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ISBN 978-3-938656-95-2
Introduction
First encounter with Dr Seer
The 23 perspectives of the Golden View
PART I
SELF-REFLECTION &
INITIAL INSIGHTS
1: Look in the mirror!
How do I actually feel?
2: See yourself from the outside!
Gaining awareness of the impression you make on your surroundings
3: Look at the situation from above!
Being the neutral observer
4: See with the eyes of a tiger!
Finding the courage to face upcoming changes
5: Look in their eyes!
Truly connecting with those around you
6: See with the eyes of a role model!
Achieving the seemingly impossible
7: See through the other person’s eyes!
Classic perspective-taking: the basis of human interrelations
PART II
BECOMING CONSCIOUS
8: Look from within!
Recognizing and living your true needs
9: Look at the decisive moment!
Making the right decision – intuition will ultimately provide the answer
10: Stare into space!
When you are stuck
11: See with the eyes of a child!
Invigorating day-to-day life
12: Stop right there!
Breaking destructive behaviour patterns
13: Look into your past!
In-depth understanding and resolution of emotional burdens
14: Look into your inner sun!
Drawing new strength
15: Look at yourself with kindness!
Revealing and reversing negative self-judgments
16: Look into the distance!
Dealing with emotional crises
17: Look upon what’s to come with joy!
Influencing the future positively
18: SEMO – See more than meets the eye!
Understanding the emotional dynamics of interactions
19: Focus!
Using your own resources productively
20: Look back from the future!
Discerning what really matters on your life’s journey
PART III
HEART-OPENING & SELF-REALIZATION
21: See with the heart!
Love as a way of life
22: Look out of the spiritual eye!
Connecting to higher energy
23: Look at the big picture!
Understanding life spiritually
Appendix: The Golden View – Overview table
Areas of application, key sentences & mantras
The authors:
Sabine zur Nedden
Simone Alz
I looked down at my shaking hands and realized that I was incredibly nervous. I had no idea who this Dr Seer was. Such an odd name! I’d only noticed the small sign on the gate yesterday – a neat plaque bearing the words ‘THE GOLDEN VIEW’. I must have passed it a hundred times before without seeing it.
And now, all of a sudden, it was as though I had been irresistibly pulled into its vortex, and felt myself immediately compelled to make an appointment. It seemed remarkably straightforward, as if my telephone call had been anticipated. Yes, you could come tomorrow, said a pleasant male voice on the other end of the line. At 8 pm. I think the time would suit you, would it not? “Oh yes – yes, that would be great.” But how could he possibly have known that…?
The next day I found myself once again standing in front of the big metal gate. It was much easier to open than I expected. I walked hesitantly towards the house along the paved pathway, a thousand thoughts crowding my mind. I hadn’t slept all night, and I could feel my heart beating in my throat, pounding away. Why was I so nervous? ‘I’m going to have some life coaching – what’s the big deal? It’s nothing unusual,’ I told myself, trying to calm down. ‘Nothing to be afraid of. It’s not like it’s a test or anything.’
I was annoyed at myself. Why on earth did I have to go and make this appointment? Why had I put myself in this awkward position? Couldn’t I have just continued living my life along the same old lines? What had brought me here? Some sort of premonition? Or maybe intuition? Destiny, perhaps? Gut feeling? A desire? My desire to finally change my life? Was it my never-ending search for answers – answers to the questions that haunted me, and made me so tired? Or perhaps a longing to feel alive again, at long last: a longing to rise in the morning and not feel depressed and exhausted, but full of energy? Was it the search for the truth? Or some inexplicable yearning, driving me on? Was it a subconscious intention to once and for all understand the sadness that occasionally overwhelmed me out of nowhere? Or was it my memories, ceaselessly flooding my mind, draining me of my strength and energy? Was it the desire to finally understand why we humans do so many things that seem so meaningless?
Is there even such a thing as meaning? What a question… one that has been asked countless times throughout history, by people of every possible origin scattered across all the world’s continents.
I’ve read a lot of books, including so-called self-help books. I’ve never had a problem understanding them; could always follow their meaning with the rational part of my brain. Perhaps I was simply an ineffectual reader, because so far I hadn’t managed to drastically change my life or apply the advice I’d received in any particularly helpful way. Such advice often sounds so simple in theory – the challenge is working out how to properly understand, discern, feel and, most importantly, implement it.
Yes – thinking about it, I was actually really tired. My own life wore me out. And now here I was, standing in front of a big door with a grey sign on which was written in shiny lettering:
THE GOLDEN VIEW
What was hidden behind this door bore no resemblance to anything I’ve experienced in my life so far.
My name is Allman, and in the pages that follow I will tell you my story.
* * * * * * * * * * *
The door opened instantly. Had I already rung the bell? I couldn’t remember. Was I so nervous that I was getting things muddled in my mind?
Please come in, I’ve been expecting you.
‘Oh no, am I late?’ I wondered, my mind racing. Before the next thought had a chance to form I heard his melodic voice speak again.
Don’t worry so much. Please come in. You’ve come to the right place.
