www.billferguson.com
www.masteryoflife.com
www.relationshipseminars.net
Return to the Heart
P.O. Box 541813
Houston, Texas 77254
U.S.A.
(713) 520-5370
www.billferguson.com
www.masteryoflife.com
www.relationshipseminars.net
Copyright © 2008, 2012 by Bill Ferguson
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of an audio recording, nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private use without the written permission of the publisher.
Book design by Mark Gelotte
www.markgelotte.com
Library of Congress
Control Number: 2007905881
ISBN 1-878410-41-5
ISBN: 9781878410450
Printed in the United States of America
This book is dedicated to Sue: my wife, my partner and my best friend.
Introduction
You have the ability to create an incredible life. Problem areas can clear up and relationships can heal. The key to accomplishing this is to take the focus off of your circumstances and look inside.
This is because the areas of life that don’t work are not the problem. They are symptoms of something deeper. The real problem is an underlying condition of resisting or hanging on.
This condition creates a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision. It destroys your effectiveness and takes away your power. It keeps you from finding solutions and it forces you to act in a way that makes your situation worse.
Every area of life that doesn’t work and every self-sabotaging behavior pattern can be traced to this underlying condition. The moment this condition is removed, you restore your ability to see clearly. Solutions appear and this area of life begins to clear up.
This underlying condition is created by certain specific core issues. Until these issues are healed and the condition removed, you will be powerless in this area of your life. The problem areas will continue, and you will be forced to repeat the past.
The first part of this book shows how we create our lives, particularly the areas of life that don’t work. Once you discover why your life is the way that it is, you become more able to determine how your life will be.
The second part of the book is about finding and actually removing these destructive underlying conditions. As this happens, you change your life.
Instead of creating a life of fear and upset, you start creating a life of love and opportunity. You restore the happiness and freedom you once had. You become far more effective and much more able to have your dreams come true.
At the end of each chapter, there will be a page that suggests specific action to take. Take the action and watch for miracles.
Part I
Why Certain Areas of Life Don’t Work
1. We create our lives
2. The happiness that we seek
3. The nature of upsets
4. The hurt that sabotages our lives
5. How we create and destroy love
6. Accepting 100% responsibility
7. We fight the truth
8. Letting go
Part 2
Be Free of the Underlying Conditions That Sabotage Life
9. Releasing emotion
10. Healing core issues
11. Find the hurt
12. The illusion of judgment
13. Facing the dragon
14. The healing process
15. Steps for more healing
16. The opportunity of life
CHAPTER ONE
We Create Our Lives
Life doesn’t just happen. We create our lives. We create our lives out of the way we see life. We then act consistent with the way we see life, and life responds accordingly.
This is why each person’s life is so different. The type of situations and circumstances that show up in one person’s life are totally different from those that show up in the next person’s life.
Notice that there are certain areas of your life that work effortlessly. These same areas will be disaster zones for someone else.
Now notice that there are certain areas of your life where you suffer. These areas may clear up from time to time, but they keep coming back. They keep coming back because you keep creating them.
The type of situations that show up in your life are a reflection of how you relate to life. When you change how you relate to life, you change what gets reflected back.
When an area of life isn’t working, we think that the problem is the result of our circumstances, but this is an illusion. The circumstances are not the problem. They are the symptom of something much deeper. The real problem is an underlying condition of resisting or hanging on.
This condition creates a state of fear, upset, and tunnel vision that destroys your ability to see clearly. It keeps you from seeing what needs to be done, and forces you to act in a way that either creates the problem or keeps you from resolving it.
Every time a relationship or any other area of life isn’t working, this condition will be present.
Until this underlying condition is found and removed, you will be forced to act in the same way, which will produce the same result. The problem will continue and your life will remain the same.
If you want to resolve a problem area of your life, take your focus off of the symptoms, and put your focus on finding and removing the condition that creates the problem.
The moment you do this, everything changes. You restore your peace of mind and see your situation in a very different way. Solutions appear and this area of life starts clearing up.
Fortunately, the process for finding and removing this condition is very simple and very fast. This book will walk you through the steps.
Throughout this book, you will discover certain profound truths. As you let in these truths, they will change the way you live your life. This in turn changes what happens in the world around you.
Let’s start the process by looking at the law of cause and effect.
The law of cause and effect
“Cause and effect” is the relationship between two events. For example, if your telephone rings, you will probably answer it. The telephone ring is the “cause” and your answering it is the “effect.” The “cause” produces the “effect.”
