reading

Praise for FINDING YOUR INNER TRUTH

“Each of us is profoundly unique and co-creative with reality. The specific events of our life are unpredictable. The miraculous capacity of the human heart and consciousness is to distill meaning, gather courage and gratitude in equal measure, and act with integrity no matter what happens. When we do that, our path is clear and we embrace the present as we create a future. Nicole shares her personal experiences of challenge and elevation and how that kindled an awakening. She asks us to ask our self what is true, unique, and real for our self. Then she gives tips and techniques to help us live that truth in each moment. A good way to live and love.”

— Gurucharan Singh Khalsa Ph.D., Author of The 21 Stages of
Meditation, Breathwalk, and The Mind (coauthored with Yogi
Bhajan) Director of Training - Kundalini Yoga Research Institute

“Finding Your Inner Truth is the story of a woman seeking peace and answers to life’s most difficult questions. When Nicole finds herself overcome by grief over the death of her dog, she begins a journey that would test anyone’s beliefs. Imagine Marley and Me and Eat, Pray, Love combined and you’ll understand the magic embodied in this very human, canine, and universal tale of soul-searching. Better yet, you’ll resonate with it, be as surprised as Nicole was by some of her mystical experiences—ranging from speaking to the dead to discovering a portal to other worlds in her home—and come away with a new awareness and understanding about the meaning of your life.”

— Tyler R. Tichelaar, Ph.D. and award-winning author of
Spirit of the North: A Paranormal Romance

“Get ready to stretch your sense of possibilities. This book is full of love for animals, divorce, career challenges, death, energy healing, veganism, world travel, relationships, starting over again and even a few paranormal surprises! It’s all here in this eye-opening book. If you are going through change and searching for answers this book will show you how to ‘be’ in your essence as you seek your inner truth. It will open and stretch your mind as to what is possible both in your life, and in the universe!”

— Patrick Snow, Professional Speaker, International Best-Selling
Author of Creating Your Own Destiny and The Affuent Entrepreneur

“Whether you are experiencing change, looking to redefine your familiar, or seeking answers on a spiritual path, this book takes you on an amazing journey of self-discovery and teaches you to stand in love no matter what life challenges come your way.”

— Jeffery Bow, Author of Stop Thinking, Start Believing

“We each step into our becoming and our truth in our unique ways. This book teaches that when we open our mind to the idea that anything is possible, we can grow as a person and step into our truth.”

— Lori chaffin, Author of Messages Straight From the Heart,
Publisher of Hawaii Wellness Directory and
Your Health Hawaii Magazine

“Nicole Gabriel’s book teaches you how to solve life’s challenges, regardless of how unexpected and surprising they may be. She reminds you, in gentle and effective ways, that the answers you seek are always within yourself. Buy this book if you want to experience an amazing journey of self-discovery that awakens your Soul and changes your life.”

— Jody Rose Helfand, Author of Transforming Yourself

“Nicole’s book Finding Your Inner Truth shares how you can easily unlock the answers that you have been searching for all along. She will take you on a journey that leads to self-awareness, self-empowerment, and self-discovery!”

— Brandy Lokelani Sinoto, Author of Stepping Into Your Greatness
and #1 Earner PURIUM Health Products

“Nicole will awaken new passions in you. You owe it to yourself to live more, love more, and struggle less. Start here right now!”

— Michael Fulmore, Author of Unleashing Your Ambition

“Finding Your Inner Truth teaches how to clean up YOU by letting go of what no longer serves your life. This makes room for clean living of the mind, body, and soul! Get ready to step into a whole new way of being with this must-read book and learn to turn the messier things in life into your blissful truth!”

— Carol Paul, Author of Team Clean

“This book is a must-read if you are looking for direction on your life’s path. Finding Your Inner Truth will open your eyes in many new ways you never imagined. It will have you crying, laughing, and feeling challenged to live within your truth, whatever that may be for you.”

— Randall Broad, Author of It’s An Extraordinary Life

“I loved learning how Nicole found peace through love, loss and self discovery. You too will benefit from this book!”

— Sue Mocker, Author of The Hope Factor

“Sometimes it takes a great shake up in our lives to live in our truth and to do on this planet what we were meant to do. If you’ve had a great change in your life, this book will walk you through how to start tackling it and ways to go about putting the pieces back together.”

— Al Foxx, Author of Achieving NO LIMITS—Embracing Change

“I could have used this book many times as I learned the hard way some of these very lessons Nicole shares with us here in her book. What a powerful reminder of the lessons we learn and the life challenges we face. Nicole captures how we can overcome with some practical, down-to-earth and realistic ways that each of us can use to address things we face and to come out on the other side happier, healthier, and stronger than ever before!”

