edition lichtland
© 2011 Birgit Medele
edition Lichtland
Stadtplatz 4, 94078 Freyung
Deutschland
Gestaltung: Edith Döringer
Satz: Hermann Schoyerer
Umschlagfoto: iStock.com/vithib
ISBN: 978-3-942509-24-4
eISBN: 978-3-942509-85-5
www.lichtland.eu
An initiation
into the art of letting go
Clear your Clutter
Manifest
your Dreams
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank:
My husband, the love of my life
Our wonderful children
My parents, siblings and friends
All those who contributed their experiences, questions and insights (thanks Christine)
My editor Lilias Martin and the publishing team at Lichtland
All those who inspire me through the way they live/d
Life itself
Preface
I Clearing as personal development
II Why we find it difficult to let go
Suppress emotions
Feign security
Create identity
Do the ‘right’ thing
Act out inner rebellion
Keep options open
III Clearing as an art of living
Bye bye prejudice
Letting go without regret
Make those decisions
Take responsibility
Appreciate our unique journey
Energy management as self-management
The art of accepting
Refurbish relationships
The art of letting be
Setting boundaries
Become aware
Clarity and vision
Equanimity
Intuition
Patience and self-discipline
IV Clearing secrets revealed: where to start and how not to stop!
Fine feathers make fine birds
Conquering the paper mountains
The desk reborn as an oasis of calm
V Mental Clutter
Thoughts that take us round in circles
Time management – the end of a myth
Putting off procrastination – once and for all!
Multi-tasking – the end of another myth
Electronic clutter
VI Emotional Clutter
Pointless feelings
Patent remedies
VII Staying afloat
The art of not-buying
Clutter hide-and-seek
Living life to the full
Bonus track
The Feng Shui Bagua
Dear reader,
Cupboards crammed, desk piled high, head bursting? You are not alone. On average we own about 10,000 things, most of which we never use. This stuff quite literally burdens us. The good news there is a cure for wanting to buy ever more objects to clog up our home and life. Decluttering lightens our load, being organised is the most underrated shortcut to happiness. “Yes, I know”, you are mumbling now. “But somehow I never get round to making a start. Or I stop, exhausted and overwhelmed, after about five and a half minutes.” Why? The answer is hidden in the realms of energy.
You know how decluttering works, in theory. You do not need a book to tell you how to organise your cutlery drawer. What you are after is the motivation to get going and here is what you were waiting for: a written pep talk! Clear your Clutter brings you an energy supply vast enough to see you through the first half hour of decluttering and then the next and the next. A practical guide that throws open a few cabinet doors; takes a closer look at the stuff that drops onto our head and examines the symptoms of our passion for collecting. What are we trying to store in our drawers, shelves and boxes? Joy, laughter, adventures, inner peace? Often we resort to hoarding stuff in order to get closer to life itself.
Clutter clearing is never about things. It is not about time either, this fleeting something that comes dressed up in hours and minutes and never hangs around long enough to give us a chance to clear the decks. Clearing is not even about struggling with the memories related to our every thing. It is all about energy. Clinging to objects when we can no longer offer them a meaningful life is draining. We banish them to linger in the nirvana that is spare rooms and loft spaces, waiting for a brighter future, the redemption day of decision-making that never comes. Not for them, not for us.
Being disorganised throws us off balance and turns us into one of those absent-minded, lethargic beings we were determined never ever to end up as. Owning too much exhausts. It distracts from mapping out the next goal, from finding meaning in being.
Why can we not let go? Let’s explore the contents of kitchen cupboards and under-bed storage and find out what our stuff is all about. We are fed up with choosing all the time; between 15 varieties of jams and conditioners and customised coffee – grande skinny decaf double shot anyone? We need a break from having to get it right, forever forced to filter relevant data from the dross. It is tiring to worry about missing out, to live in fear of making a wrong decision – should I have chosen strawberry flavour instead?
This book volunteers as a companion for navigating the contemporary information-overload-jungle we tend to get ourselves lost in. It digs out the signposts that have been overgrown by piles and gigawatts at some remote point in time. It maps out a path off the beaten track, away from the superfluous towards the truly good stuff, the deep-down desires that got buried underneath our lovely clutter a long time ago.
