The ‘New’ Rules of Engagement
A Guide to Understanding and
Connecting with Generation Y
By Michael McQueen
The ‘New’ Rules of Engagement
A Guide to Understanding and Connecting with Generation Y
Copyright © Michael McQueen 2011
First published in 2007 in Australia by The Nexgen Group Pty Ltd
Second edition printed in 2008
Reprinted June 2009, April 2010
ISBN: 9781618421630
www.TheNexgenGroup.com
Cover Design by Tim Matta of Hammer + Tongs Creative
www.hammerandtongs.net.au
Edited by Clear Communications
www.clearcommunications.net.au
Typesetting and layout by Imperial Metric
www.imperialmetric.tv
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced to a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
Dedicated to William J McQueen
(1953–2004)
A wonderful father, wise mentor and best friend
Contents
Introduction
Section 1 What is a Generation?
Chapter 1 Setting the scene
Chapter 2 Limitations and boundaries
Chapter 3 The Builders
Chapter 4 The Baby Boomers
Chapter 5 Generation X
Chapter 6 Generation Y
Chapter 7 Generation Z
Section 2 Why can’t everyone else just be normal… like me?
Chapter 8 Nine areas of paradigm rift
Section 3 The ‘New’ Rules of Engagement
Chapter 9 – Rule # 1 Put relationship before role
Chapter 10 – Rule # 2 Use matrix learning
Chapter 11 – Rule # 3 Focus on outcomes over process
Chapter 12 – Rule # 4 Adopt a facilitator role
Chapter 13 – Rule # 5 Give regular positive feedback
Chapter 14 – Rule # 6 Set short-term, challenging goals
Chapter 15 – Rule # 7 Use stories to make your point
Chapter 16 – Rule # 8 Go for commitment, not compliance
Conclusion
Bibliography
Further Reading
Acknowledgements
At the age of 22, I felt that I had a lot to teach. I started The Nexgen Group with the bold notion that I knew everything necessary to equip and prepare students for their career and future.
Instead, I found that I had a lot to learn!
Since those early days, the breathtaking growth in the scope and influence of Nexgen’s work has never ceased to amaze me. I could never have imagined that within a few short years we would be operating at an international level and touching the lives of over 20,000 young people each year. I certainly never expected that the lessons I learned in those formative years would one day form the foundation of a book that would reshape the way governments, corporations, schools, parents, hospitals, churches, the police and even the military approached their work with young people.
However, like any success story, the Nexgen journey is marked by the input of many people to whom I am deeply indebted.
My first thanks must go to Lyn Camp and the Careers Advisers Association of New South Wales. Without your assistance, ideas and encouragement, I would have never got off ‘Go’!
I am also very grateful to numerous individuals from the New South Wales Department of Education and Training, with a special mention to Hanna Kemp from the Western Sydney Regional Office. Your vision, superb networking skills and generosity with time and input were instrumental factors in Nexgen’s early growth and evolution.
Thanks must go also to my superb literary agent Jillian Manus as well as David, Jim, Lyza, Rick and the rest of the team at Morgan James publishing.
Of the many others who have played significant roles, I especially want to acknowledge Liz Kovacic, Sam Haddon, Carlie Boyton, Chris Stewart, Phyllis Devereaux, John and Denise Hargreaves, Chris Bailey and Graham Agnew. In different ways each of you has been a key influence in both my business and my life.
Thanks to my newest parents, Ross and Nessie. Your limitless encouragement and belief in me has been, and remains, invaluable.
To my wonderful Mom – you are an inspiration! I am so proud of you and thank you for the love and example that you and Dad have shown me in life. I am blessed to have had parents who modeled what it meant to sacrifice for and invest in the next generation.
A big thank you also to my long-suffering and exceptional assistant Liz. Your thoroughness, generous nature and sense of humor are more appreciated than you could ever know. You are a gem!
Above all, my most heartfelt thanks go to my beautiful wife, Hailey. Thank you for your patience as I spent endless days locked up writing and for your continued encouragement when I wanted to quit. Your love, support and belief gives me the courage to become the man you deserve. I love you.
Finally, thanks to the many hundreds of audiences around the world to whom I have had the privilege of presenting in recent years. This book is the culmination of the lessons you taught me as I endeavored to teach you.
Introduction
You already know each other well – or do you?
You and they are different. You know this but perhaps don’t know why. The world you have always known seems so different to theirs.
