Leah escapes from a train bound for a death camp – along with a surprising friend, a kind-natured German Shepherd dog. Discovered in France by an RAF pilot, the traumatised Leah wakes to find she’s forgotten everything. Fostered by the pilot and Meg, his wife, Leah becomes Lily, remembering nothing of her former life. However, war and tragedy shatter their lives. With their home in ruins and Lily’s adopted father missing in action, Lily and Meg are forced to flee to the country.
In the Somerset countryside, Lily is reunited with Rudy, the heroic German Shepherd, while Meg finds herself subject to the attentions of a local criminal – and the village policeman. Before long, it becomes clear that Rudy isn’t just watching over Lily – he’s protecting Meg too, and someone wants him out of the way. Lily and Rudy’s unlikely friendship could be the only thing that saves them…
Lizzie Lane was born and brought up in one of the toughest areas of Bristol, the eldest of three siblings who all came along before her parents got round to marrying. Her mother, who had endured both the depression and war years, was a natural-born storyteller, and it’s from her telling of actual experiences of the tumultuous first half of the twentieth century that Lizzie gets her inspiration.
Lizzie now lives in Bath, preferring to lead a simple life where she can write without interruption.
Also by Lizzie Lane
Wartime Brides
Coronation Wives
A Christmas Wish
A Wartime Family
A Wartime Wife
Home For Christmas
Wartime Sweethearts
War Baby
Home Sweet Home
War Orphans
In her dream she was back in Austria, the country where she’d been born, dancing around a picnic table spread with food of every description: creamy slices of confectionery, pies and succulent pieces of chicken; puddings, plums, pears and freshly baked bread spread with bright yellow butter.
Her father’s English friends were visiting and she had the chance to practise her English on them. Her father smiled with pride on hearing her.
‘Perfect! Just perfect.’
The sun was shining across the great expanse of lawn and the air was full of the smell of flowers. The breeze whispered through the leaves of the oak tree beneath which the sumptuous picnic had been set. White linen tablecloths flapped on square iron-framed tables.
Walking across the lawn, his head and shoulders dappled with sunlight, she saw her father looking handsome and strong in his dark grey suit, smiling through the thickness of his beard. Her mother drifted through the assembled guests, nodding and smiling at each one, her chiffon tea dress floating behind her like the open wings of a butterfly, pale lilac streaked with purple. The laughter and animated conversation mingled with the sound of bees buzzing from one summer rose bush to another. Their buzzing became louder and, as it did so, petals fell from the roses, the laughter and conversation diminishing.
Her attention was suddenly drawn to the edge of the pond where what looked like bees rose in a gigantic pillar, spiralling upwards in a noisy black swarm. Mesmerised, she watched as the buzzing changed to something else, a terrifying sound like the clattering of many feet pounding on a wooden bandstand. Her father back by her side, she tugged at his sleeve but he did not answer. His expression was grave and her mother’s face had turned white, her pale skin tightening over her high cheekbones. Her mouth opened unnaturally wide, her dulcet voice suddenly a blood-curdling scream. The dream vanished. Reluctant to leave the dream and the past behind, Leah squeezed her eyes tightly shut, willing herself to go back to sleep, to return to how things used to be: full of colour, happiness and light. Not like now. Not the horror of what was now. In the feeble light of a candle she saw an elongated shadow stretch across the wall, its legs and arms as thin as sticks, half its body trailing over the ceiling. Elements of her dream resurfaced as she sucked in her breath. Who was this creature? What was he doing in her bedroom, a lovely place of lilac and mauve with pretty white furniture?
‘Get out of my room!’ she wanted to shout, but no sound came out, the words stilled in her throat like a lump of food she’d failed to chew and swallow properly. Not that it could be food. Food was precious and eaten quickly.
Her pretty bedroom of pastel colours was replaced by mudlike tones and lumpy walls, dark green window frames and dingy curtains bearing more than a passing resemblance to old potato sacks – which they might once have been. More awake now, she recognised the smell of the room they all shared: the damp mouldiness of crumbling plaster, the accumulation of cooking smells from both this room and others nearby; rooms lived in by refugees like them, people with little choice of where they could go and what they could expect from those who begrudgingly gave them shelter. She knew now that the scrawny shadow twice the height of a normal man was that of her father leaping from his bed.
Reality crowded in on her. This place was not Austria. This place was not her bedroom. Back in Austria she’d had her own bedroom with a violet-coloured counterpane and wallpaper sprinkled with tiny lilac flowers. They’d lived in a beautiful house with many rooms. The garden had been idyllic. It was always summer in the garden, or had seemed that way to her. Her father, a professor of economics at the university, had his own study and their kitchen had been large. There had also been servants. But everything had changed when Hitler came to power.
At first her parents had done their best to protect her from the truth, teaching her at home when she was no longer allowed to go to school. ‘The school is being renovated and reorganised,’ they had said, but something inside told her otherwise. Her school had gone. Her friends had gone. Her world had turned upside down and fear had made her nervous and disbelieving of anything her parents told her. She didn’t need to be told they were living on the edge of a precipice. She could feel it.