You might have put off the odd clearing project. “I’m going to sort through the attic, the sock drawer, the paperwork as soon as I find the time.” Yeah, right! Does this sound familiar? We will never make time as long as we continue to misconceive decluttering as a drag. Why not give the good old clearout a break, have another look and discover its inherent beauty. Clearing is so full of promise, all glittering and sparkling on the inside; no exception here, the inner qualities are those that count. Let’s do it justice at last and rebrand organising as a master class in life skills, an archaeological expedition of a different kind that entices us along on a journey. Instead of digging through pyramids we delve into our own history which is just as exciting and nerve-wracking. We lay bare our past, get back to our roots, while working our way through harmless enough looking stacks of paper. Memories and feelings come flooding in. Clearing is a stripping away of the inessential that helps us cut through the excess to the emotions and desires buried underneath. Assisted by long forgotten possessions, we get acquainted with ourselves all over again. Objects serve as witnesses and we are the leading star in a detective story, trying to establish how that magic flame inside got suffocated by the clutter gang.
Decluttering is not about getting rid of everything. It is about sorting through belongings to achieve a more comprehensive understanding of ourselves. What feels good, what feels right, what has become a burden?
Clutter clearing is more holistic than yoga and meditation put together and the most powerful Feng Shui tool you could wish for. We can while away the hours rehanging mirrors and programming crystals or simply shrink our To-do-list. Hearts and minds clear and open up in an environment that feels spacious, bright and airy.
Getting organised is personal development. It is a journey towards more energy, clarity and joy. Make it into a game, go through closets, chitchat and certificates, unburdening on all levels. Chuck the freed up boxes into the river of life, hop onto the makeshift dingy, set sail and take off towards the next laugh, the next discovery!
Clearing frees up emotional space, it allows for filling this very moment with as much joy as we can cram into it. It transforms us and our surroundings. We stop drifting, break free from the golden cage that our home has become and turn it into the mast of a yacht. Pointless routines go overboard, anchors aweigh, hold on tight and off into an effervescent, raffish life that does not use up all available energy to just, somehow, get through yet another day. Instead we are cruising along with abundant vitality supplies, enough to care about ourselves and others. It brings within reach a life that allows for lighting up eyes. For a moment. For a day. Forever!
In the unlikely case that this has yet to convince you – you are still reading, or are you already furiously busy sorting things out? – just think of decluttering as shopping in reverse! Items found by my clients include cash, crates of wine, jewellery, antique coins, birth certificates, gift coupons and parking vouchers, art materials, stamps and stationery, long lost contact details. You name it, they found it. You too can discover tons of things you forgot you had, imagine the joy: all this new stuff, without spending a penny. Who would want to go shopping if they could get digging?
Our surroundings drain or recharge us. How can you spot a feel-good oasis? It reflects who you are, is easy to maintain and supports you in your priorities. If your home or work environments do not meet those criteria at the moment –so much the better. The tiniest positive change in our living space has a direct impact on our life. It feels so wonderful to let go of excess stuff because the purification on the outside also frees the self. Decluttering is a holistic detox.
Welcome to the magical world of the clearout, the Sesame-open into a wonderful lightness of being.
What is the most thrilling thing about things?
Their stories. Every single item tells a unique tale of memories, plans, hopes or dreams. We use objects as props in the theatre of our life. When the stage gets too crammed, performers find it increasingly difficult to manoeuvre. No plot can unfold if the actors keep tripping over random stuff. The art of living is about keeping only those props around us that assist us in reaching our goals. If we never clear the stage, we will find ourselves rehashing outdated plays and ancient dramas over and over. The present literally needs space to unfold; scope for meaningful growth and progression.
Imagine you are the director in charge of putting on a new play: a brand new phase of your life; another crisp, unique, as yet untouched morning. What if you have to work on a stage that still features every single prop of all past shows? What are your chances of creating something new? If we apply that analogy to our home or workplace, how much future can we fit in? Any evidence of the present? Everything crammed to the hilts with the past? Inherited furniture, pictures, vases, presents, cards and souvenirs of the last decades; baby pictures of the children who moved out a long time ago. Homes have a tendency to turn into museums over time. Before we know it, we live in a sarcophagus, an archive, a storage unit of times gone by. If we have just celebrated our 98th birthday and love sitting down in an armchair to look at gently yellowing photo albums, this does not bother us at all. However, if we are still full of plans and beans and have a few years left to reach that age, the stagnation manifested in our museum surroundings does not help.
Tackling the problem zones gets trickier over time. We are energetically connected to our home. Congestion on the level of objects mirrors an overall energy blockage. Matter vibrates, as the physicists explain. We are flickering on and off fast enough to be able to lounge on moving atoms, blissfully unaware of the micro-particles zooming around that happen to form a sofa for us at this point in time. Intuitively however, we do register these vibes. It is no coincidence that we instantly feel upbeat or at peace on entering a building or room; that we enjoy staying in certain spaces. Good vibrations. Elsewhere we would rather turn on our heel and walk out again. Every object has an impact on our heart and soul. If we surround ourselves with things that have a joyful vibration, the environment feels like that – swinging, come rain or shine.
