Contents
Cover
About the Book
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
Chapter Forty-Five
Chapter Forty-Six
Chapter Forty-Seven
Chapter Forty-Eight
Chapter Forty-Nine
Chapter Fifty
Chapter Fifty-One
Chapter Fifty-Two
Chapter Fifty-Three
Chapter Fifty-Four
Chapter Fifty-Five
Chapter Fifty-Six
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Chapter Sixty
Chapter Sixty-One
Chapter Sixty-Two
Chapter Sixty-Three
Chapter Sixty-Four
Chapter Sixty-Five
Chapter Sixty-Six
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Chapter Sixty-Nine
Chapter Seventy
Chapter Seventy-One
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Also by Louise Douglas
Copyright
The Love of My Life
Missing You
The Secrets Between Us
In Her Shadow
TRANSWORLD PUBLISHERS
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YOUR BEAUTIFUL LIES
A BLACK SWAN BOOK: 9780552779265
Version 1.0 Epub ISBN: 9781448167173
First publication in Great Britain
Black Swan edition published 2014
Copyright © Louise Douglas 2014
Louise Douglas has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
This book is a work of fiction and, except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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To Steve, with my love.
Matlow, South Yorkshire, March 1984
ANNIE HOWARTH WOKE with a feeling of absolute dread.
She did not know what had disturbed her. She opened her eyes slowly and looked around. She was at home in the master bedroom at Everwell and everything seemed to be as normal.
It must have been a bad dream, she thought, that’s all.
She climbed out of the bed and went over to the window, pulling back the curtains and gazing out at the moors. Then she turned to look at the photograph on the wall. It was of her wedding day in April 1975, nine years earlier. Annie and William were standing together outside the church with his colleagues from the South Yorkshire police forming a guard of honour behind. William looked grand in his formal police regalia. Beside him stood his best man, Paul Fleming, smiling broadly. Annie, on William’s other side, looked young and anxious, clutching her flowers.
She was dressing when William came into the room, wearing one of the trademark suits he favoured because the colour matched both his hair and his eyes. He put her coffee on the bedside table, rested his hand on her shoulder, at the base of her neck. She pressed her cheek into his hand.
‘Do you have to go now?’ she asked. ‘It’s so early.’
‘Yes, I do. I’m meeting the Chief Constable of Nottinghamshire.’
‘And he’s more interesting than me?’
‘Of course not, but needs must, Annie.’
‘I know, I know.’ Annie moved away. She opened the wardrobe door and looked inside. ‘What is it today that’s so important? The miners’ strike again?’
‘What else? I suspect it’s going to be a long, tiresome day.’ He sighed but Annie could already sense an eagerness in him to be away and to be attending to his job. ‘Would you pick up my shirt from the dry cleaner’s?’ he went on. ‘I’ll need it for the dinner dance tomorrow.’
‘Yes, of course. I’m going into town to see Mum today anyway.’
‘I’ll see you later, then.’
‘OK.’ She held up her face to him and he kissed her forehead.
‘You won’t forget the shirt?’
‘I won’t.’
Annie listened to William’s footsteps on the stairs, and mentally followed his progress as he turned off the music in his study and locked the door, put his coffee cup in the sink in the kitchen, picked up his briefcase, walked across the hall, checked his appearance in the mirror, then opened and closed the front door. Outside, she heard his footsteps on the gravel and then a pause as he climbed into his car, fastened the seatbelt and checked that he had everything he needed for the day, as he always did. After enough time had elapsed for William to finish this routine, she heard the Jaguar’s engine breathe into life and its quiet crackle over the gravel and down the drive. She listened until the car had turned into the lane and driven away. Then she finished dressing and went to wake her seven-year-old daughter.
Elizabeth’s room was along the landing, close to her grandmother Ethel’s. Annie pushed open the door and went inside, stepping over toys and books to reach the bed. She leaned over the child, smoothing the fair hair from her forehead.
‘Hey, sleepyhead,’ she whispered. ‘Wake up.’
Elizabeth wriggled further down the bed. ‘No,’ she said, her voice muffled. ‘I don’t want to.’
‘You have to, chicken, or you’ll be late for school.’
‘I don’t want to go to school today.’
‘Tough. You have to.’
Annie picked up Scooby, the toy dog that went everywhere with Elizabeth, and made him nuzzle at her neck. The child giggled and sat up. Then she cocked her head, listening to a sound in the distance.
‘What’s that?’
‘What’s what?’
‘It’s a motorbike! It’s Johnnie, Mummy! Why has Johnnie come so early?’
Mother and daughter scrambled to the window and peered out. A motorbike was bumping up the drive, a young man hunched over the handlebars. Elizabeth waved frantically and Annie watched as her younger brother pulled his Yamaha up outside the house, kicked down the stand and took off his helmet. He crunched towards the front door.
‘I’ll go down and see what he wants,’ said Annie. ‘You get yourself dressed, Lizzie.’
‘But I want to see Johnnie!’
‘Dress first.’
Annie ran down the staircase and into the hall, which was large, light and airy with an ornate Indian rug in the centre. She opened the front door and there was her younger brother standing on the doorstep with his helmet tucked underneath his arm, swinging the key fob in the shape of the A-Team van on one finger. Behind him, the sun was already high over the moors, colouring last year’s bracken a red so bright that it seemed as if the hills were alight.
