Lessons in Living
Copyright 2015 by Cynthia Parker White, Ed. D.
All Rights Reserved
Published by Bookbaby
ISBN: 978-1-94361-268-0
eISBN: 978-1-48356322-0
Cover Photo Credit: iStock 00006052
Cover Design: Nicole White
nicolewhitestudios@gmail.com
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to the Sisterhood for indeed I am my sisters’ keeper. I thank God for giving me a heart to accept every woman as my sister and to love and encourage them in every way possible. It is they who keep me grounded and assured that I do not face this life alone and that when I am in the depths of the valley, they are there to cheer me on and are even willing to come in and rescue me if the need arises.
I am grateful that these eight sisters understood the vision given me and accepted the challenge for this literary venture: Amelia, Cheryl, Janice, Kathleen, Magenta, Mona, Sharion and Valerie. Each of you is special and I am thankful for the motivation and the inspiration that you provide. You give my heart reason to soar with joyful delight.
Cynthia P. White, Ed. D
Author/Editor
TABLE OF CONTENTS
FOREWORD
PREFACE
Why This Anthology?
CHAPTER 1
What I Learned From My Toro
by Cynthia P. White, Ed. D.
CHAPTER 2
The Leash and the Yoke
by Cheryl D. Williams
CHAPTER 3
A Time to Rend, a Time to Mend
by Sharion Thurman-Reeves
CHAPTER 4
I Can Do all Things
by Magenta Black
CHAPTER 5
Lessons of Favor and Grace
by Cheryl D. Williams
CHAPTER 6
Pruning My Rose Bush
by Mona Lisa Stallworth
CHAPTER 7
I am My Sister’s Keeper
by Dr. Cynthia P. White
CHAPTER 8
Weeds
by Janice Parker Watson
CHAPTER 9
White Woman’s Disease: An African Woman and Her Antidepressants
By Amelia Neal
CHAPTER 10
My God is Everywhere, Even on The Job
by Cynthia P. White, Ed. D.
CHAPTER 11
Why Me Lord?
by Kathleen Glenn Williams
CHAPTER 12
God’s Unique and Precious Gift
by Valerie Dorn-Roberts
EPILOGUE
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”
(Jeremiah 29:11)
I am thankful for the leading and prodding of the Holy Spirit to produce this anthology. I am the more thankful that I listened for I had it in me to take this venture in an entirely different direction. As much as I tried to develop a story line for another book that I had in mind, my spirit continued to be tugged in an entirely different direction. I spent months researching the book I thought I was going to write but found it near impossible to gain any flow or momentum. When I listened to that still small voice from within, ideas appeared to come from everywhere for the book that God intended and for the women whom he wanted to be a part of it. When I listened, the ideas for this project flowed. I discovered that when I am still, the Holy Spirit does in fact speak to me. He imparts wisdom and life lessons that strengthen me on my sojourn in this my temporary home. He brings clarity to those nebulous moments when I am struggling with understanding the Word of God, His Will or even the path He wants my life to take.
This demands constant communication with Him and relinquishing my will for His. Although I love the Lord, there is that human part of me that both consciously and unconsciously still thinks that He needs my help to accomplish His will in my life. When I acknowledge that He is God all by Himself and that He does not need any assistance from me, it is then that he reveals His plans for my life.
I have devoted 35+ years in a career as a high school counselor, guiding, advising, motivating, encouraging and mentoring young people. He has revealed to me that my next assignment is to go forth and minister to women but on a different plane and a higher level. He has used my first career as the training ground and preparation for career number two.
With the heart of compassion that He has endowed me with, I am led to share the message of God’s healing for broken lives. He is calling for me to step out on faith, without fear and with total confidence that He will fully equip me to carry out the mission that he has placed in my mind and in my heart. He has allowed me to witness some things both personally and professionally so that I might have the insight and the experience to minister to His people who are hurting in a dark and seemingly uncaring world.
So it is to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that I give acknowledgement for sowing the seeds for this book and for guiding me through its completion.
To God is the glory forever and ever.
