reading

Images

REACHING FORWARD MEDIA

Yes to Sex…Just Not Yet!

Requests for information should be addressed to:

REACHING FORWARD MEDIA

email@reachingforwardmedia.com

www.reachingforwardmedia.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Beckworth, Sam

Yes to Sex… Just Not Yet! a practical guide

to sexual integrity for young adults / Sam Beckworth

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated,

are taken from The Holy Bible, New King James Version®.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible,

2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan.

The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the

United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible,

Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.,

Scripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible

Scripture quotations marked MESSAGE are from The Message.

Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture quotations marked (AMP) are taken from the Amplified Bible,

by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible,

a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (GWT) are taken from GOD’S WORD®.

Scripture quotations marked NASB taken from the New American

1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation

Used by permission. www.lockman.org

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,

or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical,

photocopy, recording, or any other – except for brief quotations in printed

reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Cover Design by Dwelling Productions

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: 978-0-988817-67-8

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012923687

Published by Reaching Forward Media, Clovis, CA

Praise for

Yes to Sex… Just Not Yet!

from Singles and Ministry Leaders

Every teenager and young adult should read Yes to Sex. In our culture, where sexuality and sexual morality have been all but obliterated, Sam Beckworth communicates Biblical Truth in a culturally relevant, humorous and logical manner. After reading this book I believe that many teenagers and young adults will begin to understand that the Bible doesn’t exist to stifle their fun, but to enrich and deepen their lives and their relationships, as well as to protect them from the consequences of their own poor choices. Although written with teenagers and young adults in mind, I believe that every parent and youth worker should read this book as well. I can think of no better tool to help us to communicate the importance of sexual purity to the young people in our sphere of influence.

Bob Willis, Lead Pastor

Northpark Community Church

Fresno, CA

Pastor Sam did a great job of explaining why waiting for sex is worth it. I enjoyed this book! It’s very funny, easy to understand and doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable. It has lots of valuable information. Every teen and young adult should read it!

Olivia De La Cruz, Age 14

Porterville, CA

This book is a must read for every parent and teen! We will be passing it on to our teen to read. It’s full of great insight and wisdom. We highly recommend it!

David and Heather Cox, Parents

Clovis, CA

As a 33-year-old woman waiting for God’s best mate for me, this book greatly encouraged me that my commitment to sexual purity is going to lead to a blessed marriage and life. Through personal stories and the Word of God, Pastor Sam rips the seductive mask off of sexual perversion, exposing its true destructive intent for its victims. In a world devastated by compromise, sexual purity is possible and it does matter! Yes to Sex is a challenging and refreshingly honest book that every young person waiting for a godly marriage needs to read.

Pastor Nicole Avila

San Jose, CA

As a 24-year-old fresh out of college, I guess you could say I’ve gone through some temptations in search of the “right one.” Pastor Sam’s book not only offers great insight on how to live a godly life while being single, but also how to change your spiritual life from the inside out. Not many people can tackle a subject like this with humor and intellect as he does. Although the road ahead isn’t easy, I feel more determined than ever to take on this monster called lust. While I’ve personally struggled in several areas, this book spoke truth concerning my value and that God truly does have a purpose for me. I don’t have to live in constant shame. This book is an excellent read for young adults worried about the future and struggling to keep a pure life. Sam makes it clear that my value is found in God alone, and it is He alone I should seek to prepare myself for the one He has for me in the future!

Mitchell Robinson, Age 24

Newport Beach, CA

My wife and I have had numerous conversations as a result of reading this book. We both wish we had a book like this earlier on in life. We began our marriage later in life and can attest to the truths that Pastor Sam brings to light. He is anointed to bring this vital message to a generation that desperately needs to hear that purity is possible, even in the over-sexualized world we’re a part of.

Paul and Kimberly Haroutunian, M. Div., B.A.

