© 2013 Rebellion Dogs Publishing-second printing 2014
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1. addiction/recovery, 2. self-help, 3. freethinking/philosophy
The brief excerpts from Pass it On, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Living Sober, Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, The Big Book and “Box 4-5-9” are reprinted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (“AAWS”) Permission to reprint these excerpts does not mean that AAWS has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, or that AAWS necessarily agrees with the views expressed herein. A.A. is a program of recovery from alcoholism only—use of these excerpts in connection with programs and activities which are patterned after A.A., but which address other problems, or in any other non-A.A. context, does not imply otherwise. Additionally, while A.A. is a spiritual program, A.A. is not a religious program. Thus, A.A. is not affiliated or allied with any sect, denomination, or specific religious belief.
See our end notes and bibliography for more referenced material contained in these pages.
ABOUT THIS BOOK:
It doesn’t matter how much we earn, who we know, our education or what we believe. We are all susceptible to process or substance addiction. Addiction doesn’t discriminate; recovery language shouldn’t either. Beyond Belief is an inclusive conversation about recovery and addiction. Anyone can join in. Beyond Belief talks a secular, agnostic approach to recovery and addiction. Readers neither need to accept another’s beliefs nor deny their own. Believers get clean and sober; nonbelievers do, too. Believers have to guard against relapse and so do doubters. Experience—not expertise—is our currency. Everyone’s experience can contribute, from the newcomer to the old-timer and from our realists to our more religious members.
Beyond Belief is the interactive recovery tool one would expect for this century. From the Index, 365 daily reflections can be hyperlinked. For personal searches or group discussion, the Index hyperlinks to musings for120 topics.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions are sometimes interpreted in this book in an agnostic or secular language. The Steps and Traditions are not sacred. As the author Bill W. said, “We must remember that A.A.’s Steps are suggestions only. A belief in them, as they stand, is not at all a requirement for membership among us. This liberty has made A.A. available to thousands who never would have tried at all had we insisted on the Twelve Steps just as written (Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age pg. 81).”
What Professionals and 12&12 Members have said:
Nancy B., retired R.N. Montreal, Canada
I have been pink clouding it on the "Road of Happy Destiny" since January of 1976. I have always been an avid reader. When I came in contact with Twelve Step programs, I was compelled to read a large chunk of the literature from many of the different ones—A.A., O.A. C.A., M.A., and Al-Anon. I have also read many books from the Hazelden Publishers. The Daily Readers from many of these programs have been extremely helpful over the years, allowing me to tap into the spiritual wisdom of the world without any religious fervour.
I've found Joey C,'s book full of spiritual thoughts, with no hidden agenda. He pulls strengths from all over the world, and his comments have a way of making me want to read more. While reading these pages I did not feel that I had to filter out any ideas that were not acceptable to my own spiritual truths.
Before January 1976, I had no belief beyond my “finite self,” and not much trust in my fellow humans. I now believe that there is a much stronger power available in this world than I had realized and it can be found through books like this one.
Michel D.
AA can, and must, adapt to changing circumstances and Bill Wilson was the first one to admit it. Unfortunately, members who have come after him are more zealous than our first members ever were. We have seen this dogmatism in history before of course, especially in religion. This is a very slippery slope to take.
I really like the fact that these reflections are for anyone who has an open mind. It does not cater to a specific group to the exclusion of others. All that is asked is that one keeps an open mind.
Melissa D., Clinical Psychologist, California
WOW—what an undertaking to make this book a reality. I have never seen a daily devotional book written for agnostics. I found the readings to be extremely thought provoking. I wonder sometimes since there is such talk about God at meetings, what kind of turn-off that must be for agnostics.
Understanding that surrender is also a process for agnostics, I would definitely recommend Beyond Belief, particularly for the introspective, knowledge-seeking agnostic, who earnestly wishes to grow emotionally and intellectually in the program. I think this book will be very helpful to both the newcomer and the mature Twelve Step member.
Joan E., sober since 1974
Where else are we going to find Leonard Cohen, the Dalai Lama, Erika Jong, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Mother Teresa and Dr. Seuss all in one place? Rather than dwelling on how sick we are and how we need to work to get better, Beyond Belief often focuses on the theme of “You're OK, and recovery will come faster if you learn to accept that as a truth.”
These reflections go beyond one idea, because they reach beyond solving problems through prayer—though there is nothing wrong with prayer. I would recommend this book to faith-filled Twelve Step members as well as recovering non-theists, with absolutely no reservation at all. Beyond Belief simply gathers some answers and poses some interesting questions—into one compact format.
Joan E’s favorite quote from Beyond Belief: "Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it is the only one you have." Emile Chartier (1868 – 1951)
Dr. Amy, MSW, Ph.D.
Beyond Belief offers a spiritual welcome mat to agnostics and free thinkers in recovery. Joe C. provides readers with a thoughtful and enlightened year-long road map to self-improvement that reaches beyond the bounds of traditional Twelve Step thought—Bravo!”
Given my chosen profession I have had the opportunity to read countless daily meditation books—and this is a good one. Although the context is recovery from a 12-Step perspective, readers are invited to address the issue from their own philosophical view. One criticism of the 12 Step movement of course is that its dogma can be limiting—Beyond Belief seems to have addressed this. The quotes are cogent, the organization superb and the contributors are diverse.