They have a hard time imagining a home without a computer for everyone over the age of four. You have a hard time understanding how your four-year-old niece can program the hard disk recorder you find almost impossible to use.
They ask what going to a library used to be like ‘in the old days’ before the internet answered every conceivable question. You wonder when Google became a verb.
They speak of PDAs, DVDs, MP3s and iPods. You are still trying to figure out what LOL means.
They wonder if perhaps the Cold War occurred during the last ice age. You remember when Reds lurked under the bed.
They have no idea what a broken record is or what you mean when you say they sound like one. You remember when cassette tapes were revolutionary.
________________________________________
Who are ‘they’? Good question. They go by many names – ‘The Millennials’, ‘The Net Generation’, ‘Generation Y2K’, ‘Generation Why’, ‘Echo Boomers’ and even ‘The Sunshine Generation’.
However, the name by which they are most commonly known is ‘Generation Y’.
Born in the 1980s and 1990s, this group of 71 million young Americans is one of the most widely misunderstood and misrepresented generations of recent times.
First named and categorized by a journalist in Advertising Age in the early 1990s,{1} Generation Y has to this day remained a subject of great fascination and intense scrutiny. Countless books, research papers and newspaper articles have been written in an effort to understand where they have come from, what they think, and how to connect with them.
Much of this material has emerged as a result of the needs of business. The record-breaking unemployment figures experienced prior to the Global Financial Crisis (GFC) coupled with the reality of an aging workforce has led corporations to invest tens of millions of dollars in an attempt to understand how best to recruit, manage and retain Gen Ys.
Advertising companies have also shown a keen interest in profiling and targeting this group – after all they are the most prosperous youth market in history.{2}
Indeed, the concept of ‘engaging Generation Y’ has become a buzz topic in recent years. As a speaker in this field, my travels have allowed me the opportunity to work with thousands of teachers, parents and business owners who deal with this generation on a daily basis. Just like you, these are the everyday people who are on the front line when it comes to responding to and connecting with young people.
In all these discussions I tend not to hear the rhetoric that some sociologists throw around in relation to this group. I hear disappointingly few upbeat stories of parents, teachers and employers finding this generation a joy and pleasure to interact with.
Instead, the words I hear said most often by those who work with Generation Y are ‘frustrating’ and ‘confusing’. In so many areas of interaction, older generations are exasperated by a generation that seems disinterested, disloyal, disrespectful and self-centered.
Parents, teachers and employers the world over are finding themselves trying to connect with a group of young people they simply don’t understand. They speak of this generation’s brash self-confidence, impatient arrogance, and unfocused flippancy, and are left asking one question: ‘What do we do with them?’
This book is designed to help you find an answer to that question for yourself. I can’t offer you the ‘magic pill’ or give ‘three steps to instant engagement’. What I can offer you are ideas, insights and understanding.
Having presented to and coached over 80,000 Gen Ys (and being a member of this generation myself), I want to help you get inside the heads of this group so you can better understand them.
That said, I think it is inadequate to simply stop at the point of understanding. There are a number of great books with a specific focus on understanding different generations. Although valuable in its own right, I believe this approach is too limited.
While understanding is a key part of developing empathy, true empathy will always inspire action. That is, to know and not to do is not to know at all. Understanding without a resultant action is like the person who has seen all the World Vision advertisements on television, has developed a great sense of empathy for the poor of the developing world, but has never made a donation.
Real awareness and understanding must prompt a response. In other words, how will understanding Generation Y help you better connect with them.
I find that what teachers, parents and employers want more than anything else are practical strategies that will lead to engagement with young people. They want to engage with this group and get a sense of engagement from them in return.
Some descriptions that are commonly used when you examine the word engage in the dictionary describe the concept perfectly:
to occupy the attention or efforts of a person or persons
to attract, hold fast or involve
to interlock with or become connected to
Put simply, engagement is about three things: commitment, attraction and connection.
My hope is to equip you with understanding, tools, strategies and ideas that will enable you to powerfully engage Generation Y.
This book is divided up into three broad sections, each designed to help achieve this end:
Section one will clarify what a generation is, and start by expanding some of the labels that are used to classify groups of people by their age. I hope to give you an insight into how the era in which you were born has shaped your world view, and in turn, how this world view affects the way you relate to others.
Section two will look at a number of significant areas of ‘Paradigm Rift’ that exist between generations. Specifically, I will highlight Generation Y’s perceptions and mind-set in comparison with an established societal perspective.
