Advance Praise for Scammed

Scammed: 3 Steps to Help Your Elder Parents and Yourself provides a panoramic perspective and simple breakdown of the seemingly endless array of scams that target the elderly with a battle plan to protect and prevent. It will be quite useful and I recommend it! ∼Detective Joe Roubicek, Author of Financial Abuse of the Elderly; A Detective’s Case Files of Exploitation Crimes www.exploitationelderly.com

The elderly are easy targets for fraudsters and when scammers strike your own parents, you all suffer. This book will help you protect yourself and your family as well as resolve the conflicts with confidence. ∼Mari J. Frank, Esq., author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Recovery from Identity Theft and Safeguard Your Identity

Scammed is an excellent guide to helping your parent avoid the predators out there. It is easy to understand, practical, evidence-based, thorough, and analytical. A must have. ∼N. Kortner Nygard, Ph.D., Geriatric Psychologist

As a geriatric social worker, I have too often seen the devastating impact of seniors who have been scammed, and I am always looking for tools to protect my seniors. Art’s book is very helpful. He skillfully integrates theory with practical advice. This book will greatly benefit professionals who work with seniors, and the adult children of senior parents. ∼Warren Lind, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., ASW-G

This is an important book for anyone with elderly parents. It is comprehensive, compassionate, and straightforward in its approach. It can help anyone who is concerned with the safety of their parents and their assets. ∼Gregory W. Lester, Ph.D.

I have seen firsthand the damage scam artists cause their victims. Unfortunately, it is our elders who are targeted most frequently and suffer the worst consequences. I am so happy Scammed is available to not only educate the elderly and their loved ones on how to prevent scams, but to help those scammed clean up the destruction left behind. Everyone can benefit from reading Scammed: 3 Steps to Help Your Elder Parents and Yourself because education is essential to preventing this form of destruction. ∼Officer Melissa Doss, Community/Media Relations, St. Peters, Missouri, Police Department

Anytime we can help our elderly friends and family remain stable and independent is a beautiful thing. Art Maines teaches us how to help elderly family and friends with a very enjoyable and helpful read. This is a book with valuable skills that we all need to avoid the complex results of the devastation of someone taking advantage of our elderly family and friends. ∼Dr. Jim Fogarty, Licensed Clinical Psychologist and national trainer on emotional manipulation.

Scammed is chock full of useful information and insight that can help you and your parent(s) prevent being scammed and survive the aftermath. In addition to practical steps to aid in prevention and recovery, Art Maines provides a wealth of advice to help heal the emotional and physical aftermath of scams, including a wonderful list of things to say and not say to your folks if it has happened to them. ∼Jennifer L. Abel, Ph.D., author of Active Relaxation www.activerelaxationthebook.com

No book has ever tackled the subject of financial predation of the elderly like Scammed. The book is refreshingly practical and insightful. It’s a must-read for anyone dealing with this, either professionally or personally. ∼Steven A. Harvey, MD

Art Maines’ book, Scammed: 3 Steps to help your Elder Parents and Yourself provides a fascinating look at the psychology behind both the victim and the scammer. In addition, the suggestions, advice and assessments are useful for all of us to use with our aging parents. I will now use some of this information to educate and evaluate my elderly mother to insure she does not become a victim. ∼Joanne Waldman, M.Ed., PCC, BCC, LPC, NCC, NCGC, Master Career Counselor, Coach/Director of Training-Retirement Options, New Perspective Coaching

Art Maines skillfully engages the reader with a step by step program to facilitate a financial, physical and emotional recovery plan for seniors who have been scammed. Whether or not a scam has occurred, this is a must read for those who work with seniors or who have an aging parent, as it is the go to guide for protecting our vulnerable seniors from this life changing event. His personal story and examples are poignant reminders that fraud targeting seniors impacts the family system and in turn outlines how to recover from this tragedy together. This book assists the whole family to move from victim to victor in the face of this tragedy. Scammed will undoubtedly protect and positively affect many lives. ∼Susan Stevenson Moore, MSW, LCSW www.FlourishingWell.com

Copyright © 2012 Art Maines. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying, without written permission of the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission from the publisher.

