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First published in the United States of America by CreateSpace 2011
First published in Great Britain in Penguin Books 2012
Copyright © Tracey Garvis Graves, 2011
All rights reserved
The moral right of the author has been asserted
ISBN: 978-1-40-591022-4
Chapter 1: Anna
Chapter 2: T.J.
Chapter 3: Anna
Chapter 4: T.J.
Chapter 5: Anna
Chapter 6: T.J.
Chapter 7: Anna
Chapter 8: T.J.
Chapter 9: Anna
Chapter 10: T.J.
Chapter 11: Anna
Chapter 12: T.J.
Chapter 13: Anna
Chapter 14: T.J.
Chapter 15: Anna
Chapter 16: T.J.
Chapter 17: Anna
Chapter 18: T.J.
Chapter 19: Anna
Chapter 20: T.J.
Chapter 21: Anna
Chapter 22: T.J.
Chapter 23: Anna
Chapter 24: T.J.
Chapter 25: Anna
Chapter 26: T.J.
Chapter 27: Anna
Chapter 28: T.J.
Chapter 29: Anna
Chapter 30: T.J
Chapter 31: Anna
Chapter 32: T.J.
Chapter 33: Anna
Chapter 34: T.J.
Chapter 35: Anna
Chapter 36: T.J.
Chapter 37: Anna
Chapter 38: T.J.
Chapter 39: Anna
Chapter 40: T.J.
Chapter 41: Anna
Chapter 42: T.J.
Chapter 43: Anna
Chapter 44: T.J.
Chapter 45: Anna
Chapter 46: T.J.
Chapter 47: Anna
Chapter 48: T.J.
Chapter 49: Anna
Chapter 50: T.J.
Chapter 51: Anna
Chapter 52: T.J.
Chapter 53: Anna
Chapter 54: T.J.
Chapter 55: Anna
Chapter 56: T.J.
Chapter 57: Anna
Chapter 58: T.J.
Chapter 59: Anna
Chapter 60: T.J.
Chapter 61: Anna
Chapter 62: T.J.
Chapter 63: Anna
Chapter 64: T.J.
Chapter 65: Anna
Chapter 66: T.J.
Chapter 67: Anna
Chapter 68: T.J.
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
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PENGUIN BOOKS
Tracey Garvis Graves lives in a suburb of Des Moines, Iowa, with her husband and two children. This is her first novel. She blogs at www.traceygarvisgraves.com, using colourful language and a snarky sense of humour to write about pop culture, silly television shows and her suburban neighbourhood. She is hard at work on her next novel.
Reviews from online readers
‘I chose this book at random while looking for something to start reading before bed. I wound up staying up into the early morning, finishing it in one sitting … A four-star book for me is one that I can’t put down. A five-star is when I put it down and I can’t stop thinking about it for days afterward.’ *****
Kate
‘This was such a great book! I LOVED this story and look forward to more books from this author. I could not put this book down!’ *****
Debbie K. Quatraro
‘A MUST-READ!! Amazing, touching, heartfelt love story. I laughed, I cried and I finished it in one day, and longed for more. Enough said. READ IT!!!’ *****
Aimeelein
‘I loved this book! I’m very picky and a book has to catch me right away. This one definitely did. I had trouble putting it down, staying up way too late reading it. Couldn’t wait to find out what would happen next. Can’t wait for the next book by this author! I highly recommend!’ *****
Kathy
‘Loved it. Bought this book based on the positive reviews and it did not disappoint. Read it in a little less than two days. Loved the back and forth of both Anna’s and T.J.’s points of view – in fact, I did not want it to end. Will ABSOLUTELY buy more from this author.’ *****
C. Witter
‘Wonderful, did not want to put it down. What a delight! Beautifully written, the author did everything right. The story is woven so delicately, nothing is rushed nor does she drag out the details. The story is told from both of the main characters’ perspectives, allowing the reader to form a deep bond with both of them. This technique also creates richly developed characters. This was one of those books where work was a hindrance to my reading time, actually pretty much everything got in the way. Highly recommended.’ *****
Lisa LLF
‘I loved this book. It was a major page turner for me. I simply could not put it down and finished in one sitting.’ *****
MotherofFour
‘Amazing! I’m so glad that I took a chance on this book. I am coming off the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and was looking for something a little lighter … This book exceeded my expectations … If you are looking for a love story that conquers all, this is the book for you.’ *****
Julie
‘I love this book, from the beginning to the end. I read this book in one day, for me that’s a record! Tracey Garvis Graves knows how to captivate readers. I loved the fact that it is the point of view of each character: Anna and T.J., they live in a world apart, and during those few hours of reading, I lived with them.’ *****
Kiwi
‘Beautifully and sensitively written from both a male and female perspective, this was an engrossing and hard to put down novel; I am amazed that this is a first novel. A very enjoyable book, was sad to turn the last page!’ *****
Kaz
‘SIMPLY AMAZING! Wow, I am completely speechless over this book! I have only just finished reading it and had to write a review now so that I won’t forget just how I am feeling at this moment. I’ve loved some books over the years but I have to say this is one of the most amazing I’ve ever read … For two days I was on that island with Anna and T.J. going through every hardship and triumph with them … Amazing characters, amazing story, amazing author! If a book should ever be made into a movie … this is it!’ *****
Bristol
‘I could not put this down. The relationship in this book is spell-binding. I rooted for this couple from the beginning.’ *****
Kelkeligan
‘What a great read! Couldn’t put it down. In fact, I really haven’t. I keep going back to it. The author does a great job of really putting you in their situation. At times it feels like you are spying on them. For a first book, this one is good. I can’t wait to read her next one! … If you are looking for something to fill the gap after reading Fifty Shades … here it is!’ *****
Danielle
‘This story will grip you from the start and not let you go. I laugh and cried right along with Anna and T.J. This is one for my keeper shelf.’ *****
Jody Duffy
‘If a book doesn’t pique my interest from the very beginning, I won’t read past the first few pages. This book had me hooked from the first paragraph!! The writing is so good, you feel as if you’re on the island with them. I highly recommend this book.’ *****
Irene Georgedakis
‘I started this book thinking I’d just read a few chapters but then couldn’t put it down until I finished. Wow.’ *****
Rachel
‘I loved, loved, loved this. It was a perfect way to spend a cold Friday night stuck at home.’ *****
Kelly
For Meira
I was thirty years old when the seaplane T.J. Callahan and I were traveling on crash-landed in the Indian Ocean. T.J. was sixteen, and three months into remission from Hodgkin’s lymphoma. The pilot’s name was Mick, but he died before we hit the water.
