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Breaking Your Comfort Zones

And 49 Other Extremely Radical Ways to Live for God

Joey O’Connor

Breaking Your Comfort Zones & 49 Other Extremely Radical Ways to Live for God

Published by Your Personal Style

ISBN 978-0-98302-302-9

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Scripture quotations are from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

About Joey O’Connor

Joey O’Connor is an award-winning screenwriter, author, pastor, speaker and retreat leader. He is the author of nineteen books for couples, parents and young adults. He is also the founder and executive director of The Grove Center for the Arts & Media, a ministry dedicated to nurturing the spiritual development and creative vision of artists. Joey and his wife, Krista, live with their four children in San Clemente, California.

You can reach Joey O’Connor at his website: http://www.joeyo.org

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/joeyoc

Twitter: @JoeyTheGrove

For more info about The Grove Center for the Arts & Media, please visit:http://www.thegrovecenter.org

Joey O’Connor’s works include:

I Am an Artist: Transforming Stories of Art, Life & Faith

The Unthinkable Experience: 6 Weeks to Changing the World

I Love You Unconditionally: On One Condition

I Know You Love Me, but Do You Like Me?

Women Are Always Right & Men Are Never Wrong

Have Your Wedding Cake and Eat It Too!

You’re Grounded for Life & 49 Other Crazy Things Parents Say

Breaking Your Comfort Zones & 49 Extremely Radical Ways to Live for God

Children and Grief: Helping Your Child Understand Death

In His Steps: The Promise

So What Does God Have to Do with Who I Am?

So What’s the Deal with Love?

So What Difference Does Faith Make in My World?

Excuse Me! I’ll Take My Piece of the Planet Now

Whadd’ya Gonna Do? 25 Steps for Getting a Life

Where Is God When: 1001 Answers to Questions Students Are Asking

Graffiti: Devotions for Guys by David Schmidt with Joey O’Connor

Graffiti: Devotions for Girls by David Schmidt with Joey O’Connor

Screenplays

The Congo Redemption

Adventures in Gardening

This book is warmly dedicated to:

The three most beautiful, wild, wonderful women in my life: Krista, Janae, and Ellie. Your tender hearts, sparkling smiles, and spontaneous laughter are more valuable to me than anything else. I am the richest man alive.

Contents

About Joey O’Connor

Foreword

Introduction

Extreme Being for God

1: I Am Unconditionally Loved

2: Am God’s Friend

3: I Am a Child of God

4: I Am Crucified with Christ

5: I Am Created for a Purpose

Getting 100 Percent Totally Radical for God

6: I Am Competent in Christ

7: I Am His Servant

8: I Am God’s Kid

9: I Am His Ambassador

10: I Am His Disciple

Confidence Creators to Crunch Complacency

11: I Can Do All Things in Christ

12: I Am a New Creation

13: I Am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

14: I Am Alive to God

15: I Am Confident in Christ

Taking the Shark Bite out of Fear

16: Facing Your Failures

17: Focusing Your Fears

18: Trusting God in an Unexpected Pregnancy

19: Totally Exposed

20: Freed by Forgiveness

Discovering Courage When You Feel Like Crying

21: Hitting the Switchbacks

22: Standing on the Edge

23: Jumps, Bumps, and Thumps

24: Totally Committed

25: Intense Integrity

Sweating Out Your Problems with Perseverance

26: I Serve a Giant God

27: With My God, I Can Scale a Wall

28: Shaking It Out

29: Discovering the Wonderful, Hilarious Joy of God

30: Boasting in Your Blunders

Taking a Stand at the Cost of Getting Burned

31: Firing Up for God

32: Sticks and Stones Can Break Your Bones

33: Never Too Young to Stand

34: Here I Am, Lord!

35: Opposing Forces

Fierce Friendships

36: Taking Some Good Advice

37: Sending Up Some Air Support

38: Getting in Your Friend’s Face

39: Toxic Waste Friendships

40: Long-Distance Friendships

Fish or Cut Bait (Sharing Your Faith)

41: Dropping Everything to Follow Jesus

42: Bringing Your Friends Along

43: Becoming Great in God’s Eyes

44: Fishing for Your Friends

45: Sharing Who You Know

Shaking, Baking, and Breaking Those Comfort Zones

46: Laying Down Your Life for a Friend

47: Cutting Out Conformity

48: Getting Rid of Stinking Thinking

49: Getting Nailed

50: Breaking Your Comfort Zones

Foreword

Maybe you’ve seen the painting of Jesus that hangs in lots of Sunday school rooms—the one in which he’s standing there holding a cuddly little lamb in his arms. The picture does a pretty good job of showing the tenderness of Jesus. The image is warm, safe, comfortable.