Love Your Life Publishing

St. Peters, MO 63346

www.loveyourlifepublishing.com

ISBN: 978-1-934509-53-1Library of Congress Control Number: 2012947495

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing 2012

Cover and internal design: Cathy Krebs

Editing by Gwen Hoffnagle

Author Contact: Art Maines

www.ElderlyFraudRecoveryHelp.com

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my stepfather, Bill, and scam victims and their families everywhere.

Acknowledgements

I am deeply grateful to the many people who helped me produce Scammed, my first book. I’ve often read other authors’ comments about how creating a book is a collaborative effort, and they are right. I honestly couldn’t have done it without all of you!

First, to my wonderful partner, Frank: Thanks for your encouragement and support through the aftermath of Bill’s scam victimization, and the ensuing development of this book. I appreciate your patience with all the hours I spent at the computer researching and writing. You’re the best!

I further extend my gratitude to the entire Krebs family for their interest in and support of my work, and for the warm inclusion you’ve all shown me over the years. You guys really are the big family I never had.

A big “thank you” to my deceased mother, Barbara, for always telling me to “go for it.” I know if she were here she’d be very proud.

I also want to express appreciation for my chosen family of friends for understanding when I had to stay home and write instead of spending time with you. You know I will do the same for you when the tables are turned.

I’m also very grateful to my colleagues in the fields of social work, psychotherapy, counseling, eldercare, elder law, collections, and publishing who so generously gave of their time to review chapters, offer constructive feedback, and provide me with much-needed guidance. I especially want to recognize Susan Moore, LCSW, Dr. Jennifer Abel, Joe Ilges, Esq., George VonStamwitz, Esq., Alicia VonStamwitz, and Officer Melissa Doss for their generous time and input.

Last but definitely not least, I have to extend huge appreciation to Lynne Klippel of Love Your Life Publishing. You were my dear friend long before this book came to be, and I deeply cherish our friendship. In every sense of the words, I couldn’t have done this without you.

Art Maines, LCSW

September, 2012

Table of Contents

Foreword

Introduction

Section One: Getting Scammed and the Recovery Steps

Bill’s Story

1. Step 1—Discovery: Gather the Vital Information Quickly

2. Step 2—Protect Your Parent: Stop the Bleeding and Lock Down Their Assets

3. Step 3—Recovery: Plan Your Parent’s Financial Recovery

Section Two: Emotional Challenges and the Psychology of Scamming

4. Helping Your Parent Recover Emotionally

5. Handling Your Own Emotions: The Importance of Good Self-Care

6. The Psychology of Scamming: An Introduction to How the Scammers Do It and What That Can Teach Us

Section Three: Prevention: The Scam-Resistant Elder

7. First Things

8. Unmet Needs, the Five FLAGS, and Scam Drills

9. Preventing More Pain: Financial Abuse and Identity Theft

Section Four: Putting the Steps into Practice with Three Common Problems

10. Recovering from Telemarketing Scams

11. Recovering from Home Repair Rip-offs

12. Recovering from Financial Identity Theft

Final Thoughts and Next Steps

Appendix: Resources and Recommended Reading

Foreword

I AM A SCAM VICTIM

I AM A SCAM VICTIM:

I am your mother, father, grandparent, stepparent, neighbor, friend.

I AM A SCAM VICTIM:

I was taken in by one of the nicest people I ever met. He cared about me, asked about my grandchildren, and listened to my stories. I just wanted to help or have a better life when he asked me for money or my credit card number.

I AM A SCAM VICTIM:

When I worked I was a teacher, accountant, lawyer, nuclear sub captain, police officer.

I AM A SCAM VICTIM:

I don’t need your blame or judgment; I need your help and support to right the wrong which has been done to me.