My boyfriend, John, drove me to the airport even though he was third on my list, below my mom and my sister Sarah, of the people I wanted to take me. We fought the crowd, each of us pulling a large, wheeled suitcase, and I wondered if everyone in Chicago had decided to fly somewhere that day. When we finally reached the US Airways counter, the ticket agent smiled, tagged my luggage, and handed me a boarding pass.
‘Thank you, Miss Emerson. I’ve checked you all the way through to Malé. Have a safe trip.’
I slipped the boarding pass into my purse and turned to say goodbye to John. ‘Thanks for driving me.’
‘I’ll walk with you, Anna.’
‘You don’t have to,’ I said, shaking my head.
He flinched. ‘I want to.’
We shuffled along in silence, following the throng of slow-moving passengers. At the gate John asked, ‘What’s he look like?’
‘Skinny and bald.’
I scanned the crowd and smiled when I spotted T.J. because short brown hair now covered his head. I waved, and he acknowledged me with a nod while the boy sitting next to him elbowed him in the ribs.
‘Who’s the other kid?’ John asked.
‘I think it’s his friend, Ben.’
Slouched in their seats, they were dressed in the style favored by most sixteen-year-old boys: long, baggy athletic shorts, T-shirts, and untied tennis shoes. A navy blue backpack sat on the floor at T.J.’s feet.
‘Are you sure this is what you want to do?’ John asked. He shoved his hands in his back pockets and stared down at the worn airport carpeting.
Well, one of us has to do something. ‘Yes.’
‘Please don’t make any final decisions until you get back.’
I didn’t point out the irony in his request. ‘I said I wouldn’t.’
There was really only one option, though. I just chose to postpone it until the end of the summer.
John put his arms around my waist and kissed me, several seconds longer than he should have in such a public place. Embarrassed, I pulled away. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed T.J. and Ben watching it all.
‘I love you,’ he said.
I nodded. ‘I know.’
Resigned, he picked up my carry-on bag and placed the strap on my shoulder. ‘Have a safe flight. Call me when you get there.’
‘Okay.’
John left and I watched until the crowd enveloped him, then smoothed the front of my skirt and walked over to the boys. They looked down as I approached.
‘Hi, T.J. You look great. Are you ready to go?’
His brown eyes briefly met mine. ‘Yeah, sure.’ He had gained weight and his face wasn’t as pale. He had braces on his teeth, which I hadn’t noticed before, and a small scar on his chin.
‘Hi. I’m Anna,’ I said to the boy sitting next to T.J. ‘You must be Ben. How was your party?’
He glanced at T.J., confused. ‘Uh, it was okay.’
I pulled out my cell phone and looked at the time. ‘I’ll be right back, T.J. I want to check on our flight.’
As I walked away I heard Ben say, ‘Dude, your babysitter is smokin’ hot.’
‘She’s my tutor, asshole.’
The words rolled off me. I taught at a high school and considered occasional comments from hormone-riddled boys a fairly benign occupational hazard.
After confirming we were still on schedule, I returned and sat in the empty chair next to T.J. ‘Did Ben leave?’
‘Yeah. His mom got tired of circling the airport. He wouldn’t let her come in with us.’
‘Do you want to get something to eat?’
He shook his head. ‘I’m not hungry.’
We sat in awkward silence until it was time to board the plane. T.J. followed me down the narrow aisle to our first class seats. ‘Do you want the window?’ I asked.
T.J. shrugged. ‘Sure. Thanks.’
I stepped to the side and waited until he sat down, then buckled in next to him. He took a portable CD player out of his backpack and put the headphones on, his subtle way of letting me know he wasn’t interested in having a conversation. I pulled a book out of my carry-on bag, the pilot lifted off, and we left Chicago behind.
Things started to go wrong in Germany. It should have taken a little over eighteen hours to fly from Chicago to Malé – the capital city of the Maldives – but we’d fallen behind schedule after spending the entire day and half the night at the Frankfurt International Airport waiting for the airline to re-route us after mechanical problems and weather delays rendered our original itinerary obsolete. T.J. and I sat on hard plastic chairs at 3:00 a.m. after finally being confirmed on the next flight out. He rubbed his eyes.