I like that picture. But it shows just one side of Jesus. I’d like to see more. Like a portrait of Jesus on the mountaintop, telling Satan (who’s just offered him the world) to take a hike (Matt. 4:8–10). Or an action shot of Christ flipping over sales tables at the temple-turned-flea-market (Matt. 21:12–13). Or maybe this one (but I’m not sure I could stomach it): a picture of Jesus touching a person deformed and consumed by leprosy (Matt. 8:2–3).

These moments, and a hundred others, show Jesus stepping out of what was comfortable, pushing life and love and faith to the limit.

But I don’t really need to see these moments captured on canvas. I see pictures like this all the time—in living color—in Joey O’Connor’s life. Once my student and always my friend, Joey creates self-portraits with his faith that reveal the message in these Scripture passages. What’s more, his students look at his life and do the same thing: They step out of their comfort zones to live the radical Christian life.

Now it’s your turn. Take a look at these snapshots of Joey and his students stepping out of their comfort zones and into the radical faith Jesus showed us. Then take these steps in your own life. Someone you know is watching you, waiting for a picture that shows them how.

Todd Temple

Del Mar, California

Introduction

You and I have grown up being told not to break things. We’ve been warned, forewarned, prewarned, admonished, cautioned, yelled at, and threatened not to break: China dishes. Crystal vases. Dad’s favorite golf club. Pearl necklaces. Beautiful, mostly useless things in expensive department stores. Orthodontic retainers. Windows. Antiques. Keys in locks. Eyeglasses. Anything in the house. Toys. Arms. Legs. Noses. And fish tanks.

As little, mischievous children, we have endured polite threats in nice stores with little, stupid signs, “Nice to touch, Nice to hold, If you break it, consider it sold.” Though that’s what the sign said, when that expensive, ugly glass sculpture mysteriously slid off the shelf and shattered into a zillion pieces, the store manager actually had something very different to say: “How many times have I had to tell you &#!# kids to keep your &#!#s hands off of my &#!#s merchandise? Who’s going to pay for this?”

Not only have we been warned again and again not to break things like family heirlooms, hamster cages, and hula hoops (Okay, it’s pretty tough to break a hula hoop, but have you ever tried to hula with a bent hoop?), we just so happen to live in a world where things constantly get broken. We’re sternly told, “Don’t touch or break anything!” But we know things always break. Try to fix that paradoxical contradiction! So, from the instant when the water breaks in our mother’s womb, you and I head out to live in a world of impossible standards and expectations.

I have very vivid memories of things breaking during my childhood. There was the daughter of a family friend who broke the plate glass window in my bedroom by running right through it. There was the time when, in a fit of rage, I broke every single racing car model I ever made. (I had about twenty really cool models. I later regretted that stupid maneuver!) I remember watching adults break things I wasn’t supposed to break and then, I also heard them say words I wasn’t allowed to say.

The absolute worst thing I ever broke was the treasured, sacred war spear of my YMCA Indian Guide tribe. Every father-and-son duo was told to carve a certain section of our tribe’s seven-foot-tall war spear. Each week, a different father and son got to take the spear home so they could carve their part of it. It was a sacred privilege for an eight-year-old. One not to be taken lightly.

While other dads and sons carved, chiseled, and painted elaborate patterns, eagles, bears, and other sacred Indian symbols, the only section I cared about was the tip. I wanted to carve a sharp tip on the spear because that was the part that really made the sucker fly. The sharp tip was the most important part for piercing prey and tribal enemies.

It was finally our turn to take home the sacred war spear. Since he knew how badly I wanted to carve the tip by myself, my dad left the whole task up to me. He gave me a sharp knife, and I began to whittle away at the tip every day after school. I finished my sacred war spear tip a few days later and now was ready to launch it into the great white clouds of L.A.

Tying a colored beach towel between two flexible juniper trees, I placed the sacred war spear in the middle of the beach towel catapult and pointed the sharp tip toward the sky. Pulling the spear back with all the Indian warrior strength I could muster, I released it at the catapult’s maximum tension point. CRAAACK!

