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The Ten Commandments: Godly living in an ungodly world
©2007 by the Rev. Leslie J. Thompson, Ph.D.
@2010 LOGOI, Inc
Electronic Rights reserved
www.logoi.org
Eisbn 978-1-938420-11-5
Unless noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation.
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THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT
Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long,
full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
(Exodus 20:12)
What’s so important about our relationship
to our fathers and mothers
that God would write
a special commandment about it?
The Fifth Commandment serves as a great bridge. The first four deal with our relationship to God, the remaining six with our relationships to others. As we look, study and absorb each of the ten, we begin to see why Jesus could summarize them into two:
You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments. (Matthew 22:37-40).
Precisely, the first four commandments tell us how to love God; and the last six tell us how to love our neighbors. For instance, commandments five, six and seven help us get rid of self absorbing love; while the last three show us how to keep peace and love flowing with our neighbors.
Neighborly love, we quickly discover as we look at the first one of these final commandments, begins by showing honor and respect for our parents; assuming, of course, that children know their parents and are able to honor them as they deserve.
The Grimm brothers, back in 1812, could have been thinking about this commandment when they wrote their fable, The Old Grandfather and His Grandson:
Once upon a time there was a very, very old man. His eyes had grown dim, his ears deaf, and his knees shook. When he sat at the table, he could scarcely hold a spoon. He spilled soup on the tablecloth, and, besides that, some of his soup would run back out of his mouth.
His son and his son's wife were disgusted with this, so finally they made the old grandfather sit in the corner behind the stove, where they gave him his food in an earthenware bowl, and not enough at that. He sat there looking sadly at the table, and his eyes grew moist. One day his shaking hands could not hold the bowl, and it fell to the ground and broke. The young woman scolded him, but he said not a word. He only sobbed. Then for a few pennies they bought him a wooden bowl and made him eat from it.
Once when they were all sitting there, the little grandson of four years pushed some pieces of wood together on the floor.
"What are you making?" asked his father.
"Oh, I'm making a little trough for you and mother to eat from when you’re old."
The man and the woman looked at one another and then began to cry. They immediately brought the old grandfather to the table, and always let him eat there from then on. And if he spilled a little, they didn’t say a thing.
Sometimes, in the endless hustle and bustle of our modern world it’s easy to forget the truly important things. In simple and direct words, God gives us a very important responsibility: “Honor your father and your mother.”
How we honor our parents
The Hebrew word, kavod (honor), originates from kavad, which means “something heavy.” The responsibility to honor our parents isn’t always easy—especially when they reach a certain age. The burden can become very heavy.
When my wife Carolyn’s mother died, she and I took over the care of her father. My father-in-law had been a faithful and loving pastor, and had always treated me like a son. We gladly readjusted our lives to bring him into our home, ignoring the costs and sacrifices involved.
As time went by, and his needs became greater, caring for him became more and more difficult.
Eventually we had to find a nurse to help take care of him. Then his memory began to fade. It was especially hard on my wife when the father she loved no longer recognized her. The task grew heavier as the months turned into years. And then he had a stroke and we had to take him to the hospital. A few days later, with a smile full of joy, and his hand pointing to heaven, he entered into the presence of the Lord.
Now, as I look back on that experience, I realize the many sacrifices that were involved in taking care of an elderly parent. We had to prepare a room and equip it especially for him. We had to nurse him and take him to the doctor and provide for all his medications. We had to dress him, bathe him, even make sure he ate. We had to spend many hours keeping him company. We literally had to share our lives with him, sacrificing our own interests in our desire to make him happy. Caring for him was like that well-known phrase we all repeat at our wedding: “Will you love and honor him in sickness and in health, in good times and bad?”
Because we loved him, we accepted the responsibility as a privilege and honor.