I AM A SCAM VICTIM:

I could be you, someday.

Scammed

3 Steps to Help Your Elder Parent and Yourself

Introduction

Imagine you’re cruising along in life, dealing with the ordinary ups and downs. Nothing especially noteworthy is going on, just normal life. Then one day, out of the blue, you are forcefully shoved into a bizarre world which scares the hell out of you. What you face challenges many of your cherished assumptions about life, the people close to you, and even yourself. You feel so much doubt, fear, anger, and sadness coursing through you! Much of what you’ve learned about the way things are suddenly seems like a shallow, naïve fairy tale. Like most of us who have been there, you’ve unwillingly entered the world of scams and frauds. Disturbingly, it’s an all-too-common part of the seamy underside of growing older today.

When you find out that scam artists have preyed on your elderly parent or other loved one, there’s no way to avoid shock and disbelief: “How could this happen?” Then comes the fear—“How much did they get? Do they have access to everything? Is my parent going to be OK?” It’s normal for your mind to reel with the frightening possibilities, because they ARE frightening.

This quote from the website www.crimes-of-persuasion.com captures the predicament for fraud victims well:

“Unlike physical abuse, from which a victim can often fully recover once the abuse is put to a stop, financial fraud can result in permanent damage—that is, the loss of the victim’s financial independence at a time where he or she has no means of rebuilding a retirement nest egg.”

After a lifetime of hard work, saving, and investment, our elders become targets for scammers who are out to impoverish them. It comes at a time in life when our loved ones should be able to relax and enjoy themselves, as well as feel secure about taking care of health problems and end-of-life matters. When you factor in the potential damage to our elders’ emotional and physical well-being, this is beyond criminal—in my opinion, it’s evil.

Facts and Figures about Fraud against the Elderly

Senior citizens make up about 12 percent (and rising) of the US population, but are approximately 35 percent of all fraud victims. According to the National Consumers League, seniors represent 60 percent of those calling its National Fraud Information Center. Between 2002 and 2003, the 70 to 79 age group rose from 9 percent to 13 percent of all fraud victims, the steepest rise for any age group. The typical victim is female, frail, and mentally impaired. Seventy-five percent are between the ages of 70 and 89.

According to the Ars Technica technology news website, an estimated $41 billion has been lost to date to scammers using the infamous Nigerian or 419 scam. That’s $41 billion from just one type of scam. 7.3 million older Americans have been victimized by such scams, according to a new survey. A study by the nonprofit Investor Protection Trust showed that one out of every five Americans over 65 has fallen prey to a financial scam.

Vulnerabilities of Seniors to Frauds

Several factors make seniors more vulnerable to fraud:

• Seniors’ desire to help or be charitable opens the door to criminals who tug at their hearts with a phony sob story to rip them off.

• Their generation is typically more trusting of others, which opens opportunities for thieves to abuse that trust.

• Loneliness and social isolation makes a senior more willing to talk with a friendly stranger.

• Seniors are often home when con artists seek their victims.

• Some seniors have lost a degree of physical or mental sharpness, making them even more vulnerable. A few studies even point to changes in elderly peoples’ brains that may make them more vulnerable to getting scammed.

• Recent plunges in the stock market and home values have made many seniors much more fearful about their financial situation, opening them up to the all-too-human wish for a fast buck.

• Because people over 50 control 70 percent of the nation’s household net worth, they are ripe targets for scammers.

• According to Officer Melissa Doss, when elders get ripped off, it’s usually a family member who uncovers the crime. The senior victim is often reluctant to reveal more details because of a fear that their family member will “take over their life” and the senior will no longer be able to live independently. Scammers are very aware of this fear and play on it by telling the victim that their family member is going to prevent them from collecting the big payday. Sometimes the con artist will even tell the senior their family member is out to hurt them. All of this is intended to keep the scam going by cutting off the victim’s greatest source of immediate help—those closest to them.