I pointed to a row of empty seats. ‘Lie down if you want.’
‘I’m okay,’ he said, stifling a yawn.
‘We aren’t leaving for several hours. You should try to sleep.’
‘Aren’t you tired?’
I was exhausted, but T.J. probably needed the rest more than I did. ‘I’m fine. You go ahead.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Okay.’ He smiled faintly. ‘Thanks.’ He stretched out on the chairs and fell asleep immediately.
I stared out the window and watched the planes land and take off again, their red lights blinking in the night sky. The frigid air conditioning raised goose bumps on my arms, and I shivered in my skirt and sleeveless blouse. In a nearby restroom, I changed into the jeans and long-sleeved T-shirt I’d packed in my carry-on bag, then bought a cup of coffee. When I sat back down next to T.J., I opened my book and read, waking him three hours later when they called our flight.
There were more delays after we arrived in Sri Lanka – this time due to a shortage of flight crew – and by the time we landed at Malé International Airport in the Maldives, the Callahan’s summer rental still two hours away by seaplane, I had been awake for thirty hours. My temples throbbed and my eyes, gritty and aching, burned. When they said they had no reservation for us, I blinked back tears.
‘But I have the confirmation number,’ I said to the ticket agent, sliding the scrap of paper across the counter. ‘I updated our reservation before we left Sri Lanka. Two seats. T.J. Callahan and Anna Emerson. Will you please look again?’
The ticket agent checked the computer. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘Your names are not on the list. The seaplane is full.’
‘What about the next flight?’
‘It will be dark soon. Seaplanes don’t fly after sunset.’ Noticing my stricken expression, he gave me a sympathetic look, tapped his keyboard, and picked up the phone. ‘I’ll see what I can do.’
‘Thank you.’
T.J. and I walked to a small gift shop, and I bought two bottles of water. ‘Do you want one?’
‘No thanks.’
‘Why don’t you put it in your backpack,’ I said, handing it to him. ‘You might want it later.’
I dug a bottle of Tylenol out of my purse, shook two into my hand, and swallowed them with some water. We sat down on a bench, and I called T.J.’s mom, Jane, and told her not to expect us until morning.
‘There’s a chance they’ll find us a flight, but I don’t think we’ll get out tonight. The seaplanes don’t fly after dark so we may have to spend the night at the airport.’
‘I’m sorry, Anna. You must be exhausted,’ she said.
‘It’s okay, really. We’ll be there tomorrow for sure.’ I covered the phone with my hand. ‘Do you want to talk to your mom?’ T.J. made a face and shook his head.
I noticed the ticket agent waving at me. He was smiling. ‘Jane, listen I think we might –’ and then my cell phone dropped the call. I put the phone back in my purse and approached the counter, holding my breath.
‘One of the charter pilots can fly you to the island,’ the ticket agent said. ‘The passengers he was supposed to take are delayed in Sri Lanka and won’t get here until tomorrow morning.’
I exhaled and smiled. ‘That’s wonderful. Thank you for finding us a flight. I really appreciate it.’ I tried to call T.J.’s parents again, but my cell phone roamed without connecting. Hopefully I’d get a signal when we arrived on the island. ‘Ready, T.J.?’
‘Yeah,’ he said, grabbing his backpack.
A mini-bus dropped us off at the air taxi terminal. The agent checked us in at the counter, and we walked outside.
The Maldives’ climate reminded me of the steam room at my gym. Immediately, beads of sweat broke out on my forehead and the back of my neck. My jeans and long-sleeved T-shirt trapped the hot, humid air against my skin, and I wished I had changed back into something cooler.
Is it this sweltering all the time?
An airport employee stood on the dock next to a seaplane that bobbed gently on the water’s surface. He beckoned us. When T.J. and I reached him, he opened the door and we ducked our heads and boarded the plane. The pilot was sitting in his seat, and he smiled at us around a mouthful of cheeseburger.
‘Hi, I’m Mick.’ He finished chewing and swallowed. ‘Hope you don’t mind if I finish my dinner.’ He appeared to be in his late fifties and was so overweight he barely fit in the pilot’s seat. He wore cargo shorts and the largest tie-dye T-shirt I had ever seen. His feet were bare. Sweat dotted his upper lip and forehead. He ate the last bite of his cheeseburger and wiped his face with a napkin.
‘I’m Anna and this is T.J.,’ I said, smiling and reaching out to shake his hand. ‘Of course we don’t mind.’
The Twin Otter DHC-6 seated ten and smelled like airplane fuel and mildew. T.J. buckled himself in and stared out the window. I sat down across the aisle from him, shoved my purse and carry-on under the seat, and rubbed my eyes. Mick started the engines. The noise drowned out his voice, but when he turned his head to the side his lips moved as he communicated with someone on his radio headset. He motored away from the dock, picked up speed, and we were airborne.
I cursed my inability to sleep on airplanes. I’d always envied those who passed out the minute the plane took off and didn’t wake until the wheels touched down on the runway. I tried to doze, but the sunlight streaming through the seaplane’s windows, and my confused body clock, made drifting off impossible. When I gave up and opened my eyes, I caught T.J. staring at me. If the look on his face and the heat on mine was any indication, it embarrassed us both. He turned away, shoved his backpack under his head and fell asleep a few minutes later.
