reading

Introduction

“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.”

—Diane Mariechild

I wrote this book at my dining room table in my Brooklyn apartment during the summer of 2015. I had just left my big, six-figure career in digital advertising at MTV Networks a few months earlier to pursue my passion. I had been hustling on the side to build my business as a life coach and writer for six years before finally quitting MTV, and now I was a brand-new, full-time entrepreneur. I was thrilled. I was terrified. And I had no idea what was in store for me.

At the time, I never imagined that Girl Code would become what it has, a movement, and one that has made its way around the globe. I have watched women in places like London, Tokyo, Florida, New York, Chicago, Paris, Brazil, Dubai, New Jersey, and more discover this manifesto for personal empowerment and straight-up sisterhood. I have watched them apply it to their own lives and careers and share it with their friends, peers, and even strangers. I have hugged women who have told me this book has changed their lives. I have received e-mails, handwritten cards, and messages from women who felt like they were finally given a sense of hope and understanding from someone who believed in them. I have even heard from one woman who told me my words saved her from suicide.

This is not something I take lightly. These stories are a testament to the fact that, as women, we are starving for support. They prove that even though we often find ourselves wrapped up in feelings of jealousy and comparison, that’s not the way we want to feel. They also prove that if we do the work of rewiring our thought patterns, shifting our mind-sets, and truly practicing Girl Code, we can become happier and more successful than we ever dreamed possible. The success of Girl Code does not mean my job is done. It means my work has just begun. And I’m so ready to reach even more women and help us continue to grow—together.

By this point I know you’re wondering, What is Girl Code anyway? And how do I unlock it to feel all these warm, fuzzy feelings too? If you’re new to this book, allow me to give you some background.

When I began connecting with women during my journey into entrepreneurship, I saw two things happening: one group of women who seemed ultracompetitive, catty, and downright miserable and another group who seemed to be thriving, supportive, and genuinely thrilled to be alive every single day.

I knew immediately that I wanted in with the latter team. And not only did I want in, I wanted to analyze their behavior, soak up their sunshine, and figure out how to apply their philosophies to my own life and career.

There is no denying the fact that running a business is hard work. And even after hiring the best business coaches, reading every marketing newsletter under the sun, and watching countless webinars, nothing will change until you change your mind-set, until you believe that you can and will become successful, until you eliminate your negative thoughts, until you learn to say “no” to the things that do not serve you, and until you surround yourself with positive, empowering women who are truly walking their walk.

Sadly, it’s not so easy to do all of this.

It’s no secret that women get a bad rap for being jealous and catty. Not only have I seen this all around me, I’ve participated in it in the past (I’m just being honest here). I’ve been the girl who gossiped about another, and I’ve been the girl who has been gossiped about. And guess what? It’s miserable both ways.

So why do women keep falling victim to the trap of jealousy, comparison, negativity, and cattiness? Why hasn’t everyone discovered just how fabulous life can be when we empower each other rather than tear each other down? I’m not sure, but I’ll tell you one thing: life on the other side is wonderful.

In the spring of 2008, I started a blog called The Champagne Diet. It was an outlet for me to chronicle my own personal life transformation and quickly became a form of therapy. Every week I’d share stories with my readers and try to teach a lesson through each one of them. I found purpose through my own pain and ultimately began connecting with my readers who I became so passionate about helping as they experienced their own transformations.

Each week e-mails would roll in from women around the world who had read my latest blog post. I took time out to respond to every single person who reached out to me. If she had questions, I answered them as best as I could. If she just needed an ear, I listened. If she wanted to celebrate her success, I raised my virtual champagne glass and toasted her.

The power of connection I experienced through my blog was palpable. Being able to talk to women from places like Australia, the United Kingdom, and Sweden was remarkable to me. No matter what our backgrounds were, we all shared the same fears and the same desires. The energy exchanged between me and my community of readers is something that is hard for me to put into words. I knew I was touching women by sharing parts of my own life; and they were touching me by sharing parts of theirs. I wasn’t quite sure what was happening at the time, or where The Champagne Diet blog would lead me, but I knew it was guiding me to something big.

Fast-forward to today and I’ve turned that blog into a rewarding and successful career. I am now a certified Master Life Coach and best-selling personal development author with a library of inspirational books for women. I’ve had features written about me in Glamour, Shape, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, and many other magazines worldwide, and I’ve appeared on both national and regional television shows around the United States. I host a top-rated podcast called Style Your Mind and an online community called the Slay Baby Collective that extends to live girl-power meet ups around the world. I turned a little unknown blog into a full-fledged prosperous career.