Understanding Scams and Frauds

So what exactly are we talking about here? Scams and frauds (I use the terms interchangeably throughout this book) encompass a vast array of crimes and personal violations that target our loved ones’ financial resources and emotional and physical well-being. I use the word scam as a synonym for fraud, though scam sometimes suggests behavior that is deceptive but not necessarily a crime—which fraud is. Both scams and frauds involve the use of trickery or deception for the perpetrator’s gain. Fraud includes abuse of the elderly if it occurs in the context of a “relationship in which there is an expectation of trust,” as described by the World Health Organization.

There is another important distinction to make between fraud against the elderly and exploitation of the elderly. Exploitation involves using the elderly person’s impairments and vulnerability to gain advantage, while fraud implies the victim has the capacity to weigh information and make decisions based on that information. Often this is a distinction without a difference, as a criminal will use exploitation in the commission of what’s legally considered a fraud.

Think of it this way:

Scam or fraud = deception of a person with sufficient capacity to make decisions, for the personal gain of the perpetrator.

Exploitation = using a victim’s weaknesses or impairments against them.

However we slice it, crimes of this sort cause a lot of damage and pain to our elders; exploitation is particularly heinous.

Parts of a Scam or Fraud

Although every scam is different, they all share certain common features:

• Scouting for potential victims

• Targeting the victim

• Making contact

• Testing for emotional hooks and vulnerabilities, and “grooming” the victim

• Presenting the fraudulent proposal with emotional activation and behavioral pressuring

• Obtaining the desired action from the victim

• Repeating the cycle to extend the victimization, or exiting and disappearing

Types of Scams and Frauds

While there are too many types and variations to list, here’s a partial list of common frauds and scams affecting elders:

• Advance Fee, Nigerian, or 419 scams: Many people have received this kind through email. In this scam the criminals tell you they have to move some money out of another country (originally Nigeria), and if you help them out you get a percentage of the money. The problem is there is no money, except what THEY take from YOUR bank account. These have been around since at least the ‘80s. A friend of mine was taken in by one of these in 1988.

• Telemarketing scams: When your parent or other loved one gets ripped off by someone who contacts them over the phone, it’s a telemarketing scam.

• Home repair rip-offs: My parents were caught up in one of these a few years ago. An unscrupulous repairman says to the elder, “You need a new_________,” and scares them with gory details about what it will cost to do nothing. The problem is, most of the time the elder doesn’t have the feared problem at all, or if they do it can be fixed for a fraction of the quoted price.

• Investment scams: A common type is often called the “pump and dump.” Crooks buy up a bunch of nearly worthless stock and then pump up the price with bogus reports about how the company is poised to skyrocket in value. When investors buy in, raising the price based on demand, the crooks sell out. The investors get stuck with the loss when the stock plummets back to its original value. Lately there has been a rash of high-pressure investment sales events masquerading as “informational seminars,” complete with lunch.

• Magazine subscription “services”: These fall into a sort of shadowy, semi-legitimate category. These companies operate in a variety of ways, but all of them are confusing and deceptive. One 79-year-old Caucasian gentleman I knew was getting Vibe magazine. Now, it’s definitely possible that he had a passion for rap and hip-hop, but when I asked him about it he told me he had no idea why he was receiving that magazine. We discovered he was being billed close to $500 a month for a ton of magazines he didn’t want.

• Identity theft: Also known as identity fraud, this fraud is particularly upsetting and often hard and time-consuming to handle. I’ve devoted a whole chapter to this problem because it’s still the #1 fraud in the country.

• Phony sweepstakes and lotteries: The Canadian Lottery scam has cost hundreds of people thousands of dollars. The problem is it’s against federal law for a US citizen to participate in a foreign lottery.

• Caregiver fraud: Sometimes “trusted” caregivers use their relationships with our parents and their access to private information for their own enrichment. Ed Carnot, Esq., tells a heart-wrenching story about his dad getting ripped off by someone he trusted in his book Is Your Parent in Good Hands?

