cover

Contents

Cover

About the Book

About the Author

Also by Mary Morrissy

Dedication

Title Page

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Acknowledgements

Copyright

About the Book

Mother of Pearl, the first novel by an acclaimed Irish short-story writer, explores the disturbing territory of the divided self. Through the story of the kidnapping of a baby, the notion of personal history as received fiction is examined. The novel asks: what makes a family? Is it mere kinship through blood, or something more profound and intricate? What keeps it together? What tears it apart? The action of the novel is seen through the eyes of a baby's mother, the kidnapper and the child itself. Dramatic, blackly funny and tragically topical, Mother of Pearl is a remarkable achievement.

About the Author

Mary Morrissy has published three novels – Mother of Pearl, The Pretender and The Rising of Bella Casey – and a collection of short stories, A Lazy Eye (1993). She has won a Hennessy Award and a Lannan Literary Foundation Award and currently teaches at University College Cork.

BY MARY MORRISSY

A Lazy Eye

For my mother

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PART ONE

 

IT HAD STARTED as a shadow on Irene Rivers’ lung. She was eighteen, the new cashier at The Confectioner’s Hall (she was quick with figures). Autumn was in the air. Russet and gold. A playful breeze leapt out cheekily at the street corners; the silver-backed waves cavorted as if in the last hour of play before dark. The Queen Bea was making its way into the harbour, the blue stripe on its funnel like a festive ribbon as if the liner were a huge, floating gift. It glided, a colossus, between the huddled houses. Crowds of passengers lined the decks, shielding their eyes against the defiant sun and waved – poignantly – as Irene turned away from the sea.

The interior of the hospital was umber, dolorous as a church, the equipment mounted on a platform, a tabernacle housing an all-seeing eye. Irene felt the cold photographic plates press against her chest, heard the radiographer bark – chin up, deep breath, hold – and feared the worst. She didn’t have to see the clouded blue picture of her lungs, the flowery clumps of infection. From the moment she surrendered to the embrace of a device that rendered her transparent, there was a shadow not only on Irene’s lung, but on her life too.

Granitefield. Superstitiously, no one called it the sanatorium though in the end the mere mention of the name Granitefield was enough to signal death and the illness that dared not be spoken of. Irene was acclaimed there, the one the nurses pointed to as proof of cure. Our Irene, they called her, when no one else did. Her mother, horrified by the notion that she might have contaminated the family (though, in fact, the opposite was the case; years of living in a damp, quayside house had aggravated Irene’s condition), would have nothing more to do with her. She had, by her illness, disgraced the household, her mother believed. It spoke of poverty, a lack of hygiene. Her brothers dared not visit her. They would have had to explain their absence to a mother obsessed with contagion. Instead they helped to scour her room and burn her bedding. What they remembered of her shamed them. The skirmishing in the kitchen on the last day of their father’s shore leave almost two decades before. A lighthouse keeper, he lived on a cathedral of rock, a prisoner of the elements. Stroked only by an incessant beam and the beating of the waves against his citadel, his horizon determined by the mood of the furious sea. He was a stranger to his own, a brooding, silent man. Porter made him morose but it was people who demented him. After months of solitude, the rowdy pubs, the thronged seafront, their cramped and dingy house seemed to torment him. In the midst of this human surfeit the waves would suddenly roar in his head, the vicious dazzle of the giant lantern he tended would blind him momentarily and a boiling spume would swell within him; he lashed out at whoever was at hand. Jack had tried to intervene that day but what he came upon so shocked him – his mother straddled on the kitchen table, a great marbled breast exposed, her skirts rumpled around a shady crotch, his father rooting at her – that he turned and fled. Sonny cowered in the back yard peering through the scullery window in greedy awe at the two dim figures flailing among the shard and egg yolks. So that was what they did. It was the last time either son would abandon his mother.