I found myself in a wide corridor. It was extremely bright, and I struggled not to squint. Was it the lighting? Or maybe it was sunlight… at 8pm in the evening, though? The walls were covered with all kinds of different mirrors; big ones, small ones, round ones and square ones, and the effect was such that I didn’t really know where to look.
Seeing can be difficult, at first. But don’t worry. You’ll learn.
Dr Seer smiled and shook hands with me.
Good evening!
He was a tall, slim man in his late fifties, perhaps, with a well-proportioned face that carried a friendly expression. His smile was very pleasant, and in spite of the strange environment I already felt at ease. He looked at me with eyes that were remarkably green. I felt myself calming down, and managed to compose myself, a little.
“My name is Allman, good evening. Thank you for finding the time to see me so soon.” I nearly added: ‘although, to tell you the truth, there wasn’t really any particular need.’ Or was it simply that I had not been aware of the need?
Trust me, you’ve come to me at the right moment.
“Oh… right, yes. By the way, I completely forgot to ask on the phone how much your consultations cost…?”
It will cost you a lot of willingness, and courage. You will be able to pay back the value of what you receive here when the time comes. How do you feel?
“Oh, I… I don’t really know. I think, right now, I actually feel quite good.”
You don’t know? What exactly don’t you know?
“In all honesty, I don’t know where to start…”
Alright. Just take your time. We have all the time in the world.
Dr Seer breathed in and out, loudly enough for me to hear.
Have a look at this. What is it?
He pointed at one of the many mirrors on the wall, one with a simple silver frame. Slightly unsure of myself, I tried to find an appropriate answer. “That… that would be a mirror…”
Correct. And what do you see IN the mirror?
“Hm. Well, there’s a flower reflected in the mirror.” There was a dark wooden table set back a few metres from the wall, and on it stood a porcelain vase containing a single white flower.
And what does this flower look like?
I suddenly had the feeling that this was really about something else, something bigger and more significant – so I answered as accurately as I could.
“The flower has a dark green stem, about 15 cm long, with four leaves attached to it. The blossom is white and consists of many small, hard petals.”
How can you tell that the petals are ‘hard’?
For some reason I was finding Dr Seer’s questions really challenging. And yet, at the same time, this curious game intrigued me.
“Well, I… I think that the blossom would feel hard. Those kinds of blossoms tend to be pretty firm to the touch. And they’re usually not scented.”
Ah, I see: So you look at the reflection of the flower and imagine that the blossom feels a certain way because that’s usually how it is. I understand.
I felt caught out. Had I said something wrong? He looked at me intently.
Now please approach the flower and get as close to it as possible. Disengage your mind from its reflection. Position your face above the blossom and look at it. What do you see now?
“I see a white blossom, and deep inside it, an orange spot.”
My head was so close to the blossom that I was nearly touching it with my nose. To my surprise, I could smell a sweet scent.
“And – wow! The scent is so intense that it’s almost making me dizzy.”
Dr Seer smiled.
Aha, so that’s the absence of perfume then, is it? Have you ever seen a blossom such as this before?
“No, I haven’t actually. When I examine it from this close up, I have to say that no, I’ve never seen anything like it.”
He seemed satisfied.
Look at it again, even more closely. Look deep into the blossom. Do you see anything else?
I rubbed my eyes briefly and looked again. The blossom now seemed to resemble some sort of living kaleidoscope. My heart started beating faster. What was happening to me?
“Yes, I see sparkling drops of water inside the petals. They look like dew drops on a meadow in the morning.”
So these drops remind you of something? And you like them?
“They remind me of how, as a child, I used to try and collect dew drops with a leaf in the mornings on my way to school…”
He seemed to understand me. What’s more, he gave me the feeling that he was there for me, that he was interested in me and that he was happy to guide me through this process.
How do the petals feel? Please get very close to the flower.
Now I was so close to the white blossom that I was touching it with my face. I felt as if I was being drawn into a cloud of white.
“Oh, they’re wonderfully soft!”
Now you see! How easy it is to be mistaken! If you hadn’t moved in that closely, and if you hadn’t looked at it from above and from such close proximity, the true characteristics and the incredible beauty of this rare blossom would have remained hidden from you. And the same goes for the memories that the blossom reawakened in you!
Suddenly I began to sense what Dr Seer had in store for me. He stepped closer and put his hand gently on my shoulder.
As you have just experienced, the way you think and feel about something is very much dependent on how you perceive it. The perspective that you choose determines what it is that you observe. And these observations lead you to particular feelings, experiences and insights.
He smiled again.
The flower was just the beginning, by the way. It goes without saying that this is about how you see yourself, other people and your life every day, every hour and every minute – it’s about how you see every incident and how you view every situation.
You can change everything in your life if you look at it in a new way.
Let me show you THE GOLDEN VIEW!
I took a step back and involuntarily glanced in one of the mirrors. All of a sudden and quite unexpectedly I felt a few slight reservations. Was I doing the right thing here?
“What exactly is THE GOLDEN VIEW, Doctor? A new therapeutic method, something like that? Some kind of life philosophy?
All this and much more, my dear Mr Allman.