— Aaron D. Murphy, Author of Aging in Place

“We often treat the truth like an elusive ideal and stumble through life in an effort to capture it. In Nicole Gabriel’s Finding Your Inner Truth we discover that the truth is not elusive. It has always existed within us. Through “The Great Initiation” we learn that all of our experiences, good and bad, lead us to become the living embodiment of our Inner Truth.”

— Luis Fuentes, Author of Life Lessons from the Lantern

“Finding Your Inner Truth is a refreshing read. With loving insight, you will be inspired to reclaim your life. I was reminded that our lives are made up of equal parts of sorrow and joy and that it is impossible to have one without the other. Wise, warm, and gentle Nicole Gabriel will teach all of us how to let go of what no longer serves us and to stand in love.”

— Bonnie Marie Richter, Author of
The Best Places to Kiss in the Northwest

“Life is an adventure. What Nicole experienced is never easy to share. Yet this book is a candid and transparent journey through Nicole’s extraordinary experiences. She has opened up her heart to share the challenges and joys of her spiritual adventure. Her story is an invitation to grow, learn, and enjoy the journey as you seek your own truth and purpose.”

— Jorge Colon, Author of Leveraging Social Capital

“We each have our own adventure and sometimes it looks nothing like we thought it would. Nicole’s story shows us that the key to navigating our adventure, no matter how many twists and turns it offers, is in remembering that Love is our true North.”

— Kim Ann Curtin, Author of Transforming Wall Street

“Finding Your Inner Truth is a life-changer. Nicole’s process helps reveal what you may already know, but didn’t actually believe. Learning to have the confidence and courage to trust provides a whole new way of living.”

— Teri Citterman, Author of From The CEOs’ Perspective

“In Finding Your Inner Truth, Nicole uses the challenges and triumphs of her personal experiences to assist readers through processing, defining, and creating the lives they want. With sensitivity she helps you sort out and make sense of your experiences, emotions, and dreams as you move through your journey.”

— Dana E. Morrison, Author of Transforming Your Life Now

“This book reminds us that no matter how challenging the events of our life are, we will always have ourselves and our connection with a force greater than us. It’s that connection that guides us to our inner truths.”

— Helen Yoon, Author of Daring to Change

“I met Nicole between two major moves that most people would find too daunting and watched her fight for the best treatment of a beloved pet while developing a product line for other animals. I am in awe of her and what she can accomplish. This is a person I want to take advice from to fully embrace life.”

— Sandra Hixson-Matthews, Author of Kiss Your Food

“If you are feeling overwhelmed by life’s challenges, Nicole’s book will take you by the hand and help you navigate the road. Finding Your Inner Truth reminds us that we are not alone, and illuminates a deeper purpose behind our journey.”

— Suzan H. Proia, C. HT Personal Excellence Specialist,
EFT Practitioner, Certified Hypnotherapist

“Profound life changes are an opportunity to learn to live from your heart and trust your inner guide. Nicole’s nurturing grace and healing words helped me to overcome tragic loss and channel my energy in a positive, healthy direction. I went from barely existing to THRIVING in every aspect of my life—love, health, business, and more! Let Nicole open your heart to your infinite possibilities for true happiness!”

— Camille Leinbach, Owner / Holistic Skin Care Therapist
Autumn Moon Aesthetics

“Finding Your Inner Truth is full of fascinating stories and transformative life changing experiences that will have you both amazed and comforted. As you walk through Nicole’s experiences you understand the gifts of a greater source and how healing from trauma can take you into a place of mastery and magnificence. This book is a must read for all seekers of inner truth!”

— Nora Yolles-Young, C.Ht., Author of Healing Effortlessly

“What is fascinating to observe is how Nicole was true to the natural experiences of her astrological and numerological cycles. Even when life presents us with challenges (as we understand our personal timing) it is quite eye-opening how we can affirm when profound transformation finds us. It’s amazing what she got through. This book is a must read if you too are going through a big shift as you seek your TRUTH, no matter how much it may even hurt.”

— Sharita Star, Author of It’s All in the Name

“Nicole’s adventures take us beyond this dimension and into soft sweet places I know exist where answers can be found that extend beyond time and space. This is quite a journey into truth!”

— Ann Patrykus, Author of Akashic What?

“Sometimes the dance of life has us taking new steps or causes us to forget “moves” we already know. Take Nicole’s hand and let her gracefully lead you through an incredible journey as you reflect on your own life.”

— Lyla B. Berg, Ph.D., Author of
Leaving the Guilded Cage

“Sometimes in life you get knocked down and feel that the world is against you. It is during these challenging times that your faith in God will be tested. In Nicole’s book, she experienced such a test and her faith in God ultimately led her through her pain to a deeper connection to her truth. This book can do the same for you.”

— Frank Reed, Author of
In God We Trust Dollar$ & Sense

“When you are silent, open your heart and listen to the animals. You may hear their subtle wisdom and guidance as Nicole did. When Nicole found a way to communicate with her animals, she began a journey of spiritual awakening that led her to her inner truth. Let Nicole and her animals inspire and guide you on your personal path of discovery.”

