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“Whether you have a mature and robust prayer life or are just discovering the joy of personal prayer for the first time, 13 Powerful Ways to Pray will be a true gift for your spiritual life. Father Tobin offers encouragement, instruction, and practical wisdom to help draw you into a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ and the world around you. Especially helpful are insights on praying through periods of pain, conflict, spiritual dryness, and even simply the busyness of day-to-day life.”

“An amazingly thorough and balanced book for every Christian. Anyone, whether a beginner or an established pray-er, can benefit from Fr. Eamon Tobin’s perspective on prayer. I believe that this book will speak to the hearts of all who are seeking God, who is actually seeking us!”

Scripture texts used are taken from the New American Bible with the Revised New Testament copyright © 1986 by the Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, DC, and are used with permission. All rights reserved.

Remembering that I come from a race of people who for hundreds of years have been praying in the Christian way comforts, challenges, and sustains me in my efforts to be a praying person. Reflecting on the fact that my people have been a praying people for so many generations motivates me to keep alive such a wonderful praying tradition and to add to it in some small way.

I am also comforted, challenged, and sustained by the fact that I come from a family for whom prayer was an essential part of life. With affection I remember seeing my father kneeling on the kitchen floor while saying his “morning prayers” before going out to the fields to work all day. I remember my stepmother and my Aunt Daisy making their daily Holy Hour in the midmorning as they went about their morning chores. At midday everyone prayed the Angelus. It was especially edifying to see the big, strong men out in the fields stop their work, take off their caps, and silently pray, “The angel of the Lord declared unto Mary …” After supper in the evening, the whole family (and anyone else who happened to be there) got down on their knees and prayed the Rosary. All of my aunts and uncles were people of prayer. Growing up in such an atmosphere reinforced in me, time and time again, the importance of prayer.

My grade school teacher was a very wonderful and prayerful lady. Consequently, prayer was an important part of my formation during my elementary school years. The high school I attended as a boarder was run by diocesan priests. Daily Mass, morning and evening prayers, and visits to the Blessed Sacrament were integral parts of each day. Each year we also had two retreats.

My seven years in the seminary were in a very special way a time of formation in the varied ways of Christian prayer. Besides the spiritual exercises that were an essential part of daily life, each seminarian had a spiritual director with whom he could chat on a regular basis about his spiritual life.

Since my ordination to the priesthood in 1972, I have tried, with reasonable success, to remain faithful to an hour of personal prayer each day. In my parish work I have also had the opportunity to pray with diverse groups of Protestants and Catholics from whom I have learned much about the art of praying. I share these thoughts in order that you may know something of the background that I bring to this topic. In no way do I consider myself an expert in prayer. I am still very much a beginner and a learner. When it comes to prayer, all persons are perpetual students. Jesus alone is the Master, Teacher, and Expert.

Personally I find prayer to be both a consoling and difficult experience. It is consoling and enjoyable when I believe I am making contact with God whether on a feeling or faith level, when I discover new insights into his ways, when I receive answers to my petitions, and when I simply experience his loving presence and mercy. Praying is difficult for me when I am distracted or unfocused, when my prayer is dry, when I think my efforts to pray are going nowhere, and when I think I have lost contact with God.

I experience all of the common problems that people experience in prayer. I wonder how I should pray. I am often plagued by distractions in prayer. Sometimes I wonder if the time I spend in formal prayer could not be used more effectively. This question, coupled with a busy schedule, sometimes cause me to cut short my prayer time. I find it difficult to integrate prayer and life and see them as one act of worship before God. Sometimes I find prayer to be downright dull and boring, and I wonder how God could be interested or pleased by my feeble attempts to pray.

Despite all these difficulties I still find prayer to be absolutely essential to my life. Prayer is to my spirit what food is to my body. It is the bread of my spiritual life. To quit or neglect prayer is to quit or neglect to care for the core of my being (my spirit) and its deepest desire (intimacy with my Creator). Without prayer I would be a person without the wine of life (see John 2:3), a noisy gong and a clanging cymbal (see 1 Corinthians 13:1). Many, many years ago St. Augustine said that all persons were created for communion with God and that their hearts would never rest until they rested in God. It is my strong belief in these words of Augustine that causes me to persevere in prayer and to say no (at least most of the time) to all of the things that compete with prayer for my time. I also try to remain faithful to prayer because, as a minister of the Lord, I deeply believe that without him I cannot be fruitful. In the Gospel of John, Jesus says:

Ministry not rooted in Jesus the Vine may have all the signs of success, but in reality it will be only “sound and fury signifying nothing” (Shakespeare). Ministry rooted in Christ may seem in the eyes of the world to be a failure, but in the eyes of Jesus, it will be most fruitful. For those who are raised in a work-ethic, do-it-yourself society, it is not easy to believe that hours spent in quiet prayer can bring people closer to the kingdom than their own best laid plans and efforts. For me “wasting time” in prayer expresses my belief that it is God who is the Creator and Transformer of life, who makes the flowers grow and yields a rich harvest. When I begin to substitute work for prayer, I know I am believing the lie that proclaims, “If I work hard enough, things will really happen.” This may be true in the secular realm, but it is certainly not true in the spiritual realm. In the latter “things happen” when I generously cooperate with God’s movement of grace at work in me and outside of me.

Despite the vast number of books available on prayer, I have decided to write another book because I believe each person, as a unique expression of God, can discover something unique about God and how to relate to him. Just as no two sunrises or smiles are exactly the same, no two persons approach prayer in exactly the same way. Therefore, when people speak or write about prayer—when they tell how they relate to God and how God works in them—a new and unique image of prayer comes into being. Speaking more pragmatically, I decided to write this book on prayer because I wanted to gather together what I consider to be some keys to effective prayer (Part One) and some important traditional and contemporary forms of prayer (Part Two).

Finally, this book is intended to be very practical. It is very much a how-to approach to prayer. For example, in Part One I not only speak about some keys to effective prayer, I also offer practical suggestions on how to integrate such keys or basics into one’s daily prayer life. In Part Two I not only explain several different prayer forms, I also offer several examples of how to use them. At the end of each key and each chapter, I include some Questions for Personal Reflection and Small-Group Discussion and a Suggested Prayer Exercise.

He [Jesus] was praying in a certain place, and when he had finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray just as John taught his disciples.” He said to them, “When you pray, say: Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread and forgive us our sins for we ourselves forgive everyone in debt to us, and do not subject us to the final test.”

People often ask: “What is prayer?” The answer to that question is not easy because there is no one definition of prayer that is exhaustive. Most definitions have some element of truth to them, but none of them says it all. Because of this limitation, one definition may be more accurate and helpful to some people, while another definition may be more accurate and helpful to others. It is useful to share different ideas on the meaning of prayer because such sharing can help us to clarify what it is we think we are doing when we pray. It can also help us to become aware of definitions that are not very accurate or helpful. We can only grow or go forward if we are aware of where we are presently standing.

Here are two traditional definitions of prayer that are sometimes criticized today. The first is this: “Prayer is the raising up of the mind and heart to God.” Some spiritual writers criticize this definition because it seems to imply that the primary initiative in prayer is ours and not God’s, that we decide to pray. It would be more accurate to say, “Prayer is our response to God’s touch in our lives.” We pray or call out to God because he has moved us to pray and not because we think it is a good idea to make contact with God. The initiative is always with God. In him we live, move, and have our being. We call out to God only because he has first called out to us. We find God only because he has been looking for us (see Genesis 3:8–9). A key truth to remember in the spiritual realm is that all is gift. We move toward God only because he is inviting us to come and enabling us to move in his direction (see Luke 10:21).

A second, frequently used definition of prayer describes it as “talking to God.” Again the danger here is that we may think that in prayer the initiative is with us and not God. We need to keep in mind that if we talk to God, it is only because he has moved us to talk to him. A second danger in using the “talking to God” description of prayer is that we may think that prayer is basically a monologue wherein we do all the talking and God does all the listening. Central to growth in prayer is learning to listen to what God is saying and where he is guiding us.

Citing St. Thérèse of Lisieux, The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that “prayer is a surge of the heart, it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love embracing both trial and joy” (CCC, 2558). Prayer can also be defined as “opening to God.” In true prayer we expose ourselves to God as sunbathers expose themselves to the sun. Prayer is allowing God to love us; it is our becoming aware of God’s great love for us. We become present and responsive to a God who is all around us and in whom we live, move, and have our being. Prayer is not an attempt to contact a missing, hard-to-find God. Rather it is our graced effort to be open, attentive, and responsive to a God whose presence fills the universe and who frequently becomes present to us in tangible ways.