From a clinical perspective I like that various schools of thought are called upon—Transactional Analysis, Jungian, etc. This daily meditation book provides a cross-section of spiritual and philosophical thought that is accessible to all, regardless of one’s personal beliefs—in that sense it really is beyond belief.
Amy’s favorite quote, “Go on a hunt for any areas of incompletion, large or small, and you will not be disappointed. A burst of creativity will often follow the completion of some long-left issue. Clearing up an incompletion gives you a felling of aliveness that you can get nowhere else.” Gay Hendricks, Ph.D. & Kathlyn Henricks, Ph.D. Amy S. D’Aprix is the author of From Surviving to Thriving: Transforming Your Caregiving Journey
Rebellion Dogs Publishing: a voice of reason in the recovery community. Visit our website http://www.rebelliondogspublishing.com for community, merchandise and the latest in blogs links and resources. Find other atheists, agnostics and apostates in recovery and join the conversation. Rebellion Dogs—more bite, less dogma.
Foreword
by Ernest Kurtz, Ph.D.
(author of The Spirituality of Imperfection and Not-God: A History of Alcoholics Anonymous)
One meaning of reflection, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is “the action of turning (back) or fixing the thoughts on some subject; meditation, deep or serious consideration.” This treasure of a book offers spurs to reflection and more. Drawing on a rich variety of often surprising sources, each day's reading provides not a mere bite but a full meal of thoughts for the coming or just-past day. Since my mornings tend to be rushed, Beyond Belief soon moved itself into my mid-afternoon “break” period, where it could shed more leisurely light both backwards and forwards.
Beyond Belief terms its offerings musings rather than “meditations.” The O.E.D. gives the first meaning of the verb muse as “to be absorbed in thought; to meditate continuously in silence; to ponder.” Absorbed . . . ponder: this book is not light reading. I have not so far wanted to fight with it, but I do find Beyond Belief often challenging, sometimes provocative, unfailingly stimulating.
The book is aimed at a general 12-Step readership, but it is mindful that there heretofore exist no such aids for unbelievers, freethinkers, and the unconventionally spiritual. Given that the latest Pew survey found that twenty percent of the American people list their religious affiliation as “None,” it is certainly time that the Recovery world took into consideration this population's needs. Beyond Belief addresses that need in a confident, non-aggressive way. I doubt that any believer will find anything objectionable in its pages. This believer, for one, finds much that is spiritually helpful.
If I have one criticism of this book it is that its musings are too rich. On quite a few pages I wished to pause and think after virtually every sentence. For many, reading Beyond Belief will require a pen or pencil in hand and perhaps a notebook on the side.
This is the first daily reflection book of which I know that offers a lengthy “Notes” section as well as a full Bibliography. The Notes are far more than mere citations, often presenting brief additional discussion and even new material that more frequently than not is as rich as the text itself.
In addition to the Notes and Bibliography, the end-matter of Beyond Belief contains a full Index that allows searching out individual musings on just about any topic. Having problems with “ego”? Check out May 29, August 8, September 24 or seven other dates. Polishing your gratitude? Flip to March 2, June 16, November 12 or eleven other dates.
Beyond Belief will enrich anyone interested in living a 12-Step life.
PREFACE
BEYOND BELIEF: Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life
A funny thing happened to me on my way to the new millennium. I realized that I had been a closet agnostic for a lot of my recovery. I had stayed clean and sober without the white light experience of an intervening God who grants sobriety, serenity or anything Bill W.-ish. We hear “fake it until you make it” in the rooms, and that’s what I did. Decades into my faking it, I hadn’t made it, in as far as feeling the presence of God. I felt like an imposter in Twelve & Twelve meetings.
Then came the Internet. I found a community of nonbelievers in recovery. Although a minority in Twelve Step culture, we are not freaks of nature. Some of my new nonbeliever friends had their own agnostic groups and some just fit their way into the mainstream fellowship, either apologetically or obnoxiously. I am now, truly, no longer alone. I don’t have to feign belief in order to feel like I belong.
There is no shortage of daily meditation books for addicts who are predisposed to a worldview that includes a deity. But when I went looking for a daily reflection book not based on a monotheistic worldview, I couldn’t find one, so I wrote one. It took four years. Art, philosophy, religion, comedy, science and the folk-wisdom of Twelve & Twelve rooms are all drawn upon within these pages.
This book speaks in an agnostic voice. Nonbelievers have something to add to the recovery conversation. There is no bias against faith in God or other deities. Some of my best friends believe in God. I don’t consider them absurd and they don’t see me as inferior. Non-theists are not intellectual holdouts. Non-theists are not more evolved. Beliefs are like favorite colors. If I like green and you like yellow that shouldn’t interfere with our discussion of addiction and recovery.
The Big Book’s chapter “We Agnostics” draws a line in the sand: “God either is or He isn’t. What was our choice to be?” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 53) Nature abhors a vacuum and a state of nothing can’t exist in either the material or spiritual world. This kind of binary thinking made sense in the autocratic world of 1939. But in a democratic, pluralist society, all-or-nothing thinking is a cognitive distortion—a philosophical assumption that everything is right or wrong, good or evil, superior or inferior. In this millennium, people can hold opposing views and be equals in the same community. Our Traditions, lovingly and tolerantly, make room for more than one truth. That’s a good thing, because the only problem with the truth is that there are so many versions of it.
