Melanie—For putting up with almost four decades of character formation within me. For raising our six children as your highest priority. For living an unshakeable life through some of the most horrific storms anyone could go through. For smiling in this new season of life with a sense of satisfaction. You deserve a great reward! You are a model woman.
My children—For all six of you, who serve the Lord with honor in the house of the Lord. For your spouses who have become our new daughters and son. For our fellowship as a family as a new generation comes on the scene!
The Surge team—The twelve of you have helped me sharpen my missions vision to a fine edge in the last thirteen years. We have planted over twenty thousand churches together, and the best is yet to come.
The Remnant team—We have had many, many monthly conference calls, conferences, and one-day meetings for pastors. Keep living model lives.
Max Davis—Many thanks to Max Davis who came in and re-edited Model Man to make it “pop.” You were a joy to work with and did an outstanding job.
The business luncheon guys—Without you, the vision for Model Man would never have happened. Thanks for showing up by the hundreds week after week, encouraging me with the realization that men truly are hungry to pursue excellence.
The Bethany family—I pastored you for twenty-eight years and would lay down my life for you. Your infectious joy, community, and passion for souls are legendary.
My Bethany “sons”—To all of the model men who were once part of our twenty-eight pastors on staff and have gone on to plant some of the greatest churches in the United States today. My goal is to be a model man for you as long as the Lord gives me life.
FIVE YEARS AGO I wrote the book The Remnant: Restoring the Call to Personal Integrity.
Since that time, we have given away well over one hundred thousand copies of that book to pastors and staff in many nations and six languages. Our team has worked for five years with pastors worldwide, finishing twelve Remnant conferences in strategic areas of the United States in 2013. We had 3,786 pastors and staff attend those events. (Some of the thoughts in the opening chapters of this book will be based upon that book, and I highly recommend you read it as a sequel to this one.) Now it is time for a movement of model men worldwide who can shape the destiny of our world in the twenty-first century.
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Let integrity and uprightness preserve me. —PSALM 25:21, NKJV
INTEGRITY…WHAT IS IT? Simply put, integrity is the courage to do the right thing. It’s living a life of uprightness in the face of a corrupt world. And let me tell you, in today’s world that takes some courage. Normally, when we ponder the word courage, images instantly fill our minds of gallant soldiers flinging their bodies onto incoming RPGs in order to save their comrades, or selfless teachers taking bullets to protect innocent students during school shootings. The rescuers from 9/11 displayed dauntless courage as they sprinted into the World Trade Centers that fateful morning knowing full well the buildings were about to collapse. Those are all courageous acts indeed. Thank God for the bravery of men like that. America needs more of them. But have you considered the raw courage it takes to walk with integrity? It’s not as glamorous as other heroic acts, but it’s no less important. In fact, integrity is the foundation and basis of the model man.
We hear stories or see images of Christians that died as martyrs for Christ and wonder if we would ever have the courage to do that. I do believe in those moments God grants a special grace. Yet few of us realize that it also takes great courage to live uprightly for Christ day in and day out, to walk through the daily grind of this life with unswerving integrity, doing the right things when no one is watching, living by standards, principles, conscience, and convictions 100 percent of the time.
Today men are defined in many ways—by how much they can bench press, how many expensive toys they own, how much money they make or power they wield. You get it. But I maintain that a real man is defined by his integrity. Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is more desirable than great riches, to be esteemed is better than silver or gold” (NIV). How are you defined? Can you be bought, bribed, or manipulated? Does your good name mean more to you than any amount of money or compromise with sin?
The word integrity itself is derived from the same root as integer, meaning a whole number, “to be whole, no part missing.” A man’s character has to be whole—his thoughts, attitudes, marriage, money, and motives. Integrity is something that we are continually developing over the course of our lives and I believe one reason God had you pick this book up. You see, a man can be great in many areas, but if one area of his character is compromised, it could be his downfall. I’ve witnessed it time and time again—men who appeared to have rock-solid success on the outside (pastors, political leaders, businessmen, husbands with wonderful marriages and families), but somewhere along the line allowed compromise in one area and a crack was formed that weakened the integrity of their foundation. No one really noticed until suddenly there was a very public collapse of their entire structure, wounding many people. What seemingly occurred overnight, in reality, had been gradually mounting over time. Compromise is like that. It starts off small but grows stealthily until—bam!—it’s too late. If we are going to prevent the collapse of our nation, we men must have the courage to walk with integrity regardless of the costs.