Restless, I unbuckled my seat belt and went to ask Mick how long it would be until we landed.
‘Maybe another hour or so.’ He motioned toward the co-pilot’s seat. ‘Sit down if you want.’
I sat down and buckled my seat belt. Shielding my eyes against the sun, I took in the breathtaking view. The sky, cloudless and cobalt above. The Indian Ocean, a swirl of mint green and turquoise blue below.
Mick rubbed the center of his chest with his fist and reached for a roll of antacids. He put one in his mouth. ‘Heartburn. That’s what I get for eating cheeseburgers. But they taste so much better than a damn salad, you know?’ He laughed, and I nodded my head in agreement.
‘So, where are you two from?’
‘Chicago.’
‘What do you do there in Chicago?’ He popped another antacid into his mouth.
‘I teach tenth-grade English.’
‘Ah, summers off.’
‘Well, not for me. I usually tutor students in the summer.’ I motioned toward T.J. ‘His parents hired me to help him catch up with his class. He had Hodgkin’s lymphoma and he missed a lot of school.’
‘I thought you looked way too young to be his mom.’
I smiled. ‘His parents and sisters flew down a few days ago.’
I wasn’t able to leave as early as the Callahan’s because the public high school where I taught let out for summer break a few days later than the private high school T.J. attended. When T.J. found out, he convinced his parents to let him stay behind in Chicago for the weekend and fly down with me instead. Jane Callahan had called to see if it was all right.
‘His friend Ben is having a party. He really wants to go. Are you sure you don’t mind?’ she asked.
‘Not at all,’ I said. ‘It will give us a chance to get to know each other.’
I’d only met T.J. once, when I interviewed with his parents. It would take a while for him to warm up to me; it always did when I worked with a new student, especially a teenage boy.
Mick’s voice interrupted my thoughts. ‘How long are you staying?’
‘For the summer. They rented a house on the island.’
‘So he’s okay now?’
‘Yes. His parents said he was pretty sick for a while, but he’s been in remission for a few months.’
‘Nice location for a summer job.’
I grinned. ‘It beats the library.’
We flew in silence for a while. ‘Are there really twelve hundred islands down there?’ I asked. I’d only counted three or four, scattered across the water like giant puzzle pieces. I waited for his answer. ‘Mick?’
‘What? Oh, yes, give or take a few. Only about two hundred are inhabited, but I expect that to change with all the development going on. There’s a new hotel or resort opening every month.’ He chuckled. ‘Everybody wants a piece of paradise.’
Mick rubbed his chest again and took his left arm off the control yoke, stretching it out in front of him. I noticed his pained expression and the light sheen of sweat on his forehead. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine. I’ve just never had heartburn this bad before.’ He put two more antacids in his mouth and crumpled the empty wrapper.
An uneasy feeling washed over me. ‘Do you want to call someone? If you show me how to use the radio I can call for you.’
‘No, I’ll be fine once these antacids start working.’ He took a deep breath and smiled at me. ‘Thank you, though.’
He seemed okay for a while, but ten minutes later he took his right hand off the yoke and rubbed his left shoulder. Sweat trickled down the side of his face. His breathing sounded shallow, and he shifted in his seat as if he couldn’t find a comfortable position. My uneasy feeling blossomed into sheer panic.
T.J. woke up. ‘Anna,’ he said, loud enough for me to hear him over the engines. I turned around. ‘Are we almost there?’
I unbuckled and went back to sit beside T.J. Not wanting to shout, I pulled him closer and said, ‘Listen, I’m pretty sure Mick’s having a heart attack. He has chest pains and he looks awful, but he’s blaming it on heartburn.’
‘What! Are you serious?’
I nodded. ‘My dad survived a major heart attack last year, so I know what to watch for. I think he’s scared to admit there’s something wrong.’
‘What about us? Can he still fly the plane?’
‘I don’t know.’
T.J. and I approached the cockpit. Mick had both fists pressed against his chest and his eyes were closed. His headset sat askew and his face had taken on a grayish cast.
I crouched down next to his seat, fear rippling through me. ‘Mick.’ My tone was urgent. ‘We need to call for help.’
He nodded. ‘I’m going to put us down on the water first and then one of you will have to get on the radio,’ he gasped, trying to get the words out. ‘Put on life jackets. They’re in the storage compartment by the door. Then get in your seats and buckle in.’ He grimaced in pain. ‘Go!’
My heart thundered in my chest and adrenaline flooded my body. We rushed to the storage compartment and rifled through it.
‘Why do we have to put on life jackets, Anna? The plane has floats, right?’
Because he’s afraid he might not get us out of the air in time.
’I don’t know, maybe it’s standard operating procedure. We’re landing in the middle of the ocean.’ I found the life jackets wedged between a cylinder-shaped container that said LIFE RAFT and several blankets. ‘Here,’ I said, handing one to T.J. and putting mine on. We sat down and fastened our seatbelts, my hands shaking so badly it took me two tries.
‘If he loses consciousness I’ll need to start CPR immediately. You’ll have to figure out the radio, T.J., okay?’
He nodded, his eyes wide. ‘I can do that.’
I gripped the armrests of my seat and watched out the window, the rolling surface of the ocean growing closer. But then instead of slowing we picked up speed, descending at a steep angle. I glanced toward the front of the plane. Mick was slumped over the yoke, not moving. I unbuckled my seat belt and lunged into the aisle.
