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Note: Bible quotations are from the New International Version, unless otherwise noted.

Introduction: Joining the Journey

Wherever you are, be all there.

Jim Elliot

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor His delight in the legs of a man; the LORD delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love.

Psalm 147:10-11 NIV

Initially when I began transferring my notes onto computer with the idea of using them for the encouragement of others, I felt like a hypocrite. I have written as I have been inspired through my quest to become a better life manager for God’s glory. I knew if I waited until the goal was attained, I would never be able to accurately communicate the glorious transformation that occurred and continues to occur in my life. Most importantly I didn’t want anyone to see the transformation as an easy one. Rather a real one, one that was fraught with discouragements and hard choices. My hope is to encourage you.

Furthermore I hope as I share my story and Biblical truths God gave to me along my own path that it will help shed light on yours. Christian author John Eldredge, says it best in his book Epic: The Story God is Telling and the Role That is Yours to Play:

It goes far deeper than entertainment …. Stories nourish us. They provide a kind of food that the soul craves. “Stories are equipment for living,” says Hollywood screenwriting teacher Robert McKee. He believes that we go to the movies because we hope to find in someone else’s story something that will help us understand our own. We go “to live in a fictional reality that illuminates our daily reality.”*

When evangelist and Christian author Beth Moore reveals the pits of despair from her past, my hope is renewed in Christ. If He did that in her and through her then there is hope for me. He can work more miracles in my life too, I thought as I listened to her teach. Sometimes just hearing someone else’s story is all I need for my sullen heart to be stirred into the belief that the good work God began in me is far from over. In this book, I have laced personal testimony, practical Bible application, as well as strategies that worked for me. My hope for you isn’t to follow a step-by-step program, but to follow Christ and develop a greater dependence upon Him.

I must make mention of my husband, who kindly admonished me in the beginning stages of writing this book. You as the reader need to know I had a track record for continually reading self-help books and placing my dependence upon the author who wrote them. His concern was that I’d be leading you down the same dismal path. Throughout this book I won’t quit reminding you to place your dependence upon Christ and on the cross where His blood was shed for us.

Each chapter or lesson you read has an assignment. Even if you cannot complete the exercises, at the very least, read the scripture from your Bible. In 1 John 2:27 we’re told, “As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.” By reading the scripture, you’ll ensure that you’ll be learning from and placing your situation in the hands of the One who created you.

As you embark on this journey, I ask you to pack a notebook and a Bible. Even if the most writing you prefer to do in a given day is scribbling your signature on dotted and solid black lines, you’ll find journaling is well worth the effort. When dismal days interrupt your progress, looking back on the pages will serve as both a reminder and motivator of the transformation occurring in your life. You can go as slowly or as quickly as you prefer through this book. At my lowest points, when I would begin reading another book (that I was convinced would rid me of some of my struggles), usually by the first five pages I was already overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed by how much I needed to remember and how much change my life needed.

Now I know it is Christ who enables us to change, and when change is made it’s usually made in steps, little ones at that. By reading small chunks at a time your heart and mind can digest the information without having information indigestion.

Lord, you are the Maker of the Heavens and the Earth. You already know our plight. What’s more this “plight” we are in, you already have in mind to repurpose it into something good for your glory, if only we will surrender to you. Every day, please show us what needs surrendering and then help us to stand firm in what we believe you are asking. Give us each a desire to hear from you daily in your Word that we may know you more and understand how we can become more like your son Jesus. Amen.

* See Sources, starting on p. 105, for sources of quotations and other references.

What Happened?

We must accept finite disappointments, but we must never lose infinite hope.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

But as for me, my feet had almost slipped, I had nearly lost my foothold.

Psalm 73:2

The beauty of childhood is in the ability to dream of what can someday be. Many times, not only for children, it is our dreams that keep us going. For me, my dreams of having a family, of being a wife and mother, really didn’t seem too lofty of a goal. However, I didn’t take into account that my ideas were really one-dimensional. In my house, nothing disrupted my schedule: the babies followed a schedule, the meals were always delicious, and the toys were always picked up.

