Mikael Krogerus and
Roman Tschäppeler
THE COMMUNICATION BOOK
44 IDEAS FOR BETTER CONVERSATIONS EVERY DAY
WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY SVEN WEBER
TRANSLATED BY JENNY PIENING AND LUCY JONES
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Portfolio Penguin is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com.
First published as Das Kommunikationsbuch by Kein & Aber 2017
This translation published 2018
Copyright © Kein & Aber AG Zurich and Berlin, 2017, 2018
This English translation by Jenny Piening and Lucy Jones is published by kind permission of the Museum für Kommunikation, Bern, Switzerland
The moral right of the authors and illustrator has been asserted
ISBN: 978-0-241-98229-7
Communication is a bit like love – it’s what makes the world go round, but nobody really knows how it works. Communication is something natural, something everyday even, yet most of us have only a vague notion of the rules that govern it. Day in, day out, we ask questions, read, explain, write, listen, argue, discuss or hold our tongues. But only a few of us have the necessary tools to improve the way we communicate or to understand how we’re being communicated with. This was the starting point for our exploration of communication theory.
For this book we delved into some of the most important communication theories, assessed their relevance, condensed them, simplified them in the form of diagrams, and applied them to modern-day challenges. We also enhanced them with practical tips and methods. The result: forty-four up-to-date approaches for dealing with eternal problems, from relationships to job interviews, fake news to the filter-bubble effect, small talk to the annual presentation.
This book is actually an exhibition, which came about as follows: the Museum of Communication in Bern, Switzerland, contacted us and asked if we could explain the most important theories in communication history in diagrams. Until 2030 you can experience this book live in the museum.
An American psychologist, Dr Robert Cialdini, has devoted much of his career to one of the most basic and at the same time biggest questions within communication: when do people say yes? Or more explicitly: can we make them say yes?
Cialdini identified six universal principles that explain how you can persuade someone to accept your suggestion:
1. Reciprocity: this is basically the old biblical principle: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Put into action: if you want to get something, give something. The right order is important: offer something first. Then ask for what you want.
2. Authority: we tend to follow the advice of experts. We have more trust in a doctor who is wearing a white coat and displaying diplomas on the wall. Put into action: in your area of expertise, find out what the ‘white coat’ is.
3. Consistency: we look up to people who are consistent in their words and behaviours. Put into action: stick to one message. Don’t follow every trend. Be the consistent one, people will remember you for that.
4. Consensus: we are herd people. We do what others do. This is called ‘social proof’. Put into action: if you want someone to do something, show others doing it (‘People who bought this book also bought …’).
5. Scarcity: we all want that which is rare and we are all afraid to lose what we have. Put into action: it might not be enough to talk about the benefits of your offer; you also need to point at what people will lose if they fail to act. This also holds true if people face change: they are usually scared of what they might lose. Therefore it’s good to tell them what they will lose if they fail to move.
6. Liking: this is the most universal principle: people prefer to say yes to people they like. But who do we like? According to Cialdini there are three factors: we like people who are similar to us; we like people who compliment us; we like people who cooperate with us towards a common goal.
‘Get in the habit of helping people out, and don’t say, “No big deal.” Say, “Of course; it’s what partners do for each other” – label what happened an act of partnership.’
Robert Cialdini
It is one of the great mysteries of the modern world of work: why are meetings so exhausting? And why do they take so long?
According to Seth Godin, there are only three kinds of meetings:
· Information: a meeting in which the participants are informed about something (whether they like it or not).
· Discussion: a meeting which aims to give input or direction, or to receive feedback.
· Permission: a meeting in which one side proposes something, in the hope that the other says yes (but has the right and the power to say no).
What often makes meetings frustrating is the fact that different people might think it’s a different kind of meeting. Here are some tips to make meetings run more smoothly:
Parkinson’s Law states that Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion (and not according to how complex it really is). Therefore it makes sense to limit the time of meetings. Incidentally, studies show that the attention span of the average person is between ten and eighteen minutes. Ideally, you should use a timer. When it rings, the meeting is over – immediately.
There are three types of question that you can ask in a meeting: first, comprehension questions; second, questions to support the process (for example, to make sure that everyone has really understood everything and is talking about the same thing); and, third, questions that show how much you know, in order to underscore your own position or challenge another person. All three types of question are legitimate, but they should not be mixed: first come comprehension questions, then questions about the process, then debate questions.
In many companies, meetings are held with everybody standing up because it leads to decisions being reached more quickly (see point 1). At Washington University, studies showed that when they are standing, people react more readily with enthusiasm, whereas when they are sitting, they tend towards scepticism.
No smartphones during the meeting. Notes should be made by hand. Even the White House supposedly followed this rule under Barack Obama.
If you want to call a family meeting, just turn off the WiFi router and wait in the room where it is located.
Close your eyes for a moment and think about the best boss you ever had. Now think of the worst one. What set them apart?
Most likely, your best boss not only achieved good results, but was also a good communicator. Good bosses get the best out of their employees every day, or at least give them the feeling they are achieving their full potential. But how do they do it? In the context of this book, the question is: How do you communicate properly with your employees, with your team?
Obviously there can’t be a universal answer: every person, every situation, every company, every relationship is different. At the same time we all know that we should speak to our team the way we would like to be spoken to: considerately, directly, clearly. We’ve translated these adverbs into rules.
This might sound a bit too easy-going. And, of course, you have to evaluate the work of your employees – that’s your job. But go easy on the criticism. Only start deconstructing if you’re prepared to help with the rebuilding. Keep using ‘we’. Especially when your team has lost.
Go easy on the compliments, otherwise they lose their effect. If you celebrate behaviour that you expect, you are lowering standards. Whatever you do, don’t give praise simply to please.
Nothing rings more hollow than words that aren’t backed up by deeds. If punctuality and friendliness are important to you, then be punctual and friendly. Set the pace, demonstrate values, establish the tone. But pick your battles, only set standards that are important to you – or that you consider to be generally important. You ought to be good at upholding standards that are important to you, and if there are standards that you regard as important but find hard to uphold, then you need to learn them yourself. Share this with your employees. Nobody can be good at everything.
As a leader, get used to the idea that you are primarily responsible for the supply of energy. In other words: motivating, advising, stabilizing, providing momentum – and letting others shine.
Meetings are known to reveal a person’s character. Generally speaking, there are four personality types in meetings:
1. The silent type says nothing, is thereby usually proven right, and always thinks he or she knows better.
2. The opportunist is enthusiastic about every suggestion, especially those made or favoured by the boss.
3. The ‘master of the obvious’ announces the obvious with great conviction, as if he or she had just thought it up.
4. The nay-sayer’s purpose in life seems to be to pull apart other people’s suggestions.
So how can you get a suggestion past these hellhounds? A particularly effective method seems to be the Salami Tactic. Do not put your suggestion forward all in one go, but serve it in small, easily digestible slices instead. This portioning method has two advantages: first, the fear of a huge task or bold idea is reduced; second, a measured presentation allows the other participants to explore the idea themselves and think it through further. And, above all, this tactic does not allow the other participants to recognize your overarching intention. This makes it harder to fight against it. If there are ideological rifts, it is better to take small, isolated steps and concentrate on the matter at hand, not on the intended outcome.
And what do you do if someone tries to salami you? Simply ask: ‘Is that everything?’ Keep on asking until everything is on the table. Only then start negotiating, setting one slice of salami off against a slice of your own.
The origin of the term is unclear. Some sources say that in Hungary Szalámitaktika was the name given to the gradual takeover of power by the Communist Party.
Disassemble a truck into many small parts and a child can carry it.
