Tips, tricks, and techniques for a stress-free home life
Introduction
1 Starting with a clean slate
How to rid yourself of the clutter that’s holding you back
2 Living in the moment
How to cultivate mindfulness to bring you contentment
3 Caring for your environment
How to reduce, re-use and recycle for everyone’s benefit
4 Caring for yourself
Staying healthy and happy
5 You are what you eat
How to get into the healthy eating habit
6 Help around the home
Simple ways to de-stress the household chores
7 In the fresh air
Gardening tips and enjoying the outdoors
8 DIY
How to avoid stressing about simple home improvements
Index
‘To change your life, you must first change your habits.’
As the old adage goes, it is harder to break a habit than a principle, and that is certainly true of the way we live. We are always busy but there is always something else that needs to be done. We multitask but don’t always finish what we are doing. It becomes a habit to stay late at the office, to say ‘yes, of course’, when we should sometimes be saying ‘no’. But why is it that our lives are so much more hectic when we have so many more benefits than our predecessors? In general, we have more opportunities than our parents, let alone our grandparents, more money, more travel options, more entertainment choices and more technology to help us.
And if that sentence doesn’t give you a clue as to what I am getting at, just read it again: more, more, more, more, more, more. Every time a technology becomes available to make things easier, we may grasp the opportunity but then we look to whatever is coming next, filling the time almost before it has opened up. We want the latest, the fastest, the most high-tech. Spurred on by peer pressure and our own enthusiasm, the result for many people seems to be that the proverbial hamster wheel just spins faster and faster.
And sooner or later, we’ll flop exhausted at the bottom and everything will grind to a halt.
Well, that’s the negative scenario – there are alternatives.
If we continue to spend our lives with our eyes on the horizon, then it’s no wonder we trip up. So the purpose of the range of diverse information in this handy little book is to help us to re-focus, to encourage us to enjoy what we do and how we live and to cut out that constant striving for something else. In some ways, we’ll look back to less complex times and values that made life simpler. But in other ways, we can embrace the technology at our fingertips. It’s not about wanting to go back to the 1950s – there was plenty wrong with life then. It is about making life good in the twenty-first century.
And that means making some changes, which may not be easy at first. Different people will want to be more or less drastic and that’s the first lesson: you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing – it is up to you to find what suits you best.
However far you want to take it, simply learning to slow down a little and live at a more manageable pace will help you to reduce stress and enjoy your life more fully. First, look at the areas of your life where you feel you need to make changes, start slowly with small adjustments that are easy to implement and just watch the benefits to your well-being.
The straightforward hints and tips in this book apply common sense to find simple solutions to common everyday issues. They are all about removing potential problems before they occur and finding the wisdom to follow a less stressful path. They can help you to:
That’s a lot to get through in a small guide, so we need to apply our common sense and – to borrow a tagline from an expensive and very successful brand – just do it!
The idea of decluttering is not new, but its popularity has grown because it makes sense and it is effective. If you are surrounded by mess and muddle, by things you don’t really need and that are just getting in the way, it is impossible to get on with life efficiently. Imagine trying to get from one side to the other of a crowded storeroom, filled with old furniture, boxes, piles of magazines and odd-shaped items you don’t even recognize. It would not only be hard work physically – clambering over, under and around things – but tiring mentally, too – making sure you don’t trip up or break something along the way.
That’s what your clutter could be doing in your life – blocking the way to where you should be going.
One person’s treasure might be another person’s clutter. Only you can decide how drastic you want to be once you decide to declutter. If you find this whole process somewhat daunting, then start small and work gradually. If you are really up for it, hire a skip! Either way, your objective is simple: to get rid of anything that is surplus to current requirements and that doesn’t make any contribution to your life, then to make sure everything you do have is in its rightful place.
It’s a good idea to give some thought to your procedure before you actually start the process of decluttering.