If you believe in God and I do not, we both let go... then, I don’t know. Maybe God scoops up our will, puts His hand on our shoulders and guides us in the right direction. I don’t think so but maybe you’re right. The action in the Step that we both take is letting go. The theology of what happens next is an interesting discussion but irrelevant to getting sober and living well, à la Twelve Steps. Unity is not about uniformity of beliefs; it’s about a common purpose. Firm on principles, our methods stay flexible.
In the mid-1970s, when I got clean and sober, an Alcoholics Anonymous advertisement regularly ran in my local newspaper. It said, “If you want to drink and can, that’s your business. If you want to quit and can’t, that’s our business. Call AA...” The ad included the local Intergroup phone number. What it conveyed to me was that if I wanted to drink, AA had nothing for me except warm regards. If I had no problem quitting by myself, AA would mind its own business. But if I wanted to quit and could not stay stopped, AA was one way that worked.
Our creed includes some common beliefs:
(1) Addiction is an incurable, progressive illness.
(2) One day at a time, we can stay sober.
(3) Self-reliance was insufficient for us to get and/or stay sober.
(4) Honesty, open-mindedness, self-evaluation and a willingness to make amends and help others are tools to get and stay clean and sober (recovery).
Some of us consider these tenets facts. Some of us concede that these tenets don’t hold up as facts when subjected to scientific scrutiny. Nonetheless, as facts or ideas, they are our creed. These ideas are true for us and we feel it in our guts.
Alcoholics Anonymous started as a conversation between two amateurs who couldn’t make it on their own. Others joined the conversation. They weren’t experts, either. Since 1935, there hasn’t been a generally recognized expert on addiction, prevention or recovery inside AA. As far as I know, none of the other 500 organizations that have taken the Twelve Step tenets and run with them have produced an expert either.1 I have friends in AA, NA, SLAA, OA, FA, CA, Al-Anon, GA, ACA and other Twelve & Twelve fellowships. I call myself a qualified member in some of these meetings. In other cases, I have gone to meetings to support a friend or to satisfy my own curiosity. I have read and learned new things from each group’s literature.
When referring to the Steps and Traditions, this book uses an addiction-generic, faith-neutral translation of The Steps adopted by some Twelve & Twelve agnostic groups. The Steps aren’t considered sacred by every member, certainly not every nonbeliever. Many members with a variety of worldviews interpret, omit or replace Steps in a way that works effectively for them. The agnostic interpretation of the Twelve Steps used in this book isn’t poetry and these Steps aren’t universally embraced, not even by every agnostic or atheist Twelve Step member. I find in these agnostic Steps the essence of what the original Twelve Steps ask of us. They reflect the thought and action required to combat the destructive control of addiction and the artful balancing act of living clean and sober. Every member decides to work or dismiss each Step and how to interpret them. The variation used in this book is designed to not leave anyone out of the conversation.
The notion of taking artistic liberty with the program offends those in the Twelve Step orthodoxy. Bill Wilson was quite clear about the inherent liberty that groups and their members enjoy. Buddhists replaced the word “God” with “good” so that the practice of the Steps could be compatible with their non-theistic belief. Bill wrote, “To some of us, the idea of substituting ‘good’ for ‘God’ in the Twelve Steps will seem like a watering down of A.A.’s message. But here we must remember that A.A.’s Steps are suggestions only. A belief in them as they stand is not at all a requirement for membership among us. This liberty has made A.A. available to thousands who never would have tried at all had we insisted on the Twelve Steps just as written.”2
Much of the language for the new millennium hasn’t been crafted yet. The words “atheist” and “nonbeliever” describe someone by what they are not. “Freethinker” as a description of non-theists might seem to suggest that all religious people have rigid viewpoints, which isn’t fair or true. Language lags behind culture. For example, all of us believe women and men have an equal right to vote. We no longer use the word “suffragist” to describe ourselves. One day, none of us will have to describe ourselves by what we do not believe.
Look at how far we’ve come from when the Twelve Step phenomena started. Society is more culturally diverse and more globally connected. Our understanding of addiction and recovery has expanded with our growing experience. Naturally, language evolves, too. Terms like “John Barleycorn” or patriarchal phrases like “This is the Step [Six] that separates the men from the boys” sound goofy to today’s reader.3 In time, the language in this book will sound just as dated.
Some of the newest fellowships are devoted to Century Twenty-one problems. Who, in the mid-1980s, could have conceived of addiction to online gaming? OLGA is a new millennium fellowship that presents the age-old Steps using a new-age language. Each new fellowship speaks the language of the day. For the most part, the newer the fellowship, the less emphasis is placed on God and the less the addict is referred to using a masculine pronoun.