‘Your father is on a sabbatical,’ her mother had told her when her father no longer went to the university. Then their house had been taken and her father, Professor Rudolph Westerman, had taken the decision to leave Austria and head for France.
‘The French motto is “liberty, equality, fraternity”; we will be safe in such a country,’ he’d confidently declared. So with the minimum of money and a few belongings stuffed into three shoddy suitcases – expensive ones might look as if they contained valuable items and were likely to be searched – they had fled to France.
For a while there had been safety but no beautiful house with a study and a garden. At first they’d had two rooms, but so many people were now fleeing Austria and Germany in hope of a safety that seemed increasingly precarious as jackboots marched and subjugated one country after another. Then there was only one room and, although the roof leaked and the shutters didn’t quite fit, they’d felt safe – until now. War was declared and France was invaded.
For a while, before Dunkirk, they had held on to a faint hope. Her father had been full of confidence: ‘The allies will hold them back.’ But Rudy Westerman’s hopes had been in vain. Germany stormed through the Ardennes and into a country still fighting in the manner of the Great War: a static defence from behind the Maginot Line. The Germans had merely driven round it. Paris had fallen and, like a plague, the invaders had spread swiftly across the country. Now here they were.
The tall apartment block echoed with noise, thuds, screams and shouted orders. Leah cowered at the side of her bed. If it wasn’t for the suitcases stuffed beneath it, she would have hidden there. A draught of cold air filtered into the room; Leah shivered. Her father had opened the door a fraction. He peered through the gap before shutting it firmly with both hands, palms flat as though that would keep out the threat to his family.
‘We have to go.’
‘No—’ Her mother’s voice was a long wail.
‘Rachel! We have to go. We cannot stay here. They are ordering us out. We must obey or …’
His wife broke down into tears, shoulders trembling, her face hidden in her hands. Rudy Westerman turned to his daughter.
‘Dress, Leah. Quickly.’
‘But I thought we could stay here,’ Leah whined, hoping her plaintive pleas would have some effect. ‘Anyway, it’s still night-time.’ She glanced tellingly at the mantle clock. Two o’clock in the morning. It was still dark and she was sleepy. Hungry too. At least hunger wasn’t so pressing when she was asleep, even though her dreams were full of food.
Seeing her reluctance, her father dragged her from the bed and pushed her towards the chair where she’d placed her clothes the night before.
‘Dress. And pack. We cannot refuse them. We dare not refuse them!’
His heart was heavy. His original plan had been to escape to England but he had felt for his tired family. Persuaded by his wife, he had fallen in with her wishes to settle in France. Her reasoning was not unsound.
There was a sound like thunder as the German soldiers used their fists, then their rifle butts on the doors of their neighbours living on the lower floors, finally kicking them in with their boots, splintered wood flying into the room. ‘Schnell! Schnell! Get out! Get out! All Jews get out!’
Once he’d checked their suitcases were packed and they were dressed in warm clothes, Leah’s father opened the door to their apartment. Screams and shouts of protest rose from the lower floors as people were turned out of their rooms, told to bring only what they could carry. Children cried and babies wailed. Her father closed the door swiftly as the sound of thudding boots came closer.
Leah shivered as she pulled on her clothes. She badly wanted to go to the lavatory, but her legs were shaking so much she didn’t think she’d make it that far.
Her mother made a pitiful noise, her long white fingers curled against her mouth, her eyes wide with fear. ‘You said we’d be safe here, Rudy. You said they wouldn’t dare do in France what they did in Germany …’
Rudy grabbed his wife’s shoulders. ‘I am sorry, my love. It is now happening in France. Dress and pack only what you can carry. Now! And remember to wear those clothes into which we sewed some money. Your fur coat, yes? Leah, help your mother. Quickly. Both of you.’
Going to the lavatory was forgotten as she helped her mother throw a few things into a suitcase, including half a loaf of bread and a sausage. It was her father who’d insisted on the food. Up until then her mother had been piling underwear into the case along with family photographs in silver picture frames. Her father told her to hide anything that was silver or gold. ‘Just take the smaller frames. The bigger ones will take up too much room.’
Rachel Westerman’s face crumpled with despair. ‘This can’t be happening to us. We came to escape this.’
Rudy had no time to explain or ruminate on what they had hoped for, and what was now actually happening; he only wished he’d acted sooner and travelled on to England. Complacency. You are guilty of complacency. If only …
But there was no time for regret. He had to ensure his family’s survival.
‘Pull yourself together, Rachel! We have our daughter to think of.’
His wife wailed hysterically. ‘But when we left Germany, you said …’ She wouldn’t let go; she was on the verge of hysteria.
‘Rachel!’ He slapped her face. Her look of despair was replaced with one of total shock.
Feeling instant regret, Rudy folded his fingers into the palm of his hand. Never before had he raised his hand to either his wife or their child, but the tactic worked. The threat of her sliding into outright hysteria receded and a blank, uncomprehending expression came to her face. As though in a dream, she put on her fur coat and wound her favourite pink scarf around her neck. It didn’t match the coat. One was for winter, the other a thin silky thing fit only for summer.