When does an object have joyful vibrations? When it is loved and used. A book was born to be read. Banned on a shelf to collect dust, dog-eared and lonely, it is as good as dead and emits sad ‘nobody loves me’ frequencies, turning the corner from book to burden before our very eyes. Enter the secret daydreams of gentle burglar fairies that would flutter past to lighten our load, clear out the wardrobe, relieve us of the dreaded decision making and gift us with a fresh start and the insurance money. Expats have admitted to hopes that their overseas container would miraculously disappear and sink into the remotest depths of the oceans. For the same reason the thought of a holiday appeals, preferably far away. All we have to drag with us are two (or five) suitcases, the responsibility for the rest of our stuff stays at home.
Less is more has become a cliché, a retailers’ mantra to make us buy their storage ‘solutions’. It still rings true though because objects can be demanding. They hurl themselves at us in a never-ending chorus of silent requests. “Look at me. Carry me back to where I live. Oh, actually, I don’t have a permanent residence yet. Can’t you allocate me one, right now? Please? And then tidy me away? Organise me. Notice me. Enjoy me! Alright then, at least put me out of sight somewhere.” Things are begging for attention, relentlessly. They want to be listened to, leafed through or, even worse, read properly. They need dusting, washing and ironing, folding, wrapping, unwrapping. They want to be carried upstairs and then downstairs again. Protected from cold, heat and moths and stored in a cool dry place. Admired, handled and sorted, ideally alphabetically. Cleaned, glued back together, sewn on, rearranged, filed, fixed, dusted, donated. Constantly they come up with new ideas. “Find me. Shred me. Didn’t you mean to sell me? I am past my use by date, dispose of me – in an ethically responsible, environmentally friendly and politically correct way, of course. Have you put me on the insurance, by the way?” Their never-ending nagging unnerves us. We are trying hard not to listen. Very hard. And on they go. “Buy more boxes, baskets, filing cabinets for us, another chest of drawers would come in handy or how about a trunk? Don’t forget to rent additional storage space and protect us with a safe and burglar alarm. Why not leave the car in the rain and let us live in the garage?” Finally they urge us to build an extension or move to a bigger place. “We need more space.” They put us through the paces, not a moment’s rest or relaxation until they have been dealt with. “No time right now, later,” we sigh, rushing on. The sheer presence of unwanted objects is exhausting because we never seem to be able to cater to their infinite needs. One client summed it up brilliantly, “They just sit there and look at you accusingly.”
Less is more. Our stuff, however, could not care less about this truism and continues to multiply. Somehow word must have got out that we loved cats and before long we are inundated with kittens in every conceivable shape and form: ornaments, mugs, wall calendars and kitchen towels, pens, mousemats, the works. They move in without a rental contract and then miraculously manage to resist eviction. We are just sitting there, minding our own business and then the mail comes in, the bargains and special offers and all those bothersome bits and pieces that require us to make decisions about them. We do not feel like making a decision at the moment, tomorrow we will take action on the annoying flatmates that take over more and more of our precious space. For now we could do with a rest, thank you very much. Meanwhile the relentless piles turn into mini-mountains, get banished into storage boxes while more unwanted stuff creeps in. The spare room fills up, space is running out in both loft and garage and we never seem to get round to doing that car boot sale...
Clutter is everything we do not use or love and anything unfinished. It can be a piece of paper that is past its useful-by date or a habit that we have outgrown. Clutter is stuck energy that makes us prisoners of the past and blocks good new things from coming into our lives.
We are connected to everything we own. Welded to it, hardwired through invisible energy spaghetti no matter where on the globe we deposit our stuff. We are dragging every single teaspoon with us wherever we go, every spare nail, screw, pencil stub and paper clip. The entire contents of shed and loft are connected to us on an energy level. We lug them around, soundlessly clanking and rattling with every motion. As long as the spaghetti strings are attached in a somewhat organised way we are still able to move. The more we get entangled, the more exhausting it becomes to negotiate the next 48 hours. The following exercise illustrates this.
Briefly close your eyes and connect to your bed. In your mind, try to locate the latest electricity bill, the door keys, a pair of scissors, a piece of string. Finding your bed was straightforward enough, you knew exactly where it was. Locating the other items was probably slightly more interesting as you had to mentally hunt around until you managed to track them down. The longer it takes to make a connection, the more muddled up the energy-spaghetti. The longer our to-do list, the more challenging it becomes to wade through the morning into the afternoon. It feels so good to devise an organising system or get something done because we do not have to invest energy into constant unravelling. We can head straight towards our goals instead of having to negotiate homemade hurdles.