Twenty-first century stewardship of Twelve & Twelve fellowships is in transition. Around the year 2005, the first of Generation X celebrated their 40th birthdays. In North America alone, children born between 1965 and 1980 number 51 million. Some have been sobering up, getting active and preparing to captain Team-Recovery. No second generation runs the family business just like Mom and Dad did. Gen X alcoholics and addicts are by no means Baby Boomer clones. Demographers describe this version of homo sapiens as educated, individualistic and flaunting an unabashed disdain for structure and authority. Gen X faces our age-old addiction problem with an enigmatic attitude.
Right behind Gen X we see 75 million North American Millennials (Generation Y or Gen Next, born from 1981 to 2000). These youth were wired to the net before they got wired from addiction. Before the end of this century, the new bleeding deacon will be the multi-tasking, gadget-dependent, silver-haired web-surfer.
Hey, change is not inevitable—there is always extinction. When hardening of the attitudes is allowed, organizations will reify. Members tend to vote to keep things the same, more than to embrace change. In my own recovery, I experienced population growth in Alcoholics Anonymous from less than one million in the mid-1970s to a doubling twenty years later. For the generation of AA members that came before me, perpetual growth was all they knew. Early in the 1990s, AA population stalled at two million members and it remained +/- 10% of that high water mark for two decades.4 Smaller, newer fellowships are growing. Technically, AA population is an outside issue to other fellowships. Yet as the granddaddy of Twelve Steppery, AA is something we all have some connection to. Is AA more likely to sustain the same numbers indefinitely? Will it increases or decrease in population?
Survival of the Twelve Step movement depends on the delicate balancing act of sticking to our principles while adapting to our environment. We could grow; alternately, we could stall and shrink. Imagine if we celebrated the 100th anniversary of the Twelve Steps, with the few thousand faithful members huddled around the carefully preserved 164 pages of the Big Book. Like other change-resistant cultures such as the Amish or Mennonites, the world would view us as charming, harmless and irrelevant.
Bill Wilson wrote, “AA will always have its traditionalists, fundamentalists and its relativists.”5 Each camp looks at stewardship differently. For example, anonymity means something different to most members with twenty-first century dry dates than it does to baby-boomer old-timers. Spiritual lingo, rituals and what defines “outside issues” are all subject to review by Generation-Next.
Nonbelievers as a demographic are something that this millennium is getting used to. A survey conducted by Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life (2012) reveals that the “‘Nones’ are on the rise.” People who identify themselves as being unaffiliated with a religion rose from 15% to 20% between 2007 and 2012. While 13 million American adults identify as atheists/agnostics, another 33 million have no particular theistic view.6 This news falls on the heels of a 2011 Survey in the UK that shows that 29% of British and Welsh respondents and only 35% of Scottish respondents claim to be religious. In Canada the 2008 Harris-Decima poll reported that 72% of Canadians believe in a god, 23% do not believe and 6% offered no opinion (rounded numbers).7
The daily musings in this book are written in the customary we voice. I know—only obnoxious people talk this way in meetings. However, this is the customary style used in self-help writing. There are imperfections with the English language and they become even more pronounced using this we voice. Technically, “God of our understanding” should be “Gods of our understanding.” If two people believe in God, the God of one’s understanding is a different one than the other’s—hence, Gods. “Clearing away the wreckage on our side of the street” would be more grammatically correct as “our sides of the street” but nobody talks that way. “Our drug of choice” should be “our drugs of choice” and “our inner-child” should be “our inner children” to be consistent with the plural “our.” As an editorial turning point there was no way to be grammatically correct and not come across as awkward. Most daily reflection books are penned this way so we do too, despite the ambiguity.
As it turns out, each of the 365 pages is a continuation of an ongoing discussion in the rooms. I dare not take ownership of any of these ideas or interpretations. I have been in Twelve Step meetings, pondering the questions of the universe, for so long that I dare not draw the line between original thought and ideas crafted from the wisdom of meetings and coffee shops. I have been studying Twelve Step books and attending meetings, conferences, Step studies, service meetings and retreats for over 13,000 twenty-four hour periods. It’s safe to say that this book captures neither originality nor expertise. The days reflect lessons learned in and out of the rooms and questions that continue to amuse or perplex me.