FOREWORD
The woman in II Kings 4:1-7 captures one who understood what’s meant by living life from both extremities. In verse one we meet her during a dark gloomy down pour of pain and problems experienced by the challenges of dealing with loss. Her trilogy of loss began with the death of her husband. His absence activated more problems than she had solution resulting in a loss of income and debt. Now, in order to stabilize life she must place her two sons in slavery to now work off the debt. She sees life as long days and even longer nights of worry; worrying if things will ever get better, if she will ever adjust to a new life without her life partner, and if her loved ones will ever return home.
Has this ever happened to you? Is this your reality right now? One event set off a chain reaction where life goes from bad to worse and you find yourself hopeless, helpless, and hurting. If so, keep reading because just as one unforeseen or unexpected issue sets off a slippery slope which led you downward to a place where worry, wounds, and weakness seem to be common practice and place, remember God has not forgotten you.
By verse seven the woman we met in verse one, filled with despair and desperation, now reveals a new season and a new look. If verse one found her living under dark gray clouds, verse seven displays her living under beautiful blue skies with puffy white clouds, birds singing in the trees, and the sun shining its brilliance in and around her, as she sits back smiling, and taking it all in. This woman, now stronger physically and mentally, has adjusted to living life without the love of her life. She now manages a thriving business which paid all her debts and allows her and her two sons to live comfortably off the rest. What turned the tide from problems and pain to a life abounding with promises and peace? More importantly, what do we glean from her story that gives us hope, help, and healing, for the many down strokes of life and living? The answer lies in what happened in the middle of her story. It is what she did between verse one and verse seven. Something wonderful happened for her which drove the gray clouds away, and most assuredly can drive our gray clouds away as well. This broken and bewildered woman turned to God. Verse two reveals that she went to the prophet; the man of God.
His name was Elisha and there she sought help for her difficult season of sadness and sorrow. The prophet doesn’t do the traditional church activities like pray or offer scriptural reading, rather, he poses a question to the woman. He asks, “What do you have in your house?” Seems like an odd question to pose at such a desperate time as this, but in actuality, it’s the secret to success and leads her down the pathway to peace and prosperity. She responds by saying, “I have only a small cruse of oil and nothing else.” Her response wasn’t big or impressive, she does not rattle off an impressive laundry list of possessions. No, she exposes that she only has the ordinary, a simple vial of oil and not much of it.
Can you replace her story with yours? Alone, working through a mountain of debt, children out of control, needing a miracle but only possessing the mundane. Is this your story, needing God to do something extraordinary but only seeing the ordinary? If yes, then you are closer than you know for your breakthrough. This poster child for heartache and headache moved from sadness to gladness, and from darkness to sunshine when she focused her head, heart and hands on seeing and doing the ordinary. When she does the ordinary it offers God a wonderful opportunity to bring some extraordinary blessings her way. Question, what do you have in your house? That is, what common and ordinary things are you doing in your life that God might be ready to use to change your scene and give you an extraordinary moment of love, laughter, or even linkage? What small almost unnoticed activity or issue sits in your life that God might want to use to lift you to a new level of existence? What is it that you have passed by a thousand times and never saw it and seized its potential to produce in you hope for your hopelessness, answers for your anxiety, and healing for your hurt? Today opportunity knocks at your door, will you use ordinary lessons from life to discover God’s amazing plan for a better life?
Like the Prophet Elisha did for the troubled woman in our story, Dr. Cynthia P. White lays out some helpful hints for women of all walks of life to unlock new lessons from their ordinary lives. She invites you to take a journey through her ordinary life and the lives of other ordinary women, with ordinary stories that will lead you to a greater awareness of an extraordinary God. Through this book Dr. White and the other authors hope to assist each one of you in discovering our Great God’s presence in your everyday life. The intent is that you will achieve a deepening of your desire to depend upon Him, revelation of His limitless power to take your ordinary and transform it into extraordinary opportunities for you to see and seize greatness.