For Irene, her father would always be the hermit in the tower on the craggy rock they called the Spaniard where he spent over half his life. She thought of him out at the edge of the land, proud and fierce, atop his beacon of light, the one fixed point in a turbulent sea. As storms lashed the coast, Irene could hear from the upstairs room on Mariner’s Quay the vast bellow of foghorns in the night. Their echoes stayed with Irene and grew into a lifelong dread of lonely places. Lying between icy sheets, the winds thundering at the gable, she imagined her father out there, a wounded beast howling at the water’s edge, and a fearful pity for him would seize her. It reached out across the sheltered harbour, weaving gingerly around the jagged inlets of the treacherous coastline, over the oyster-coloured mountains and finally took wing across the bilious sea. But it was a delicate connection, Irene knew, full of a feline wistfulness that could not survive in his invincible presence. The imminence of his arrival in their house – the very bricks seemed to shrink from him – was like the threat of a thunderous Force Ten. To his infant sons William Rivers loomed, much like the tower he had come from, so no matter how far they stretched back their necks they could see no end to him. And as they grew, this monumental awe he inspired turned into a treacherous respect. They circled around him, making glancing landfalls and dodging his flinty gaze.

Ellen Rivers, calcified by her husband’s tidal rages and the harshness of her solitary life, served him with surly resignation. She said little, surrendering instead to the venomous interior life that fuelled her. She had hailed from a village further up the estuary now totally abandoned. Famine and emigration had robbed it of its people; Ellen’s family had been the last to leave. Like Lot’s wife she had looked back on that day and had seen a crumbling jetty and a ramshackle collection of empty houses, some no more than crooked gables already sinking into the bog, and cursed the folly of loyalty and the uselessness of love. Only Irene was spared her father’s ire. He was no kinder to her than the others but he had never lifted his hand to her; in the Rivers’ household this was a significant indulgence.

Her condition deteriorated during one of the stormiest winters the country had ever endured. She was sent to Granitefield in late November; her father, trapped on his rock, did not come ashore until early in the new year. He was told simply that circumstances had forced her departure. She had had to ‘go away’. It implied an unwanted child.

‘How else could she be?’ Irene’s mother told him with some relish. ‘Your daughter.’

The bus was a beast driven. It bucked and swayed. Wipers clung gamely to its snout. Inside, nervous suitcases rattled overhead. Moisture rolled down Irene’s shoulder. Granitefield stood in a stretch of grizzled countryside, seeping grey stone (hence its name) giving way to barred, teeth-like windows. A few trees rose supplicant from the duncoloured fields. The hills were like bruises.

‘Hold your breaths, lads, it’s catching!’ a passenger muttered as they shuddered to a halt at the gates. That was as close as they dared go. As Irene alighted she was aware of faces, grim and curious, pressed up against the muddied windows. She had come to accept the sleeplessness, the fevers, the bone-weary torpor, but she could not bear the leprous gaze of those who had already given her up for dead. The bus slewed around, listing as it did into a large, mud-coloured puddle, drenching her from head to foot. She felt she had been spat at. A cough rattled in her chest. It pained her. She tried to draw a breath but the louring sky would not yield up to her the portion of air that was rightfully hers. She could feel her mouth filling up. She raised a handkerchief to her lips. It came away scarlet. I will die here, she thought, drowned in my own blood.

They put her in a bathing hut. A white pavilion, intricate of eave. It is high summer already; time has flown. She is the child kept in from play. Outside a blue tumult. She can hear the thud of footsteps on the boardwalk. Somewhere a tiny band is playing, or is it the blurred wheeze of an organ-grinder? There is the whip and flap of bunting, the high shrieks of bathers. A skinny boy, showing off, leaps from the jetty, arms outstretched, head thrown back, his legs cycling wildly in the air. Irene strains to hear the jubilant splash but it never comes. Instead the door of the white room opens and it is she who is in the water, adrift on a sea of pain, great, glinting waves of it that shatter into thousands of tiny shards before her eyes. The liner is going down, rent in two. She is huddled in the bow of a lifeboat, a shivering survivor. Icebergs, white and enormous as the pain, groan and creak, jostling to crush the damp timbers of her life raft. There is a ferocious snap as the mountains of ice, now open-jawed sharks, gnaw their way through the sea-rotten ribs that hold her little boat together. The timbers gape. She is swallowed by the deep …

The operation, they told her, had saved her. But she had lost four of her ribs, cracked open by a giant pair of shears. The pleural fluid which had clogged in her chest had been dispersed but Irene felt a dizzying vacuum where the congestion had been. The knowing gaze of the X-ray, trawling through the blue seabed of her innards, had been followed by the hands of a surgeon who had made a forced entry, kneading the soft, red, pulpy heart of her. Without her ribs Irene felt as if part of her protection against the world had been removed. It was not only the mutilation but the fact that her bodily home had been tampered with, a gable wall torn away and like a half-demolished house, the colour of the chimney breast, the trimmings of the parlour exposed to all.

