Made in Chelsea

Journalist and author Tim Randall has spent his career writing about television and interviewing the nation’s most famous faces. His books include the bestselling and highly praised Fifty Years Of Coronation Street and Rainbow Unzipped. He has watched every episode of Made in Chelsea – twice.

WELCOME TO
CHELSEA

It’s the London borough that has become a playground for the capital’s glamorous young socialites and a hotbed of love-triangles, posh pardies and oh-so-awkward silences. This book is a celebration of Made in Chelsea in all its glory – the gang have exclusively shared their thoughts on everything from dating dilemmas and party survival tips to fashion faux pas and their favourite SW1 hangouts. If you need a bit more Binky, Jamie and Spencer in your existence, this is your must-have guide to living life the Chelsea way…

LONDON

Chelsea (n) [chel-see]
(place name) A fashionable residential district on the north bank of the River Thames, in the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea.

MEETING AND GREETING

To kiss or not to kiss? One kiss or two? Bear hug or a mid-air mwah, mwah? Social etiquette can be a minefield of awkwardness but in Chelsea the rules couldn’t be simpler. You kiss hello on two cheeks and you kiss goodbye on two cheeks. Never once.

STEP 1
FEIGN ENTHUSIASM AT SPOTTING YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.
– despite the fact that they may be the last person you want to see. Even if it’s your ex’s new incredibly beautiful girlfriend, you must appear delighted to see her.

STEP 2
POSITION YOURSELF.
As you lean in, place your left hand on their right shoulder or upper arm. Always keep hands above the waist.

STEP 3
OFFER YOUR RIGHT CHEEK FOLLOWED BY YOUR LEFT CHEEK.
Always brush or kiss cheeks. Air-kissing is a social faux pas and looks ridiculous.

Top Tips

Lip-locks
Attempting a smooch as a social greeting is a major faux pas and just plain awkward. These are reserved for lovers and some families who greet each other with a brisk peck on the lips.

STEP 4
MAKE A DISCREET KISSING SOUND AS YOU EMBRACE.
An ear-deafening mwah bellowed into the lobe of your companion is a no-no. Avoid looking as if you’re trying too hard – always social-kiss with a blasé confidence and charm. Don’t linger and keep it swift.

STEP 5
END WITH A COMPLIMENT.
End with a compliment. Boys should inform girls that they look amazing and girls should flatter female acquaintances (whether they mean it or not). These compliments should be accepted as statement of fact with a simple thank you. Do not attempt false modesty. In Chelsea no one feigns surprise at being complimented – you know you look great. Own it.

BOIS BASICS

Ever had your open arms met with a frosty outstretched hand? Awkward! Here are three socially acceptable men braces and advice on how to use them…

Make sure your grip is firm and friendly. You don’t want to appear a wet fish, but you don’t want to crush the other person’s hand either. This isn’t a willy-waggling competition. Keep it brisk – two thrusts and you’re done. Suitable for first-time introductions, formal occasions and for your dad – who’d freak at anything more touchy-feely.

One arm is positioned over your pal’s shoulder, the other is placed below his opposite shoulder. Hold briefly and give a few short taps on the back, but avoid pounding their spine as if you’re carrying out a reverse Heimlich. To be used when feeling particularly celebratory or reuniting with The Bois after a St Barts-based separation.

Outstretch your right hand and grasp their right hand at a vertical angle as if you’re about to arm-wrestle. Swing in towards them so that your chests touch briefly. This motion is completed with your left hand reaching around their right shoulder to give two open-palmed slaps. Release your hand grip to end the greeting. For your inner circle – if extended to a newbie it will be taken as a sign of acceptance.

If it’s workin’ for Obama, then it’s good enough for Jamie and Spencer. Make sure your clenched hand is at an equal height to your pal’s, then gently bump fists for a second before pulling away.

Top Tip

The hand-grasp
An alternative stance when leaning in for a social kiss is to clutch the other person’s hands at chest height. This appears friendly, but can act as a useful barrier to prevent the other person becoming physically close. Ideal for fending off drunk suitors or unpredictable relations.

“The worst thing is when you go for the handshake and someone else goes for the hug and your hand ends up in their stomach. I get through it by dominating the situation and making it very clear that I am going for the handshake, the hug or the two kisses. The secret is to make your intentions clear from the outset rather than waiting for a last-minute decision. It’s like a penalty shoot-out – you have to take aim and go for it.”
JAMIE

BINKY FELSTEAD

‘I love the feeling of freedom you get being out in the countryside on your horse.’

I’m a country girl at heart… I had a fun outdoorsy childhood. I’d get up every morning and muck out the horses. My last horse was called Toddy and we used to do lots of events and horse shows together. I don’t ride as much now, as I’m in London most of the time, but I go back home to East Sussex, to my mum’s, and I get on a horse occasionally, just to clear my head. I love the fresh air and the feeling of freedom you get from being out in the countryside on your horse. That’s when I can totally switch off. When I get married and have kids, I will definitely get horses so that they can ride and have the same kind of country childhood that I did.

My real name is Alexandra… everybody always asks me where the name Binky comes from and I still don’t really know the answer. I’ve asked my mum, and she thinks it was a mixture of when I was small and bad, so a combination of bad and dinky!

My flowing locks are extensions… I actually used to have real hair like this, but I stupidly cut it all off when I was younger. My mum’s never forgiven me. I’m trying to get it to grow back, so that’s why I’ve got these in, and it ensures that it doesn’t get damaged too much when I’m having it styled for shoots.

My guilty pleasure… Chicken jalfrezi after a night out, and Geordie Shore. It’s compulsive viewing!

JAMIE LAING

‘One of my school reports said, “getting cross with Jamie is like drowning puppies”.’