In the journey to Emmaus, we witness two disciples walking with Jesus (see Luke 24:13–35). At first they do not recognize him as Jesus. Only later did they really recognize who it was who had walked with them. In the same way, many of us may experience God, but we may not recognize the fact. Often only after a particular encounter or event do we recognize that God was present and active in our midst. Thus a big part of prayer is learning to be sensitive to the “in-breakings” of God into the journey of life. To describe prayer as opening to God is particularly helpful when we find prayer difficult because the emphasis is not on our making things happen, but rather on our being open to what God might make happen.

Prayer can also be defined as “the experience of connecting with God.” There are some people we have known by sight for years, having seen them at church or at work, but we have never actually encountered them. Then one day we meet and talk. The potential for meeting or connecting was always there, but it has not happened until now. It is somewhat the same with God and prayer.

God is there—that is, within us and all around us—and we are there, but we just don’t connect. A real “moment of prayer’’ happens when we are gifted with the grace of connecting with God.

Prayer can also be described as “waiting upon the Lord.” Day after day we go to prayer and wait. Sometimes we come away and we are still waiting, hoping, and expecting. But sometimes he comes and fills us with his light, giving us a tiny glimpse of who he is, and then he is gone. Then the waiting begins once again.

Prayer is longing for greater union with God. “As the hind longs for the running waters, so my soul longs for you, O God” (Psalm 42:2).

Prayer is glimpsing the beauty of God, just as we get a glimmer of the sun now and again on a cloudy day.

Prayer is standing before God in radical poverty, without illusions, before the infinite richness of God.

Prayer is discovering all that God has already given us and growing in our appreciation of his gifts.

Finally, prayer can be defined as “a personal relationship with God.” Just as communication, properly used, is a tool that enables us to develop a close relationship with other human persons, so prayer is a tool that will make it more possible for us to develop a loving relationship with God. Consider the parallels. Generally speaking, our ability to relate to God will be no better than our ability to relate to other human beings.

In fact, we can say that our style of relating on a human level will usually manifest itself in our prayer. For example:

• If we rarely give ourselves permission to express our tough feelings—anger, jealousy, inadequacy, and the like—we will probably not talk to God about such feelings. On the contrary, if we have become accustomed to “flying off the handle” with others, we will most likely not have a problem getting angry with God.

The way we are with people is the way we are with God. There is a danger that we fool ourselves into thinking that we are different with God than we are with people. Because we bring our style of communicating with others into our prayer, it is very important for us to be aware of our pluses and minuses in human communication.

Each of us is born with a potential to relate, a potential that must be developed if we are going to communicate effectively with other people. At this point in our lives, that potential to relate has been developed to a lesser or greater extent. If presently our human potential to relate isn’t very good, that will diminish our potential to relate to God through prayer. For example, if we have very little ability to put aside our own concerns and preoccupations in order to be truly present to another, without a miracle of grace we are going to find it very difficult to hear the voice of God. Or if, on the human level, we have developed very little ability to trust others, we may find it hard to trust God. So each of us brings to prayer particular relational strengths and limitations that will probably either help or hinder our relationship with God.

Generally speaking, we can say that as we grow in our ability to relate on a human level, we will be preparing good soil for our relationship with God. Married couples who participate in a Marriage Encounter weekend often report that their newfound ability to relate to each other also enhances their relationship with God. For example, just as the weekend helps them relate to each other more on a heart (sharing of feelings) than head (sharing of thoughts) level, so the weekend helps them relate to God on a heart or feeling level. It is through our human relationships that we develop the skills necessary to better our relationship with God.

While there are many parallels between human and divine-human communication, there are a couple of differences. An obvious one is that we cannot see God, hear his voice, or hold his hand. We have to depend on the gift of faith to believe that God is present to us and that he does indeed speak to us. A much more important difference is that in the divine-human relationship God is always faithful, loving, and merciful. God also has the power to bring about on a divine-human level something that seems unlikely or impossible on a human level. For example, even though we have never really trusted someone on a human level, it is possible that God could bypass our human limitation or heal it, thus enabling us to trust him. So while God usually works through our human gifts and talents, we must never limit God’s work in our lives to such gifts and talents.

This Introduction has examined several definitions of prayer—none of which completely defines it because prayer remains a mystery. We have also seen that the meaning of prayer will change as our relationship with God develops. With this background we can now proceed to examine the four keys to an effective prayer life and explain the various types of prayer.