Annie crossed her arms and looked her brother up and down.
‘You’ve grown taller even since last week,’ she said.
‘Oh, get off,’ said Johnnie.
‘But no better-looking. What are you doing here so early? Do you want to come in for a bit? I can make you a cup of tea.’
He shook his head. ‘I have to get to the colliery,’ he said. ‘I just wanted to tell you that—’
‘Johnnie!’ Elizabeth came galloping down the stairs, the buttons on her blouse undone, her school tunic unzipped and her socks in her hand. She threw herself at her uncle and he picked her up. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and clung to him. ‘You’ve got to come in and have some breakfast,’ she said. ‘It’s the law.’
‘Says who?’
‘Me. And I’m the boss!’
Johnnie grinned. ‘Well, if Miss Elizabeth Howarth says so, who am I to argue?’
They followed each other into the kitchen. Elizabeth wore her uncle’s helmet while she gulped down her cereal, and Annie made tea and toast. She put a mug down in front of Johnnie.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘go on then. What is it? What did you come here to tell me?’
Johnnie took a deep breath. He glanced at Elizabeth and said quietly, ‘Tom Greenaway’s back.’
‘I thought he was still in prison,’ Annie said.
‘No, he’s out. I was talking to him not ten minutes ago. I stopped off for petrol and he was there in front of me, filling up his truck.’
Annie spread honey on the toast, making a mess of it. She pushed the plate towards Johnnie.
‘I wasn’t sure who he was at first. He came over to me, all friendly-like, and he said: “It’s Johnnie Jackson, isn’t it?”, I said it was and he said: “Well, you won’t remember me – you were only a kid when I went away, but I used to go out with your sister.” And then it clicked.’ Johnnie picked up the toast and pushed the whole slice into his mouth. Annie put another on the plate.
‘Who’s Tom Greenaway?’ asked Lizzie.
‘No one,’ Annie and Johnnie said together. Lizzie shrugged. She pretended to be making the key fob drive around the kitchen table but Annie could tell she was listening.
Johnnie went on: ‘He asked what I was doing and why I wasn’t on strike, and I told him I was working in the kitchens at the colliery – that it were only the miners that were out, not the support workers.’
‘You’d have thought he’d have known that.’
‘Mmm.’ Johnnie took a drink of tea. ‘Then he asked if I wanted to see his truck.’ He said to his niece: ‘Pass me the sugar, Lizzie. Ta. It’s a good ’un – a Ford pick-up. Writing on the side an’ all. I said: “You’re doing all right for yourself,” and he said, “Yes, I am.” Apparently he’s been out of prison for a while now and has started up his own business – laying hedges and tree-felling and the like. Greenaway Garden Services, it’s called.’
‘He was always one for the outdoors,’ Annie said quietly.
‘He asked about you – how you were, what you were doing, if you were all right.’
‘Did you tell him anything?’
‘I didn’t think you’d want me to.’
‘No.’
‘I’m not daft, Annie.’
‘I know you’re not.’
‘You are daft,’ Lizzie whispered.
‘And you’re a cheeky bugger,’ Johnnie whispered back.
‘Go upstairs and brush your teeth, love,’ Annie told her.
Johnnie waited until the child had gone, then he pushed back his chair and stood up.
‘Tom asked me to give you this,’ he said. He took a folded piece of paper from the pocket of his jacket. ‘I was going to throw it away, but he said it were important. He made me promise.’
Annie took the paper. She wrapped it in her fingers, pressed it into the palm of her hand.
‘I told him you wouldn’t read it. I told him you wouldn’t have owt to do with him ever again. Was that right, Annie?’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘That was exactly right.’ She smiled at her brother, reached up to kiss his cheek. And then, while he was watching, she opened the door to the old coal-fired stove and dropped the paper, still folded, into the flames.
ANNIE MADE UP a tray for William’s mother, as she did every morning. She was scooping the boiled egg out of the pan with a spoon when Mrs Miller, the private nurse, came in through the back door.
‘Morning!’ she said cheerfully. ‘And what a lovely one, too. It feels like spring out there.’ She shrugged off her coat. Annie slipped the egg into the egg cup on the tray.
‘About time it picked up a bit,’ she replied. ‘Right – this is all ready for you to take up, Mrs M. The tea’s fresh in the pot and there’s toast and a bit of that apricot jam that Ethel likes.’
‘That’s grand,’ said Mrs Miller. She put her voluminous handbag down on the kitchen table, opened it, and rummaged inside. Elizabeth, who was ready for school, sidled over. ‘Ooh – look what I’ve found,’ Mrs Miller said. ‘A Finger of Fudge. Do you know anyone who might like that, Lizzie?’
Elizabeth smiled shyly. ‘Me?’ she suggested.
‘Oh! You? Well, I never would have thought. You’d best take it then.’ Mrs Miller passed the chocolate to the child. ‘Save it for your elevenses,’ she advised.
‘Thank you, Mrs Miller.’
‘You’re welcome, pet.’
