APPENDIX I:
Court Order Instructions & Sample Court Order
INSTRUCTIONS FOR COURT ORDERS
(NEW WAYS)
The attached Court Order for Counseling (New Ways) is designed to give parents, counselors and attorneys complete instructions for the New Ways for Families method. Each step has been carefully designed to contain and reduce unnecessary conflict, while helping each parent focus on strengthening their own skills for parenting, dealing with the other parent, and making decisions. It gives parents clear deadlines to complete each step of the process. You are encouraged to use this order as written as much as possible. Following are some specific explanations to assist with the order:
Findings: First, parents and their lawyers, if any, should be encouraged to stipulate to this counseling method, so that they will be more committed. However, if one or both parties object, the court should proceed to make the necessary findings under state and local rules to allow for court-ordered counseling.
Individual Parent Counselor: Each parent should choose a counselor trained in the New Ways method from the current court list or from www.NewWays4Families.com. The Individual Parent Counseling is designed to be totally confidential, so the client can focus solely on counseling rather than trying to engage the counselor in the court action.
Parent-Child Counselor: The court should name the Parent-Child Counselor in the order from the current court list or from www.NewWays4Families.com. This counselor should be someone with substantial family court experience. This counselor does not write a report or make any recommendations, but may testify about observations of the parents with their children, so long as the parents sign proper releases.
Interim Hearing Date: In cases in which temporary No Contact or Supervised Visitation has been ordered, an interim hearing can take place after the first 6 weeks of Individual Parent Counseling to re-evaluate whether the temporary order should be revised.
Efforts to Settle or Mediate: The parents should be encouraged to settle all of their parenting issues after the New Ways counseling, as they should have more skills and motivation. If possible, the use of court-required mediation (FCS) should occur after rather than before the counseling. A hearing date should be set to provide motivation, which could be cancelled later.
Recommended Deadlines for New Ways Court Orders:
The date the order is issued is "Day 1":
#4. Individual Counseling completed by
____________[7 weeks after Day 1]
#5. Interim Hearing Date (if needed–see above)
____________[8 weeks after Day 1]
#10. Parent-Child Counseling completed by
____________[13 weeks after Day 1]
#12. Court mediation completed by
____________[14 weeks after Day 1]
#13. Next court hearing on
____________[18 weeks after Day 1]
TELL PARENTS TO CALL NEW WAYS OFFICE
FOR INSTRUCTIONS 619-209-7796.
--- SAMPLE COURT ORDER ---
The following is a Sample Case Example of the Court Order. Blank Court Orders can be found on the New Ways website. State laws and local rules should be reviewed for the applicability of this counseling order. High Conflict Institute, LLC does not warrant that this order is sufficient or appropriate for use in any specific state.
SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA FOR THE COUNTY OF SAN DIEGO
In re the Matter of: | Case No. D 9119111 |
Petitioner: SARA TURELL and | COURT ORDER FOR COUNSELING ("NEW WAYS") UNDER FC§3190 |
Respondent: BRAD TURELL | DATE: January 28, 2009 TIME: 9:00am DEPT: F-27 |
______Based upon the agreement of the parties, the court hereby makes the following Orders:
Upon good cause shown, the court hereby makes the following Findings and Orders:
FINDINGS (Not necessary if agreement by the parties):
1. The dispute between the parents poses a substantial danger to the best interest of the child, and counseling is in the best interest of the child, for
the following reason(s):
____ Mother is requesting restricted parenting for Father ____________.
2. The financial burden created by this court order for counseling does not
otherwise jeopardize a party's other financial obligations, because of the
following reason(s):
____ Both parents' financial forms show sufficient income for this counseling ________.
INDIVIDUAL PARENT COUNSELING
1. Mother and father shall each participate in six (6) counseling sessions of 45-60 minutes each with a licensed mental health professional using the New Ways for Families Parent Workbook. Each parent shall contact a separate Individual Parent Counselor trained in the New Ways method within seven (7) days. When the six (6) sessions have been completed and the Parent Workbook has been completed, each parent shall provide a copy of their counselor's signed Verification of Completion to the court and the opposing party/attorney.