Everything starts with integrity.
My ninety-five-year-old dad has described to me a time in our nation when men were defined by their word. Deals would be struck, money would be loaned, and property bought simply with a handshake and a promise. The idea of breaking their word was totally foreign to them. Men looked each other in the eye and were, in essence, saying, “I’d rather die than not repay this money or conclude this deal.” In that day, a man’s word was his bond. It was considered the highest of compliments for someone to say of you, “Now he’s a man of his word.” Oh God, give us men of their word today!
The Bible says that the Lord was with Samuel and “let none of his words fall to the ground” (1 Samuel 3:19). Samuel was a young man, but he was respected for the accuracy of his words. When you make a commitment to someone, it becomes the most important thing in your life to honor that commitment. Integrity is the making of promises and the keeping of those promises.
As a father, I learned that my children would hold me accountable for every promise I made to them. As a pastor, I learned that my church members would likewise hold me accountable for every announcement I made from the pulpit. Our motto at Bethany was, “If I said it, we have to do it.” Honoring your word is godly, literally “like God.” He honors His Word and His promises. So should we.
It’s important to honor our word in the little things as well as the big things. If we don’t honor our word in the small matters, we will surely compromise in the larger ones.
Make a habit of listening to yourself in conversations.
Did you just tell that person you would call him later today? How do you intend to remind yourself of that commitment so he is not waiting for your call until bedtime?
Did you just tell your wife you would be home at 5:00 for dinner? Will you have the discipline to be in your car after work at 4:30 to be sure you have enough time to honor her hard work in cooking for you?
Did you just tell that customer you would make it good if the product didn’t work for them? Do you have the apparatus to serve that customer when they do call back, or do you just intend to become hard to find at that point?
Billy Joe Daugherty, one of my close ministry friends, was a pastor of the large Victory Christian Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma, before his death from cancer several years ago. He exemplified integrity almost as much as any man I have ever known.
When Russia opened to the gospel in the early 1990s, Billy Joe went to Saint Petersburg and committed to those who attended a Lester Sumrall crusade that he would return each month for eighteen months in a row for another huge crusade in a twenty-thousand-seat stadium. Like clockwork, he returned eighteen months in a row to preach on Friday night and Saturday morning, then flew home and preached in his pulpit on Sunday.
On one of those Russian crusades, he noticed something different about the handbill the crusade staff had passed out. Terry Henshaw, his American assistant, informed Billy Joe that they had scheduled an additional concert for the crusade, featuring an American singer on Saturday night. “Unfortunately, the singer had to cancel because of an accident,” Terry said. “We have cancelled the stadium and sound system for Saturday night, but the other events of the weekend will go on as normal.”
Billy Joe asked him how many handbills had been printed and passed out. When he learned it was one hundred thousand, he said, “We are going to have a concert!”
His assistant replied, “We have no singer, and the whole venue is cancelled.”
“Terry,” Billy Joe replied, “that line on that piece of paper is our word and our integrity. You are going to sing!”
Pastor Daugherty left to go back to the States that Saturday afternoon. At great expense, Terry had to re-reserve the stadium and rehire the sound system for the concert. When he eased his car around the back of the huge stadium, he didn’t hear a sound inside. He thought that there was no one there.
To his surprise, when he parted the stage curtains and looked out into the arena, there were eight thousand citizens of Saint Petersburg sitting there. They had not gotten the word the concert was cancelled! Using two back-up singers, Terry sang a few songs, preached a simple message—and three hundred people came forward to accept Christ.
Because of integrity.