I am sure many of you remember those connect the dots sheet we all received in our first few years of elementary school. The teacher gave them to us to strengthen some previous taught skills. Whether it was the skill of learning the alphabet or the skill of mastering our numbers, connect the dot was a tried and proven method to ensure we had a command of those skills. Remember how excited you got after connecting the letter “A” with “B” and so forth until out of the ordinary appeared a picture hidden within. If during the Thanksgiving holiday it might have been a turkey or during Christmas it might have been a Christmas tree. But you knew that if you followed the connection of ABC’s correctly, it unlocked the mystery. The same is true in life. Life is a sequence of random dots. Some of these dots are successes some are failures. Some of them are highs like marriage and children and others are lows like divorce or death. While as random as they may appear on the surface, with proper connection God reveals a wonderful message of His faithfulness and favor upon our lives and how He is at work making all things beautiful in its season. So take the journey through Lessons in Living: Ordinary Women, Extraordinary God and allow its stories to help you see some hidden message within it’s ordinary; allow it to awaken in you an Extraordinary God loosely moving and ministering within your ordinary and making of you a better person, moving you to some better places, and motivating you to do better in your practice of service toward others. Let’s get started..... A brighter, bigger and more beautiful future awaits you in the journey.
Reverend Brian K. Brown
Pastor of St. Mark M. B. Church
Vice Moderator of South Florida
Progressive Baptist Association
Chairman of Planning & Evaluation of the
Progressive Missionary & Educational Baptist State
Convention of Florida, Inc.
Chairman of Social Justice Commission of National Baptist
Convention of America International, Inc.
PREFACE
Why This Anthology?
The impetus for this book grew out of time spent in reflection while caring for my lawn. This may sound a little strange, but it is the truth. The time I spent outdoors gave pause to reflect upon my relationship with my Heavenly Father. As I worked in my yard, I could see so many parallels that addressed my spirituality and my determination to live a life that mirrored the life of Christ. I was reminded of the parables in the Bible, those earthly stories with heavenly meanings and I could see that God truly was using what we consider to be the ordinary things of life to impart extraordinary insight and understanding as we seek to align our steps more closely with His.
This anthology is also an opportunity to put into practice what I preach, that we as women have to reach out and support one another; be that helping hand that another needs. I felt led to invite other sisters to contribute their life lessons as part of this book. It is an opportunity for them to stretch their wings as writers and see what lofty heights they can reach as budding authors.
I have discovered that it is not about me; it is about us, women being sisters to each other in the truest and deepest sense of what sisterhood is all about. I genuinely love all women and want them to know that they do not walk this journey called life alone, that they have a sister who wishes the very best for them. We all have to believe in the Biblical sense that we are our sisters’ keeper. Therefore, I can only claim success when my each of my sister/ girlfriends has the same potential for success.
Psalms 139: 14 states, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (NKJV). We are all precious in the sight of God, his awesome creation. It is implicitly stated in God’s word, yet so many of us state it with our mouths but find it difficult to accept it in our hearts and in our spirits. The question must be asked, do we really live our outward lives as if we are His beloved children in whom He is well pleased?
We believe that God is love but secretly wonder how He can love us with all of our shortcomings. Yes, Lord; you are a loving and a good God but surely that love does not include one as damaged as I am. We place so many road blocks in the way of our relationship with God. Like the Israelites of old, we want to place stipulations and conditions on our relationship with Him that He never intended.
There are many people, believers and non-believers alike hurting so badly that dying seems much better than living in the midst of the pain. So many are tired of living this way and earnestly want something different. The “different” that the world is seeking is love; the kind of love that commended our elder brother Jesus to give his life on a cross for us.
It is stated in John 15: 13 this way, “Greater love has no one than this; that he lay down his life for his friends” (NIV). We all want that kind of love that has no boundaries, strings or conditions attached to it; the kind of love that says I love you in spite of who and what you are rather that because of. Accordingly, the desire of us all is to live trusting God unconditionally; being washed in His love and knowing that every bit of it is our birthright as our Father’s children.
