LOVE YOUR JIGGLE!
THE GIRL’S GUIDE TO BEING MARVELOUS
Copyright © 2016 by Shanterra McBride
All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher. For more information, contact: Crystal Spirit Publishing, Inc., P.O. Box 12506, Durham, NC 27709. www.crystalspiritinc.com
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ISBN: 978-0-990-4556-6-0
eISBN: 978-0-9904556-7-7
This an inspirational book for girls ages 11-17. Topics covered include self-esteem, maintaining friendships, decision making, conflict management, self-empowerment and diversity. The messages are positive relating to growing up and being the best and most marvelous girl they can be.
Names: McBride, Shanterra, author | Wiseman, Rosalind, 1969-writer of foreword.
Title: Love your jiggle! : the girl’s guide to being marvelous / Shanterra McBride ; foreword by Rosalind Wiseman.
Description: [Durham, North Carolina] : Crystal Spririt
Publishing, Inc., [2016] | Audience: Pre-teen, teen girls.
Identifiers: ISBN: 978-0-990-4556-6-0 | LCCN: 2016954205
Subjects: LCSH: Teenage girls--Life skills guides. | Preteen girls—Life skills guides. | Self-actualization (Psychology) | Self-acceptance.| Self-esteem. | Self-realization. | Teenage girls—Health and hygiene.| Interpersonal relations. | Friendship. | Decision making. | Bullying.| Conflict management. | Cultural pluralism. | Beauty, Personal.
Classification: LCC: HQ798 .M32 2016 | DDC: 305.235/2—dc23
Edited by AUTUMN J. CONLEY
Cover Design by DĀRTA LIEPKALNE
Interior Design by ARC MANOR, LLC.
Published in the United States of America for Worldwide Distribution
Published by Crystal Spirit Publishing, Inc.
Printed in the United States of America
DEDICATION
This book is written in loving memory of
and dedication to
Ella Williams (February 23, 1933 to August 29, 2016).
You always told me, “Try it, and that way, you’ll
always know.”
and
Helen Armstead (August 27, 1935 to March 20, 2016),
who always told me to take risks because, “You just
don’t never know.”
THANK YOU
On the evening of February 11, 2010, at nearly midnight, I went to bed and said aloud, as in a prayer, “If you want me to be a writer, the least you can do is tell me what to write.”
A few hours later, on February 12, 2010, at 2:13 a.m., I woke up and wrote the outline and actually a few pages of this work you now hold in your hands. Since that time, I have shared my vision with a handful of people, and they have been with me every step of the way.
First, thank you to my parents, Clifford and Esther Armstead. You’ve always supported my big visions, even when you were thinking, “Is she crazy?” I thank my entire family, too many precious people to name individually. You all make me who I am, and I am thankful for your faith, humor, consistency, and the closeness we share.
To the Life timers, Talisha and Jada, the Cali Cousins, the Tribe, Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. [Kappa Mu, Rho Delta Omega, Alpha Xi Omega], Capital Reserva, GLC, Femeia, Rosalind, Kimberly Boyd-Lewis, Melvene, Jenita, and Brandi, thank you. You have dreamt with me, laughed with me, cried with me, encouraged me, pushed me to write, and listened to me throughout this journey. I am thankful for the gift each of you represents to me. Vanessa S. O’Neal, thank you for seeing the vision from the very beginning. Claude, thank you for showing me the beauty of having vulnerability and safety at the same time.
To every student who allowed me to pour into your lives, even when it was tough to hear, thank you. You taught me and allowed me to teach you.
To every school, church, and community organization who has ever invited me to speak and allowed me top our into your students and community, thank you for trusting me with those you love.
To my godchildren, Brielle, Lincoln, and Bailey, you are my legacy. I thank God for you and look forward to the day when you realize how brilliant and free you really are.
Finally, to Teyana, you are the daughter I prayed for, even if you were gifted to me when you were 16 years old. Thank you for teaching me to eat the chocolate and buy the shoes, and to never say, “the Snapchat.” You, my dear one, solidified my purpose.
CONTENTS
FOREWORD
by Rosalind Wiseman
INTRODUCTION
by Shanterra (aka Marvelous McBride)
RULE 1:
Define what friendship means for you and be that kind of friend.
RULE 2:
Love your jiggle!
RULE 3:
Decide when you want to have sex and stick to it.
RULE 4:
Be vulnerable and brave and take risks.
RULE 5:
Save, serve, and give.
THE NEXT STEPS TO BEING MARVELOUS
FOREWORD
by Rosalind Wiseman
What do you need to raise a confident and healthy daughter and keep your sanity? It’s an entirely reasonable question for any parent to ask. Raising a girl can have some serious challenges. Between body image issues, problems with friends, and technology infiltrating every aspect of your daughter’s life, there’s a lot out there to make your daughter’s head and heart spin. And then there’s you, the person who loves and cares for this girl who has to walk by her side as she navigates all this. The only problem is sometimes she doesn’t want to talk to you about any or all of this. Or, maybe she does tell you…“So then Crystal was really mad at Kerry and she wanted me to side with her against Kerry but I wasn’t really sure because Crystal was being annoying too but I couldn’t tell her that because then she’s my best friend. And Becca is trying to be best friends with Crystal too and lying about Kerry. And now Crystal mad at me and hanging out with Becca all the time. I don’t know what to do…What should I do?”