‘Come on now, Lizzie, we’re going to be late,’ Annie said. She opened the back door, Elizabeth ran through and Annie called goodbye to Mrs Miller.
They followed the path round to the front garden and Elizabeth skipped to the spot on the lawn where she always stood to wave goodbye to her grandmother. Ethel Howarth liked to look out from the little square window of her bedroom in the gable end of the house. Sometimes she forgot she had a granddaughter and did not come to the window at all. That morning though, when Annie and Elizabeth looked up, Ethel was there, her face a pale shadow behind the glass.
‘I’m going to do a cartwheel for Grandma,’ Elizabeth announced, throwing her satchel onto the lawn.
‘Quick then,’ said Annie.
She shielded her eyes from the sun and looked at the house. Everwell had been built a century earlier for the family who originally owned the Matlow colliery. The house had been named after the well in the back garden and had changed hands twice before William bought it back in 1971 with money he’d inherited from his father. He’d had the building sympathetically refurbished and modernised before he married Annie. From the outside, Everwell was still as beautiful as it had been when it was first built. An old wisteria was draping its new spring leaves around the faces of the mullioned windows. The garden sloped downhill, daffodils bobbing at the edges of the lawn, lines of 100-year-old beech on either side of the gravel drive. The derelict gamekeeper’s cottage that William would, one day, either renovate or knock down stood beside the wall of the home meadow, and beyond was the sweep of the moor, rising 400 yards away beneath a perfect blue sky.
It was a beautiful place to live. Sometimes, even now, Annie could not quite believe her luck, how far she had come.
After dropping Elizabeth off at her private school, she drove her Volkswagen Golf down towards the town. The colliery had been built on the side of the hill, its buildings, slagheaps, wheels and towers looming over the town. Annie had to slow and stop the car because a crowd of men had gathered around the gates and were blocking the road. An older man in a jacket and trilby was addressing the men through a megaphone; she couldn’t hear what he was saying, only the boom and echo of his voice. Some of the men were standing or sitting on the boundary wall; others were grouped on the road, smoking and laughing into their collars. A couple of police officers were talking with them, sharing jokes and cigarettes. The older men were muscular and stringy, their faces beneath flat caps hollowed out from years of working underground. The younger ones had longish hair. A few were still wearing flared jeans. Matlow was always a couple of years behind the rest of Yorkshire when it came to fashion. Annie looked at the faces and recognised a few of them. She had been at school with some of these men, back when they were boys.
As she inched the car forward a few feet, she heard a burst of crude laughter. Were the men laughing at her? Mocking her? She knew the townspeople still called her names behind her back – her mother, Marie, had told her they did. Perhaps the men sitting on the wall recalled the days when she lived in Matlow and worked in the typing pool at the Town Hall. Perhaps they remembered that she had once been Tom Greenaway’s girlfriend.
Annie exhaled shakily. She was moving very slowly, just a few feet at a time. Then suddenly a shout went up somewhere in the crowd and those around her dropped their cigarettes and moved away, huddling closer together. Fumbling with the gearstick, she put the car into second and accelerated away.
Annie drove on past the new housing estate and into the older part of town, past the Salvation Army hostel and the shell of the 1960s shopping centre with its graffiti and broken glass. She turned by the municipal baths, stopped at the dry cleaner’s to pick up William’s shirt, and then headed back towards the lines of residential streets that tottered down the side of the hill, the terraced houses built for the miners and their families.
Both Annie and Johnnie had been born in the front bedroom of number 122 Rotherham Road, in the bed their parents still shared. As Annie pulled up outside the house, Marie Jackson opened the door. Annie stepped into the gloom of the narrow hall and allowed herself to be hugged by her mother in the small space between the stairs and the coats and jackets hung on the hooks by the door. Marie’s arms were strong and sinewed, her bleached hair tied in a bun, hoops through her ears and her face made up as it always was, her eyes outlined in black beneath plucked arches of eyebrows.
In the kitchen, the kettle was already on the boil and slices of home-made parkin, black and sticky as tar, had been sliced and buttered. Beyond the window was the yard – the dustbins, last year’s Christmas tree, parts of a push-bike that someone had given Johnnie, and a rabbit hutch. Annie’s father’s two whippets were lying on an old blanket in a patch of sunlight.
‘Where’s Dad?’ Annie asked. ‘I thought he was off today.’
‘He’s gone up the pit to hear what the Union has to say. They want to get everyone out.’
‘I saw a crowd up there. They all looked in a good mood.’
‘Aye well, this is one battle they can’t lose. The whole country’s behind them.’
On the hob, the kettle began to jump and whistle.
‘Go and have a seat in the front room, Annie. I’ll bring the tea.’
Annie went into the living room and perched on the seat of her father’s chair by the window that overlooked the street. The brown fabric of the armrests had been worn shiny by his elbows and hands, and the springs had gone in the seat cushion. The room smelled of coal, and a brown sheen of cigarette smoke had been laid down over the years, giving everything an ochre tint.
Marie came in with the tray and put it on the table.
‘Everything all right with you, Annie?’ she asked. ‘You’re looking a bit peaky.’
‘I’m all right.’
‘Go on, spit it out. What’s mithering you?’
‘Nothing. I just … Oh, Mum – did you know that Tom Greenaway’s back in town?’