2. The Individual Parent Counseling described above shall be paid for by:
Each parent shall pay for his or her own counseling.
______ Father/Mother shall pay the cost of the counseling for both parents.
______ Father/Mother shall advance the cost of the counseling for both par
ents, reserving the final allocation of the cost to the court.
3. The Individual Parent Counseling described above shall be Confidential. The Individual Parent Counselor shall never submit any letter, declaration or document (other than the Verification of Completion of the Individual Parent Counseling) to the court, nor testify in court, subject to rare exceptions by law. Said Counselor shall not communicate with any other professional involved in the case, except by written agreement of both parties after each has attended at least 4 sessions.
4. The counseling described above shall be completed by: March 18, 2009.
5. Interim Hearing Date (if temporary No Contact or Supervised Parenting orders):
March 25, 2009____________.
PARENT-CHILD COUNSELING
6. Mother and father shall each participate in three (3) parent-child counseling sessions with their child/ren of 45-90 minutes each with a shared licensed mental health professional using the New Ways for Families Parent Workbook. The parties shall specifically use: Mr. Desjardins as their Parent-Child Counselor or a Parent-Child Counselor selected by the parties/counsel trained in the New Ways method.
7. The parents shall alternate Parent-Child Counseling Sessions approximately each week. Both parents shall complete Session #1, before either parent attends Session #2. Both parents shall complete Session #2, before either parent attends Session #3. When the three (3) sessions have been completed and the Parent-Child Counseling section of the Parent Workbook has been completed by each parent, he or she shall provide a copy of their Parent-Child Counselor's signed Verification of Completion to the court and to the opposing party/attorney.
8. The Parent-Child Counseling described above shall be paid for by:
Each parent shall pay for his or her own counseling.
______ Father/Mother shall pay the cost of the counseling for both parents.
______ Father/Mother shall advance the cost of the counseling for both par
ents, reserving the final allocation of the cost to the court.
9. The Parent-Child Counseling described above shall be Non-Confidential, subject to state laws. The counselor may discuss the case with the Attorney of Record for each party, Minor's Counsel, a jointly selected Mediator, an appointed High-Conflict Case Manager, and/or Collaborative Team members. The Parent-Child Counselor may be called to testify, describe observations, and produce counseling records, if called as a witness by either party or the court, subject to the court's discretion. The counselor shall not submit a written report or recommendations. The counselor shall not serve as an expert in the case.
10.The counseling described above shall be completed by: April 29, 2009 .
DOCUMENTS FOR COUNSELORS
11.Each parent shall provide a 2-page Behavioral Declaration and a 2-page
Reply Behavioral Declaration to the other party and to his or her Individual Parent Counselor and the Parent-Child Counselor, along with copies of all related parenting Court Orders, including this Order, at leasttwo business days prior to the first day of counseling. Each party shallprovide copies of the other parent's Behavioral Declaration and ReplyBehavioral Declaration to his or her Individual Parent Counselor promptlyupon receipt. Neither party shall provide any additional court documentsto the counselors. The counselors shall not request any additional courtdocuments. Each party shall provide copies of his or her own Behavioral Declaration and Reply Behavioral Declaration to the Parent-ChildCounselor at least ten calendar days prior to the first day of either party'sParent-Child Counseling.
NEXT HEARING
12.Whether or not both parties have completed the counseling described above, there shall be a Family Court Services or private recommending mediation by May 6. 2009 .
13. There shall be a hearing on June 3, 2009 , unless the parties have reached a full, written agreement on all issues before the court.
PARENT INSTRUCTIONS
14.The parents shall immediately contact the New Ways for Families office to obtain instructions, current referral lists and to answer any questions at 619-209-7796.
