The shock of finding out that you are going to be a father has worn off. Now the realization of what is ahead has hit you. It may seem daunting to realize what you will have to do over the next three months, but it can be easy to prepare yourself for the changes ahead.
Throughout the first three months, you will take steps that will be very important down the road, including choosing a doctor, changing your diet, and watching for the signs of a miscarriage. Aspects like the first doctor’s appointment, ultrasound, and coping with morning sickness are also all vital factors in preparing for being a father.
As the father of the baby, you have a special task ahead of you. While your significant other is carrying the baby, you are helping her out to make things easier for her. This is going to be a long nine months for her, but you can make it easier, and it all begins in the first trimester.
Understanding Trimesters
First things first: We will address the trimesters. Pregnancy is broken into three trimesters, and the length of each trimester equates to roughly three months.
In the first trimester, morning sickness will occur for about two-thirds of all women and will slowly fade away by the end of those first three months. Within the first trimester, the nipples and areolas of the mother-to-be will darken. This is caused by an increase in hormones. Also, miscarriages are most likely to occur during this trimester.
The second trimester consists of the fourth to sixth months. During this period of time, the mother will feel energized and will begin putting on weight due to the growth of the fetus, as well as the increase in size of the uterus. During the second trimester, movement by the fetus can also be felt. This will usually happen in the fourth month, but most women will not feel movement of the fetus until later on in the pregnancy. During this stage, it is also possible to determine the sex of the baby.
The third trimester consists of the last three months of the pregnancy. During this trimester, the mother will have the most weight gain because the fetus is growing by as much as 28 grams per day. The belly of the mother will also drop from its upright position in the second trimester because the fetus is turning in preparation for the birth. The mother can also feel the movements of the fetus at this point, and the navel can sometimes pop out due to the expansion of her belly. During this trimester, the fetus has the best chance of survival if it is born prematurely.
Choosing a Doctor
One significant task that needs to be taken care of early on is choosing a doctor, or OB/GYN, which is a doctor of obstetrics and gynecology. This can be a difficult task because there are several choices and options to consider. The mother may want a female doctor, or you may want a veteran doctor who has been delivering babies for decades. In contrast, the two of you may want a young doctor who makes use of new technology rather than older methods.
In addition, you may choose a doctor who only tells you what you need to know, while another doctor may do everything that they can to make the two of you feel comfortable throughout the pregnancy. You can try to choose a doctor on the recommendation of your friends, or you can also choose your own family doctor if you are comfortable with that person. Most importantly, you should ensure that the mother is not only comfortable with the doctor, but that she likes him or her, as well.
When you are choosing a doctor, talk to him or her about how he or she feels about various pregnancy and birth concepts. These include opinions on:
• Pain relief
• Birthing positions
• The father’s role
• Intervention
Insurance is also going to be an issue you should address, and you should find out the charges for any procedures that are not covered by your insurance, lest you get a bill later on that is much larger than you had anticipated for the birth.
When you and the mother have chosen a doctor, the first visit will consist of the doctor researching both of your medical histories, information about the two of you, and administrating some basic tests. This is an important visit because you want to be impressed by the doctor. You want to have trust in the doctor and know that he or she will be ready when the time comes.
Over the next three months, you will visit the doctor several times, during which you will be able to hear the heartbeat for the first time, as well as let the doctor know of any ailments, symptoms, or problems associated with the first trimester.
Coping With Morning Sickness
One of the biggest myths with pregnancy is that every woman gets morning sickness, and that it lasts the entire pregnancy. The truth is that morning sickness typically only lasts for the first three months, and only about 70 percent of women get it.
For many men, this is the early warning system for pregnancy. When your partner starts to feel sick in the morning and is beating you to the bathroom to throw up, then there may be some big news coming your way very soon. The name itself is a misnomer; “morning sickness” can strike in the morning, afternoon, or the evening.
You may think it is logical to assume that if your partner is throwing up, then she is sick — and if she is sick, then the baby may be sick. Do not worry: The baby is not sick at all, and the morning sickness will disappear around the 17th week of pregnancy.