At any moment, you are totally, 100% at the effect of the world around you. No matter what happens around you, you will react accordingly.
At the same time, the world around you is totally 100% at the effect of you. Whatever you do, or don’t do, the world around you will react to you. This makes you the cause.
You are totally at the effect of everything around you. You are also the cause. You are both at the same time. You react to the world around you and the world reacts to you.
Although you are both, you only experience yourself as being one or the other. You either experience yourself as being the “cause” of your life or you experience yourself as being “at the effect.”
How you experience yourself at any moment determines both the quality of your life and what happens in it.
When you experience yourself as being “at the effect,” you are the victim of your circumstances and you have no power. Your confidence quickly drops. You close down, become negative, and lose your ability to take effective action.
Every time you are upset and every time you are faced with an area of your life that isn’t working, you are “at the effect.”
Think of a time when you have been in this state and notice how uncomfortable it was.
Now find a time when you were “at the effect” of something and for some reason, you decided that you had had enough. You reached your limit and decided to take action. You then took steps to turn your situation around.
Notice how you felt when this happened. Instantly, you got your power back. You felt good about yourself and good about life. You became confident, creative, and full of energy.
Instead of the circumstances having power over you, you gained power over your circumstances. Without knowing, you shifted from being “at the effect” to being “at cause.” You changed your life and you did it with nothing more than a thought.
When you live your life “at cause,” you have power over your life. You are on top of your circumstances. You can chart your course and you can make your dreams come true.
When you are “at the effect,” you feel like your circumstances are on top of you. You are powerless and unable to move forward.
In this book, you will learn what puts you “at the effect” and how to live “at cause.” You will learn why certain areas of your life don’t work and how to have them clear up. You will learn the key to creating a life that will exceed your dreams.
Action To Take
CHAPTER TWO
The Happiness That We Seek
Ultimately, the happiness that we seek is somthing called “the experience of love.” When you are in this state, you automatically interact in a way that has life work.
To see this in your life, look at what happens in you when you feel loved and appreciated. You are happy, alive and free. You feel good about yourself and good about your life. You are confident and creative. You see life clearly and are very effective.
You also have a very positive attitude. You radiate this positive energy into the world around you and life reflects it back. Great things happen when the experience of love is present.
Take a moment now and notice how you feel when you are in this state. Isn’t this the happiness that you seek? Isn’t this what you want in your relationships and in your life?
Now notice where this state is located. Is it outside of you or inside of you? Obviously, it’s inside of you. The experience of love is an inner state.
The opposite state is one of fear and upset. When you are in this state, life is painful. You close down and lose your ability to see clearly. You also become very negative. You become negative in your thinking, your speaking, and in your actions.
You then radiate this negative energy into your life and life gives it right back. Without knowing, you create opposition and resistance against yourself. Negative things happen all around you.
Notice how if feels when you are in this state. Now notice where the feelings are located. They are not in your circumstances. They are inside of you.
Fear, upsets, and the experience of love are all states of mind. One moment you feel one way and in the next moment you feel another way. Sometimes you are in the experience of love and sometimes you are in a state of fear and upset.
The particular state that you are in at any moment seems to be the result of what happens around you, but as we’ll soon see, this is an illusion. Your state of mind is not determined by what happens. It’s determined by how you relate to what happens.
Instead of your circumstances determining your inner state, your inner state determines what kind of circumstances show up in your life.
When you are in the experience of love, you radiate a positive energy and great things happen. When you are full of fear and upset, you radiate a negative energy and painful things happen.
Your inner state determines how you relate to life, which determines how life responds to you. But this is not what we have been taught. We have been taught that happiness and upsets come from outside of us.
As long as we believe that happiness and upsets come from outside of us, we will go through life trying to force our circumstances to be a certain way.
For example, if I think that happiness comes from my wife treating me a certain way, then I have to do whatever I can to make her treat me this way.
The problem with this way of thinking is that the more we try to force people and life to be a certain way, the more we create the exact opposite of what we want.
Instead of creating the happiness that we seek, we create more fear and upset. We destroy the experience of love. We sabotage our lives and keep our dreams from coming true.
A good way to see this is to look at the law of resistance.
The law of resistance
One of the most powerful ways that we sabotage our lives is by resisting. When we resist, we magnify and give power to whatever we are resisting. Here are some examples that demonstrate this:
Imagine four yellow balloons on the ceiling above you. Now, whatever you do, don’t think of them. You just thought about them. Don’t do that.