Firstly, establish a plan. Are you going to set aside a weekend or longer? Are you going to work room by room through the house? Both are sensible options. Don’t take on too much at once and end up with the entire house taken apart – that way will just increase your stress. Starting in one room and finishing that room before you go on to another is usually the best way.
Now look at each room in turn and think about the space available and how it can best be organized. What do you want to keep in each room?
You might decide to swap things round so your bedroom becomes a spare room or vice versa. Are the cupboards in the most convenient places? Are you using the cupboards and drawers sensibly? Perhaps a cupboard where you have been keeping towels is more suited to something else. Your plan is bound to change as you work through the clearing-out process but let it evolve as you go along. Before you start the next phase, you might want to look at the section on reorganizing your space (see page 12).
Now establish a rule of thumb to help you decide what to get rid of. It might be things you haven’t looked at for 12 months or five years. You might just decide to go on your gut instinct. But only keep things that make a positive contribution to your life.
But they will all make you feel good in some way.
Be conscious of the thought that will inevitably creep into your mind that the thing you are about to discard might come in handy sometime. That ‘sometime’ is most unlikely to materialize. Do you really want it hanging around until then?
When you get to the kitchen, pay particular attention to the dates on cans and herbs and spices. You may love sage but that jar from 2012 is likely to have all the flavour of cardboard – chuck it (see also pages 89–90). If you are a kitchen-gadget fan, think about how often you use a particular gadget before you return it to the clean cupboard, never to emerge again. If it’s clutter – it’s not a keeper.
On the other hand, keep any instructions or guarantees you find and put them all together in a folder or box. Once you’ve finished, go through and chuck out the ones for the digital alarm clock you threw away five years ago and just keep those you might need.
Even if you are being drastic, be wary of completely discarding things that might be of value to someone else or provide a record of your past. Your children’s old report cards, school photos and the like can be put to one side and perhaps thinned out and sorted to give to them at a later stage as mementoes of their growing up. If you like, you could put significant photos, drawings or certificates in a scrapbook – it is much better than just chucking everything in a drawer, and it makes a great keepsake.
Now decide what you are going to do with your clutter. It may be best to get some strong black plastic sacks for rubbish, bags of a different colour for things to go to the charity shop, and a third type of bag for things you might want to sell on Gumtree, or take to a car-boot (yard) sale. Let’s say our solutions are: keep, chuck, sell and charity. If you are going to try to sell some items, allocate a space – well out of the way, perhaps in the garage, if you have one – so you can deal with them later.
Avoid giving your clutter to someone else – unless they are absolutely sure they want it, it is likely to end up as their clutter before too long.
Now you can get started – a room at a time. Empty the cupboards one at a time, sort through what’s in there and decide whether to keep, chuck, sell or give to charity, item by item. Once you have done that (and it will take some time), take the chuck and charity bags out of the room – better still, take them straight to the recycling facility or charity shop. Take the sell bags to your allocated space and make a date in your diary so you don’t leave them lurking there for too long.
Clean the cupboards and put everything you plan to keep back in its new place. Then move on to the next room until you have gone through the whole house.
After all that hard work, you will find you feel a great sense of relief, a clearing of the energies in your living space that will help you feel energized and positive.
I hope you haven’t forgotten that we left some bags of clutter in the garage, which need to be dealt with swiftly. Ask yourself whether you are really going to sell this stuff. If the answer is ‘possibly’, ‘well, I should do’, ‘I might make a bit of money’, ‘when I get time’ or ‘it’s a good idea’, load them in the car right now and get them to the charity shop. They are all versions of ‘no’.
If the answer is a positive ‘yes’, then you’ll want to decide whether a car-boot (yard) sale or a ‘mail-order’ option is most suitable for you. Have a look online to see if similar items are available before you make your decision. If so, ask yourself the following questions:
With a bit more research, you can narrow down your options once more. Anything that is not worth the effort of trying to sell, take straight to the charity shop. With anything that is worth posting on a national or local website, take a few photos and list your items straight away. Any items that will be taken to a local car-boot sale should be priced and put in a box while you book your table at the next available event. But do it now.