Doctors have found many causes for morning sickness in women. These causes include:
• An increase in estrogen, which can increase by as much as 100-fold during a pregnancy
• Low blood sugar levels
• The relaxation of muscles in the uterus to prevent early childbirth can cause the relaxation of the stomach and intestines as well, which leads to excess stomach acids
• An increase in the sensitivity to odors
• An increase in bowel movements
• The effort of the body to detoxify so that the health of the fetus can be improved. During the start of a pregnancy, the liver and kidneys will increase their activity, which lends evidence to this theory
There are many tips and tricks that have floated around for hundreds of years on how to deal with morning sickness, but one method that seems to work is eating crackers before getting out of bed. That being said, it does not work for everyone — but it cannot hurt to try. Other remedies that are reported to work include:
• Eating freshly cut lemons
• Keeping the mother from having an empty stomach. A good tip is to have her eat five or six small meals per day, rather than just three large meals
• Eating cabbage
• Eating bananas, rice, toast, and tea
• Drinking water or other liquids 30 to 45 minutes after eating a meal
Changing Feelings
During the first trimester of the pregnancy, you will begin to notice that the mother may begin having changing feelings. In addition, you may also notice that you have changed feelings as well. Many fathers are thrilled and excited when they learn they are going to be a father. Many experience many emotions at once, and while excitement is there, so too is fear.
With the topic of fatherhood suddenly popping up in your head, it is normal to suddenly be afraid. You are venturing into unknown territory. You likely do not know that much about babies and now you are going to be a father to one, who will depend on you completely for the first few years of life.
You should not feel guilty for being afraid of the impending changes in your life. In fact, you should talk with the mother-to-be and discuss your fears and concerns, as well as your ideas and expectations of what will be coming for both of you. You are a team, and it is important you work as a team. Do not feel guilty; be happy and afraid because that is normal for any man who just found out that they are going to be a father.
To help you understand what kind of feelings will be going through you and your partner during the first three months, here is an easy-to-understand guide:
• First Month
> Mother
• She will be thrilled but slightly frightened at the prospect of being pregnant.
• She will feel closer to you.
• She will be slightly apprehensive about the coming pregnancy.
• There will be some crying and mood swings.
> You
• You will be thrilled but also slightly afraid as well.
• If you were worried about being sterile, you will feel relief.
• You will have some irrational fears. Surprisingly, one of the most common fears is the fear of not being the baby’s father. A study by Jerrold Lee Shapiro, professor of counseling psychology at Santa Clara University, found that of 200 soon-to-be fathers, 60 percent interviewed expressed this fear. This comes from men’s insecurity that they are incapable of creating a life.
• Second Month
> Mother
• She will continue to be excited about the pregnancy.
• She will have trouble keeping her mind on tasks, especially at work.
• She may feel fear that you will not find her as attractive anymore.
• She will experience more mood swings.
• She may also be afraid of an early miscarriage.
> You
• You will be trying to connect with your partner and her pregnancy.
• You will be trying to grasp the concept that your partner is pregnant.
• You will be jumping between excitement and fear.
• You may find your sex drive is also changing, as are your feelings about sex. Sex may be more passionate than before, but it may also diminish because you have a fear of hurting the baby. As will be mentioned later on, there is absolutely no risk of hurting the baby.
• Third Month
>Mother
• Hearing the baby’s heartbeat will give your partner a sudden realization of what is happening with the pregnancy and the fact that something is growing inside her.
• She may feel frustrated about her expanding waistline. She may also be excited about it.
• She will begin to focus more on what is growing inside of her than what is going on outside.
• She will begin to bond with the unborn baby.
> You
• You will feel that the pregnancy is actually happening and that there is a heightened sense of reality to the whole situation.
• You may feel left out as your partner starts focusing more on the baby inside of her than on you.
• In some cases, you will feel jealousy. This is normal because your partner will be getting more attention from those around you than you will be. They will be talking to her more about the baby and ignoring you more. In many ways, it is like being the first born when a new baby comes into the household. Do not feel guilty about this; it is all part of being a new father.
The First Ultrasound
The ultrasound scan is an important milestone in the first trimester. It is when you get your first glimpse at the small bundle of joy that is going to change your life forever — and for the better.
The ultrasound itself is a sound pressure machine that emits a frequency greater than what humans can hear. The production of the ultrasound penetrates through the skin, where it measures the reflection of what is inside the body. It can reveal details about the womb, which come through as pictures of the fetus through its developing stages.
In no way whatsoever does the ultrasound harm the mother or the baby. In fact, it is a beneficial thing to do because it allows you to see how the baby is developing and to see if there are any problems with the development of the fetus.
