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Introduction

Definition of LOVE

Webster’s Dictionary defines love as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Love is attraction based on sexual desire; affection and tenderness felt by lovers. An assurance of affection. Warmth attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion. Finally… an unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another.

These are great qualities of love, but not a definition. Love can be described as a feeling, usually referred to as "Falling in Love", but love is a blend of feeling and commitment. Anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship understands that you may not always like or feel lovingly toward your partner... and during those times YOUR commitment of love will carry you through. I once knew a great woman, she was divorced and happily remarried for quite a number of years. I asked her what the secret to a long and happy marriage was. She responded, “Well, you have your good years and bad years”. That was monumental to me and still is. Think about it… she didn’t say you’ll have your good days and bad days, or weeks, or months. She said good YEARS and bad YEARS.

Love is a blend of feeling and commitment to cherish, honor, respect, and build another person; even on the days you have not been cherished, honored, or respected. In intimate love… I’d add romance. Both men and women desire to be romanced; it's you job to find out what that means to your partner.

I have been a therapist, marriage counselor, and Founder and CEO of You Evolving Now for many years and want to share with you my 7 Ways to Love. These are the 7 things that tend to make or break relationships over the long haul. Do them together and enjoy a happier life. Don’t and… exist like everyone else. Look around… is that what you really want? Are you ready to EVOLVE? Enjoy 7 Ways to Love!

Chapter 1

Get Your Triangle Right

In this frantic pace of life, it’s easy to let the daily duties of the day become more important than living a more EVOLVED way. It’s easy to let your life, your kids, your job, and the day to take over. Now add this up day by day after day, month after month, year after year, decade after decade… how can happiness, joy, love, and relationships win?

We are all busy in our own way… throughout my time as a marriage counselor and CEO of You Evolving Now, I have encounter numerous men and women and hear the same thing. Typically, men pridefully say and defend themselves with, “I work, work, work”. Women tend to say with pride, “My life revolves around my kids”. Do you know where they say this… in counseling with their marriage hanging by a thread or already over. Work is necessary, but cannot be the only thing that brings value to you or the relationship. I’m sure your kids are amazing, but what does your partner hear, when you say “My life revolves around my kids?… That they are not important, can be pushed aside, put on hold, and are irrelevant. So what to do?

Let’s get your triangle right! Imagine a triangle… at the top is your faith. If you are a faith-based person and your faith helps you to be a better person, have a better relationship, and live an honorable life… that is at the top. If you are not a faith-based person… talk with your partner about your dreams, motto, and vision for your relationship and family. This is what guides you… not the kids, not your job, and not the duties of the day. What kind of relationship and lifestyle do you both wish to have and enjoy?

On the bottom-right side of the triangle, is you and your partner. This is the person you have chosen, love, and respect… remember to cherish, love, respect, date, and care for each other… and make sure your kids witness it!

On the bottom-left side of the triangle, is YOU. It’s necessary to care for yourself, treat yourself, follow YOUR dreams, and live your best life. The kids are not forgotten… they are in the middle of your triangle. All points of your triangle will revolve around them filling them with love, lessons, and direction.

If your job is on the top… what happens when that job goes away? If your children are on the top… it breeds entitlement, parental servitude, and… the kids are supposed to leave one day. What will it be like ending up in a house with someone you’ve neglected for 20 plus years? They may no longer be the person you remembered… add resentment, possible dissatisfaction and/or lack of interest… and you have a recipe for possible disaster. So… get your triangle right and EVOLVE!!!

Chapter 2

It’s Always “Too Something”

In today’s hectic pace of life, you are busy! Busy with work, with the kids, the schedule, the house, etc. You are moving at warp speed; getting things done and checked off the list… only to wake up tomorrow and repeat. At this pace, it’s always going to be “Too Something”. Too busy to slow down, too busy to take a vacation, too busy to date your partner, too tired to be intimate, too comfortable to meet new people, too comfortable to change… always too something!

There is no one willing to give you more time. It’s the most valuable asset you have… In order to live your best life and EVOLVE, you will need to take it and make it. Take time and make to time spend with yourself to relax, plan, and recharge. Take time and make time to spend with your significant other; date, relax, talk, and be! Take time and make time to date your children; get to know them without the schedule of events and command statements… or else it will always be “Too Something” to have the relationships you want, live the life you desire, or become who you could be.

What have you/are you missing out on because it’s “Too Something”? What will you take and make time for, allowing you and your relationships to EVOLVE?

Chapter 3

The Great Demotion

Remember when you were younger and had all of the time in the world to do the things you wanted to do! Remember being in college and the whole world was for you and all the decisions you made were for and about you… where you lived, who you lived with, where you were going, and what to do for the day. Having a social life was of the utmost importance; coming and going when and how you wanted. They were great memories…and some… not so much, but it was certainly all about you! Then came love, then came marriage, then came babies in the baby carriage… and you became smaller and smaller, less and less important, and more and more insignificant as your new name… Mommy, Daddy, Hun, and Honey took over. Today, If you actually heard someone say your real name in your own home it would be odd!

So many men have consciously or unconsciously demoted themselves on the depth chart, their wants, and needs due to work; while so many women have demoted themselves on the depth chart due to work and their role as a mother. Although the sacrifice and compromise sounds noble, life and relationships cannot only be about sacrifice and compromise. It’s not only important, but necessary to care for and treat yourself! Allowing your wants and caring for your needs; leaves you full and replenished enough to be your best self, partner, parent, professional; allowing you the ability to EVOLVE and thoughtfully give to those you love and care for.

As you are sacrificing and shrinking, what’s growing and building?… resentment, anger, loneliness, frustration! Of course, our children, their schedules, our homes, our jobs are important… but so are YOU! As you care for the rest of the things in your life as if they are most important; remember… jobs can come and go and your children are supposed to grow and leave… at some point it will be only you and your partner… and perhaps… only you. Work on your vision, the couple you want to be, and the person you’d like to be and EVOLVE!!! I know… time is the issue and there is not enough of it! The question becomes… do you have time to be miserable? Do you have time to get divorced? People make time to do what they really want to do… Life will BE different, when YOU do different and promote yourself up the depth chart! Happy EVOLVING!!!