Finally, in section three I will highlight a number of strategies or ‘rules’ for engaging Generation Y whether you are an educator, an employer or parent of this group.
So hold on for the ride. You may come across some radical new ideas in the pages ahead that challenge the way you think. But remember; minds are like parachutes… they work best when they are open!
Section 1
What is a Generation?
gen·er·a·tion
[jen-uh-rey-shuhn]
Noun
The entire body of individuals born and living at
about the same time who share similar
ideas, problems and attitudes.
Chapter 1
Setting the scene
You could be forgiven for thinking that the idea of classifying and studying generations was something new. You may be tempted to dismiss the whole notion as the latest fad of overzealous managers and marketers keen to find a competitive edge. Maybe you are skeptical of the language and labels used and wonder whether breaking people into categories based on their birth year is nothing more than a simplistic and patronizing overgeneralization designed to ‘box’ people.
If you fall into any of the above groups, you are not alone.
You may, however, be surprised to learn that the study of generations goes back as far as the Greek historian Cicero and the ancient writers Heraclitus and Homer. The Chinese philosopher Lin Yu-t’ang and the Hebrew writers of the Old Testament also placed a great deal of emphasis on the significance and meaning of generations.
In recent decades the emphasis that social researchers have placed on the study of generations has increased dramatically. I would suggest that there are two reasons for this.
Firstly, information is more readily available in our modern age than in centuries past. The quantitative data that forms much of the basis of this area of sociology is being collected and analyzed now more than ever before.
Secondly, and more importantly, the impact of generational change was significantly greater in the 20th century than in any previous era. After all, the difference between someone born in 1840 and someone born in 1880 would be nowhere near as significant or profound as that between people born in 1940 and 1980. What a difference one century has made. With the increased pace of technological and social change, the gap between generations has never been greater.
In his book, Mind the Gap, Graeme Codrington picks up on this point, saying:
In the ‘good old days’, before the dawn of the 20th Century, there was no need for a formal generational theory in order to get a handle on the mindsets, perceptions, value systems, attitudes and opinions of the era. Time moved slowly, change was measured and almost imperceptible. When a grandparent held her infant grandchild in her arms, she could safely imagine that the life of that child and its future would be much the same as they had been for her.{3}
It goes without saying that society’s collective views on morality, family and behavior have changed enormously over the course of the 20th century. Our collective values have fundamentally shifted during this period. What was considered risqué one hundred years ago could now be seen as prudish.
Before we dive into a discussion about the impact of these changes and what they mean for you as you relate to Generation Y, let’s define some basic terms and concepts.
Firstly, ‘generation’ is simply a term that describes a group of people that are born at about the same time. The Oxford Dictionary defines a ‘generation gap’ as the variance in opinion between those of different generations.
‘Generational theory’ is the area of sociology that deals specifically with mapping, classifying and understanding the characteristics of different generations and how the gap between them is expressed.
Typically, a generation represents a period of roughly twenty years. However, generations are sometimes grouped together due to a set of common influences and characteristics. For example, the ‘Builder’ generation (see below) is actually a combination of two cohorts – the ‘GI’ generation and the ‘Silent’ generation. Many sociologists group them together for ease of analysis.
Broadly speaking, if we look at the 20th century there are five main generations:
While there is often debate as to where the boundaries between generations should be placed, the labels and years shown above represent those that are most widely accepted.
However, at this point it is worth stating that the labels themselves are not important – their significance lies in what they represent.
To fully understand what makes each generation unique we must take into account many factors. These can include the significant events, social norms, shared experiences, financial backdrop and cultural climate that existed in the formative years of each group.
Eminent US psychologist Lawrence Kohlburg suggests that a child’s opinion of what is right, wrong and normal is predominantly formed by the age of ten.{4} Therefore, when profiling behaviors and mindsets, it is necessary to identify the influences at play in the formative years of a specific generation. Based on this, we can then compare generational mindsets, develop greater understanding and begin to communicate and engage with each other more effectively.
Chapter 2
Limitations and boundaries
Despite the inherent value in developing an understanding of other generations, it would be naïve to ignore the limitations and dangers that exist when we define and characterize people based on the year that they were born.
There are, in fact, some who would dismiss the basic premise of generational theory altogether. In his book Gangland, Mark Davis argues that ‘generalizationalism’ is merely a tool used by those in power to ridicule young people in order to assert the role of being cultural and economic gatekeepers.{5} In stronger language still, US author and editor of Slate magazine David Plotz describes the process of generalizing about generations as completely ‘bogus’.{6}
I would, however, argue that such perspectives are both largely ill-informed and misguided. Having spent countless hours sifting through, and studying, some of the most current research available in this field, I would argue that there is certainly a relevance and validity to the profiling of generations.