— Wanda Buckner, EdD. Author of Choosing Energy Therapy:
A Practical Guide to Healing Options for People and Animals

“Throughout life we all go through challenges that may feel like insurmountable obstacles. This book will help you avoid the land mines of emotions when everything seems to turn upside down. When you read it you’ll get the feeling that Nicole is “just like you.” This is a book you’ll want to give as a gift to make a difference in someone’s life.”

— Kieran Murry, Author of Go For Your Gold, and
Co-Founder of Ignite-U

“All truth passes through three stages.

First, it is ridiculed.

Second, it is violently opposed.

Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”

— Arthur Schopenhauer, German philosopher

(1788 – 1860)

Finding Your Inner Truth

Discovering Peace When Everything Changes

Published by:

Aviva Publishing
Lake Placid, NY
(518) 523-1320
www.AvivaPubs.com

Nicole Gabriel
Telephone (808) 280-5559

email: Nicole@FindingYourInnerTruth.com

www.FindingYourInnerTruth.com
www.Vegan-DogTreats.com
www.AngelDogProductions.com

ISBN: 978-1-940984-18-6
Library of Congress: 2014933181

eISBN: 9781483527383

Editor: Tyler Tichelaar
Cover Design: Angel Dog Productions
Interior Book Design: Angel Dog Productions

Every attempt has been made to source properly all quotes.

Printed in the United States of America

First Edition

2 4 6 8 10 12

Dedication

To my fiancé Patrick Snow: Thank you for supporting me and encouraging me to write this book. You’re an awesome coach! (You can find him at www.ThePublishingDoctor.com if you want help writing your book too!) It has been a dream of mine to write this book and you made it come true. I look forward to all of our next steps together in Maui and in life! I love you!

To my parents: Chuck and Merilyn Case: You have always given me freedom to grow and no matter what interesting situation I found myself in you loved and supported me until I figured out a next step. There have been many hurdles and you keep loving me.... Thank you! I love you both!

To my students: Thank you for putting your trust in me and allowing the teachings to flow through, as I have learned more than you know.

To my friend, Jo Rayl for getting me through so much!

To all those I have lost: You have taught me so much in life and in death. In memory of my loving canine companions Shiitake, Tia, Mai Tai, and Sangria. I know you were more than just dogs!

To my Sushi: Thank you for lying by my feet while I wrote this book.

To my readers: Thank you for your support. It means the world to me and I hope you enjoy the book!

To Shar Pei owners everywhere: Thank you for your support, compassion for the breed, shared kind words, learnings, and teachings.

Most of all, this book is dedicated to my Shiitake, as you have become the wise teacher that has finally birthed this book from within me.

Acknowledgments

I would like to recognize and thank the following people for their support, encouragement, and belief in me. I would also like to thank all of those listed here who have helped me with either this book or in my life, as you have touched me more than you know.

Charlee Abrams, Greg Anderson, Sherlynn Black Atp, Kevin Bahula, Tom and Eileen Behnke, Scott Brown, Sylvia Brown, Andrea Cannon, Dolores Cannon, Charlie Case, Lauri Case, the Case Family, the Craton Family, Patrice Donnelly, Dana Duke, Susan Friedmann, Susan Hudson, Lisa Jennings, Aurelia Louise Jones, Ted Josalle, Krishna Kaur, Randall Kotrys, Livjot Kaur, Gurucharan Singh Khalsa, Wendy and Catherine LaCroix, Keith Lawhorn, Lauren Long, Camile Leinbach, Sarma Melngailis, Judith Moore, Ellen and Thane Ostroth, Jeff Papadelis, PeiPeople, Dale Prentiss, Jill Pursell, Jo Rayl, Lisa Ross, Red Lotus Yoga (Brian Granader and Lynn Baum), Shar Pei Savers, Shar Pei rescue groups across the world, Shawn, Isha Singh, Josh Siverson, Susan Smither, South Shore Veterinary Clinic and Dr. Dressler, Kelly Spradlin, Crystal Stalnaker-Mathis, Starbucks staff (Lake Orion and Lapeer, MI), Jeanette Ward-Taber, Hazel Thompson, Margriet Van Der Lelie, Heather Vincent, Valerie Weir, Wake and Kinlen Wheeler, Cheryl Woods, Greg Zallaps, Melissa Zeiman, and all the countless patients, clients and students at the Chiropractic Wellness Center of Metamora and The Maya Center.

I would like to thank the following for their beutiful music, as it helped me heal in so many ways: Snatam Kaur, Jai-Jegdeesh, Guru Ganesha Singh.

I would like to give a special thank you to my editor Tyler Tichelaar. Without his expertise and patience this book would not be what it is today.