• Relationship-based, Romeo Rip-off, or Sweetheart scams: This is when someone gets taken by a good-looking younger person who seems genuinely interested in them. Usually it’s a handsome man who romances a lonely, elderly woman. He skips out once he’s drained her for as much money as he can get.

• The Grandchild Stuck in a Foreign Country ruse: The crooks call Grandma or Grandpa, claiming to be their grandchild who’s stuck in a foreign country and needs money to get out of a jam, usually jail. The frightened, unwitting elder wires the money out of the country, where it cannot be recovered. 7.3 million older Americans have been victimized by such scams, according to a recent survey.

• A different, hybrid version of a relationship-based scam in which a family member is the perpetrator: A combination of a relationship-based scam plus financial abuse of the elderly, these are very painful, divisive, and damaging to a family, and often wrenchingly difficult to resolve well.

As you can see, there seems to be no end to the scammers’ creativity in developing new ways to victimize our parents (and us!).

My main purpose in writing this book is to help you help your parent or other loved one deal with and recover from the awful experience of getting ripped off by professional scam artists. I provide the three steps I took in handling a series of scams perpetrated on my 82-year-old stepfather in 2009. Though the specific details of your experience will be different from mine, I provide ideas and resources to help you manage and minimize the damage from this type of crime. At times you will need to be creative and flexible in how you apply the steps and the order in which you carry them out; there’s no substitute for common sense.

Another reason I wrote Scammed is to add to the discussion about how we can more effectively help elders stay safe from scammers. I frequently give talks and presentations on scam and fraud prevention to elder organizations and professional groups, and I’ve found them receptive and eager to learn. I’m convinced we can do better at teaching our seniors how to spot likely frauds and steer clear of them.

How Scammed Can Help You

In Section One, I introduce you to my stepfather, Bill, and tell his story in more depth. I intend that reading the story of his victimization will help you realize that fraud happens to really good, intelligent people. Some folks have the idea that people who are hurt by con artists are stupid, naïve, or somehow deserved it. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The first three chapters lay out ideas and suggested resources for navigating what I’ve come to think of as the three steps of handling a scammed parent. I wish I could tell you exactly how to deal with your particular situation, but the three steps, with the right modifications, apply to the majority of cases. I’ll say this repeatedly throughout the book: Get good professional help from lawyers, financial advisors, counselors, physicians, and others, using my steps as a starting point.

Section Two deals with the emotional aspects of fraud recovery, both for your parent and for you as their helper and caregiver. Elder victimization of this sort is an ugly experience. Many elders are already living financially close to the bone, especially with the recent stock market and home price declines. Getting scammed is a form of personal violation that leaves wounds and fears that often don’t go away quickly or easily. I talk about the emotional effects on seniors from getting taken, and how to help them, in Chapter 4.

You may have thought (like me), “It can’t happen to me (or my parent),” but statistics prove otherwise. If you have elderly parents or relatives, scammers ARE targeting them. It’s frightening, and it’s happening more all the time. I tell my clients that having information and a plan relieves anxiety, so I hope you find the information in this book helpful and as comforting as possible under the circumstances. Chapter 5 addresses the necessity to take good care of yourself during the ordeal of helping your elderly parent handle things and recover.

In Chapter 6 I tackle the psychology of scamming from both sides of the issue, the victim’s and the perpetrator’s. I talk about how criminals use various techniques to get to our parents and other loved ones. I draw from my work as a psychotherapist and counselor and my familiarity with certain forms of psychological dysfunction called personality disorders to cast some light on what’s likely going on with the criminals.

Some authorities and writers say scams and frauds can never be fully prevented. They may be right. Nevertheless, I’m convinced that understanding some basics of the psychology of scamming and victimization can be helpful in prevention. In Section Three I offer three chapters with my ideas for more effectively preventing scams and fraud.