Years later I found myself a wife and a mother of three: a little girl, Grace, and twins (a boy and girl) Royce and Kate. My dream of what my life was to look like was nothing of the sort. And the reality was nothing at all like my dream. Each night I wished the night to not end, so the morning wouldn’t begin. Often I would stay up late in the night, attempting to somehow make some semblance of order of the life that seemed to unravel each day.

After each failed attempt, I found myself in a deeper chasm of darkness. Why couldn’t I have the home I pictured? Why couldn’t I get all the things done on the checklist I had made? Why? I asked these questions through my tears. Why in the world would God be keeping me on this earth to fail?

In God’s goodness, I finally reached the end of every possible solution I could see. I reached the end of my finite self. It wasn’t until I found myself in a crumpled heap that finally I saw God as my only hope. My years of repeating the mantra, “Fake it ’til you make it,” no longer worked. I didn’t want to pretend any longer, I wanted an answer, not from an “expert” but from a God I knew loved me. I had nothing to lose by giving it all back to Him.

Journaling Jots:

2. We all pretend at times. Sometimes pretending is necessary, but days that are filled with pretending aren’t what God intended. What are you trying to hide with your pretending?

How Did I Get Here?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher

Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High.

Psalm 107:10-11

It wasn’t as though I woke up one morning to find myself locked in a prison cell. The cell I was in, I had built one bar at a time, fashioning it much the way a bird would her nest, one twig at a time. As far as I could see, my bars were harmless: each one in place as a way of protecting me from further pain. I stood behind bars smiling, only letting people see me through them. My identity had become about what each bar represented.

My bars were numerous and to me not one resembled another. Strange isn’t it? I was completely convinced I was being kept safe by the very things that kept me bound. I was fully certain my worth was only in what I could do. I loathed my appearance and figured if I was capable and resourceful people would appreciate me and maybe even like me. It was a dismal existence. I resented the feeling of being used by people who recognized my abilities while simultaneously feeling exhilarated by being needed. What’s more, it seemed as though I gravitated toward relationships where I was demeaned yet needed only to find myself confirming everything I believed was true.

I padded my cell with things, things that could meet every need at any time, with only one exception, the need of peace. People really couldn’t complain, as often my bars worked to their advantage. My saving had been done with not just good intentions but righteous ones in my estimation. For example, I saved anything and everything that came across the threshold of our abode that I figured could be used for Vacation Bible School Story Hour, a creative project that would show my ingenuity. The bottom line: I wanted to be ready for any theme at any time. The exception was my husband. When he came home each night he had to step into the cell with me. Helplessly as he looked on, he’d sometimes try to help remove the bars, only to find they were firmly cemented in place. The cell offered no comfort, except the comfort of the familiar.

I had forgotten the admonition of I Corinthians 2:5 for my faith to rest on God’s power. In my wisdom, I needed each item I owned. In my own wisdom I was convinced that every item on my lists had to be done and was sure to glorify God. In my own wisdom I was losing more ground than I was gaining.

I blamed my excessive saving on genetics, I blamed my saving on my profession as an elementary school teacher, I blamed saving on my children — there was so much memorabilia to keep. I reasoned my saving was for God’s glory; after all I wanted to have everything at a moment’s notice.

When I had exhausted my blame reservoir, like the Psalmist in Psalm 107, I found myself in deepest gloom, crying out to the Lord in my trouble. More than just saving me from distress, He saved me from myself.

Journaling Jots:

3. Do you have bars that are as strong as bronze or iron that need to be broken?

Ready, Get Set, Die

Being sorrowful in the emotions without a godly sorrow in the will destroys the confession.

Richard J. Foster,
theologian and Christian author

And anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.

Matthew 10:38

Contents

Introduction: Joining the Journey

What Happened?

Journaling Jots:

How Did I Get Here?

Journaling Jots:

Ready, Get Set, Die