The spear flew approximately two feet forward, didn’t even come close to clearing the clothesline, crashed onto the cement, and snapped into two large pieces. Oh no! I cried to myself. I’m going to be banished from the tribe! I broke the sacred war spear!

Todd Temple, my high school youth director and youth ministry mentor, always told me, “Things break, bodies bruise, and personalities clash. Remember this and you’ll be able to handle just about anything.” I’ve never forgotten those important words of wisdom. They have always been a reminder to me that I live in a broken world. A world where even sacred war spears shatter into pieces. A whole world separated from a loving God because of a broken command. A world where lives without God are broken because of the fall. A broken, fallen world.

Since you’ve always been told not to break things, yet you live in a broken world, the tragic result is that it’s really hard to figure out what you can or can’t break. Some things in life are meant to be broken, but nobody’s really explained or shown you what to break or why. In fear of being reprimanded, you decide it’s a whole lot safer to no longer take any risks. Apathy replaces a sense of adventure for life. A foreboding sense of danger shadows your every move. I’d better not touch, try, or change anything: I might break it. The result is the development of an invisible, malignant growth on your heart called a “comfort zone.” It’s a thick, fat layer of protective insulation that keeps you from trying, touching, or changing anything about your life. Like the things that really need changing: Bad habits. Negative thinking. Treating others like primordial goo. Abusing drugs and alcohol. The list goes on and on.

A comfort zone keeps you in control, safely away from others and free from making a positive difference in anyone’s life. It appears to keep you from getting into trouble, but what a comfort zone really does is keep you from growing and enjoying life. A comfort zone keeps you from breaking the things in your life that really need to be broken and tossed away.

A spiritual comfort zone is that tough, isolated wall of a cocoon where you can’t be bothered by anything or anyone. Even God. It’s a selfish little space where you can zone out, veg out, space out, and turn into a spiritual Jabba the Hut. It’s a “No Fire Zone” where you avoid the wild dangers, risks, and difficulties of being a Christian.

Comfort zones are spiritual prisons that keep you locked up from an intimate, meaningful relationship with God. They are anything that would nudge you to be a slovenly spectator instead of an active participant in God’s kingdom. They smother your soul and shrink your heart. Comfort zones put a choke hold on your friendship with God and deafen your ears to hear the sound of his voice. Your comfort zones prevent you from being the dynamic, growing, vibrant person God has designed you to be. They absorb you in a cushy, apathetic, noncommittal, arm’s-length relationship from your Creator. Comfort zones keep you lukewarm for Christ. They stifle you from living an extremely radical life for God. Comfort zones are the first signs of spiritual decay. They make you look spiritually beige.

If you’ve picked up this book, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that you want to live an extremely radical life for God. Or at least, you’re interested in knowing more about the Christian life. That’s why I’ve filled this book with story after story of young people like yourself: friends of mine who want to be God’s person but still struggle like anyone else. You’ll find a lot of teenagers in this book just like yourself.

My hope is that you’ll discover you’re not alone in your struggles and frustrations to be a growing Christian in this crazy, mixed-up world. This book is for people who aren’t perfick, er, I mean, perfect. It’s for young people who struggle with all sorts of different comfort zones but who still have a strong desire to bash away at ’em. This book is loaded with ideas on how to grow closer to God. He’s the one who will break the chains of your comfort zones, free you from the sting of sin, and empower you to be more like his son, Jesus.

If you’re feeling blah with God or if you’re just kicking back in the Jacuzzi of a comfort zone, this book will challenge you to serve others. Serving others in the name of Christ will zap away your comfort zones quicker than anything else. You’ll never regret living an extremely radical life for God. By breaking your comfort zones, you’ll discover the true, lasting joy of being a child of God.

I Am Unconditionally Loved

Look

Kerry was one of the first girls to come to our youth ministry. She was also one of the first girls to do something extremely radical for God. How? After discovering the wonderful, unconditional love of God, she made a personal commitment to God by surrendering her life to Jesus Christ. Kerry experienced an incredible transformation. She collided with her Creator, and her life has never been the same. What made her decision so radical? Kerry got out of her comfort zone; that safe, warm, cozy place inside all of us that doesn’t want to be bothered by anyone or anything. The first step to breaking your comfort zones is being surprised (or reminded) by God’s incredible love for you. That’s what this book is all about, and that’s why Kerry’s story is a good place to start.