Integrity is the foundation of the model man, and truth is the foundation of integrity. Being real, authentic, genuine, and transparent builds integrity and restores it when it is broken. I have learned that people are very forgiving when I make a mistake but tend to lose confidence when they feel I am not truthful and genuine.
Have you ever wondered why a court officer asks witnesses in a trial to raise their right hand and repeat after him, “Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?” It’s because we have figured out so many ways to lie!
The oath should stop after the first phrase, “Do you promise to tell the truth?” Instead, the officer must ask us if we are telling the “whole” truth because we may be withholding information that would change the judgment of a juror about someone’s guilt or innocence. We call that a “half-truth.” In the same way, we are asked if we are telling “nothing but” the truth because sometimes people feel the need to embellish and dramatically exaggerate the facts in order to persuade a juror.
We could define a lie, then, as something communicated with the intent to deceive. It is possible to say absolutely nothing and still be deceptive. If I allow others to have a favorable but wrong perception of me without telling them the facts, it is a lie. If I withhold vital information that would change someone’s opinion of something, that is a lie. If I inflate the capabilities of a product or exaggerate my achievements, that is a lie.
People expect certain occupations to be disposed toward coloring the facts in order to sell a product or gain influence. In fact, America has come to be comfortable with lying. Comedian George Carlin recently joked, “The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post ‘Thou shalt not steal,’ ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery,’ and ‘Thou shalt not lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment!” He got a big laugh, but it’s really sad because it’s true. Studies have shown that a high percentage of people now believe that lying is a normal part of life.1
May that not be true for us!
Careful, thoughtful attention to our words and the perceptions of others is how we tell the truth. And if you happen to be married, honesty should start with your wife. Even if you know that you’ve blown it and may be embarrassed, you must never lie to your wife. The strength of your relationship should be built on mutual trust, and that starts with telling each other the truth.
Check the accuracy of every word that comes from your mouth. Is that description you just gave of one of your achievements an accurate portrayal of what really happened? Have you noticed a tendency to elasticize events and stories so that others will be impressed? It’s better to have lower numbers than to be a liar. There is no embarrassment like being labeled a liar. On the job, face up to your failures and weaknesses without blaming others or manipulating to save face. “I blew that one.” There, you said it. Your boss thinks, “Finally, someone I can trust! I’m going to find a way to work him into a higher position of responsibility.” Having had many employees through the years, I can tell you that when a man admits his mistakes to me without covering up or blaming others, I make a mental note that this is a man I can trust.
A man that is secure in who he is does not need to lie, even when he makes mistakes. Insecurity breeds lies.
Billy Graham was always the platinum standard of integrity throughout his many years of ministry. Fifty-six times he was voted as one of the world’s most admired men in the Gallup Poll. It is interesting that one of the tenets of how his organization operated was to be “honest and reliable in their publicity and reporting of results.”2 To this day, you will see a number for attendance and invitation responses that are accurate to the person of what actually occurred. His refusal to exaggerate gave him a world platform to sit with presidents and kings.
Your integrity must include your finances. After all, your finances tell people more about your integrity than almost any other indicator. Bad credit scores, assessments for back taxes, and mishandling of funds can be deadly to your reputation and career. The opposite is also true: if you handle money responsibly, people will respect and trust you more.
One day my assistant told me the local ABC affiliate television station had asked me to come to their station for a luncheon but hadn’t said why. I had been on that station for many years with a ninety-second inspirational thought. I was the only person with Christian programming that the family who owned the station would allow to buy airtime, and they owned our local newspaper as well. They were the media family of Baton Rouge. When I heard about the lunch invitation, I wondered if perhaps they were going to do some negative story on our ministry!
To my surprise, the luncheon was cordial, and the station owner said, “I’m sure you are wondering why you are here. We have done a study of our entire customer base and discovered that you are our only customer who has never been late in paying his account. We just wanted to honor you.”
Sigh of relief.
People in your community know you by your finances. Paying your bills on time is a big deal. The longer you do that, the higher your credit score and the higher the community’s opinion of you.