As a patient, Irene learned to kill time. She acquired the prisoner’s knack of being able to drop off to sleep at any time. Whole days could be drowsed away that way, the long, grey afternoons in particular, which yawned and stalled, tickingly silent after the clamour of the mornings. They were woken in the eggshell dawn with a swish of curtain, a pumping of pillows, the rattle of breakfast trolleys. A mess of yolk, a slice of thinly toasted bread already curling at the edges, were slapped down on their trays.

‘Tea!’ Bridget from the kitchens would yell like the last call of the stationmaster.

‘Medication!’

These were the destinations of their day.

The cleaners came in at eight to buff the floors, the clattery din of their buckets and mops like the tattoo of an advancing army. They moved swiftly through the wards working stealthily under the beds and into unused comers. It seemed to Irene like a punishment, this daily scouring, as if they were suspected of having smuggled in germs overnight. Invisible to the invaders, the patients lay trapped in their beds – stranded on high ground – while beneath them the very floor they walked on was purged. If she had set her leg down, Irene was convinced that it too would have got the blind blessing of a cloth.

And then, the doctors …

Later, out of isolation, wrapped up and pushed out on the verandah to take the air, Irene learned to play cards. Beggar My Neighbour, Fish in the Pond, Old Maid, as if they were rain-bound children at the seaside. Her neighbour in the next bed was a nun, Sister Baptist. She dealt decorously, holding her cards close to her chest.

‘Now, poker, I’d be game for that,’ Charlie Piper would say, ‘a bit of honest-to-God gambling.’

Charlie Piper. These names would haunt Irene. Charlie Piper sold fire extinguishers. Selling and quelling, he used to say, that’s my game. Charlie Piper tried to escape by rowing across the lake. He thought he could cheat death by a simple act of daring. It was a frosty night. He pushed off from the rotting jetty and rowed out, plashing softly across the still surface. But there were currents out there and he hadn’t the strength to row back. They found him slumped in the boat which had got tangled in reeds near the far shore. He had almost made it to the other side.

‘That’s not the spirit, Mr Piper,’ Sister Baptist would reply tartly. ‘We play for the fun of it.’

Despite the lack of gain, Sister Baptist played with an exacting energy.

‘Snap!’ she would cry, gleefully gathering up a winning bundle. The games brought out the savage in her. Victory made her wilful and greedy.

Mr Powers peered over his spectacles, his jowls quivering. He had been a schoolmaster, though in Granitefield, Irene realised, it did not much matter what you had once been. She could imagine Mr Powers, a once portly man whose flesh was caving in now, stalking between the schoolboy rows rapping on the desks with his cane or bawling out the roll call. He would know his pupils only by their surnames. When he wasn’t pacing in the aisles he would stand at the back of the class so they would not know where he was at any given moment. And he would wait for the first boy to peer back over his shoulder …

But they had exacted their revenge. While he had been hearing tables, his charges had infected him.

At cards he was never quite quick enough. He pouted when he missed but played on manfully, confident now only of defeat.

‘Pick one from the top,’ Sister Baptist would bark at him.

He was bullied into death, slinking off before the game was finished.

Netta Cavendish grew petulant and quarrelsome at the card table. Netta blamed her dancing days for her present condition. Dance hall sawdust had irritated her breathing tubes, she said. That and a drenching after cycling home in the small hours of the morning. Like every patient at Granitefield, Netta had to justify her illness; none of them, Irene noticed, could accept the random hand of fate. It was all due to something they had done, or something they had failed to do.

‘You only dealt me six,’ Netta would wail.

She dithered endlessly before abandoning a card, fingering one and then another, afraid to make the final choice. She died in much the same way, refusing to relinquish because she felt she had been wronged.