Truth be told, what I do feels like so much more than a job. It feels like my life’s work, my mission, and my purpose. It’s what I live and breathe every single day. I see myself as the mouthpiece to a movement that was already bursting at the seams, and Girl Code seems to have arrived just in time. I feel that this book has tapped into something that was missing but much needed—a “secret sauce” for success that in retrospect seems so obvious to me. The notions of support and connection often go overlooked in the busy world of business building and professional development.

To date, I’ve helped thousands of women shift their thinking into happier, more positive and productive spaces and ultimately transform their lives and their careers for the better. I’ve coached women around the world, and I have become especially passionate about working with female entrepreneurs. I know what it’s like to blaze your own trail and pursue your passions. I know what it’s like to be questioned by others who don’t understand why you’d ever want to take such a “risky” path. I know what it’s like to not have a roadmap to success. I know what it’s like to feel alone.

I also know what it’s like to find those few people who do get it. To find the people who are willing to share their secrets, open a door for you, or sometimes just have a glass of wine—or three—with you and listen. Nothing excites me more than watching women connect on a real, raw level and form honest friendships and support systems with one another. It happens at every single one of my meet-ups and in my online community, and I’m in awe of it every time. And so are the women who experience it. I like to think those early blogging days rooted me in a place of empowerment. I saw early on just how magical it is to connect, and I bring that passion to the work I do today.

But it’s not like this everywhere. In fact, the women who come to me for guidance are usually lacking a support system in their own lives. Many of my readers and clients have experienced jealousy, negativity, and drama from their peers, female friends, and even family members, especially when taking a leap of faith and embarking on the world of entrepreneurship. It’s not an easy road to take, and its often met with a lot of discouragement and fear from those who can’t relate. The women on this path are desperately craving the presence of other like-minded women to celebrate their success with. They genuinely want to lift those other women up themselves. They recognize the power of connection and know how integral it is to the success in their lives and their businesses.

After watching the women at my events and in my online community connect with one another, form lasting bonds, and benefit from the wisdom and insight I openly share, I knew I had to write this book. What you have in front of you chronicles the tools and strategies I share with my clients that help them live their best lives. I’m going to share my story about how I built an entire brand all about empowering other women, and I am going to share stories of what goes on behind the scenes in this glittering, glorious world of female empowerment and straight-up girl power.

I’ve also included interviews with other fabulous entrepreneurs who are living by the same set of rules. These women have all had a personal impact on my life, and I adore each one of them. They are leaders in their industry, and they are examples of what is possible when you face your fears, believe in yourself, and make female empowerment a part of your success story. The perspective and wisdom they are about to share with you is priceless, and I couldn’t be more excited that they chose to participate in this project.

And this updated version of Girl Code features two brand-new interviews that I’m especially excited about. You’ll get to meet my girl rocker idol, Shirley Manson, from the band Garbage, and my good friend and PR pro extraordinaire, Gwen Wunderlich, from Wunderlich Kaplan Communications. Both women bring a fresh edge to this book, and I know you’ll love what they have to say.

No matter where you are in your career, I know you’re going to get a lot from this book. Girl Code is geared toward female entrepreneurs, professional women, “side hustlers” (those with a day job who are building a business on the side), and anyone in between who wants to become a better woman. This book will not teach you how to build a multimillion-dollar business or climb the corporate ladder. It won’t teach you about systems or operational processes. But it will teach you how to build confidence in yourself, reconnect with your “why,” eradicate jealousy, and ultimately learn the power of connection. Because at the end of the day, that’s what life and business is all about.

I sit here today very much the same girl who wrote this book two years ago and very much changed. I’m still listening to 1980s music with a giant cup of coffee by my side, but now I have short pink hair and a world of experience under my belt—and, perhaps the most exciting part, a publisher. As a previously self-published author, having a team of experienced, seasoned, passionate people behind this mission is something I am incredibly grateful for. And I could not have earned that without the support of my readers and the women who have bought this book, talked about this book, and truly practiced Girl Code.

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. If this is your second (or third) time reading this book, thank you for believing in me and helping me spread this message. If this is your first time picking it up, thank you for giving me a chance to share this with you. If I’ve learned anything through this thing called life (points if you get the Prince reference!), it’s that we are better together. A life filled with cutthroat competition pales in comparison to a life filled with sisterhood and collaboration. If you’ve ever found yourself searching for more meaning, more love, and more possibility in both your life and in your business, then hold on tight, sister. We’re going to find it. Together.

PORTFOLIO PENGUIN

Contents

GIRL CODE

THE BEGINNING

Introduction