comparison looks very, very masculine, gives me an unbelieving upward glance: “Uhhhhhh, yesss, well, the person in charge is unfortunately not here tonight and therefore, well, then, yes, no…”
I save her and the situation, and with my deepest and most charming voice, I ask for the email address of the person in charge, which she scribbles down onto a slip of paper in shivery letters. With a hearty “Thank you” and my friendliest smile I leave the hideaway up to the girls.
Firm departure.
Smirking.
In a way it is human … why should one “fringe group” have more understanding for another “fringe group”? Even if this group does not look like one sofar…
Would be nice, if it was that way. But for the time being, I feel quite sobered.
I had expected something else. But I’m not sure… what?
After the courier had delivered two enormous packages this time, and therefore needed another helper (well, he looked like a very young man, presumably his son, who wore the company’s badge like an Olympic gold medal around his neck and left it up to his Dad to drag along all the heavy packages), a very special holiday has again arrived: unpacking, trying on, combining, head-shaking, packing it again. Or … storing the new treasures enthusiastically in my closet.
Somehow, diverse service providers have quickly gotten used to the new name that I enter self-confidently on all my orders. As long as my male “I” pays the horrendous bills virtuously, obviously not a problem. Though I gradually will have to apply the brakes. At some point of time, the many places before the decimal point will also surely exceed my male limits of tolerance.
But for now it is like Christmas and Easter all at once. Gorgeous booties, a wonderful red designer dress from France, fluffy knitted sweaters in gray-mélange, silky underwear in large quantities, colorful scarfs in all remaining colors of this world… an exhilarating shopping frenzy! - delirium! Sweeping feelings of happiness!
Spitefully, all the selection-of-sample shoes fit perfectly, as if made for me, the fast comparisons with my quickly filling wardrobe bring out unexpected combinations, one belt all of a sudden fits the dark-brown leather bag that I had only ordered on sale or return, the wondersoft pullover feels so extremely comfortable that I do not want to take it off anymore and thus, within minutes, my almost empty closet changes into a complex and very crowded closet.
This means: More room! My suits – frightened - close ranks. What a start…
And doesn’t stop here at all. I had overlooked my new shoe cabinet already filled to bursting. But only for a short amount of time. Cause every buy triggers another one immediately. Extremely interesting connection. This mini-dress has to go with a certain predestined pair of boots in that undescribable mudstone – that I surprisingly found in the city center – in my exact size!
Un-believ-able! Got to have it!
Now I would give my soul for a perfectly matching belt. But the nerve-racking search has already lasted for weeks…
Well, did I already tell you about my wonderful bag? Without which life doesn’t make much sense? That I just had to have?
I will some time later – now I quickly have to run off. Just gotten a hint from a girl-friend of mine, a new shop in town where she just saw something that looked approximately like, well, like what exactly?
By and by, I have found an explanation for many a dark circle around the eyes.
And it surely was no eye-shadow.
There is one thing that makes my profession really special. Regarding prestige, it has quite regularly ranked on the very last position in comparison to doctors or garbage collectors. However, it offers unlimited, sometimes even quite valuable insights.
Oh well, one could say the same about surgeons after a rakish use of the scalpel or about professional disposers at the sight of many a dump of opulence – but journalists are the first who stick their nose into it. Into everything. They follow the scent. Explore the last angle of oftentimes inconvenient truths. Penetrate the Impenetrable to the utmost.
Fearless. Brave.
Well, you get the idea…