THE FOREGOING IS STIPULATED TO BY:
Date________________ __________N/A________________
Date________________ __________N/A________________
Date________________ __________N/A________________
Date________________ __________N/A________________
IT IS SO ORDERED:
Date:_____________
Alan B. Clements
Judge of the Superior Court
APPENDIX II:
Out-of-Court Agreement
Agreement to Use
New Ways for Families
We, the undersigned, hereby agree to use the New Ways for Families method to help our children develop resilience and to help us with our parenting plan.
We agree to the following specific terms:
1. To participate in at least six Individual Counseling sessions which are focused on the material and exercises provided in the New Ways for Families' Parent Workbook.
2. To obtain our workbooks prior to the first Individual Parent Counseling session, to write all of the exercises in the New Ways Parent Workbook when instructed, and to discuss them with our Counselors.
3. To complete the six New Ways Individual Parent Counseling sessions by__________
4. To participate in at least three Parent-Child Counseling sessions with our child/ren which are focused on the material and exercises provided in the Parent Workbook.
5. To complete the three New Ways Parent-Child Counseling meetings by__________
6. That the New Ways Individual Parent Counseling Sessions shall be confidential from all professionals and the court, subject to state law reporting requirements.
7. That the New Ways Parent-Child Counseling Sessions are intended to be non-confidential among professionals and the court, subject to the understanding that this is a voluntary decision and that separate signed releases are still necessary.
8. To make our best efforts to use flexible thinking, managed emotions, and moderate behaviors in our communication with each other, in making our decisions and in parenting our children.
Signature:_____________________
Name:_______________________
Date:________________________
Signature:_____________________
Name:_______________________
Date:________________________
APPENDIX III:
Parent Instructions &
Sample Behavioral Declarations
PARENT INSTRUCTIONS
DEAR PARENT:
You are going to be using New Ways for Families, a new method for handling separation and divorce issues. New Ways is designed to provide you and your children with skills for resilience during this time of significant change in your family, before making big decisions. It does not require you to have contact with the other parent at any time, however that is an option. New Ways has 4 basic steps:
Step 1: Getting Started, which includes signing a stipulation to participate in New Ways and/or getting a court order to participate in New Ways, including the appointment of a Parent-Child Counselor.
• Go to www.NewWays4Families.com and click on "For Families" where you will find everything you need to complete this program, including Forms and Instructions.
• First, select and contact an Individual Parent Counselor of your choosing from the New Ways Counselor List.
• Second, print and complete the Behavioral Declaration Form (instructions available on the website)
• Purchase the Parent Workbook
Step 2: Individual Counseling, which includes 6 sessions with your own confidential counselor. Take the Parent Workbook he Parent Workbook This counseling includes a Parent Workbook, which you will write in during your sessions and possibly before and after your sessions.
Step 3: Parent-Child Counseling, which includes 3 sessions each with you and your child/ren (alternating weeks with the other parent over 6 weeks). You and the other parent share the same non-confidential counselor. You will each have your own Parent Workbook for these sessions. This counselor does not write a report or make recommendations, but can report observations to the court, if necessary.
Step 4: Family (or Court) Decision-making, which includes settlement negotiations for a new parenting plan with the assistance of professionals if possible, such as attorneys or a mediator. If you are unable to settle the case, then the court will make decisions for you at your next hearing.
BEST WISHES!
BEHAVIORAL DECLARATIONS
INSTRUCTIONS
Behavioral Declarations provide your New Ways Counselors with brief information about the three most serious concerns each parent has about the other's parenting skills. Reply Behavioral Declarations indicate whether each parent agrees or not with the concerns of the other. These help the counselors help the parents, by knowing the issues from each parents point of view, and how much agreement or disagreement there is.
These are the only declarations which may be seen by the New Ways Counselors in your case. In preparing these two declarations, you are encouraged to seek the assistance of a lawyer trained in New Ways for Families, to help you provide the most useful information and possibly to help settle your case. A list of lawyers trained in New Ways is available at www.NewWays4Fatnilies.com or 619-209-7796 or ask your lawyer.
