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Epub ISBN: 9781473556171

Version 1.0

Published by Young Arrow 2018

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Copyright © James Patterson 2018

Illustrations by Richard Watson

James Patterson has asserted his right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

This is a work of fiction. All characters and descriptions of events are the products of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons is entirely coincidental

First published by Young Arrow in 2018

Young Arrow
The Penguin Random House Group Limited
20 Vauxhall Bridge Road, London, SW1V 2SA

www.penguin.co.uk

Young Arrow is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 9781784759629

OOOOOOH! YOU OPENED it! You actually opened my book!

I’ve been waiting for ages, and now a human-youngling is finally reading the beginning of my story.

This is a waggy-tail-icious moment! I don’t think I’ve been this excited since … since … since I spotted a raccoon out by the trash cans and chased it up a fence!

That was a good day … IT WAS, TERRIFIC … one of the greatest, but this is even greater!

I love humans, and I bet you’re a really tremendous one.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

Okay, I need to calm down a little if we’re going to get this story told.

Hmmm … what to do first?

Oh yeah! Here’s a gift just for you. It’d be rude of me not to share my best-best-BEST treasure.

MY FAVOURITE STICK!

It’s yours, I insist. One end is a little chewed, but the rest of it is excellent. Don’t crunch it all at once.

There—now you’re my really real person-pal and we can start the story properly.

Sit!

Sit!

Down!

Ha ha … I’ve always wanted to say that to a human.

Okay. If you’re all comfortable, I’ll begin …

I REMEMBER IT like it was yesterday.

The happiest moment of a mutt’s life, when you see your pet human for the first time, and you know instantly that you’re going to be BEST FRIENDS forever.

That’s how it was when I met mine, and OH BOY do I have a great pet. But I’m getting ahead of myself. You don’t even know who I am.

I should probably start this story the way you humans like to, with an introduction. Us pooches don’t normally bother with things like that. We usually prefer to take a polite sniff of each other’s butts and—HEY PRESTO!—we’re sorted with all the information we need. But for you, my non-furry reader, I’ll make an exception.

My name is Junior—hello! Or should I say, HERROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?

If you hadn’t guessed already, I’m a dog. Yep … shiny-nosed … licky-tongued … floppy-eared … bow-wow-woof-woof … and you’re holding my daily doggy diary in your five fingery digits.

Consider yourself extremely lucky, my person-pal. In this book, you’ll find the story of my life so far with my brand-new family, and it’s a HUMDINGER!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re sat there, wrinkling up your forehead as we speak, saying “A dog’s diary?” to yourself and picturing my furry little paws typing away at a computer or scribbling in a notebook. Don’t be so people-brained … Ha!

You may also be wondering why on earth I would be keeping a journal. That’s what princesses locked in towers, or grandmoos and grand-paws get up to, right?

WRONG!

In case you didn’t know, all canines keep diaries. IT’S TRUE! We always have, ever since the DAWN OF DOG … all the way back to the time of the cavepeople and their saber-toothed terriers …

Just not in the same way that humans might.

Why do you think we all stop to sniff every corner and streetlight and fire hydrant on our morning walk?

Never thought about it, huh?

Well, I’ll tell you.

We’re snooping on the local gossip, checking who’s been around, and generally keeping up to date with what’s happening in the neighborhood. To us, having a good snuffle is like reading the news.

You see, dogs keep smell diaries. Every pee and poop tells a tale, dontchaknow? But let’s not panic just yet. I’m not about to ask you to stop and sniff my … ummm … you-know-what.

Nope, with the help of some booky brainiac humans, my story has been written down. Incredible, huh? They can do ANYTHING nowadays. And you can safely enjoy every word without having to worry about all the whiffs and stinks. IT’S EXCELLENT! EVERYBODY WINS!

So, where was I?

Oh, yeah, my pet human. I guess the day I came to live with him and his family is the best place to begin my diary. It’s my happiest day of them all, so far.

Only last year, my life was a seriously different bowl of kibble.

Like so many of my furry friends, I was serving life in the slammer … the clink … pooch prison!

You guessed it. My luck had run out and I found myself locked away in the scariest place in the whole world. Scratch that—THE WHOLE UNIVERSE!

There are no ear scratches or belly rubs or nose boops in that place, let me tell you. No siree! The humans who work there shuffle past, ignoring you, and don’t even want to play ball! I KNOW! IT’S HORRIFIC!

That place is one great big boredomfest. It’s enough to turn even the bounciest pup into a small globule of glum in no time. BUT … I’m not there now, ha ha!

Yipp-yipp-yippee, I can’t wait to tell you this part.

Alrighty. Do you have spare snacks to keep us both happy as we scamper through the next few pages together?

You do?

EXCELLENT!

I WAS SITTING in the backyard of a house with the old lady called Grandmoo who smells like ointment and bug spray, the Mom-Lady, and the little one with a voice like a dog whistle staring down at me.

Mom-Lady had collected me from the shelter earlier that day, and it was all SO EXCITING! She bought me a new green collar with a jingly tag on it, and I got to ride up front in one of those moving people-boxes on wheels. I had to concentrate really hard so I didn’t pee on the seats with happiness.

Later, though, we were just waiting around for something, I guess … or someone. It seemed to go on forever and was very confusing.