Co-facilitator, Central Valley Youth Ministries Network

Fresno, CA

Every parent should buy this book! Our teen daughter read it and absolutely loved it. Not only did she enjoy reading it, she had a hard time putting it down. Having this book opened the door to conversations about sex and Godly conduct in dating and relationships. Our other kids will be reading this book as they enter their teen years, as well! Your home library won’t be complete until you get this book.

Marcus and Melina De La Cruz, Parents

Porterville, CA

In this book Sam shares an easy-to-read, easy-to-understand view of sex as God made it – a good and holy act designed for marriage. He touches on the topics and the scripture that young people need in order to understand God’s design, and intention, for sex. One of the few gifts we can bring to God is our obedience; Sam provides tools to help young men and women do just that in the area of sexuality. It will be a volume that will help many young people on their journey.

Ed Kaczmarek, Executive Director

Youth For Christ

Fresno/Madera, CA

This book is perfect for the young teenage girl and the single mom trying to lead by example. Fabulous book, will recommend to my friends and their teenagers…Might even have an extra copy for the teenage boy that wants to ask my daughter out.

B. Holt, Single Mom

Clovis, CA

Yes to Sex… Just Not Yet! was a pleasure to read. The combination of humor and scripture brought a fresh take to the idea behind Biblical principles in the sexual world. This book shows young people that God is not someone who desires for the human race to suffer as celibate people for the rest of our lives. It reveals that walking in the perfect divinity of God allows us as human beings to enjoy the splendors that were intended for a certain time in each of our lives.

Emily Fernandez, Age 20

Rocklin, CA

Sam’s book is a breath of fresh air! Too many books on sexuality for young adults are shaming or guilt-inducing. This message is absolutely pro-sex. It is healthy, encouraging and biblical. It encourages young people to stand up to the lie that “everyone is doing it”; and to those who have failed, it points the way to healing. If you are looking for a guide to navigate the twenty-first century minefield of sexual temptation and arrive whole to stand in front of your future husband or wife, this volume is just what you need.

Russell Willingham

Author of Breaking Free:

Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Healing Power of Jesus

Director, New Creation Ministries

Fresno, CA

I didn’t know what to expect, but was pleasantly surprised. In my opinion, this is the best book available on this important subject.

Amazon Reviewer and Dad

I really enjoyed how Sam was able to keep the point of the book serious, but also put in small bits of humor. It really did open my eyes. I was able to understand and realize that sex really isn’t something you need to be in a hurry for. It takes the right amount of patience and trust in God that what He has planned for you isn’t going to be all for nothing, but quite the opposite. Another thing I really enjoyed in the book was the short prayers written at the end of each chapter. I have the final prayer of chapter 12 saved in my notes on my phone. For me personally, I have a totally new and refreshed outlook on the whole sex idea. I know that if I’m just patient with God that He will reward me for putting my trust in Him.

Christian Lopez, Age 14

Hacienda Heights, CA

Yes to Sex is a biblical, practical and relevant book that will teach and equip you from the Word of God how to pursue and maintain sexual integrity. Written in a humorous and conversational tone, you will be entertained as you discover the truth about sex. If you’re a young adult, this book is written with love and wisdom to you and for you.

Pastor John Reeve, M.A Th.

The Movement Youth Ministry

The Cause Community Church

Brea, CA

Some ideas that stand out from this book to me are that sex is good and it is meant by God to be enjoyed. There is also a right time for this gift. Quite simply, it pays to wait. Sam’s book not only advocates this point, but makes you believe it yourself, and makes you want to live it.

Chet Frantzich, Age 25

Clovis, CA

Yes to Sex… Just Not Yet! is an insightful, entertaining and prophetic look at one of the most important issues our current generation is facing: sexual purity among believers. With amazing clarity, candor, humor and compassion, Pastor Sam Beckworth delivers a practical handbook for surviving and thriving as a single Christian in an age of tremendous temptations and confusion. This timely book will encourage you, help you and inspire you in your pursuit of sexual wholeness and victory.

