09/11/01
A Long Road Toward
Recovery
Nicole B. Simpson
09/11/01 A Long Road Toward Recovery
Published by:
Harvest Wealth Media Group
200 Centennial Avenue Ste. 200
Piscataway, NJ 08854
Copyright 2011 by Nicole B. Simpson
First Printing 2011
First Edition: May 2011
Cover Design: Jesse L. Simpson III
Interior Design: Lilisa J. Williams
Editor: Cheesette Stovall
All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means-electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise-without prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by the United States of America copyright law.
This book does not necessarily represent the views of any single person interviewed in its entirety.
www.nicolebsimpson.com
Telephone: 732-377-2024
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
Simpson, Nicole B, 1971-
09/11/01/ Nicole B. Simpson,~~
ISBN: 978-0984365418
September 11 Terrorist Attacks, 2001/World Trade Center/Trauma
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to every individual who suffered physically, mentally and emotionally on September 11, 2001. You will never be forgotten!
Acknowledgements
This book could not be written without the support and willingness of many survivors, first responders and others who were willing to share their experience, in spite of their pain. A special thank you to Bishop Jethro James, Theodore Dwight and Tobi Mettle. Through the many tears and emotional roller coaster, thank you Pastor John E. Blacknall for your listening ear and continual prayers. To my family who have been my foundation, Jesse III, Jesse IV, and Emani. To all of my prayer intercessors, thank you. To every organization and ministry that provided me with a platform to share my side of the story. To Cheesette Stovall who makes a good story great. Finally, a very special thank you to my biological father Ali Hakim Manley who spent hours explaining the long-term effects of post traumatic stress disorder and Miss Victoria Lockhart who not only shared her story with me, but is willing to travel this last leg of releasing the painful memories the World Trade Center tragedy holds with me.
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1 Back to the Beginning!
Chapter 2 Gratitude and Guilt
Chapter 3 Overwhelmed!
Chapter 4 Long Days, Sleepless Nights
Chapter 5 Depression is Real
Chapter 6 Will My Troubles Ever End?
Chapter 7 The Ultimate Test
Chapter 8 Turning Point
Chapter 9 A New Beginning
Epilogue
Author Note
Prologue
I began formulating the concepts in this book at the end of 2007. At the time I wondered where would I be mentally, spiritually and emotionally on September 11, 2011—ten years after the tragic disaster of 9-11. I couldn’t help but wonder about the long-term effects of this tragedy that not only affected the entire world, but also had a permanent, devastating impact on my family and I.
It’s been nearly ten years since that ill-fated day and I, along with millions of other people, am still feeling the after effects. Although some days and years are more challenging than others, I still experience erratic mood swings, fear, uneasiness and depression. Never truly certain of my emotional steadiness, I ebb and flow between moments of happiness and joy to severe bouts of anger, bitterness and hopelessness. My greatest wonder is, Will my life ever be the same?
Before 9-11, I enjoyed a successful career in the securities industry. I was a certified financial planner in the major securities arm of a growing partnership. I was young, full of life and on the heels of branching out on my own. Without question, I was truly ready to soar; but in my heart I feel that opportunity was interrupted by 9-11.
Life after has been extremely trying for me, to say the least. The aftershocks continued through the following years until it came to a head in 2007, when I found myself in complete and utter upheaval. I was struggling on my job and trying to find balance between ministry and business which I never thought would be an issue. At that point, I’d transferred firms two times and was facing the possibility of a third transfer. Around every corner there seemed to be some adversity or test I had to overcome; and the challenges intensified with each passing day.
It seemed as though just when I thought I was settled and finally ready to rebuild, there was always another mountain to climb. That’s when I realized that I was dealing with more than the everyday struggles of life. I was dealing with trauma. Then I wondered how many other 9-11 survivors were facing the same struggles as I was? Had they recovered from them? Had they been successful in picking up the pieces of their lives and finding a sense of normalcy? I know I hadn’t!
As a writer, I found some solace in writing. Still, I couldn’t rest, knowing that there were other people out there facing the same struggles I was. I wanted to know how many other people were tattered, hurt, and struggling to rebuild. That’s when I decided that I would no longer wonder, but instead search for other individuals who were directly affected by the tragedy of 9-11. I wanted to know what journey they’d traveled to find peace; or if peace was found at all.
As a survivor of this calamity, I have noticed that very little attention has been given to the actual living survivors. So much rightly placed honor has been given to the lost heroes; but what about us who remain?
What about the people who relive the memories of those events daily. Those of us who, almost a decade later, are living our everyday lives reaching for a sense of normalcy we may never obtain?
In my pain, I reached out for the familiar support of others who could relate. I’d hoped to find people who would be honest enough to share their true feelings about that earth-shattering event. At first, I wasn’t even sure if any other survivors would be candid enough to share the fact that they, like me, were secretly angry that no one seemed to care about their lives being forever altered. But deep inside, I knew I wasn’t the only survivor who felt discarded, forgotten, thrown away, and at times resentful because of the pain I’d endured. There had to be others who, marred with feelings of hopelessness, carried the guilt of actually surviving. Did they, like me, have moments where they wished they’d died because life after was more like a cruel imprisonment than a real life?
Did they feel like committing suicide? Were they still haunted by nightmares of people jumping off buildings? Was anxiety and stress dictating their lives? And finally, were they mad at God about what happened, or did they grow closer to the Lord as result of what they suffered? I wondered!
The answers to these burning questions and more lay ahead. Nestled in the pages of this book is our story; one I am sure will resonate with people from all walks of life, but especially to the survivors. I know your pain. I too have tried to erase the memories of that day. I’ve tried to block it out like it never even happened. But with each passing day the memories seem to replay with such force that I can almost feel myself right back at Ground Zero inhaling the smog and fumes while being tormented by sounds too heinous to ever forget.
Why me? Why us? And where do we go from here?
Only God knows where we will go, but as we focus on the day-to-day task of rebuilding, we must strive for a level of transparency that generates and demands healing. I am grateful to be alive; and although I didn’t always feel that sense of gratitude, as I travel toward my healing, I realize that my emotions are valid at every stage in the process; and so are other people’s feelings.
As we reflect on the past, I’ve attempted to bring together different perspectives of one experience that changed the lives of millions. Sit back and allow me to take you through this journey. I caution you that this journey has a lot of information and stories that are both hard to share and bear, but if you’ll remain with me, you’ll see why this project is long overdue.
Here’s to the survivors!
~ Chapter One ~
Back to the Beginning!
Remembering the September 11 events isn’t very difficult at all. Sometimes those memories envelope me and I remember it just as if it were yesterday. I was working on the 73 floor of Building Two of the World Trade Center, and I’d went to work bright and early that morning. It was primary election day in New York and unseasonably beautiful to say the least. The sky was clear blue and the natives were hustling and scrambling to work. In hind sight, I remember thinking how the weather that day was made for a postcard—a picture-perfect day!
It must been an hour or so after I’d gotten settled in the office before the American Airlines plane flew into One World Trade Center at 8:46a.m. No one would have ever thought that would be the day when flight 11, which originated from Boston’s Logan Airport with a destination to Los Angeles, California, would be used as a weapon to destroy the North Tower of One World Trade Center. At first, most people in the building thought the plane crash was surely an accident or pilot error.