“Hm. It would make a good book title, you know.”
Indeed, that too. Allow yourself to be surprised.
“And why is it called THE GOLDEN VIEW? Why golden?”
Dr Seer looked at me.
What do you think? What do you associate with the word?
“Hm. Gold is very valuable. People refer to ‘golden rules’ and the ‘golden mean’… you can ‘strike gold’ and so on… ‘Golden’, I suppose, always refers to something being ideal, or the very best…”
He nodded at me appreciatively, and paused.
Have you ever heard of the ‘golden ratio’?
“I think so. Doesn’t it have something to do with art?”
Yes, among other things. The golden ratio is based on sacred geometry, an ancient mathematical formula that manifests itself in art, architecture, nature and – yes, even in the human body. It describes a ratio that is perceived as absolutely harmonious by the human eye. For example, a portrait painted according to the golden ratio produces a face with features that the viewer perceives as beautiful and perfect.
“That’s fascinating. And sounds like something with a lot of history behind it. How long has the golden ratio been around?”
The application of this principle goes back thousands of years. Whole cities and temples were built according to the golden ratio. Even the Greek philosophers and scholars of antiquity used this formula, and regarded it as a gift from the gods.
“Oh wow! But, to be honest, these aren’t really things I know very much about.”
There’s no need to, really. Detach yourself from what you know or don’t know and give your imagination free reign. So, what could ‘THE GOLDEN VIEW’ possibly stand for?
He was challenging me again. I’d never heard of any of these things before in my life. A few minutes ago I’d been hovering with my face above a simple white blossom as part of some self-awareness process or something, and now here he was, talking about sacred geometry and Greek philosophers. I tried to concentrate.
“OK. Let’s see… According to what you explained a moment ago, THE GOLDEN VIEW is all about looking at things in a certain way. By looking at the flower in different ways I was able to discover new things about it.”
Well done! You’ve been paying attention! So what, then, could be the connection to the golden ratio?
“I’m not really any good at problem-solving tasks like this.”
Clear your mind of doubts! Just give it a go. You’re very close.
Dr Seer was beaming at me encouragingly. And suddenly it came to me.
“I’ve got it! What you’re saying is that the golden ratio is within the observed object itself, so to speak! If I’ve understood correctly, then a painting is beautiful when it features the golden ratio. And THE GOLDEN VIEW is something that I can actively apply myself! I can make something beautiful by looking at it in a certain way… is that it?”
Very well observed!
“Consequently, even though the object I’m looking at may not be perfect, I myself can introduce the element of perfection, to a certain extent. A bit like that saying, ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’, or something.”
Dr Seer clapped his hands.
And not just beauty! It can also be the answer, relief, insight, truth, fulfilment, happiness, self-realization! Just as, for the human eye, there exists the perfect perception of things, there also exists a perfect perspective for each human situation – a magical way of seeing that changes everything.
He leaned in closer to me, dropping his voice to a whisper.
With THE GOLDEN VIEW you are not looking at a painting in a museum, but at your own life. All you have to do is to understand and apply the secret.
This particular message seemed to be immensely important to him.
You will find solutions to your problems, answers to your questions, and make new discoveries about your life that have remained hidden until now. You can create a conscious and fulfilled life for yourself, if you so wish.
What do you say?
I couldn’t speak. I don’t know how else to describe it… I felt deeply moved, overwhelmed with emotion. Perhaps it was also a kind of budding hope. I had absolutely no idea what lay ahead, but something told me that it was a good thing that I had found my way to Dr Seer.
Over the next weeks and months I visited him many times. We often spent several hours together, with many sessions lasting deep into the night.
Thus he introduced me, step by step, to the secrets of
THE GOLDEN VIEW.
Three days had passed since my first meeting with Dr Seer. I had lain awake the last few nights with countless thoughts churning over and over in my mind in no particular order. It was as though he had set something in motion inside me that now wanted to be discovered. I felt very nervous again.
Dr Seer greeted me warmly. He seemed genuinely pleased to see me.
How are you doing today?
“Good question. I’m not really sure. I’ve hardly slept at all.”
Weren’t you tired?
“Oh yes, I was tired! I AM tired, massively tired!”
He waited, watching me with his eyes half closed. After what felt like an eternity he spoke in a gentle voice.
I quite understand. Tell me – what was going through your mind last night?
“Oh, you know, there’s so much. My job, day-to-day stuff, my life… I don’t know, exactly. I simply don’t know how to deal with certain things. I feel overwhelmed by it all, and then I often find myself wondering: where’s the joy in all this? And why can’t I ever seem to finally make more money? Why does life always have to be such a struggle? I feel like all I do is function, all the time.”
You are very confused.
“Yes. That feels about right.”
You are preoccupied with so much that you don’t know where to begin.
“Yes…”
Take a deep breath in, and then breathe out.
“Why? I’m doing that anyway.”
Please, I’d like for you to now breathe more deeply and consciously than usual.
I breathed in and out, deeply. And, strangely, I immediately felt different – a little lighter, somehow.