Your organizational plan will hopefully have been evolving while you cleared out, with the objective of creating a flow of energy through the house, and you will probably find that there are certain areas that naturally feel more relaxing, invigorating or creative. Pay attention to this in order to make the best use of the space available.
Some people will have the option of changing the use of their rooms – swapping the lounge for the dining room, for example. Others won’t be so lucky. But don’t miss this opportunity. You are looking for a logical activity flow between the rooms that takes advantage of the best natural light at appropriate times of day, and takes into account the way you feel in each room.
You may be able to do a bit of decorating to help things along. It needn’t be drastic – a coat of emulsion on the walls can completely change the feel of a room, a few scatter cushions can brighten an area, or some extra lighting or more subdued lighting can change the atmosphere. A lounge should be a place where you relax, while a kitchen is more likely to be a creative and energetic place and needs good lighting. The bedrooms should be cosy and quiet for sleeping, but also you’ll want to inject a personal touch.
Most of us will be making the best of what we have, but sometimes we carry on using a chest of drawers for bedding, for example, just because we always have done, when it would be far better holding clothes. Consider whether the furniture you have is fit for purpose. It may be that a bookcase in one room could be swapped for a chest of drawers in another. You may want to buy some boxes or baskets to hold items, or purchase some hanging storage, for example. Make use of any ways you can to simplify your storage and access to it, which ultimately makes your life easier.
Look up the storage pages on suitable websites for ideas for storage options. New products are being invented all the time that might be just what you need: narrow, roll-out storage units for tall, thin spaces; hanging storage racks; shelves that fit to doors and wheel out from corner cupboards, or boxes that fit under the bed. Avoid things that are just gimmicks and look at the customer reviews, but be prepared to spend a small amount on such things if they can make life easier.
Colour is vitally important. Think about warm colours – primarily the yellows and reds – to inject energy and the cool colours – primarily blues and softer shades – to slow things down. Most people choose a fairly neutral shade for the main walls and pick out an accent colour in smaller areas.
If you are making changes, think very carefully about the colour and pattern of long-lasting items such as carpet, chairs or curtains. Choose them first, then work from there. That gives you more scope to change other items before the carpet, for example, wears out.
Apart from looking attractive, a few pot plants around the place bring refreshing oxygen into the house. Think about the level of light and direct sunlight in the spot you have chosen and find a plant that will like those conditions. If you try to grow a pot plant in an inappropriate spot, you’ll fail.
If you treat cut flowers well, they will also bring their beauty and calming influence into your home.
Carnations and pinks: These will last longer if you put them in lemonade instead of water, changing it every few days.
Chrysanthemums: Plunge the cut ends of the flowers into very hot water for a few seconds and then into cold; they will last much longer.
Cut flowers (mixed): An aspirin or two and a change of water every four days or so will keep most cut flowers blooming in the vase for at least a week (as long as the flowers are freshly cut). All cut flowers will last longer if there are foxgloves in the arrangement.
Daffodils (narcissi): Resist the temptation to include other blooms in a vase of daffodils. They will all die sooner rather than later. But if you feel that you have to, soak them for an hour in separate water, then re-rinse them. And if you add charcoal to the water, your daffs will keep their spring-like bloom longer.
Roses: To make roses open out and last for days on end, clip the stalk, make four tiny upward incisions from the bottom of the stalk towards the bloom, and curl the outer layer upwards, taking care to keep it attached to the stalk. Put the roses in warm water and they will open beautifully.
Tulips: To keep tulips fresh and upright for longer, wrap them in newspaper up to their necks and stand them in water for several hours before putting them in a vase.
Now all your worldly goods need a place to go. Think logically so items are in the most useful place for you. Group things together: books in one place, shirts in another. That makes them much easier to find than if they are scattered in four or five different locations.
