Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Testimonials
Foreword
About The Author
Disclaimers
Introduction
Chapter One - Love Languages
Chapter Two - Values in Intimate Relationships
Chapter Three - Qualities of Your ‘Perfect’ Partner
Chapter Four - Interests
Chapter Five - Intimacy
Chapter Six - The Emotional Bank Account
Chapter Seven - Interventions
Chapter Eight - The Decision to Leave
Chapter Nine - An Inspiring Future
Bibliography and Further Reading
Ignite the Spark
7 Strategies for mature women for reinventing your relationship and reigniting your passion.
By
Gina Mitchell
#1 Best Seller Author
Copyright
Copyright © 2015 by Gina Mitchell.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below.
Gina Mitchell
Sydney NSW Australia
www.ignitethesparkthebook.com
gina@positivelifeshift.com
Book Layout ©2015 EvolveInstantAuthor.com
Ordering Information: Quantity sales. Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the “Special Sales Department” at the address above.
Ignite The Spark/ Gina Mitchell. --1st edition 2015
ISBN: 978-1507593202
Dedication
I would like to dedicate this book to Peter Lawson, my darling husband. Thank you my sweetheart for allowing me to just be me, warts and all. Thank you also for being open to doing the strategies in this book. As a result our relationship has improved and I realise how much I love and appreciate you.
You are the ultimate gift in my life and I am so glad that we met. You are the one who inspired me to write this book.
After writing three books yourself, you encouraged me to write this one. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Acknowledgements
Firstly I would like to acknowledge Matt Catling and Bianca van Riet from The Institute of Behavioural Science for starting me on this journey. You taught me the techniques with your coaching and courses. Thank you!
To Michael Adamedes, the relationship guru, who demonstrated to me the commitment, passion and love needed to be the best relationship coach. I have a long way to go to reach your calibre, but to have you as a role model will ensure that I will continue to improve. Thank you!
Ruth Carter, Jane Earle and Scott Forrest; thank you for being my guinea pigs to demonstrate the intervention techniques which are now up on my website. That was really putting yourselves ‘out there’ and exposing parts of yourselves to the world. You are brave people.
John North and your team at Evolve Instant Author; thank you for helping me to finish my book with the daunting processes of editing, marketing and publishing. It would have taken me at least one hundred times longer had I done it myself.
For the lovely corporate photos, thank you Jane Earle from Jane Earle Photography. You make me look really good!
Testimonials
Over the past 6 months Gina has been working with me, coaching me towards improving my relationship, helping me gain insights and helping me focus on what I want and how I can achieve it.
She is understanding and insightful and has provided me with a new understanding of my relationship and given me tools to use to take it to the next level.
I was able to uncover several blocks personally that were getting in the way of achieving the relationship I dreamt of. Now I am able to see clearly what I want, both in my life and in my relationship, as well as the ability to navigate myself towards achieving my goals. Gina is personable and honest, and I highly recommend her to anyone wanting more out of their current circumstances. She will take you to the next level and guide you along the path to achieve your dream life!
NC
Sydney NSW
Six months ago I separated from my husband after thirty three years of marriage. This left me feeling like a big chunk of my being had been ripped out of me and my whole world had fallen apart. I was at a complete loss as to what to do next and I was sinking slowly into a deep depression and despair that I had no control over. I was literally an emotional, anxiety ridden cot-case. I had no idea how to deal with the pain of separation and what I was feeling until I started my coaching with Gina. Gina’s guidance renewed a spark in me which I had forgotten I had, and she assisted me to see a different perspective on the situation by turning all the negatives I was facing into positives. I suddenly found I had so much to offer and my life began to change and improve.
Gina gave me the tools to enhance my life and I have realised and set firm goals to achieve this.
Gina is an honest, reliable and easy coach to work with and I highly recommend anyone seeking to get their life back on track, especially after a breakup, to seek Gina’s assistance.
KE
Perth WA
Foreword
By Michael Adamedes
Relationships have been my greatest challenge and at the same time my greatest gift. It is from intimate relationships that I have experienced my deepest hurt as well as my most profound love. They represent the cutting edge of self-awareness; I call intimate relationships “the rocket ride to enlightenment”.
There is a science to relationships, specific rules and understandings that are necessary for a relationship to thrive and grow.
Relationships move through stages, from the initial excitement of courtship and passion, to an everyday partnership that deals with the pressures of family, work and finances, and then moves onto a mature and supportive friendship. How can we progress through these stages while maintaining love, respect and passion?
Some lucky couples through virtue of their upbringing and personality just get it right and have a loving, supportive and easy relationship. But for the majority of people it is a major learning experience.