I don’t hope or expect to find bobble-headed agreement with every thesis on every day. Agree or disagree, be inspired or be skeptical. Please treat these pages as part of a never-ending dialogue. I didn’t start this conversation. Let’s keep it going. We’re all in this together.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
PREFACE
JANUARY
Jan 1
Jan 2
Jan 3
Jan 4
Jan 5
Jan 6
Jan 7
Jan 8
Jan 9
Jan 10
Jan 11
Jan 12
Jan 13
Jan 14
Jan 15
Jan 16
Jan 17
Jan 18
Jan 19
Jan 20
Jan 21
Jan 22
Jan 23
Jan 24
Jan 25
Jan 26
Jan 27
Jan 28
Jan 29
Jan 30
Jan 31
FEBRUARY
Feb 1
Feb 2
Feb 3
Feb 4
Feb 5
Feb 6
Feb 7
Feb 8
Feb 9
Feb 10
Feb 11
Feb 12
Feb 13
Feb 14
Feb 15
Feb 16
Feb 17
Feb 18
Feb 19
Feb 20
Feb 21
Feb 22
Feb 23
Feb 24
Feb 25
Feb 26
Feb 27
Feb 28
Feb 29
MARCH
Mar 1
Mar 2
Mar 3
Mar 4
Mar 5
Mar 6
Mar 7
Mar 8
Mar 9
Mar 10
Mar 11
Mar 12
Mar 13
Mar 14
Mar 15
Mar 16
Mar 17
Mar 18
Mar 19
Mar 20
Mar 21
Mar 22
Mar 23
Mar 24
Mar 25
Mar 26
Mar 27
Mar 28
Mar 29
Mar 30
Mar 31
April
Apr 1
Apr 2
Apr 3
Apr 4
Apr 5
Apr 6
Apr 7
Apr 8
Apr 9
Apr 10
Apr 11
Apr 12
Apr 13
Apr 14
Apr 15
Apr 16
Apr 17
Apr 18
Apr 19
Apr 20
Apr 21
Apr 22
Apr 23
Apr 24
Apr 25
Apr 26
Apr 27
Apr 28
Apr 29
Apr 30
MAY
May 1
May 2
May 3
May 4
May 5
May 6
May 7
May 8
May 9
May 10
May 11
May 12
May 13
May 14
May 15
May 16
May 17
May 18
May 19
May 20
May 21
May 22
May 23
May 24
May 25
May 26
May 27
May 28
May 29
May 30
May 31
JUNE
June 1
June 2
June 3
June 4
June 5
June 6
June 7
June 8
June 9
June 10
June 11
June 12
June 13
June 14
June 15
June 16
June 17
June 18
June 19
June 20
June 21
June 22
June 23
June 24
June 25
June 26
June 27
June 28
June 29
June 30
JULY
July 1
July 2
July 3
July 4
July 5
July 6
July 7
July 8
July 9
July 10
July 11
July 12
July 13
July 14
July 15
July 16
July 17
July 18
July 19
July 20
July 21
July 22
July 23
July 24
July 25
July 26
July 27
July 28
July 29
July 30
July 31
AUGUST
Aug 1
Aug 2
Aug 3
Aug 4
Aug 5
Aug 6
Aug 7
Aug 8
Aug 9
Aug 10
Aug 11
Aug 12
Aug 13
Aug 14
Aug 15
Aug 16
Aug 17
Aug 18
Aug 19
Aug 20
Aug 21
Aug 22
Aug 23
Aug 24
Aug 25
Aug 26
Aug 27
Aug 28
Aug 29
Aug 30
Aug 31
SEPTEMBER
Sep 1
Sep 2
Sep 2
Sep 4
Sep 5
Sep 6
Sep 7
Sep 8
Sep 9
Sep 10
Sep 11
Sep 12
Sep 13
Sep 14
Sep 15
Sep 16
Sep 17
Sep 18
Sep 19
Sep 20
Sep 21
Sep 22
Sep 23
Sep 24
Sep 25
Sep 26
Sep 27
Sep 28
Sep 29
Sep 30
OCTOBER
Oct 1
Oct 2
Oct 3
Oct 4
Oct 5
Oct 6
Oct 7
Oct 8
Oct 9
Oct 10
Oct 11
Oct 12
Oct 13
Oct 14
Oct 15
Oct 16
Oct 17
Oct 18
Oct 19
Oct 20
Oct 21
Oct 22
Oct 23
Oct 24
Oct 25
Oct 26
Oct 27
Oct 28
Oct 29
Oct 30
Oct 31
NOVEMBER
Nov 1
Nov 2
Nov 3
Nov 4
Nov 5
Nov 6
Nov 7
Nov 8
Nov 9
Nov 10
Nov 11
Nov 12
Nov 13
Nov 14
Nov 15
Nov 16
Nov 17
Nov 18
Nov 19
Nov 20
Nov 21
Nov 22
Nov 23
Nov 24
Nov 25
Nov 26
Nov 27
Nov 28
Nov 29
Nov 30
DECEMBER
Dec 1
Dec 2
Dec 3
Dec 4
Dec 5
Dec 6
Dec 7
Dec 8
Dec 9
Dec 10
Dec 11
Dec 12
Dec 13
Dec 14
Dec 15
Dec 16
Dec 17
Dec 18
Dec 19
Dec 20
Dec 21
Dec 22
Dec 23
Dec 24
Dec 25
Dec 26
Dec 27
Dec 28
Dec 29
Dec 30
Dec 31
Notes
Bibliography
Index
January 1
“The Tao is a world unfolding according to its own laws. Nothing is done or forced; everything just comes about. To live in accord with the Tao is to understand non-doing and non-striving. Your life is already doing itself.
Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD (born 1944)
Have we become human doings who have forgotten how to be? Does a day of not doing and not striving sound un-recovery? In western culture, we are encouraged to make New Year’s resolutions, ostensibly to correct our flawed lives. Taoism suggests that we are worthy just the way we are. So is the world around us. How would our days, years or lives look if we felt 100% worthy already? Forget the resolution! Non-doing and non-striving sound like practices that should come naturally; “Don’t worry, be happy.” So, how have we become habitually self-critical? Some Twelve & Twelve members may always be striving to get good enough, yet never be satisfied.
Each day this year, we will look to wisdom, humor and contradiction to propel the Good Ship Recovery. We don’t strive to create the energy in our world; we work with it. This year, we examine and reexamine what we think we know. We start by questioning whether or not we are flawed, and if flawed, whether or not we need to be fixed. Are we navigating through life consciously, sailing along on the energy that presents itself, or are we struggling against the elements?