SEEK

THE TRUTH

TRUST

IN GOD

BELIEVE

IN YOURSELF

LOVE

UNCONDITIONALLY

Contents

Introduction: Starting Over

Chapter 1: Identifying the Catalyst of Change

Chapter 2: Stepping Into Shamanism

Chapter 3: Healing Your Grief

Chapter 4: Going in Different Directions

Chapter 5: Embracing Newfound Gifts

Chapter 6: Letting Go of What No Longer Serves

Chapter 7: Knowing We Are Not Alone

Chapter 8: Seeking Answers on Your Spiritual Journey

Chapter 9: Gripping Reality

Chapter 10: Understanding Limitations with Psychology

Chapter 11: Surviving Divorce and Depression

Chapter 12: Learning to Stand in Love

Chapter 13: Observing the Dating Mirror

Chapter 14: Eating Food As Medicine

Chapter 15: Attracting Love

Chapter 16: Learning From Animals

Chapter 17: Evolving Through Change

Chapter 18: Leading From Within

A Final Note: Enjoying The Best Days of Your Life

Appendix A: Detox Kriya

Appendix B: Feeding Your Dog As A Vegan

About The Author

About Pet Grief Counseling

About Angel Dog Productions

About Vegan Dog Treats

About Shamanic Healing & Yoga Teaching

About Life, Nutrition & Wellness Coaching

Book Nicole Gabriel to Speak

SEEK. TRUST. BELIEVE. LOVE.

INTRODUCTION

STARTING

Over

“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the
end; if you look for comfort you will not get either
comfort or truth, only soft soap and wishful
thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”
— C. S. Lewis

You may be hurting inside but you do everything you can do to hide your pain. You are depressed (at times) but may write this off as the norm. Your relationships need work, but it seems like your partner is not a willing participant. You’ve been different your whole life but now are tired of trying to fit in. All of this has exhausted you but you are still searching for happiness, the real meaning of life and now perhaps your inner truth. You may even be struggling to calm your mind and heal your heart.

Somehow you picked up a copy of this book and are searching for answers. You may be tired of the challenges of day-to-day life, at the end of your rope and looking for solutions for your pain. Your timing couldn’t be better because this is where our experiences and stories intersect. It is my hope that, as a result of the many years of my pain and searching, together we can put your mind at ease and bring calmness to your chaos.

Together we will uncover your truth and provide the answers to what the subtitle of this book promises: Discovering Peace When Everything Changes.

So let me start by asking you a very important question: How are you going to spend this one unique and precious life you have been given? You may have no power over your circumstances, but you do have control over your mind and how you are going to taste life, enjoy it, and find out the truth about who you are.

What if you worked hard, overachieved to reach your goals, made a good income, loved your spouse and your life, were respected and loved by your family and friends—everything was as near to perfect as you could imagine it being, and then it was all suddenly stripped away? What if everything you ever knew was not what you thought it was? What if each person you knew turned out to be someone different than you thought him or her to be? What if everything you knew was no more? What if all your friends disappeared, you lost your job, lost those you loved the most, lost your home, lost your spouse, lost your career, and had to start all over again? How do you recreate your life (or some semblance of it), and why did it crumble if it was so perfect anyway? Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Imagine that you are pure of heart and seeking something greater than what you already knew to be pretty great. How do you compare? How do you redefine happiness when you thought you were the happiest you could be? Or better yet, how do you find happiness if you never truly knew it to begin with? Do you get caught up in life’s monotony, neglect to have moments of appreciation for what you have, and wish for something different? Are you a creature of habit at times—taking for granted the flow of your day, and instead of focusing on it, wandering off to dream—dream of another partner you feel would better complete your needs or harmonize with your life? Do you visualize yourself with a different financial status? How can you be sure, given the choice, that what you would choose would be any better than what you already have? And how do you know whether it is the best spiritual choice? Or do you even think about spiritual choices? Sure you find moments of pleasure and thankfulness regardless, but what if you are constantly revisiting the same ideas to better yourself? What if your partner, culture, or family isn’t along for the ride? What if you are on a path to better yourself when, suddenly, so much changes so quickly that you find yourself gripping at anything left that is familiar? Consider what might happen if, while you were trying to be a better person and connect to something with more meaning, that perfect spouse decided to have an affair, or the person you loved the most died, or that your perfect promotion interview turned into a down-sizing or job loss?

Our world is changing, and many of us have been left asking, “Why?” “How?” and “Who?” Life is sometimes not easy, and just getting through the mundane tasks of eating, paying bills, and caring for loved ones is more than enough to handle. But what if within all that, your spirit is calling? What if something within you says, “This is not right,” or “This could be better”? You are now being called to find your truth. The old systems are shutting down, forcing you to figure out your gifts and purpose here on earth. This process may be leading you to seek in ways that some might call “spiritual” in nature. You are being bombarded with “feel good” quotes on Facebook, new healing modalities, and motivational and spiritual technologies popping out of the woodwork. Which if any of these have you connected to? How is it impacting your life? Is it making you feel better or worse about yourself? Do you want to change?