The Mother of all the Boys kept the score. She was an amazon of a woman; broad in girth, her shoulders larded from farm work, her hands like hams. She wore working men’s boots with the laces undone. It was almost impossible to imagine such a bulky frame surrendering to any kind of illness, and yet watching one of her coughing fits was like seeing an oak tree, huge and terrible, creaking perilously in a storm. Irene never knew her name.

‘I am the Mother of all the Boys,’ she would declare, ‘Pascal, Mikey, Florence, Bill and little Tom.’

But they never appeared, the five strong lads she boasted of, not even when she died, crashing heavily into darkness.

Meanwhile, Sister Baptist played on. Only Irene, tenacious for its own sake, could match her.

Granitefield had been a poorhouse in famine times; the high walls remained; the blue lime-washed corridors; in one of the outhouses was the huge, cast-iron cauldron in which the communal gruel had been stewed. Everything there was named twice, like signposts in a lost native language. The isolation units – their official name – were known by the inmates as The Camp. Home to the infectious, who remained nameless, shut away, until they were pushed, blinking, into the sunlight. Thence to The Manor as it was grandly called by the staff – the stone building visible from the road. For the ill these were The Wards. The sloping grounds which led down to the lake were referred to as The Yard. So called because every morning, the grass still wizened with hoarfrost, a duty nurse, or sometimes Matron herself, would lead snakes of patients out there for their daily constitutional. The exercise was good for them, the bracing air would revitalise their ailing lungs and punctured chests. Home to bacilli and tubercles, even their bodily parts were not their own. They were a motley bunch, their day clothes – layers of vests and woollens, greatcoats and hats – worn over regulation pyjamas. Like windswept scarecrows they tramped, two by two, down the gravel path that led to the lake shore and then, once, briskly around its perimeter. Crows cackled in the trees as they laboured, a chain-gang in search of occupation. Sometimes Irene worried that they might be led away to some strange, neglected place and abandoned. Or worse.

The route the walkers took was dotted with secret stashes – half-smoked Woodbines were hidden in the urns on the front balustrade, naggins of whiskey strapped to the underarm of the jetty – and this alone gave the daily dose of exercise the air of an excursion. There, skulking in the seeping woods among the dead leaves, a mouthful of spirits or a hurried draw of tobacco was like a draught of freedom. A taste of life.

Unfit for life they learned other skills. Afternoons in the Day Room, a crackling wireless on the go. The reception was always bad.

‘Due to our position in the world,’ Mr Powers said.

Which to judge from the radio was down a seething mineshaft. The sound came in waves, hissing and fading. Ernie Troubridge had taken charge of it. Ernie had been a docker; the coal dust had got him. He tinkered continuously with the radio, heaving the set about the room and perching it high up and low down, tilting it this way and that to minimise the static. He had fashioned a make-shift aerial out of a clothes hanger which stuck out like a twisted wand; it made everything much clearer, Ernie insisted. This became his occupation – carrying an angry box of sound around. Whenever he set it down he would stand over it impatiently twisting the knobs when, it seemed, the broadcasters had moved deliberately out of range. Occasionally he would thump its polished top and, scarified, it would leap to attention only to slouch again as soon as Ernie’s back was turned. What pleasure he got out of listening to it Irene could never fathom. The news either irritated him or confirmed his worst suspicions, though he responded to certain items with a triumphant ‘Aha!’ like a poker player with a winning trick. He liked to listen to the gale warnings. ‘Badweather up ahead, Cap’n,’ Charlie Piper would taunt, winding his head around the door of the Day Room.

He was about his business, a thriving black market in cigarettes and oranges, a complicated moneylending scheme. Everyone owed him. Ernie Troubridge, bent in the dusk like a man in conciliatory prayer to a spitting, vengeful god, ignored the jibes.

‘Tyne, Dogger, German Byte … falling slowly.’

And Irene Rivers would remember her lost father, keeping his lonely vigil at the edge of land, holding out against the storms.

Miniature industry flourished in the Day Room. There was Betty Long who knitted with a tight-lipped ferocity as if she were on piece-rates. She worked from two battered patterns – one a lemon-yellow matinée jacket, the other a baby-blue pair of bootees.

‘Oh, Irene, look,’ she would cry, fretting over lost stitches.