‘Oh,’ Marie said. ‘It didn’t take long for word to reach you.’ She sat down heavily and reached down the side of the couch for her cigarettes and ashtray.
‘You knew?’
‘I ran into Sadie Wallace the other day. She told me.’
‘What did she say?’
‘Not much. Not to me. She still gives me the cold shoulder after what your Tom did to her grandma.’
‘If Sadie had paid a bit more attention to her grandma in the first place instead of leaving her in that awful bungalow all on her own, then …’
‘All right, all right,’ said Marie. ‘Let’s not start all that again.’
She offered a cigarette to Annie, who shook her head.
‘Does Dad know he’s back?’
‘Don’t be soft. Do you think your Tom—’
‘He’s not my Tom.’
‘Do you think he’d still be in one piece if your dad got wind of it? Best thing for everyone would be if Tom Greenaway went back to whatever hole he’s crawled out from.’
‘Yes. That would be best.’
Marie lit the end of her Embassy. Then she said: ‘Anyroad, you’d best watch yourself, Annie. Be careful. Mind what you say.’
‘Oh, let people talk if they want. It doesn’t bother me.’
‘It’s not the talk I’m worried about.’
‘What then?’
‘I mean, what’s Tom Greenaway come back for if he’s not come back for you?’
‘Matlow was his home. He doesn’t know anywhere else.’
‘He knows he’s not welcome here. His family are long gone. He’s been saying he wants to clear his name, but nobody’s interested. There’s nothing for him here that I can think of.’
‘There might be a perfectly good reason.’
‘Aye, and he might be after finishing what he started with you.’
Annie looked down at her hands clutching the mug in her lap. She looked at her wedding ring and the dainty engagement ring, the sapphire surrounded by diamonds. The rings had once belonged to William’s grandmother and they were like protective talismans.
‘If that’s what he thinks, he’s got another think coming. Do you really believe I’d have anything to do with him now?’
Marie rested her cigarette on the lip of the ashtray and worked with a fingernail at a bit of parkin that had glued itself to the back of a tooth.
‘You didn’t show a lot of sense last time you had dealings with that lad.’
‘That was a long time ago. Anyway,’ Annie straightened her spine, ‘let’s not waste any more breath on Tom Greenaway. I need a new dress. I thought I’d go and have a look in town. Are you coming with me?’
‘What do you want another new dress for? Haven’t you enough already?’
‘There’s a dinner dance at the Haddington Hotel tomorrow night. It’s a top-level police do. Anyone who’s anyone will be there.’
Marie pulled a face. ‘“Anyone who’s anyone”,’ she said in a hoity-toity voice. ‘And they’ll all be looking for fashion tips from Mrs Annie Howarth, will they?’
‘William likes me to look nice.’
Marie laughed her throaty laugh. ‘William doesn’t care what you wear. You’ve got him wrapped around your finger. You’d think he’d have more sense, him being old enough to be your father and all.’
The disparity between Annie’s age and her husband’s was a topic Marie was fond of raising. Annie ignored her and finished her tea. ‘I’ll be off now,’ she said. ‘And I’d appreciate it, Mum, if you’d have a little more faith that I’ll do the right thing with regard to Tom Greenaway this time.’
‘Aye well,’ said Marie gruffly. ‘I’ll believe it when I see it.’
ANNIE WAS BACK at Everwell unpacking her shopping when Mrs Miller came downstairs.
‘Mrs Howarth’s sleeping like a baby,’ she said. ‘Are you all right to sit with her if I pop out for an hour?’
Annie nodded and went up to her mother-in-law’s room. She tapped gently on the door, and when there was no response, she opened it and went in.
William had had two bedrooms knocked through into one large room for Ethel when she came to live with them. This had created a pleasant, sunny space, with the bed, commode, washbasin and wardrobe at one end and a couple of easy chairs, a small settee, a television and a table at the other. The old lady was asleep in her armchair. Mrs Miller had tucked a cushion behind her head and covered her over with a crocheted blanket. Ethel’s mouth was open and she was snoring quietly. She looked as vulnerable as a baby bird, the skin that covered her skull powder-puff pink beneath her sparse white hair. One bar of the electric fire was burning and the room was very warm. Annie moved over to the window and looked down. She could see the spot where Elizabeth always waved goodbye in the mornings, the grass worn away by her shoes, and the first hint of blossom in the purple-leaved cherry tree beside the derelict cottage. Up on the moor, two brown deer were grazing, taking turns to stand guard. In the distance, Annie could see the glint of metal from the cars in the car park at the mine and the dark silhouettes of the works and their sprawl.
She sat by the window, picked up a magazine that the nurse had left, and flicked through the pages. There was an article about an American pop star called Madonna. Annie looked at the photographs. She liked the way the girl was dressed, with her swept-over hair, her heavily made-up eyes and hooped earrings like Marie’s. Annie wondered if she could find some long, lace gloves to go with the dress she’d bought. Madonna wore bracelets and bangles over her gloves and a dozen necklaces were strung around her throat. It would not be a difficult look to copy – only William probably wouldn’t like it. He preferred it if Annie was not ‘blown about by the winds of fashion’. He liked her to look classic. On the next page were pictures of Princess Diana, but then there were always pictures of Diana; it was as if the world would never have enough images of her. Sometimes, Annie compared herself to Diana. Diana was younger than Annie, of course, but they’d both married older, wealthier men, both had had to endure a great deal of public attention and comment, and Diana, like Annie, sometimes seemed to struggle a bit with her role.