Change happens constantly in life, whether you plan for it or not. And even when you make the effort to change, it can lead to additional changes you did not foresee or necessarily want. For example, divorce usually occurs when one person in the marriage seeks to grow and change while the other tries to hold on to old ways and patterns. Often, the result is pain as well as new growth for both individuals. Similarly, large corporations are failing, forcing you to find new ways to pay your bills. You can see this change as an opportunity that leads to your working in your true capacity to do what you were meant to on the planet. Are you sure you are doing what you are meant to do in this lifetime?

Maybe it took (or is taking) a great shake up for you to find your truth, or maybe you were one of the lucky ones and gracefully eased into it. When you have a great change occur in your life, it can often be hard to figure out where to start putting the pieces back together. A shift in consciousness is about to take place; you are now a part of what I call “The Great Initiation.” Did you know that in the shamanic traditions this great change can sometimes be considered a soul wound, and in other spiritual studies, it’s considered a karmic debt from previous lives and the lack of understanding you had then? Some traditions talk of the need to repeat your old stories time and time again in various lifetimes until you learn the lessons you wished for. Yes, the ones you wished for! I believe that one day before you were born and came to earth, you sat down with God and drew up your life’s master plan. You were smart and experienced. God called in all the ancient masters, prophets, angels, and guides, and He asked for them to assist you in what would be the greatest plan for this life’s experiences.

Because you are now reading this book, it’s clear to me that you are searching for a better understanding of the difficulties in your life, and I was included as part of that plan for you. Perhaps you have gone through more strenuous or trying times than I have, but for whatever reason, our master plans have been made to overlap. Now it’s my goal to share with you the spiritual and experiential wisdom I’ve gained along the way. I trust this wisdom will help guide you on your path into your own becoming.

It’s hard to imagine when a tragedy occurs that any kind of light at the end of the tunnel can exist. Maybe it’s taken you years to come to believe that the tragic incidents in your life were beneficial for your soul’s growth. I actually believed God hated me, wanted to see me suffer and was tempting me with my life. I was angry at God! But anger can serve you by causing you to push forward in ways you never dreamed of doing. What are you angry at, and how has your anger motivated you?

So, if you were at all like me and mad at the world (God in particular), imagine this: You’ve lost everything, and then you start to see and experience things of the most bizarre nature as you seek to find peace, answers, and truth on your newfound “seeker’s path.” What if you could draw aside the veil that separates our third-dimensional and heavy earth from all that is included in the universal truth, which may exceed the limits of human wisdom and knowing? Would you be okay with what you would see? I saw the most unimaginable things between the realms of what I knew and what I never could have imagined in my wildest dreams. Everything was a facade. How do you put pieces back together when nothing at all is familiar anymore? Nothing! Could you imagine the crumbling of it all would make you say, “Thank you” and “I had no idea how much better it could be”?

It’s taken me a while to understand the value of seeking between the realms on a spiritual path and how doing so can provide balance in life, but I have also learned it’s best to know what you are looking for and to develop tools to ground yourself to prepare for all the things you never imagined!

This book will share bizarre incidents and experiences that could not otherwise be had if too much time was spent growing a business, managing staff, raising family, being untruthful with myself, or not listening to that little voice saying, “You must write even if it doesn’t make sense to you—it will to others.” You may not have the luxury of stepping away from your daily responsibilities to take these kinds of journeys without sacrifice. In this book, I will share lessons learned following love most of all and also through experiencing death—leading to the path of Peruvian Shamanism—with journeys across Central and South America; the path of yoga (Kundalini in particular). I will also share powerful visual experiences, such as angel visitations, UFO phenomenon, portal openings, conversations, and healings with those who have passed over to the other side; the dances between light and dark and how they serve; depression over loss; visual experiences of the third kind; discussions on what it means to find your truth (and actually seeing lies); surviving the “dark nights of the soul” and coming out clean, grounded, and undisturbed. This book was written so I could share all these things with those beginning to awaken to truth for the benefit of the whole planet.

You may want to know a little more about me before we begin this journey together. I have a Certification in Transpersonal Psychology (at the Master’s level), an MBA in Technology Management, a Bachelor’s degree in Communications, and more than 500 hours in Kundalini yoga teacher training. I spent the first part of my career in the ’90s in advertising, web development, and information technology in executive management in the auto industry in Detroit, Michigan. When my career no longer satisfied my desire for personal growth, I left it to begin a new path opening multiple chiropractic offices with my former husband (a chiropractor). We successfully grew these businesses throughout the 2000s to more than $1 million per year in revenue. I then found that life changes—a divorce, a series of deaths, spiritual visions, and otherworldly experiences— found me seeking a new kind of quest that didn’t involve quotas or management of personnel, but instead, tugged at both my heart and sanity as a whirlwind of change turned my life upside-down and inside-out.