The first time Kerry came to our Sunday morning high school program, she heard about a week-long mission trip during Easter vacation to Mexicali, Mexico. Not knowing what she was really getting herself into, she signed up. Instead of relaxing at Palm Springs or kicking back at the beach, Kerry spent her week sleeping on the hard, dusty ground; playing with smiling, dirty-faced children; and standing in church services and long food lines with thousands of other high school students. Each day in Mexicali began and ended with a large group meeting of singing, special music, speakers, and small group discussions. It was during one of these meetings that the speaker gave an invitation to those who wanted to make a personal commitment to Christ. It was simple. Nothing flashy. No bolts of lightning zig-zagging down to earth. Kerry simply asked Jesus into her heart. It was her response to God’s radical, unconditional love for her.

Listen

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

My hope for you as you read this book is that you discover God’s radical love for you. Like Kerry, I hope your life becomes incredibly transformed by allowing God to live in your heart. In order to live for God, you have to be willing to get out of your comfort zones. That means breaking away from

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It’s breaking away from selfishness and the sins that entangle you like a giant, life-squeezing octopus on your heart. The only way to break your comfort zones is by accepting God’s love for you. His love frees you to live the wonderful life he has planned for you.

How can you be sure of God’s love? Let’s break it down in very simple terms. Romans 5:8 says that God demonstrates his love for you in this way: Even though you are a sinner, separated from God because of willful rejection of his ways, his radical love is proved by Christ dying on a cross for you.

God loves you and wants you to experience a life-transforming relationship with him. I’ve met hundreds of students who have given their lives to God, and like Kerry, their lives have never been the same. For better, not for worse. Break your comfort zones today—discover God’s 100-percent-guaranteed-unconditional-always-by-your-side-never-leave-you-or-forsake-you-hang-in-there-with-you-4-ever-always-believe-and-hope-in-you-type-of-radical-love-you’ve- never-seen-like-this-before. (You can take a breath now!)

Leap

If no one has ever told you about God’s radical love for you, here are some more verses to build on understanding how much he really loves you. John 3:16, 1 John 1:9, Romans 3:23, John 10:10. If you haven’t given your life to God, take a wild leap into God’s love. All you have to do is: Admit your need for him, say you’re sorry for your sins, ask him to take control of your life, and begin living for him today. If you’ve made this decision right now, find someone you can talk to about your new relationship with God. Talk to a friend. Find a church where other Christians can help you grow. Your new life in Christ is an exciting new adventure that’ll last a lifetime. If you’ve already made a decision to follow Jesus Christ, take some time to thank Jesus for his sacrifice for your sins. Ask him to daily fill you with his life and love. Read over these verses. You probably have a “Kerry” in one of your classes just waiting to break her comfort zones for God.

Am God’s Friend

Look

In January 1992, our junior high ministry left South Orange County in three white school buses packed with over a hundred screaming junior highers and staff for their annual “Wild Winter Weekend” retreat in the San Bernardino Mountains. Wild Winter Weekend turned into “Wild Winter Wipeout.” A bus accident is no way to start a retreat.

Todd and two buses arrived at camp safely, but the third bus missed the turn to camp and continued down the mountain road. A few minutes after Todd arrived, he received a phone call from a highway patrol officer who said that a white school bus had rolled off the mountain cliff in flames. On the bus was Todd’s pregnant wife, Tracie, two other staff, and thirty-eight junior high girls. That’s all the officer said, except that Todd should get down there pretty darn quick. All Todd could envision was a busload of screaming, burning people flying off a thousand-foot cliff.

Meanwhile, back at the church office, it was just after five and I was about to go home. Two lines rang. Jerry Hill, our executive pastor, picked up one line and I picked up the other. Different sources, same message: “This is Sgt. Jones with the Highway Patrol, and one of your buses went off a cliff. We have multiple injuries, some of them look critical.”

As the officer spoke, a major rescue effort was already underway. All the police, ambulance, and search and rescue scanners went off; the story was picked up by every major local and national news station. Within minutes, the phones were buzzing. Panicked moms called in. Dads listening to news on the radio dialed in on their car phones. News stations began to call in:

“This is CNN! Is it true that your bus went off a cliff?”