And it’s really understandable to not be able to keep track of the girls names, or think she should just concentrate on school and her other activities and not get involved in other girls’ drama, so you tell her some advice and she looks at you like you just…don’t….get…it.
You both need a guide. Someone who can get her to focus on what’s really important to her, find her passions, and help her think through the very important question of should she tell Crystal what she really thinks?
You have found that guide. Shanterra McBride as the person we all want in our village—you know the village I’m talking about. The one that people always refer to when we say “It takes a village to raise a child.” Well…sometimes there are people in your village that aren’t so awesome. Our job as parents is to identify the people in our village that are awesome. And that’s exactly who Shanterra McBride is. She’s the adult you want alongside your daughter who will tell her all the things you want her to and…your daughter will listen. She cares about your daughter, she’ll listen to her without judgment (but she will most definitely have opinions) and she’ll tell your daughter some spot on wisdom. I’ve seen her do it countless times because she’s made it her mission to help girls reach their full potential. It’s her passion and calling to help girls find their voice and to feel proud of themselves inside and out.
As she reads Love Your Jiggle, there will be many opportunities to ask her what she thinks about what she’s reading and thinking. Ask her what “jiggle” means and be prepared to have an honest conversation about how hard it is not to be caught up in the body image baggage so many women carry around with them. Let this book be a springboard for amazing conversations and learning.
Rosalind Wiseman
INTRODUCTION
Dear Adult,
First, thank you for entrusting me with the opportunity to pour into your marvelous girl, that girl you love and have purchased this book for. I consider it an honor, one I take very seriously. It is an honor I treat with care, thoughtfulness, and compassion.
That said, I would like to tell you, with love, that this book is not for you. I know you’re thinking, “Duh, Shanterra. I know that!” I know you do. However, there may be a small, tiny, miniscule part of you that wants to read what your dear girl writes in her book or wants to watch her while she reads—you know, just to see how she responds to certain parts (especially Chapter 3). Not only do you want to watch and wait for her responses, but you may also want her to immediately share with you everything she is thinking or writing. I get it, because I would want to know too! I have one small request though: Give her space! Wait and let her come to you. You can trust that she will.
You purchased this book because you understand that you have a developing young lady on your hands, a girl who is growing and changing, like every other girl her age. I’m not talking about developing physically, even though that is probably happening too. What I’m talking about is youth development, the process by which every young person seeks ways to meet their basic physical and social needs. She is searching for ways to build competence, based off her own unique, individual knowledge and skills that are necessary to succeed in adolescence and adulthood.
Youth development is inescapable; every young person goes through it, with or without our involvement. Your marvelous girl will develop, because it’s part of life. She will go through adolescence into adulthood. It just happens. She won’t remain at this current stage. (Thank goodness, right?). Again, she will move on with or without our involvement.
I know this makes it sounds like the adult who loves her is pretty helpless, but this isn’t true. There is hope, because even though she’s going to develop with our without us, if she allows us to be a part of her development, we can help her by way of our approach to that development.
Wait…if she allows us? Yes! Anytime a girl trusts me with a story, an experience, or even a round of carpool karaoke, those moments are really her allowing me to be part of her development. My approach to all these experiences is what allows her to trust me with more moments. If I cut off her story, diminish her experience, or change the station when she’s singing her heart out, my approach to her development is simply not a good one, and she will not react well to it.
In regard to her development, this book is one of the greatest gifts you can give her during this time. Part of this crucial stage in her life includes helping her meet the seven basic needs every young person has. These needs are not specific to girls, but since this book is, I’ll focus on young ladies.
The seven needs of youth are as follows:
1. Belonging and Membership
2. Self-Worth and the Ability To Contribute
3. Self-Awareness and the Ability To Reflect and Assess
4. Independence and Control over One’s Life
5. Closeness and a Lasting Relationship with At Least One Adult
6. Competency and Mastery
7. Safety and Structure
Of these youth needs, this book will focus mainly on self-awareness and the ability to reflect and assess. Your marvelous girl has a need to be self-aware and to be able to reflect and assess, and this book will allow her to do just that.
As she begins to meet these needs for herself, if you take the right approach, she will most likely continue her reflection with you. If not with you, perhaps she will seek another adult, someone you both trust, who is like a big sister or mentor to her. This closeness and lasting relationship with an adult will help her process her thoughts, and it also meets another of her youth needs.
See how much you’ve done for her already by purchasing this book for her? She may not realize it, but she’ll thank you later. I can’t thank you enough for allowing me to partner with you on this journey of raising your marvelous girl.
WITH GRATITUDE,
Shanterra
Dear Marvelous Girl,
Well, hey there! I’m sure you’re looking at the title of this book and wondering, “What in the world is a ‘jiggle’?” What a great question…and I promise we’ll tackle it soon.
Right now, I want to focus on the second part of the title, The Girl’s Guide To Being Marvelous. That’s a big word, right? I think so, too, but it’s also a great word that comes with a lot of benefits, especially when you believe it for yourself.
I’ve had the great privilege of working with girls for over…Well, I’ll just say for quite some time, in schools, community organizations, churches, sport teams, and even in my own family. Whenever I meet a new group, I always do an exercise with them to help me remember their names. I ask each girl to give me an adjective that describes her, one that begins with the first letter of her name, like Joyful Jessica or Mysterious Mischa. This helps me learn the names but also a bit about each individual’s personality.
that