My great-great grandfather invented the Jaffa Cake… and I’ve always loved sweets, but I was never given pocket money, so I was never able to go and buy them. I used to steal from our sweetie jar instead. I was only allowed white chocolate because other sweets made me too hyper.

Boarding school bored me… one of my end-of-year reports said, ‘getting cross with Jamie is like drowning puppies’. I charmed all the teachers yet did no work ever. Boarding school is a lot of fun because it’s basically hanging out with your mates all the time, but the repetition of life at my school, nearly killed me. I remember when I left saying I’d rather do a year in jail than spend another 12 months there.

We always try and play pranks on each other… I’d have to say that the three Lost Bois – me, Francis and Proudlock, probably are the naughtiest. We’re always trying to put each other off! We’re going to release a song. We’ve even made a funny, cheesy 90s boy band style video.

The biggest misconception about me… is I’m not that bright. But I’m sharper than people think. I’m kind of like the Boris Johnson of sweets. I’m perceived as the party boy who doesn’t really do much, but I have got a brain and I am one of the few people in the cast who has set up a vaguely successful business. I thought, what do I love? Well, I love sweets, I love fashion and I love girls, so I put them together and I created the Candy Kittens concept.

DATING THE CHELSEA WAY

Want to know how to give your love life the Chelsea lift it needs? Follow our simple guide for all your dating needs…

Remember, it’s never a ‘date’ at first. A simple ‘we should hang out sometime’ gets the message across loud and clear. Never appear desperate – you don’t need that drink, but it’d be, like, kind of fun if it happened. Unless you can pull off the cheeky-chappie Jamie vibe, steer clear of cheesy chat-up lines such as ‘Is it hot in here or is it just you?’ A Chelsea girl is more likely to give you the cold shoulder than fall into your arms with that kind of technique.

“Choose somewhere different for a date, like the Natural History Museum or the aquarium – the conversation will flow easily and you’ll learn about something else as well as each other.” JAMIE

When you’re ready to take socialising into the dating arena, your choice of venue speaks volumes and a warm pint down the Dog & Duck will simply not do. If the budget allows, think big – lunch in Paris is standard, but champagne and oysters will get similar results.

No one wants to sit in a stuffy restaurant making small talk over endless courses – try a more fun dining experience. Mexican! Peruvian! Ribs! Browsing the menu will kick-start conversation, ensuring there’ll be none of those oh-so-awkward Made in Chelsea silences. See our foodie first date venue suggestions here.

DON’T

When Jamie’s ‘Bois’ crashed the date, it went from a hole-in-one to a bunker-bound flop.

“Going to the cinema on a first date is the worst. You spend two hours with a person, but don’t find out a thing about them because you can’t speak. Overriding all of that is the panic that they might try and cop a feel.” OLIVIA

DRESSING FOR SUCCESS

The best dress is never revealed on date one. Don’t overcomplicate your look in a bid to impress.

Road-test your outfit beforehand. You don’t want to be squirming all night in a bodycon dress you can’t sit down in.

Don’t up-style for dinner at Nobu if the date’s a breezy picnic in Courtfield Gardens.

But with a hint of glamour. Chelsea boys don’t want a girlfriend with a face painted on like a clown.

Shoes, shoes, shoes. Get the footwear right with a smart pair of brogues or chukka boots and you’ve scored points before you’ve even said hello. Stick to a cool fitted shirt and avoid baggy slogan tops. Don’t overdo the cologne, check your hair and breath, make sure your fingernails are clean and clipped – and you’re good to go!

‘Girls who turn up caked in make-up just kill me. If I feel as if I’m sitting opposite a Barbie, I just want to get the next cab home.’ ANDY

‘Bad shoes, dirty nails and grubby teeth and ears are a real turn-off. Also, guys who wear hats on a date. Who wants to date someone wearing a beanie?’ OLIVIA

‘Don’t dress for the guy you’re seeing. Don’t get your boobs out. Don’t get your legs out. Yes, on the second date you can sex it up a bit – but that doesn’t mean you have to reveal body parts. Keep the mystery.’ ROSIE

‘A girl who reveals too much skin is a turn-off. I want to focus on the person not the body, initially. The body can come later!’ JAMIE

DATING DOS AND DON’TS

STEVIE: ‘A girl who’s chatty and confident in her own skin is always attractive.’

OLLIE: ‘It’s so sensual. But don’t feed each other – that’s way too much on a first date!’

MILLIE: ‘Stay true to who you are – don’t suddenly change your personality to suit the date.’

SPENCER: ‘If your breath reeks, you can kiss goodbye to that first-date snog.’

OLIVIA: ‘Whether it’s travel, a hobby or a sport, talking about a passion is a real turn-on.’

BINKY: ‘Give them your full attention. You can always take a sneaky peek at your messages when they pop to the loo.’

VICTORIA: ‘Be courteous to your date and polite to staff. Always leave a good tip – it shows you have generosity of spirit.’

ROSIE: ‘Slurring your words and slumping forward in your seat isn’t a good look.’

ANDY: ‘If someone ate with their mouth open, I don’t think I’d be able to last the whole date.’

About the Book

About the Author

WELCOME TO
CHELSEA

LONDON

MEETING AND GREETING

BOIS BASICS

BINKY FELSTEAD

JAMIE LAING

DATING THE CHELSEA WAY

DO

DON’T

DRESSING FOR SUCCESS

DATING DOS AND DON’TS

About the Book

About the Author

WELCOME TOCHELSEA

LONDON

MEETING AND GREETING

BOIS BASICS

BINKY FELSTEAD

JAMIE LAING

DATING THE CHELSEA WAY

DO

DON’T

DRESSING FOR SUCCESS

DATING DOS AND DON’TS

WELCOME TO
CHELSEA