Gina has written a thoroughly practical and easy to read guide to steering you through the highs and lows of relationships.
She explains foundational information for all couples, how different people interpret and communicate love to each other.
There was a time in my life when I assumed my partner experienced love in the same way I did and I didn’t understand why she didn’t appreciate that I was being loving and caring when I paid the bills, fixed her car and regularly took her out. She interpreted being loved through words of affection, remembering birthdays and anniversaries, and from receiving gifts. Just these simple ideas can make a world of difference to a relationship.
For most of us life is full of pressure and often the only safe place to let go of that pressure is at home and initially that works. But after sometime we begin to exhaust the goodwill in our relationship. My partner can’t be my therapist, parent and the person who is always there for me to make me feel better. Now there is stress and misunderstanding in the relationship, the so-called Emotional Bank Account is depleted. This book covers how to come back from a relationship that is pulling itself apart and even better still, to avoid the pitfalls in the first place and never have your relationship stress out.
I recommend this book as a valuable resource both to people starting off in a new relationship and for those couples already in a relationship, as the material covered in this book is the ABC of relationships. It explains how relationships work, how couples think, the sorts of problems that can occur in a relationship and most importantly what to do to fix things and move your relationship to a truly loving, passionate and joyful experience.
Michael Adamedes is a psychotherapist,relationships counsellor and author.
www.michaeladamedes.com
About The Author
Gina Mitchell is number #1 Best Selling Author and the founder of Positive Life Shift. She has successfully helped people from Australia and around the world with their relationships and their lives in general since 2012.
Gina uses simple and effective strategies to help people overcome issues in their lives, particularly in their relationships.
Gina has always had a passion for helping people and that is why she undertook the NLP training and life coaching courses.
She also completed an Honours degree in Biochemistry and teaching diploma in the 1980s.
Gina brings to the table the logic of her science experience along with her real life skills in science teaching, backed up with her NLP qualifications.
This is a unique combination of skills for a relationship facilitator.
Some of Gina’s major accomplishments with her clients include:
She lives in Sydney, Australia, with her husband and two cats and loves to keep fit by swimming, doing yoga and cycling.
For more information on Gina, visit:
www.ignitethesparkthebook.com or email her at gina@positivelifeshift.com or connect with her on Twitter or Facebook on her Positive Life Shift page.
For a complementary clarity session with Gina visit www.positivelifeshift.com/work-with-gina
Disclaimers
The names of the people in this book have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty).
Sex and The City fans will love the names I used.
Introduction
“It is lack of communication that leads to unhappy marriage.”
Lailah Gifty Akita.
Have you ever stopped and looked at your life from the outside in? Wondered whether it measured up to all the hopes and dreams you had as a child? Hey! Me too! I remember looking at my parents’ marriage and thinking to myself, ‘there is no way I want to be in a relationship like that!’ I knew there was so much more for me. I knew I wanted to have fun with and be respected and loved by a wonderful man. It did not happen straight away for me.
My parents were my only role models and I had no other frame of reference or any tools at the time. My first marriage was very unhappy and I felt trapped. I felt certain that I had to leave, otherwise I was going to go crazy. I left and embarked reluctantly into single life. Here I stayed pretty much on and off for the next eighteen years. I still had my hopes and dreams! I learned much about myself in that time. I learned tools and strategies to have an amazing relationship. I just needed to find someone who was worthy of me! I finally found my darling second husband Peter and as soon as I figured that he was a keeper, I put all I had discovered into practice.
After many years together we still are as happy and content as ever.
As well as all the reading and experiences I have had over the years, I also studied Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Life Coaching. This has led me to want to share my knowledge with the world. No point keeping it to myself! Given that I am in my fifties as I write, my sister and most of my friends are ‘mature’ women and I can relate to the issues they face in their lives. I have seen them go through relationship problems, divorce, empty-nest syndrome and menopause.
In my practice, I have helped many people with their relationships and I love to share what I know.
So now you have been together with your spouse for a very long time and the kids have probably left home and you think about your relationship with your spouse and you wonder ‘where to from here?’ You have spent many years being so busy with bringing up children, working and looking after your home. Your husband has been busy too. You have not thought about putting yourself first for what seems like forever. You look at your spouse in your empty nest and think to yourself ‘what do I really want now?
‘What has happened to our relationship? Do we even know each other anymore? What does he want?’
In this book, I will help you find yourself and your relationship again. Yes, you will always be a mother, a wife, a friend and a lover. The question is who else do you want to be and what else do you want?
Should you even stay in this relationship?