Rudy turned his attention to his daughter. Smiling weakly, he told her they must all be brave. So far she appeared calm. He wished most sincerely she would stay that way. The sound of tramping boots was getting closer.
‘Listen to me.’
Leah smelled the pipe tobacco on her father’s breath as his face came close to hers. She felt his hands trembling on her shoulders and she trembled too. Although she needed the lavatory, she didn’t say so. Despite this room of shadows, the intense look in her father’s eyes demanded her full attention.
‘We have to go. We have no choice, but if we get separated head west. Get to England. Here is my friend Daniel Loper’s address. I will put it in here.’ He took his wife’s pink scarf from around her neck, sliding a piece of paper into a gap in the hem. ‘Keep it safe.’ His voice broke as he tied the scarf around his daughter’s neck, tucking it beneath her coat collar.
There was a resounding crash as the door slammed open. Huge dark figures blanked out the meagre light from the landing.
‘Schnell! Out! All of you out!’
Like upright parcels, they were pushed outside, Rudy doing his best to protect his daughter from the thudding rifle butts, the violent pushing. The noise of furniture being overturned and glass smashed sounded behind them from within the shabby room that had been their refuge.
Along with their neighbours, Leah and her parents were bundled down the stairs, most of which they took two at a time because the soldiers were pushing them, slamming their rifles across their backs, all the while urging them to be quick.
Once out in the street Leah fixed her gaze on the familiar buildings opposite, almost as though she had never seen them quite so vividly before now. A searchlight mounted on the back of an army truck lit up the street. Canvas-covered trucks had their headlights on. Leah had never seen Rue de St Auguste so well lit.
Rue de St Auguste.
Some deeply buried instinct convinced her she was seeing these buildings for the very last time. The light softened their dirty grey stone. There were details she’d never really noticed before that she now felt obliged to save to memory: stone cherubs holding up a balcony, the weed thrusting up at roof level above the guttering, the bright brass door knocker and matching brass plaque outside the doctor’s house.
‘Schnell!’
Intently studying the buildings of the mediocre street, she failed to hear the shouted order. The soldier’s rifle butt threatened just inches from her head, serious injury only prevented by her father stepping between her and its impact. She heard him cry out, a cracking sound as his back arched like a bow about to be fired. She gasped with fear and the urine, which she’d so far held in check, trickled down her legs and into her socks.
The yawning mouth of the tarpaulin-covered truck awaited. The pushing and shouting was unrelenting. ‘Get going! Up! Up!’
Assisted by her father and those already inside the truck, her mother climbed in first. There was little room. Everyone had to stand. Nobody could sit down.
‘Leah! Take my hand.’
Leah felt her mother’s long fingers reaching for hers. She did as asked, surprised at her mother’s new-found strength dragging her up on to the tailboard. When had her fingers become so thin? She couldn’t remember her ever having so little flesh. Her father assisted, his movements urgent and jerky as he lifted her up into the truck, groaning in pain from the injury done to his back.
The interior of the truck was stuffy and stank of stale sweat and other, more disgusting, smells. She wasn’t the only one who had wet herself – but there was worse.
Body was packed against body. Leah felt she was almost suffocating. There were so many people and so little room. Not enough to breathe properly. Some people were crying softly. Others were slumping against their companions, dependent on the next tired person to keep them upright.
Her father did his best to reassure her, his breath warm on her face. ‘Don’t cry, Leah. Everything will be all right. We’re merely being relocated because of the war. It is only because of the war.’
Leah wasn’t crying and she already hated the war. It was the war that had caused her family to flee from Austria to France. Now the war had caught up with them. It seemed nowhere was safe.
Her mother added her own reassuring words. ‘Listen to your father, Leah. See? I am not crying.’
But you are, she wanted to say, though her comment was smothered against the silky fluffiness of her fur collar.
Her mother was almost choking with the effort of trying to hold back her tears. They came out anyway. As more and more people were loaded on board, Leah was crushed more tightly against her mother’s chest. Her mother’s body pulsated with sobs.
It was hard to see anything in the truck, but Leah was reassured by the smell of the soap her mother used, the sweetness of her father’s tobacco. She could feel the softness of her mother’s fur coat, a wedding anniversary present if she remembered rightly.
What if other people smell like my father and another woman has a fur coat? It wouldn’t hurt to check. Reaching up with both hands, she felt her mother’s face, the little piece of net hanging from her hat over her wet eyes. She felt her father’s closed eyes and with her fingers followed the line of sweat down his face into his pointed beard.
Fumes from the truck’s engine blew in beneath the canvas surround as it burst into life and surged forward, its wheels bumping over the cobbled street. People coughed and spluttered as they jolted into each other. Others prayed. Some froze as though they were already dead. Others tried to lend some logic to their situation.
‘Where are they taking us?’
‘They’re taking us to the railway station,’ someone said. ‘We’re being shipped east. That’s what I heard.’
There were mutterings of disbelief.