David Cannistraci, PhD, Lead Pastor

Gateway City Church

San Jose, CA

Healing, encouragement and a good dose of humor: this book is exactly what Jesus has ordered for this generation. I have been privileged to mentor and lead many young women. Knowing that this book is available for young people looking for a “real life” way of beginning a journey of purity is awesome! To those that are reading this book looking for something different than the empty promises of this world or the disconnected advice from family or friends—know that what is in this book will not condemn you, but encourage and motivate you to get God’s best for you! It’s time to let go of the lies that have held you in confusion and be free, knowing that sex is good, just not yet!

Mrs. Elena Robles, Core Advisor Graduate

Teen Mania’s Honor Academy

Clovis, CA

In a world where “anytime sex” is being promoted to people everywhere, Pastor Sam brings the truth about sex and the hope of why we should wait until marriage.

Ron “Pup” Nelson, Central Valley Area Director

Fellowship of Christian Athletes, CA

Excellent, every parent should have one for the kids. This book should be taught in our public schools.

Jonathan G., Dad

This is a fun read. Sam is insightful, humorous, practical and devoid of guilt trips. It’s an easy read, loaded with simple wisdom tips for a great life and a future marriage, and what to do if you’ve done it all wrong!

Rick Godwin, Sr. Pastor/Founder

Summit Christian Center

San Antonio, TX

This book was not only encouraging in the way of viewing sex as holy, but also in believing that God has a specific person for me. It has been hard to believe that “my person” is still out there. I am now 28, and as that is not old, it can be frustrating trying to be patient for the plans of love and marriage that God has for my life. This book has encouraged me to keep holding on to the promises that God has given me in my future husband and to keep living in a way that is pleasing to God. This book is full of hope. The humor and personal stories makes the subject of sex feel holy and not sinful, when acted upon in God’s timing. At no time during reading it did I feel condemned or lectured. I think this book will reach those who have thus far been unreachable because of the condemning nature of other schools of thought out there.

Cynthia Schendel

Dinuba, CA

I’m amazed to see the wonderful gifts of the Lord at work in Sam. His ability to convey wisdom and biblical truth in his first book is one of many ways that God will use him in the future. Pastor Sam is an anointed communicator in teaching and preaching God’s Word. I’m very proud to call him pastor, teacher and my son-in-law, my Samuel-son.

Mike Rose, Father-in-Law

Clovis, CA

Images

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter 1	God and Sex: Original Intent
Chapter 2	No Cleavage “Till You Leave-age”: God’s Great Expectations: Be Holy
Chapter 3	Why Wait to Have Sex? A Great Question!
Chapter 4	What Happens in Vegas Doesn’t Stay in Vegas: Sexual Sin Runs Deep
Chapter 5	High Places and Strongholds: Everybody Ain’t Doing It
Chapter 6	Restoring Innocence: What to Do If You’re Already a Mess
Chapter 7	Resisting Sexual Sin - Part One: Practical: Think McFly, Think!
Chapter 8	Resisting Sexual Sin - Part Two: Spiritual: Weapons and Armor
Chapter 9	To My Brother from Another Mother: What a Guy Wants
Chapter 10	To My Sister from Another Mister: A Special Message for the Girls
Chapter 11	Preparing for “The Right One”: Letting God Build Your Dream for Marriage
Chapter 12	A Word to the Presently Engaged: Finish Your Race Well
Chapter 13	Speaking to the Gay Sex Issue: Gaining a Christlike Perspective

Dedication

To the love of my life, Kim: You always make it about me. Perhaps you take better care of me than I do of you. You put me first in every way. I know that I’m blessed and the fear of God helps me to keep in remembrance how good I have it with you. Besides God, your personal encouragement is my greatest fuel. My heart’s cry is to cherish and love you as a daughter of the King should be. I am blessed to have you and it is no secret that I married up. Thank you for being my gift, the wife of my youth, and my best friend. Thanks for your belief in me and this book. Obviously, I wouldn’t have written it if it wasn’t for you. By the way, thank God it’s done, right? It seemed like it took forever!