The following instructions will help you prepare these declarations:
A) What to write in your Behavioral Declaration:See the first attached blank form for headings about what to write. You can use this form. It should be no longer than 2 pages. Your Behavioral Declaration should describe specific behaviors that are a concern for you about the other parent, strengths of the other parent, and what you are requesting regarding parenting plans.
B) Provide to Individual Counselor 2 business days before your counseling begins: Behavioral Declarations and any related parenting court orders should be provided to your Individual Parent Counselor at least 2 business days before your first counseling session. A copy of your Behavioral Declaration should also be provided at least 2 business days before your first session to the other parent (to give to his or her Individual Parent Counselor).
C) What to write in your REPLY Behavioral Declaration: See the second attached blank form for headings about what to write. This should be only 2 pages. Explain whether you Agree or Disagree (and why not) with what the other parents concerns are about your parenting behavior, and any changes in your requests regarding parenting plans.
D) Provide 5 business days after receiving other parent's Behavioral Declaration: REPLY Behavioral Declarations should be provided to your Individual Parent Counselor no more than 5 business days after you receive the other parent's Behavioral Declaration. A copy of your REPLY Behavioral Declaration should also be provided on the same day to the other parent (to give to his or her Individual Parent Counselor).
E) Provide to Parent-Child Counselor 10 calendar days before Parent-Child Counseling begins: Provide your Behavioral Declaration, your Reply Behav ioral Declaration and any related parenting court orders to the Parent-Child Counselor at least 10 calendar days before your first Parent-Child Counseling session.
F) Do Not File With Court: The purpose of these declarations is to inform the counselors of your concerns, strengths, agreements or disagreements, and requests. They should not be filed with the court. Consult with an attorney if you have any questions.
WILLIAM BENJAMIN
Attorney at Law
P. O. Box 70067
San Diego, California 92167
Telephone: (619)555-1234
Facsimile: (619)555-1235
Attorney for SARA TURELL
[SAMPLE]
SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA FOR THE COUNTY OF SAN DIEGO
In re the Matter of: | Case No. 911911 |
SARA TURELL and BRAD TURELL | BEHAVIORAL DECLARATION OF SARA TURELL |
Date of Marriage/Living Together: | October 1,1997 |
Date of Separation: | January 3, 2009 |
Children's names and dates of birth: | Thomas Turell, DOB: October 17, 1999 Tara Turell, DOB: May 11, 2002 |
MOTHER'S 3 STRONGEST CONCERNS ABOUT FATHER'S PARENTING
1. On January 18, 2009, Brad hit our son, Tommy, age 10, with a belt on his buttocks, because Tommy would not do his homework. Brad did this once before two years ago. Each time he was arguing with Tommy about doing his homework. Tommy was tearful when he described this to me after the weekend at his father's. I called Brad and tried to discuss this with him, but he told me to mind my own business. I am concerned that he will do this again and again, now that I am not around when he has the children.
2. On January 24, 2009, Brad came to our house (he had not been served with the TRO yet). He pounded on the front screen door, yelling that he wanted to see his children. He pounded so hard that the screen door fell off its hinge. The children and I were frightened for our lives. I called the police. They came and issued a 5-day protective order. They told him to leave immediately and he did.
3. On several occasions over the years, including one month before we separated, Brad told Tommy that he has to spend time on a woodworking project with his father. When Tommy shows that he is not interested, his father still requires him to do this. Tommy feels pressured to do these projects and I am concerned that he will just go along with his father and not be allowed to develop his academic interests in my absence. Brad is a janitor with a high school education, while I have a Master's Degree.
II. MOTHER'S VIEW OF FATHER'S 3 BEST STRENGTHS
1. Brad encourages Tommy to stick up for himself if anyone picks on him at school.
2. When Tommy was 9, Brad took him on a camping trip with two other friends and their sons. He taught Tommy how to tie different kinds of knots.