We don’t need to conform to embrace the fellowship’s Tradition of unity. Each of us is as unique as our own thumbprint. Non-doing and non-striving are symbiotic with a program of action. Being still allows for a wider vantage point than the tunnel vision of full-speed-ahead.
Non-doing and non-striving are not exactly Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition clichés. Am I set in my ways or open to new ways of seeing?
January 2
“Every form of Addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.”
Carl Jung (1875–1961)
Why is everything we love so damned addictive? Food, work, spending, sex, and even being right—all of these things are the rewards of good living. A sense of mastery at work or play adds to a sense of well-being unless we take ourselves too seriously. Intimacy fulfills us when we aren’t plagued by codependency. Solitude is rewarding when we aren’t isolating. Healthy recovery involves maintaining what is good in life without going overboard.
“More is better” is the addict's refrain. As kids, did we balk at the steady-as-she-goes tortoise winning the race with the rabbit? We emulated the rabbit, not the tortoise, and our lives were an attempt to re-write the ending. Jung’s “narcotic” is not to blame for our plight. Addiction is our Responsibility. Some of us stop one dependency only to discover a new Addiction that will fill the emotional void. Maybe a gambler manages boredom with drink, or an alcoholic becomes a workaholic or exercises beyond what is healthy or recreational. Many Addictions began as innocent distractions.
Consider this addicts’ metaphor about managing multiple compulsions: We have four cans of stinky garbage and only three lids. No matter how quickly we cover the exposed can, another lid has to be borrowed to cover the freshly exposed stink. Keeping a lid on Addiction by putting a lid on it seems futile. Awareness is no cure for the smell. At some point we have to dispose of the garbage.
Jung also said, “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” Addiction came from indulgence, from taking in what we found out there. There was not enough out there to fill the void in here. If our solution is something new, found out there, it won’t fill the void either—it’s just a better dream. The solution, when found inside, when we internalize our recovery, can finally fill the void. We awaken to clean living and we make it our own.
Am I predisposed to Addiction? Can I distinguish between my habits/indulgences and deadly obsessions? Is my recovery a dream or am I awake?
January 3
“All Change is not growth; as all movement is not forward.”
Ellen Glasgow (1873–1945)
In what author James Howard Kunstler calls “symptoms of impaired consensus,” something for nothing delusions and faith that wishing upon a star can make it so lead to what Kunstler calls “toxic psychology.” He argues, “It was exactly this magical thinking that came to infect the realm of capital finance and has so far come close to destroying it . . . . After a while I began to understand what lay behind the plea for ‘solutions.’ They were clamoring desperately for rescue remedies that would allow them to continue living exactly the way they were used to living, with all the accustomed comforts.” Kunstler uses the example of the Aspen Environment Forum, where great thinkers bandied about ideas such as alternative fuels for cars that could postpone the inevitable demise of the current system.8 No one brought up the idea of ending our dependence on automobile transportation. No one talked about more mass transit, more efficient communities where people could walk to what they needed. Forum chatter stalled at bandage remedies (small Change) and fell short of the innovation and sacrifice needed to make real progress.
Rocking chairs create motion—but where do they get us? How often have we heard (if not said ourselves), “I need a new sponsor, job or daily reflection book,” with the idea that Change is growth. Action, such as reading or going to Meetings, isn’t necessarily progress. We may learn something new and maybe even develop a new vocabulary. Is this growth? Only if we apply the new information and commit it to better living will Change morph into growth.
Do I know in my heart and my head that I need determination and a Change in behavior in order to convert temporary enthusiasm into real growth?
January 4
“You will never wake up sober and wish you had a drink last night.”
Heard around the rooms
This might be heard in a Step One meeting in AA but it could be applied to acting out in any process or substance addiction or codependent relationship. When we are new or struggling, craving preoccupies us like hunger would the starving. An early AA slogan, “Think, think, think,” is brain medicine. Let’s face it—what kind of addicts would we be if our minds weren’t Petri dishes for impulsive thoughts? Thinking these thoughts through to their most likely outcomes can go a long way toward disarming opportunistic impulses. Craving? Keep thinking. Another fond saying around the rooms is, “My brain would kill me if it didn’t need the transportation.” Who can relate?
Automatic thinking can highjack our conscious mind with a rash idea. Maybe it’s a good idea. Even if it is, we are not committed to it. Being mindful instead of compulsive, we don’t stop looking for ideas just because we found one. After all, if we just came across one good idea, maybe we have stumbled upon a goldmine of good ideas, so why wouldn’t we keep digging? An idea is only a bad idea when it’s our only idea.
How protected am I today from craving or other cunning, impulsive thoughts? Can “Think, think, think” remind me not to get married to my first idea even if it’s a good one? When I have “What’s the use?” thoughts, can “Think, think, think” save me from impulsivity? Has impulsivity recently led to regret?
January 5
“It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.”