On a more book-appropriate note, thanks for letting me make up for all the times I didn’t have sex with you before marriage. I haven’t quite caught up but I’m sure in another 30 years or so the numbers will begin to even out. Let’s always be busy and stay busy getting busy. I will always and only be “intoxicated with your love.” It’s still yes to sex for you and me! Love you!

Acknowledgements

To Faith Summit Church: You are the most loyal, trusting and loving people any two could pastor. Thank you for supporting, cheering, praying for and believing in us. Love you! Thanks Randy and Julia for your special prayers and prophetic encouragement to get this book started and completed.

To the special people who financially supported this book: you know who you are. Thank you. You have no idea how much your faith in this project meant. May this book bless many in this generation and may God reward you for it!

Thanks to my brother Paul Beckworth and also to Kim Haroutunian for the help with editing. What a blessing and a lot of work for you! Thanks to Jeremy Hendrickson from Dwelling Productions for your design work on the cover, input and editing on the interior, including overall vision for this project. I don’t want anyone to know how many hours you donated towards this book. Did I just write that? Much appreciation Jeremy! Thanks also to all of you who pre-read the book, including your honest assessments and kind compliments. I sure appreciated your time I so willingly took from you! Thanks again and God bless.

My father-in-law, Mike Rose: You sacrificed everything for your family. I do not yet understand how a father can invest his whole life into his daughter, only to hand her off to a young man that gets to walk off with her at the altar for free! Thanks for letting me do that with your daughter. She’s my greatest gift from God. If I can do half the job you did with my two daughters, I would be considered a great success and a world class father.

My father is my hero. Dad, thanks for paying the raw and ugly price to be the spiritual pioneer in your family. Your sacrifice became my generational blessing. David said, “One generation shall praise Your works to another.” You made this passage a reality in our lives and it is now being transferred to my two daughters. What a great gift! You and Mom deserve the best. Thanks for being married for nearly fifty years. What a great testimony. Love you Dad and thanks again!

Foreword

by J. Lee Grady

I spend a lot of time encouraging men and women to break free from sexual addictions. At a men’s conference I sponsored in 2012 in Philadelphia, some of my friends took the stage and got gut-level honest about their temptations. I was so proud of their courage. Shay, a young father from Ohio, admitted that he was exposed to hard-core pornography when he was only five years old. He began modeling what he saw in X-rated videos when he was just six.

Another guy from Pennsylvania told the men in the audience that he began watching porn when he was a preteen—and this led him to sex with dozens of girls in high school. Until recently this man still battled the shame of his porn habit even though he was a lay leader in his church.

Jason, a youth pastor, preached to the men about how to reclaim purity in our sex-saturated culture. Like so many of the guys in our conference, Jason had been exposed to porn at a young age. His lust could not be satisfied by masturbation or kinkier videos, so his addiction drove him to seek out multiple girls for instant gratification. That’s where porn leads.

Meanwhile, at a women’s conference I sponsored a few months later, my wife and other friends prayed for a woman who had been raped by a boyfriend. She had never told anyone about her shameful experience, and she didn’t know how to break free from the slimy feeling of guilt that had paralyzed her. In the same meeting, we prayed for women who had undergone abortions because they lowered their guard and ended up in bed with guys they hardly knew. We also learned that young women today have been pulled into pornography— not just explicit videos but erotic books like 50 Shades of Gray. Women today are becoming slaves to sexual immorality.

Thankfully all the people we prayed for in these conferences eventually discovered the grace to escape the trap of sexual sin. Many of them are happily married today, and they’ve been freed from the shame of past failures. But I meet many Christians who are not so fortunate. A huge percentage of young people in church have given up trying to resist sexual temptation.