Irene would gently rip back to the flaw and Betty would start again. For whom the baby things were intended Irene never learned. She could have clothed an orphanage with the volume she produced but Irene suspected that she stored them away, a trousseau of candyfloss smalls for the children she would never have.

At the green baize card table Isla Forsyth did shell pictures; Babe Wrafter appliquéd; Mary Cantalow made cathedrals out of matchsticks; Sister Baptist crocheted. Small intricate things. Chalice covers, Irene guessed. Once, while showing Irene a complicated stitch, she asked sweetly, ‘You are one of us, dear, aren’t you?’

Irene looked at her stonily. That doughy expression, the unctuous eyes hungry for confession. She did not reply. What she believed would have shocked Sister Baptist. That there was no God; there was only sickness and health. And no one to save you but well-meaning strangers who cut you open and left a wound.

 

DR AUGUST CLEMENS. These were the words Irene used in prayer. Dr August Clemens. His name set him apart but he was one of them. A consumptive. He, too, had been cracked open like a shell, had sweated out the fevers and had been wheeled out, teeth chattering and hands blue, to inhale his icy cure. He was a stocky, robust man, his high colour the only legacy of his disease, though that seemed merely an extension of his good humour. He breezed about, coat flapping, hand perpetually raised in greeting. Ruddy-faced and foxy-haired, as if blessed with the bloom of the outdoors. The lord of the manor, some of the male patients sulkily called him, usually when he had tracked down a hideout for smokes or a gambling racket. His rude health seemed almost an offence in the midst of the ghostly sick; a defiant gesture, a fist waved in the face of God. To Dr Clemens, Irene granted the kind of loyalty which only the fiercely grateful can sustain. He was the first man to rescue her. The second would be Stanley Godwin.

‘Well, my girl, good news!’

Dr Clemens sat astride a chair in his small office, his tapered beard, flecked with grey, tickling his broad forearms. In one hand, a sheaf of blue X-rays.

‘All clear!’

He spoke in shorthand. Irene almost expected him to say ‘over and out’ at the end of his sentences.

‘You can go home.’

Irene sat threading the belt of her dressing gown through her fingers. This was the moment she had been dreading. Cure. Final and irrevocable. In the six years she had been at Granitefield she had found a tranquil order, a gravity of purpose which suited her temperament. The hostile world had retreated; she could not imagine venturing out there again, orphaned and adrift.

‘Well?’ demanded Dr Clemens.

Irene looked beyond him. Through the grimy barred window she could see the lake shimmering. The trees, clothed for high summer, regarded her reproachfully. A mop-haired boy – she recognised him from Ward C – was trying to sail a kite by the water’s edge. He threw the red triangle up in the air and made mad dashes, unwinding the string as he did from around a tin can. But there was not enough wind and each time the kite would slowly dip and sink, landing crumpled at his feet.

‘Nothing to say?’

Dr Clemens looked at her with a dogged eye. She could not bear his gaze of kindliness and understanding. He understood too well; it made her uneasy. She did not wish to be so easily read.

‘You don’t want to go, do you?’

She shook her head miserably.

‘But you’re young, your whole life’s ahead of you. You can put this behind you now. It’s different for me, it’s my life’s work, you understand?’

Irene nodded; this she did understand. The singularity of vocation was not new to her. She had only to think of her father.

‘Only a madman or a drunkard would choose to work in a place like this.’ Dr Clemens gestured with his large hand (not like a surgeon’s, more the weathered mitt of a sea captain) to the high, stained walls, his tilting desk propped up under one gammy leg by a large medical volume. Dust motes swam in the bath of distilled summer light. From the corridors, the crash of bedpans. ‘Or an incurable …’

A fly buzzed around him. He swatted it away.

‘Oh yes,’ he said sadly, ‘that’s why I’m here.’

She was put to work in the kitchens with Bridget and Annie. Annie was wiry and lean-jawed with crossed eyes, which gave her a transfixed air as if some small insect had settled on the bridge of her nose. She, like Irene, had been adopted by Dr Clemens. It was a small club, Irene discovered. A nurse here, a cleaner there, had been smuggled on to the staff, a place found for them.

‘We need you,’ he would say to Irene referring to his secret troupe. ‘We need you to fight off despair. You are on the front line.’