3. Brad wants Tommy and Tara to go to college after they graduate high school.
III. MOTHER'S PARENTING REQUESTS
1. I strongly request that the court make the Temporary Restraining Orders permanent, so that Brad stays away from my house and from the children, except during his supervised parenting time. He has said that he can come over whenever he wants to.
2. I would like Brad to have supervised visitation with Tommy, to protect him from being hit with a belt. I would like this supervised visitation to occur during the daytime on Saturdays. The rest of the time Tommy would be with me.
3. Brad should have to attend a parenting class and an anger management class.
Date: 1/30/09 Sara Turell
SARATURELL, Petitioner
There should be no attachments. Provide this to your Individual Counselor and the other parent, after you receive the other parent's Behavioral Declaration. This should not be filed with the court.
BRAD TURELL
In Propia Persona
123 Maple Street
San Diego, California 92103
Telephone: (619)123-4567
Attorney for BRAD TURELL, In Propia Persona
[SAMPLE]
SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA FOR THE COUNTY OF SAN DIEGO
In re the Matter of: | Case No. 911911 |
SARA TURELL and BRAD TURELL | BEHAVIORAL DECLARATION OF BRAD TURELL |
Date of Marriage/Living Together: | October 1,1997 |
Date of Separation: | January 3, 2009 |
Children's names and dates of birth: | Thomas Turell, DOB: October 17, 1999 Tara Turell, DOB: May 11, 2002 |
FATHER'S 3 STRONGEST CONCERNS ABOUT MOTHER'S PARENTING
1. On three different days, before I moved out, Sara told the children that the divorce "is all your father's fault." She also yelled at me in front of the children that they "would be better off if they never saw their father again." The children seemed very uncomfortable after she said these things.
2. She called Child Protective Services on me when I hit Tommy with my belt. I did that two years ago, and she did nothing. I am convinced that she will do anything to push me out of the children's lives and get her way.
3. She cries a lot in front of the children and it worries them. Then they blame it on me. But it's her own fault. She makes herself upset. She's very dramatic and I'm afraid it will affect the children if they spend too much time with her.
FATHER'S VIEW OF MOTHER'S 3 BEST STRENGTHS
1. Sara is good at shopping for the children. She knows what looks good on them.
2. Sara is better at helping them with their homework, but I am learning.
3. Sara wants Tommy and Tara to go to college after they graduate high school.
FATHER'S PARENTING REQUESTS
1. I would like to have the restraining order removed. I have never hit Sara and she has never claimed I did. I will not hit Tommy with a belt again. This only happened two times ever. My father did that with me and now it is clear it is not allowed anymore.
2. I would like to have the children 50% of the time. I had more than that while Sara was getting her Master's degree.
3. I would like Sara to get some counseling, as she cries and yells a lot.
Date: 1/30/09 BRAD Turell
BRAD TURELL, Respondent
There should be no attachments. Provide this to your Individual Counselor and the other parent, after you receive the other parent's Behavioral Declaration. This should not be filed with the court.
WILLIAM BENJAMIN
Attorney at Law
P. O. Box 70067
San Diego, California 92167
Telephone: (619)555-1234
Facsimile: (619)555-1235
Attorney for SARA TURELL
[SAMPLE]
SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA FOR THE COUNTY OF SAN DIEGO
In re the Matter of: | Case No. 911911 |
SARA TURELL and BRAD TURELL | REPLY BEHAVIORAL DECLARATION OF BRAD TURELL |
MOTHER'S AGREEMENT/DISAGREEMENT WITH FATHER'S CONCERNS
1. Father's Concern #1 : I agree that I said the divorce was Brad's fault and that the children would be better off if they never saw him again. But I was telling them the truth, which is very important to me. I want the children to grow up being very honest.
2. Father's Concern #2: Two years ago, after Brad hit Tommy with his belt the first time, I told him to never do it again. I didn't call Child Protective Services then, because I didn't know about them then. He didn't do it again until we separated. Now I'm more concerned it will happen again and again.
3. Father's Concern #3: I do not agree that I cry and yell a lot in front of the children. Divorce is an upsetting time and anyone would cry and yell some. I do not believe that I am any more emotional than anyone else would be and I do not need counseling.