Leah felt her father’s body stiffen against hers and heard a barely suppressed wail from her mother. Her fingers followed the movement of her mother’s head as she hid her face in her husband’s shoulder. ‘They’re going to kill us,’ said her mother, her alarm muffled.
Rudy Westerman tried to sound brave. ‘Shush, Rachel. Don’t be so foolish. You’re frightening the child,’ he whispered. ‘We’re just going to be resettled to do war work in factories in the east. Normandy will be a battleground if an attack comes from England. They will move everyone they can.’
He’d picked up on hearsay, rumours and reassurances from the small Jewish community that had congregated in the town; some were of French descent and many had fled west from the devilish hound that was the Third Reich. Everyone believed what they had been told: they were being taken to labour camps in Eastern Europe. But being a logical man, there was no disguising the disbelief in his voice, a result of the leaden sickness he felt inside. Why had nobody come back from these labour camps? Why no letters, no postcards, nothing?
The answer chilled him, though for now at least he would keep it to himself. His voice failed to boom with the familiar confidence of a man used to lecturing and throwing his voice to the back of a room. He only hoped his simple words were enough to calm his wife and daughter. It was all he had to give them.
The smell of coal dust and the sound of escaping steam heralded their arrival at yet another railway station. The tarpaulin that shielded their existence from the sleeping world they’d passed through was pulled aside. There was little light except for the cold white globes above the signs revealing that this was Rennes. Somebody remarked at the lights being on.
‘As though they’ve nothing to fear from British bombers,’ someone else added.
‘They will. In time.’
Every statement was murmured in hushed tones. The yell of rougher men barked out into the night.
‘Schnell! Schnell!’
More shouts, more wielding of rifle butts.
Rudy Westerman cupped his hand around his daughter’s eyes so she wouldn’t see the blood spurting from the head of a man close by. She saw it all the same, her footsteps faltering as she took in the sight of blood running down his face and dripping from his chin.
This time they were dragged rather than pushed.
The sloping roofs of railway goods warehouses pitched a black visage directly in front of them. Tumbling like dead flies from the back of the truck, they were hustled to a waiting area where their belongings were searched for ‘contraband’. Only a few people cried. Even the children were silent, eyes big and round, wondering at this horror world they had entered.
‘What do they mean by contraband?’ whispered Leah’s mother.
Her husband answered, ‘They mean anything of value.’
Everything of value was taken, the soldiers ripping at outer clothes, snapping open suitcases, bundles and valises. Only the small things people had slid into clothes about their person escaped the search. Leah retained her coat and the pink scarf that had belonged to her mother.
Her father attempted to inject some humour into the sombre scene, though purposely kept his voice low. ‘Rachel, I am really glad you never mended that hole in my pocket.’
‘I forgot,’ she replied, totally oblivious to his attempt to lighten their circumstances. ‘Oh dear. Oh dear, I am so sorry …’ Her sobbing returned anew.
‘Never mind. A few coins and your favourite silver earrings have fallen all the way down into the lining of my coat,’ he whispered back, more concerned that the guards had taken the small suitcase containing their food. ‘Now isn’t that lucky!’
‘And I have money,’ whispered Leah, referring to the small sum sewn into the hem of her dress.
All day they waited, sitting on their luggage, now emptied of their food and valuables. It was cold. Soon there would be frost. The sky was overcast, the clouds as grey as their moods.
A few enterprising souls smelling of sweat and fear wove among the forlorn crowd trying to sell what remained of their pathetic belongings. Not many people were interested. What was the use of a handsome ring or tiepin when you’d eaten nothing since the day before and were unsure of when you would eat again? Only those who had had time to grab and hide a little food had any success, though unsure of when they might eat again, people clung on to what they had.
Leah’s mother protested when her husband handed over a gold watch filched up from the lining of his coat in exchange for half a loaf of bread. His response was blunt: ‘Our suitcase is gone. You can’t eat a gold watch.’
Rumours continued to be rife. Leah overheard somebody ask her father whether he believed they were really going east to work. Her father was non-committal. ‘I am not privy to Nazi war plans,’ he replied.
‘I heard that nobody comes back. Those that go are never heard from again. It’s not a work camp. It’s a death camp. They’re going to kill us all.’
This last comment resulted in her father springing to his feet, grabbing the man by his collar and threatening him with a beating if he didn’t keep his filthy comments to himself.
It was six o’clock in the evening when they were finally herded towards a goods train. Leah was tired and it had been some time since she’d eaten the bread her father had given her. The station was a bare, dismal-looking place smelling of manure and urine, as though animals were usually boarded there.
Leah’s mother remarked that she could see no carriages, only cattle wagons. ‘Surely they don’t expect us to travel in those? Especially if we are going on a very long journey – I think we should protest.’
Her hurrying footsteps came to an abrupt standstill.
‘You must move,’ urged her husband.
‘No!’
The crowd, herded onwards by the bellowing guards, parted to either side of her. Frightened by her behaviour, Leah grabbed her mother’s arm, tugging at it, pleading with her to move.
Her father hissed a warning. ‘Rachel. You must move forward. If you don’t, they will punish you.’