Annie closed her eyes, leaned back in the chair. She would never admit to anyone else that she thought she was like Diana. They’d only think she was getting above herself again. She thought about what her mother had said and tried not to be upset by her constant nippy little criticisms. Marie was, after all, stuck in a tiny, smelly house with a husband who had all the refinement of a wild boar. Of course she was jealous of Annie.
Annie was warm and sleepy, and she must have dozed off because she did not hear a vehicle come up the drive, or a knock at the door. She only found the flowers on the doorstep after Mrs Miller had returned and she was leaving to pick Elizabeth up from school. They were not shop flowers, but spring wildflowers, moor flowers in delicate shades of yellow and blue, forget-me-nots, celandine, thrift, yellow oxlips, primroses and violets. Annie took the small envelope that lay beside the jar and prised open the flap. Inside was a piece of card. On the back was a pencil sketch of a wren and six words.
When can I see you? Tom.
‘Oh no,’ Annie whispered. ‘No, you won’t get to me that way.’
She picked up the flowers by the stalks – they drooped in her hand, shedding petals like confetti – and went outside, across the lawn to the gate that separated the garden from the home meadow, where Jim Friel’s small herd of dairy cattle was grazing. She whistled to the cows, and as they wandered over, she tossed the flowers over the gate and dropped the card after them. The lead cow sniffed the flowers, and then picked one delicate, ragged stem of blossom and began to chew, slime drooling from its big soft lips.
‘Thank you, cow,’ said Annie, and she brushed the pollen from her hands before turning and marching back to the house.
THE NEXT EVENING, while William was changing for the dinner dance, Annie poured herself a glass of wine and took it upstairs. She met Ethel on the landing, the old woman leaning on Mrs Miller’s arm, shuffling towards the bathroom.
‘Who’s that?’ Ethel asked the nurse. ‘What’s she doing in my house?’
‘That’s your daughter-in-law.’
‘I’ve never seen her before. What’s she doing here? Who is she?’
Mrs Miller smiled apologetically. ‘Come along, Mrs Howarth,’ she said.
‘I don’t like the look of her!’ Ethel said. ‘She’s not a Howarth.’ She cowered from Annie. ‘I don’t trust you,’ she said. ‘You’re going to bring trouble to this house.’
Annie was used to Ethel’s forgetfulness and to the hurtful things she sometimes said. Still she wished her mother-in-law would realise that she would never deliberately do her any harm.
‘Now, now, Mrs Howarth, don’t take on so,’ said Mrs Miller, and she winked at Annie and coaxed the old woman away.
Annie went into the bedroom and stood by the window, sipping her wine and pressing her fingers against her temple.
Behind her, William was knotting his tie at the mirror and looking at her reflection in the glass.
‘Is something wrong?’ he asked.
‘I’ve got a terrible headache.’
William came across the room and stood with his hands on her shoulders. He kissed the back of her head. ‘Have you taken an aspirin?’
She nodded.
‘Then you’ll feel better soon.’
‘Yes.’
She wished he’d go away. She wanted to be on her own for a few minutes. She wanted time to stand and gaze out at the sunset over the moor. Beneath the elegant scent of William’s eau de cologne, Annie could smell the medicated soap he always used to wash his hands at the end of each working day. He used it to kill all the germs, scrub away the grime of the people he’d met, the crimes they’d committed, the ugliness, the poverty and misery and sheer messiness of life in a South Yorkshire mining town. William ran every aspect of his own life in a neat and ordered way and would never understand why other people could not do the same. According to him, it was simple: all people had to do was follow society’s rules.
Annie moved away from her husband, away from his soaped hands and his minty breath and his clean smell. ‘I’ll be all right in a minute,’ she said. ‘I’d better start to get ready now, William.’
‘Of course,’ he said. ‘I’ll wait downstairs.’
He left, and Annie changed into her new dress and sat at the dressing table to do her hair. Elizabeth wandered in trailing her dressing gown and lay across the bed so that she could watch as Annie pinned heated rollers in her hair. The little girl pulled faces along with her mother as Annie applied eyeshadow, mascara, lipstick.
‘Why do pretty women wear make-up and ugly men don’t?’ Elizabeth asked.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Ruthie Thorogood says it’s because the ones with most make-up get the richest men.’
Annie sighed. ‘It might be something like that. But that doesn’t apply to you, does it, because you’re going to …’
‘Have an education and a career!’ Elizabeth finished the sentence for her. ‘Although I might be a pop star instead.’
‘I’ll leave you to break that news to your daddy.’
Annie stood up, picked a pair of shoes that she knew would hurt her feet from the bottom of the wardrobe, and slipped them on. She sat on the bed for a moment, smoothing the child’s hair.
‘I wish I could stay in with you tonight,’ she said quietly.
‘Why? I thought you liked dancing?’
