CONTENTS

About the Book

Is it really possible for men to juggle a successful career, fatherhood, ‘me-time’ and looking good? Achieving that elusive balance without going insane requires support and advice. The Man Who Has it All is here to help.

In this inspirational book drawn from the hugely popular Twitter account, From Frazzled to Fabulous helps career men and busy working dads to:

Have an opinion

Do what it takes to thrive

Stay hydrated

Dress in your wow colours

Get a grip on guilt

You too can have it all!

Acknowledgements

I’m grateful to all my supporters on Twitter and Facebook and to the busy dads who found the time to help me with research for this book. I am grateful to my agent and editor who have put up with my hormonal fluctuations and tendency to overreact. And of course I am grateful to my wife for letting me have a little project of my own.

Fathers in the Workplace

NEARLY HALF OF ALL managers admit to thinking twice when it comes to hiring men who have children. But the experience of raising a child can actually make men well suited to the workplace. Companies who do not hire fathers could be turning down an extremely valuable resource.

In this chapter, I bust the myths surrounding fathers in the workplace and call for a more flexible, open and compassionate approach from managers.

Every man has different reasons for his choices and I respect that. This chapter is about those men who, for whatever reason, choose to work.

Doubt

Leaving your kids to go out to work is tough. But, believe it or not, dads do survive. In fact, research shows that children of a career dad can do just as well as children of a stay-at-home dad. Working dads can absolutely be great parents; it’s all about achieving that elusive balance.

Identity

Being a working dad can boost your self-esteem and give you an identity beyond just ‘Dad’. When you have kids, you put yourself at the bottom of the heap. Working reminds you that you are a person in your own right. Fathers are often grateful for the opportunity to be around other adults and reclaim their former child-free selves.

Dad skills

Because children require so much attention, fathers are super-organized and multitasking aces. Don’t minimize the skills you learn as a dad. Here are some of the things I have learned:

Organizational skills

Persistence

Flexibility

Saying ‘no’

Patience

Empathy

Gratitude

TIP

To all independent men. Don’t be afraid of your independence! It’s OK to be a man and be independent. Some women actually find it attractive.

Flexible working

Before you consider embarking on any kind of paid work, remember to ask about family-friendly perks. Some companies make very generous allowances for fathers in the workplace. You shouldn’t be afraid to take advantage of them!

But flexibility can mean different things to different men. It could mean working for one day, or even one hour per week, whatever you feel you can manage.

Dean, 39

Becoming a valued team member

Making friends and being liked is important for getting ahead at work. But being likeable isn’t the only measure of success. Don’t forget that there are other ways to gain respect. For example, you could offer to organize the Christmas party, look after cards and gifts for leavers, keep the staff kitchen clean, run the tea kitty or offer to wash tea towels at the weekend. Your watchwords are ‘helpful’, ‘polite’ and ‘nice’. If you can achieve just one of these, you will become a valuable member of your team.

FACT

Many employers value fathers in the workplace because they work on average three times harder than their child-free counterparts.

Dadpreneurs

For dads who feel daunted by the prospect of fitting in a full-time job alongside everything else, there are many ways to earn a bit of pocket money on the side. Why not join the growing band of ‘dadpreneurs’? Earning your own money means you won’t feel guilty when you splash out on that new pair of little black trousers! Here are a few money-making ideas to bring out your inner entrepreneur:

Babysitting

Flower arranging

Selling unwanted items on eBay

Dog sitting

Card making

Underpants parties

Pampering parties

Daddy blogging

If you were a high-flying career man in your previous life, try not to worry about taking a break. After all, who doesn’t want to be his own boss? This could be your chance to do what you’ve always wanted to do – and this time it’s for you. You could even hook up with like-minded business-savvy dads and join a network such as ‘Dads in Business’ or ‘Men in the Enterprise Hub’. These little get-togethers are not all tea and cake.

Having an Opinion

WHEN EXPRESSING AN OPINION, some men find it hard to come across as measured and informed. Opinionated men often alienate others by being bossy and outspoken, giving all men a bad name. When you’re a man with a fierce opinion, ironically, people will have a lot of opinions about you. Don’t let this stop you from piping up. You have every right to express your opinion in whatever way you choose. I offer men tips on how to be opinionated with grace and good humour.

FACT

Men need a good personality to fall back on because looks fade as we age.

Developing confidence

It is not only attractive but actually very healthy for a man to have an opinion of his own. If you’re unsure of yourself, listen to your wife’s opinions to get one or two ideas. Eventually, as you gain confidence, you may develop your own voice.

If you struggle to make your voice heard at work, try making yourself more visible. Researchers found that men who physically lean in at professional meetings are less likely to be interrupted. Men who lean away, shrinking into themselves, are harder to see and therefore find it harder to be heard.

Pitfalls

Beware, however, of becoming strident, deep-voiced or loud. Regardless of what they say, people don’t like opinionated men. It is absolutely fine to express a view if asked, but take care not to overdo it.

Opinionated men often appear awkward or disagreeable. This can be a real turn-off. A man with an opinion should remain calm, agree with others and always be mindful of how he’s coming across. If in doubt, remain silent. Whatever the rights and wrongs of it, many women prefer their man to say very little or nothing at all. Men should only be professionally and publicly opinionated on the topics of hair, clothes, baking or childcare. This may not seem fair because no one ever questions a woman with an opinion. But smart men know that life isn’t fair; they just get on with it.

TIP

Do people accuse you of being ‘difficult and awkward’ for expressing an opinion? Maybe you could turn the dial down? Just a little.

Why women interrupt men

We speak up in a meeting, only to hear a woman’s voice pitch in louder. We put forward an idea, perhaps too uncertainly, only to have a woman repeat it with authority. We may possess the skill, but she has the right vocal cords – which means we shut up, losing our confidence (or, worse, the credit for the work). The reason for this is not – as it seems to many men – that women seek to deny men a voice. It is simply a matter of style. Women are naturally better at dominating the conversation than they are at taking turns. Equally, men are better listeners, preferring to nurture relationships and make connections. So next time a woman interrupts you, be patient: she can’t help it.

Henry, 28

TIP

Are you viewed as ‘challenging and loud’ for talking in a normal voice at work? Why not try whispering instead?

Don’t be aggressive, be assertive

You’re in a board meeting and the woman sitting opposite you slams her fist down on the table as she makes her point. Another woman gets to her feet to shout her disagreement from across the room. No one bats an eyelid. These two are clearly passionate businesswomen. You speak up, with just as much enthusiasm, only to be told there’s no need to be aggressive. Being assertive is all about adopting a respectful tone and minimizing your threat level to zero. There is a fine line between being aggressive and being assertive. Master it by practising a few simple skills:

Don’t make statements, ask questions

Admit that you’re not 100 per cent sure

Ask a woman what she thinks

Smile and laugh

TIP

Use skincare products with the ‘glow factor’ if you want to be seen and heard at the boardroom table.

The opinionated man

The phrase ‘an opinionated man’ carries a special sting. It is a code phrase for ‘outspoken’ and ‘threatening’. Your words, no matter how well chosen, will be heard through the filter of being a man: hormone-crazed. The phrase suggests that having XY chromosomes and opinions is unmanly. If a woman calls you not just ‘opinionated’ but ‘an opinionated man’, beware: she may be trying to shut you down.

FACT

Behind every strong, sexy, opinionated man is a woman who loves him just the way he is.