Guards with fierce dogs on chain leashes shouted and pushed those who dared loiter, beating them with staves if they didn’t move forward fast enough. The sharp teeth of the snarling guard dogs bit a few unfortunate men, women and children.
So many people were being loaded into each cattle wagon, though not fast enough for those driving them forward. The wagons were quite high and not easy to climb into, especially for the old and those with children. When a bottleneck occurred, Leah found herself pushed to the edge of those waiting to board.
With the queue at a standstill, the guards seemed to relish the opportunity to beat anew, the dog handlers goading their overexcited dogs to leap forward and take a chunk out of those at the edge of the crowd. In the ensuing panic, Leah’s parents got sucked into the centre of the throng, leaving Leah isolated from them on the edge. Her father tried to pull her back but the crush of people severed their contact. The touch of his fingertips melted away.
‘Leah. Come here! Come here!’
People surged into the gap between her and her father.
‘Schnell! Schnell!’
Always that word. Always the flailing arms, the snarling dogs.
The wooden staves beat down all around her, hitting shoulders, arms and backs, cracking heads. A guard with a dog saw her wavering on the edge of the crowd. ‘Get going. Now! Now!’
The dog he held wasn’t crazed like the others, barking and snarling, but was wagging its tail, looking up at the guard before eyeing the little girl within its reach. Instead of biting her, it looked at Leah as though she were a friend. There was no malice in its eyes, no snarling or bared fangs threatening to rip her flesh from her bones.
The guard’s face was electric with blood lust, urging the dog to attack. ‘Go on! Go on! Attack! Take your first taste of a Jew!’
The dog did nothing. Its gaze fixed on Leah, its tail wagging in greeting; it was almost as though it recognised her, welcoming her as a long-lost friend.
The guard swore at the dog, wrenching the chain leash cruelly so that it tightened like a noose around the animal’s neck.
‘Damned hound!’
The dog yelped. The guard, deciding that if this child were going to be injured he’d have to do it himself, raised his stave. It was only inches away when her father’s arm clapped on to her shoulder, dragging her back into the centre of the crowd. The last she saw was the guard kicking the dog and shouting that he would shoot it at their next stop if its attitude didn’t improve.
‘It should be acting like a wolf, not a mouse!’
In the meantime, it was due a good beating. The other dog handlers laughed at him.
‘You got the one that’s soft as boiled cabbage,’ shouted one of them. More laughter, raucous comments and jibes.
The crowd closed around Leah, too dense for her to see any more.
They were packed even more tightly together than they’d been in the truck, everyone standing up, fear simmering like a warm stew in the bitter cold, her face muffled in the thick fur of her mother’s coat. Some people prayed in French, some in German and many in Hebrew.
The Old Testament mantra of the chosen peoples’ exile into slavery in Egypt was an apt comparison. ‘By the Rivers of Babylon … let the words of our mouths and the meditation of our hearts …’ It was happening again, though this time they feared never returning to the Promised Land. Many Jews had fled Germany for safety in France. Many other tongues would be spoken before the horror finally came to an end.
There was no light inside the cattle wagon. Only by feeling and information passed mouth to mouth did they learn that the only facilities was a bucket in one corner for women, and one in another for men. Leah told her mother that she’d wet her knickers, but her mother didn’t appear to hear, or perhaps she didn’t want to because she could not supply her daughter with clean underwear.
‘Tonight will be cold,’ somebody said. Everyone knew what this person meant: at night they would be spared the stench of the buckets, but by day they would soon stink.
As was her disposition, Leah’s mother did her best to keep apart from those she considered inferior to herself: a professor’s wife and daughter of a rich mill owner. ‘Herded like sheep,’ she grumbled.
Leah bit her bottom lip and squeezed her eyes shut. Perhaps it was all just a dream; no, not a dream – a terrible nightmare. If she opened her eyes she would see that, but when she did nothing had changed.
Her mother had always been of a whiny disposition, something Leah and her father had often shared looks over. But it was too dark to exchange those familiar and predominantly humorous looks. Fear permeated each of them, seeping through their soiled clothes; a cloying sweat enveloping all, sticking them one to the other as fast as glue.
The shriek of a whistle announced their departure. Miles and miles they travelled, through the night and all the next day, though daylight was barely discernible in their cramped quarters. There might have been gaps in the sides of the wagons, but the sheer number of bodies blocked out most of the daylight. On and on they went like this. Nights should have been colder but they were so squashed together, a series of bodies staying warm, that it provided the only comfort on a journey of pitiful souls.
Not all the bodies remained warm. Blessed with the release that only death can bring, the dead remained upright, wedged in among the living. Already starving, already weary from travelling in trucks to meet the train, the elderly and the very young were the first to weaken. They were given no food and only one cup of water a day. Small children, smothered by the close proximity of adults, suffocated. Old people gave themselves up to the inevitable, closing their eyes and falling asleep, never to wake again.
Leah rested her head against her father, his arm wrapped around her to hold her upright. Her legs were aching. She dreamed of her bed, even the narrow one in France. The pretty violet and white one back in Austria was only a fantasy; something from what seemed a very long time ago.