If you are one of those men or women who wears a fake smile when you go to church, pretending to be an “overcomer” when you really are a prisoner of lust, then please read this book. Then read it again. Read it three times if you still feel weak!

I am so thankful for my friend Sam Beckworth, who has spent so much time and effort writing this book for you. I believe it is one of the best resources available today on the subject of sexual temptation. Sam is very open about his own life, and he’s not afraid to be blunt about a topic that many of our parents were afraid to talk to us about.

After you have read this book, please remember to take these important steps to secure total freedom:

1. Spill your guts. The first step toward repentance is honesty, and it must be brutal. To repent means to turn 180 degrees, so this decision cannot be half-hearted. It’s not enough to whisper a quiet prayer under your breath. To break free from a life-controlling habit as powerful as lust, you must talk to someone else. And you should do it sooner, not later.

James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed” (NASB). I have prayed with many guys about their pornography addictions, and they have testified that the power of their sin broke the moment they admitted it. Sit down with someone (preferably a more mature Christian you know and trust) and put all your cards on the table. If you humble yourself, God will give you grace to change.

2. Get ruthless. Sin is deceitful. It loves to make up excuses such as, “No one knows about your habit, so it’s not hurting anyone,” “I deserve this little treat” or “I can play with fire and not get burned.” Don’t believe the lies. Esau sold his birthright for a bowl of soup, and many people today forfeit their relationship with God by compromising with sexual sin.

You can’t break free from a sexual habit by slowly backing away from it or taming it like a pet. The Bible tells us to “flee” from immorality (2 Tim. 2:22). You must lay the axe to the root of your problem. Cut off all access to porn or other forms of temptation. Say goodbye and slam the door in its face. And if you can’t stop looking at it on your phone or computer, get rid of your phone and computer!

3. Keep no secrets. Guys with sexual addictions usually struggle with constant shame. They can’t enjoy prayer or worship because they feel condemned. They can’t share their faith with others because they feel like hypocrites. And many Christians are so full of guilt they turn to alcohol or drugs to numb their pain.

It’s not enough to confess your sin once. You must stay in relationship with people who love you enough to confront you. Find one or two accountability partners and make a covenant with them to live transparently. And don’t wait until you fall to call for counsel. Contact them whenever you feel tempted. Send up a flare and ask for help before it’s too late.

4. Refocus your life on others. Lust is ultimately about self-gratification. When a young man gets hooked on porn, he can’t grow up emotionally. This is why some adult men in their 50s and 60s act like 13-year-olds when it comes to sex. They are stuck in perpetual puberty.

You will never break free from the bondage of sexual sin simply by gritting your teeth and trying to forget the images. You must totally redirect your energies toward serving others: your spouse, your children, your church and the needy people around you. Throw yourself into selfless ministry and starve your illegal urges.

5. Stay filled with the Spirit. None of these previous steps are possible without the Holy Spirit, who is our promised Helper (see John 14:16). Selfhelp is not the answer. Ask the Spirit to fill your life with His refining fire. He will go to the root of your unholy desires, burn up your lust and give you supernatural ability to resist temptation.

J. Lee Grady

Director, The Mordecai Project

Author, 10 Lies Men Believe

Images

Introduction

As a young adult you have a lot to deal with. I realize you already know that but perhaps it’s appreciated when someone identifies with the tough world you live in. There aren’t too many people these days that want to be in your shoes. Between the challenges of school and thoughts of the future, looking for a real friend, family drama and still, after all that, endeavoring to enter adulthood with some framework of character and fear of God, your life can probably get overwhelming. Let’s not even touch the larger than life issues like trying to find out who you are or fitting in. I do not want to make you feel any more insecure than you might feel already or predict a grim report about your future. I just think it’s important to recognize your life for what it is. You have a huge future ahead of you in God but you also face a legitimate uphill climb to reach it. Simply put, your life demands courage.