Bridget, on the other hand, was from the outside. She did the heavy work. Plump and able, she peeled potatoes and hoisted the large cauldrons on and off the stoves. The three of them laboured in the large, dim basement room, lighting the huge ovens and tending the gas jets which kept pots abubble all day. From early morning until darkness fell, they heaved and toiled. Irene loved the clatter and steam. After years of enforced idleness it was like finding herself suddenly on the assembly line of a munitions factory, part of the war effort. The very building seemed to sweat – the fogged windows, condensation rolling down the walls, the greasy black and red flagstones. She welcomed beads of perspiration on her own brow, no longer a sign of fever or the harbinger of confinement. She loved the kitchen’s functional air, and the scale of it. The sheen of the bain-marie, the cavernous refrigerator, its door like the hatch of an aeroplane, the enamel bins marked FLOUR and SUGAR with their lean-to lids and scoops the size of shovels. The work, after what seemed a lifetime of miniature occupation, pleased her enormously. Each day a fresh start, a confirmation that life did indeed go on. The early calm gave way to a mid-morning storm, heat and panic as pots boiled over or supplies suddenly ran short. There was the clamour of dinner time, the flap and rush of bearing food in and out, the confusion, the collisions, the inevitable spillages. Then, plunging hands into sudsy water and scouring for an hour, a welcome purging. Irene’s favourite time was the mid-afternoon when an eerie hush fell and they could sprawl around the scrubbed kitchen table drinking tea and picking at leftovers.

Sometimes the peace would be shattered by a request for tea in the Matron’s office. It was she who often broke the bad news. Tea always helps at a time like that, Matron would say. Helped her at any rate, Irene would think, trying to imagine Matron (Nancy Biddulph – Irene was surprised she had a name; Charlie Piper called her the Matterhorn) tackling something as vague and enormous as death. She was more at home with the concrete indignities of the living. A smart blow on the rump after a bed bath, the quick whip of a thermometer from the rectum. She treated illness with a stiff, naval kind of jollity.

As Irene cut sandwiches and buttered scones for the bereaved, she would sometimes imagine that the guest in Matron’s office was her mother, coming to claim her back now that she was cured. She would pin up her hair and take her apron off and, bearing a loaded tray through the mute corridors, she would practise her most willing and engaging smile. In Irene’s version of the reunion, her mother appeared more refined and prosperous (as if she had come into money, the only circumstances Irene could imagine which would justify this new expansiveness), wearing a cloche hat and white gloves. These she would peel off, finger by gracious finger, in nervous anticipation as Irene, with an armful of shivering china, steered towards her. But the prospect was so dizzying, so delectably unbearable, that by the time Irene reached Matron’s office she could only manage to knock and holler ‘Tea, ma’am’ before abandoning the tray outside and fleeing.

‘I used to know an Irene once,’ Charlie Piper said to her one day when she came to deliver his dinner tray. ‘She was a real goer, I can tell you! She used to …’

‘That’s quite enough, Mr Piper,’ Nurse Dowd interjected, holding his thin wrist between her fingers in search of a pulse. He was back in The Camp then; it was just after his failed escape attempt. Irene slid the tray on to his lap. He winked at her. His jokiness belonged to a healthy man; here it seemed macabre.

‘Ooh,’ he cried in falsetto, spotting the dessert. It was a Sunday. ‘A bit of tart!’

He poked at the pale apples which fell drunkenly out from the pastry and splayed out on to the plate, bringing their juices with them. They were windfalls which she and Annie had gathered in the grounds.

‘Really!’ Nurse Dowd scowled, and dropping his hand, marched out. He jiggled his eyebrows at her retreating back. He communicated by such deft arrangements of his features, at once mocking and self-deprecating.

‘Really!’ he mimicked.

He spoke of women like a condemned man. Of Gloria, the telephonist who sat in a box inside the main hall. He lusted after her, her fat glossy lips, her painted hands, the beauty spot high on her left cheek. Her encasement behind glass.

They traded innuendos.

‘How’s your lordship?’ Gloria would sing out.

‘Oh, picking up, darling,’ he would reply, ‘all the better for seeing you.’

And then, inexplicably, he changed. One evening when Irene came to collect his tray, he leapt out at her from behind the door.

