Cover
About the Book
About the Author
Also by Milton Crawford
Title Page
Dedication
Chew. Slurp. Lick. Nibble.
Relationship Questionnaire
A Note on Unsexy Foods
SOMETHING TO SLURP ON
Frozen Watermelon Margarita
Basil Martini
Almond Milk White Russian
Bloody Mary with Clam Juice
Strawberry Bellini
NIBBLES AND TIT-BITS
Spiced Honeyed Almonds
Caviar Blinis
Puglia Broad Bean Dip
Oyster Fritters with Rocket and Wasabi Mayonnaise
Chaat Masala Watermelon with Mint
SMOOTH AND SLIPPERY
Oysters with Chilli, Ginger and Lime
Salmon Tikka Skewers with Dill and Pomegranate Raita
Milton’s Moules
Lobster with Béarnaise Sauce, Home-made Oven Chips and Broccoli
Scallops with Brown Butter, Capers and Lemon
FLESH
Venison and Liver Pies
Beef Carpaccio with Parmesan, Rocket and Truffle Oil
Yakitori-style Chicken Heart Skewers
Steak Tartare with Confit Egg Yolk and Aïoli
Herb-crusted French Rack of Venison
Beef Fillet, Ceps, Marsala Sauce and Roasted Shallots
THE SPICE OF LIFE
Butternut Soup with Nutmeg and Toasted Pumpkin Seed Oil
Crispy Sea Bass with Ginger and Spring Onions
Paneer Tikka Masala
Smoked Garlic Dauphinoise
Salt and Pepper Baby Squid with Garlic Mayonnaise
Saffron Roast Chicken with Lemon and Rosemary
SHAPELY VEG
Crunchy Fennel and Green Apple Salad
Asparagus with Crab, Poached Eggs and Lemon Vinaigrette
Avocado, Pancetta and Toasted Pumpkin Seed Salad
Pommes de Terres Sarladaises with Truffles
Red Mullet, Artichoke Hearts and Lemon
GETTING FRUITY
Watermelon Salsa with Black Pepper Goat’s Cheese
Grilled Honey Figs, Goat’s Cheese and Walnut Salad
Pork and Lychee Curry
Salt Caramel and Rum Banana Cake
Poached Quince with Mascarpone and Stilton Cream
SWEET BITS
Cranachan with Figs, Candied Walnuts, Honey and Meringue
Chocolate Chilli Fondant
Red Wine Poached Pears with Stem Ginger Crème Fraîche
Vanilla and Saffron Baguette and Butter Pudding with Gooseberry-Ginger Jam
Raspberry and Rose Pudding
Acknowledgements
Copyright
This book offers a unique culinary slant on dinner à deux with fun and adventurous recipes that will help love to blossom, tease palates and arouse the senses … and make all the difference between a firecracker of an evening and a damp squib:
Something to Slurp on – get the juices flowing with a Basil Martini or a Bloody Mary with Clam Juice
Nibbles and Tit-bits – get down to some fun foreplay with Spiced Honey Almonds or Caviar Blini
Shapely Veg – get forking Asparagus with White Crab Meat or Pommes Sarladaises with Truffles
Smooth and Slippery – serve Milton’s Moules or Salmon Tikka Skewers with Dill and Pomegranate Raita for a boost in the bedroom
Flesh – wrap your mouth around Pot-roast Haunch of Venison and Beef Fillet, Ceps and Marsala Sauce
The Spice of Life – get hot and spicy with Saffron Roast Chicken or Paneer Chilli
Getting Fruity – with Pineapple and Pork Curry or Poached Quince with Mascarpone and Gorgonzola Cream
Sweet Bits – down and dirty desserts, from Chocolate Chilli Fondant to Raspberry Rose Pudding
Read on and let Milton Crawford share his secret potions of love.
‘Cooking is like love: It should be entered into with abandon or not at all’ Harriet van Horne
Milton Crawford was born somewhere north of the Zambezi and west of the Rift valley in a small town in the middle of Africa. He has travelled the world in search of good liquor, fine food and game women. He is an author and journalist, and in keeping with the most honourable traditions of the writing profession, a bon viveur and lover of distinction. Author of the bestselling The Hungover Cookbook and The Drunken Cookbook, his previous books have been published under a more sober alias.
Also by Milton Crawford
The Hungover Cookbook
The Drunken Cookbook
For Lovers Everywhere
Disclaimer
I worry about why all my books have to have disclaimers. I said no, but the lawyers insisted.
So, here we go:
This book is intended for adults, has adult themes and contains some explicit references to sex. Although the recipes contained within these pages may suggest that they will lead to some form of romantic conquest, I cannot guarantee that this will happen. Similarly, none of these recipes claim to cure any medical conditions and, if you believe that you are suffering from a medical condition, then I recommend that you see a medical professional. These recipes are in no way a substitute for any treatment you may need to receive.
