About this book

This book is a concise theoretical and practical guide on how to help people improve contact with themselves and each other.

Its authors met for the first time in 2007. We represent widely divergent professions, but we share an interest in the circumstances of children with regard to the rapid changes and drastic breakdown of values we all are currently experiencing, the great opportunities that are at hand. We met to come up with an answer to the question: what is the most important and most valuable thing that can be done today for children?

Since then we have met regularly. In addition to the ongoing dialog we maintain among ourselves, we‘ve formed The Danish Society for the Promotion of Life Wisdom in Children, which has held two conferences: in Århus (2007) and in Copenhagen (2009). We have participated in initiating trials in several primary schools, which have been documented among other places in two films, This is how we do it in Elling School, and Calmness and Presence in the

School, both of them produced and adapted by Marianne Rasmusen and Mette Bahnsen from Filmkompagniet; we have taken part in open public debate, held (and continue to hold on a regular basis) continuing education courses for preschool- and school teachers, and contributed to a special edition of the magazine ”Cognition and Education”; and we have formed a collaboration with Denmark‘s University of Educational Studies, VIA University College, and the Århus University research institution Interacting Minds.

This collaboration includes the instruction of children at several elementary schools and teachers‘ college teachers and students, based on the contents of this book, which is a summary of the experience fostered by our collaboration.

We believe that what children today need more than anything is support in developing self-accord.

Self-accord means a person is at peace at the core of their being, which is the only place from where a person can relate deeply to other people and to a complex world undergoing extreme transformation, a world in which it is difficult to find role models.

Empathy is one of the ways in which self-accord expresses itself when we are with others. We are all born with the aptitude for self-accord and empathy. These aptitudes can be developed and practiced. The first two sections of this book describe empathy in detail, while the third section deals with how it can be trained.

We have three specific groups of readers in mind. First, the book is for anyone with a serious interest in improving contact with themselves and others. By ”serious” we mean a level of interest that includes a willingness to work at it, which a deepening of contact requires.

Second, the book is meant for those participating in the courses on empathy held by The Danish Society for the Promotion of Life Wisdom in Children, where it will be used as the primary textbook.

Above all, however, what follows is intended for children. Not directly; the language employed is that of adults. But the theory that is explained has its central focus on children‘s circumstances, and all the exercises have been chosen especially for children.

We suggest and hope that adults will learn the exercises, and that after they understand and become familiar with them, they will teach them to children.

It‘s important to say that such an understanding and familiarity doesn‘t come easily. It can‘t be expected that deeper empathetic abilities can be achieved solely by reading, whether it be this book or any other, just as you can‘t learn to teach from reading a book.

Empathy is not something transmitted by the written word alone. Empathy is kindness, a sympathetic attitude, and understanding set into practice, it is quality, depth, and intensity in human contact. These things are best learned in an actual teaching situation, where teachers themselves have worked long and intensely at their own contact with others, so that through their behavior they actualize what is being taught. This book can inspire you. Which in itself can be valuable. But to move beyond inspiration you have to seek out an educational context. For the readers who may be interested in our work, we have included a section at the end about our organization, its history, and information about how to come into contact with us through its network.

This book contains three main sections. The first, ”The Foundation of Empathy”, describes the basis of human contact. In this section we make our case for how the better our contact with ourselves, the better and deeper becomes our understanding of others. And we argue that this heightening of contact can be trained.

It may come as somewhat of a surprise that this training is not directed toward learning something new, but at making us aware of what we already are able to do, which is what we call the ”five innate abilities” – inborn talents or areas of talent closely connected with the feeling of joy of life.

Two short chapters then discuss why this suggested training is neither therapy nor self-development (which we have great respect for, by the way.) Therapy and self-development are the methods of working with our consciousness that we are best acquainted within our society, but they are seldom relevant for children, and therefore it is important to explain how they differ from what we propose.

The second main section, ”Sustainability and Empathy,” deals with how important it is that groups of people also develop empathy. How global crises also are crises in mutual international understanding, and how their solutions require better interpersonal relations.

In the same manner, sustainability requires not only an outer, material balance in ecosystems, but also has need of a personal equilibrium and corresponding inner sustainability that assures we don‘t over-exploit our inner life.

We move out of the global perspective and zoom in on the Danish family and primary school, both with regard to the enormous problems they face and the unique opportunities we believe exist at this time. The conclusion these chapters point to is as mentioned: that more than anything, what is needed for children as well as adults is self-accord. And this is something that can be trained.

The third section, ”Training Empathy,” deals with just that – training. Exercises to develop the aforementioned natural skills are explained.

Further examples of how to present the exercises to children are found in the appendix, in addition to how to make the exercises dynamic and how outdoor life creates special opportunities for this educational practice.

What follows is written in adult-level language. But it‘s written with children in mind, in two ways. First and foremost because we believe and have experienced that it is possible to help children enter adult life in a better way than it so often happens. This process is one of this book‘s projects. At the same time, it also is meant to speak to the child in us all. Every single adult who moves toward greater self-accord and a better feel for their fellow human beings also, without exception, strengthens their contact to the direct and spontaneous happiness that comes naturally to a normal child, to all of us. A happiness we can achieve again, not as a step backwards toward childhood, but as an unfurling of potential, with our adult bodies and mature consciousness to revive the child inside us.

We would like to thank those who have helped us with this book. Hanne Jacobsen and Bjørn Winther, who have done a great deal of the teaching in the courses set up by The Danish Society for the Promotion of Life Wisdom in Children and have contributed to parts of the exercise appendix.

Martin Fasting, who illustrated the exercises. Renée Toft Simonsen, Katinka Götzsche, Anders Laugesen, and Matias Ignatius, whose writings and conversations have inspired us in connection with our work in the society. And Henriette Due and Birgitte Prahm, for formulating the exercises used in primary schools that come from their many years of experience with them.

Finally, a personal note: we, the authors of this book, have various but professionally specific knowledge about aspects of the lives, nature, and circumstances of children. And we all are parents. But naturally we aren‘t perfect in our relations, whether with children or adults. Our impression is that we make and have made the same mistakes as everyone else. What has brought us together is, among other things, that we want to learn from our mistakes so they are fewer and farther in between.