Chapters 10, 11, and 12 are where I put the steps in practice to help you deal with three common scams affecting elders. These are telemarketing, home repair, and identity theft. I go over some important differences in how to handle the recovery phase for each one, and I provide checklists and resources to guide you on your way.

The appendix is your comprehensive resource guide, listing a wealth of resources including books, websites, and organizations I’ve found helpful. There’s a surprising amount of help available out there for you and your loved one—if you know where to look.

In my day job, I am a licensed mental health professional (licensed clinical social worker) actively providing counseling and psychotherapy to a full practice of clients. After I saw (and experienced) what happened to my stepfather, I realized I had a chance to help more people in a different way by sharing what I’ve learned, and researched the field of fraud against the elderly. I hope you find this book and its companion website and blog, www.elderlyfraudrecoveryhelp.com, helpful. I encourage you to share your story and any other useful resources you are aware of with me and others (with your permission, of course) through this website.

Keep in mind that I AM NOT a lawyer or certified financial planner. Please consult with the appropriate professionals for your situation, as this book is not intended to replace advice from qualified experts. All information was current as of the writing of this book. I use the terms “parent” and “child” for easy understanding, but the ideas obviously apply to any similar situation.

Best of luck, and let me know if I can help you and your parent in some way. Always remember you’re not alone.

Section One

Getting Scammed and the Recovery Steps

Bill’s Story

I was about six years old when I first met my stepfather. My parents’ marriage had ended because of my father’s drinking problem, and I had no idea at the time who this stranger would become in my life. He seemed nice enough, and my house became much quieter without the constant fighting. He was fine with me!

Over the years, Bill and I became very good friends. He took me to fly kites and do dad stuff. He and my mom got along well for the most part, so life settled into a kind of routine. He taught me to drive when I got to the teen years, and I came to realize I could count on him if I needed him.

After my mom and Bill retired, they began to travel. My mother was especially fond of cruises, having grown up on the coast of Maine. Bill grew up on the plains of Oklahoma, but he seemed to enjoy being on the ocean as well. I think it was primarily that he enjoyed being with my mother, whom he adored.

As my mother’s health began to decline in the ‘90s, Bill and I became a stronger team for her care. A lifetime of smoking, stress, and overwork took its toll on Mom, and she finally had to breathe oxygen full time. Bill cheerfully handled every new challenge thrown our way as her health deteriorated, even as he had to do more and more for her. I was living 1,200 miles away in Missouri, while they continued to live in my hometown in South Texas. Nevertheless, if either or both of them needed me, I was on the next plane out.

In May of 2005 the three of us were planning to go on a cruise for Mom’s 77th birthday. She had just gotten the green light from her long-time physician to take the trip, so we took off for Fort Lauderdale. I’ve often thought that she knew something was wrong, but we went anyway.

She held both of our hands on the descent into Florida, which was unusual. As we touched down, I started to realize things were not going well for her. She never complained, but she grew more and more unresponsive, finally slumping forward in her wheelchair on the jetway.

What followed was a blur. The airline crew called the paramedics, who worked to resuscitate her on the spot. I stayed with her while Bill went to alert the cruise line representative who was meeting our flight. Mom regained consciousness and was taken to a nearby hospital.

Bill and I had been a team for years regarding her care, but now we stood by as the doctors tried to save her. We supported each other over the next 12 hours as she slipped further and further away. She died early the next morning.

So here we were in Florida on what was supposed to be a vacation, but now we were facing the unimaginable. We went to work, arranging the myriad details for the funeral and our own transportation. Bill had to go back to Texas, and I had to go back to Missouri, before we went to Maine, where my mother had requested that the funeral and burial be held.

After the funeral Bill and I had a discussion about his future and options. He, like me, is an only child, so I am his only family. He was 75 at the time of my mother’s passing, so I knew he would likely need someone to help him out as his needs for care increased. I proposed that he move to Missouri so my partner and I could look after him, and he agreed. He arrived in St. Louis in November of 2005.