‘Anna,’ T.J. yelled. The hem of my T-shirt slipped through his grasp.
Before I could reach the cockpit, Mick jerked backward in his seat, his hands still on the yoke, as a massive spasm racked his chest. The nose of the plane pulled up sharply and we hit the water tail-first, skipping erratically across the waves. The tip of a wing caught the surface and the plane cartwheeled out of control.
The impact knocked me off my feet, as if someone had tied a rope around my ankles and yanked it hard. The sound of shattering glass filled my ears, and I had the sensation of flying followed by searing pain as the plane broke apart.
I plunged into the ocean, seawater pouring down my throat. Completely disoriented, the buoyancy of my life jacket lifted me slowly upward. My head broke the surface, and I coughed uncontrollably, trying to get the air in and the water out.
T.J.! Oh God, where is T.J.?
I pictured him trapped in his seat, unable to get his seatbelt unbuckled, and I scanned the water frantically, squinting in the sun and screaming his name. Just when I thought he had certainly drowned, he surfaced, choking and sputtering.
I swam toward him, tasting blood, my head throbbing so hard I thought it might explode. When I reached T.J., I grabbed his hand and tried to tell him how happy I was that he made it, but my words wouldn’t come out right and I drifted in and out in a hazy fog.
T.J. yelled at me to wake up. I remembered high waves and swallowing more water and then I remembered nothing at all.
Seawater churned all around me, up my nose, down my throat, in my eyes. I couldn’t breathe without choking. Anna swam toward me, crying and bleeding and screaming. She grabbed my hand and tried to talk, but her words came out all fucked up, and I couldn’t understand anything she said. Her head wobbled, and she splashed face-down in the water. I pulled her up by her hair. ‘Wake up, Anna, wake up!’ The waves were so high, and I was afraid we’d get separated, so I shoved my right arm under the strap of her life jacket and held onto her. I lifted her face up. ‘Anna. Anna!’ Oh God. Her eyes stayed shut and she didn’t respond, so I shoved my left arm under the other strap of her life jacket and leaned back with her lying on my chest.
The current pulled us away from the wreckage. The pieces of the plane disappeared below the surface, and it didn’t take long before there was nothing left. I tried not to think about Mick strapped in his seat.
I floated, stunned, my heart pounding in my chest. Surrounded by nothing but rolling waves, I tried to keep our heads above water and forced myself not to panic.
Will they know we crashed? Were they tracking us on radar?
Maybe not, because no one came.
The sky darkened and the sun went down. Anna mumbled. I thought she might be waking up, but her body shook and she puked on me. The waves washed it away, but she trembled and I pulled her closer, trying to share body heat. I was cold, too, even though the water had felt warm right after the crash. There wasn’t any moonlight, and I could barely see the surface of the water around us, black now, not blue.
I worried about sharks. I freed one of my arms and put my hand under Anna’s chin, lifting her head off my chest. I’d felt something warm just below my neck where her head rested. Was she still bleeding? I tried to get her to wake up, but she’d only respond if I shook her face. She wouldn’t talk, but she’d moan. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I wanted to know if she was alive. She didn’t move for a long time, which freaked me out, but then she puked again and shivered in my arms.
I tried to stay calm, breathing slowly in and out. Handling the waves was easier floating on my back, and Anna and I rode them as the current carried us. The seaplanes wouldn’t fly in the dark, but I was sure they’d send one when the sun came up. Someone would have to know we’d crashed by then.
My parents don’t even know we were on that plane.
Hours passed, and I didn’t see any sharks. Maybe they were there, and I didn’t know it. Exhausted, I dozed for a while, letting my legs hang down instead of fighting to keep them near the surface. I tried not to think of the sharks that might be circling below.
When I shook Anna again, she didn’t respond. I thought I could feel her chest rising and falling, but I wasn’t sure. There was a loud splash, and I jerked upright. Anna’s head fell loosely to the side, and I pulled it back toward me. The splashing continued, almost like a rhythm. Picturing not just one shark but five, ten, maybe more, I spun around. Something jutted out of the water, and it took me a second to figure out what it was. The splashing was the waves hitting the reef surrounding an island.
I’d never felt such massive relief in my whole life, not even when the doctor told us my cancer was gone and the treatment had finally worked.
The current pulled us closer to the island but we weren’t heading straight at it. If I didn’t do something, we’d pass it by.
I couldn’t use my arms because they were still under the straps of Anna’s life jacket, so I stayed on my back and kicked my feet. My shoes fell off, but I didn’t care; I should have taken them off hours ago.
Land was still fifty yards away. Farther off-course than before, I had no choice but to use one of my arms, and I sidestroked, dragging Anna’s face through the water.
I lifted my head. We were close. Kicking frantically, my lungs on fire, I swam as hard I could.
We reached the calm water of the lagoon inside the reef, but I didn’t stop swimming until my feet touched the sandy bottom of the ocean floor. I had only enough energy to drag Anna out of the water and onto the shore before I collapsed next to her and passed out.
The blazing sun woke me. Stiff and sore, I could only see out of one of my eyes. I sat up and took off my life jacket, then looked over at Anna. Her face was swollen and bruised, and cuts crisscrossed her cheeks and forehead. She lay still.