I have witnessed firsthand the ‘light-bulb moments’ that occur when people suddenly see the impact of a generational background on mindsets, behavior and communication.
In the interests of best analysis, however, I do acknowledge three limitations to generational theory.
Firstly, it is important to be clear that a person’s generation is only one factor in our understanding of human behavior. Factors such as culture, gender, nationality, personality and religion are integral parts of a person’s behavioral make-up and must not be discounted or overlooked. That said, I have found that the influences of culture and ethnicity are playing a lesser role in shaping today’s youth than they have in the past. This younger generation tends to be incredibly consistent around the world – the Gen Y phenomenon is indeed a global one.
In my interactions with young people from the bustling streets of Seoul or New York City to villages in rural Uganda, there is an emerging worldwide youth culture that transcends ethnic or national boundaries in an unprecedented way. Young people around the globe are on the same social networking sites, listening to the same music and watching the same movies. While the labels attributed to Gen Y may change from country to country,{7} the underlying influences shaping young people do not.
Secondly, generational theory should always be viewed as descriptive rather than prescriptive. To this extent, I agree with Mark Davis: generational theory is underpinned by broad generalizations. These generalizations, while helpful in describing identifiable patterns of behavior within a cohort, should not necessarily be interpreted as typical of a whole group.
You will undoubtedly be able to identify certain characteristics within yourself that don’t neatly fit into the generational mold from which you are supposed to have come. That’s okay – exceptions don’t invalidate the rule, they help to define it.
It would perhaps be helpful to approach this book with the same mindset you would if reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. In this revealing and landmark work, Dr. John Gray never intended to specify what all men and all women were like. If that was what you were looking for you probably wouldn’t have read past page four! Rather, by using everyday situations and examples, he was able to describe what most men and most women are like.
That is precisely what generational theory aims to do: highlight and examine the patterns and trends of the significant majority in a cohort. However, we must recognize that there will always be a place for diversity and non-conformity.
This leads me to the third limitation of generational theory: the labels and categories we use should not serve as something that we hide behind or use as an excuse. To say, ‘I’m a Baby Boomer, so I demand your respect’ or ‘I’m a Gen Y so I don’t automatically give respect’ would be an inappropriate use of generational insight. Identifying the characteristics of our own generation and the nuances of others should ideally empower us to connect across the generation gap rather than provide an excuse for why conflict is inevitable.
As we take an in-depth look at the five main generations of the 20th century, there are two factors we must consider:
1. Influences
What were the era-specific factors that shaped each generation? As the old saying goes, people really do resemble their times more than they resemble their parents.{8}
2. Characteristics
Based on these influences, what are some of the resultant characteristics and mindsets specific to each generation?
________________________________________
With those questions in mind, travel back with me to the beginning of last century, to the days when the automobile was a new invention, Charlie Chaplin was a rising star, and the sinking of the Titanic stunned the world.
Let’s meet a generation known as the Builders.
Chapter 3
The Builders
Born during the first four decades of the 20th Century, the Builders were a pioneering generation who, as their name suggests, built much of what we take for granted in modern society.
They were the first children to grow up under the protection of child labor legislation and were the first adolescents to receive the label ‘teenagers’.{9}
This was a generation who boldly challenged the boundaries of human endeavor and achievement. Their heroes, Winston Churchill, Mahatma Ghandi and Superman, reflected the self-discipline, fierce courage and deep patriotism for which this generation would become known.
For much of the Builders’ working lives, the Industrial Revolution was at its peak. Factories, production lines and all-powerful companies dominated the work and social landscape.
The Builders’ childhood was one of dramatic extremes – the Roaring Twenties and the Great Depression; the ‘war to end all wars’ and the one that followed.
Indeed, the First and Second World Wars profoundly shaped the way this generation saw themselves and others. Some lingering effects of war are still evident in the Builders to this day. My grandfather, for instance, will still think twice before buying a product that bears the sticker ‘Made in Japan’.
It could be said that the Builders grew up in an era so far removed from the modern age that it may as well have been another planet.
This fact became startlingly clear to me recently as I walked down the main street of Parramatta, a foundational suburb west of Sydney, Australia. In a rush between meetings, I was hurriedly checking my voicemail when I caught the tail end of a fascinating conversation taking place just a few steps behind me.