The purpose of this anthology is to provide practical insight and guidance on many of the dilemmas that face us as we try to live out our lives on a daily basis. Oftentimes, it is not the big things that stump us but rather the ordinary things that give us pause and make us ponder how those little things fit into the bigger picture of our lives and the plans that God has in store for us.
The New Testament abounds with countless stories that Jesus used to simplify life lessons for His disciples and others of his followers. His parables fit the audience to whom he was speaking to ensure that its meaning did not escape them. Most of us are familiar with the parables of The Ten Talents (Matthew 25: 14-30), The Wise and the Foolish Builders (Matthew 7: 24-27), The Lost Sheep (Matthew 18: 12-14), and The Prodigal Son (Luke 15: 11-32).
Likewise, there are innumerable lessons to be found in what appears to be the ordinary events of our daily lives. Every single time I started my lawn mower, there was a lesson to be learned that transcended the obvious task at hand. As I make my way to work each day via the interstate, God has a message for me and oftentimes, a lesson for me to learn.
The ultimate task for us is having the sincere desire to hear from God, a willingness to seek Him, and an open mind and heart to accept His direction and apply it to our lives.
CHAPTER 1
What I Learned From My Toro
by Cynthia P. White, Ed. D.
A few years ago, I made the decision that I would once again keep up my own lawn. When life was simpler and with less constraints on my time, it actually gave me a great deal of pleasure to get behind the mower; to be the one who trimmed the hedges, rake and then bag the grass cuttings. I enjoyed the fact that I got to use and work muscles I did not know I had until I was done and I ached in places that I did not know could ache. I even liked the fact that I got to sweat as I cut a path through grass that was sometimes tall enough to hide an assortment of children’s athletic equipment.
After life became a little more complicated and the size of the property grew considerably with the move into a new home, the decision was made to hire a professional lawn service. I actually went through several, having a couple of not so good experiences with severe gaps in the quality of services being provided. After giving the matter some thought, I decided that once the initial investment was made in a new lawn mower, it would be more cost effective for me to once again do the work myself. I further convinced myself that being my own lawn person would allow me the opportunity get in a little exercise since I wasn’t getting in much doing anything else. I lost sight of the fact that it had been fully ten years since I had cut my own grass when I obviously was a few years younger.
I shared this information with a friend of mine who was very instrumental in helping me select what he thought would be a woman friendly mower (my words, not his). He showed himself to be a better friend by actually doing the yard for me the first time (not an easy feat as I have a fairly large corner lot and equally large back yard). He even took the first mower back because he thought it took too much effort for it to be self-propelled and for me to handle it easily.
Because I am so technically challenged, I kind of wandered off mentally while he was making the new selection and did not immediately see that he was swapping it for the Toro, an advanced machine with a statement on the box that said,” personal pace, self-propelled, automatically adjusts to your walking speed.” It could be started manually by pulling on the string thing, or it could be started with a key, just like a car!
Again, being the tremendously good friend that he is, he cut the monster back yard that had not been mowed in so long that I was sure it was snake infested ( he did not report seeing any). There was a great sense of relief on my part in not having to venture forth into that forsaken jungle.
The next time the lawn was cut, my then 26 year old son, home visiting, volunteered to do it. This was a great surprise as he is the son who suffers horribly from allergies but yes, he wanted to do it for his mother. I was able to give him just enough information that allowed him to start the machine and he was off.
Twice the lawn had been cut; the mower was as yet, still untouched by my hands. Summers in Florida are brutally hot and humid. This mixture of heat and unbearable humidity is coupled with the potential for a deluge of rain and thunderstorms on a daily basis (sometimes several times a day and all night).
All of the rain means that lawns require extra cutting during those months to prevent your lawn from gaining forest status and notes from the mail carriers threatening not to deliver your mail because they refuse to walk through the tall grass laced with sand spurs. This particular summer, the temperature stagnated in the lower to upper 90’s with “feels like” temperatures over 100 on some days with the humidity factored into the equation.