My heart hammered in my chest, but I made myself reach over and touch her neck. Her skin felt warm and relief washed over me a second time when I felt her pulse beating under my fingers. She was alive but the only thing I knew about head injuries was that she probably had one. What if she never woke up?
I shook her carefully. ‘Anna, can you hear me?’ She didn’t respond so I shook her again.
I waited for her to open her eyes. They were amazing, big and dark grayish-blue. They were the first thing I noticed when I met her. She had come to our apartment to interview with my parents, and I was embarrassed because she was beautiful and I was skinny and bald and looked like shit.
Come on Anna, let me see your eyes.
I shook her harder and it was only when she finally opened them that I slowly let out the breath I’d been holding.
Two blurry images of T.J. hovered above me, and I blinked until they merged into one. He had cuts on his face and his left eye was swollen shut.
‘Where are we?’ I asked. My voice sounded scratchy and my mouth tasted like salt.
‘I don’t know. Some island.’
‘What about Mick?’ I asked.
T.J. shook his head. ‘What was left of the plane sank fast.’
‘I can’t remember anything.’
‘You passed out in the water, and when I couldn’t wake you up I thought you were dead.’
My head throbbed. I touched my forehead and winced when my fingers grazed a large bump. Something sticky coated the side of my face. ‘Am I bleeding?’
T.J. leaned toward me and combed through my hair with his fingers, looking for the source of the blood. I cried out when he found it.
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s a deep cut. It’s not bleeding as much now. It bled a lot more when we were in the water.’
Fear gripped me, traveling through my body like a wave. ‘Were there sharks?’
‘I don’t know. I didn’t see any, but I was worried about it.’
I took a deep breath and sat up. The beach spun. Placing my hands flat on the sand, I braced myself until the worst of the dizziness passed. ‘How did we get here?’ I asked.
‘I looped my arms through the straps of your life jacket, and we drifted with the current until I saw the shore. Then I dragged you up on the sand.’
The realization of what he’d done sank in. I looked out at the water and didn’t say anything for a minute. I thought about what might have happened if he’d let go of me or if the sharks had come or if there hadn’t been an island. ‘Thank you, T.J.’
‘Sure,’ he said, only meeting my gaze for a few seconds before looking away.
‘Are you hurt?’ I asked.
‘I’m okay. I think I hit my face on the seat in front of me.’
I tried to stand and failed, overcome by dizziness. T.J. helped me back up and this time I stayed on my feet. I unbuckled my life jacket and let it drop on the sand.
I turned away from the shore and looked inland. The island looked just like the pictures I’d seen on the Internet except it didn’t have a luxury hotel or any vacation homes sitting on it. Barefoot, the pristine white sand felt like sugar under my feet; I had no idea what had happened to my shoes. The beach gave way to flowering shrubs and tropical vegetation and then finally a forested area where trees grew close together, their leaves forming a green canopy. The sun, high in the sky, burned with an intense heat. The ocean breeze failed to lower my rising body temperature, and sweat trickled down my face. My clothes clung to my damp skin.
‘I have to sit back down.’ My stomach churned, and I thought I might throw up. T.J. sat down next to me and when the nausea finally passed I said, ‘Don’t worry. They have to know we crashed and they’ll send a search plane.’
‘Do you have any idea where we are?’ he asked.
‘Not really.’
I used my finger to draw in the sand. ‘The islands are grouped in a chain of twenty-six atolls running north to south. This is where we were headed.’ I pointed to one of the marks I made. I dragged my finger through the sand and pointed at another. ‘This is Malé, where we started. We’re somewhere in between, I guess, unless the current took us east or west. I don’t know if Mick stayed on course, and I don’t know if seaplanes file a flight plan or if they’re tracked on radar.’
‘My mom and dad have got to be freaking out.’
‘Yes.’ T.J.’s parents had undoubtedly tried to call my cell phone, but it was probably at the bottom of the ocean by now.
Should we build a signal fire? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you’re lost? Build a fire so they know where you are?
I had no idea how to build one. My survival skills were limited to what I had seen on T.V. or read in books. Neither of us wore glasses, otherwise we could have angled a lens toward the sun. We didn’t have any flint or steel either. That left friction, but did rubbing sticks together actually work? Maybe we didn’t need to worry about a fire, at least not yet. They’d see us if they were flying low and we stayed near the beach.
We tried to spell out SOS. First we used our feet to flatten the sand, but we didn’t think it would be visible from the air. Next, we tried to use leaves but the breeze scattered them before we could form letters. There weren’t any large rocks to hold the leaves down, only pebbles and fragments of what I thought were coral. Moving around made us hotter and the pain in my head worse. We gave up and sat down.
My face burned in the sun and T.J.’s arms and legs turned red. Soon we had no choice but to move away from the shore and take shelter under a coconut tree. Coconuts covered the ground, and I knew they contained water. We banged them against the trunk of the tree, but we couldn’t get them open.
Sweat ran down my face. I gathered my hair into a pile and held it on top of my head. My swollen tongue and dry mouth made it hard to swallow.
‘I’m gonna take a look around,’ T.J. said. ‘Maybe there’s water here somewhere.’ He hadn’t been gone long when he came back to the coconut tree holding something in his hand.
‘I didn’t see any water but I found this.’
It was the size of a grapefruit and green, spiny lumps covered its surface.
‘What is it?’ I asked.