Tuning in just enough to be able to hear without looking as if I were eavesdropping, I heard an elderly lady speaking excitedly to her granddaughter.
This lady, clearly of the Builder generation, was describing the main street of Parramatta as it looked in the time of her youth. She pointed to the classic old buildings whose renovated facades still stood proudly. She described the narrow dirt streets, the corner where a young boy used to sell the newspaper and spoke of the old farm across the river, now a sprawling housing development.
As she described the scene of that same street eighty years before, I tried to imagine just how different things must have looked. I wondered what it was like before cars, glass towers and traffic lights dominated the streetscape. It was at this point that the elderly lady said something I will never forget.
‘Do you know,’ she said, ‘when I was six years old and we moved here from interstate, the journey was not anywhere near as fast as it is nowadays. In fact, it took us nearly three and a half weeks!’
The granddaughter was clearly surprised by this.
‘Are you serious? How come it took you so long?’ she asked innocently.
The grandmother explained. ‘Well, we didn’t come by car or plane like you would now, we came by horse and carriage!’
I was stunned. What an incredible thing! There I was checking my voicemail on a space-age phone which I accept unthinkingly as a normal part of life and yet walking down the street just a few steps behind me was a woman who had seen and known a world so unlike today’s that I could scarcely imagine it.
The Builders certainly are the product of a different era.
Characteristics of the Builder generation
1. Dutiful
Sparked by the dire threat of war on a global scale, this generation exhibited a fierce nationalism and collective spirit.
When the call to arms came, those of the Builder generation dutifully fell into line, marching off to distant lands to fight for their country and the greater good. Their sense of submission to authority and ‘knowing one’s place’ was reason enough to risk life and limb – an attitude firmly woven into the psyche of this generation.
During a recent speaking tour of Australia’s Northern Territory, I had the chance to visit our equivalent of the Arlington War Cemetery in a town called Adelaide River. Walking around the well-maintained lawns of this proud national monument, I was struck by how many of the headstones bore inscriptions that would rarely be found in more modern cemeteries. Rather than describing the deceased in glowing, warm and personal tones, the bold epitaphs at Adelaide River reflected the sense of duty that inspired so many of the soldiers who had given their lives on the battlefield. Many of the headstones simply read – ‘His Duty Nobly Done’.
Rotary International, an organization popularized by this generation, bears a motto that aptly describes the attitude of a Builder – Service Above Self.
2. Frugal
Defined as ‘being economical in use or expenditure; prudently saving or sparing; not wasteful’, frugality is a hallmark of the Builders.
Having grown up with war-time food rationing, this generation knows the value of things. ‘Waste not, want not’ is their motto.
You don’t have to look far to see evidence of how this mentality has pervaded most areas of their lives, even to this day. For instance, the point at which a jar of peanut butter is officially, definitely and absolutely finished varies greatly depending on whether you are a Builder or a Gen Y.
For a Gen Y the jar is finished when the effort required to extract the remaining peanut butter outweighs the perceived value of the exercise. They may make a token effort to scrape out the jar but will just as happily throw it in the trash and buy a new one. After all, peanut butter only costs $2, so why bother wasting valuable time with the old jar.
A few days later a Builder parent or grandparent is shocked to discover that someone has prematurely thrown out the peanut butter without realizing what they have wasted. Assuming there has been some mistake they rescue the jar from the trash, take it back inside and proceed to scrape enough peanut butter for another five or six sandwiches from the ‘empty’ jar.
Then, once the jar is officially finished I am sure you can guess what happens next…
That’s right! The label is removed, the jar is washed out and it becomes a new home for other precious resources – jam, pickles, nuts, bolts, screws, paperclips, elastic bands – the list goes on! Next stop for the jar? It goes into a cupboard or the garage, of course, where it will remain till the day when its contents are needed.
Have you seen this or a similar scenario played out in your own home? Chances are you have – and this is generational theory in action.
Builders will go to great lengths to make sure nothing is wasted. This is not because of some genetic disposition or commitment to the environment, but rather the logical response of a generation who grew up with rationing during the war. Being wasteful was at best inappropriate and possibly even immoral. This goes a long way towards explaining why a Builder will toast moldy bread rather than throwing it out and darn ten-year-old socks rather than buy a new pair from Target.
My grandma typifies the thrifty nature of a Builder.
As one of five boys, buying Christmas presents for my brothers and I was always an expensive affair – unless you happened to be innovative like Grandma.