The train rattled slowly onwards, stopping for a few hours overnight at small towns. At one there was a lot of shouting. Her father managed to look out and saw people with baskets of bread trying to get close to the train. The guards were holding them back, shouting at them that approach was verboten. Forbidden. When they didn’t immediately retreat, they were pushed back with rifle butts, their fallen loaves picked up by the soldiers, their empty baskets kicked after them.
After a few days six in their wagon were dead. Multiply that by twenty, thought Leah’s father, taking a guess as to how many wagonloads of people the train was towing, that makes 120 people in total. His analysis was sickening and he didn’t want to believe it. Sadly, he knew that although it was only a guess, even three in each truck would bring the total to sixty. Sixty people dead. How many more would die before they reached their destination?
The dead continued to remain where they had died, some still upright. Leah’s father suggested they lay them on the floor in layers, two on top of two. Those closest did just that. The dead were piled up. There was a little more room, though still not enough to enable sitting down. Heads rested on the shoulders of neighbours.
A woman next to her mother began to scream. ‘My baby is being born! Please! Please help me!’
Leah’s mother panicked. ‘There’s no room for her to lie down! She should be lying down!’
Rudy exchanged looks with other men. There was only one place where the woman could lie down.
‘On top of the dead?’
‘Where else?’
In normal times they would never have committed such sacrilege, but these were not normal times. They were the most abnormal times they’d ever known.
Room was made for her on top of the piled bodies. A midwife pushed her way forward.
‘I will do what I can. You men should not be here. This is a woman’s time. Give her privacy.’
A circle of women formed around her.
Not wishing her daughter to witness what was about to happen, Rachel Westerman held her daughter’s head tightly against her, but Leah struggled and, as the train lurched, her head became dislodged from her mother’s grip. The acrid smell of unwashed bodies mixed with one she did not recognise, except that it was female and somehow feline.
Her heart thudding, she watched as the woman’s clothes were hitched up above her thighs, her underwear removed. The woman gave no sign that her dignity was being invaded, her private parts on view to the world. The old woman who had professed to be a midwife commented on every little thing she was doing, as though somehow her skill and knowledge might keep their minds off where they were and what the future held.
There was blood, a bulging of something between the woman’s legs. The feline, raw, blood smell intensified.
‘Now I will turn the head so the shoulders come out sideways. How far gone are you, my dear?’
The woman whimpered but did not reply. From somewhere among the banished men her husband answered for her. ‘Seven months.’
The midwife pulled the baby from the woman’s body. ‘I need to cut the cord, but I can’t see … It’s too dark …’
Meagre as it was, a cigarette lighter was passed from hand to hand, throwing some light for the old woman to see by. Silence hung in the air, the only sound the rattling of the cattle wagon and the squealing of iron wheels against iron rails.
Somebody passed her a sack. The old woman sighed. ‘There’s nothing I can do. Open it please.’
The sack was opened, the baby slid inside, and the neck of the sack was folded over.
‘Lydia? Lydia?’
The father of the child shook his wife’s shoulders. Finally convinced there was nothing he could do, her clothes were put in order, one more body added to the pile. The sack containing her dead baby was placed beside her. There was no ceremony. No prayers. Only blank acceptance that she was gone where others would doubtless follow.
A man, unknown to Leah and her family, suggested they should inform the guards about the dead the very next time they stopped for food and water. ‘It is not healthy to leave the dead with the living. If they do that there will be no workers arriving at the end of this journey. What good will that do?’
Up until that moment Leah’s father had not engaged with any of his fellow passengers. As if their cramped closeness was not enough, he’d travelled with one arm around his wife, one around his daughter. Tired and suffering from the blow dealt him at the beginning of their journey, Leah realised from the sounds he was making that her father was in pain. When she felt his face she found that his mouth was firmly clenched. Sometimes he wheezed, his breath seeming to whistle down his nose and from his throat. When that happened, blood trickled from the corner of his mouth and she felt it sticky on her fingers.
‘I think that is a very good idea,’ he voiced somewhat thoughtfully in reply. ‘It will give us more room.’
A few other voices rose in support.
Rudy Westerman had made his mind up. He didn’t really believe they were to be used as labour in the east. He’d heard those dreadful rumours that had turned his stomach. War made monsters of men. If he died then so be it, but Leah? She was only ten years old. She deserved to live. His brain worked feverishly. He had to save her. He must save her.
Leah felt her father’s arm tighten around her.
‘Listen,’ he hissed, his blood-caked mouth close to her ear. ‘The moment we stop we will suggest en masse that the dead bodies be taken off the train. If enough of us protest, they might just listen. After all, the journey has barely begun and if they truly want labour in the east, they won’t want any more to die than is necessary. You will be one of those bodies, Leah, my darling.’
Presuming that he meant she was shortly to die, Leah was about to protest when she heard her mother sucking in her breath; she too had interpreted that this was what he meant.
‘Listen carefully,’ he whispered. ‘You will not really be dead. You must pretend to be dead. The guards will offload you. It is the only way you will escape this madness. Do not worry about your mother and me. We are strong. We will come looking for you when the war is over. In the meantime you will be flung among the poor souls who are dead. Let us pray they will leave the bodies lying there for a while, just long enough to give you time to get away. You must run as fast as your legs can carry you. Do you understand?’