When you’re thinking of something that makes you worried, breathe deeply in and out! Just do it, even if only once. It will help you! Simple methods are often the best.
Dr Seer winked at me.
Follow me!
“Am I going to look at some flowers again?”
You’ll see. Come with me!
He led me to the big wall with the mirrors.
Which one do you like best?
Inexplicably, my heart now started to beat faster. I pointed to one of the mirrors, one with a white painted wooden frame. Dr Seer nodded at me.
Please come and stand here.
He carefully positioned me in front of my reflection.
Look into the mirror!
So there I stood. And strange as it may seem, I had a hard time looking at myself. Dr Seer noticed my uncertainty.
Take your time!
“What’s the point of this exercise?”
If you open yourself to it, you will experience the significance of it. Once you experience it, you will understand. Please look at your reflection. What do you see?
“Hm, well: I see that there’s a button missing on my jacket. And that I could do with a haircut.”
He wasn’t going to be led off topic, and continued very earnestly.
What else do you see?
Since I knew I wasn’t going to get out of this one so easily, I tried to go along with him.
“I see a man who looks pretty exhausted. Who’s in desperate need of a holiday. And who could do with losing a few pounds… But how can I possibly stick to some ridiculous diet on top of everything else? I already have to abide by so many rules and uphold so many obligations all the time as it is. Am I not allowed to just enjoy my life?”
I surprised myself by quite how vehemently all this anger burst out of me. My heart was thumping and I felt the blood rush to my head.
“I think we’d better leave this be!”
I found the situation very uncomfortable. But Dr Seer remained unchanged. He glanced sideways at me, benignly.
What else do you see?
Purely out of politeness, I forced myself to give an answer: “I… I don’t see anything. I just feel angry, to tell you the truth. I’ve no idea what’s going on with me right now.”
Please remain standing in front of the mirror. What is making you angry?
“I’m angry at my life! Or at myself! Or both – oh, I don’t know!”
He nodded that he understood. That calmed me, a little.
Now look yourself in the eyes!
And as he noticed my resistance, he added, encouragingly:
It’s entirely up to you. If you open yourself and embrace this, you’ll go home later having gained an entirely new perspective. Please breathe more deeply. And look deeper into your reflection. Gaze deeply into it.
I shook myself a little, and tried to pull myself together. I looked into my own eyes. It was an odd experience. Quite different to those hurried moments when you glance at yourself in the mirror on a daily basis. I concentrated on not averting my eyes despite constantly feeling the need to do so. My initial anger diminished. And I noticed something emerging within me that was somehow softer.
Dr Seer whispered:
What do you see?
I found it difficult to answer him. What’s more, I had the impression that he wasn’t waiting for an answer at all, but that his primary aim was to support me in not giving up. Slowly my thoughts calmed.
“I… see… me.”
I looked myself in the eyes. And it was as though my facial expression kept changing every few seconds. Was I standing in front of some kind of magic mirror?
This is a completely normal mirror. It shows you whatever you are ready to see. What do you feel when you look at yourself?
“I feel… I feel sad. Yes, I’m sad. I feel alone. I… often feel very lonely…”
Tears welled up in my eyes. But this time, unlike before, when I felt anger, I didn’t try to suppress my feelings. I let it happen.
It’s good if you feel the need to cry. Go ahead and cry. I understand you.
“I don’t usually cry in front of other people. Whatever must you think of me?”
Dr Seer had a certain quality about him that made me feel that he liked me, no matter how I behaved. He radiated warmth and trust.
I think it’s a very good thing that you’re here.
Tears were flowing down my cheeks and I didn’t try to hold them back. Several minutes passed during which we just stood as we were – me in front of my reflection, with Dr Seer beside me, calm and patient. I cried. I cried in a way I haven’t done in a very long time. I felt the memories of the last few years rise up in me, all that pain; my lost love; all the hurt; the fear of not ever being able to change my life; my worries about the future. It was this sudden, ruthless confrontation with an honest, direct appraisal of myself that brought out all my sadness. Had I ever really been happy?
Dr Seer handed me a tissue. I tried to collect myself.
“Why are we doing this?”
What do you think?
“I’m learning to be aware of myself.”
That’s one way to look at it, yes. And it goes even further.
“Really?”
You have just made contact with your innermost self.
Smiling, he stepped behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. He looked at me in our shared reflection.
By truly looking in the mirror, you open the door to what you feel.
He held my gaze for a while, as if he wanted to make sure that I understood what he meant.
And when the doorway to those feelings is open, hurtful experiences can heal. It allows you to draw new strength, and to realize more truthfully what it is that you want to change. In this way, new paths can open up in your life. You can move closer to your dreams and desires, while firmly holding your own hand. You stay connected to your innermost self. You protect yourself, your feelings and your dreams, and this allows you start on a new path.
He took a deep breath.
When you look in the mirror with absolute intention, it allows you to see into your own heart.
I was still numb from having cried so many tears. But I felt in good hands here, in this special place – standing in front of all the mirrors, enveloped by Dr Seer’s benevolence and acceptance.