‘I used to like it.’ Annie closed her eyes and remembered hot nights in the Locarno in Matlow a decade earlier and afterwards, always, Tom walking her home; how she had been giddy, crazy with love for him. ‘Tonight the music will be old-fashioned and I’ll probably have to dance with lots of boring men,’ she said.
‘Daddy’s not boring.’
‘Daddy doesn’t like dancing.’
‘Why do you have to dance with the boring men? Why can’t you just say you don’t want to?’
‘It’s called etiquette,’ said Annie. ‘It’s what you have to do if you want to carry on being invited to police dinner dances. Get under the covers now, you can sleep in our bed while we’re gone. Mrs Miller is staying here tonight to look after you.’
She bent down and kissed Elizabeth.
‘Be good.’
‘I’m always good.’
‘And I’m the monkey’s uncle.’
Downstairs, William was waiting in the living room. He had not troubled to light the fire that evening, and it was cold in the room. He stood up when Annie came in and there was no denying he looked the part in his dinner suit. He had a presence that was a combination of severe but classical good looks and a strong character. It was very attractive.
‘Is it the strike?’ Annie asked.
‘Is what the strike?’
‘The reason why you’re frowning.’ She reached up to brush a few pieces of fluff from the shoulder of his jacket.
‘It’s not looking good,’ he said. ‘The consensus is that it might drag on until the summer.’
‘As long as that? Bloody hell.’ Annie did a twirl. ‘Do I look all right?’ she asked. ‘It’s a new dress. And I borrowed the gloves from your mother. She said she didn’t mind.’
He held out his hand to her. ‘You look perfect,’ he said. ‘I like your hair like that. It’s very …’
‘It’s called fashionable,’ Annie said.
She passed him her wrap and he slipped it around her shoulders. Then he put his hand in the small of her back and escorted her out to the waiting car. He opened the door for his wife and sat beside her in the back, giving instructions to the driver. Annie enjoyed the luxury of the big car, of being driven to the prestigious function. She had done well for herself, nobody could say otherwise. Who would ever have thought it? Annie Jackson from Rotherham Road – the girl who, not so long ago, had been the black sheep of the entire town after her boyfriend was found guilty of manslaughter – riding in the back of a limousine with a husband who was one of the most important police officers in the South Yorkshire force, a man who was universally respected and admired.
Her mother didn’t have to worry, Annie thought. Nobody was going to change her world. Nobody was going to bring her down to the place she’d come from. Most of all, no man was ever going to come between her and William, and certainly not Tom Greenaway – not even if he were the last person left alive on this earth.
THE BALLROOM AT the Haddington Hotel was full of women dressed in bright colours and men who were suited and booted or dressed in formal police regalia. A clamour of voices echoed around the room with the fancy pelmets and chandeliers, the flower arrangements, the dome in the centre of the ceiling. Annie drifted amongst the guests on William’s arm.
‘You’re very good at this,’ she said.
‘At what? Making small talk? Complimenting the wives of my colleagues when none of them comes anywhere remotely close to you?’
‘You’re good at being dignified,’ Annie whispered. ‘And you have an authority. The men are afraid of you and the women fancy you.’
William pretended to be unaffected by this observation but she knew he was pleased because he puffed himself out a little and held her close.
The guests were eventually seated at long tables, arranged around three sides of the dance floor, with the band setting up on the stage at the far end. There were dozens of bottles of wine on tables already laid with napkins and baskets of bread and china crockery. Annie was seated next to William and she was glad to see Paul Fleming on her other side. He smiled broadly when he saw her and gave a little mock bow.
‘How are you, Mrs Howarth?’ he asked.
‘I’m fine, thank you, Mr Fleming. And you?’
‘Mustn’t grumble,’ said Paul. ‘Although a policeman’s lot is not a happy one.’
‘So I’ve been told.’
‘The job would be much easier if it weren’t for the criminals. They’re an inconsiderate bunch.’
‘Always breaking the law, apparently.’
‘Ha!’ said Paul. ‘You wouldn’t believe the things they get up to.’
‘Still, it keeps you off the streets.’
‘Which is no bad thing.’ Paul politely offered Annie the bread basket. She took a roll, broke it onto her side plate and buttered it. To her right, William was talking to the Lady Mayoress. His back was half-turned to Annie.
‘Where’s Janine?’ she asked Paul.
‘At home with the baby. The little lass got a cold and Jan didn’t want to leave her with a sitter. Here.’ He took out his wallet and showed Annie a snap. His young wife was smiling proudly. In her skinny arms was a chubby baby wearing a pink dress.
Annie passed the picture back. ‘Chloe is one bonny baby,’ she said.
‘Takes after her father, don’t you think?’
At that moment the lights were dimmed and a spotlight picked out the Chief Constable standing on the stage. He was a solid, imposing man, square-shouldered and meat-headed with his hair shaved uncompromisingly. He tapped the microphone and it screeched a couple of times before he made it work. He went on to praise the efforts of the force over the last twelve months and to give a summary of the highs and lows.
‘There are many challenges ahead,’ he warned. ‘Our first, and most important, task is to keep the mines open so that the law-abiding minority, those decent men who want to get to work, can do so, without being intimidated or threatened. It’s also important to reassure the general public that the police are in control of a situation which is in danger of escalating into violence at any moment.’