America is on the precipice of financial disaster because of a free-flowing, “pay when you can” attitude toward the future. It’s a shame more people aren’t like my dad. He built his first house by using his paycheck on Friday to buy a few panels of Sheetrock and install them on Saturday. I have visited that little home (still standing sixty years later) and have marveled that my parents built it for cash. Daddy says he didn’t have enough sense to know you could borrow money on a home!
Budget yourself with margins (more on this in the “Pace of Grace” chapter). Live within your means. Don’t buy everything your eyes look at. The American system is based upon the pressure to buy the “last one.” Daddy told me once, “I have confidence in the American mercantile system that they will always make one more.”
An equal area of financial integrity is taxes. Paul said in Romans 13:6-8: “Pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed. Owe no one anything, except to love each other.”
None of us wants to overpay the government, but our integrity demands that we fairly and promptly pay the government. We have representatives to address our taxation concerns, but that does not affect how we fill out our tax forms by April 15.
To me, the same principle holds true with God and His tithe. If I can’t have integrity with God’s tenth, how will I have integrity with man’s obligations?
Wayne Meyers, the legendary missionary to Mexico for over sixty-five years, told of riding along with a Mexican pastor who admitted to Wayne that he didn’t tithe.
“Stop the car and let me out!” Wayne said abruptly.
The pastor replied, “But sir, these roads are full of bandits.”
Wayne said to the pastor, “I would rather take my chances with men who rob other men than with someone who is daring enough to rob God!”
A final area of fiscal integrity has to do with those small day-to-day decisions we make on reimbursements and company benefits. Daniel was so meticulous in his handling of finances that his enemies “could find no ground for complaint or any fault, because he was faithful, and no error or fault was found in him” (Daniel 6:4). Is that small fudging on an expense report really worth it if there is an investigation and your reputation is destroyed by your small, behind-the-scenes decisions on road trips?
One of my church members came to me once about a screw he had picked up from a huge barrel full of them at his workplace. He needed a screw just that size to fix an appliance at home and thought nothing about dropping it into his pocket. On the way home from work that evening, however, he passed his local hardware store and a voice spoke to him from within: “Is that little screw worth sacrificing your integrity before God and your company?” He steered his car toward the store and purchased the same screw for only pennies, returning the company’s screw the next day. I know that may sound extreme, but it’s not. We build habits by starting with the small things.
When our state was hit with a powerful hurricane (not Katrina) several years ago, money poured in to our church from all over America to aid the victims. Over several months, we disbursed the funds carefully, helping with roofs, supplies, and even churches that had no power.
After almost a year of benevolence, we could no longer find a legitimate need that was unmet, and we still had $25,000 in the relief account. My CFO asked me what to do with it, and I remembered that one very wealthy businessman had given exactly $25,000 into the fund. We returned his money and told him of our gratitude, saying that the project no longer required funding.
A couple of weeks later, I got a letter from this billion-aire. In essence, he said, “In all my years of philanthropy, I have never had anyone return money to me. Because of this integrity, I will look forward to supporting your ministry any way I can in the future with even more resources.”
Integrity…It’s the foundation of who you are, what your family will become, and how successful your business endeavors will be. It’s how you behave when no one is looking. It is living your life in the fear of God without regard for man’s opinion. Living with integrity takes courage.
Be courageous and do the right thing. It will preserve you and your family.
If you just got this one chapter, it would be worth your getting this book. We have eight more principles like this, each one shaping, molding, and making you into God’s model.
1. For example, an Associated Press poll showed that four in ten Americans believe lying is justified sometimes. The same number believe it is all right to exaggerate a story sometimes, and a third say it’s all right to lie to get a sick day. “The Associated Press Lying Study,” June 28, 2006, http://surveys.ap.org/data/Ipsos/national/2006/2006-06-28%20LYING%20Study.pdf.
2. Billy Graham Center, “What part did the Modesto Manifesto play in the ministry of Billy Graham?” http://www2.wheaton.edu/bgc/archives/faq/4.htm.
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls. —PROVERBS 25:28, NKJV
MEN, HEAR ME.