With that said, it is quite possible that sexual integrity isn’t necessarily a fight you will choose to take on. Christian or not, it may seem easier to live sexually active and not bother swimming against the current of sexual acceptance or even deal with the peer pressure of resisting. Your thoughts might be: “There are bigger things intimidating me right now and I’m not sure if I have the energy or vision to fight off this battle. I’ll just let whatever happens happen—and pay the price later and hope for God’s mercy. Maybe He can help me fix whatever problems I might create now through sexual activity later after I’m married.” I don’t condemn you for thinking that way sometimes. Besides, you’re probably one of the many young adults who loves God and wants to do what’s right. If you could snap your fingers and remain sexually inactive until you marry the right one I’m sure you would. Although it doesn’t work that way, perhaps if you at least had some helpful tools and enough inspiration, you would probably give Biblical sexual purity a real shot. Well, I believe that God has a message for you to hear and my hope is that some of those helpful tools will be found in this book.

Several years ago the Lord impressed something on my heart about young adults and sex. These were His words as I believe I heard them, “I want to get My information to them about sex before the world, the flesh and the devil gives their information to them.” Although that might seem impossible, know for certain that God has a lot of good things to say to you concerning sex and your future spouse. In fact, although it may be hard to believe, God knows how to speak your language. God truly values the distinct cry of your heart and desires to answer you in a way that you can understand and through which you can feel validated. God loves you. He wants you to personally know He respects you and that He identifies with your life on every level. The Lord is not forty galaxies away from you. He is very near to you, wants to bless you and have the bragging rights on your life. I know you want that, too.

Obviously the message I believe the Lord wants to share with you in this book has to do with sex and both the excitement and vision of marrying the person He set aside for you. My hope is that after reading this book you would be encouraged and choose to fight the battle for your sexual integrity. My prayer is that you would see God’s heart for you and catch His vision for this huge part of your destiny. Maybe then it would become your passionate desire to pursue His will and experience His best for your life. Yes to Sex…Just Not Yet! is part of that plan. On an even higher level this book has to do with inviting the One who is worthy to receive a greater place of worship and rulership in your heart.

The content you are about to read is pretty straightforward and clear. Yes, God commands us to stay away from all forms of sexual immorality and yet He also commands His blessing on our lives. With those two things in mind I encourage you to do your best not to feel condemned or intimidated by any part of this book, especially if you haven’t lived a sexually perfect life. We can beat ourselves up pretty good for our own mistakes so we don’t need any extra help. At the same time I don’t want you to limit your ability, nor the ability of God in you, to live holy before God in your generation. You were created to soar. Get back up if you’ve stumbled. Dream big and take on the challenge to live above the present culture of sexual compromise. Embrace the grace of God to both live in His mercy, if you mess up, and in His power to live the high life in Christ. You were not created to be enslaved to anything or anyone except for the One who died and now lives to make you free in every way.

Sexual integrity according to the Bible is not about perfectionism. Just as easily as Christians can get sloppy and loose in this area, the best of us, on the flip side, can get legalistic and critical. We won’t do well in either extreme. God simply wants your whole heart. God loves and wants the real you, both when you’re at your best, and when you’re at your worst. He wants you to welcome Him in every part of your life, including that part of you concerning sex, relationships and future marriage. God sees your desire to please Him and your passion to reach for Him in this area. You wouldn’t be reading this book right now if it weren’t true.

Again, God’s will is your sexual purity; but thankfully His way is always best. His instructions are for our benefit. His heart is for our good. Therefore this God-journey is intended to bless you. May this book be fuel for your specific and adventurous journey. I hope you laugh a lot. I hope you feel the love of God. I pray you would, with God’s help, be healed from any sexual sin, compromise or rejection you may have already encountered. I pray God would introduce Himself to you in a great and new way. If there’s just one thing in this book that speaks to your life and adds value to you, then it’s worth it. I would be honored to have been a part of your life in that way.