“Hi! Stan here with the L.A. Times.”

“Is my daughter OK? Is she?”

Understandably, parents were very upset. This was the type of major crisis you always hear about happening somewhere in the Ozarks, but we now had to figure out which of the hundred kids was on what bus, field calls from parents and the press, and formulate a crisis plan to handle the situation. Fortunately, we quickly developed a crisis management team, and within a few hours, the immediate crisis was brought under control. Somewhat under control.

After rolling one and a half times off a steep embankment, the bus finally came to a stop on its side. If the bus had rolled off a quarter mile down the road, then it would have careened off a thousand-foot cliff. A couple of people were seriously hurt with back injuries, including Todd’s wife. Thankfully, no one was killed. What was a horrible accident could have been an awful tragedy.

Listen

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

John 15:12–15

Rolling down a mountainside in a school bus would get anyone out of their comfort zone real quick. This junior high ministry is called F.O.G. (Friends of God). Their purpose is to learn how to develop a better friendship with God. Sometimes it takes something tragic to get our attention, to get us out of our comfort zones, to consider whom our most important friendships are with. When a number of the girls in the accident returned to camp the next day, they were greeted with hugs and kisses from a wild mob of friends. At first news of the accident, a lot of junior highers were wondering if they’d ever see their friends again. Some of them had probably taken their friendships for granted.

Are you a friend of God? Has anyone told you lately that Jesus Christ is the best friend you could ever have? Jesus says that anyone who’s willing to follow him is his friend. Are you willing to follow Jesus today? I hope so, because Jesus is the coolest, most loyal friend you could ever want.

Sometimes it’s easy to think of God as a really old guy with a long white beard, wearing flowing bed sheets and a Walkman. Other people tend to think God is some type of intelligent, cold, uncaring life force. It is easier to understand who God is when we hear Jesus say, “I have called you friends.” As a loyal friend, Jesus laid down his life for you by dying a brutal death on a cross. Why? (1) Because he loves you, and (2) so you could be friends with God forever. Just like any friendship, you prove your loyalty to your friends by doing what they ask you to do (as long as it’s completely moral, ethical, legal, and right on--not any of that silly, stupid sin stuff). Being a friend of God means doing what he says because he’s always looking out for you. Rejecting God’s friendship is spiritual suicide because God is the one who offers you eternal life in Jesus Christ. His friendship with you will last forever.

Leap

Why does it take tragedies or near tragedies to get us out of our comfort zones? What do you tend to take for granted in life? If you were to roll off a mountainside today, are your relationships with your family, friends, and God where you want them to be? What about your friendship with God? What has it been like lately? Take some time to sit down and pray about how you can develop better friendships with God, your friends at school, church, and yes, even your family. Don’t let a tragedy catch you in a comfort zone.

I Am a Child of God

Look

“Despite all my family problems, I know that I am not my family.”

Hank and I were sitting in our backyard patio talking about the struggles he had experienced growing up in a broken home. Hank’s parents were divorced when he was young, and his mom later remarried. He and his stepdad argued all the time. Their relationship wasn’t a pretty picture. As a high school student, Hank had a lousy relationship with his stepdad. At one point, Hank even moved out to a friend’s house for a couple of months until their conflicts simmered down.

Now in his early twenties, Hank looks back and realizes that even though he went through so many hard times as a teenager, he is still an important person in the eyes of God. Though his family had problems, Hank understands that he is not the sum total of all his family struggles. That’s a healthy attitude. Hank understands that he is an individual created by God: A child of God who is unconditionally loved by his heavenly Father. Hank knows he is responsible for the choices he makes. In our conversation, Hank didn’t blame his stepdad or disown his family. He simply admitted that he knows his growing-up years weren’t the best, but now, as a young adult, he’s responsible for creating his own history. Hank’s breaking his comfort zones by breaking free from bitterness and blaming others for his life. Hank knows he’s a child of God first. His security and significance rest in his heavenly Father.

Listen

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

1 John 3:1

Bitterness and blaming can destroy your spirit. You are not the sum total of your family’s problems. Rest in the comfort zone of God’s love. The comfort zones of blaming and bitterness are like heavy, rusty chains on your heart and soul.

Is Hank’s family situation similar to yours? Since there’s a fifty-fifty chance you come from a broken home, 1 John’“’’”’