I hope you succeed in your amorous attempts, but I accept no responsibility should you fail. Please do not try to contact me for romantic advice; my past is littered with plenty of romantic failures so I do not profess to be an authority on the subject.
Good luck. Love is a wonderful thing. I hope that this culinary adventure helps you on your quest for romance.
Do aphrodisiacs really work? And, even if they do, isn’t the concept of eating foods specifically to boost libido and mutual pleasure a bit old-school? After all, these days both men and women can pop a pill to produce the desired effect. So this book is not so much concerned with the direct impacts of aphrodisiacs, which are not always quantifiable, as with the idea of making food in the name of love. And of course there is the hope that, at some point, the effort of making food may gain some form of reward. If you know what I mean.
But why, you may ask, would you not simply go to a romantic restaurant with your love interest and choose a suitably sublime menu? That is surely just as romantic as cooking for them? I beg to differ. For one thing, it is more of a gift to create something from scratch; to conceive, buy the ingredients for, create and serve a meal for someone you love (or at least have designs on) is a telling gesture. It creates the impression that you’re considerate; that you care; that you’re prepared to make an effort. I think you get my drift. It also shows your potential partner that you are resourceful and skilful. More and more people seem to be spending more and more time watching people cooking on screen and less and less time actually doing it in the kitchen. You can demonstrate that you have this valuable skill, which, when done well, shows off many of the same skills you also need in the bedroom: finesse, a sure touch, excellent judgement and a willingness to experiment.
And, talking of ‘doing it in the kitchen’, creating a meal at home does offer far greater – and more immediate – opportunities for post-prandial love-making than at least most forms of restaurant that I have ever been to. Put simply: you may start sitting at the dining table; you may end up lying on top of it.
Food and sex are intimately connected in all kinds of ways: the similar noises that we make while we’re engaged in these two acts, the words we use to describe them, even the feelings that both can engender.
Sex, like eating, can be both mundane and remarkable. Both acts are fundamental to human existence and there’s nothing new about either: the associations between food, sex and sin have existed at least since Adam and Eve. Don’t be prudish about this; as I hope you already realise, I’m not going to be, despite my highly repressed British sexuality.
We use our hands and our mouths for both food and sex. We make similar noises, not just the chewing, sucking and slurping, but also the expressions of delight, groans of appreciation or – perhaps most tellingly – the concentrated silence of genuine enjoyment.
Then there is our language. ‘Tasty’ is often used to describe an attractive potential partner. Depending on your age, social class, gender and where you grew up, you might also use ‘yummy’, ‘scrummy’, ‘luscious’, ‘delicious’, ‘dishy’ or ‘hunky’ (like a hunk of meat). And it’s not unknown for the expression ‘I want to eat you up’ to pass between two lovers (in a generally metaphorical sense, unless, that is, you have cannibalistic tendencies and probably live somewhere in Germany). We talk about sexual appetite, cravings, being sex-starved or sated. Post-coital bliss and post-prandial satisfaction share much in common. The associations run deep.
But we’re not just talking about sex here – that purely biological function of procreation – we’re talking about love. I’ve always thought that romantic love needs to involve both a sense of fun and of adventure and this book offers a unique culinary slant on it, with fun, adventurous recipes that should help romance to blossom.
In conventional terms, the classic romantic encounter is a dinner date, where food, wine and conversation create an atmosphere of intimacy. Such a meal is the focus of this book. The choices we make about what to eat during this window of opportunity may make all the difference between a firecracker of an evening and a damp squib. Certain foods rich in the right vitamins and minerals, and that are suggestive in colour, shape and texture, may lead to a blossoming of mutual desire.
The science of aphrodisiacs is hotly disputed and many claims made about certain ingredients are certainly dodgy, perhaps, historically, due to overzealous traders keen to talk up their wares and imbue them with extra benefits that don’t really exist. I am not a scientist and this is not a scientific guide. But there is no doubt that food changes our mood and, even if we don’t experience the same extreme physiological effects that are produced by Viagra and the like, the subtle changes that the right foods have on us can make the world of difference. For me, the folkloric associations of certain foods with sex make ample case that they do have some effect. There is usually some truth to myths that grow up around food and, as a storyteller myself, I am more inclined to follow this kind of narrative than scientific studies, the quality of which are hard to determine. Oysters contain high levels of zinc, but is it this that makes them so sought after as aphrodisiacs, or is it more to do with their evocative appearance, texture, flavour and the tactile way in which they are consumed? These are things that are hard to determine using science alone.
So let me guide you through the delightful world of being a lover cooking for your lover. This book is a homage to the pleasures of giving; a culinary odyssey that delves deeply into the relationship between nutritional and emotional sustenance. In short, it is a foray into food and fornicating.
I have used ingredients that are legal, generally accessible and widely regarded as good to eat. There will be no rhino horn or tiger penis, no whale sperm or Spanish fly. Above all, I would like you and your dinner partner to enjoy your meal, as I believe that the warm glow of shared enjoyment is as great an aphrodisiac as anything.