Epictetus (AD 55–AD 135)
“Keep an open mind” is easier to say while pointing an index finger at another. It’s quite a different matter when we consider the three fingers pointed back at us. Epictetus spoke the truth nearly two thousand years ago and it’s true today. To give what we know Perspective, let us consider four quadrants of knowledge:
| Box I: What we know we know |
Box II: What we know we do not know |
| Box III: What we do not know we do not know | Box IV: What we do not know we know |
Box I gives us a sense of mastery: “I know my shit.” Box II keeps us humble: “I need to learn that.” Box III, as this quote suggests, addresses our Blind spots: “What could possibly go wrong?” Box IV is our unconscious wisdom, sometimes revealing itself to us at the most opportune times: “I didn’t know I had it in me.”
Research suggests that an addict’s mind produces compromised neurotransmissions that further frustrate our cognitive capacities. What we call a wet brain or fried brain is a brain that has been damaged. We are aware of some of this damage, and some evades us. Meditating and applying “Think, think, think” before we jump to conclusions or open our mouths are tools that assist us in recovery. Counting to ten before saying or doing something impulsive can help mitigate the damage caused by being a few cards shy of a full deck. Asking ourselves, “What else could this mean?” can help highlight the difference between being certain and being right.
How can I change my thinking and vocabulary to be less handicapped by my own ignorance, Blind spots or overconfidence?
January 6
“Experiencing the pain of my life gave me back my vitality; first pain, then vitality. The price of repressing feelings is depression. I also had to resist the usual way of learning. If you are forced to do something, you cannot have fun. But for me, having fun is the first condition for creativity.”
Alice Miller (1923–2010)
What a concept: recover from addiction and have fun, not apart from, but as part of the process—not an arduous process but the creative process. The Twelve Steps can seem so solemn at times but recovery is an adventure. Alice Miller is sharing from one of her thirteen books, The Drama of the Gifted Child, about dealing with her own unmet childhood needs.9
If we were our own coaches preparing ourselves for the Olympics we would encourage and celebrate progress. We would think up stimulating, entertaining activities to keep us sharp and motivated. Being able to prevent drudgery from seeping in over the long haul would be a competitive advantage. For Olympic success we also have to be brutally realistic. We don’t deny the new pain that life brings, nor do we leave old pain buried. In recovery we face unresolved life dramas like an athlete reviews the flaws and kinks of their performance. We all have imperfections. Masking defects or denying them do not, an Olympic performance, make.
Vitality flows to the surface after experiencing and purging the pain. Like stretching and strengthening our muscles, discomfort is never indefinite Suffering; it waxes and it wanes. Unused muscles hurt more than those in use all the time. Repressed pain hurts more than feelings we deal with as they come up. Our confronted hurt no longer haunts us; our psychic circulation flows and vitality is restored. Recovery, like exercise, need not be dull or repetitive. Just as rest is part of a training regimen, there is time for fun and laughter in our recovery routines. Fun helps us strengthen and heal.
What can I do today to make my recovery fun and creative?
January 7
“Myths can sometimes express philosophical ideas that more exact language can never get across. Mythological language is infinitely suggestive.”
Alan Watts (1915–1973)
Poets, songwriters, filmmakers, painters and pop stars use mythological archetypes like good (God) vs. Evil (Devil). Egyptian, Greek, Norse, Eastern and Aboriginal parables are full of great stories. Artistic interpretations of these stories neither mock nor advocate religion. Mythology, religion and cultural customs anecdotally tell and preserve our narratives.
Those of us with theistic or religious convictions are well served by keeping Twelve Step discussion about Higher Powers at an anecdotal level. Atheists can stand up for what they believe in without being evangelical, too. Differing experiences need not be barrier-building. Who can take issue with us if we maintain humble ambivalence toward our dearest beliefs? If we want our Communication to be inoffensive, we avoid absolute or rigid language. An atheist that zealously reacts to a religious parable by offering “proof” of the non-existence of an omnipotent being misses the life lesson of the story. Conversely, the religious zealot who discounts the spiritual contribution of the nonbeliever is suffering the same hardening of the attitudes that builds unnecessary barriers. There is a time for intellectual stubbornness and a time to rise above it. Do we look for fault like there’s a reward for it? Who made us the Truth police?
Art can answer questions that academia cannot and vice versa. We can be grounded in reality and have active imaginations; one isn’t superior to the other. Contempt makes our world smaller. Tolerance is a good start, but we strive for appreciation of others. A childlike curiosity about Art, Philosophy, religion or history opens our minds. I don’t need to believe in Cain and Abel or Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to let their stories tell me more about myself and my world.
Can I find value in science, faith and Mythology as guideposts to a rich and full life?
January 8
“Moral cowardice that keeps us from speaking our minds is as dangerous to this country as irresponsible talk. The right way is not always the popular and easy way. Standing for right when it is unpopular is a true test of moral character.”
Margaret Chase Smith (1897–1995)
What this Joseph McCarthy-era senator had to say about moral dangers to the USA could be applied to our fellowship as well. Speaking without thinking is detrimental; so is staying silent out of cowardice when an unpopular opinion may need our support. Bill Wilson’s Concept V crafted the traditional “Right of Appeal” for just this reason. Wilson writes, “The well-heard minority, therefore, is our chief protection against an uninformed, misinformed, hasty or angry majority.”10 A minority opinion can be right. We can’t stay silent when witnessing discrimination or harassment. Minority rights are inherent—they don’t need to be granted by the majority; they must be respected.