At the same time, though difficult, the experience had its rewards. I’ve never known a kinder person than my father-in-law. His love for Christ permeated everything he did. He always had a smile on his face, a word of encouragement, a firm and loving handshake, and a perfect Bible verse for every occasion. It was a joy to hear him pray. There was no doubt that he knew and loved Jesus truly and intimately. As I look back on those years I realize there were many difficult and trying days, nevertheless it was a privilege caring for him. This was the man who had given so much comfort, love, nourishment, and spiritual help to the woman who is my wife and whom I love with all my heart. Furthermore,“Honor your father and mother” is God’s command. And He promises: “Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”
The commandment’s significance in the Bible
The word “honor” means to show respect and esteem; to confer distinction; to revere. In Old Testament days this commandment was so important that a son who disrespected his father could to be put to death (Exodus 21:17; Leviticus 20:9). We read that God cursed Ham because he was disrespectful to his father Noah (Genesis 9:21-27). In New Testament times Jesus condemned the Pharisees for changing the meaning of the fifth commandment. They permitted children to stop providing for their parents so long as they gave that money to the temple instead (Matthew 15:3-9).
Why is this commandment so important?
1.The family is the foundation of society; when the family structure breaks down, the entire nation begins to crumble. In the book of Malachi, chapter two, God tells Israel He rejects their offerings and no longer accepts their worship. Among the sins mentioned is the breakup of the families and their terrible unfaithfulness to their marriage vows. When God removes His blessings, a nation no longer has stability.
2.The family represents the basic unit from which desperately needed spiritual leaders emerge. In Malachi 2:15, God explains that, because of all the moral infidelity in Israel, the families failed to produce “godly children.” Fathers and mothers committed to biblical values are the ones who produce children who become strong spiritual leaders. Take King Uzziah as an example: “He was sixteen years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem fifty-two years. His mother was Jecoliah from Jerusalem. He did what was pleasing in the Lord’s sight, just as his father, Amaziah, had done” (2Kings 15:2-3). Note that the mother and the father of the king are both mentioned. It was their godly upbringing that produced their good and godly son, Uzziah. That’s what God looks for in all Christian families.
3.It goes without saying that all children owe their parents immense gratitude for the many years parents provided food, clothing, a home and education. How much more, when parents surround that home with love and teach their children how to live godly lives in this ungodly world of ours.
4.Children need the protection of parents much more than they realize. This becomes especially obvious when parents become so absorbed in their personal pursuits and ambitions they pay little attention to their children. Rather than a godly example, children see self-centered, selfish parents. Rather than a loving and kind God who is reflected by their parents, children grow up forgotten, uncared for, often abused, to fend for themselves in a hostile and unfriendly environment. Unfortunately, such children, because they know nothing else, usually grow up to reproduce that same type of environment in the homes they establish.
5.Parents, in their old age, generally depend on their children to be their caretakers. Who, however, wants to take care of cantankerous, demanding, unloving old people? If we as parents don’t want to end up that way, while we’re young and able we should learn to be kind, loving, truthful, generous, and forgiving. Paul has some good advice for us all as families: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:18-21).
The quality of life in a society is wonderfully reinforced when this Fifth Commandment is obeyed. Parents whose children love them and care for them live longer, so all of society benefits. When children enjoy the quality of life provided by loving parents, they live with fewer worries and less stress, and this contributes toward longer lives. That precisely is God’s promise: “You will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”
Additional implications for parents
Parents who want to be honored must themselves be honorable. Abusive or tyrannical parents don’t deserve the respect and love of their children. Children, with rare exceptions, love their parents, regardless of how abusive they might have been. The only explanation is that God made us that way; a child instinctively loves his father and mother. However, if that love and trust a child places in his parents is betrayed again and again, there may come a point when that child turns against his parents.
Because this parent-child relationship is so crucial, God warns: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them”(Ephesians 6:4). Since God Himself is a father, He’s concerned about the way parents behave toward their children. We must never forget that the family has a divine origin. God invented it. He’s the one—and not society—who establishes the patterns we’re to follow. God clearly tells us that the father is to be the leader in the family, because families with good fathers are normally healthy families.