Saturday, August 7, 2010 was a day of reckoning. Rain had been in the forecast every day and I finally decided that I would get up at 6:00 a.m. to get a jumpstart on the heat and the possible rain to tackle the yard. That did not happen and it was more like 10:00 a.m. before I could get in the proper mindset, get dressed and head in the direction of the garage. This was not such a bad thing as it was very overcast, threatening to rain and felt like 90 and humid instead of the usual 95 degrees.
My first challenge was that I had not actually started the mower on my own. My friend had given me a quick lesson (translation, he showed me while speaking in Man-galese) and I had nodded like I understood. I moved the mower to the driveway and proceeded to pull on the starter cord. The only thing that happened was that my arm started to feel like it would separate from my shoulder.
It dawned on me to check to see if it needed gas and indeed the little gas tank was nearly bone dry. I remembered that I had purchased gas when my son had last cut the grass and all I had to do was refill the tank. A visual of the garage did not reveal the red can that I needed. It came to me that my son was in the backyard when the mower had run out of gas and that he probably had left it there. Indeed it was; sitting atop the air conditioning unit that cools the room addition.
This was not necessarily a good thing as it had rained at least a dozen times since he was last at home and the gas can was left sitting out. I did the only thing I knew to do and that was to open it, see if it looked like it had water in it and surmise from the design of the container that it was okay. I had the presence of mind to realize that if I miss-guessed, I could possible ruin the mower engine. A check of the oil gage indicated that it also needed oil (or so I thought); I remembered that we had purchased additional engine oil and a replacement filter for the mower. I found the oil and poured it in (finding out later that I over-filled it).
I also remembered that the little key attached to the mower was meant to start it and all I had to do was cut the plastic tie holding it in place and insert it into the ignition. A turn of the key, and again the machine sputtered. I suppose after a few tries, the gas got where it needed to go and voila, it started. There was a huge cloud of oily smelling smoke but it started and I was off.
My struggles with the Toro reminded me of my relationship with God and the struggles I encounter in my life. There are many times when we are like that mower, bone dry, sputtering from all of the false starts we have and devoid of spirit. Just as that key was instrumental in my being able to start the lawn mower, Jesus is our key; the answer to every question or problem we are faced with. He is able to fill up our spiritual reservoir, renewing and refreshing us to face the challenges of each new day. He possesses all the answers we need. If we would only go to him first, we would spare ourselves the turmoil, trouble and pain we encounter when we do not seek Him all times and in all things.
The true test began for me with the all-powerful Toro. The container the mower was packaged in stated that the machine was self-propelled but it felt like I needed every ounce of strength within me to move it forward. I did not understand why it had seemed so effortless when both my friend and my son were manning it. I had to continuously start and stop because it did not “feel right”. It was not the effortless task that the literature described or my friend and son portrayed while they were operating it. I don’t recall either of them stating they felt like their heart would explode in their chests from pushing that thing.
Within a few minutes of my getting the Toro humming, it began to rain so the mower had to be dragged back into the garage. I was almost happy that I had a semi-legitimate reason to delay the inevitable. My reprieve was short- lived as the very brief sprinkle ended as quickly as it had begun.
I wanted to call it quits as I had exerted so much energy for so little grass to be cut. The one minute shower barely wet the ground so I had to go back out and tackle the machine, which at this point, I felt was winning. Yet another brief shower interrupted my efforts but I knew that I had to bite the bullet and get the job done to avoid the ugly stares from my neighbors who all had well-manicured lawns.
The shear effort needed to propel the mower forward had my heart pounding and pumping much faster than it was accustomed. Both my arms and my legs felt as if they were weighted down with lead. My clothing quickly became drenched in sweat that ran in torrents down my face, stinging my eyes. Every part of me not covered by clothing was covered in at least an inch of dirt.
In the midst of my growing misery and frustration, it occurred to me that there is an abundance of scripture that addresses us asking God for what we need. John 14:14 tells us that, “If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.” Matthew 21:22 tells us further that, “And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.” If we need further evidence, we can go to Luke 11:9 which states, “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you” (NKJV).