Senator Smith made it clear that a fair and democratic society required pluralism and not binary thinking. In her democracy, everyone had rights: the right to criticize, the right to hold unpopular beliefs, the right to protest and the right to independent thought. Margaret Smith spoke up against McCarthy, a member of her own political party. McCarthy’s position was that the democratic world could not make peace with communism, and that the eradication of communism was necessary for a free and democratic world. Communist thought or skepticism of the American establishment was intolerable and un-American in McCarthy’s view. Smith’s leadership would lead to the censure of Joseph McCarthy, whose career would fold before his alcoholism unraveled, eventually ending his life in 1957.
When others anger and say, “special interest groups can’t highjack the agenda,” will I speak up and say, “While that is true, even the most unpopular position deserves our thoughtful consideration”?
January 9
“Sometimes we find ourselves becoming involved in the lives of others as a way of avoiding fulfilling our own Potential and vision. This saps us of the energy that we need to be ‘spending’ on our dream—and then we wonder why we feel aimless and annoyed.”
Visions, Debtors Anonymous
Here are some great balancing acts: a life of service to others that includes personal commitments, connecting with community without losing our personal identities, finding partnership without Codependency, mothering without smothering our children. Demonstrating Gratitude to be in the service of others is good. Martyrdom is either overextending ourselves or narcissistic.
How do we keep balance in our relationships? First we remember the motto, “progress, rather than perfection.” A Step Ten exercise involving checking in with ourselves or others can help keep us on target like a sailor who constantly adjusts sails and measures his or her heading. Feelings are like a barometer to help us gauge how we’re doing in service or in managing confrontations. How did we feel about it afterward? The “aimless and annoyed” feeling mentioned above can be our compass. If we feel good, we’re on track. If we are frustrated, let’s take inventory.
Transactional Analysis uses a Dramatic Triangle comprised of three roles: Perpetrator, Victim and Rescuer.11 The Rescuer secretly wants recognition for heroism or encourages constant dependency from the Victims he or she helps. There is no true satisfaction in living a role or label; it’s inauthentic. Uncomfortable feelings signal that our motivations are off-base. The idea that we cripple our children by making life easy for them reminds us that, in service, we do not do for others what they can clearly do themselves. To paraphrase a parable: we teach others to fish; we don’t catch and cook every fish they will ever need.
I realize I don’t do relationships perfectly. Today, how are my boundaries with others?
January 10
“The inherent instability of the human organism makes it imperative that man himself provide a stable environment for his conduct. Man himself must specialize and direct his drives. These biological facts serve as a necessary presupposition for the production of social order.”
The Social Construction of Reality by
Peter Berger & Thomas Luckmann
“Our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon A.A. Unity.”12 Rules that unify a society are fabricated—not natural law. Adherence to agreed upon rules legitimizes a society’s subjective reality. Our Traditions are not rules per se; they are our manifesto. The interdependence of Unity and recovery is not a scientific fact; it is our creed. The principle of Unity is the premise of our Traditions. Maybe we could walk away from the fellowship and never fall prey to addiction again. But wouldn’t we want to know the Meetings were here if we needed them or someone else did?
Unity is not uniformity. Some members go to a lot of Meetings; one a day might not be enough at times. For others, attending two Meetings per week shows a lack of imagination. We each find our rhythm by trial and error. We don’t have to like or be like everyone else to respect our common welfare. We get our say in Meetings, but we don’t always get our way. Our fellowship doesn’t police or expel members for noncompliance. With no rules to enforce, we may appear to be a society of anarchists. Bill Wilson took some heat from friends in medicine and academia for encouraging a lawless society. It was seen as irresponsible. Left to our own devices isn’t man selfish? “Homo-empathicus,” a Jeremy Rifkin term coined in his contrarian book, The Empathic Civilization, suggests that we are naturally empathetic and social.13 Tradition One suggests that we are all in this together—all for one and one for all.
Do I speak of Unity, and then get impatient when others criticize or express their opinions? Unity makes room for even the most unpopular opinions. Do I balance the needs of the many along with my needs?
January 11
“This is how Change happens, though. It is a relay race, and we're very conscious of that, that our job really is to do our part of the race, and then we pass it on, and then someone picks it up, and it keeps going. And that is how it is. And we can do this, as a planet, with the consciousness that we may not get it, you know, today, but there's always a tomorrow.”
Alice Walker (born 1944)
Alcoholics Anonymous was borne of many ideas and experiences already in play. Seeing addiction as a medical condition and not moral depravity was a huge step forward. Prior to that, we addicts could be despised or pitied and society could be quite detached from our eventual demise. Once labeled a medical condition, people thought twice about writing us off. Alcoholics and addicts had a self-image adjustment to make too, accepting that they were morally no worse than any medical patient. Addiction and treatment are a continuum and one day we may forgo the medical diagnosis of addiction for some greater understanding. Many would resist embracing such a revolutionary idea. Let’s neither rashly adopt any new promise of a solution to an age-old problem, nor be dogmatically resistant to Change for the better. Remember that it was once commonly accepted that addiction was the Devil’s work.