Unfortunately, fatherhood, in the above sense, isn’t stressed in some parts of the world. In Latin America, for instance, the mother is the one who’s idealized. Custom has established that the father is the one to be feared, not loved; obeyed, but not followed. In his essay The Labyrinth of Solitude (1950), Mexican writer, Octavio Paz, explains the historic and cultural catalysts behind these traits. According to Paz:
The macho represents the masculine pole of life. The phrase "I am your father" has absolutely no paternal flavor. It is not said in order to protect or to guide the child, rather to impose the father’s authority, and actually used to humiliate the child… One word sums up the aggressiveness, insensitivity, invulnerability and all the other attributes of the male macho figure: power.
Norma Fuller, Ph.D. (1998) of the Catholic University of Peru, tells us that “[Octavio] Paz has had a profound and lasting impact on all analysts who have tried to understand the problems of the masculine identity in this continent.” And further, following the same line of thought, sociologist Sonia Montecino (1992) explains: “The absence of the father figure empowers the maternal figure. This belittles the paternal figure in the child’s imagination. As he grows, [the Latin] child identifies home with a negative or absent father figure and a powerful maternal one. This reinforces the myth of the super mother and the irresponsible father.”
One of the areas that must be emphasized by preachers in the Latin world is the role of fathers as presented in the Bible. They must be made aware of their historic social tendencies, and then learn the biblical role God has established. Of course, the mother, school, church and society all play significant roles in the life of a child, however, we must emphasize the all-important impact a godly father has on his children.
Parental ideals
It’s significant to point out that the fifth commandment separates the role of the father from that of the mother. The commandment doesn’t say “honor your parents.” It separates these roles. First it says, “honor your father,” followed by the second command, “honor your mother.”
The moral collapse of the family is rooted in the failure of proper or correct parental ideals. Generally a father is expected to work to provide food, clothing, housing and education for the family. Often he’s also considered the “morality policeman” of his children. But, does he realize that as head of his household he represents God? In God’s family design the following duties rest squarely on a father’s shoulders (the role of the mother is one of loving reinforcement):
•Children will know God by the way their father loves God.
•Children will know right from wrong by their father’s actions.
•Children will learn obedience by the way their father obeys God.
•Children will learn respect by the way their father treats others.
•Children will learn the purity of love by the sincerity of their father’s love.
•Children will learn to respect women by the way their father treats and respects their mother.
•Children will learn to tell the truth when their father is a truthful man.
•Children will learn to love God when they see how their father loves Him.
•Children will become good men and women based on their father’s example.
•Children will become faithful Christians by following their father’s example.
In Hebrew, the word for parents, horim, is related to the word moreh, or “teacher.” God has given parents the responsibility to teach their children. Many fathers try to escape it by saying this is the responsibility of the mother, school or church. But Scripture makes it clear it’s the responsibility of both parents. This being the case, since the father is the leader of the household, he needs to take the lead:
•“And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders” (Deuteronomy 6:6-8).
•“Each generation tells of your faithfulness to the next” (Isaiah 38:19).
•“Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them” (Proverbs 13:24).
•“A youngster's heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it away” (Proverbs 22:15).
•“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
•“Then he put a little child among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, ‘Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me’” (Mark 9:36-37).
•“Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children’” (Luke 18:16).
I’m eternally grateful to God for giving me a father who recognized his responsibility and taught me not only God’s Word but how to be a man, a gentleman and how to follow Christ. By the way he loved my mother I learned how I should love and treat my wife. He was my faithful teacher and guide, first by his example and then by his excellent teachings.
Although we’ve emphasized the role of the father, we must remember that the emphasis of the fifth commandment actually falls on children. They must honor, respect, obey and love their parents.