‘I don’t know, but maybe it’s got water inside, like the coconuts.’
T.J. peeled it, using his fingernails. Whatever it was, the bugs had gotten there first and he dropped it on the ground, kicking it away with his foot.
‘I found it under a tree,’ he said. ‘There were lots of them hanging but they were up too high for me to reach. If you get on my shoulders, you might be able to knock one down. Do you think you can walk?’
I nodded. ‘If we go slow.’
When we arrived at the tree, T.J. clasped my hand and helped me climb onto his shoulders. I stood five-six and weighed a hundred and twenty pounds. T.J. had at least four inches and probably thirty pounds on me, but he wobbled a bit trying to hold me steady. I reached up as high as I could, my fingers stretching toward the fruit. I couldn’t get a grip on it, so I hit it with my fist instead. The first two times it didn’t budge, but I hit it a little harder and it went flying. T.J. lowered me to the ground, and I picked it up.
‘I still don’t know what this is,’ he said, after I handed it to him.
‘It might be breadfruit.’
‘What’s that?’
‘It’s a fruit that’s supposed to taste like bread.’
T.J. peeled it, and the fragrant smell reminded me of guava. We divided it in half and sucked on the fruit, the juice flooding our dry mouths. We chewed and swallowed the pieces. The rubbery texture probably meant the breadfruit needed to ripen longer, but we ate it anyway.
‘This doesn’t taste like bread to me,’ T.J. said.
‘Maybe it would if it was cooked.’
After we finished it, I climbed back on T.J.’s shoulders and knocked down two more, which we consumed immediately. Then we walked back to the coconut tree, sat down, and waited again.
Late in the afternoon, with no warning, the sky opened up and a torrential rain poured down on us. We got out from under the tree, turned our faces to the sky, and opened our mouths, but the rain ended ten minutes later.
‘It’s the rainy season,’ I said. ‘It should rain every day, probably more than once.’ We didn’t have anything to collect the water in, and the drops I managed to catch on my tongue only made me want more.
‘Where are they?’ T.J. asked when the sun went down. The desperation in his voice matched my own emotional state.
‘I don’t know.’ For reasons I couldn’t fathom, the plane hadn’t come. ‘They’ll find us tomorrow.’
We moved back to the beach and stretched out on the sand, resting our heads on our life jackets. The air cooled and the wind blowing off the water made me shiver. I wrapped my arms around myself and curled into a ball, listening to the rhythmic crashing of the waves hitting the reef.
We heard them before we figured out what they were. A flapping sound filled the air followed by the silhouettes of hundreds, maybe thousands, of bats. They blocked out the sliver of moonlight, and I wondered if they’d been hanging above us somewhere when we walked to the breadfruit tree.
T.J. sat up. ‘I’ve never seen so many bats.’
We watched them for a while and eventually they scattered, off to hunt elsewhere. A few minutes later, T.J. fell asleep. I stared up at the sky, knowing that no one was searching for us in the dark. Any rescue mission undertaken during the daylight hours wouldn’t resume until morning. I pictured T.J.’s distraught parents, waiting for the sun to rise. The possibility of my family getting a call brought tears to my eyes.
I thought about my sister, Sarah, and a conversation I’d had with her a couple months ago. We’d met for dinner at a Mexican restaurant and when the waiter brought our drinks I took a sip of my margarita and said, ‘I accepted that tutoring job I told you about. With the kid who had cancer.’ I set my drink down, scooped some salsa onto a tortilla chip, and popped it in my mouth.
‘The one where you have to go on vacation with them?’ she asked.
‘Yes.’
‘You’ll be gone so long. What does John think about this?’
‘John and I had the marriage talk again. But this time I told him I also wanted a baby.’ I shrugged. ‘I figured, why not go for broke?’
‘Oh, Anna,’ Sarah said.
Until recently, I hadn’t really given much thought to having a baby. I was perfectly content being an aunt to Sarah’s kids – two-year-old Chloe and five-year-old Joe. But then everyone I knew started thrusting blanket-wrapped bundles at me to hold, and I realized I wanted one of my own. The intensity of my baby fever, and the subsequent ticking of my biological clock, surprised me. I always thought the desire to have a child was something that happened slowly, but one day it was just there.
‘I can’t do this anymore, Sarah,’ I continued. ‘How could he handle a baby when he can’t even commit to marriage?’ I shook my head. ‘Other women make this look so easy. They meet someone, fall in love, and they get married. Maybe in a year or two they start a family. Simple, right? When John and I discuss our future, it’s about as romantic as a real estate transaction, with almost as much countering.’ I grabbed my cocktail napkin and wiped my eyes.
‘I’m sorry, Anna. Frankly, I don’t know how you’ve waited this long. Seven years seems like enough time for John to figure out what he wants.’
‘Eight, Sarah. It’s been eight.’ I picked up my drink and finished it in two big gulps.
‘Oh. I missed a year in there somewhere.’ Our waiter stopped by and asked if we wanted another round.
‘You should probably just keep them coming,’ Sarah told him. ‘So, how did the conversation end?’
‘I told him I was leaving for the summer, that I needed to get away for a while to think about what I wanted.’
‘What did he say?’
‘The same thing he always says. That he loves me, but he’s just not ready. He’s always been honest, but I think for the first time he realized that maybe it’s not just his decision to make.’
