PUBLISHER’S NOTE

V&S Publishers have always been promoting good books that enrich the life of the common man and help him climb the ladder of success easily. This is the goal that we have been following with single-minded devotion.

To take us ceaselessly toward this goal, we have been engaging outstanding writers and specialists in various fields to write for us.

The present book is a compilation of Deft Definitions, a collection of the most rib-tickling and thought-provoking definitions gleaned from the best brains of mankind, from all times and climes. Every page bubbles with wit, wisdom and laughter. This is a compendium that comes in handy when one wants to find the apt quotations to pep up one’s talks or to breathe life into one’s speeches or writings. This is the book for anyone who wants to make a mark in this world, be he a student or a teacher, an administrator or a politician, a social worker or a business magnate.

The collection has been made by Mr. R.K. Murthi from the scrap books he has been maintaining for over forty years. Mr. Murthi is one of India’s leading freelance writers. His middles and satires appear regularly in major newspapers and publications. He has also been effectively serving the cause of children’s literature and has won several national awards and prizes for his work in the field. He is currently the Secretary-General of the India Society of Authors and the Editor-in-Chief of Meghdutam, India’s literary magazine on the net.

We are confident that you will find this book immensely enjoyable.

Publisher.

CONTENTS

A

Absence

Accident

Actor

Acupuncture

Adam

Adult

Adultery

Adventure

Advertisement

Advice

Age

Agent

Aid

Air Pollution

Alimony

Alternative

America

Amour

Anatomy

Anger

Apartments

Apology

Appeaser

Apple

April 1

Archaeologist

Archbishop

Argument

Army

Art

Artist

Assassination

Astrologer

Astronomy

Auctioneer

Axis

B

Baby

Bachelor

Bad Habit

Baker

Baldness

Bank

Bank Account

Bankruptcy

Barber

Bar Attendant

Bargain

Basket

Bathroom Scale

Beach

Beard

Beauty

Bed

Bee

Beggar

Belittle

Belt

Best Liar

Bias

Bigamy

Big Gun

Birth

Blackmail

Black Eye

Black Money

Blanket

Body

Bofors

Books

Book’s Success

Bore

Boss

Brain

Bras

Brevity

Britain

British Tourist

Budget

Bull

Bulldozer

Bureaucrat

Bus

Business

Butterfly

C

Calendar

Camouflage

Cannibal

Cap

Careful Driver

Caricature

Car

Cartoon

Casket

Cauliflower

Caution

Celebrity

Cemeteries

Censor

Censorship

Centipede

Certificate

Compliment

Chameleon

Chance

Change

Character

Charity

Chess

Chicken Man

Child

Chivalry

Chocolate

Christmas

Church

Cigarettes

Cinema

Citizen

City

Civilization

Civil Servant

Clever Woman

Closed Mouth

Cloud

Coal

Cock

Cocktail

College

Colour Tragedy

Committee

Common Sense

Communism

Communist

Commuter

Competition

Compromise

Camp

Conceit

Conclusion

Conceited Ass

Conference

Confidence

Confusion

Conscience

Conservatism

Consistency

Consistency

Contraceptive

Copyright Law

Cosmetics

Counterfeit

Coup

Courage

Cowardice

Crank

Creativity

Creditor

Critic

Crisis

Criticism

Crocodile Tears

Cult

Cupboard

Cure

Curiosity

Curriculum Vitae

Curved Line

Cutting Cost

Cynic

D

Dance

Day

Day Dreamer

Death

Debtor

Debutante

Decimal Point

Deep Waters

Democracy

Dentist

Despotism

Diamond

Diaper

Dictator

Diet

Dieter

Diplomacy

Diplomat

Discipline

Discretion

Diver

Divorce

Divorce Lawyer

Doctor

Dog

Dogma

Door

Doorman

Dowry

Drinking

Duplicity

Duty

Dynasty

Dyspepsia

E

Earthquake

Echo

Economy

Economist

Editor

Education

Efficiency Expert

Egotist

Election Time

Enemy

Engagement

English Language

Envy

Epigram

Epitaph

Equator

Err

Eskimo

Etcetera

Eternal Struggle

Etiquette

Event

Exaggeration

Executive

Exercise

Experience