During my career and the growth of the offices, I overachieved to obtain all my goals, including attaining a six-figure income and an MBA by the time I was only twenty-six years old. But the new sandbox I was playing in left my truth in question, and when everyone else walked away, a pure and true relationship with the Divine, the companionship of my Chinese Shar Peis, and a lot of confusion was all I had left. There were no degrees attainable for this training and no measurables to determine how well I was doing at it. I had to learn to rely more on myself than ever before.

In my Kundalini yoga training, I had been taught that to master something was to teach it, and my previous path had been all about achieving mastery. After a series of events, I began to teach Kundalini yoga and Shamanic Healing at my twenty-five-acre retreat in Michigan from 2003-2012. The bizarre occult experiences in my life during those years were not completely new to me since I’d had many experiences as a young child that I had kept to myself my entire life. But this period seemed to be a time for me to experience and understand them more actively and vividly, although it became very hard for me to understand what was going on and to remain grounded. The lessons grew from anger (the death of many loved ones), to curiosity (being a seeker), to searching for something greater, finally calling the search “spiritual,” and reading, studying, and experiencing everything metaphysical, making sense of what was practical and useful, adopting concepts and systems that were whole and pure that could be revisited when the visions or outside forces got to be too much, and refresher courses when needed.

I stepped away from my teaching and focused on learning my lessons more internally in 2012 because it was time for more grounding and absorbing of them. In that process, I found great joy in my creative nature—rediscovered from long ago when as a young child I had visions and dreams of being a great artist in the advertising business. I am now ecstatic to be designing book covers, logos, images, and websites with my fiancé Patrick in Maui, Hawaii. I also am the owner of “Vegan Dog Treats,” a vegan treat business for owners looking for healthy, organic, and natural options for their dogs. This business was inspired by one of my true loves—Shiitake, a sassy, lavender Chinese Shar Pei.

I have a diverse background in both education and life experiences, so I understand if you are apprehensive about listening to someone who has taken this odd path, stepped away from her career, and gone an untraditional route. But I have learned over the years that the only thing I can truly offer to anyone is my truth. All of your truths are based on your experiences. What is true for you?

I have wanted to share my stories for many years, but I was worried about what people would think of me. But when I open myself to my truth, I understand I am not alone. There are so many ancient traditions holding universal truths; in fact, many cultures carved these stories onto cave walls so future generations would remember them. If you could carve your truths on a wall, what would they look like? What have you experienced that you are afraid to talk about? It can be scary to go against the way you are programmed and to act or behave in a certain way. But I believe we are so much more similar than we are different, and we are all seeking happiness, contentment, love, grace, and ease.... What are you hiding behind that is keeping you from your light—your truth?

I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I do want to show you how I have found my way through my stories and experiences so you can gleam some knowledge for your life’s journey. I want to help you step into your becoming and truth and to be your coach and mentor throughout this process. I want to serve you in this way because I believe that to be wounded is to be experienced and to be experienced is to be a great healer! If you change your perception about your experiences and see them as just simply experiences, you might be able to see them as intended life lessons and serve as a master of them who can teach and help others.

Are you ready to teach your mastery? Are you a Master of Divorce? A Master of Job Loss? A Master of the Paranormal? Please share with me all you have learned, and stop being afraid that you have done something wrong or are out-of-sync with the “norm”! Teach the world your skills! I can almost guarantee you that if you were to teach what you perceived as a wound, you would master that subject! Let’s heal this planet together by not being afraid to step out with our stories because they are our truth and our tools for growth, learning, and teaching for others.

Are you ready to step out of your box? To expand your comfort zone? Are you ready to be exposed to things you may not understand or that are different than your current belief systems? Are you ready to heal your grief of your loss? Are you ready to expand your mind, walk between the realms, and discover your inner truth that may have been eluding you for years? If you have answered “Yes” to any of these questions and promise to keep an open mind, then let’s begin this journey together!

I sincerely hope that by being open in these pages about my truths and experiences, I will inspire you to be true to you! I encourage you to seek the truth, trust in God, believe in yourself and love unconditionally.

Many blessings and much aloha!

Mahalo,

Nicole Gabriel

CHAPTER 1

IDENTIFYING THE

Catalyst of Change

“Let him that would move the world
first move himself.”
— Socrates

Suppose we were smart enough to set up either obstacles to overcome or lessons to break through for our soul’s growth in this life’s incarnation. Suppose again that we are masters and creatively designed these challenges (catalysts) well before we came here. We designed the scenarios and all the key players with great thought as to how we would be challenged to respond. Maybe we even picked the timing of these great events and the exact sequences to occur. And maybe if we end up not walking the plan we set in place, we have little reminders pop in that say, “Hey, you’re on the wrong path,” or “Try this one out.” But until you go through many of these challenges and roadblocks, you may be unaware that the results they cause could possibly inflict so much pain...or cause so much growth. They continue to come, and you continue to find ways through them.