‘Did you talk to Mom about it?’ Sarah asked.
‘Yes. She told me to ask myself if my life was better with him or without him.’
Sarah and I were lucky. Our mother had perfected the art of giving simple, yet practical, advice. She stayed neutral, and she never judged. A parental anomaly, according to many of our girlfriends.
‘Well, what’s your answer?’
‘I’m not sure, Sarah. I love him, but I don’t think that’s going to be enough for me.’ I needed time to think, to be sure, and Tom and Jane Callahan had given me the perfect opportunity to get some distance. Literal space to make my decision.
‘He’ll see this as an ultimatum,’ Sarah said.
‘Of course he will.’ I took another drink of my margarita.
‘You’re handling it pretty well.’
‘That’s because I haven’t actually broken up with him yet.’
‘Maybe it is a good idea for you to be alone for a while, Anna. Sort things out and decide what you want for the rest of your life.’
‘I don’t have to sit and wait for him, Sarah. I have plenty of time to find someone who wants the same things I do.’
‘You do.’ She finished her margarita and smiled at me. ‘And look at you, jetting off to exotic locations just because you can.’ She sighed. ‘I wish I could go with you. The closest thing I’ve had to a vacation in the last year was when David and I took the kids to see the tropical fish at Shedd Aquarium.’
Sarah juggled marriage, parenting, and a full-time job. Flying solo to a tropical paradise probably sounded like nirvana to her.
We paid our bill and as we walked to the train I thought that maybe, just this once, my grass was a little greener. That if my situation had an upside, it was the freedom to spend the summer on a beautiful island if I felt like it.
So far, that plan hadn’t worked out very well.
My head ached, my stomach growled, and I’d never been so thirsty in my life. Shivering, my head resting on my life jacket, I tried not to think about how long it might take them to find us.
I woke up as soon as it got light. Anna was already awake, sitting on the sand beside me looking up at the sky. My stomach growled, and I didn’t have any spit.
I sat up. ‘Hey. How’s your head?’
‘Still pretty sore,’ she said.
Her face was kind of a mess, too. Purple bruises covered her swollen cheeks and there was crusty, dried blood near her hairline.
We walked to the breadfruit tree and Anna climbed on my shoulders and knocked down two. I felt weak, unsteady, and it was hard to hold her. She got off and while we were standing there, a breadfruit fell off a branch and landed at our feet. We looked at each other.
‘That will make things easier,’ she said.
We cleared away the rotten breadfruit under the tree so if we came back and found any on the ground, we’d know we could eat them. I picked up the one that fell and peeled it. The juice tasted sweeter and the fruit wasn’t so hard to chew.
We desperately needed something to collect water in, and we walked along the shoreline looking for empty cans, bottles, containers – anything that was watertight and would hold the rain. We spotted debris, which I thought might be wreckage from the plane, but nothing else. The lack of any human garbage made me wonder just where the hell we were.
We went inland. The trees blocked the light from the sun and mosquitoes swarmed us. I slapped at them and wiped the sweat off my forehead with my arm. We saw the pond when we came to a small clearing. More like a large puddle, it was full of murky water, and my thirst kicked into overdrive.
‘Can we drink that?’ I asked.
Anna knelt down and stuck her hand in. She swirled the water around and wrinkled her nose at the smell. ‘No, it’s stagnant. It’s probably not safe to drink.’
We kept walking but we couldn’t find anything that would hold water so we went back to the coconut tree. I picked up one of the coconuts from the ground and smashed it against the trunk of the tree, then threw it when I couldn’t get it to crack. I kicked the tree, which hurt my foot. ‘Goddamn it!’
If I could get one coconut open, we could drink the coconut water, eat the meat, and collect rain in the empty shell.
Anna didn’t seem to notice my tantrum. She shook her head back and forth and said, ‘I just don’t understand why we haven’t seen a plane yet. Where are they?’
I sat down next to her, breathing hard and sweating. ‘I don’t know.’ We didn’t say anything for a while, lost in our own thoughts. Finally, I said, ‘Do you think we should build a fire?’
‘Do you know how?’ she asked.
‘No.’ I’d lived in the city all my life, and I could count on one hand the number of times I’d been camping and still have fingers left over. And we’d lit our campfires with a lighter. ‘Do you?’
‘No.’
‘We could try to make one,’ I said. ‘We seem to have the time.’
She smiled at my lame attempt at a joke. ‘Okay.’
We rubbed two sticks together for the next hour. Anna managed to get hers hot enough to burn her finger before she quit. I did a little better – I thought I saw some smoke – but no fire. My arms ached.
‘I give up,’ I said, dropping my sticks and using the bottom of my T-shirt to wipe the sweat before it dripped into my eyes.
It started raining. I concentrated on trying to catch the drops on my tongue, grateful for the small amount of water I swallowed. The rain ended after a few minutes.
Still sweating, I walked down to the shore, stripped off my T-shirt, and waded in wearing just my shorts. The temperature of the lagoon reminded me of bathwater, but I ducked my head under and felt a little cooler. Anna followed me, stopping before she reached the water. She sat down on the sand, holding her long hair off her neck with one hand. She had to be roasting in her long-sleeved shirt and jeans. A few minutes later she stood up, hesitated, and then pulled her T-shirt over her head. She unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, stepped out of them, and walked toward me, wearing nothing but a black bra and matching underwear.