You are special to God. Your desire for sex and marriage is God-given. He understands you and is bringing you into a place of significance and fulfillment. May you get and stay on His course for your life. Hold on for His best. It’s worth any short term sacrifice.

“For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].” (Ephesians 2:10, AMP)

God bless and enjoy.

Your brother and comrade in battle,

Sam

Chapter 1 God and Sex

Original Intent

Let me start by saying clearly that sex is God’s idea and you are absolutely in His will for wanting to have it. God invented sex. God designed sex. God created sex. Nothing is wrong with you for thinking about sex. Actually, much is right with you. You should be looking forward to marriage for the sole purpose of having sex. Genesis chapters one and two could easily say in so many words, “In the beginning God created sex and saw that it was, indeed, very good.”

Sex is your gift from God and it is imperative that you hear and believe that sex is good in the mind of God. He’s not shy, uncomfortable or insecure about it. He’s not mad about it. He’s not unclear, silent or unsure about it. He’s not intimidated by it. So what’s the problem? Well, the challenge is not on His side. Rather, God and sex are both greatly misunderstood, even among Christians. Although this is unfortunate, this reality truly needs to be challenged and changed, especially in the minds of young adults. We’re beginning a great journey right now, so let’s get started.

Negativity Surrounding the Sex Topic

Sex is a dirty word to many Christian young people. At a minimum, the sex topic in the minds of most upcoming adolescents is shrouded with mystery and pre-conceived negativity. This was the case with me back in the fourth grade. For some reason I had this idea that babies were conceived “naturally.” I thought a woman just conceived whenever the timing was right. I mean, you get married and at some point a wife gets pregnant. I was somehow convinced it was just an automatic event. I figured the process couldn’t have been as miraculous as the Immaculate Conception where Jesus was conceived in the womb of a virgin but the principle was pretty close. But while at school, my classmate Camille Johnson showed me in a Webster’s dictionary how the whole sex thing went down. I absolutely could not believe it. I was floored, disappointed, indignant and offended all at the same time.

First, I thought I already knew how babies were conceived. In the fourth grade you don’t want to be proven wrong about anything. Secondly, I was convinced that sex was somehow dirty. I knew about the sexual act, barely, but I was overwhelmingly persuaded that sex was sinful, wrong and forged and created by the dark lord Sauron. I couldn’t imagine that Charles and Caroline Ingalls from “Little House on the Prairie” were having sex to give birth to Half Pint. Charles was too godly. There’s no way my parents had sex one time let alone seven to give birth to me and my six siblings. My dad was a deacon in the Assembly of God church! No way. So, I came up with a new theory. There are now two ways that children were conceived instead of one. First, there was the natural way—God’s way; and secondly there was the dirty way—the devil’s way, as shown to me in the Webster’s Dictionary by my demonized classmate.

How ridiculous, right? But here’s the point: why in the world did I consider the definition of sexual intercourse as wrong? Where did I ever get the idea that babies came without sexual activity?

For some reason there was an inherent idea in my mind that sex was negative. It was already embedded in my thinking. Although at this point my dad and I had not had the sex talk, in their defense my parents certainly never taught me to believe anything like this. In other words, although I was untaught about the subject, I was not wrongly taught. My brain was just kind of made up for me. I had no real basis for my assumptions.

What If God Was One of Us?

God is without argument the most misunderstood and mischaracterized Person in the world. People have this preconceived idea that God is mad, stingy and moody, if not non-existent altogether. Again, I grew up in church my whole life with good parents. However, I was fairly convinced deep down that God was irritated with me most of the time. Actually, I was pretty sure He was fed up with most of the people most of the time. Yes, He let out His entire wrath on His Son at the Cross but I was fairly certain He saved one last backhand especially for me. The problem was that I was never really sure when He was going to let me have it. Talk about breeding some insecurity!