The things you use frequently need to be at an accessible level. The best place for the things you use most often is on shelves that are between knee level and head height so they are easy to see and use. Save those awkward cupboards for things you rarely need. Having said that, don’t put heavy things too high for lifting, or so low you find them impossible to move.
Bedding: When you’ve washed your bedding, fold up the complete set together and wrap in the duvet cover so they are ready to hand when you change the bedding.
CD shelf: An average shelf is deep enough to store two rows of CDs. Build a raised insert half the width of the shelf so that the ones at the back can be reached easily, or use a ready-made shelf designed for cans.
Hanger bar: If you have a tall wardrobe, you may have room to put a spring-loaded curtain rail across the wardrobe either above your normal hanging bar or below your clothes and use it to hang spare hangers that are not in use.
Hanger hunt: Avoid the annoyance of losing the empty hangers among the full ones by putting empty hangers back at the end of the row. Make it easier by always putting them back with the open hook facing away from you.
Keep them together: Some people like to hang clothes in ‘outfits’, others group colours, many hang trousers, then skirts, then tops together. Find the way that makes it easiest for you to see the clothes you want.
Shorts together: If you hang all your short garments at one end of the wardrobe, the chances are that there will be enough space under them for you to fit a shoe rack or even a small set of drawers.
Slippery shoulders: If you find clothes slip off their hangers, wind thick elastic bands round both ends. That will keep the clothes on the hanger, not crumpled on the floor of the wardrobe. Alternatively, you could bind a piece of velvet ribbon around the hanger so the shoulders don’t slip off.
Safety and security
If you have young children – either living with you or visiting – make sure you keep your detergents and washing powders out of the way or in a locked cupboard. Nearly all laundry products are at least mildly toxic – at worst seriously poisonous. So keep them where little hands can’t get at them. Similarly, knives and any other sharp objects should be kept safely out of reach, as well as kitchen gadgets such as processors or blenders. There are some more safety tips on pages 47–8.
Having established this feeling of clearing the energies in your home, hang onto it! It’s worth trying to keep the place tidy, and you will find it so much easier when everything has its proper place and the space is not enmeshed in unnecessary extras. Make a point of putting things away when you have finished with them, rather than just putting them down anywhere. Clear up regularly. The routine may seem dull but you’ll be finished so much more quickly and you’ll be so much less stressed.
Every six months or so, go through the process again – although when carried out on a regular basis it doesn’t have to be so drastic. Continue the good work of clearing out things you don’t need to allow space for the things you do.
So that’s the physical element taken care of. Keep up the good work. What about those wretched ‘to do’ lists of things you ought to do but just can’t quite get round to: sorting out your photo files, writing letters, phoning people you haven’t seen in ages.
There are two approaches to this. The first is to decide that you are not going to wait for the ‘right moment’; when it pops into your head that you should talk to your mum, auntie, friend, colleague – whoever it is – do a quick time-check (midnight is probably not the best time to call your granny), then just get on and ring them. Do things spontaneously and you should find it very refreshing. Plus, you won’t be spending your time writing lists – you’ll actually be getting things done.
For some, however, that may be a step too far, in which case a list is still the way to go, just don’t make it open-ended. Get yourself a small spiral notebook and use a page for only one or two things so that you can tear them out when you are done. When you write something in the book, put that day’s date on the corner of the page and also write down the latest time/date you will complete the task. It may be ‘today’, ‘this week’, ‘end of March’, but don’t include anything that you don’t intend to do for three months.
If you use an online diary, you can use the ‘to do’ function, or you could create a calendar just for your ‘to do’ items and include it in your diary.
Finance is a complex area and this book makes no attempt to advise you how to get your finances into shape – that is a specialist task. In the next chapter, however, you’ll find some common-sense advice to encourage you to think about whether your finances need the kind of overhaul you have just undertaken on the house.
If so, look at the notes, take the best advice and think about making the best use of your available resources. If you are confident that your income and outgoings are positively balanced – or at least balanced – it takes away yet another potential stress factor.