Questions for Personal Reflection and Small-Group Discussion

1. What spoke to you most in this chapter?

2. What insight in these pages made the greatest impression on you?

3. Which of the above attempts to define prayer appealed to you the most? How would you define prayer?

4. Can you see how we tend to bring our human way of relating into our prayer? Give some examples from your own life.

5. What was your experience with the suggested prayer exercise offered below?

Suggested Prayer Exercise

The next time you spend time in prayer, be attentive to which definition of prayer in this chapter best describes your approach to prayer. Also, be open to a form of prayer that would fit into one of the other descriptions of prayer—e.g., prayer as being open to God.

When it comes to our relationship with God, there are at least four essential keys to an effective relationship with our triune God. Even though each of us prays in a different way, all of us should attend to these four basics in prayer:

1) Developing a positive image of God and self;

2) Being honest with God;

3) Connecting prayer with daily life;

4) Listening to God in prayer.

Before examining each of these keys, it is important to understand the meaning of the words effective and keys when used in connection with prayer.

Effective Prayer: On the human level our attempts to communicate with each other can be effective or ineffective. They may be ineffective because deep down (perhaps unconsciously) either one or both of the parties may not want to communicate. Sometimes the problem is that, despite the presence of good will, very little intimacy is experienced because of a lack of basic communication skills. Some people have poorly developed listening skills; others are unable to confront in a mature way and reconcile differences in a reasonable way. On the other hand, when two people want very much to communicate with each other and have developed some basic communication skills, there is every chance that they will experience a good degree of understanding, trust, acceptance, and intimacy.

Now, just as there is effective and ineffective human communication, there is effective and ineffective divine-human communication. Some people, for example, pray (or rather “say prayers”) all their lives and still do not make contact with God. Their prayer does not seem to affect their lives or the way they communicate with other people. They are often harsh and critical of self and others, have little or no social conscience, and are fearful and anxious about the future. Obviously the prayer or communication of such people is ineffective and leaves much to be desired both with God and with others.

In contrast to such faulty communication, effective prayer, of its very nature, facilitates human and spiritual growth and enhances our relationships with others and with God. It leads to growth in faith, hope, and love of God, others, and self. Effective or real prayer helps us to face evil courageously and place our trust in God when we walk in the valley of darkness (see Psalm 23). Effective prayer opens us to the experience of God’s unconditional love and the acceptance of his incomprehensible ways. It gradually helps us to be attentive and responsive to the needs of others, especially the poor. Finally, effective prayer should help us accept and integrate the different dimensions and strivings of our being.

If these growth patterns are not developing in our lives, then maybe we should reevaluate our way of praying. Of course, the benefits of effective prayer will not happen overnight. In fact, there will be periods of time when we wonder if anything positive is happening in our prayer life. But over the long haul, we can expect to grow closer to God and others if our prayer is honest and genuine.

Keys to Effective Prayer: The word keys does not imply that if we do certain things (press certain keys), we will automatically experience intimacy with God. Such belief would be seriously mistaken and blind us to the fact that, in the spiritual life, all is gift and union with God cannot be earned. The use of the word keys refers to some basic truths that we need to pay attention to so that we become receptive soil for God’s transforming work in us. The phrase receptive soil reminds us that prayer and its goal, our transformation in Christ (see Galatians 4:19), are pure gift. All we can do is pray for this gift and do what we can to create the conditions that will make us good soil for God’s transforming work. William Shannon, in Seeking the Face of God, writes: “It is true to say we don’t pray, but rather we let it happen in us. The best we can do is to prepare and dispose ourselves to let it happen.’’ The following four chapters will examine the four keys needed to help us prepare for an effective relationship with God.

If we really know ourselves to be loved by God, sooner or later our spontaneous response will be to love God in return… . The more rooted we are in love, the more generously shall we live our faith and put it into practice… . The knowledge that God loves us enables us to love ourselves without excuse and without questioning. We love ourselves as we are because our faith has convinced us that God does so.

Few factors have the potential to affect the quality of our prayer life as much as our image of God and self. On a human level, the image and feelings we have for another person and how we perceive the other person to feel about us will usually have a tremendous effect on how we relate to that person. For example, we will approach and relate to a person whom we love and whom we perceive loves us in a different way than we will to a person for whom we have little or no feeling and whom we think does not particularly care for us. Our own self-image also will affect the way we approach and relate to people. If we have a positive image of ourselves, we will go out to people and relate to them with confidence, assuming they will like us. If we think we are not very lovable, we will approach people with self-doubt, fearful that they may reject us and not find us lovable. And if we believe that people will only accept us when we behave in certain ways, we will be inclined to be unreal with them, behaving only in ways we perceive to be acceptable to them.