Leah started to protest; she would not leave unless they were coming too. ‘Mamma will cry if I leave.’
Her father’s voice was dull with sadness. ‘We will all cry if you don’t. Now listen. You will make your way west. You must try to get to England. My friend Daniel Loper lectures at Cambridge University. You will go there to him. Now remember that, my darling daughter. Remember. Daniel Loper. Cambridge University. His address is in the hem of the pink scarf.’ He went on, warning her about not trusting anyone, that even some French people collaborated with the invaders.
Leah did her best to take it all in. The thought of leaving her parents alarmed her, but dutifully she memorised what her father had told her. Daniel Loper. Cambridge University. Somewhere in England and the address was secreted in the pink scarf.
It was almost midnight when the train came to a hissing, clanking standstill, billowing steam rising from the belly of the beast and up into the cattle wagons.
‘Now – we must do it now,’ Rudy Westerman hissed.
A cacophony of voices rose like a storm, pleading from within the cattle wagons for the dead to be offloaded.
‘Please. There are so many dead. Many more will become sick if you do not offload them.’
‘There will be no workers left for your factories.’
‘No workers for your factories.’
‘None. All dead,’ shouted Rudy, raising his voice along with all the rest. Through a narrow gap he saw the insignia of an officer within range of his booming voice. ‘We are only at the beginning of our journey. Nobody will be left by the time we get to our destination, and then the Reich will have no workers for the war effort.’
Nobody came back from the ‘work camps’, and nor were any letters received from family or friends there. Even so, many people believed what the guards told them, because the alternative was horror on an unimaginable scale.
The man who had mentioned the factories was, like Rudy, one of those sceptical about resettlement. They exchanged a worried frown. ‘We must hope they really are sending us to labour camps,’ he murmured. ‘If so, they won’t want any trouble.’
Rudy was inclined to agree with him. Despite the great lie, he knew that fear could cause panic and panic could send the crowded people into hysterical rebellion. He was counting on the commander of this little outfit not wishing to have a riot on his hands. He had to remind himself of how many women, children and babies were on board. Removing the bodies would give some comfort and a few more moments of life – their animal-like submission being a small price to pay.
There was some hesitation in answering their demands, but Rudy perceived some running backwards and forwards, boots thudding along the hard ground, plus intense discussion followed by snapped orders. He breathed a sigh of relief. ‘They can’t risk a mutiny. They have to keep us believing we are really going where they say we are. Let us hope they see reason.’
Before Leah knew what was happening, her father ripped the yellow Star of David from her coat, leaving only ragged stitching. Shouted orders were followed by a loud clunking and rattling as the sliding doors of the cattle wagons were wrenched open. Rudy closed his eyes and thanked the Almighty before whispering in his daughter’s ear, his voice trembling over each word.
‘Close your eyes, Leah. Make yourself go loose like a rag doll. Let your head sag on to your chest. Lean into me.’
‘No. I don’t want to leave you.’
‘You must! Now, be a good daughter. Do as I say.’
Leah trembled. Her father was giving her an order and she’d never ever disobeyed him.
‘Loose,’ he whispered. ‘Fall against me. Let me lift you up. Close your eyes.’
Her mother took hold of the pink scarf that was around Leah’s neck and wound it around her face. ‘In case they look at you too closely.’ Her fingers lightly brushed Leah’s forehead. ‘Don’t cry. They must not see tears.’
‘Good girl. Goodbye, my love. Be brave. Go limp,’ her father added.
Even after he’d removed his hand from her shoulder, it felt as though it were still there, its warmth flowing into her flesh.
Her mother’s voice sounded as though she were breaking into pieces. ‘My child. My child.’ She heard her mother’s despair but did not open her eyes.
She remembered that her rag doll had been stuffed with sawdust, imagined how that must feel and did her best to replicate a rag doll’s arms, a rag doll’s legs. Something of her father’s desperation flowed through her in an icy stream. It frightened her.
Closing her eyes was a welcome necessity. She had no wish to see the horror around her, the dead bodies, the angry-faced men and snarling dogs.
Those still living were ordered to unload those who would never see the night sky again. Leah did not see the tears streaming down the faces of fathers as they offloaded their children, of mothers as they wailed and hid their faces as babes in arms were taken and added to the pile of dead. Old folk were flung on top of the heap without any respect.
The guards gave them no quarter, some wielding riot sticks, some jabbing with the butts of their guns or kicking with their shiny leather boots, just as they had at the beginning of the journey.
Goaded by their handlers, three out of the four guard dogs lunged, snapping and barking, their sharp teeth white with starlight. The fourth dog, the one that had regarded Leah as though they’d been reunited from another place, looked confused; the more its handler urged it to be vicious, the more the dog resisted, at one point baring its teeth threateningly at the guard.
Its inability to act like the other dogs angered the man who held it. Instead of kicking at the people offloading the dead, he aimed a kick at the dog, which yelped.