We shall work through everything that preoccupies and burdens you, step by step. We shall look at your inner sadness. Trust me, it will get easier for you. We shall take a look at what happened to your love. Why you lost it. What you wish for. How you can make your work more satisfying. And what you might want to change, and realize. You will be happier and you will rediscover the meaning of your life!
I let myself tumble into his words. I felt the need to cry again, a little. How did he know all these things about me?
“Are you… psychic?”
I merely look very closely.
Dr Seer smiled.
Go home now. I thank you.
“Thank me? For what? It’s I who should be grateful to you.”
I appreciate you wanting to go down this road – the road to yourself. Very courageous!
I didn’t know what exactly he meant by that. At the time I had no way of knowing how intense the process of change that I had already begun would become. But it felt right to have ended up here at this point in time.
“Can I come back tomorrow?”
Yes. Come back tomorrow evening at the same time.
“I’m very grateful to you.”
I know. I see it.
I was glad that I was able to go straight back to see Dr Seer the next day. I felt at ease in his presence, and it was obvious quite how much he wanted to help me. I rang the bell, filled with curiosity and, I freely admit, another little bout of nervousness.
How are you doing today?
Dr Seer extended his hand to me, inviting me in.
“Oh, pretty good, thank you. Good evening.”
Good evening! Please, come in!
He led me through the corridor of mirrors to a room containing nothing but a small glass table and two armchairs, one green, one white. The floor and ceiling were also white. Dr Seer indicated I should take a seat.
How was your day today?
I took off my jacket and fell into the green chair.
“Well, I’d booked the day off quite a while ago, but it’s not always a given that I can then actually take the leave. I went for a walk, spent a long time in a café reading the newspaper – nothing special.”
Nothing special, I understand. How did you feel doing it?
“Doing what?”
Sitting in the café, for example.
Suddenly I was thrown, without having the slightest idea why. I didn’t really understand what his question meant. Dr Seer noticed my puzzled expression, and smiled.
I meant exactly what I asked. I’d really like to know.
“Oh. OK.”
What are you unsure about?
“I don’t know, I thought maybe you were getting at something else.”
He studied me carefully and said, in a firm voice:
When who you are on the inside matches who you are on the outside, clarity is the result. When you present to the outside world who you really are and what you really mean, then you are able to communicate with other people on a whole new level. You can express your desires much more clearly. And you are able to get much closer to others. This creates authenticity. Do you understand?
“No, I don’t think so, not quite…”
I felt somewhat overwhelmed by his delivery of so much wisdom, so soon after arriving. Dr Seer, however, did not seem the slightest bit phased by my confusion.
I asked you how you felt. And you assumed there was more to my question than the question itself. It unsettled you. Why? Because you didn’t trust in the authenticity of our conversation.
“Goodness, no, I didn’t mean to imply that at all. Apologies. I… I do trust you.”
Don’t worry, I’m not offended. On the contrary, I’d like to thank you for creating this situation. Because it’s something you can learn a lot from.
He smiled, and seemed genuinely to be enjoying our little misunderstanding.
Have you ever asked yourself how other people perceive you?
“Hm. Sure I have, it’s something everyone thinks about, all the time, isn’t it? I for one always try to be friendly. I think I behave pretty decently, on the whole.”
My answer evidently didn’t seem to satisfy him.
Do you recall how, yesterday, when you were looking in the mirror, it made you very sad? You said that you often feel lonely. Do you remember?
“Yes, I remember.”
Do you show that to the world around you?
“That I’m lonely? No, of course not. Who would do such a thing? Besides, how would I go about showing it? Should I hang a sign around my neck bearing the message: ‘Hello, I’m lonely!’, or something? Why would I want people to see it, anyway?”
Dr Seer refused to be swayed off course.
Each feeling that burdens us is connected to a desire, a desire that is hidden in our heart and that is not allowed to be revealed because we block it off, emotionally. What could this desire be, in your case?
He certainly had a way of surprising you. Once again he was saying things that seemed to echo the deepest truths with such natural ease that he might as well have been reading out the weather report. How did he know all this?
Do you understand?
I nodded and tried to focus.
So, what desire is connected with the feeling of loneliness?
“Well, the desire to meet and befriend people who like me… who accept me as I am, without me having to pretend to be anything else.”
You see! And how much of that do you show those around you?
“Well now, when you put it like that… I don’t think I show any of it to anyone.”
How did you feel today in the café? Please, take a deep breath in, and then out again – and now revisit the situation in your mind.
I took a deep breath, and as I breathed out again I let myself sink deeper into my chair.
Please, close your eyes. Describe what you experienced as you sat in the café.
I closed my eyes and started to speak:
“I had ordered a cappuccino. I sat at a table in the back, in the left-hand corner. It was very crowded, and almost all the tables were occupied. There was a nice mix of friendly-looking people: a pretty woman with blond hair three tables away from mine who’d caught my eye a few times already; a kindly elderly couple with a big dog. It was very loud, what with all the voices and the clatter of dishes; a woman laughed heartily… Sunlight was streaming into the room, and I would have liked to strike up a conversation with someone. Yes, I suppose I felt isolated. Luckily I had my newspaper and my coffee…”
How do you think the other people perceived you?