Decluttering has been getting a bad rap as allegedly one of the most unglamorous, some even say boring activities going. Think again. The most fascinating philosophical and psychological concepts are right in there, take your pick. Which life skill would you like to test drive first: learn to say no, develop your intuition, become more patient? Withdraw into the cosy, securely limited space of a cardboard box and start to practice the big stuff: dealing with transience and death, growth and new beginnings... Explore your wellbeing, your life, your journey through clearing out your clutter. How does that sound? Life coaches charge for their services, boxes never do!
Here is a story for you. A tourist on a walking holiday had been looking forward to a guided tour through a mountain monastery. Now the big moment has come. She tiptoes into the cell of a monk and looks around for a while. “May I ask you something?” The monk smiles “Of course.” – “Where are all your things?” The reply is a counter question. “May I ask you something?” – “Go ahead.” – “Where are all your belongings?” “Well, I’m obviously just travelling through here?”
You can guess the reply.
Clearing checks us out of the ‘Apathy Inn’. We get to unearth unexploited potential under layers of stuff; scramble over the props and head for the truly fascinating territory that unfolds behind the scenes. Crack open the first box to embark on a journey of self-discovery towards a creative life full of drive and enthusiasm.
Clutter clearing is an exploration where we encounter the psychology of why we find it hard to throw stuff out. Coming up: a selection of possible reasons for a refusal to let go – some might be familiar, others will not tick any of your boxes. Have fun digging!
Chaos theory is not a theory, it manifests as everyday experience. Our things lead lives of their own, gallivanting all over the place, driving us mad with their unsettledness. Instead of staying put on the desk, paper starts trekking through the house to grow roots in the most ridiculous places. After a frantic game of hide and seek, we track the bill down: it had gone underground in a shoe box in the kitchen cupboard. Magazines, books and toys for all ages multiply over night. Getting the wardrobe doors to shut is a workout far superior to any gym session and by the time we successfully prise them open again, we do not fancy wearing any of the stuff crammed in there.
Organised clutter lovers take pride in arranging their unused belongings, whiling away the hours meticulously folding, filing, labelling, rearranging and folding some more. Kept busy with the administration of stuff they rummage through their days, limiting themselves to the relatively straightforward question of where do I store this? Hypnotised by the steady rhythm of constant shifting – up down, in out, down up, left right – there is no time for pausing or reflecting. We get sidetracked playing in our life-sized Wendy house full-time, plodding along in a comfy illusion of being busy and therefore important and needed. It is easy to mistake movement for achievement and get fooled by being forever busy – doing what? The most useful side effect of this mock activism in our hamster-wheel home is that we never have to sit down and face an empty moment. We avoid unoccupied time and the confrontation with questions lingering right underneath those boxes, ready to jump at us. “Why are you here, what are your dreams? How can you fulfil your potential? Where to from here?” Clutter is a protective device, a skilfully constructed obstacle course that keeps out the intruders that we cannot simply file away. Clutter is a wall that we erect between us and the scarier topics. It keeps them at bay, we take the foot off the accelerator and grind to a halt in our bagged up comfort zone. Diligently beavering away, we set up a dam to stem the floods of feelings: the longing for a partner or the career change we never embarked on. Grief for the children we never had, loved ones we lost, opportunities missed. Sadness that the children we did have stopped being children and have moved out, moved on and left us. We try to fill an inner void with stuff, plaster over the hurt with yet another purchase.
The root cause for a passion for collecting can be hidden in the past. Perhaps our ancestors lost their belongings when they had to suddenly leave a city or country. Wander back in time: when did the hoarding start? Was it after a separation, divorce or bereavement, a traumatic childhood experience? One day you might have come home from school to find that a favourite soft toy – the rocking horse or train set – had disappeared. Your guardians had decided that, “You didn’t need that anymore.” You had been ignored and hurt. Deeply. Ever since, you have been trying to fill the gap caused by this wound; never letting go of anything; holding on to a boxed-up, past out of sight but not out of mind. At some point it became impossible to pluck up the courage to wake the sleeping memories. As long as the cartons are dozing, sealed and untouched, we do not have to deal with our stuff. We create a protective shell, an additional layer between us and the world out there or the worlds inside ourselves. Clutter is a cocoon. It tones down life; holds it at bay, shoved into some sort of receptacle. Stick on the label, fasten the lid; sorted. Those shielding mechanisms temporarily make sense, but after a while the disadvantages become obvious.
In a cocoon you cannot see very far. Only once we break free, can we emerge as the iridescent butterfly that we really are and set off, gently tumbling towards our dreams.
enough