II: REVISED PARENTING REQUESTS: None
Date: 2/4/09 Sara Turell
SARATURELL, Petitioner
There should be no attachments. Provide this to your Individual Counselor and the other parent, after you receive the other parent's Behavioral Declaration. This should not be filed with the court.
BRAD TURELL
In Propia Persona
123 Maple Street
San Diego, California 92103
Telephone: (619)123-4567
Attorney for THOMAS TURELL, In Propia Persona
[SAMPLE]
SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA FOR THE COUNTY OF SAN DIEGO
In re the Matter of: | Case No. 911911 |
SARA TURELL and BRAD TURELL | REPLY BEHAVIORAL DECLARATION OF BRAD TURELL |
I. FATHER'S AGREEMENT/DISAGREEMENT WITH MOTHER'S CONCERNS
1. Mother's Concern #1: I agree that I hit Tommy with my belt when he wouldn't do his homework last month. I agree that I should not do that. I did that once two years ago, and no one called it abuse or called Child Protective Services. Now that it is clearly not allowed, I will never do it again. I have never been accused of abusing our children before. When I picked up the children that weekend, Sara made a big fuss about making sure that Tommy did his homework. I felt a lot of pressure to get him to do it. I shouldn't have let her get to me that way and I don't think it will ever happen again.
2. Mother's Concern #2: I do not agree that I was threatening Sara's and the children's lives when I was knocking on the front screen door. It has been in need of repair for a long time, so it was not surprising that it fell off its hinge. I was frustrated that she was not answering the door. I did not know about the restraining order and left right away when the police gave it to me. I do not think that I need an anger management class.
3. Mother's Concern #3: I do not agree that I pressure Tommy to do woodworking projects with me. He really enjoys doing them with me. It's something I have to offer him, even though I do not have as much education as their mother. When he does not want to work on woodworking, I let him do something else.
II. REVISED PARENTING REQUESTS
I would like to add that Sara should be ordered to tell the children that she was not in fear for her life when I knocked on the door. She has never been afraid of me and never before accused me of any abuse of her or the children, except for the belt incident. This is another example of her exaggerated crying and yelling.
I declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the State of California that the foregoing is true and correct.
Date: 2/5/09 BRAD Turell
BRAD TURELL, Respondent
There should be no attachments. Provide this to your Individual Counselor and the other parent, after you receive the other parent's Behavioral Declaration. This should not be filed with the court.
APPENDIX IV:
New Ways for Families Network
New Ways for Families Network of Professionals
New Ways for Families maintains a Network of professionals who have completed the New Ways training. Professionals and organizations who join the Network will be listed on the New Ways website as a New Ways-provider, will receive discounts on New Ways materials, and will receive a newsletter for professionals, with comments, tips, suggestions, and success stories from other jurisdictions. High Conflict Institute and New Ways for Families provide consultation services for Network professionals as well.
New Ways for Families Counselor Referral Lists
Counselors who wish to join the New Ways Network and be listed on the website must satisfy the following requirements:
(1)complete the required training, depending the model to be used;
(2) complete the Licensing Agreement and New Ways Website Listing Form; and
3. provide a copy of a current license and current malpractice insurance.
The terms of the Licensing Agreement vary depending on the intent of use and needs of the organization, professional, or community. Please contact us to discuss appropriate adaptation of the Licensing Agreement.
The Listing Form includes a questionnaire allowing each professional to specify their preferences for participating in the New Ways Program. Counselors may specify whether they would like to participate as an Individual Parent Counselor, Parent-Child Counselor, or both, and whether they will be offering a sliding fee scale for New Ways clients. Those who would like to participate as a Parent-Child Counselor must have significant family court experience. Counselors may also specify whether they are interested in taking cases with domestic violence allegations. Counselors wishing to do so must have significant experience with domestic violence cases.
New Ways for Families Lawyer & Mediator Referral Lists