THE LITTLE BOOK OF BUMS
Copyright © Summersdale Publishers Ltd, 2016
Research by Abi McMahon
All rights reserved.
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CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Introduction
Bum Basics
Bums in Science
Bum Exercises
History of Bums
Bums in Culture
Crafty Bums
INTRODUCTION
Oh yes! The backside is back. The butt is what’s up. But don’t call this a comeback – it’s a renaissance! While society’s obsession with bums seems like a thoroughly modern phenomenon, it can actually be traced back through art, poetry and writing to the dawn of humanity. We’ve always been a fan of some junk in the trunk. This little book traces the history of bottoms, takes a look at the science of the backside, notes the best exercises to tone the glutes, suggests a sweet-ass playlist and contains much more booty besides!
Bum
BASICS
Bone
You’ve (probably) been acquainted with your buttocks for the entirety of your life, but how well do you really know them? What’s in a bottom? Would a bottom by any other name smell as sweet? It depends on the backside in question, but I digress. The building blocks of the butt start with the pelvis. It’s one of the busiest junctions of the body, with the pelvic bone supporting the weight of the torso and the legs attaching via a ball-and-socket joint. The bits that give you your curves and swerves are called the ilium and the iliac crest. They are usually wider on a woman’s pelvis than on a man’s, as women’s pelvises are broader in order to create a wider gap for any babies on their way out.
MALE PELVIS
FEMALE PELVIS
Muscle
Here we get to the meat of the backside: the muscle! The main man in charge of the bottom is a muscle that sounds like it’s named after a Roman emperor: gluteus maximus. Emperor Maximus has two lesser siblings, the gluteus medius and gluteus minimus. The maximus takes all the glory, as it is the muscle largely responsible for the look and shape of the butt, as well as supporting the torso. However, the medius and minimus are the foot soldiers of the backside, responsible for the majority of the leg movements. Sitting on top of the muscle is a layer of fat, known as subcutaneous fat. This is also responsible for the shape of the buttocks, as well as acting as padding and an energy reserve. These are the basics of the bottom, although they are all slightly different from person to person.
Butt types
WHICH BUM ARE YOU?
Pear
Also known as: the ‘A-shape’ or ‘heart-shaped’ booty.
Check for: a waist that is considerably narrower than your hips and a bottom that is most fulsome towards the, er, bottom.
Pros: allegedly ‘scientifically’ the most attractive sort of backside, although we think all bottoms are covered with glory.
Cons: high-waisted shorts create a gappy circle of hell as your bum thinks you’re one size and your waist is convinced you’re another.
Cherry
Also known as: the ‘bubble butt’
Check for: perfectly round, with the widest circumference in the middle.
Pros: pop culture loves a bubble butt! Just ask J-Lo.
Cons: your bum is so outwardly mobile that you need rear-view mirrors to avoid knocking it into people and fragile objects.
Strawberry
Also known as: the ‘V-shape’ buttocks.
Check for: a waist that is narrower than your hips, but also cheeks that taper or ‘slant’ inwards.
• Pros: skinny-fit, boyfriend-fit, high-waisted, you can rock any shape of jeans!
• Cons: you have to work extra hard to achieve a sufficiently percussive ‘clap’ when you’re twerking.
Cake Slice
Also known as: the ‘H-shape’.
Check for: a straight vertical line from waist to hip with no slanting (in or out!). If you trace the shape between the hips and the bottom of the cheeks, it would be square.
• Pros: tight and muscular, this is probably what Wonder Woman’s bum looks like.
• Cons: without an abundance of nature’s own cushions, long journeys can become uncomfortable.
Slang
Bum, butt, arse, backside – these are just a few of the commonly used words for your lower cheeks! But once you start to think of it, actually there are loads of weird and wonderful terms and euphemisms for bum. It makes you wonder if some people see bums wherever they go?