Sure, there’s some humor there, but it’s reality for many Christians. Yet, God is not mad, unstable, or distant. He does not bring earthquakes to teach people a lesson. The idea that God is an angry God is a wrong viewpoint of Christian culture. God is good. God is light. God is love. Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of Lights (James 1:17). God is consistent, faithful and trustworthy. He does not hate the world. God loves the world. God is not mad at you. God loves you. Yes, it’s very true that God is powerful and hates sin. Yet, He primarily demonstrates His power in order to destroy sin over our lives to bring us into a place of freedom and relationship with Him. Goodness is His nature. Love is who He is. He richly gives us all things to enjoy, including sex.

God Is Good: Sex Is Good – That’s Good News

Therefore, concerning God and sex, much of our wrong thinking and preconceived notions need to be undone. Most of us had our minds made up for us by the culture in which we were born. It does seem the norm that many untruths are inherited by the environment we live in. However the real danger is that any untruth we do not challenge is the lie we will be ruled by.

I was sexually aroused every day in the seventh grade! The girls in the eighth grade were quite different than the girls in the sixth grade. It was a miracle I didn’t fall off the deep end. I thought I was a filthy pervert for all of the sexual thoughts and desires going on inside of me. Thank God during that year my dad gave me some help. He began to consistently tell me and my brothers, “Sex is good and God made it.” He had seven kids so I figured he meant what he said. The second thing he did was give me an article written by Dr. James Dobson. It was directed to the young male adolescent who was going through the wild rush of change I was going through. Basically Dr. Dobson wrote that if you want to have sex then you are exactly where you should be. I thought, “What?!” He didn’t stop there either. He went on to describe, respectfully, the intense pleasure of consummating the sexual act of intercourse. Wow! I wasn’t some freak or sexual pervert. I was on the map now.

What a simple article; but how profound, and what an impact it made on me. Dr. Dobson illuminated me to the heart of our Creator and His original intent for sex. Also, the sense of validation I felt from God and my own father concerning my newfound sexual desire was huge because it spoke value to me at a most critical time in my life. As a young man in middle school I now knew that God made sex and it was good. These simple truths my dad directed me toward carried me a long way during my many sex-less years. They can for you too.

Original Intent

If you have some “stinkin’ thinkin’” about God and sex, then the rest of this chapter will hopefully begin to bring some clarity. In order for us to understand the intent of something and to unlearn nuttiness, then we must go back to the owner’s manual. For Christians that would be the Bible. Yes, young brother and sister, it would be good to read it and devour it. You don’t need to wait until you’re old and have nothing better to do. To add some incentive, please understand that the Scriptures have much to say about sex and the nature of the Author.

According to the Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary, “genesis” is defined as the “origin of something.”¹ So, if you want find the origin of sex, go ahead and look at the book of Genesis before sin and the fall of man. The first two chapters say volumes concerning the nature of God and the blessing of sex. God makes His intent known rather quickly.

Here is what we see in a brief flurry of events: God spent five days making a perfect world and said, “It is good!” God spent day six making mankind and said, “It is very good!” God blesses Adam and puts him right in the middle of the awesome garden. Consider that God purposefully created everything first so that all would be ready for Adam once he opened his eyes for the first time. God gave Adam everything, including authority and power. He made Adam the boss of the earth under God’s divine order. Adam said, “My life is good… really good!” Anyway, the point is, note God’s wonderful nature and His heart to greatly bless his son. Next scene please:

This Girl Named Woman and This Guy Called Man

Now we’re getting somewhere! Are you ready? God then creates the first woman. She is altogether perfect: in spirit, in soul, and yes, in body. The Bible says that God “brought her” to the man. Wow. What a moment that must have been: Adam was so overwhelmed that he prophesied her name!

Would you like to guess what happens next? They have sex. We see in verse twenty four that the Holy Spirit, the Author of the Holy Bible, states what transpires: They became one flesh

Praise for

Yes to Sex… Just Not Yet!

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Foreword

by J. Lee Grady

Introduction

Chapter 1

God and Sex

Original Intent