There was a murmur of assent.
‘Over the coming weeks, this strike is likely to take hold and spread, like an infectious disease,’ he continued. ‘The longer it goes on, the more difficult our job will become. We’ve been planning for this situation for months, but our opponents are determined men. They want to cause maximum disruption. They want to bring the government to its knees. The leaders are the real enemy, but they’re hiding behind the ignorant hordes who, like sheep, will do whatever they’re told to do.’
‘Ignorant hordes?’ Annie muttered. ‘Sheep? That’s my father he’s talking about!’
Paul leaned his head towards her. ‘Don’t take any notice,’ he murmured. ‘The man’s an idiot.’
Annie held back her anger. The Chief Constable continued.
‘We’re expecting flying pickets from South Wales and other regions. These thugs,’ he paused so the word could make an impact, ‘are coming to bolster the numbers disrupting the Yorkshire pits. They’re dangerous men, professional agitators. They’re looking for trouble and we’re prepared for the worst.’
The speaker then bowed his head to show that he was finished and was enthusiastically applauded by almost everyone in the room. A representative from the Coal Board was up next. He talked unconvincingly about the likely social effects of the industrial action and the importance of being united in the face of such entrenched opposition, and finished with a joke about an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman.
During the meal, William was in demand; people wanted to talk to him and in between courses he was rarely in his chair. Paul was attentive to Annie, but he was popular too, often distracted. Annie picked at her food, sipped her wine. Waiters refilled her glass until she lost count of how much she’d had and eventually she reached a point where she seemed to exist in a little bubble of isolation. In the bubble, everything happened very slowly, while around her, the world had speeded up. People talked so quickly that she couldn’t understand what they were saying. Different faces came into focus in front of her and their mouths moved and then they disappeared again. She smiled in a dazed way at a hundred people whose names she instantly forgot. It was an odd kind of loneliness.
After the meal was finished, as the waiters were clearing away and people were standing in little groups smoking, the band came onto the stage and began to play. Annie danced with William, and then she was passed into the arms of an old man with silver hair who smelled of cigars, and then with a large-bellied sergeant who held her so close she could smell the sourness of his breath. After that, the Chief Constable asked if he could have the pleasure and Annie told him no, he could not. She walked out of the ballroom through the double doors that opened into the hotel’s marble foyer, washed the smell of the men from her hands at the basin in the cloakroom, and followed little metal finger signs stuck to the walls that pointed towards the bar. Her head was spinning. She bumped into the wall once or twice and had to hold out her arms to steady herself. She planned to ask for a large glass of iced water and find a dark corner somewhere where she could sit quietly for a few minutes until the noise and clutter in her mind calmed a little.
The bar was at the very back of the hotel. It was a square room, far darker than the ballroom, with a bar running along the near wall. A young barman leaned on the counter on his elbows, cupping his face in his hands. Opposite, French doors opened onto a balcony that was lit by hundreds of small bulbs; it looked over the gardens in the valley at the foot of the moors. The bar was full of tables and chairs, and balloons were tied to the chair-backs. Because the French doors were open, it was cool, and although there were perhaps forty people there, they were quiet, listening to the singer – a young girl with Afro hair, wearing jeans and a cheesecloth shirt, who curled over her guitar on the tiny stage.
Annie stood at the doorway and listened to the girl sing a song about love. She felt tired, so tired that she wished she could just fall to the floor in a bundle and sleep where she fell. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes for a moment – it couldn’t have been more than a moment. When she opened them, she found herself looking into the face of Tom Greenaway.
‘Annie,’ Tom said, and he had a look of shock on his face that mirrored hers.
‘You!’ she said, and she raised her arm as if to slap him but she was too slow and he took hold of her wrist.
‘Don’t be daft,’ he said. ‘Don’t make a scene.’
‘Don’t tell me what to do!’ she replied, and the people sitting at the table closest to them looked up.
‘Please, Annie, I—’
‘And don’t you ever dream of sending me flowers or letters or playing any kind of tricks like that again!’
‘Let’s sit down,’ Tom said. ‘Let’s talk.’
‘I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to be anywhere near you. Get your hands off me!’ She tried to back away but she stumbled on her heels, and if he had not held her, she would have fallen.
‘If you carry on like this they’ll throw us out,’ Tom said.
‘They bloody well ought to throw you out! I’m surprised they let you in. Do they know who you are?’
‘Annie, just calm down, just—’
‘I said get away from me!’ she cried.
‘Are you all right, miss?’ A young waiter was at her side.
Annie opened her mouth to ask him to eject Tom, but at exactly the same moment the anger and hurt and frustration that had been rattling around inside her came together in a nauseating wave of emotion that she could not contain.
She covered her mouth with her hands.
She looked up at Tom, panic in her eyes, and he realised what was wrong.
‘I’ll look after her,’ Tom said to the waiter, and the young man moved away.
Tom put his arm around Annie – she was too desperate to resist – and he half-dragged, half-carried her through the bar, out of the tall French doors onto the balcony. The night air was so cold, it was shocking. She gripped the icy balcony railing with both hands, leaned over and vomited painfully. She heard the splatter of liquid on the shrubs below.