Expert

Extravagance

F

Face

Failure

Faith

Falsies

Fame

Family life

Fanatic

Fashion

Fat

Fat man

Fate

Fear

Feminine Beauty

Fiction

Fingerprint Expert

Firmness

Flattery

Flexibility

Flirt

Fool

Forbidden Fruit

Fraction

Freckles

Freedom

Friend

Frugality

Funny

Future

G

Gambling

Gardening

Genealogist

Genius

Gentleman

Giraffe

Girdle

God

Gold

Golf

Good Book

Good Bowler

Good Manager

Good Readers

Good Teacher

Gossip

Government

Graffiti

Greatness

Gratitude

Grave

Grey

Grumble

H

Habit

Hamlet

Handsome

Hard Luck

Happiness

Hay

Heaven

Helen

Hell

Heresy

Highbrow

High Horse

Hippie

History

Historian

Holiday

Hollywood

Home

Honest Man

Honest Politician

Honeymoon

Hope

Horse Power

Horse Sense

Hot Pants

Hug

Humanity

Humility

Humour

Husband

Hypochondriac

Hypocrisy

I

Ice

Ideal Wife

Idealist

Ideal Summer Resort

Ideas

Idleness

Ignorance

Imagination

Imitation

Impossible Politician

Income Tax

Inconsistency

Indecision

Indifference

Inflation

Inspiration

Intellectual

Intersection

Intuition

Irish

Irony

Itch

J

Jargon

Jazz

Jealousy

Jeans

Jew

Joneses

Journalist

Jury

Justice

K

Karate

Kindness

Kiss

Knowledge

Know-it-AII

L

Lady

Lilian Day

Laughter

Law

Lawyer

Leisure

Liar

Liberated Woman

Libertine

Liberty/Freedom

Lie

Life

Laughing Matters

Life Insurance

Lightning

Lisp

Literature

Logic

London

Love

Love Triangle

Luck

Lucky Man

M

Magician

Man

Manicurist

Manners

Marriage

Maternity Dress

Matrimony

Maturity

Memories

Memory

Middle Age

Middle East

Mind

Mini Skirt

Miracle

Mirror

Miser

Mob

Modern Bride

Modern Man

Modesty

Money

Mosquito

Mother

Motorist

Mountain

Moustache

Mouth

Music

N

Nagging

Nationalism

Nature

Necessity

Needle

Nest’s Eggs

Neurotic

Neutrality

New Dress

Night

No

Nostalgia

O

Obesity

Obsolete

Obstinate Man

Old Age

Opinion

Opportunist

Opportunity

Optimist

Oratory

Organized Man

Originality

P

Panic

Paradox

Parrot

Past

Patience

Patient

Patriot

Patriotism

Patron

Peace

Pearl

Pedantry

Pedestrian

Pep Talk

Perfection

Perfume

Pessimist

Philosophy

Pill

Plagiarism

Plagiarist

Poet

Poetry

Poise

Politeness

Politician

Politics

Pollution

Power

Precedent

Prejudice

Press

Prevention

Price

Pride

Principles

Press

Procrastination

Professor

Promises

Propaganda

Progress

Prose

Proverb

Public Opinion

Public Speaking

Psychiatrist

Q

Queue

Quotation

R

Racism

Radical

Rain

Rainbow

Rare Book

Rat

Reactionary

Real Rich Man

Rebels

Regret

Religion

Remarriage

Rerun

Respectability

Revenge

Rhythm Method

Rich Relatives

Responsibilities

Ring

Riot

Rivers

Rolling Pin

Rules

S

Saint

Samson

Santa Claus

Scapegoat

Scandal

Sceptic

Schizophrenic

Scholar

Science

School Bus

School Dropout

Soothsayers

Scoundrel

Secret

Secretary

Secularism

Security

Sermon

Sex

Sex Appeal

Shell

Shin

Shoe

Silence

Silent Dog

Simplicity

Sin

Slander

Slogan

Smile

Smog

Smoke

Smoker

Smuggler

Snob

Sob Story

Social Climbing

Solitude

Speech

Spelling

Spinster

Stage Fright

Stammerer

Standing Committee

Statistician

Straight Line

Strength

Strip Teaser

Statesman

Statues

Stone Age

Stork

Strip-teaser

Subsidy

Success

Successful Man

Superstition

Surtax

Survival

Swim Suit

Swimmer

Sympathy

T

Tabloid

Tact

Taxation

Taxidermist

Team Work

Tears

Teenage

Telephone

Television

Temper

Temptation

Theory

Thinking

Tight Skirt

Time

Tit for Tat

Today’s Graffiti

Today’s Rebel

Tokyo

Tolerance

Tomorrow

Treaties

Tree

Trust

Truth

Tune

U

Umbrella

Undertaker

United Nations

Unity

Ultimatum

Untold Wealth

V

Vacation

Vagabond

Vegetarian

Vestry

Virgin

Vision

Vulgarity

W

Waiting for Luck

War

Warranty

Wealth

Weather

Weathercock

White House

Wickedness

Wife