Children are to honor their parents
Children normally ask, “Why should I honor Mom and Dad? They demand too much of me. They make too many rules. They never let us do what we want. They’re more like dictators than parents. If they really loved us, they’d give us more freedom.” For more than 4,000 years the Bible has been giving children the answers. Here’s a summary:
1.We must honor our parents so we can live a “long life,” says Exodus 20:12.
What has honoring parents got to do with living a long life? Perhaps children don’t tie these concepts together because their parents provide everything for them. Most are sheltered, for example, from financial struggles and hardships. It’s when they grow up and have to struggle for their own survival that they begin to appreciate what their parents did for them.
2.We must honor our parents so we can live a “full life,” says Deuteronomy 5:16.
When children accept their parents’ godly authority, the result is the family’s emotional stability. Conflict and opposition are replaced by peace. Under such circumstances parents teach their children, explain how the world functions, advise them on the dangers that threaten them, and create a protective shield around their home. Children who are lovingly taught and nourished learn to appreciate their parents’ wisdom. The result is a fuller, more rewarding life.
3.We must honor our parents because it’s “the right thing to do,” explains Ephesians 6:1.
When we speak of that which is “right” we refer to what’s correct and reasonable. The younger a child, the weaker his understanding of what is right. Consequently, he becomes rebellious in the face of discipline and parental demands. He’s too young to understand reasoning. Likewise, teenagers often don’t understand their parents’ restrictions.
I read the story of a young man who demanded his affluent father buy him a car for his 18th birthday. The father refused because he knew his son was a reckless driver. The son persisted until the father finally gave in. The very first day in his new car, the son tried to see how fast the car would go. He lost control, crashed into a tree and died. Although children may not understand or believe it, most parents set fair and reasonable rules because they love their children and want to protect them. Obedience, then, is the right response for children, even though they might not fully understand all the reasons.
4.We must honor our parents because it “pleases the Lord,” says Colossians 3:20.
We must recognize the family as one of God’s greatest creations. It started in the Garden of Eden and has survived the ages. Few things in this world are as special as a healthy family where husband and wife love each other, parents love their children, and children honor their parents. The divine purpose is accomplished as the family experiences God’s blessings and grace. There is love, peace, joy, happiness, and unity, and God is pleased.
God’s divine plan is that children honor their parents and that parents are honorable. Only when both parties follow God’s instructions do we see the type of families that enjoy God’s blessings.
Seek to live by God’s commandment
Families who lack the essential values discussed in this chapter are families that live on the border of chaos. It’s when God’s rules are disregarded that fathers become negligent and abusive and mothers live trapped in their struggles and sorrows. In such cases children live their lives not knowing what “normal” means. They grow up with distorted concepts of life, love, and the world. When they start their own families, they tend to repeat their parents’ mistakes, because it’s how they were taught. They live their dysfunctional lives believing they’re normal. What a contrast to healthy families who love God and are obedient to His laws. Sadly, children are most affected by the lack of biblical principles lived out by their parents.
I’ve been impressed by the way the apostle Paul gives instructions to Titus concerning the special way to help young people grow in their faith. He says:
And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us (Titus 2:7-8).
I’m convinced children, above all things, need living examples of what it means to follow Christ. As I think back on my childhood, the example of my father’s walk with God is what motivated me Christ-ward. The way he talked, prayed and lived, demonstrated to me that God was real, the Bible was true, and that happiness would be mine if I followed that example. No, my Dad was not perfect—a point he repeatedly made very clear to us as children—but we knew that the God he loved and served was perfect and totally worthy of our faith and devotion. Dad continually pointed us to the right and true source of life. As proof of the effectiveness of his example and teaching, all six of us children have followed and served God.
Children need to grow up knowing a parent’s love, care and protection. But more than that, they also need the biblical orientation that well-adjusted Christian parents can provide. I challenge you to make your home a happy and wonderful training center for your children. Give them the opportunity to grow up knowing the comfort, love and joy of a family where God is honored, trusted and obeyed. Surely this is the kind of environment God intended for all families. That’s why He commanded us all to “Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”