“I don’t know if they even noticed me. Most of the time I hid behind my newspaper.”
Now, please open your eyes and look at me.
Dr Seer fixed his gaze on me. I knew something important was coming.
The best perspective for ascertaining whether what is inside us corresponds with what we reflect on the outside – that is to say, whether we show the outside world our true innermost desires – is the ‘outside perspective’. See yourself from the outside!
In your mind, return to the situation in which you felt uncomfortable, and be the invisible eye observing yourself. What do you see?
“Ok… let me think. Well – the eye sees a guy who is totally fixated on his newspaper, who doesn’t speak or so much as smile at anybody – someone who is only interested in reading the paper and who doesn’t seem to care about the people around him at all. What’s more, he’s clutching his cup of coffee as though afraid someone might take it away from him.”
Dr Seer couldn’t help but smile, and even I couldn’t refrain from chuckling. It felt very liberating to take a distanced look at myself. I suddenly began to laugh out loud. It felt good and made me feel connected to laugh at myself like this with Dr Seer. I knew that he understood me. We laughed and laughed.
Do you know that not taking yourself too seriously can be very uplifting?
I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye.
“Yes, absolutely. You’re so right!”
What do you realize when you take a step back and look at yourself from the outside like this?
“Hm… that the impression I give others is nothing like the impression I wish to make.”
My insight seemed enormously important to him.
Just to reiterate and be clear: what we’re talking about here is not trying to see if you can appear as you would like to appear, but rather if you reveal to the outside world that which you desire within. What was your innermost desire in this situation?
“To have a conversation with a nice person, to exchange ideas with somebody, maybe to make friends with someone.”
And now, seeing yourself from the outside, what impression did you give, would you say?
I answered as objectively as possible.
“Not interested, not friendly – you might even say unapproachable. Like somebody who wants to be left alone, and for whom reading the newspaper is more important than communicating with others.”
Dr Seer seemed satisfied.
You see! Who you were on the inside did not match what you were presenting to the outside world. It really is as simple and clear as it appears. How would things have panned out if these two aspects had corresponded with one another?
“Hm. I suppose I would have smiled at people, might even have asked if I could join somebody at their table; I wouldn’t have hidden behind the paper and instead would have shown myself to be more open and more interested…”
As if out of nowhere, a feeling of annoyance arose in me.
“But you know, if it was as simple as all that, then I wouldn’t be so lonely.”
I didn’t say that it was simple.
“Very funny.”
Dr Seer definitely had a knack for challenging you.
Trust me! I can see what it is you wish to communicate to me. You have gone through life and had your own particular experiences, naturally. These experiences are connected to certain emotions. These connections have led you to develop unconscious behaviour patterns, which you allow yourself to be steered by. We shall be taking a closer look at these experiences, emotions and behaviour. You will come to know yourself much better.
I listened to his words. He paused for a moment.
THE GOLDEN VIEW will guide you to new levels of insight. You will realize that you can change your experiences whenever you open up and look at yourself in a new way. When you choose the right perspective you will become conscious of what you feel and why you behave in a certain way. You will be able to heal your heart. You will have new experiences, and discover new feelings.
He winked at me, encouragingly.
That’s something you have already begun to do.
I sensed very clearly that he was right.
‘Seeing yourself from the outside’ is a wonderful method with which to become conscious of your own behaviour, and a way to discover that very often it is because of us and no-one else that situations don’t turn out the way we want them to. More often than not it is because we don’t present ourselves authentically, or we show something else entirely – perhaps even the very opposite of our actual concerns, needs and desires.
“I understand.”
Use this perspective to recognize what impact you and your behaviour patterns have on the outside world. Then change your behaviour when it doesn’t correspond with your inner truth! Very often it is just a nuance. Imagine, for instance, a man who never manages to get people to agree with him in meetings. To all intents and purposes, it seems like everybody is against him. Why? ‘The outside perspective’ would reveal that his facial expression is always grim. He frowns constantly. In reality, the man only does it because he’s trying to concentrate. And yet, for the longest time, he’s been wondering why his ideas get rejected so much. So if he simply pays more attention to looking friendly, especially when he’s concentrating, then he will make a totally different impression on those around him. His colleagues would be sure to listen to him more attentively, and take more of an interest.
“I think I understand.”
Yes, you do – I can see it.
He put a friendly hand on my shoulder.
Please try to pay attention to this over the next few days! Observe closely those situations that go awry, that turn out differently to how you want them to; in which people have a different understanding of you from what you actually meant; in which you feel misjudged. And then assume the outside perspective. You’ll be surprised at what you discover.
“Ok, great. I’ll do that. Thank you!”
Fascinated by this new insight, I took my leave from Dr Seer.
“Goodbye!”
He gazed at me, smiling, as I left.
Roughly a week had passed since I had last seen Dr Seer. I had to hurry to make our appointment on time. Over the last few days I had often remembered to use the ‘See yourself from the outside!’ perspective, adopting it time and time again as a way to see myself and the situations I found myself in. And I had to concede that, if truth be told, I’d never really revealed myself to those around me. How are people supposed to approach me when I’m so closed up? I’m not saying that my life had suddenly changed in just one week, but at least I now had an idea of how I could emerge from my isolation – and that feeling gave me a certain boost.