‘Aha!’ he cried. ‘Gave you a fright, did I?’

He pushed the door closed and wedged a chair under the handle.

‘Now, I have you!’

Irene felt a quick pang of alarm. But it was only Charlie Piper.

‘Irene,’ he whispered, tracing a path with his fingertips along her cheek. There was a hungry look in his eye. ‘Irene …’

He crushed her to him, nuzzling his chin into the crook of her neck, his fingers clutching at the hair around her nape. A strange warmth invaded her limbs. It stopped her from crying out. This was just a game, she told herself. Soon he would laugh out loud and smirk at her. She felt his tongue in her ear. His hand was clutching the fabric at her breast. Playfully she tried to push him off but he had the wiry resistance of the chronically unwell. He plunged a hand beneath her blouse; a button popped. ‘It’s been so long,’ he breathed, ‘Please.’

Over her shoulder she could see the tea tray she had left earlier, the food untouched. She fixed on it as Charlie Piper’s other hand scrabbled at her crotch. He steered her towards the bed, locked in a stiff embrace. And then, suddenly, he released her. He sank on the side of the bed as if all his strength had seeped away. He held both of her hands in his.

‘I just want to look.’

Mutely she complied. Unbuttoning first her tunic and peeling it away from her shoulders, then the waistband of her skirt which slid away, ballooning at her feet. She carefully undid her already molested blouse noticing the gaping buttonhole which Charlie had torn. The silky chattering of her slip up around her ears. Her vest next, of which she was ashamed. Grey and ragged-ended from too many washings; there was a rip in it now below the underarm. She unhooked her stockings and rolled them down to her ankles. She unclipped the stays of her corset, slowly, deliberately, taking care to unfasten each one when normally she would wriggle out of it before they were all undone. She concentrated on the ritual, stonily releasing the clips of her brassière – she fumbled a bit with this, her fingers working blindly away behind her back – then she lifted her breasts carefully out of the cups. It fell with a dejected flap. And then her knickers (bloomers, her mother always called them bloomers, she remembered). Calmly she edged them down over her thighs until they slipped, joining the frothy hem of stockings and skirt floating around her shoes. Her shoes. She had forgotten about her shoes. And all the time she kept her eyes on the tray. The beetroot, she could see, had bled into the hard-boiled egg.

Charlie Piper came in his hand, his eyes shut tight, his head thrown back, the cords of his neck clenched, a pulse in the hollow of his throat throbbing.

Neither of them spoke. She gathered up her fallen garments and retreating to a corner of the chalet, she clumsily redressed. He sat, head bowed. She skirted around the bed to fetch the tray; there were ten more to collect and she was way behind time now. There was an ashtray on the bedside locker. It was a bright canary-yellow with ‘Souvenir of St Helier’ in green writing around the rim. She fingered it briefly. Charlie turned around.

‘Neilus Grundy,’ he explained. ‘Fell down on his last payment. Not that it’s much use here. Or where I’m going for that matter.’ His face brightened.

‘You take it, go on.’ He flashed a grin. ‘Something to remember me by!’

 

CHARLIE PIPER MUST have told the others. The male patients used to gather after church on Sundays and talk among themselves. Talk dirty, Irene suspected. Dressed up in their shiny suits and shirts with threadbare collars (Irene was able to calculate how long a man was ‘in’ by the cut and fashion of his suit), they became the men they had been on the outside. They regained their stature even though their clothes had been made for bigger men. They stood in knots outside the chapel sizing up the female patients, who also dressed for the occasion. The women did not rely on the clothes they had brought in with them. Sisters would arrive on visiting days with a borrowed dress, or a pair of stilettos would be smuggled in courtesy of the bed-mechanic. If Dr Clemens thought the recreation period in the Day Room on Saturday evenings catered for his patients’ social needs, he was sorely mistaken. The real exchange took place on Sunday mornings during Mass. Notes were passed, trysts arranged and a great deal of ogling went on among the pews. There was an air of suppressed gaiety which rose with their voices to the vaulted roof of the chapel. They sang lustily despite their coughs for the glory, not of God, but of health. Of survival. And afterwards they indulged their capacity for survival by flirting and gossiping, or resorting to forlorn tussling in the woods behind The Camp.

that