The test can be performed at any point past the fifth week of pregnancy. For the doctors and other experts looking at the ultrasound, they can see a great amount of detail, including the sex of the baby during the second trimester, its fingers, toes, and more. For the rest of us, we usually see a jumble of grainy images that may or may not look like something human. The reasons for an ultrasound will vary depending on the trimester that your partner is in.
In the first trimester, the ultrasound is performed to see the number of fetuses in the womb. Also, if there has been any bleeding or the doctor suspects that the pregnancy is taking place outside the uterus, the doctor will administer an ultrasound. In the second trimester, the ultrasound is used to determine the sex of the baby — if you want to know — and to get an accurate estimate on when the baby is going to be due. In the third trimester, the ultrasound is used to determine the position of the baby; to make sure that the placenta is doing what it is supposed to; and to make sure there is enough amniotic fluid to support the baby.
When you and your partner go for your first ultrasound, you should make sure that your partner drinks a lot of water; typically, most doctors require the mother-to-be to drink 32 ounces prior, but the more water she drinks, the better the ultrasound is going to work.
Once you arrive in the room, a radiologist will put gel on your partner’s belly. Then, the radiologist will run the ultrasound probe along her belly while staring at the ultrasound screen to see what he or she can find. The doctor should be able to see a great deal on the ultrasound, depending on the trimester, and he or she will explain the visuals to you.
One neat aspect about the ultrasound is that when it is all said and done, the radiologist will often print a photo for you. This is essentially the first photo of your baby. It may be grainy and in black and white, but it is a precious memory that you can keep with you in the baby’s scrapbook for years to come.
Hearing the Heartbeat
During the first trimester, probably around the same time that your partner gets her first ultrasound, the doctor will begin looking for the heartbeat. The reason that drinking 32 ounces of water is required before an ultrasound is to inflate the bladder. A full bladder allows the area in the pelvis to be seen much better. If the bladder is empty, it is much harder to see the pelvic area, including the uterus. This is an important point in the pregnancy, especially for you and your partner. When you hear that first heartbeat coming from the abdomen of your partner, the realization that you are going to be a father may hit you full-force. Before this point, the thought of your partner being pregnant was abstract. Other than some mood swings and morning sickness, there was nothing to really trigger your mind into the realization that a new life was on the way. Now, with hearing the heartbeat, your mind can perceive the baby as something tangible and real. This is a major milestone, and for some fathers, it can be a difficult one to handle.
You should be hearing the heartbeat around the second or third month. At first, it will be hard to pick out and can only really be picked out by the ultrasound, but you will be able to hear it, and that moment of hearing the heartbeat can change you forever.
Miscarriage
One of the most difficult parts of the first trimester is the threat of a miscarriage. Although the mother can physically recover from it quite quickly, mentally, it can be a different story.
A miscarriage is the spontaneous end of a pregnancy at a stage during which the fetus cannot survive, typically less than 20 weeks after conception. As mentioned, a miscarriage typically happens in the first trimester. Studies have found that 75 percent of all miscarriages happen in the first trimester. In addition, it is estimated that one of five pregnancies end in a miscarriage and in most cases happen before the woman ever knows she is pregnant.
There have been several causes associated with miscarriages. For miscarriages that happen in the first 13 weeks, half of all of them are due to chromosomal abnormalities. One example of some abnormalities is Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome, which often results in mental retardation in the fetus and usually death soon after birth. In fact, any pregnancy with a genetic problem has a 95 percent chance of ending in a miscarriage. Low progesterone levels can also cause problems that lead to a miscarriage.
In the second trimester, 15 percent of all losses are due to a uterine malformation or cervical problems that can lead to a premature birth. Roughly 20 percent of all second trimester miscarriages are caused by a problem with the umbilical cord wrapping around the child’s neck or not providing enough nutrients or waste removal, while the rest are due to a problem with the placenta. An example of this is placenta accrete, which is when the placenta is too firmly attached to the uterine wall, making rupture or bleeding much more likely, and delivery impossible.
Symptoms of a miscarriage typically come in the form of bleeding. Any bleeding during pregnancy is often seen as a threatened abortion, which is the medical term for the possibility of a miscarriage. In this case, half of the women who go to the doctor for treatment for the bleeding go on to have a miscarriage. Miscarriages can be detected through an ultrasound, or through hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) testing. If your partner has a history of miscarriages, it is important to have the doctors monitor her closely and on a regular basis to see if there is a danger of miscarriage.