But that’s by the by. Because today, unfortunately, everything was different. To be honest, today had totally stressed me out. Dr Seer was smiling when he opened the door, and for some inexplicable reason it immediately made me feel uneasy. ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have come’ – was the thought that shot through my mind. I wasn’t in the mood to be on the receiving end of any philosophical insights – I had more pressing issues of my own. But now it was too late – I was here.
You’re feeling stressed.
“You could say that, yes! But how do you know? I haven’t even set foot inside yet!”
Well, come on in, then. Good evening, Mr Allman! Please take a deep breath.
Oh, what a surprise – that again. ‘Before you do anything else, breathe.’ My tension grew.
Please sit down. Would you like a glass of water?
“Yes, thank you.”
While Dr Seer went to get the water, I tried to collect myself and to breathe deeply. Sure enough, my pulse began to slow. And, surprisingly, that was all it took for things to seem less dramatic. How quickly the right method can help you to calm down. Interesting!
Well, today is obviously the day for tackling the ‘view from above’.
He handed me a big glass of water.
“Sorry?”
It was unbelievable. I hadn’t even spoken a word, and already he seemed to have a solution at the ready. This was all happening too fast for me.
“Doctor, I don’t wish to be impolite, but I’m not in the mood for mirror experiments and that kind of thing right now. I’ve had a miserable day.”
I can see that. And that’s exactly what we shall address. Tell me about your day!
“Well, the whole day felt cursed. It started in the subway in the morning. Everywhere I looked, someone seemed to be having a bad day – everybody was completely stressed out. Some passenger flared up at me, claiming I had pushed him.”
Had you?
‘Whether I did or didn’t is totally irrelevant! That’s simply no way to talk to your fellow human beings! So then I arrive at the office, and attend a team meeting arranged by my boss. We’re behind schedule in a strategically important project. And – would you believe it – he then proceeds to try and blame it on me. When it wasn’t even my fault!! He knew that, and all the others knew it, too. But they all kept their heads down. Nobody spoke up in my defence. And my boss kept banging on at me. It was a total joke. Shall I go on?”
But of course!
Dr Seer radiated such serenity that my angry outburst began to subside. Had my day really been all that bad?
“Well, as it turned out we did then manage to come up with a solution to our deadline problem, but I’m utterly disappointed in my boss and my colleagues! And the stressful day didn’t end there: to round things off, I end up in a horrendously full supermarket. Endless queues at the cash registers. All the customers waiting in line, totally stressed out. And when it finally gets to my turn, the cashier snaps at me in a nasty tone for no reason whatsoever. Is that fair? To cap it all, this all meant I was nearly late for our appointment because everything took so long. Today was just one of those days when everything seems to go wrong.”
He studied me carefully. It almost felt as if he was trying to read me.
How do you feel now?
I almost wanted to reply with: “How do you think I feel?! Shitty, of course!” But as I thought for a brief moment and tried to gain some clarity about how I actually felt in this very moment, I sensed, to my surprise, an unexpected calm spreading through me. It was very strange.
“I actually feel kind of OK.”
That’s something, at least. Thank you for describing your day to me. Now lean back and relax. I’d like to tell you about a perspective called ‘Look at the situation from above!’.
Now I felt ready to listen to what Dr Seer had to say. It seemed that his initial plan to teach me a new perspective today was still on the cards. So I let myself sink deeper into the chair and waited with keen anticipation. After what felt like five minutes – in reality it was probably only a few seconds – he began to speak in a soft voice:
Human interactions are always full of challenges. Individuals bring their emotions and experiences, their own stories, into every interaction they share, so all kinds of factors play a role in the communication between two people or within a group. So much more happens during communication than simply talking about a certain topic – and this is what frequently causes conflicts to arise. Viewing things from above helps us to realize this – to see what is actually happening, to be aware of what else may be going on during the conversation besides the spoken word. It’s a matter of backing out of the conversation on an emotional level, assuming a bird’s eye perspective whilst simultaneously carrying on being in the situation. Do you follow?
“More or less. It sounds good, but backing out of things whilst at the same time carrying on sounds somewhat contradictory, don’t you think?”
What it means is that, for a particular situation, you imagine climbing one storey higher and stepping out onto a balcony from which to observe the situation in which you find yourself. You pull yourself out of the drama and assume a more objective position or perspective. You look at the scene from above. Your field of perception expands and you see the other people, their individual stories and their emotional lives independently of your own emotional state. You have become the neutral observer.
Dr Seer paused.
Do you get the gist of what I’m saying?
Suddenly, I had to smile at him. I was somehow touched by how patient he was with me. How was it possible for someone to wish me so well? He winked at me in acknowledgement.
Let’s run through it once, based on your experiences today! Let’s start with the situation in the subway. Close your eyes, that often makes it easier.