Your mind, body, spirit, and soul are going to be challenged to evoke great change. So, if you ask yourself, “In what ways have I not been the same since...?” you will likely find that juicy gift you can thank yourself for later...after you muddle through it. Or maybe you can shift your mind so you can view these “catalysts” or agents of change as simply experiences needed for your growth. This perspective does take a bit of the pressure off.

AWARENESS

When a loved one dies, the light of the angels fills my awareness. The light only becomes so bright when someone who has touched my soul deeply is passing over. The first time I saw the light of the angels, I was unaware that it would mean someone close to me would be carried over to the other side. The feeling is a bit unsettling—knowing that someone you love is leaving. But the angels do provide some comfort. As much as I have studied death over the last decade, I still cannot find complete peace with it. I know death means that someone I love is leaving and it will be some time before we come together in the physical again. I immediately try to feel whether I can determine who it is before the phone call comes. I know it is someone who has touched me and I have touched him or her. Several days may go by before I know who has passed away, making me think that maybe I have misread the message. Recently, I was out for a run when an email came through on my smartphone telling me that my ex mother-in-law had been carried away. I was touched that my divorce didn’t affect our connection, and I was thankful for the unbiased love. I cried the rest of my run home despite not having seen her in years, and I knew the angels had brought her comfort. I cried in happiness, knowing that her love (Joe) waited for her on the other side. I’d never met Joe, but I’d had many conversations with him in spirit. I went home, and with tears in my eyes, during my daily meditation, I prayed that her spirit be released fully to the hands of the angels.

COPING WITH DEATH

Death was never a subject that caught my interest in any way; nor was it a subject I was very familiar with prior to the experiences I’m about to explain, but death would be the largest catalyst of change to spur me on into a whole new way of being. In 2006, the death of my dog, Tia Maria, the one “thing” that meant the most in the whole world to me, would cause a severe “jerk” out of my old ways and cause me to reevaluate everything in my life. I would later learn that, in the shamanic traditions, death is known to be one of life’s greatest events that can cause a great shift to occur.

Before we go further, I want you to take a moment and think back to events in your life where you can say without a doubt “I haven’t been the same since....” If you have studied shamanism, you will know that time of change is where something called a “soul wound” likely exists. A soul wound is a wound so deep it stays with you (in your soul’s “blueprint”) until you heal it. I’ll explain this a bit more in Chapter 2.

For me, the moment Tia died, my life changed forever. At this time, it was hard for me to understand why people couldn’t understand my loss the way I did—I was deeply wounded and shocked. I would later understand this was a “programmed awakening” that I must have previously put in place for this time in my life. Tia was only seven years old and passed away just ten days after she was tested for kidney failure. The day she died, our home was very silent and all the other animals were curled together on the floor in the family room, respecting a kind of mysterious “death space” created on the other side of the back door leading to the small maple tree under which she was breathing heavily in the backyard. I took notice of the other dogs and knew Tia was likely to pass that morning, but my heart wasn’t ready for her passing, and I grew confused when I approached her. I didn’t know what to do. She had been on subcutaneous fluids, so my instant reaction was that she needed another dose. As I proceeded to inject her back and squeeze the IV fluid in, I could see very quickly it was not going to help her and that I was invading the space the other animals so instinctively respected, but I didn’t know what else to do. In the place of not knowing, I became panicked and confused.

Have you ever experienced death? How did you handle it? How did you prepare for it? How did you walk through it? I had never before been so intimate with death, but now here it was in my face, and it felt like everything I did was a matter of life or death for Tia. I was losing my daughter (not my dog), and I was panicking in trying to figure out how I could save her. I was not prepared for kidney dysfunction to develop so quickly into death. I didn’t understand that she wouldn’t be with me forever. Despite all my best logical efforts to save her life, there was nothing I could do.

At this time in my life, I didn’t believe in God or prayer. I didn’t even know there was someone outside of myself or the veterinarian who could help her. I was angry that the veterinarian didn’t better prepare me for this moment and tell me what was to come. I was angry that my husband had left me to figure out what to do while he went off to work that morning, and I was just plain confused. The sun was very hot that sunny June day, and as it began to grow warmer, Tia’s breathing became more labored. I was so panicked and unable to handle it myself. I called my dad, and he took off work to drive all the way over to be with us. He told me that I could take her to his vet, and she would be put to sleep in the back of the car in her bed. I couldn’t even come to grips with the idea that she was leaving, let alone that I would make that choice for her. While I awaited his arrival, I couldn’t help but reflect back on my whole life and my time with her. As she faded in and out, I moved from one experience to another.