Wallet Emptier

Wig

Wild Goose

Wisdom

Wise Man

Wit

Women

Words

Work

World

Worm

Worry

Writer

Wolf

Worry

Y

Yawn

Youth

Z

Zebra

Zero

A

ABSENCE

Makes the heart grow fonder.

Diminishes little passions and whips up great ones.

ABSENT-M IN DEDNESS

Searching for the horse one is riding.

ACCIDENT

An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.

—Ambrose Bierce

What is caused by the nut behind the wheel.

ACTOR

One who tries to be everything but himself.

The star of the tinsel world.

His emotions are rarely ever his own.

ACUPUNCTURE

A jab well done.

Pin pricks.

Turns one into a pin cushion.

ADAM

In all history, he still stands out as the only indispensable man.

One still wishing he never had lent the rib to shape Eve.

ADULT

One who has stopped growing except in the middle.

An obsolete child.

ADULTERY

What man call gallantry and Gods adultery/Is much more common where the climate is sultry.

—Lord Byron

Something exclusive to adults.

ADVENTURE

The champagne of life.

—G.K. Chesterton

Makes one’s hair stand on ends.

Thrills that provide the frills for life.

ADVERTISEMENT

Cheapest way of selling goods particularly if the goods are worthless.

—Sinclair Lewis

Art of persuading others of what one does not believe oneself.

—Abba Eban

Field where meretricious mesmerists of mellifluous mendacity operate and thrive.

Rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

ADVICE

Free tip that nobody takes.

Everyone gives it; but there are no takers.

Money spinner for lawyers, doctors and professionals.

One readily accepts it when it comes with a bill.

Universally ignored.

What we give by the bushel and take by the grain.

Pass it on. It is of no use to oneself.

—Oscar Wilde

What is sought to confirm a position already taken.

AGE

Supposed to make one wise. Supposed to!

Time when the novelty has worn off.

Time to realise that setting the world on fire is a figure of speech.

—Franklin P. Jones

AGENT

One who takes his commission on all your gains, not your losses.

A middleman who bamboozles one party and plunders the other.

AID

Process by which you collect money from the poor people in the rich countries to give to the rich people in the poor countries.

AIR POLLUTION

A mist demeanour.

Killer blanket.

ALIMONY

Penalty for not staying single or staying married.

A tax paid for the pleasure of getting rid of a no-longer wanted source of pleasure.

A new impost that makes one go broke almost by the 10th of the month instead of the 20th when the ties were normal.

Duty for freedom from marital bonds.

A debt that a former husband would like to see cancelled.

A go-no-pay-later plan that benefits the fair sex.

ALTERNATIVE

A new option that mostly takes one from the frying pan into the fire.

Deft tinkering that often makes things worse.

AMERICA

Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

—Arnold Joynbee

A nation that thinks it’s the world’s heart throb.

AMOUR

Ability to make love frivolously, something man alone displays.

Passion’s barb.

ANATOMY

It is something that everyone has, but it looks better on a girl.

ANGER

Anger is not an argument.

—Daniel Webster

A condition when the tongue works faster than the mind. Temperature at which one loses one’s cool.

Two per cent moral, 48 per cent indignation and 50 percent envy.

—Votrio De Sica

A kind of temporary madness.

APARTMENTS

House divided.

Whose thin walls encourage eavesdropping.

APOLOGY

What the strong extract from the weak.

Unsaying something in such a way as to leave it unsaid.

Politeness too late.

APPEASER

One who feeds a crocodile… hoping it would eat him last.

—Winston Churchill, Argument

An ape trying to work out a peace that isn’t there.

APPLE

One that the general practitioner hates.

One mistakenly identified as the forbidden fruit.