‘Oh God!’ she whimpered.
‘It’s all right,’ said Tom. He was holding back her hair. He was holding on to her.
She was still retching, so he helped her down a wrought-iron staircase that wound its way into the hotel gardens. At the bottom of the steps she leaned over and threw up again into the flowerbeds. Tom rubbed her back, but she pushed his hand away. The retching seemed to last forever, and after that came the weakness and the desire to cry like a child. Annie would not give in to that.
‘All right now?’ Tom asked.
Annie nodded. She spat out the last of it and then wiped her mouth with the paper napkin he gave her. He put his jacket over her shoulders and helped her upright.
‘Take your time,’ he said. ‘Breathe the fresh air.’
‘Don’t patronise me.’
‘I was trying to help.’
‘Well, don’t.’ She looked back to the hotel. ‘Did anyone see?’
‘I don’t think so. Come away from the light while you get your breath back.’
‘I don’t want to talk to you.’
‘You don’t have to. But if you don’t want anyone to see you like this, you need to come into the gardens.’
She allowed him to lead her away from the flowerbed and along the path which led between rhododendron bushes that were taller than she was. Their leaves quivered in the breeze. Annie’s breath was a cloud in front of her. She held the jacket around her. It was soft, worn and it smelled of woodsmoke and of the outdoors. It smelled of Tom.
They came to an ornamental metal bench, and she sat down. He stood beside her.
‘Are you following me?’ she asked.
‘Of course I’m not.’
‘Then how did you know I was here?’
‘I didn’t. You walked into me, remember? I’m here because I know the girl who’s singing in the bar. I gave her a lift. She lives in the flat below mine on Occupation Road.’
‘Oh.’ Annie exhaled. ‘Does she know who you are? What you did?’
‘She knows the truth.’
‘That you killed an old lady?’
‘I never did anything to hurt anyone. I know it’s hard for you to believe, Annie, but—’
‘Every word that comes out of your mouth is hard for me to believe, Tom Greenaway, because every word is a lie!’
Annie’s voice was rising. She shuddered and sank back into herself.
‘Go away,’ she said. ‘Leave me alone.’
‘I can’t leave you on your own like this.’
‘I’ve managed perfectly well without you for the past ten years.’
‘Didn’t you read my letters?’
‘What letters?’
‘The letters I wrote to you from prison.’
‘I never received any letters.’
‘Annie, you must have.’
‘I didn’t.’
Annie stood up again and began to walk. He went with her. She could not see his face. He was walking beside her hunch-shouldered, with his hands in his trouser pockets.
‘While you were in prison writing me imaginary letters, I got married,’ she said. ‘But you know that, don’t you, Tom? Not that a man like you would ever let something like that get in your way.’
‘I didn’t come back to ruin your life, I—’
‘I have a husband, Tom, a husband who cares for me.’
‘You don’t know what he—’
‘And I live in a beautiful house and I have a beautiful child. I have a better life than you could ever even imagine. A better life than you could ever have given me.’
‘Do you really know him, this husband of yours? Do you really know what he’s like?’
‘I know he has integrity. I know he’s honest. I know I can trust him.’
They stood and stared at one another. She tried to compose herself but she was out of breath and dangerously close to crying.
After a few moments, Tom said, ‘I didn’t kill Edna Wallace, Annie. I didn’t.’
‘Just shut up, Tom,’ she said. ‘Shut up.’ She took off the jacket and let it fall behind her onto the path. ‘Leave me alone,’ she told him. ‘Stay away from me.’
‘Why won’t you listen to me?’
‘Because you’re a liar!’
‘No! No. Annie, I’ve waited all these years to come back to you and tell you what happened, and the least you can do is give me five minutes to make you understand.’
‘But I do understand! I understand that you’re bad, through and through. I understand that I never want to see you again!’
‘Listen to me, Annie!’
‘No, I won’t listen. Not now, not ever. Go away – leave me alone. If I see you again I’ll tell my husband you’ve been following me and he’ll have you locked up.’
Tom stared at Annie for a moment. Then he said, ‘All right. All right, if that’s what you want.’
‘It is what I want.’
‘OK,’ he said. ‘I’m going.’ He turned and began to walk away from her, and away from the hotel.
‘Where are you going?’ she called.
He did not answer. He did not look back. He quickened his pace to a run.
‘Tom!’ she called, but the word disappeared into the darkness. Annie stood and watched the space where Tom had been. For a few moments she caught glimpses of him in the moonlight, as he ran away from her, and then he reached the woodland that marked the boundary between the hotel gardens and the moor. He disappeared altogether then, into the darker shadows of the hillside.
‘Good riddance,’ Annie muttered to herself. She leaned down to take off her shoes and she hooked the straps over her fingers and ran barefoot across the gardens back to the hotel. A young man was standing at the bottom of the spiral staircase that led up to the balcony. He was smoking a cigarette. Annie didn’t realise it was Paul Fleming until she reached the steps.
‘Are you all right?’ he asked. ‘I noticed you’d gone and I got a bit worried.’
‘Yes, yes, I’m fine.’
‘Annie, what’s wrong?’
‘Nothing’s wrong. I needed some fresh air, that’s all.’