It is important to remember that a miscarriage does not mean you will never have a baby with your partner; roughly 90 percent of all couples who miscarry go on to have a healthy baby. According to various studies, miscarriages happen because the fetus is defective due to chromosomal abnormalities, or there is a genetic problem in the fetus.
After a miscarriage has happened, it is important to remember that you still have the chance to have a healthy baby in the future. It is understandable to be depressed at the loss of the baby. The psychological aspect of a miscarriage lasts longer than the physical, but it will pass, and you will be able to move on with your life.
If you worry about miscarriages, here are some tips to help you:
• You will have a baby again. Only one out of 200 women have had three or more miscarriages and never delivered a baby.
• Do not listen to others who tell you the horror of a miscarriage and how it affected their lives. People can be inconsiderate or even rude when discussing this type of situation, so do not necessarily listen to them.
• Do not tell anyone about the pregnancy until it has passed the first trimester, and then only tell the people who will offer you emotional support in case something bad were to happen with the pregnancy.
• Get an ultrasound and hear that first heartbeat. It will greatly help you squash the fears of a miscarriage when you hear your baby’s heartbeat.
• Support your partner through the miscarriage if it happens. She will need your help and your support, and it is important that you are there for her if a miscarriage happens.
Changing Your Diet
Do you enjoy a glass of wine with your partner in the evenings? Do your meals consist of whatever the local fast food joint has on special? Well, with the upcoming arrival of your new baby, your lifestyle is not the only thing that is going to change for the next nine months; your diet is going to change as well. Gone are the days of junk food, fast food, and raw fish or meat. Your partner needs a certain type of diet that will provide the baby with all the vital nutrients to aid growth in the womb. Because her diet is changing, that means your diet is going to be changing as well. Here is a quick guide to the food that should no longer be in the house for the next nine months:
• Raw Food: Any raw food such as sushi, rare steak, and hot dogs is not allowed. They can create some medical problems in the mother and fetus if the food has any sort of bacteria on it that would have been destroyed with cooking.
• Junk Food: Potato chips, doughnuts, candy, and any other type of junk foods are out as well. They are high in calories and can cause problems when you are trying to create a high-protein and high-calcium diet for your partner.
• Greasy Food: It is very easy for your partner to have her digestive balance disturbed by greasy foods. Pizza, french fries, and grilled cheese sandwiches are out as a result.
• Spicy Food: If you want to create a lot of morning sickness, then this is the way to do it. Stay away from Mexican food during the pregnancy.
• Smelly Food: Like spicy food, some strong-smelling foods create morning sickness. Stay away from certain cheeses, peanut butter, and soups like split pea.
You may want to begin eating organic during and after the pregnancy. The reason is that organic food, by law, has no pesticides on it. It is grown in a natural manner, and studies have found that organic food has more vital nutrients and minerals in it than food that is not organic. Fish is generally good for the body, but some fish carry mercury in them. Try to find organic fish from a local fish farm, rather than wild fish that may have mercury and other pollutants in them.
Alcohol is a total no-no for your partner. Countless studies have shown that excessive use of alcohol during a pregnancy can lead to certain birth defects with the baby, called Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. While you can still have alcohol, you should support your partner by not drinking as well. It can be slightly irritating when you want something to drink but are not able to — then, on top of that, watch someone else drink what you cannot.
Any caffeinated products also fall into the category of a no-no for your partner. Caffeine can cause problems in babies if too much of it is drunk. From October 1996 to October 1998, 1,063 women in San Francisco were studied to see how caffeine affected their pregnancy. The study looked at the first 20 weeks of the pregnancies. It found that women who consumed more than two cups of coffee or five cans of soft drinks a day had twice the likelihood of miscarriage than women who did not consume any caffeine. For those women who did not consume any caffeine, the miscarriage rate was 12.5 percent, while women who consumed caffeine had a miscarriage rate of 25.5 percent.
Conclusion
The first trimester of the pregnancy is one of change. From the first to the third month, you not only learn you are going to be a father, but you begin to see the baby for the first time on the ultrasound, you can hear its heartbeat, and you begin to have the realization that your life is going to change forever. You need to find a doctor and help your partner cope with her changing body, her morning sickness, and her new diet needs. In addition, you need to be aware and ready for miscarriage if it were to happen. This trimester is where everything starts, and it can seem rather daunting at first, but you should remember that you are beginning a journey that will bring you more joy than you could have ever thought possible.
In the next chapter, we will look at the second trimester.
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