I would recall how she came into my life—a bit of a mystery really. I had contacted a woman breeder who appeared on the birth certificate of my other dog, Mai Tai. The breeder had acquired Tia as a pup in a trade (often done by breeders). The breeder had been moving and needed to find Tia a home. Now as Tia labored under the maple tree, I began to think of the day Mai Tai and I took that four-hour drive across Michigan to pick her up. When we arrived, dust was in the air from the dirt road under my little BMW convertible and a whole pack of dogs of various breeds greeted us. A woman yelled from a distance, calling all the dogs into the house. When the noise and the dust cleared, there stood a little fawn-colored Shar Pei pup. When she barked quite protectively at us, I was alarmed that she might be aggressive. There was no instant bond that developed—nothing magical that happened between us, but I had just driven all that way so it was likely she was going to go home with me anyway; I often find it hard to say no to any animal. After several minutes, Mai Tai and I determined she was not aggressive and would be a good fit for our home.

We drove home that day in the warm sunlight with the convertible top down. Mai Tai would have his new little “sister.” I was gone for long hours in those days, working in executive management in the automotive industry, so I figured he needed the company while I was gone. For many years after Tia arrived in our life, we would await her pedigree in hopes of breeding her. But, after several attempts, she would seem to be from a mysterious no-name breeder. The woman I received her from had moved, and although I checked with every breeder in the Midwest, no one would ever see her again. I will never know any more (logically) about where she came from, but years later, I would run into a shaman healer who gave me a whole different perspective on her appearance in my life. I would find out she was a rare gift from my “lineage” (a term I was unfamiliar with at the time). I was told she was sent from my “spiritual family” to guide me from a place of unconditional love. Throughout this book, I will explain how I came to understand this more as I sought answers.

As Tia now floated in and out of consciousness there under that maple tree, I sat with her, rubbing lavender oil on her belly (which I think she actually hated) and dropping valerian root and Rescue Remedy flower essences in her mouth in hopes of relaxing her. I had previously needed these “tools” for Mai Tai when he would get stressed, so I figured they might work. I think I was just bothering her, though.

Eventually, my dad arrived, and suddenly, everything became more systematic and grounded and I became less dreamy and more practical-minded, as often inherently happened in his presence. He and I lifted Tia up on her blanket and carried her to the car. As soon as we put her in the backseat, she reached out with her arms, took a deep breath, and, I believe, had a heart attack. Just like that, she was gone. I stared at her and thought it was all a joke and she’d wake back up, but she never did, and I just fell on top of her and bawled like a baby. It was my first intimate loss and the most meaningful.

I had, at a younger age, lost my grandparents, but this loss was much different. My grandparents had lived full lives while Tia was only seven. My parents and funeral homes and hospitals handled everything before, but this was up to me. I don’t know why I took precious time away from her dying process, but somewhere in the chaos before I had called my dad, I had gotten on our tractor and proceeded to dig a giant hole in our five-acre yard to place her. I had lined it with blankets and toys and treats, so I guess part of me had decided she was passing that day. I barely remembered digging the hole, but after she passed, my dad and I would carry her over to her grave. We had a huge landscape project going on in the yard that summer, and we were preparing to install twenty-two pallets of grass in a few days. The whole yard was a mess. I placed her in the hole at the head of the river we were installing; it was a location I could see from my bedroom window each morning as I lay in bed.

I had worked so hard that summer at our home and with our businesses. My husband and I had three chiropractic offices, and I was managing the books, doing massage, working the front desk, and in my free time, remodeling our home basement, painting both the interior and exterior, installing hardscape in the yard, and landscaping it. I didn’t even know how exhausted I was until Tia passed. Then it was as if a bomb had gone off. I left the paintbrushes, shovels, and various projects and stopped! I just stopped. I had gone at full pace at 200 percent my whole life—overachieving all my goals, both scholastically and career-wise, but suddenly, everything just stopped! Nothing made sense. I wondered why I was working so hard. I wondered what the point was. Who was I impressing? What was I preparing for? My husband and I always worked so hard and so many long hours and had no friends and no children (during what should have been the most fertile years of my life) so no one was coming over to enjoy it. No one even cared how hard either of us worked.

What has stopped you in your life and made you ask, “Why? For what?”

BEGINNING TO QUESTION

I was in the middle of single-handedly painting the entire exterior of our two-story house. I had been climbing on scaffolding and ladders for a month. I continued moving forward for a bit and hid behind the project so no one could see my pain. There I stood, almost with the paintbrush in my hands mid-stroke, and I just walked away! I was angry and upset and asking big questions now: Why? What is this all about? Why did the one thing that meant the most to me get taken? Who took her? Who decided it was her time and where did she go? I wanted revenge. I was embarrassed that my dog’s death could cause me such pain because other people I knew had lost their children, their parents, their spouses, and this was “just a dog,” right?