“Umm… OK. So, I’m to imagine that I take myself out of the situation, climb up onto some sort of balcony and look down on the entire situation from above. Is that right?”
Precisely.
“Sounds a bit funny, to tell you the truth. It’s hard to imagine a balcony above the subway. But OK, so I zoom out and look at the goings-on from above, and I see… a lot of tired people. The carriage is full and stuffy. I manage to jump aboard the train just in time, and elbow my way to the very back of the carriage. In the process I bump into a man who is just starting to nod off. It startles him. He looks even more tired than the others. He mutters to himself, and looks sad.”
This new perspective took me completely by surprise; it allowed me to see totally different aspects of the situation. So I continued:
“Oh, that poor guy!! I think he wasn’t feeling at all well. He was so startled, I suspect he was just about to fall into deep sleep. Looking at it now, it seems likely that his outburst wasn’t even aimed at me. He was just cursing to himself instead. If I’m completely honest, I feel sorry for him now. Sure, it wasn’t pleasant for me either – I was tired, too. And it’s not like I shoved him intentionally…”
I opened my eyes. Dr Seer seemed satisfied.
How do you feel now?
“I feel sorry for the man. I feel bad. I could have apologized. And we could have shaken hands. We were all of us having a bad morning. In situations like that, people should stick together, not make matters worse by fighting each other on top of everything else.”
Now you see how adopting the right perspective makes the situation appear completely different. And your resentment is gone! Let’s move further through your day. Have a look at your team meeting from above.
“That’s more difficult. There are more people involved, and I’ve known them all for quite some time.”
Give it a try.
“OK. So I zoom out and look from above again. I stand on the invisible balcony above the situation and look down. I watch myself enter the room. My boss is sitting at the head of the conference table. He looks stressed out, as if he’s under a lot of pressure. He’s probably got management breathing down his neck because we’re falling behind schedule. He’s sweating, and his neck is flushed and red. He looks helpless. But all that being said, Dr Seer, there’s still no reason for him to lay all the blame at my door!”
Absolutely not. What do you feel?
“His behaviour was inappropriate. However, I confess that I can also understand him. Chances are it wasn’t his fault, either, but he still gets all the pressure from higher up the chain. Oh well!”
What else do you see in the team meeting?
“My colleague Carl is sitting across from me and looking around the room feeling insecure. He’s avoiding eye contact with the boss. It looks like he feels guilty. And he is! And he’s afraid – you can see that. I think he’s incredibly afraid to fail, and lose his job. Oh boy, that Carl – what a sorry figure he makes. But he’s actually quite a nice guy. Likeable. Only a bit too soft. He looks at me, guiltily. He doesn’t want all the criticism to be directed at me, but he just can’t bring himself to open his mouth.”
I understand. Do you see anything else from above?
“The others seem to be fairly neutral. They don’t really play a significant role. In the end, we discuss possible solutions, and then the meeting is brought to a close.”
Dr Seer raised his voice.
Please explore your innermost self. How do you feel?
“Well, I think everything feels a bit lighter now, somehow. It is what it is, and it can be explained. I understand the situation. After all, it wasn’t actually all that dramatic. At least not if you zoom out and observe from above.”
Are you still angry about your day?
I couldn’t help but grin. How did this happen? A few minutes ago I thought that I had just survived a truly horrible day. Then I mentally positioned myself on this balcony, looked down on the day from above, so to speak, and the drama disappeared as if it had simply evaporated!
“No, somehow not at all! The anger is gone! You know, we don’t have to take a look at the supermarket situation. I can already imagine how that’s going to play out. I can imagine that the cashier was simply over-worked. Customers aren’t always easy to deal with. Besides, it was full, and loud, and everyone was in a hurry to get home. And so everybody, without noticing it, had contributed to the general tension. In reality, nobody was out to harm anyone else. Hm, I guess that means my day wasn’t so full of drama after all. But nonetheless, while it lasted it all felt very stressful – and nothing you can say will make me feel otherwise!”
That is not my intention. What you have now understood is that our own emotions undergo a considerable change when we metaphorically look down upon each situation from above. In so doing, you choose a particular mental perspective, and that has immediate consequences for the emotional processes. You become calmer and are able to step out of a stiflingly negative situation that it seems would have been almost impossible to change through your own behaviour. By adopting this mental meta-plane even your body posture relaxes, and you breathe more calmly. You are no longer dominated by negative emotions and sensations.
Besides, as a neutral observer from above, you can more easily develop an understanding for yourself and others that enables you to handle emerging conflicts much better. Ultimately, this influences the entire situation in a positive manner. Reaching insights and finding solutions becomes much easier.
“Incredible! What a fantastic method! I reckon it can help in so many situations. I didn’t realize that creating an inner image or assuming a mental perspective could actually help me become more relaxed and calmer in everyday stressful situations. Does it really work? I’ll definitely try it out. There’s bound to be another occasion when it’ll come in handy.”
Definitely! I’m very happy for you. Do you want to come back next week?
“Yes, I’d love to! I’m all for it. THE GOLDEN VIEW, what a great method!
Thank you! Goodbye!”
Goodbye!
I left Dr