‘Gutless! You’re gutless.’
He aimed another kick. Seeing it coming, the dog bounced on to its back legs, the guard’s boot missing.
Another guard ridiculed his handling and laughed. ‘Perhaps he has no taste for this kind of meat!’
The guard resented being made to look the fool. ‘He’s a coward and stupid!’
‘Not that stupid. He moved fast when he realised your boot was on its way again.’
The guard had been a bully even before he’d donned a uniform. Preying on the weak was something he’d always enjoyed. Face red with anger, he tugged backwards on the dog’s chain with his meaty fist, then forwards so that the dog was swung in among the living and the dead. In the hope of igniting some viciousness in the animal, he grabbed those offloading the dead, pushing and punching them, anything to get the dog to lay its formidable fangs into their flesh. He was adamant that this breed of dog was endowed with the same bloodlust he felt himself.
It didn’t happen. Although buffeted and pushed, the dog resisted any attempt to get it to bite.
If the handler had understood anything about dogs, he would have seen intelligence shining in this dog’s eyes. This was no unthinking bully but a clever animal willing to defend those it loved. It was a magnificent animal, but its past was not the same as the others. It had once known a loving home.
The dog the handler had named Wolf had only been with this man for a short time, but from the start he had not warmed to the guard’s disposition. His instinct, much stronger than in humans, sensed this was not a good man. The other dogs responded instantly to their masters’ brutality, but Wolf was stubborn. He would not be bullied, by humans or other dogs.
The German army usually depended on specialist breeders for their guard dogs, but in view of the current demand for purebred German shepherds, they’d begun requisitioning household pets. ‘The more vicious the better,’ Heinrich Himmler, proud and merciless director of the ‘resettlement’ scheme, had declared. ‘I want killers.’
Wolf looked the part, but as a puppy he had belonged to a little girl. They’d done everything together. He’d loved her dearly and instinctively knew she’d loved him. All that was gone now. The little girl had become ill and died. Her parents, racked with despair, couldn’t bear to look at the dog that had been their daughter’s constant companion. They’d donated him to the war effort.
His handler couldn’t comprehend that he was in charge of a dog that could think for itself. Livid at what he perceived to be cowardice, the handler pushed and shoved everyone he came into contact with, dragging them to within his dog’s range even if they were moving fast enough to get the job done.
‘Go on! Bite him! Bite him! Taste his tainted blood, you stupid dog!’
The dog refused.
As the bodies piled up, Rudy Westerman held his wife.
‘Have we done the right thing, Rudy?’ she whispered.
‘I believe so.’ It was all he could say.
Finally, the last of the dead was carried from the train. The bodies were piled four high in a rough square on the cold ground. The living who had assembled the corpses were reloaded and the doors closed.
The bodies were counted and entered in a ledger. The officer in charge grunted his approval. ‘Now we wait here a while. There is a troop train en route for the coast. We will receive the signal to leave once it has passed. They have priority and it should be some hours yet.’ He glanced contemptuously at the pile of bodies. ‘The sooner the better,’ he muttered. Then, pointing at the pile with the riding crop he always carried with him, ‘The trucks will fetch these in the morning.’
This wasn’t quite the job he’d had in mind when war had broken out. But he was a Prussian and considered himself naturally superior to the men under his command.
The guards relaxed. Cigarettes were smoked, hot coffee brewed and food distributed. The handlers fed their dogs before feeding themselves – all except the man paired with Wolf. His face was red with anger.
‘You chose him,’ one of the other handlers said, as the rest of them grinned from ear to ear. The accusation was well founded. He had gone for the biggest and most handsome of the four new canine recruits, a choice he now regretted.
His surly look passed from them to the dog. ‘He has to go,’ he said grimly.
The others shook their heads and looked at him as though he were the biggest fool they had ever seen. ‘You’re going to shoot him?’
They’d seen cruelty in all its forms but a dog was as close to them as their gun, even their greatcoat. The prisoners – the Jews they herded on to packed cattle trucks – were a different matter. The dog handlers and other guards chosen for this gruesome task had become immune to human suffering. The thing that set a dog apart was that it was a working companion. They ordered and it obeyed. But Wolf was an exception. It was obvious to all of them that he lacked aggression but, despite what his handler might say, he was brave. All German Shepherd dogs were brave. Even the Allied powers in the Great War had recognised the fact, though the English had chosen to call them Alsatians, inferring that they originated from Alsace in France rather than Germany.
Swearing under his breath, his temper more foul than usual, the handler dragged Wolf away. ‘I’ll teach you a lesson you’ll never forget,’ he muttered, spittle spotting the corners of his mouth, his eyes slits of anger. By now he was holding the dog’s chain so tight that the animal was choking and being forced off its front paws, running along on its back legs to keep up.
The handler chose a spot away from his colleagues’ mocking laughter. The dog was whining and yelping, music to his ears. The dog’s behaviour had embarrassed him: it was a weak, ineffectual animal that wouldn’t hurt a fly. Well, he’d see about that! He’d make this dog vicious by beating it into him – even if it meant he got bitten himself.